1. AND NOW FOR SOMETHING
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.Copy !req
2. IT'S...Copy !req
3. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.Copy !req
4. [Captioning sponsored by THE
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONCopy !req
5. and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]Copy !req
6. HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE SHOW.Copy !req
7. WITHOUT MORE ADOCopy !req
8. THE FIRST ITEM IS A SKETCH
ABOUT ARCHITECTSCopy !req
9. CALLED "THE ARCHITECTS SKETCH."Copy !req
10. THE ARCHITECTS SKETCH!Copy !req
11. THE ARCHITECTS SKETCH!Copy !req
12. THE ARCHITECTS SKETCH!Copy !req
13. UP THERE!Copy !req
14. UP THERE!Copy !req
15. UP THERE!Copy !req
16. GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE
TWO BASIC SUGGESTIONSCopy !req
17. FOR THE DESIGN OF THIS...Copy !req
18. GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE
TWO BASIC SUGGESTIONSCopy !req
19. FOR THE DESIGN OF THIS...Copy !req
20. SHUT UP!Copy !req
21. GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE
TWO BASIC SUGGESTIONS...Copy !req
22. GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE
TWO BASIC SUGGESTIONSCopy !req
23. FOR THE DESIGN OF
THIS ARCHITECTURAL BLOCKCopy !req
24. THE RESIDENTIAL BLOCK.Copy !req
25. AND I THOUGHT IT BEST THAT
THE ARCHITECTS THEMSELVESCopy !req
26. CAME IN TO EXPLAIN
THE ADVANTAGES OF BOTH DESIGNS.Copy !req
27. THAT MUST BE
THE FIRST ARCHITECT NOW.Copy !req
28. AH, YES, IT'S MR. WIGGIN
OF IRONSIDE AND MALONE.Copy !req
29. GOOD MORNING,
GENTLEMEN.Copy !req
30. THIS IS A 12-STORY BLOCKCopy !req
31. COMBINING CLASSICAL
NEO-GEORGIAN FEATURESCopy !req
32. WITH ALL THE ADVANTAGES
OF MODERN DESIGN.Copy !req
33. THE TENANTS ARRIVE
IN THE ENTRANCE HALL HERECopy !req
34. ARE CARRIED ALONG
THE CORRIDOR ON A CONVEYOR BELTCopy !req
35. IN EXTREME COMFORT,
AND PAST MURALSCopy !req
36. DEPICTING
MEDITERRANEAN SCENESCopy !req
37. TOWARDS THE ROTATING KNIVES.Copy !req
38. THE LAST 20 FEET OF THE CORRIDOR
ARE HEAVILY SOUNDPROOFED.Copy !req
39. THE BLOOD POURS DOWN
THESE CHUTESCopy !req
40. AND THE MANGLED FLESH
SLURPS INTO THESE...Copy !req
41. EXCUSE ME.Copy !req
42. HMM?Copy !req
43. DID YOU SAY KNIVES?Copy !req
44. ROTATING KNIVES, YES.Copy !req
45. ARE YOU PROPOSING TO
SLAUGHTER OUR TENANTS?Copy !req
46. DOES THAT NOT FIT IN
WITH YOUR PLANS?Copy !req
47. NO, WE WANTED A SIMPLE
BLOCK OF FLATS.Copy !req
48. AH! I SEE.Copy !req
49. I HADN'T CORRECTLY DIVINED YOUR
ATTITUDE TOWARDS YOUR TENANTS.Copy !req
50. SEE, I MAINLY DESIGN
SLAUGHTERHOUSES, YES, PITY.Copy !req
51. MIND YOU, THIS IS A REAL BEAUT.Copy !req
52. I MEAN, NONE OF YOUR BLOOD
CAKED ON THE WALLSCopy !req
53. AND FLESH FLYING OUT
OF THE WINDOWSCopy !req
54. INCONVENIENCING PASSERSBY
WITH THIS ONE.Copy !req
55. I MEAN, MY LIFE HAS BEEN
BUILDING UP TO THIS.Copy !req
56. YES, AND WELL DONE.Copy !req
57. BUT WE DID WANT
A BLOCK OF FLATS.Copy !req
58. WELL, MAY I ASK YOU
TO RECONSIDER?Copy !req
59. I MEAN, YOU WOULDN'T REGRET IT.Copy !req
60. THINK OF THE TOURIST TRADE.Copy !req
61. NO, IT'S JUST THAT WE WANTED
A BLOCK OF FLATSCopy !req
62. AND NOT AN ABATTOIR.Copy !req
63. YES, WELL, OF COURSE,
THAT'S JUST THE SORTCopy !req
64. OF BLINKERED PHILISTINE
PIG IGNORANCECopy !req
65. I'VE COME TO EXPECT
FROM YOU NON-CREATIVE GARBAGE.Copy !req
66. YOU SIT THERE ON
YOUR LOATHSOME, SPOTTY BEHINDSCopy !req
67. SQUEEZING BLACKHEADSCopy !req
68. NOT CARING A TINKER'S CUSS
ABOUT THE STRUGGLING ARTIST.Copy !req
69. YOU EXCREMENT!Copy !req
70. YOU LOUSY, HYPOCRITICAL,
WHINING TOADIESCopy !req
71. WITH YOUR LOUSY COLOR TV SETS
AND YOUR TONY JACKLIN GOLF CLUBSCopy !req
72. AND YOUR BLEEDING
MASONIC HANDSHAKES.Copy !req
73. YOU WOULDN'T LET ME JOIN,
WOULD YOUCopy !req
74. YOU BLACKBALLING BASTARDS!Copy !req
75. WELL, I WOULDN'T BECOME
A FREEMASON NOWCopy !req
76. IF YOU WENT DOWN ON YOUR LOUSY,
STINKING, PURULENT KNEESCopy !req
77. AND BEGGED ME!Copy !req
78. WELL, WE'RE SORRY
YOU FEEL LIKE THATCopy !req
79. BUT WE DID WANT
A BLOCK OF FLATS...Copy !req
80. NICE THOUGH
THE ABATTOIR IS.Copy !req
81. OH...
THE ABATTOIR.Copy !req
82. THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.Copy !req
83. BUT IF ONE OF YOU COULD
PUT IN A WORD FOR MECopy !req
84. I'D LOVE TO BE A FREEMASON.Copy !req
85. FREEMASONRY OPENS DOORS.Copy !req
86. I MEAN, I WAS...Copy !req
87. I WAS A BIT
ON EDGE JUST NOWCopy !req
88. BUT IF I WAS A MASONCopy !req
89. I'D JUST SIT AT THE BACK
AND NOT GET IN ANYONE'S WAY.Copy !req
90. THANK YOU.Copy !req
91. I'VE GOT
A SECONDHAND APRON.Copy !req
92. THANK YOU.Copy !req
93. I NEARLY GOT IN
AT HENDON.Copy !req
94. THANK YOU.Copy !req
95. I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT,
GENTLEMEN.Copy !req
96. THE SECOND ARCHITECT ISCopy !req
97. A MR. LEAVEY
OF WYMIS AND DIBBLE.Copy !req
98. GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.Copy !req
99. THIS IS A SCALE MODEL
OF THE BLOCK.Copy !req
100. THERE ARE 28 STORIES
WITH 280 MODERN APARTMENTS.Copy !req
101. THERE ARE THREE MAIN LIFTS
AND TWO SERVICE LIFTS.Copy !req
102. ACCESS WOULD BE
FROM DIBBINGLEY ROAD.Copy !req
103. THE STRUCTURE IS BUILT
ON A CENTRAL PILLAR SYSTEMCopy !req
104. WITH CANTILEVERED FLOORSCopy !req
105. IN PRE-STRESSED STEEL
AND CONCRETE.Copy !req
106. THE DIVIDING WALLS ON
EACH FLOOR SECTION ARE FIXEDCopy !req
107. WITH RECESSED MAGNALLIUM
FLANGED GR...Copy !req
108. BY AVOIDING WOOD
AND TIMBER DERIVATIVESCopy !req
109. AND ALL OTHER INFLAMMABLESCopy !req
110. WE'VE ALMOST TOTALLY REMOVED
THE RISK OF...Copy !req
111. QUITE FRANKLY, I THINK
THE CENTRAL PILLAR SYSTEMCopy !req
112. MAY NEED STRENGTHENING A BIT.Copy !req
113. ISN'T THAT GOING
TO PUT THE COST UP?Copy !req
114. IT MIGHT.Copy !req
115. WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER I'D WORRYCopy !req
116. ABOUT STRENGTHENING
THAT MUCH.Copy !req
117. AFTER ALL, THEY'RE NOT
MEANT TO BE LUXURY FLATS.Copy !req
118. NO, I QUITE AGREE.Copy !req
119. I MEAN, PROVIDED THE
TENANTS ARE OF LIGHT BUILDCopy !req
120. AND RELATIVELY SEDENTARYCopy !req
121. AND GIVEN A SPOT
OF GOOD WEATHERCopy !req
122. I THINK WE'RE ONTO
A WINNER HERE.Copy !req
123. OH, THANK YOU.Copy !req
124. QUITE AGREE,
QUITE AGREE.Copy !req
125. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.Copy !req
126. THANK YOU.Copy !req
127. IT OPENS DOORS, I'M TELLING YOU.Copy !req
128. LET'S HAVE A LOOK
AT THAT HANDSHAKE AGAINCopy !req
129. IN SLOWMOTION.Copy !req
130. WHAT OTHER WAYS ARE THERE
OF RECOGNIZING A MASON?Copy !req
131. HAVING ONCE IDENTIFIED A MASON,
IMMEDIATE STEPS MUST BE TAKENCopy !req
132. TO ISOLATE HIM
FROM THE GENERAL PUBLIC.Copy !req
133. HAVING ACCOMPLISHED THATCopy !req
134. IT IS NOW POSSIBLE TO CURE HIMCopy !req
135. OF THESE UNFORTUNATE
MASONIC TENDENCIESCopy !req
136. THROUGH THE USE
OF BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOTHERAPY.Copy !req
137. IN THIS TREATMENTCopy !req
138. THE PATIENT IS REWARDED
FOR THE CORRECT RESPONSECopy !req
139. AND PUNISHED FOR THE WRONG ONE.Copy !req
140. LET US BEGIN.Copy !req
141. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE UP
BEING A MASON?Copy !req
142. THINK CAREFULLY.Copy !req
143. THINK.Copy !req
144. THINK.Copy !req
145. NO.Copy !req
146. NO?Copy !req
147. THAT'S WRONG!Copy !req
148. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!Copy !req
149. NO! NO!Copy !req
150. BAD! BAD DOG! BAD!Copy !req
151. THE BBC WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZECopy !req
152. FOR THE FOLLOWING ANNOUNCEMENT.Copy !req
153. OH!Copy !req
154. AND THE NEXT ITEM IS
A SKETCH ABOUT INSURANCECopy !req
155. CALLED "INSURANCE SKETCH."Copy !req
156. INSURANCE SKETCH!Copy !req
157. INSURANCE SKETCH!Copy !req
158. WHAT DO YOU WANT?Copy !req
159. WELL, I'VE COME ABOUT YOUR
SPECIAL, FULLY COMPREHENSIVECopy !req
160. MOTOR INSURANCE POLICY OFFER.Copy !req
161. WHAT WAS THAT?Copy !req
162. FULLY COMPREHENSIVE
MOTOR INSURANCECopy !req
163. FOR ONE
AND EIGHT PENCE.Copy !req
164. OH! OH, YEAH.Copy !req
165. YEAH.Copy !req
166. WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, GUVCopy !req
167. THAT OFFER'S
NO LONGER VALID.Copy !req
168. YOU SEE, IT TURNED OUTCopy !req
169. NOT TO BE
ECONOMICALLY VIABLECopy !req
170. SO WE NOW HAVE
A TOTALLY NEW OFFER.Copy !req
171. WHAT'S THAT?Copy !req
172. A NUDE LADY.Copy !req
173. NUDE LADY?Copy !req
174. YES, YOU GET A NUDE LADYCopy !req
175. WITH A FULLY COMPREHENSIVE
MOTOR INSURANCE.Copy !req
176. IF YOU JUST WANT THIRD PARTY,
SHE HAS TO KEEP HER BRA ONCopy !req
177. AND IF IT'S JUST THEFT...Copy !req
178. NO, NO, I DON'T REALLY WANT
THAT, MISTER... MISTER...Copy !req
179. DEVIOUS.Copy !req
180. MR. DEVIOUS, I JUST WANT TO KNOW
WHAT IT WOULD COST MECopy !req
181. TO HAVE A FULLY
COMPREHENSIVE INSURANCECopy !req
182. ON A 1970 ASTON MARTIN.Copy !req
183. ASTON MARTIN?Copy !req
184. YEAH.Copy !req
185. 500 QUID.Copy !req
186. 500 QUID?Copy !req
187. 40 QUID.Copy !req
188. 40 QUID?Copy !req
189. 40 QUID AND A NUDE LADY.Copy !req
190. NO, NO, I'M NOT INTERESTED
IN A NUDE LADY.Copy !req
191. DIRTY BOOKS?Copy !req
192. NO, NO, NO, LOOK, I'M NOT
INTERESTED IN ANY OF THAT.Copy !req
193. I JUST WANT TO KNOW
WHAT IT WOULD COST MECopy !req
194. TO HAVE A FULLY
COMPREHENSIVE INSURANCECopy !req
195. ON A 1970 ASTON MARTIN.Copy !req
196. CAN YOU PLEASE QUOTE ME
YOUR PRICE?Copy !req
197. KNOCK, KNOCK.Copy !req
198. WHO'S THERE?Copy !req
199. THE REVEREND.Copy !req
200. THE REVEREND WHO?Copy !req
201. THE REVEREND MORRISON.Copy !req
202. OH, COME IN.Copy !req
203. NOW, THEN, VIC,
WHAT'S THE TROUBLE?Copy !req
204. WELL, IT'S ABOUT THIS LETTER
YOU SENT ME.Copy !req
205. EXCUSE ME.Copy !req
206. DO I HAVE
ANY MORE LINES?Copy !req
207. I DON'T KNOW, MUSH.Copy !req
208. I'LL HAVE A LOOK
IN THE SCRIPT.Copy !req
209. WHERE ARE WE?Copy !req
210. SHOW EIGHT.Copy !req
211. ARE YOU "MAN"?Copy !req
212. YEAH... MAN.Copy !req
213. NO... NO,
YOU'VE FINISHED.Copy !req
214. WELL, I'LL BE OFF, THEN.Copy !req
215. RIGHT.Copy !req
216. "THE VICAR SITS."Copy !req
217. IT'S ABOUT THIS LETTER
YOU SENT MECopy !req
218. REGARDING
MY INSURANCE CLAIM.Copy !req
219. OH, YEAH.Copy !req
220. YEAH, WELL, YOU SEECopy !req
221. IT'S JUST THAT WE'RE NOT AS YETCopy !req
222. TOTALLY SATISFIED WITH
THE GROUNDS OF YOUR CLAIM.Copy !req
223. BUT IT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT
FILLING MY MOUTH IN WITH CEMENT.Copy !req
224. OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST
INSURANCE JARGON, YOU KNOW.Copy !req
225. MY CAR WAS HIT
BY A LORRYCopy !req
226. WHILE STANDING
IN THE GARAGECopy !req
227. AND YOU REFUSE
TO PAY MY CLAIM.Copy !req
228. OH, WELL,
REVEREND MORRISONCopy !req
229. IN YOUR POLICY...Copy !req
230. IN YOUR POLICY...Copy !req
231. HERE WE ARE.Copy !req
232. IT STATES
QUITE CLEARLYCopy !req
233. THAT NO CLAIM YOU MAKE
WILL BE PAID.Copy !req
234. OH, DEAR.Copy !req
235. YOU SEE...Copy !req
236. YOU UNFORTUNATELY PLUMPED
FOR OUR "NEVERPAY" POLICYCopy !req
237. WHICH, YOU KNOW, IF YOU
NEVER CLAIM, IS VERY WORTHWHILECopy !req
238. BUT YOU HAD TO CLAIM,
AND, WELL, THERE IT IS.Copy !req
239. OH, DEAR, OH, DEAR.Copy !req
240. STILL, NEVER MIND,
COULD BE WORSE.Copy !req
241. HOW'S THE NUDE LADY?Copy !req
242. OH, SHE'S FINE.Copy !req
243. LOOK, REV, I HATE
TO SEE A MAN CRYCopy !req
244. SO SHOVE OFF, OUT THE
OFFICE, THAT'S A GOOD CHAP.Copy !req
245. OKAY, DEVIOUS! DON'T MOVE.Copy !req
246. THE BISHOP!Copy !req
247. I TAKE AS MY TEXT FOR TODAY...Copy !req
248. THE TEXT, VIC!Copy !req
249. DON'T SAY THE TEXT!Copy !req
250. LEVITICUS 3-14.Copy !req
251. WE WAS TOO LATE.Copy !req
252. THE REVEREND GRUNDY BIT
THE CEILING.Copy !req
253. HELLO?Copy !req
254. WHAT?Copy !req
255. WE'LL BE RIGHT OVER.Copy !req
256. AND IT IS FOR THIS REASONCopy !req
257. THAT THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH LAYS
UPON YOU, THE GODPARENTS...Copy !req
258. THE OBLIGATION OF SEEING
THIS CHILD IS BROUGHT UPCopy !req
259. IN THE CHRISTIAN FAITH.Copy !req
260. THEREFORE, I NAME THIS CHILD...Copy !req
261. DON'T SAY THE KID'S NAME, VIC!Copy !req
262. FRANCESCO LUIGI...Copy !req
263. WE WAS TOO LATE.Copy !req
264. THE REVEREND NEUK SAW THE LIGHT.Copy !req
265. THE RING, VIC...
DON'T TOUCH THE RING!Copy !req
266. HEY, VIC...Copy !req
267. DEARLY DEPARTED,
DUST TO DUST, ASHES TO ASHES.Copy !req
268. HELP, HELP!Copy !req
269. HELP, HELP!Copy !req
270. HELP, HELP!Copy !req
271. HELP, HELP!Copy !req
272. COME ON.Copy !req
273. OKAY, DEVIOUS, DON'T MOVE!Copy !req
274. THE BISHOP!Copy !req
275. THIS IS WHERE
WE CAME IN.Copy !req
276. YEAH.Copy !req
277. OH, IT'S NICE
TO BE HOME.Copy !req
278. BUILDERS HAVEN'T
BEEN, THEN.Copy !req
279. NO.Copy !req
280. THESE TWO OLD
PEOPLE ARE TYPICALCopy !req
281. OF THE HOUSING PROBLEM
FACING BRITAIN'S AGED.Copy !req
282. HERE! DON'T
YOU START DOINGCopy !req
283. A DOCUMENTARY
ON US, YOUNG MAN.Copy !req
284. OH, PLEASE.Copy !req
285. NO, LEAVE US ALONE.Copy !req
286. OH, JUST A LITTLE ONECopy !req
287. ABOUT THE APPALLING
CONDITIONSCopy !req
288. UNDER WHICH
YOU LIVE?Copy !req
289. NO, GET OUT
OF OUR HOUSE!Copy !req
290. GO ON.Copy !req
291. COME ON, GEORGE, PICK IT UP.Copy !req
292. WHY DON'T YOU DO A DOCUMENTARYCopy !req
293. 'BOUT THE DRUG PROBLEM
ROUND IN WALTON STREET?Copy !req
294. OH, I'LL GO AND HAVE A BATH.Copy !req
295. THE SPLENDOR
FALLS ON CASTLE WALLSCopy !req
296. AND SNOWY SUMMITS
OLD IN STORY...Copy !req
297. HERE! THERE'S
ALFRED LORD TENNYSONCopy !req
298. IN THE BATHROOM!Copy !req
299. WELL, AT LEAST THE POET'S
BEEN INSTALLED, THEN.Copy !req
300. YES, A POET IS ESSENTIAL
FOR COMPLETE HOME COMFORTCopy !req
301. AND ALL-YEAR-ROUND
RELIABILITY AT LOW COST.Copy !req
302. WE IN THE EAST MIDLANDS
POET BOARD HOPE TO HAVECopy !req
303. A POET IN EVERY HOME
BY THE END OF NEXT YEAR.Copy !req
304. I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD...Copy !req
305. THAT FLOATS ON HIGH OR VALE...Copy !req
306. GOOD MORNING,
MADAM.Copy !req
307. I'VE COME TO
READ YOUR POET.Copy !req
308. OH, YES, IT'S
IN THE CUPBOARDCopy !req
309. UNDER THE STAIRS.Copy !req
310. WHAT IS IT... A SWINBURNE?
SHELLEY?Copy !req
311. NO, IT'S A WORDSWORTH.Copy !req
312. OH, BLOODY
DAFFODILS.Copy !req
313. BENEATH THE TREESCopy !req
314. FLUTTERING AND DANCING
IN THE BREEZECopy !req
315. CONTINUOUS AS THE STARSCopy !req
316. THAT SHINE AND TWINKLE
ON THE MILKY WAY...Copy !req
317. RIGHT,
THANK YOU, MADAM.Copy !req
318. OH, NOT AT ALL.
THANK YOU.Copy !req
319. IT'S A NICE
DAY, ISN'T IT?Copy !req
320. YES, YES, THE
WEATHER SITUATIONCopy !req
321. IS GENERALLY
FAVORABLE.Copy !req
322. THERE'S A RIDGE
OF HIGH PRESSURECopy !req
323. CENTERED
OVER IRELANDCopy !req
324. WHICH IS MOVING
STEADILY EASTWARDSCopy !req
325. BRINGING CLOUDY WEATHERCopy !req
326. TO PARTS OF THE
WEST COUNTRY, WALESCopy !req
327. AND AREAS WEST
OF THE PENNINES.Copy !req
328. ON TOMORROW'S CHART...Copy !req
329. THE SITUATION'S
MUCH THE SAME.Copy !req
330. WITH THIS OCCLUDED FRONT
BRINGING DRIER, WARMER WEATHERCopy !req
331. TEMPERATURES ABOUT AVERAGE
FOR THE TIME OF YEAR.Copy !req
332. THAT'S THREE DEGREES CENTIGRADE,
44 DEGREES FAHRENHEITCopy !req
333. SO DON'T FORGET TO WRAP UP WELL.Copy !req
334. THAT'S ALL FROM ME. GOOD NIGHT.Copy !req
335. NOW ON BBC TELEVISION,
A CHOICE OF VIEWING.Copy !req
336. ON BBC 2, A DISCUSSION
ON CENSORSHIPCopy !req
337. BETWEEN DEREK HART, THE BISHOP
OF WOOLWICH AND A NUDE MAN.Copy !req
338. AND ON BBC 1,
ME TELLING YOU THIS.Copy !req
339. AND NOW...Copy !req
340. WE DON'T WANT THAT, DO WE?Copy !req
341. DO YOU REALLY WANT
THAT CHERRY IN YOUR TEA?Copy !req
342. DO YOU LIKE
DOING THIS JOB?Copy !req
343. WELL, IT'S A
LIVING, ISN'T IT?Copy !req
344. I MEAN, DON'T
YOU GET BOREDCopy !req
345. READING PEOPLE'S
POETS ALL DAY?Copy !req
346. WELL... YOU KNOW...
SOMETIMES, YEAH.Copy !req
347. ANYWAY, I THINK
I'LL BETTER BE GOING.Copy !req
348. YOU'VE GOT A NICE
TORCH, HAVEN'T YOU?Copy !req
349. UH, YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
350. IT'S A... IT
GOES, UH, ON AND OFF.Copy !req
351. HOW MANY
VOLTS IS IT?Copy !req
352. OH, UH... WELL,
I'LL HAVE A LOOKCopy !req
353. AT THE BATTERIES.Copy !req
354. OH, YES, YES.Copy !req
355. IT'S, UH... 4½ VOLTS.Copy !req
356. MMM, THAT'S
WONDERFUL.Copy !req
357. DO YOU WANT ANOTHER
LOOK AT THE POET?Copy !req
358. NO, NO, I MUST
BE OFF, REALLY.Copy !req
359. I'VE GOT THOMAS HARDY
IN THE BEDROOM.Copy !req
360. I'D LIKE YOU
TO LOOK AT HIM.Copy !req
361. OH, WELL, I
CAN'T TOUCH HIM;Copy !req
362. HE'S A NOVELIST.Copy !req
363. OH, HE KEEPS
MUMBLING ALL NIGHT.Copy !req
364. AH, WELL, NOVELISTS
DO, YOU SEE.Copy !req
365. OH, FORGET HIM!Copy !req
366. WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DEARY?Copy !req
367. HARNESS.Copy !req
368. NO, NO... YOUR
FIRST NAME, SILLY.Copy !req
369. WOMBAT.Copy !req
370. OH, WOMBAT!
WOMBAT HARNESS!Copy !req
371. TAKE ME TO THE PLACE WHERE
ETERNITY KNOWS NO BOUNDSCopy !req
372. WHERE THE GARDEN OF LOVE
ENCLOSES US ROUND.Copy !req
373. OH, HARNESS...Copy !req
374. ALL RIGHT, I'LL HAVE A QUICK
LOOK AT YOUR THOMAS HARDY.Copy !req
375. NUDE MAN, WHAT DID
YOU MAKE OF THAT?Copy !req
376. WELL, DON'T YOU SEECopy !req
377. THAT WAS EXACTLY THE KIND
OF EXPLICIT SEXUAL REFERENCECopy !req
378. I'M OBJECTING TO.Copy !req
379. IT IS TITILLATION
FOR THE SAKE OF ITCopy !req
380. A DELIBERATE ATTEMPT
AT CHEAP SENSATIONALISM.Copy !req
381. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE SO-CALLED
AVANT-GARDE, LEFT-WINGCopy !req
382. INTELLECTUAL NAMBY-PAMBIES SAY.Copy !req
383. IT IS FILTH!Copy !req
384. BISHOP.Copy !req
385. OKAY, DON'T ANYBODY MOVE!Copy !req
386. THE BBC WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZECopy !req
387. FOR THE CONSTANT
REPETITION IN THIS SHOW.Copy !req
388. THE BBC WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZECopy !req
389. FOR THE CONSTANT
REPETITION IN THIS SHOW.Copy !req
390. WHEE, WHOOPS!Copy !req
391. OH, WHOOPS-A-DAISY!Copy !req
392. SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU UP THERE.Copy !req
393. WHAT? CAN'T A GUY GET
SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE?Copy !req
394. A LITTLE PEACE
AND QUIET'S ALL I WANT.Copy !req
395. SHUT UP RIGHT NOW
OR I'M COMING UP.Copy !req
396. I...Copy !req
397. HOPE...Copy !req
398. YOU'RE...Copy !req
399. EN...Copy !req
400. JOY...Copy !req
401. ING...Copy !req
402. THIS!Copy !req
403. ATTENTION.Copy !req
404. THERE'S BEEN A NASTY
FIVE-FROG CURSE NEAR THE M4.Copy !req
405. PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO THE AREA.Copy !req
406. OH, DEAR.Copy !req
407. LOOKS BAD.Copy !req
408. MMM, VERY BAD.Copy !req
409. QUITE AGREED.Copy !req
410. ONLY WAY THING TO DOCopy !req
411. WITH A MULTIPLE FROG
CURSE LIKE THIS.Copy !req
412. RIGHTO, GET THE MAGIC WAND.Copy !req
413. CLEAR THE AREA.Copy !req
414. FIRE!Copy !req
415. THANK YOU!Copy !req
416. AND NOW A SKETCH ABOUT A CHEMISTCopy !req
417. CALLED "THE CHEMIST SKETCH"!Copy !req
418. RIGHT, I'VE GOT SOME OF
YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS HERE.Copy !req
419. UH, WHO'S
GOT THE POX?Copy !req
420. COME ON, WHO'S GOT THE POX?Copy !req
421. COME ON!
COME...Copy !req
422. CATCH.Copy !req
423. WHO'S GOT A BOIL ON THE BUM?Copy !req
424. BOIL ON THE BOTTY.Copy !req
425. WHO'S GOT THE CHEST RASH?Copy !req
426. HAVE TO GET A BIGGER BOTTLE.Copy !req
427. WHO'S GOT... WHO'S GOT WIND?Copy !req
428. CATCH.Copy !req
429. THE BBC WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZECopy !req
430. FOR THE POOR QUALITY
OF THE WRITING IN THAT SKETCH.Copy !req
431. IT IS NOT BBC POLICY
TO GET EASY LAUGHSCopy !req
432. WITH WORDS LIKE "BUM,"
"KNICKERS,"BOTTY"Copy !req
433. OR "WEE-WEES"... SHH!Copy !req
434. THESE ARE THE WORDSCopy !req
435. WHICH ARE NOT TO BE USED
AGAIN ON THIS PROGRAM.Copy !req
436. SEMPRINI!Copy !req
437. OUT!Copy !req
438. RIGHT, WHO'S GOT A BOIL
ON HIS SEMPRINI, THEN?Copy !req
439. GOOD MORNING.Copy !req
440. GOOD MORNING, SIR.Copy !req
441. GOOD MORNING, I'D LIKE
SOME AFTERSHAVE, PLEASE.Copy !req
442. CERTAINLY, SIR, WALK
THIS WAY, PLEASE.Copy !req
443. IF I COULD
WALK THAT WAYCopy !req
444. I WOULDN'T NEED
AFTERSHAVE.Copy !req
445. GOOD MORNING.Copy !req
446. GOOD MORNING, SIR.Copy !req
447. CAN I HELP YOU?Copy !req
448. YES, I'D LIKE SOME AFTERSHAVE.Copy !req
449. AH, A TOILET
REQUISIT-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T.Copy !req
450. WOULD YOU LIKE
TO TRY THIS, SIR?Copy !req
451. IT'S OUR
VERY LATEST.Copy !req
452. IT'S CALLED
"SEA MIST."Copy !req
453. MMM,
I QUITE LIKE IT.Copy !req
454. HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
A LITTLE MORE MUSKY?Copy !req
455. THIS ONE'S
CALLED "MIMMO."Copy !req
456. MMM, NOT REALLY, NO.Copy !req
457. HAVE YOU ANYTHING
A LITTLE FISHIER?Copy !req
458. FISHIER?Copy !req
459. FISHIER.Copy !req
460. FISH, FISH, FISH.Copy !req
461. A FISHY REQUISIT-T-T-T-T-T-T-T.Copy !req
462. LIKE HALIBUT OR SEA BASS.Copy !req
463. OR BREAM?Copy !req
464. YES.Copy !req
465. NO, WE HAVEN'T
GOT ANY OF THAT.Copy !req
466. UH, I'VE GOT MACKEREL
OR COD OR HAKE.Copy !req
467. YOU HAVEN'T
GOT ANYTHINGCopy !req
468. A LITTLE MORE
HALIBUTISH?Copy !req
469. UH... PARROT?Copy !req
470. WHAT'S THAT
DOING THERE?Copy !req
471. OR SKATE WITH JUST
A HINT OF PRAWN.Copy !req
472. OR CRAB, TIGER AND ALMONDS...
VERY UNUSUAL.Copy !req
473. I REALLY HAD MY HEART
SET ON HALIBUT.Copy !req
474. WELL, SIR, WE HAD A FISHY
CONSIGNMENT IN THIS MORNINGCopy !req
475. SO I COULD NIP
DOWN TO THE BASEMENTCopy !req
476. AND SEE IF I CAN COME UP TRUMPSCopy !req
477. WITH THIS PARTICULAR
REQUISIT-T-T-T-T-T-T-T.Copy !req
478. SO IT WAS HALIBUT OR?Copy !req
479. SEA BASS.Copy !req
480. SEA BASS! WON'T BE
A MOMENT-T-T-T-T-T.Copy !req
481. SORRY ABOUT THIS.Copy !req
482. NORMALLY WE TRY AND AVOID THESE
LITTLE PAUSES... "LONGEURS"...Copy !req
483. ONLY DRAMATICALLY HE'S GONE
DOWN TO THE BASEMENT, YOU SEE.Copy !req
484. COURSE, THERE ISN'T
REALLY A BASEMENT.Copy !req
485. BUT HE JUST GOES OFF
AND WE PRETEND.Copy !req
486. ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENS IS HE
JUST GOES OFF THERE OFF-CAMERACopy !req
487. AND JUST WAITS THERECopy !req
488. SO IT LOOKS AS THOUGH HE'S
GONE DOWN TO THE BASEMENT.Copy !req
489. ACTUALLY I THINK HE'S
RATHER OVERDOING IT.Copy !req
490. AH!Copy !req
491. AH, SORRY, SIR.Copy !req
492. A LOT OF STEPS.Copy !req
493. WELL, I'M AFRAID IT DIDN'T
COME IN THIS MORNING, SIRCopy !req
494. BUT WE HAVE GOT SOME DOWN
AT OUR KENSINGTON BRANCH.Copy !req
495. I'LL JUST NIP DOWN THERE
AND GET IT FOR YOU.Copy !req
496. HOW LONG WILL THAT BE?Copy !req
497. TWENTY MINUTES.Copy !req
498. TWENTY MINUTES!Copy !req
499. PSST!Copy !req
500. OH, I WONDER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE
USE FOR AFTERSHAVE LOTION.Copy !req
501. I USE A BODY
RUB CALLED "HALITOSIS"!Copy !req
502. IT MAKES MY BREATH SEEM SWEET!Copy !req
503. I USE AN AFTERSHAVE
CALLED "SEMPRINI"!Copy !req
504. UH, SORRY, SORRY,
CAN'T STOP NOW.Copy !req
505. I'VE GOT TO GET TO KENSINGTON.Copy !req
506. I USE TWO KINDS OF AFTERSHAVE
FRANKINCENSE, MYRRH...Copy !req
507. THREE KINDSCopy !req
508. FRANKINCENSE, MYRRH, SAN...Copy !req
509. FOUR KINDS OF AFTERSHAVE
FRANKINCENSE...Copy !req
510. I HAVE A COLD SHOWER EVERY
MORNING JUST BEFORE I GO MADCopy !req
511. AND THEN I GO MAD ONE, MAD TWO,
MAD THREE, MAD FOUR...Copy !req
512. I USE RANCID POLECAT NUMBER TWO.Copy !req
513. IT KEEPS MY SKIN NICE AND SCALY.Copy !req
514. UH, SORRY AGAIN. CAN'T STOP.Copy !req
515. GOT TO GET BACK.Copy !req
516. WHOO!Copy !req
517. WELL, I'M AFRAID
THEY DON'T HAVE ANYCopy !req
518. IN OUR KENSINGTON
BRANCHCopy !req
519. BUT WE HAVE GOT SOME
DOWN IN THE DEPOT.Copy !req
520. WHERE'S THAT?Copy !req
521. ABERDEEN.Copy !req
522. ABERDEEN!Copy !req
523. IT'S ALL RIGHT;
YOU WAIT HERE.Copy !req
524. I'VE GOT A CAR.Copy !req
525. NO, NO, NO,
I'LL TAKE THE OTHER...Copy !req
526. THE CRAB,
TIGER AND...Copy !req
527. ALMOND REQUISIT-T-T-T-T-T?Copy !req
528. I'LL TAKE IT.Copy !req
529. RIGHT! RIGHT! RIGHT!Copy !req
530. NOW, THEN, NOW, THEN!Copy !req
531. YOUR TURN.Copy !req
532. AREN'T YOU
GOING TO SAYCopy !req
533. "WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN?"Copy !req
534. OH, RIGHT...
WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN?Copy !req
535. THIS MAN HAS BEEN
SHOPLIFTING, OFFICER.Copy !req
536. OH, YES?Copy !req
537. YES.Copy !req
538. ARE YOU TRYING
TO TELL ME MY JOB?Copy !req
539. UH, NO, BUT HE'S
BEEN SHOPLIFTING.Copy !req
540. LOOK, I MUST WARN YOUCopy !req
541. THAT ANYTHING YOU MAY
SAY WILL BE IGNORED.Copy !req
542. AND FURTHERMORE,
GIVEN HALF A CHANCECopy !req
543. I'LL PUT MY FIST THROUGH
YOUR TEETH... FTANG! FTANG!Copy !req
544. BUT OFFICER,
THIS MAN HERE...Copy !req
545. LOOK, I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF YOU.Copy !req
546. YOU'RE UNDER
ARREST.Copy !req
547. OFFICER, IT WASN'T HIM;
HE'S THE SHOPLIFTER.Copy !req
548. NO, I'M NOT.Copy !req
549. HE'S NOT; I'M
A WITNESS.Copy !req
550. LOOK, ONE MORE PEEP
OUT OF YOUCopy !req
551. AND I'LL DO YOU FOR HERESY.Copy !req
552. HERESY!Copy !req
553. BLIMEY, I DIDN'T EXPECT
THE SPANISH INQUISITION.Copy !req
554. SHUT UP! FTANG, FTANG!Copy !req
555. OOH, THAT'S NICE. RIGHT!Copy !req
556. I'M TAKING YOU ALONG
TO THE STATION.Copy !req
557. WHAT FOR?Copy !req
558. I'M CHARGING YOU
WITH ILLEGAL POSSESSIONCopy !req
559. OF WHATEVER WE HAPPEN TO
HAVE DOWN THERE... RIGHT!Copy !req
560. LUNAR MODULE
CALLING BUZZ ALDRIN.Copy !req
561. COME IN.Copy !req
562. THE BBC WOULD LIKE
TO APOLOGIZE TO THE POLICECopy !req
563. ABOUT THE CHARACTER
OF POLICE CONSTABLE PAN AM.Copy !req
564. HE WAS NOT MEANT TO REPRESENT
THE A VERAGE POLICE OFFICER.Copy !req
565. SIMILARLY, THE REFERENCE TO
BUZZ ALDRIN, THE ASTRONAUTCopy !req
566. WAS THE PRODUCT
OF A DISORDERED MINDCopy !req
567. AND SHOULD NOT BE CONSTRUED AS
HAVING ANY OTHER SIGNIFICANCE.Copy !req
568. AND NOW FOR
SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!Copy !req
569. OH! THAT WAS FUN!Copy !req
570. AND NOW...Copy !req
571. THE END! THE END!Copy !req