Monty Python's Flying Circus 2x1

1. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

2. IT'S...

3. HELLO.

4. TONIGHT ON FACE THE PRESS, WE'RE GOING TO EXAMINE

5. OF CONTEMPORARY THINGS.

6. DIAMANTE COLLAR NECKLACE.

7. OF BOND STREET.

8. THE HAIR IS BY ROGER,

9. DISPLAY OF CHRISTMAS ORCHIDS.

10. OF BROWN LIQUID.

11. VARNISHING.

12. GOOD EVENING.

13. MINISTER, MAY I PUT THE FIRST QUESTION TO YOU?

14. "A BETTER BRITAIN FOR US"

15. 88,000 MILLION BILLION

16. AREA ALONE.

17. IN FACT, YOU'VE BUILT ONLY THREE IN THE LAST 15 YEARS.

18. WITH THIS RESULT?

19. NO, NO.

20. I'D LIKE TO ANSWER THIS

21. OF SILLY HIGH-PITCHED WHINE.

22. YOU SEE, HOUSING IS A PROBLEM REALLY...

23. WELL, WHILE THE MINISTER

24. I'D JUST LIKE TO POINT OUT

25. THE MINISTER'S DRESS

26. FROM OVER 300 PIECES OF ARABIAN SHOT SILK...

27. MINISTER BY VARGAR'S OF PARIS.

28. MINISTER'S FINE BONE STRUCTURE.

29. SO LET'S GO BACK OVER AND JOIN THE DISCUSSION.

30. VERY MUCH, MINISTER.

31. OF A NEW HEAD OF...

32. DON'T I SAY ANY MORE?

33. NO FEAR.

34. "KILL THE JAPS" FORSTER.

35. HE'S IN OUR BIRMINGHAM STUDIO.

36. Hello, sailors!

37. Listen, guess what.

38. The Ministerette of Aviation has made me...

39. Head of the R.A.F. Ola Pola...

40. HELLO... MRS. ROGERS?

41. NO...

42. OH, I MUST BE IN THE WRONG HOUSE.

43. OOH...

44. So from now on, we're going to do things my way.

45. For a start, David Hockney is going to design the bombs...

46. THE NEW GAS COOKER.

47. MORNING.

48. MRS. G. CRUMP?

49. NO, MRS. G. PINNET.

50. THIS IS 46 EGERNON CRESCENT?

51. NO, ROAD, EGERNON ROAD.

52. ROAD, YES, SAYS HERE, YEAH.

53. RIGHT, COULD I SPEAK TO MRS. G. CRUMP, PLEASE?

54. OH, THERE'S NOBODY HERE OF THAT NAME.

55. IT'S MRS. G. PINNET, 46 EGERNON ROAD.

56. IT SAYS "CRUMP" HERE, DON'T IT, HARRY?

57. IT'S ON THE INVOICE.

58. DEFINITELY "CRUMP."

59. AND THAT'S DEFINITELY THE COOKER I ORDERED...

60. A BLUE AND WHITE COOKEASI.

61. WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS.

62. THIS IS CRUMP.

63. GOING TO DO?

64. WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

65. AND PUT IT ON A SPECIAL DELIVERY.

66. THAT'S BEST... WE'LL SPECIAL IT FOR YOU.

67. WE'LL GET IT DOWN THERE TODAY.

68. YOU'LL GET IT BACK IN TEN WEEKS.

69. TEN WEEKS?

70. CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE THIS ONE?

71. WHAT, THIS?

72. WHAT, LEAVE IT HERE?

73. YES.

74. WELL, I DUNNO.

75. I SUPPOSE WE COULD.

76. OH, BUT SHE'D

77. DISPATCH NOTE.

78. YEAH, WE COULD

79. DISPATCH NOTE.

80. THAT'S SORTED OUT, THEN.

81. WHAT A MESS, ISN'T IT?

82. I KNOW IT'S RIDICULOUS, REALLY

83. BUT THERE YOU ARE.

84. OF SUCH A HELP.

85. SIGN IT DOWN THERE, PLEASE, MRS. CRUMP.

86. PINNET.

87. LISTEN, JUST FOR THE BOOKS...

88. MAKE IT A BIT EASIER...

89. "CRUMP-PINNET"?

90. RIGHT.

91. RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, DEAR.

92. THE COOKER'S YOURS.

93. YEAH, HERE WE GO.

94. RIGHT.

95. BUT THERE YOU ARE, YOU KNOW, CHEERIO!

96. CHEERIO, MRS. CRUMP!

97. HEY, EXCUSE ME.

98. COOEY!

99. UH, CAN YOU PUT IT IN THE KITCHEN?

100. YOU WHAT?

101. WELL, I CAN'T

102. UNLESS IT'S CONNECTED UP.

103. WE DIDN'T

104. AN INSTALLATION INVOICE.

105. AN M.I.

106. NO, WE CAN'T TOUCH IT WITHOUT AN M.I.

107. OR AN R16.

108. IF IT'S A SPECIAL.

109. NO, IT'S NOT SPECIAL.

110. THAT'S BACK AT THE DEPOT.

111. NO, THE SPECIAL'S

112. INSTALLATION INVOICE.

113. WHAT'S AN INSTALLATION INVOICE?

114. FROM READING.

115. OH, WE WONDERED WHAT THAT WAS.

116. NOW, THESE ARE THE FORMS.

117. THAT'S THE ONE, LOVE.

118. YEAH, THIS SHOULD BE ALL I NEED.

119. HANG ON, THIS IS FOR PINNET...

120. MRS. G. PINNET.

121. THAT'S RIGHT, I'M MRS. G. PINNET.

122. WELL WE'VE GOT "CRUMP- PINNET" ON THE INVOICE.

123. WELL, SHALL I SIGN IT "CRUMP-PINNET," THEN?

124. NO, NO, NO, NOT AN M.I., NO.

125. NO, THAT'S FROM AREA SERVICE AT READING.

126. NO, CHELTENHAM, ISN'T IT?

127. NO, NOT THIS SIDE OF THE STREET.

128. LOOK, I JUST WANT IT CONNECTED UP.

129. LONDON OFFICE?

130. NO, THEY HAVEN'T GOT THE MACHINERY.

131. NOT NOW.

132. WHAT, THE HOUNSLOW DEPOT?

133. NO, THEY'RE STILL ON STANDARD PRESSURE.

134. TWICKENHAM.

135. A GAS COOKER.

136. OH, YEAH, BUT NOT UNLESS IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

137. WELL, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.

138. IT'S NOT; AN EMERGENCY IS 290...

139. "WHERE THERE IS ACTUAL

140. GASEOUS SUBSTANCES."

141. YEAH, IT'S LIKE A LEAK.

142. OR A 478.

143. NO, THAT'S VALVE ADJUSTMENT.

144. CAN'T BE A LEAK

145. UNLESS YOU'VE CONNECTED IT UP.

146. NO, QUITE.

147. WE'D HAVE TO TURN IT ON.

148. WELL, CAN'T YOU

149. IT UP?

150. NO, BUT WHAT WE CAN DO...

151. BETWEEN YOU AND ME;

152. I SHOULDN'T REALLY BE TELLING YOU THIS...

153. WE'LL TURN

154. THEY'LL BE ROUND HERE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

155. WHAT, A HOUSE FULL OF GAS?

156. I'LL BE DEAD BY THEN!

157. OH, WELL, IN THAT CASE

158. YOU'D HAVE THE

159. LIKE A SHOT.

160. REALLY?

161. AH, YES.

162. "ONE OR MORE PERSONS OVERCOME BY FUMES"

163. YOU'D HAVE HEAD OFFICE, HOLBORN, ROUND HERE.

164. REALLY?

165. YEAH, THAT'S MURDER, YOU SEE.

166. OR SUICIDE.

167. NO, THAT'S S42.

168. OH.

169. STILL? I THOUGHT IT WAS HAINAULT.

170. NO, CENTRAL AREA

171. MARKETING DIVISION...

172. THEY'RE BOTH ON THE S42 NOW.

173. AND THEY'D BE ABLE TO CONNECT IT UP?

174. OH, THEY'D DO THE LOT FOR YOU, LOVE.

175. AND THEY'D COME ROUND THIS AFTERNOON?

176. WELL, WHAT IS IT NOW, 11:30?

177. MURDER...

178. THEY'LL BE ROUND HERE BY 2:00.

179. OH, WELL, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

180. OH, RIGHT, LOVE, IF YOU'D LIKE TO LIE DOWN HERE.

181. ALL RIGHT.

182. OKAY, HARRY!

183. OKAY, GAS ON.

184. RIGHT, DEEP BREATHS, LOVE.

185. RING HEAD OFFICE, WOULD YOU, NORMAN?

186. SHALL I GO THROUGH MAINTENANCE?

187. NO, YOU'D BETTER GO THROUGH DEPTFORD MAINTENANCE.

188. PECKHAM'S ON A 207.

189. THAT'S LEWISHAM, ISN'T IT...

190. WHAT ABOUT TOTTENHAM?

191. NO, THAT'D BE A 5-4.

192. LEWISHAM?

193. IT'S CENTRAL, ISN'T IT?

194. YES, OR RUISLIP.

195. GOOD MORNING.

196. GOOD MORNING, SIR.

197. CAN I HELP YOU?

198. HELP ME?

199. YEAH, I'LL SAY YOU CAN HELP ME.

200. YES, SIR?

201. "SMALL WHITE PUSSY CAT FOR SALE.

202. EXCELLENT CONDITION."

203. AH, YOU WISH TO BUY IT?

204. THAT'S RIGHT... JUST FOR THE HOUR.

205. ONLY I AIN'T GONNA PAY MORE'N A FIVER

206. 'CAUSE IT AIN'T WORTH IT.

207. IT'S COME FROM A VERY GOOD HOME.

208. IT'S HOUSE TRAINED.

209. "CHEST OF DRAWERS..."

210. CHEST... DRAWERS.

211. I'D LIKE SOME CHEST OF DRAWERS, PLEASE.

212. YES, SIR.

213. DOES IT GO?

214. IT'S OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.

215. "PRAM FOR SALE... ANY OFFERS."

216. I'D LIKE A BIT OF PRAM, PLEASE.

217. AH, YES, SIR.

218. THAT'S IN GOOD CONDITION.

219. OH, GOOD... I LIKE THEM IN GOOD CONDITION, EH?

220. HERE IT IS, YOU SEE.

221. "BABY-SITTER."

222. NO, IT'S A BABY-SITTER.

223. BABY-SITTER?

224. BABY-SITTER.

225. BABY-SITTER...

226. I DON'T WANT A BABY-SITTER.

227. "BE A BLOOD DONOR," THAT'S IT.

228. I'D LIKE TO GIVE SOME BLOOD, PLEASE... WHAA!

229. OH, SPIT, WHICH ONE IS IT?

230. "BLONDE PROSTITUTE WILL INDULGE

231. A WEEK."

232. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

233. TIMES, PLEASE.

234. OH, YES, SIR, HERE YOU ARE.

235. THANK YOU. CHEERS.

236. GOOD MORNING.

237. I'M SORRY

238. BUT I'M AFRAID MY...

239. RATHER LONGER TO GET TO WORK.

240. NOW THEN, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?

241. WELL, SIR,

242. AND I'D LIKE TO OBTAIN

243. TO HELP ME DEVELOP IT.

244. I SEE.

245. MAY I SEE YOUR SILLY WALK?

246. YES, CERTAINLY, YES.

247. THAT'S IT, IS IT?

248. YES, THAT'S IT, YES.

249. MM-HMM, IT'S NOT PARTICULARLY SILLY, IS IT?

250. I MEAN, THE RIGHT LEG ISN'T SILLY AT ALL

251. EVERY ALTERNATE STEP.

252. YES, BUT WITH GOVERNMENT BACKING

253. I COULD MAKE IT VERY SILLY.

254. MR. PUDEY, THE VERY REAL PROBLEM IS ONE OF MONEY.

255. I'M AFRAID THAT THE

256. SUPPORT IT NEEDS.

257. YOU SEE, THERE'S DEFENSE, SOCIAL SECURITY

258. HEALTH, HOUSING, EDUCATION, SILLY WALKS...

259. THEY'RE ALL SUPPOSED TO GET THE SAME.

260. BUT LAST YEAR,

261. ON NATIONAL DEFENSE.

262. NOW, WE GET £348 MILLION A YEAR

263. ON ALL OUR AVAILABLE PRODUCTS.

264. UH, COFFEE?

265. YES, PLEASE.

266. UH, MRS. TWO-LUMPS

267. TWO COFFEES, PLEASE?

268. Yes, Mr. Teabag.

269. OUT OF HER MIND.

270. NOW, THE JAPANESE HAVE A MAN

271. WITH EVERY SINGLE STEP, WHILE THE ISRAELIS...

272. AH, HERE'S THE COFFEE.

273. THANK YOU... LOVELY.

274. YOU'RE REALLY INTERESTED IN SILLY WALKS, AREN'T YOU?

275. OH, RATHER.

276. WELL, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS, THEN.

277. MR. PUDEY...

278. I'M NOT GOING TO MINCE WORDS WITH YOU.

279. I'M GOING TO OFFER YOU

280. SILLY WALK.

281. LA MARCHE FUTILE?

282. BONJOUR.

283. COMME D'HABITUDE

284. "LE MARCHE COMIQUE."

285. ET MAINTENANT, JE VOUS PRESENTE, ENCORE UNE FOIS

286. MON AMI, LE POUF CELEBRE, JEAN-BRIAN ZATAPATHIQUE.

287. MERCI, MON PETIT CHOUCHOU, BRIAN TRUBSHAWE.

288. ET MAINTENANT L'ANGLAIS- FRANCAISE MARCHE FUTILE.

289. ET...

290. VOI...

291. LA!

292. JUST STARTED ON BBC 2

293. OF KIERKEGAARD'S JOURNALS

294. STARRING RICHARD CHAMBERLAIN, PEGGY MOUNTAND BILLY BREMNER.

295. AND ON BBC 1, ETHEL THE FROG.

296. GOOD EVENING.

297. ON ETHEL THE FROG TONIGHT, WE LOOK AT VIOLENCE...

298. OF BRITISH GANGLAND.

299. BROTHERS, DOUG AND DINSDALE

300. TO 400 YEARS' IMPRISONMENT

301. FOR CRIMES OF VIOLENCE.

302. HARRY "SNAPPER" ORGANS

303. OF "Q" DIVISION.

304. WERE BORN, ON PROBATION

305. IN KIPLING ROAD, SOUTHWARK

306. IN A FAMILY OF 16.

307. THEIR FATHER, ARTHUR PIRANHA

308. AND A DEVOUT CATHOLIC.

309. IN JANUARY 1928,

310. AN UP-AND-COMING EAST END BOXER.

311. DOUG WAS BORN IN FEBRUARY 1929

312. AND AGAIN A WEEK AFTER THAT.

313. WAS MRS. APRIL SIMNEL.

314. SORT OF EAST END STREET.

315. OF EACH OTHER'S HOUSES

316. WITH EACH OTHER'S PROPERTY ALL DAY LONG.

317. CHEERY LOT, THOUGH.

318. VIOLENT AREA?

319. YES, CHEERFUL AND VIOLENT.

320. TO WALK.

321. THE BOOT IN THE GROIN.

322. OH, HE WAS VERY INTERESTED IN THAT.

323. IN FOR HIS TEA.

324. HE'D BE OUT THERE PUTTING HIS LITTLE BOOT IN, YOU KNOW.

325. BLESS HIM.

326. BUT, YOU KNOW, KIDS WERE VERY DIFFERENT THEN.

327. THEY DIDN'T HAVE

328. CARTESIAN DUALISM.

329. AT THE AGE OF 15, DOUG

330. PRIMARY SCHOOL IN CLERKENWELL.

331. BROTHERS ENGLISH.

332. MOST ABOUT THEM?

333. ANTHONY VINEY.

334. WHEN THE PIRANHAS LEFT SCHOOL,

335. EVEN FOR NATIONAL SERVICE.

336. THEY CALLED "THE OPERATION."

337. THE SO-CALLED PROTECTION MONEY.

338. FOUR MONTHS LATER,

339. "THE OTHER OPERATION."

340. IN THIS RACKET,

341. HIM UP IF HE DIDN'T PAY THEM.

342. ONE MONTH LATER, THEY HIT UPON "THE OTHER OTHER OPERATION."

343. IN THIS, THE VICTIM

344. THAT IF HE DIDN'T PAY THEM, THEY WOULD BEAT HIM UP.

345. WAS THE TURNING POINT.

346. WHICH THEY CALLED "THE GANG"

347. NIGHTCLUBS, BILLIARD HALLS

348. GAMING CASINOS AND RACE TRACKS.

349. THE M.C.C.

350. THEY WERE, FOR THE ONLY TIME IN THEIR LIVES, SLIT UP A TREAT.

351. AS THEIR EMPIRE SPREAD, HOWEVER

352. WE IN "Q" DIVISION WERE KEEPING

353. THE COLOR SUPPLEMENTS.

354. WAS VINCE SNETTERTON-LEWIS.

355. WELL, ONE DAY I WAS SITTING

356. ONE OF DINSDALE'S BOYS GETS OUT

357. AND HE COMES UP,

358. TO HAVE A TALK WITH ME.

359. ROUND TO DINSDALE'S PLACE.

360. AND DINSDALE'S THERE

361. WITH DOUG AND CHARLES PAISLEY,

362. AND A MAN

363. THE HEADS OFF WHIPPETS.

364. "I HEAR YOU'VE BEEN A NAUGHTY BOY, CLEMENT"

365. AND PULLS ME LIVER OUT.

366. AND I SAID, "MY NAME'S NOT CLEMENT."

367. TO THE FLOOR.

368. YOUR HEAD TO THE FLOOR?

369. AT FIRST, YEAH.

370. WAS STIG O'TRACEY.

371. STIG, I'VE BEEN TOLD

372. TO THE FLOOR.

373. NO, NO, NEVER, NEVER.

374. HE WAS A SMASHING BLOKE.

375. MOTHER FLOWERS AND THAT.

376. A BROTHER TO ME.

377. YOUR HEAD TO THE FLOOR.

378. OH, YEAH, WELL... HE DID THAT, YEAH.

379. WHY?

380. WELL, HE HAD TO, DIDN'T HE?

381. I MEAN, BE FAIR.

382. ELSE HE COULD DO.

383. I MEAN, I HAD TRANSGRESSED THE UNWRITTEN LAW.

384. WHAT HAD YOU DONE?

385. UH...

386. WELL, HE NEVER TOLD ME THAT.

387. AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME WITH OLD DINSY.

388. I MEAN, HE DIDN'T WANT TO NAIL MY HEAD TO THE FLOOR.

389. I HAD TO INSIST.

390. HE WANTED TO LET ME OFF.

391. THERE'S NOTHING DINSDALE WOULDN'T DO FOR YOU.

392. AND YOU DON'T BEAR HIM ANY GRUDGE?

393. A GRUDGE?

394. OLD DINSY?

395. HE WAS A REAL DARLING.

396. WIFE'S HEAD TO A COFFEE TABLE.

397. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MRS. O'TRACEY?

398. OH, NO, NO, NO.

399. YEAH, WELL, HE DID DO THAT.

400. YEAH, YEAH.

401. HE WAS A CRUEL MAN, BUT FAIR.

402. VINCE, AFTER HE

403. SEE HIM AGAIN?

404. YEAH, AFTER THAT,

405. AND WE'D SHAKE HANDS, AND THEN HE'D NAIL MY HEAD TO THE FLOOR.

406. EVERY SUNDAY?

407. YEAH, BUT HE WAS VERY REASONABLE ABOUT IT.

408. I MEAN, ONE SUNDAY

409. IF HE'D MIND VERY MUCH

410. MY PELVIS TO A CAKE STAND.

411. I EVER HAD.

412. I WOULDN'T HEAR A WORD AGAINST HIM.

413. LOVELY FELLA.

414. AMONGST HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES, BUT WHAT WAS HE REALLY LIKE?

415. AND ERUDITE COMPANION.

416. CELEBRATED AMERICAN SINGERS,

417. AND OTHER GANG LEADERS.

418. HOW HAD HE MET THEM?

419. THROUGH HIS WORK FOR CHARITY.

420. IN BOYS' CLUBS, SAILORS' HOMES

421. CHORISTERS' ASSOCIATIONS,

422. AND, OF COURSE, THE HOUSEHOLD CAVALRY.

423. UNUSUAL ABOUT HIM?

424. I SHOULD SAY NOT.

425. EXCEPT... EXCEPT INASMUCH

426. AS SPINY NORMAN.

427. SUPPOSED TO BE?

428. ABOUT 12 FEET FROM SNOUT TO TAIL

429. UP TO 800 YARDS LONG.

430. WHEN NORMAN WAS ABOUT,

431. AND HE'D BECOME VERY VIOLENT

432. AND CLAIM THAT HE'D LAID STANLEY BALDWIN.

433. DINSDALE WAS A GENTLEMAN.

434. AND WHAT'S MORE, HE KNEW HOW TO TREAT A FEMALE IMPERSONATOR.

435. IT'S EASY FOR US TO JUDGE DINSDALE PIRANHA TOO HARSHLY.

436. AFTER ALL, HE ONLY DID WHAT MOST OF US SIMPLY DREAM OF DOING.

437. I'M SORRY.

438. AFTER ALL, A MURDERER IS ONLY AN EXTROVERTED SUICIDE.

439. DINSDALE WAS A LOONY, BUT HE WAS A HAPPY LOONY.

440. LUCKY BASTARD.

441. BUT WHAT OF DOUG?

442. ONE MAN WHO MET HIM WAS LUIGI VERCOTTI.

443. WELL, I HAD BEEN RUNNING A SUCCESSFUL ESCORT AGENCY.

444. HIGH-CLASS... NO, REALLY... HIGH-CLASS GIRLS.

445. WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT.

446. THAT WAS RIGHT OUT.

447. AND I DECIDED...

448. EXCUSE ME.

449. HELLO?

450. NO, NOT NOW.

451. SHTOOM, SHTOOM.

452. RIGHT, YES, WE'LL HAVE THE WATCH READY FOR YOU AT MIDNIGHT.

453. THE WATCH... THE CHINESE WATCH.

454. YES, ALL RIGHT, BYE-BYE... MOTHER.

455. ANYWAY, I DECIDED

456. COOKING, TOP-LINE ACTS

457. FOR PICKING UP TARTS.

458. THAT WAS RIGHT OUT, I DENY THAT COMPLETELY.

459. TACTICAL NUCLEAR MISSILE.

460. THEY SAID I'D BOUGHT ONE

461. AND WOULD I PAY FOR IT.

462. DID THEY WANT?

463. OF A MILLION POUNDS.

464. THEN THEY WENT OUT.

465. WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL FOR THE POLICE?

466. WELL, I'D NOTICED THAT THE LAD

467. FOR THE AREA.

468. ANYWAY, A WEEK LATER

469. TO SEE DOUG.

470. DOUG?

471. DOUG.

472. I WAS TERRIFIED OF HIM.

473. EVERYONE WAS TERRIFIED OF DOUG.

474. I'VE SEEN GROWN MEN

475. RATHER THAN SEE DOUG.

476. OF DOUG.

477. WHAT DID HE DO?

478. HE USED SARCASM.

479. HE KNEW ALL THE TRICKS... DRAMATIC IRONY, METAPHOR

480. BATHOS, PUNS, PARODY, LITOTES... AND SATIRE.

481. THE PIRANHA BROTHERS, BY FEBRUARY 1966

482. AND THE SOUTH EAST.

483. IN FEBRUARY, THOUGH, DINSDALE MADE A BIG MISTAKE.

484. LATELY, DINSDALE HAD BECOME

485. ABOUT SPINY NORMAN.

486. AT LUTON AIRPORT.

487. AND SO, ON FEBRUARY 22, 1966, AT LUTON AIRPORT...

488. TO SIT UP AND TAKE NOTICE.

489. AND THAT THE HUNT WAS ON.

490. VIZ. SOME FORM OF DISGUISE

491. WERE A BIT OF A GIVEAWAY.

492. LUCKILY, MY YEARS WITH BRISTOL

493. VARIETY OF DISGUISES.

494. AS THE REVEREND SMILER EGRET.

495. HEARING THEY'D GONE

496. OF A PORK BUTCHER, BRIAN STOATS.

497. RETURNED TO CARDIFF.

498. FROM KING LEAR.

499. AS RATTY IN TOAD OF TOAD HALL.

500. BACK IN CARDIFF,

501. AS "A GLITTERING PERFORMANCE OF RARE PERCEPTION"

502. WAS LESS THAN ENTHUSIASTIC.

503. IN FACT, IT GAVE ME A RIGHT PANNING... I QUOTE...

504. "AS FOR THE PERFORMANCE

505. "OF SUPERINTENDENT HARRY 'SNAPPER' ORGANS

506. "AS SANCHO PANZA

507. "THE AUDIENCE WERE BEMUSED

508. HIS ABUSIVE AD LIBS."

509. THE WESTERN DAILY NEWS SAID...

510. "SANCHO PANZA

511. "SPOILT AN OTHERWISE IMPECCABLY

512. "BY HIS UNSCHEDULED APPEARANCE

513. OF 'WHAT'S ALL THIS, THEN? '"

514. NEVER MIND, SNAPPER, LOVE.

515. YOU CAN'T WIN THEM ALL.

516. TRUE, CONSTABLE.

517. MY EYELINER, PLEASE?

518. TELEGRAM FOR YOU, LOVE.

519. OH, GOOD-O.

520. BET IT'S FROM BINKIE.

521. WAITING OUTSIDE.

522. OH, GOOD.

523. 30 SECONDS, SUPERINTENDENT.

524. OH, BLIMEY, I'M ON.

525. IS ME HAT STRAIGHT, CONSTABLE?

526. OH, IT'S FINE.

527. RIGHT, HERE WE GO THEN, HAWKINS.

528. OH, MERDE, SUPERINTENDENT.

529. GOOD LUCK, THEN.

530. READ ALL ABOUT IT!

531. PIRANHA BROTHERS ESCAPE!

532. DINSDALE?

533. DINSDALE?

534. DINSDALE?

535. DINSDALE?

536. DINSDALE! DINSDALE!

537. DINSDALE!

538. DINSDALE!

539. WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, AND SO UNTIL NEXT WEEK...