Monty Python's Flying Circus 2x3

1. MY, ISN'T IT HOT IN HERE!

2. AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

3. AND NOW FOR SOMETHING MORE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

4. IT'S...

5. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.

6. [Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

7. and A&E TELEVISION NETWORKS]

8. "OH, MR. BELPIT, YOUR LEGS ARE SO SWOL... SWOLLEN."

9. "OH, MR. BELPIT?"

10. "OH, MR. BELPIT, YOUR LEGS ARE SO SWOLLEN."

11. "OH, MR. BELPIT..."

12. EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.

13. I SAW YOUR ADVERTISEMENT

14. FOR FLYING LESSONS

15. AND I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN APPLICATION.

16. NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

17. I'M NOT IN THIS SHOW.

18. OH, I SEE.

19. "OH, MR. BELPIT..."

20. DO YOU... DO YOU...

21. DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THEM...

22. THE FLYING LESSONS?

23. NO, NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

24. I'M NOT IN THIS SHOW.

25. THIS IS SHOW FIVE.

26. I'M NOT IN UNTIL SHOW EIGHT.

27. OH, I SEE.

28. I'M JUST LEARNING MY LINES, YOU KNOW.

29. "OH, MR...

30. OH, MR. BELPIT, YOUR LEGS..."

31. A BIT AWKWARD, EH?

32. YES.

33. I'M A BIT STUCK.

34. WELL, TRY OVER THERE.

35. "OH, MR. BELPIT..." OH, YES, THANKS.

36. NOT AT ALL. THANKS A LOT.

37. "OH, MR. BELPIT, THEY'RE SO SWOL... SWOLLEN."

38. "OH! M... MR. BELPIT, YOUR LEGS..."

39. EXCUSE ME, I SAW YOUR ADVERTISEMENT

40. FOR FLYING LESSONS

41. AND I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN APPLICATION.

42. APPOINTMENT?

43. YES, YES.

44. CERTAINLY.

45. WOULD YOU COME THIS WAY, PLEASE?

46. MORNING, MR. JONES, MR. BARNES.

47. MORNING.

48. MORNING, MRS. WILLS.

49. MORNING, LOVE.

50. TAKE THIS TO MARKETING, WOULD YOU?

51. JUST FOLLOW ME.

52. OH, BE CAREFUL.

53. YES, NEARLY TRIPPED.

54. WE'LL BE THERE SOON.

55. GOOD. IT'S A LONG WAY, ISN'T IT?

56. OH, GET HOLD OF THAT.

57. WATCH IT.

58. MORNING.

59. MORNING.

60. UP THE STAIRS.

61. YES.

62. BE CAREFUL, VERY STEEP.

63. ALMOST THERE.

64. MORNING.

65. MORNING.

66. WILL YOU COME THIS WAY, PLEASE?

67. IN HERE, PLEASE.

68. THANK YOU.

69. HELLO, I SAW YOUR ADVERTISEMENT

70. FOR FLYING LESSONS

71. AND I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.

72. WELL, MR. ANEMONE'S ON THE PHONE AT THE MOMENT

73. BUT I'M SURE HE WON'T MIND IF YOU GO ON IN.

74. THROUGH HERE.

75. AH, WON'T BE A MOMENT.

76. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

77. NO, NO, WELL, LOOK, YOU CAN ASK MR. MAUDLING

78. BUT I'M SURE HE'LL NEVER AGREE.

79. NOT FOR 50 SHILLINGS, NO.

80. NO. BYE-BYE, GORDON.

81. BYE-BYE.

82. OH, DEAR.

83. BYE-BYE.

84. MISSED. NOW, MR. UH...

85. CHIGGER.

86. MR. CHIGGER, SO YOU WANT TO LEARN TO FLY.

87. YES.

88. RIGHT, WELL, UP ON THE TABLE

89. ARMS OUT, FINGERS TOGETHER, KNEES BENT!

90. NO, NO, NO.

91. UP ON THE TABLE!

92. ARMS OUT, FINGERS TOGETHER, KNEES BENT.

93. NOW, HEAD WELL FORWARD.

94. NOW, FLAP YOUR ARMS.

95. GO ON, FLAP FASTER.

96. FASTER, FASTER, FASTER, FASTER, FASTER, FASTER.

97. NOW JUMP!

98. ROTTEN, ROTTEN.

99. YOU'RE NO BLOODY USE AT ALL.

100. YOU'RE AN UTTER BLOODY WASH-OUT.

101. YOU MAKE ME SICK, YOU WEED!

102. NOW, LOOK HERE!

103. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

104. I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE.

105. GET ON THE TABLE.

106. LOOK, I CAME HERE TO LEARN

107. HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE.

108. A WHAT?

109. I CAME HERE TO LEARN

110. HOW TO FLY AN AEROPLANE.

111. OH, AN AEROPLANE.

112. OH, I SAY, WE ARE GRAND, AREN'T WE?

113. OH, OH, NO MORE BUTTERED SCONES FOR ME, MATER.

114. I'M OFF TO PLAY THE GRAND PIANO.

115. PARDON ME WHILE I FLY MY AEROPLANE.

116. NOW, GET ON THE TABLE!

117. LOOK, NO ONE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD

118. HAS EVER BEEN ABLE TO FLY LIKE THAT.

119. OH, I SUPPOSE MATER TOLD YOU THAT

120. WHILE YOU WERE OUT RIDING.

121. WELL, IF PEOPLE CAN'T FLY

122. WHAT AM I DOING UP HERE?

123. YOU'RE ON A WIRE.

124. OH, A WIRE?

125. I'M ON A WIRE, AM I?

126. OF COURSE YOU'RE ON A BLOODY WIRE.

127. I AM NOT ON A WIRE; I AM FLYING.

128. YOU'RE ON A WIRE.

129. I AM FLYING!

130. YOU'RE ON A WIRE!

131. I'LL SHOW YOU WHETHER I'M ON A WIRE OR NOT.

132. GIVE ME THE "OOP."

133. WHAT?

134. OH, I DON'T SUPPOSE

135. WE KNOW WHAT AN OOP IS.

136. I SUPPOSE PATER THOUGHT THEY WERE A BIT COMMON

137. EXCEPT ON THE BLEEDING CROQUET LAWN.

138. OH, A "HOOP."

139. "OH! AN HOOP."

140. THANK YOU, YOUR BLEEDING HIGHNESS.

141. NOW... LOOK.

142. GO ON!

143. RIGHT THE WAY ALONG.

144. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

145. THERE, NOW, WHERE'S THE BLEEDING WIRE?

146. THAT HOOP'S GOT A HOLE IN.

147. OH, ETON AND MAGDALENE, THE HOOP HAS AN HOLE IN.

148. OF COURSE IT'S GOT A HOLE IN!

149. IT WOULDN'T BE A HOOP OTHERWISE, WOULD IT, MUSH?

150. NO, THERE'S A GAP IN THE MIDDLE, THERE.

151. OH, A GAP, A GAP IN ONE'S HOOP.

152. PARDON ME, BUT I'M OFF TO PLAY THE GRAND PIANO.

153. LOOK, I CAN SEE YOU'RE ON A WIRE.

154. LOOK, THERE IT IS.

155. LOOK, I TOLD YOU, YOU BASTARD...

156. I'M NOT ON A WIRE.

157. YOU ARE. THERE IS.

158. THERE ISN'T.

159. IS.

160. ISN'T! IS!

161. ISN'T! IS!

162. ISN'T! IS! ISN'T! IS!

163. ANYWAY, THIS RATHER POINTLESS BICKERING

164. WENT ON FOR SOME TIME UNTIL...

165. GOSH, I AM GLAD

166. I'M A FULLY QUALIFIED AIRLINE PILOT.

167. THE BRITISH AIRLINE PILOTS ASSOCIATION

168. WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT IT TAKES A CHAP SIX YEARS

169. TO BECOME A FULLY QUALIFIED AIRLINE PILOT, AND NOT TWO.

170. THANK YOU.

171. I DIDN'T WANT TO SEEM

172. A BIT OF AN OLD FUSSPOT JUST NOW, YOU KNOW

173. BUT IT'S JUST AS EASY TO GET THESE THINGS RIGHT

174. AS THEY ARE EASILY FOUND IN THE BALPA HANDBOOK.

175. OH, ONE OTHER THING... IN THE SHERLOCK HOLMES LAST WEEK

176. TOMMY COOPER TOLD A JOKE ABOUT A CHARTER FLIGHT

177. OMITTING TO POINT OUT THAT ONE MUST BE A MEMBER

178. OF ANY ORGANIZATION THAT CHARTERS A PLANE

179. FOR AT LEAST SIX MONTHS BEFOREHAND

180. BEFORE BEING ABLE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT.

181. DID RATHER SPOIL THE JOKE FOR ME, I'M AFRAID.

182. YES, AH, YES, YES.

183. MY WIFE HAS JUST REMINDED ME THAT ON A RECENT HIGH CHAPARRAL

184. KATHY KIRBY WAS SINGING GLIBLY ABOUT "FLY ME TO THE STARS"

185. WHEN, OF COURSE, THERE ARE NO SCHEDULED FLIGHTS OF THIS KIND

186. OR EVEN CHARTERED, AVAILABLE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC

187. AT THE PRESENT MOMENT.

188. ALTHOUGH, OF COURSE, WHEN THEY ARE

189. BALPA WILL BE IN THE VANGUARD...

190. OR THE TRIDENT.

191. LITTLE JOKE FOR THE CHAPS UP AT BALPA HOUSE.

192. UH, ONE OTHER SMALL POINT.

193. WHY IS IT THAT THESE NEW LUREX DANCING TIGHTS

194. GO BAGGY AT THE KNEES AFTER ONLY A COUPLE OF EVENINGS' FUN?

195. BRING BACK THE OLD CANVAS ONES, I SAY.

196. IT IS INCREDIBLE, ISN'T IT

197. THAT IN THESE DAYS WHEN MAN CAN WALK ON THE MOON

198. AND WORK OUT THE MOST COMPLICATED

199. HIRE PURCHASE AGREEMENTS

200. I STILL GET THESE TERRIBLE HEADACHES.

201. ALL RIGHT, I SEEM TO HAVE WANDERED A BIT

202. BUT STILL, NO HARM DONE.

203. JOLLY GOOD LUCK.

204. ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN THERE ALL DAY?

205. OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO GO, YOU KNOW!

206. THE DOOR'S JAMMED, IF YOU ASK ME.

207. AH! THAT'S BETTER.

208. OH, MY GOD.

209. AH, I'M TERRIBLY SORRY.

210. I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE BALLY TOILET.

211. THIS IS THE CONTROL CABIN.

212. OH, I KNOW THAT.

213. I'M A FLYING MAN, YOU KNOW, YES.

214. BALLY STUPID MISTAKE.

215. CLOUD'S HEAVY.

216. WHAT'S THE READING?

217. UH, 4.8... STEADY.

218. IF THEY HAD ALL THESE DIALS IN THE TOILET

219. THERE WOULDN'T BE ROOM

220. FOR ANYTHING ELSE, WOULD THERE?

221. HELLO, GENEVA, THIS IS ROGER FIVE-O.

222. WHAT IS YOUR CLOUD READING? HELLO, GENEVA.

223. I WOULDN'T FANCY FLYING ONE OF THESE

224. SITTING ON THE TOILET.

225. I MEAN, IT'D TAKE THE GLAMOUR

226. OUT OF BEING A PILOT, WOULDN'T IT?

227. FLYING AROUND THE WORLD SITTING ON A TOILET.

228. Geneva here.

229. 4.9... heavy. Over.

230. SERIOUS?

231. NO, NOT IF IT KEEPS AT THAT LEVEL, NO.

232. MIND, MIND YOU

233. IF YOU DID FLY IT FROM THE TOILET

234. IT'D LEAVE A LOT MORE SPACE UP HERE

235. WOULDN'T IT?

236. WELL, I'D BETTER GET BACK TO THE CABIN, THEN.

237. UH, SORRY ABOUT THE SILLY INTRUSION.

238. BALLY STUPID.

239. THE DOOR'S JAMMED.

240. BALLY PIECE OF LUCK.

241. OH, HELLO.

242. EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT AT THE BACK?

243. YES, THEY'RE QUIET AS DORMICE.

244. DORMICE?

245. ALL RIGHT, DON'T ANYBODY MOVE.

246. UH... EXCEPT TO CONTROL THE AIRPLANE...

247. YOU CAN MOVE A LITTLE TO DO THAT.

248. CAN I MOVE?

249. UH, YES, YES, YES.

250. YOU CAN MOVE A LITTLE BIT, YES.

251. SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE

252. QUITE SO DOGMATIC WHEN I CAME IN.

253. OBVIOUSLY, YOU CAN ALL MOVE A LITTLE, WITHIN REASON.

254. THERE ARE CERTAIN INVOLUNTARY MUSCULAR MOVEMENTS

255. THAT NO AMOUNT OF SELF-CONTROL CAN PREVENT.

256. AND OBVIOUSLY, ANY ASSERTION OF AUTHORITY ON MY PART...

257. I'VE GOT TO TAKE THAT INTO ACCOUNT.

258. RIGHT, I MEAN, ONE COULDN'T, FOR EXAMPLE

259. STOP ONE'S INSIDES FROM MOVING.

260. NO, NO... GOOD POINT, GOOD POINT.

261. AND THE VERY FACT THAT THE PLANE

262. IS CONTINUOUSLY VIBRATING

263. MEANS WE'RE ALL MOVING TO A CERTAIN EXTENT.

264. AND WE'RE ALL MOVING OUR LIPS

265. AREN'T WE?

266. YES, YES. YES, YES

267. ABSOLUTELY.

268. NO, THE GIST OF MY MEANING WAS

269. THAT SUDDEN, UH...

270. EXAGGERATED MOVEMENTS!

271. EXAGGERATED, VIOLENT MOVEMENTS ARE... ARE OUT.

272. WELL, THAT'S THE GREAT THING

273. ABOUT THESE MODERN AIRLINERS.

274. I MEAN, I CAN KEEP THIS PLANE FLYING

275. WITH ONLY THE SMALLEST MOVEMENT

276. AND PANCHO HERE DOESN'T HAVE TO MOVE AT ALL.

277. OH, THAT'S MARVELOUS.

278. OOH, AND I DON'T REALLY NEED TO MOVE EITHER

279. UNLESS I GET AN ITCH OR SOMETHING.

280. WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

281. 60% SUCCESS, EH?

282. 60%, YEAH.

283. OH, DEAR.

284. ANYWAY, BEARING ALL THAT IN MIND

285. WILL YOU FLY THIS PLANE TO LUTON, PLEASE?

286. WELL, THIS IS

287. A SCHEDULED FLIGHT TO CUBA.

288. I KNOW, I KNOW.

289. THAT'S RATHER WHY I CAME IN HERE

290. WITH THAT POINT ABOUT NOBODY MOVING.

291. OH, I SEE. WITHIN REASON.

292. WITHIN REASON.

293. WITHIN REASON, RIGHT.

294. YES, UM, YOU KNOW...

295. I WANT YOU

296. TO FLY THIS PLANE TO LUTON!

297. PLEASE.

298. RIGHT, WELL, I'D BETTER TURN

299. THE PLANE ROUND THEN.

300. UH, STAND BY... EMERGENCY SYSTEMS.

301. LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE ANY TROUBLE.

302. NO, NO, WE'LL MANAGE, WE'LL MANAGE.

303. I MEAN, NEAR LUTON WILL DO, YOU KNOW.

304. HARPENDEN, DO YOU GO NEAR HARPENDEN?

305. IT'S ON THE FLIGHT PATH.

306. OKAY, WELL, DROP ME OFF THERE.

307. I'LL GET A BUS TO LUTON.

308. IT'S ONLY 25 MINUTES.

309. YOU CAN BE IN LUTON BY LUNCHTIME.

310. WELL, THAT'S SMASHING.

311. THERE'S NO AIRPORT AT HARPENDEN.

312. OH, WELL, LOOK, FORGET IT, FORGET IT.

313. I'LL COME TO CUBA

314. AND GET A FLIGHT BACK TO LUTON FROM THERE.

315. WELL, WE COULD LEND YOU A PARACHUTE.

316. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT.

317. I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT...

318. DIRTYING A NICE, CLEAN PARACHUTE.

319. I KNOW, I KNOW.

320. THERE'S A BALE OF HAY

321. OUTSIDE BASINGSTOKE.

322. WE COULD THROW YOU OUT.

323. WELL, IF IT'S ALL RIGHT.

324. SURE, YEAH. YEAH!

325. NOT ANY TROUBLE?

326. NO, NONE AT ALL.

327. THAT'S MARVELOUS.

328. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

329. SORRY TO COME BARGING IN.

330. BYE-BYE.

331. THANK YOU.

332. BYE.

333. THANK... YOU!

334. TAKE THIS BUS TO CUBA.

335. FROM THESE GLENS AND SCARS

336. THE SOUND OF THE COOT AND THE MOORHEN IS SELDOM ABSENT.

337. NATURE SITS IN STERN MASTERY OVER THESE ROCKS AND CRAGS.

338. THE RUSH OF THE MOUNTAIN STREAM, THE BLEAT OF THE SHEEP

339. AND THE BROAD, CLEAR HIGHLAND SKIES REFLECTED IN TARN AND LOCH

340. FORM THE BREATHTAKING BACKDROP

341. AGAINST WHICH EWAN McTEAGLE WRITES SUCH POEMS

342. AS "LEND US A QUID TILL THE END OF THE WEEK."

343. BUT IT WAS WITH MORE SIMPLE, HOMESPUN VERSES

344. THAT McTEAGLE'S UNIQUE STYLE FIRST FLOWERED.

345. "IF YOU COULD SEE YOUR WAY TO LENDING ME SIXPENCE

346. "I COULD AT LEAST BUY A NEWSPAPER.

347. THAT'S NOT MUCH TO ASK ANYONE."

348. ONE WOMAN WHO REMEMBERS McTEAGLE AS A YOUNG FRIEND...

349. LASSIE O'SHEA.

350. OH... MR. McTEAGLE WROTE ME TWO POEMS

351. BETWEEN THE MONTHS OF JANUARY AND APRIL, 1969.

352. COULD YOU READ US ONE?

353. OCH, I DINNA LIKE TO, THOUGH.

354. THEY WERE KIND OF PERSONAL...

355. BUT I WILL.

356. "TO MY OWN BELOVED LASSIE.

357. "A POEM ON HER 17th BIRTHDAY.

358. "LEND US A COUPLE OF BOB TILL THURSDAY.

359. "I'M ABSOLUTELY SKINT.

360. "BUT I'M EXPECTING A POSTAL ORDER

361. "AND I CAN PAY YOU BACK AS SOON AS IT COMES.

362. LOVE, EWAN."

363. BEAUTIFUL.

364. SINCE THEN, McTEAGLE HAS DEVELOPED AND WIDENED

365. HIS LITERARY SCOPE.

366. THREE YEARS AGO HE CONCERNED HIMSELF WITH QUITE SMALL SUMS

367. QUICK BITS OF READY CASH... SIXPENCES, SHILLINGS.

368. BUT MORE RECENTLY

369. HE HAS TURNED HIS EXTRAORDINARY LITERARY PERCEPTION

370. TO MUCH LARGER SUMS... 15 SHILLINGS, £4.12.6d...

371. EVEN NINE GUINEAS.

372. BUT THERE IS STILL NOTHING TO MATCH THE HUGE SWEEP

373. THE MAJESTIC POWER OF WHAT IS

374. "CAN I HAVE £50 TO MEND THE SHED?"

375. CAN I HAVE £50 TO MEND THE SHED?

376. I'M RIGHT ON MY UPPERS.

377. I CAN PAY YOU BACK

378. WHEN THIS POSTAL ORDER COMES FROM AUSTRALIA.

379. HONESTLY.

380. HOPE THE BLADDER TROUBLE'S GETTING BETTER.

381. LOVE... EWAN.

382. THERE SEEMS TO BE NO END TO McTEAGLE'S POETIC INVENTION.

383. "MY NEW CHECKBOOK HASN'T ARRIVED" WAS FOLLOWED UP

384. BY THE BRILLIANTLY ALLEGORICAL

385. "WHAT'S 20 QUID TO THE BLOODY MIDLAND BANK?"

386. AND MORE RECENTLY HIS PRIZEWINNING POEM

387. "CAN YOU LEND ME 1,000 QUID?"

388. I THINK WHAT McTEAGLE'S POTTERY... POETRY IS DOING

389. IS REJECTING ALL THE TRADITIONAL CLICHES OF MODERN POTTERY.

390. NO LONGER DO WE HAVE TO BE CONTENT

391. WITH KEATS'S "SEASONS OF MISTS AND MELLOW FRUITFULNESS"

392. WORDSWORTH'S "I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD"

393. AND MILTON'S "CAN YOU LEND US TWO BOB TILL TUESDAY?"

394. "OH, GIE TO ME A SHILLIN' FOR SOME FAGS

395. "AND I'LL PAY YER BACK ON THURSDAY

396. "BUT IF YOU CAN WAIT TILL SATURDAY

397. I'M EXPECTING A DIVVY FROM THE HARPENDEN BUILDING SOCIETY."

398. OH, SOD 'EM.

399. WORKING MY FINGERS TO THE BONE...

400. AS A HIGHLANDER, I WOULD LIKE TO COMPLAIN

401. ABOUT SOME INACCURACIES IN THE PRECEDING FILM

402. ABOUT THE POET EWAN McTEAGLE.

403. ALTHOUGH HIS NAME WAS QUITE CLEARLY GIVEN AS McTEAGLE

404. HE WAS THROUGHOUT WEARING THE CAMERON TARTAN.

405. ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT THE BALPA SPOKESMAN

406. WHO COMPLAINED ABOUT AERONAUTICAL INACCURACIES

407. WAS HIMSELF WEARING A CAPTAIN'S HAT

408. WHEREAS HE ONLY HAD LIEUTENANT'S STRIPES

409. ON THE SLEEVES OF HIS JACKET.

410. ALSO, IN THE INVERNESS PANTOMIME LAST CHRISTMAS

411. THE PART OF PUSS IN BOOTS WAS PLAYED BY A NATIVE OF NEW GUINEA

412. WITH A PLATE IN HER LIP...

413. SO THAT EVERY TIME

414. DICK WHITTINGTON GAVE HER A FRENCH KISS

415. HE GOT THE BACK OF HIS THROAT SCRAPED.

416. LOOK, WOULD YOU MIND GOING AWAY?

417. I'M TRYING TO EXAMINE THIS MAN.

418. IT'S, UH... IT'S ALL RIGHT.

419. I... I AM A DOCTOR.

420. ACTUALLY, I'M A GYNECOLOGIST, BUT THIS IS MY LUNCH HOUR.

421. I HAVE A NASTY FEELING I AM SOMEBODY'S LUNCH HOUR.

422. ACTUALLY, I FIND VIOLENCE EXTREMELY DISTASTEFUL...

423. ONLY IT WAS THE ONLY PART OFFERED, AND I NEED THE WORK.

424. PAT-A-CAKE, PAT-A-CAKE, BAKER'S MAN.

425. GOOD MORNING, MADAM, I'M A PSYCHIATRIST.

426. YOU LOOK LIKE A MILKMAN TO ME.

427. GOOD. I AM IN FACT DRESSED AS A MILKMAN.

428. YOU SPOTTED THAT... WELL DONE.

429. GO AWAY.

430. I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU THREE NUMBERS

431. AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME

432. IF YOU SEE ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN THEM.

433. THEY'RE ALL NUMBER THREE.

434. NO. TRY AGAIN.

435. THEY'RE ALL NUMBER THREE?

436. NO. THEY'RE ALL NUMBER THREE.

437. RIGHT, NOW, I'M GOING TO SAY A WORD

438. AND I WANT YOU TO SAY

439. THE FIRST THING THAT COMES INTO YOUR HEAD.

440. HOW MANY PINTS DO YOU WANT?

441. UH... THREE?

442. YOGURT? NO.

443. CREAM? NO.

444. EGGS? NO.

445. YOU'RE QUITE CLEARLY SUFFERING

446. FROM A REPRESSIVE LIBIDO COMPLEX

447. PROBABLY THE RESULT OF A PRODUCT

448. OF AN UNHAPPY CHILDHOOD

449. COUPLED WITH ACUTE INSECURITY IN ADOLESCENCE

450. WHICH HAS RESULTED

451. IN AN ATTENUATION OF THE LIBIDO COMPLEX.

452. YOU ARE A BLOODY MILKMAN!

453. DON'T YOU SHOUT AT ME, MADAM.

454. DON'T COME THAT TONE.

455. NOW THEN, I MUST ASK YOU

456. TO ACCOMPANY ME DOWN TO THE DAIRY

457. AND DO SOME APTITUDE TESTS.

458. I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN COME DOWN TO THE DAIRY.

459. MRS. RATBAG, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME SAYING SO

460. YOU ARE BADLY IN NEED

461. OF AN EXPENSIVE COURSE OF PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT.

462. NOW, I'M NOT GOING TO SAY

463. A TRIP TO OUR DAIRY WILL CURE YOU

464. BUT IT WILL GIVE HUNDREDS OF LOWER-PAID WORKERS

465. A GOOD LAUGH.

466. ALL RIGHT, BUT HOW AM I GOING TO GET HOME?

467. I'LL RUN YOU THERE AND BACK

468. ON MY PSYCHIATRIST'S FLOAT.

469. ALL RIGHT.

470. WHAT ARE ALL THOSE?

471. THEY'RE CASE HISTORIES.

472. PSYCHIATRISTS!

473. PSYCHIATRISTS! PSYCHIATRISTS!

474. YES, SIR?

475. GOOD MORNING.

476. AFRAID OUR REGULAR PSYCHIATRIST

477. HASN'T COME ROUND THIS MORNING

478. AND I'VE GOT AN EGO BLOCK

479. WHICH IS IN TURN MAKING MY WIFE OVER-ASSERTIVE

480. AND GETTING US BOTH INTO A STATE OF DEPRESSIVE NEUROSIS.

481. I SEE, SIR, WHO'S YOUR REGULAR?

482. JERSEY CREAM PSYCHIATRISTS.

483. OH, YES, I KNOW THEM.

484. RIGHT, WELL, UH... WHAT'S YOUR JOB, THEN?

485. I'M A DOCTOR.

486. DIDN'T I SEE YOU JUST NOW UNDER A SCOTSMAN?

487. YES, BUT I AM A DOCTOR.

488. ACTUALLY, I'M A GYNECOLOGIST BUT THAT WAS MY LUNCH HOUR.

489. WHAT DOES THIS REMIND YOU OF?

490. TWO PINTS OF CREAM?

491. RIGHT. I SHOULD DEFINITELY SAY

492. YOU'RE SUFFERING

493. FROM SEVERE PERSONALITY DISORDER, SIR

494. SUBLIMATING ITSELF IN A LACTIC OBSESSION

495. WHICH COULD GET WORSE

496. DEPENDING ON HOW MUCH MONEY YOU'VE GOT.

497. YES, YES, I SEE.

498. AND A POT OF YOGURT, PLEASE.

499. I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

500. OF COMPLAINING ABOUT THE WAY IN WHICH THESE SHOWS

501. ARE CONTINUALLY PORTRAYING PSYCHIATRISTS

502. WHO MAKE PAT DIAGNOSES OF PATIENTS' PROBLEMS

503. WITHOUT FIRST OBTAINING THEIR FULL MEDICAL HISTORY.

504. MIND YOU, THAT'S JUST A PAT DIAGNOSIS

505. MADE WITHOUT FIRST OBTAINING YOUR FULL MEDICAL HISTORY.

506. I FEEL THE TIME HAS COME TO COMPLAIN ABOUT PEOPLE

507. WHO MAKE RASH COMPLAINTS

508. WITHOUT FIRST MAKING SURE THAT THOSE COMPLAINTS ARE JUSTIFIED.

509. ARE YOU REFERRING TO ME?

510. NOT NECESSARILY.

511. HOWEVER, I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT

512. THAT THE BALPA SPOKESMAN WAS WEARING

513. THE BRITISH PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION DINNER DANCE CLUB CUFF LINKS.

514. YES, I NOTICED THAT, TOO.

515. THESE ARE NOT BRITISH PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION DINNER DANCE CLUB CUFF LINKS.

516. SORRY.

517. THEY ARE, IN FACT

518. BRITISH SUGAR CORPORATION

519. GILBERT AND SULLIVAN SOCIETY CUFF LINKS.

520. IT IS IN FACT A SORT OF IN-JOKE WITH US LADS HERE AT BALPA.

521. I THINK THE LAST SPEAKER SHOULD HAVE CHECKED HIS FACTS

522. BEFORE MAKING HIS OWN RASH COMPLAINT.

523. YEAH, THAT'LL TEACH HIM.

524. HOWEVER, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO ADD A COMPLAINT

525. ABOUT SHOWS WHICH HAVE TOO MANY COMPLAINTS IN THEM

526. AS THEY GET VERY TEDIOUS FOR THE AVERAGE VIEWER.

527. I'D LIKE TO COMPLAIN

528. ABOUT PEOPLE WHO HOLD THINGS UP

529. BY COMPLAINING ABOUT PEOPLE COMPLAINING.

530. IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMETHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT.

531. NURSE! WOULD YOU TAKE MRS. PIM

532. TO SEE DR. CREAM, PLEASE?

533. CERTAINLY, DOCTOR.

534. WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE.

535. OH, IF I COULD WALK THAT WAY, I...

536. MRS. PIM TO SEE YOU, DR. CREAM.

537. I JUST WANT ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES WITH AUDREY.

538. COULD YOU SHOW MRS. PIM

539. INTO THE WAITING ROOM, PLEASE?

540. YES, DOCTOR.

541. RIGHT, AUDREY, WHEN DID YOU FIRST START THINKING

542. YOU WERE A COW?

543. "JEEZ, MR. BELPIT

544. YOUR LEGS IS ALL SWOLLEN."

545. "OI! MR. BELPIT...

546. YOUR GREAT LEGS IS ALL SWOLLEN!"

547. "AH! MR. BELPIT

548. YOUR LEGS ARE ALL SWOLLEN!"

549. GOOD EVENING.

550. TONIGHT ON IT'S THE MIND

551. WE EXAMINE THE PHENOMENON OF DEJA VU...

552. THAT STRANGE FEELING WE SOMETIMES GET

553. THAT WE'VE LIVED THROUGH SOMETHING BEFORE

554. THAT WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW HAS ALREADY HAPPENED.

555. TONIGHT ON IT'S THE MIND

556. WE EXAMINE THE PHENOMENON OF DEJA VU

557. THAT STRANGE FEELING WE SOMETIMES GET

558. THAT WE'VE LIVED...

559. ANYWAY, TONIGHT ON IT'S THE MIND

560. WE EXAMINE THE PHENOMENON OF DEJA VU

561. THAT STRANGE...

562. GOOD EVENING.

563. TONIGHT ON IT'S THE MIND

564. WE EXAMINE THE PHENOMENON OF DEJA VU

565. THAT STRANGE FEELING WE SOMETIM...

566. MES GET...

567. THAT...

568. WE'VE LIVED THROUGH SOMETHING...

569. GOOD... GOOD EVENING.

570. TONIGHT ON IT'S THE MIND

571. WE EXAMINE THE PHENOMENON OF D-D-D-D-D-DEJA V-V-V-VU

572. THAT EXTRAORDINARY FEELING...

573. QUITE EXTRAORDINARY...

574. NO, FINE, THANKS, FINE.

575. OH, THANK YOU.

576. THAT STRANGE FEELING WE SOMETIMES GET

577. THAT WE'VE LIVED THROUGH SOMETHING BEFORE.

578. NO, FINE, THANK YOU. FINE.

579. THANK YOU.

580. THAT STRANGE FEELING...

581. NO. FINE, THANK YOU. FINE.

582. THANK YOU.

583. LOOK, SOMETHING'S HAPPENING TO ME.

584. I... UM... I THINK I'D BETTER GO AND SEE SOMEONE.

585. GOODNIGHT.

586. WAIT! HEY!

587. OI, HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU SOMEWHERE BEFORE?

588. NO, DOCTOR, NO.

589. SOMETHING VERY FUNNY'S HAPPENING TO ME.

590. HEY!

591. OI, HAVEN'T I SEEN YOU SOMEWHERE BEFORE?

592. NO, DOCTOR, NO.

593. SOMETHING VERY FUNNY'S HAPPENING TO ME.

594. "OH, MR. BELPIT, YOUR LEGS ARE SO SWOLLEN."

595. AH, COME IN.

596. NOW, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE MATTER?

597. I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE FEELING OF DEJA VU.

598. AH, COME IN.

599. NOW, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE MATTER?

600. I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE FEELING OF DEJA VU.

601. AH, COME IN.

602. NOW, WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE MATTER?

603. I HAVE THIS TERRIBLE FEELING OF DEJA VU.