Monty Python's Flying Circus 2x11

1. COME IN.

2. AH, FROG.

3. S. FROG.

4. SHUT UP.

5. A WORD WITH YOU, FROG.

6. S. FROG, SIR. SHUT UP.

7. IT'S ABOUT YOUR

8. FOR CONQUISTADOR COFFEE.

9. NOW, I'VE HAD

10. AND HE'S VERY UNHAPPY WITH YOUR CAMPAIGN.

11. VERY UNHAPPY.

12. IN FACT, HE SHOT HIMSELF.

13. BADLY, SIR?

14. NO. EXTREMELY WELL.

15. WELL, BEFORE HE WENT

16. WITH THE COMPANY SECRETARY.

17. "CONQUISTADOR INSTANT COFFEE" TO "CONQUISTADOR INSTANT LEPROSY."

18. WHY, FROG?

19. S. FROG, SIR.

20. SHUT UP.

21. WHY DID YOU DO IT?

22. IT WAS A JOKE.

23. A JOKE?

24. NO. NO, NOT A JOKE.

25. A SALES CAMPAIGN.

26. I SEE, FROG.

27. S. FROG, SIR.

28. SHUT UP.

29. NOW, LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THE SALES CHART.

30. THIS ACCOUNT, FROG

31. BRAND LEADER.

32. YOUR FIRST CAMPAIGN...

33. "CONQUISTADOR COFFEE

34. TO THE WORD 'VOMIT'."

35. WITH EVERY JAR.

36. "THE TINGLING FRESH COFFEE

37. "WHICH BRINGS YOU EXCITING NEW CHOLERA, MANGE, SAPPORTIA

38. "DROPSY, THE CLAP, HARD PAD, AND ATHLETE'S HEAD

39. FROM THE HOUSE OF CONQUISTADOR."

40. IT WAS A SOFT SELL, SIR.

41. WHY, FROG?

42. S. FROG, SIR.

43. SHUT UP.

44. WELL?

45. WELL, PEOPLE KNOW THE NAME, SIR.

46. THEY CERTAINLY DO KNOW THE NAME.

47. THEY BURNED THE FACTORY DOWN.

48. IN MY BATHROOM.

49. IN MY BATHROOM.

50. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIRE ME, SIR?

51. FIRE YOU?

52. THREE MEN DEAD,

53. COMPLETELY BANKRUPT.

54. WHAT CAN YOU POSSIBLY SAY?

55. YOU POSSIBLY MAKE!

56. SORRY, FATHER.

57. AH, YES.

58. OH, INCIDENTALLY, YOUR FILM'S WON A PRIZE.

59. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

60. DIFF COMPLETELY...

61. DIFF COMPLETELY...

62. DIFF COMPLETELY...

63. DIFF COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

64. IT'S...

65. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS.

66. 1929. STANLEY BALDWIN'S

67. AND RAMSAY MacDONALD BECOMES

68. PRIME MINISTER OF ENGLAND.

69. WHEW. MY, IT'S HOT IN HERE.

70. HELLO? COME IN.

71. AH, HELLO, HELLO.

72. FOR THE BRIEFCASE?

73. WELL, I...

74. ALL RIGHT, THEN

75. A FIVER DOWN, MUST BE MY FINAL OFFER.

76. I DON'T REALLY WANT TO SELL THEM.

77. I'VE COME FOR A JOB.

78. OH, TAKE A SEAT. TAKE A SEAT.

79. THANK YOU.

80. WITH THE ALUMINUM FRAME.

81. I'LL THROW THAT IN.

82. BRIEFCASE AND THE UMBRELLA.

83. NO, MAKE IT FAIR,

84. AND THE CHAIR'S YOURS

85. U-BOAT COMMANDER'S BINOCULARS.

86. REALLY, THEY'RE NOT FOR SALE.

87. NOT FOR SALE?

88. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

89. FOR THE JOB OF ASSISTANT EDITOR.

90. OH, YEAH. YEAH, RIGHT.

91. OH, OKAY.

92. UH, HOW MUCH EXPERIENCE IN JOURNALISM?

93. FIVE YEARS.

94. RIGHT. TYPING SPEED?

95. 50.

96. "O" LEVELS?

97. EIGHT.

98. "A" LEVELS?

99. TWO.

100. RIGHT.

101. WELL, I'LL GIVE YOU THE JOB...

102. AND THE CHAIR AND AN ALL-WOOL,

103. FOR THE BRIEFCASE,

104. AND YOUR STRING VEST.

105. WHEN DO I START?

106. MONDAY. MARVELOUS.

107. THE SHOES AS WELL.

108. HELLO, MISS JOHNSON

109. AND BISCUITS, PLEASE?

110. One coffee and one biscuit for the two ex-army greatcoats

111. and the alarm clock on the mantelpiece.

112. FOR TWO COFFEES AND BISCUITS.

113. AND TWO TABLE LAMPS.

114. TWO GREATCOATS, ONE TABLE LAMP, AND A DESERT BOOT.

115. FOR TWO COFFEE AND BISCUITS?

116. DONE.

117. DONE.

118. SO, MISS JOHNSON

119. FATE HAD IN STORE FOR HER.

120. OF THE DREADED, INTERNATIONAL CHINESE COMMUNIST CONSPIRACY.

121. YES, THESE FANATICAL FIENDS...

122. OF THE SO-CALLED MAO TSE-TUNG...

123. FOR ONE BRIEF, BUT FATAL MOMENT...

124. AND DESTROYED HER.

125. OF DEMOCRACY.

126. YES, ONCE AGAIN, AMERICAN

127. AGAINST INTERNATIONAL COMMUNISM.

128. WE CAN SEE HOW

129. FROM THE INSIDE.

130. TO INTERNATIONAL COMMUNISM, ITS NEIGHBORS SOON FOLLOW.

131. IN DENTISTRY, THIS IS KNOWN AS THE "DOMINO THEORY."

132. BEFORE IT STARTS.

133. AND THAT'S WHY NINE OUT OF TEN

134. AMERICAN DEFENSE.

135. WITH THE MIRACLE INGREDIENT, FRAUDULIN.

136. WITH THE MIRACLE INGREDIENT.

137. ANOTHER TOOTHPASTE.

138. 3O% PROTECTION.

139. AT 6O% PROTECTION

140. ARE DOING WELL.

141. AND NOW, AT 9O% PROTECTION, THE... WAIT!

142. THE NOT-WHITE CAR IS OUT.

143. WITH 100 PROTECTION.

144. YES, DO LIKE ALL SMARTMOTORISTS.

145. WITH THE NEW ADDITIVE, GLC-9424075.

146. AFTER 6:00 P.M., 9424047.

147. SHRILL'S NEW ADDITIVE

148. GLC-9424075...

149. AFTER 6:00 P.M., 9424077...

150. WE CAN SEE

151. AVAILABLE TO SHRILL...

152. ANYWAY, JOHN, YOU CAN CATCH THE 11:30 FROM HORNCHURCH

153. AND BE AT BASINGSTOKE BY 1:00.

154. OH, AND THERE'S A BUFFET CAR AND... OH.

155. DADDY.

156. MY HAT! SIR HORACE.

157. HAS HE BEEN?

158. YES, AFTER BREAKFAST.

159. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER NOW.

160. HE'S DEAD.

161. OH. POOR DADDY.

162. LOOKS LIKE I SHAN'T BE CATCHING THE 11:30 NOW.

163. OH, NO, JOHN

164. YOU MUSTN'T MISS YOUR TRAIN.

165. HELPING YOU?

166. OH, JOHN, THANK YOU.

167. ANYWAY, YOU COULD ALWAYS CATCH THE 9:30 TOMORROW.

168. AND CHIPSTEAD.

169. OR THE 9:45'S EVEN BETTER.

170. OH, BUT YOU'D HAVE TO CHANGE AT LAMBS GREEN.

171. YES, BUT THERE'S ONLY A SEVEN-MINUTE WAIT NOW.

172. OH, YES, OF COURSE. I'D FORGOTTEN IT WAS FRIDAY.

173. OH, WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS?

174. OH, DO HURRY, SIR HORACE.

175. YOUR TRAIN LEAVES IN 28 MINUTES

176. AND IF YOU DON'T MISS THE 10:15, YOU WON'T CATCH THE 3:45

177. WHICH MEANS THE... OH.

178. I'M AFRAID SIR HORACE WON'T

179. BE CATCHING THE 10:15, LADY PARTRIDGE.

180. HAS HE BEEN?

181. YES, AFTER BREAKFAST.

182. I'M AFRAID YOU CAN CANCEL HIS SEAT RESERVATION.

183. OH, AND IT WAS BACK TO THE ENGINE, FOURTH COACH ALONG

184. OUTSIDE SWANBOROUGH.

185. NOT ANY MORE, LADY PARTRIDGE.

186. THE LINE'S BEEN CLOSED.

187. CLOSED? NOT SWANBOROUGH.

188. I'M AFRAID SO.

189. ALL RIGHT, NOBODY MOVE.

190. I'M INSPECTOR DAVIS OF SCOTLAND YARD.

191. MY WORD, YOU WERE HERE QUICKLY, INSPECTOR.

192. YEAH, I GOT THE 8:55 PULLMAN EXPRESS FROM KING'S CROSS

193. AROUND HORNCHURCH.

194. IT'S A VERY GOOD TRAIN.

195. IT'S A VERY GOOD TRAIN.

196. OH, IT'S AN EXCELLENT TRAIN.

197. HELLO, EVERYONE.

198. TONY!

199. WHERE IS DADDY?

200. OH, GOLLY.

201. HAS HE BEEN?

202. YES, AFTER BREAKFAST.

203. THEN, HE... WON'T BE NEEDING

204. HIS RESERVATION ON THE 10:15.

205. EXACTLY.

206. IT MUST GO TO ME.

207. JUST A MINUTE, TONY.

208. THERE'S A SMALL MATTER OF... MURDER. OH!

209. OH, BUT SURELY HE SIMPLY SHOT HIMSELF AND THEN HID THE GUN.

210. HIS RESERVATION?

211. HA, HA. WELL, I MUST DASH OR I'LL BE LATE FOR THE 10:15.

212. FOR HIS SEAT RESERVATION.

213. MOTIVE, INSPECTOR

214. FOR I'VE ONLY JUST ARRIVED FROM GILLINGHAM ON THE 8:13

215. CAR TICKET TO PROVE IT.

216. BUT THE 8:13

217. DOESN'T HAVE A RESTAURANT CAR.

218. IT'S A STANDING BUFFET ONLY.

219. OH, AH... DID I SAY THE 8:13?

220. I MEANT THE 7:58 STOPPING TRAIN.

221. BUT THE 7:58 STOPPING TRAIN ARRIVED AT SWINDON AT 8:19

222. AT WISBOROUGH JUNCTION.

223. WITH THE 8:13, WHICH LEFT SIX MINUTES EARLIER?

224. OH, AH, SIMPLE. I CAUGHT THE 7:16 FOOTBALL SPECIAL

225. ARRIVING AT SWINDON AT 8:09.

226. BUT THE 7:16

227. ON ALTERNATE SATURDAYS.

228. YES, SURELY YOU MEAN THE HOLIDAYMAKER SPECIAL.

229. OH, YES! HOW DAFT OF ME.

230. OF COURSE, I CAME

231. CALLING AT BEDFORD, COLMWORTH, FEN DITTON, SUTTON

232. WALLINGTON AND GILLINGHAM.

233. THAT'S SUNDAYS ONLY.

234. DAMN.

235. ALL RIGHT, I CONFESS. I DID IT.

236. BUT YOU WON'T TAKE ME ALIVE.

237. I'M GOING TO THROW MYSELF UNDER THE 10:12 FROM READING.

238. DON'T BE A FOOL, TONY! DON'T DO IT!

239. THE 10:12 HAS THE NEW NARROW TRACTION BOGIES.

240. YOU WOULDN'T STAND A CHANCE.

241. EXACTLY.

242. IT ALL HAPPENED ON THE 11:20

243. VIA HORSHAM AND REIGATE,

244. MALMESBURY, TOOTING BEC AND CROYDON WEST.

245. THE AUTHOR IS MR. NEVILLE SHUNT.

246. CHUFF, CHUFF, CHUFF, WOOOOOCH, WOOOOOCH!

247. DIDDLEDUM, DIDDLEDUM, DIDDLEDUM. TOOT! TOOT!

248. AT PLATFORM EIGHT, TCH, TCH, TCH.

249. DIDDLEDUM, DIDDLEDUM, CHUFFFF CHUFFFFFFFF...

250. EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAA VOOOOOMMMMM!

251. OF SEEING SHUNT'S WORK

252. IN A MECHANIZED WORLD.

253. THE POINTS ARE FROZEN, THE BEAST IS DEAD.

254. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

255. WHAT, INDEED, IS THE POINT?

256. THE POINT IS FROZEN.

257. OUT OF PADDINGTON.

258. THE POINT IS TAKEN.

259. IF LA FONTAINE'S ELK

260. THE ENGINE MUST BE OUR HEAD,

261. THE GUARD'S VAN OUR LEFT LUNG,

262. AN ELECTRIC ELK CALLED SIMON.

263. THE CLARITY IS DEVASTATING, BUT WHERE IS THE AMBIGUITY?

264. IT'S OVER THERE IN A BOX.

265. SHUNT IS SAYING THE 8:15

266. WHEN IN REALITY, HE MEANS THE 8:13 FROM GILLINGHAM.

267. THE TRAIN IS THE SAME, ONLY THE TIME IS ALTERED.

268. ECCE HOMO, ERGO ELK.

269. AND KNEW HER BLOODY WELL.

270. THE POINT IS TAKEN. THE BEAST IS MOLTING.

271. THE FLUFF GETS UP YOUR NOSE.

272. THE ILLUSION IS COMPLETE.

273. IT IS REALITY,

274. BUT IS THE TRUTH, AS HITCHCOCK OBSERVES, IN THE BOX?

275. NO, THERE ISN'T ROOM... THE AMBIGUITY HAS PUT ON WEIGHT.

276. THE POINT IS TAKEN, THE ELK IS DEAD.

277. THE BEAST STOPS AT SWINDON,

278. I'M HAVING TREATMENT, AND LA FONTAINE CAN GET KNOTTED.

279. GAVIN MILLAR...

280. RRRRRRRRRRR.

281. WAS NOT TALKING TO NEVILLE SHUNT.

282. OF DENTAL HYGIENE.

283. NO, NO, NO, NO.

284. WE TURN TO THE SILVER SCREEN.

285. ONE OF THE SILVER SCREEN'S

286. OUTSTANDING WRITER-DENTISTS, UH, WRITER-DIRECTORS

287. MARTIN CURRY,

288. TO HAVE A TOOTH OUT, FOR THE PRE-MOLAR, UH, PREMIERE

289. OF HIS FILLING, FILM, NEXT TOOTHDAY, TUESDA Y

290. AT THE DENTAL THEATRE, FILM THEATRE.

291. MARTIN CURRY, TALKING TO MATTHEW PALATE, PADGET.

292. MARTIN CURRY, WELCOME.

293. ONE OF THE BIG TEETH, UH, BIG POINTS

294. ABOUT YOUR LATEST FILM,

295. ON SO ALL-EMBRACING A TOPIC.

296. SO ENORMOUS A TUSK?

297. TASK?

298. I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED

299. TO VETHPATHIAN.

300. WHO?

301. VETHPATHIAN.

302. OH. VESPASIAN.

303. YES, YES.

304. WELL, WHEN I SAW YOUR FILM

305. A RATHER, UM, SUBJECTIVE APPROACH TO IT.

306. I'M SORRY?

307. WELL, I MEAN

308. HAD THESE ENORMOUS, WELL, NOT ENORMOUS, BUT, UH...

309. THESE, UM, VERY BIG, UM...

310. WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK

311. IN WHICH JULIUS INCISOR,

312. THE BATTLE AGAINST CARACTATUS.

313. I DON'T SEE THAT AT ALL.

314. IN THE WOOD, O CAESAR?

315. THUS, O CAESAR! THUS, O CAESAR!

316. FOR OUR NATIVE COUNTRY.

317. WELL, MARTIN CURRY,

318. HAVE THESE VERY BIG, UM...

319. VERY BIG, UH... TEETH?

320. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

321. WELL, I MEAN, UH... EVEN

322. IN YOUR BIBLICAL EPIC, THE SON OF MAN

323. ENORMOUS... DENTAL APPENDAGES

324. AND OF COURSE, UM... HIMSELF HAD THE MOST MONUMENTAL IVORIES.

325. WELL, I'M AFRAID I DON'T SEE THAT AT ALL.

326. UM. WELL, WHILE WE'RE WAITING...

327. LOOK, COULD I HAVE A STRAW?

328. OH, A STRAW. YES, YES.

329. WELL, WHILE WE'RE DOING THAT, UH...

330. AT AN EARLIER FILM, TRAFALGAR.

331. COVER MY COAT, MR. BUSH.

332. TILL VICTORY IS OURS.

333. THE SURGEON'S COMING, SIR.

334. NO, TELL THE SURGEON

335. THAT CAN BE SAVED.

336. HE CAN DO LITTLE FOR ME, I FEAR.

337. AYE, AYE, SIR.

338. HARDY!

339. HARDY!

340. SIR?

341. HARDY... KISS...

342. ER, PUT YOUR HAND ON MY THIGH.

343. HUH. WELL, MARTIN CURRY, THANK YOU.

344. UH... WELL, WE ASKED

345. WHAT THEY THOUGHT OF THAT FILM.

346. IT WASN'T TRUE TO LIFE.

347. YES, IT WAS.

348. NO, IT WASN'T.

349. IT WAS TOTALLY BIZARRE.

350. WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY FOR OVER 40 YEARS

351. CANNOT BE UNDERSTRESSED.

352. WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY FOR 20 YEARS

353. AND I MUST ADMIT, I'M LOST.

354. Well, I've been in the city all my life

355. and I'm as alert and active as I've ever been.

356. WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY

357. AND CERTAINLY WOULDN'T SAY THAT I WAS STUCK IN A RUT...

358. STUCK IN A RUT, STUCK IN A RUT.

359. STUCK IN A RUT, STUCK IN A RUT.

360. OH, DEAR

361. MR. BULSTRODE'S STUCK AGAIN.

362. STUCK IN A RUT.

363. I CERTAINLY WOULDN'T SAY

364. THAT I WAS STUCK IN A RUT.

365. WELL, I HAVE BEEN IN THE CITY FOR 30 YEARS

366. A NASTY, GREEDY, COLD-HEARTED

367. AVARICIOUS, MONEY-GRUBBER... CONSERVATIVE.

368. WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE CITY ABOUT 27 YEARS

369. AND I'D LIKE TO SEE THE REINTRODUCTION OF FLOGGING.

370. EVERY THURSDAY, ROUND AT MY PLACE.

371. WELL, I'VE BEEN IN THE SEA FOR 33 YEARS

372. AND I'VE NEVER REGRETTED IT.

373. NEITHER HAVE I.

374. NEITHER HAVE I.

375. YES, QUITE SO.

376. A NATURALIST OUTING.

377. NO, I THINK

378. CRACKPOT RELIGIONS.

379. FROM IGNORANT PEOPLE.

380. WITH FREE GIFTS.

381. WITH EVERY NEW ENROLLMENT.

382. IN ADDITION TO THIS, YOU CAN WIN

383. THE ENTIRE NORWICH CITY COUNCIL.

384. AND REMEMBER,

385. IN A SEE OF YOUR OWN CHOICE.

386. YOU SEE, WE HAVE A MUCH MORE MODERN APPROACH TO RELIGION.

387. ALL ITS SUBSIDIARIES, LIMITED.

388. YOU SEE, IN OUR CHURCH, WE HAVE A LOT MORE FUN.

389. OH, MRS. COLLINS

390. NERVOUS, DIDN'T YOU?

391. ON THE COFFEE MACHINE?

392. I DON'T MIND, I DON'T MIND.

393. IT'S JUST NICE TO BE HERE, REVEREND.

394. ARCHDEACON.

395. WELL, YOU HAVE EYES

396. SO LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE WON.

397. YOU CHOSE HYMN 437.

398. OH, MRS. COLLINS.

399. ON THE COFFEE MACHINE.

400. WELL, YOU HAVE WON

401. NORWICH CITY COUNCIL!

402. I'VE GOT ONE ALREADY.

403. A LOT OF RELIGIONS... NO NAMES, NO PACK DRILL...

404. OF PERSON.

405. THERE'S MORE OF THEM... POOR PEOPLE, THIEVES, VILLAINS

406. WITHOUT NO MONEY AT ALL.

407. WELL, WE DON'T HAVE NONE OF THAT TAT.

408. RICH PEOPLE AND CRUMPET OVER 16

409. I CAN'T TOUCH IT.

410. THERE'S NO RETURN ON IT, YOU SEE.

411. CONVERTING PEOPLE?

412. UH, NO. WELL, WE HAVE WAYS OF MAKING THEM JOIN.

413. NORMAN, THERE,

414. A LOT OF PROTECTION, THAT SORT OF THING.

415. AND THERE'S HIS MATE, BRUCE BEER.

416. 92 PEOPLE

417. 25 INSIDE THE DISTANCE.

418. THEN AGAIN, WE'RE NOT AFRAID TO USE MORE MODERN METHODS.

419. SARAH, TODAY'S DIOCESAN LOVELY

420. GO DOWN ON HIS KNEES.

421. THIS 23-YEAR-OLD BISHOP HAILS,

422. FROM BISHOP'S STORTFORD

423. AS SWIMMING, RIDING

424. AND FILM PRODUCERS.

425. WHAT A GAS!

426. BET SHE'S NO NOVICE

427. ALL IN HER SEE.

428. BASICALLY...

429. I BELIEVE... IN PEACE

430. AND BASHING TWO BRICKS TOGETHER.

431. I'M STARTING A WAR FOR PEACE.

432. COR BLIMEY!

433. I'M RAISING POLECATS FOR PEACE.

434. PEACE? I LIKE A PEACE.

435. KNOW WHAT I MEAN? KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

436. SAY NO MORE. NUDGE, NUDGE.

437. FOR THE NAUGHTY TYPE OF PERSON.

438. IF YOU'D LIKE A BIT OF LOVE-YOUR-NEIGHBOR...

439. AND WHO DOESN'T NOW AND AGAIN...

440. DURING THE HYMNS.

441. IN OUR CHURCH, WE TRY TO HELP

442. TO CARS, WASHING MACHINES, LEAD PIPING...

443. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

444. WE'RE THE ONLY CHURCH,

445. TO DO RE-SPRAY JOBS.

446. TO TURN THE HEAD PURPLE.

447. FOR A MOMENT, IF I MAY

448. AND OFFENSIVE RELIGIONS.

449. WITH WHAT IS BEST...

450. HELLO?

451. OH, WELL, HOW ABOUT ALLIED BREWERIES?

452. ALL RIGHT, BUT KEEP THE RIO TINTO.

453. FOR THE HUMAN SOUL.

454. IN OUR CHURCH, WE BELIEVE, FIRST AND FOREMOST, IN YOU.

455. AS YOUR FRIEND.

456. IN THIS PICTURE, THERE ARE 40 PEOPLE.

457. NONE OF THEM CAN BE SEEN.

458. IN THIS FILM, WE HOPE TO SHOW YOU HOW NOT TO BE SEEN.

459. THIS IS MR. E.R. BRADSHAW

460. BLACK LION ROAD, SE5.

461. HE CANNOT BE SEEN.

462. NOW, I'M GOING TO ASK HIM TO STAND UP.

463. MR. BRADSHAW, WILL YOU STAND UP, PLEASE?

464. OF NOT BEING SEEN.

465. IN THIS PICTURE, WE CANNOT SEE

466. MRS. B.J. SMEGMA OF 13, THE CRESCENT, BELMONT.

467. MRS. SMEGMA, WILL YOU STAND UP, PLEASE?

468. THIS IS MR. NESBITT OF HARLOW, NEW TOWN.

469. MR. NESBITT, WOULD YOU STAND UP, PLEASE?

470. MR. NESBITT HAS LEARNT THE FIRST LESSON OF NOT BEING SEEN...

471. NOT TO STAND UP.

472. HOWEVER, HE HAS CHOSEN A VERY OBVIOUS PIECE OF COVER.

473. MR. E.V. LAMBERT OF HOMELEIGH, THE BURROWS, OSWESTRY

474. HAS PRESENTED US WITH A POSER.

475. BUT WE CAN SOON FIND OUT.

476. YES, IT WAS THE MIDDLE ONE.

477. MR. KEN ANDREWS OF LEIGHTON ROAD, SLOUGH

478. EXTREMELY WELL.

479. HE COULD BE ALMOST ANYWHERE.

480. HE COULD BE BEHIND THE WALL,

481. BENEATH A PILE OF LEAVES,

482. SQUATTING DOWN BEHIND THE CAR,

483. ANY ONE OF A HUNDRED BUSHES.

484. HOWEVER, WE HAPPEN TO KNOW HE'S IN THE WATER BARREL.

485. MR. AND MRS. WATSON OF IVY COTTAGE, WORPLESDON ROAD, HULL

486. OF NOT BEING SEEN.

487. ON TWO WEEKS' HOLIDAY.

488. TO PREVENT US GETTING IN.

489. HOWEVER, A NEIGHBOR TOLD US WHERE THEY WERE.

490. WHO TOLD US WHERE THEY WERE.

491. NOBODY LIKES A CLEVER DICK.

492. AND THIS IS WHERE HE LIVED.

493. WHO REFUSED TO SPEAK TO US...

494. WHO LIVED HERE...

495. AND HERE...

496. AND, OF COURSE, HERE

497. SPAIN...

498. CHINA...

499. AH. WELL, I'M AFRAID WE HAVE

500. THOUGH NOT TO ME, I CAN TELL YOU.

501. MR. ROY BENT OF NORTH WALSHAM

502. THE ATLANTIC ON A TRICYCLE.

503. HIS TRICYCLE, SPECIALLY ADAPTED

504. WAS 90-FOOT LONG

505. THREE FUNNELS, 17 FIRST-CLASS CABINS

506. AND A RADAR SCANNER.

507. MR. BENT IS

508. AS WE'RE ALL DOWN HERE IN LONDON.

509. AND IN LONDON...

510. IN LONDON, I HAVE WITH ME MR. LUDOVIC GRAYSON

511. IN ARSENAL'S 1-NIL VICTORY

512. FC BOTTY.

513. LUDOVIC, FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE VICTORY.

514. THANK YOU, DAVID.

515. WITH A BIG LEAD.

516. OH, YES. WELL, WE'RE FAIRLY CONFIDENT, DAVID.

517. WELL, AT THE MOMENT, LUDOVIC

518. YOU'RE CROUCHING DOWN INSIDE A FILING CABINET.

519. YES, THAT'S RIGHT, DAVID.

520. I'M TRYING NOT TO BE SEEN.

521. I SEE. IS THIS THROUGH FEAR?

522. OH, NO, NO. IT'S COMMON SENSE, REALLY.

523. IF THEY CAN'T SEE YOU, THEY CAN'T GET YOU.

524. HA, HA, HA, BUT, OF COURSE, THEY CAN STILL HEAR YOU.

525. HUH?

526. LUDOVIC GRAYSON,

527. ON THE PROGRAM TONIGHT.

528. "YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY, I'VE GOT LOVE IN MY TUMMY"

529. AND THE TONETTES.

530. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS

531. HERE IT IS AGAIN.