1. Wait. No, no, no!
Don't, don't, don't!Copy !req
2. Don't. No! No!Copy !req
3. It's a jungle out thereCopy !req
4. Disorder and confusion
everywhereCopy !req
5. No one seems to careCopy !req
6. Well, I doCopy !req
7. Hey, who's in charge here?Copy !req
8. It's a jungle out thereCopy !req
9. Poison in the very air
we breatheCopy !req
10. You know what's in the water
that you drink?Copy !req
11. Well, I doCopy !req
12. It's amazingCopy !req
13. People think I'm crazyCopy !req
14. 'cause I worry
all the timeCopy !req
15. If you paid attention,
you'd be worried, tooCopy !req
16. You better pay attentionCopy !req
17. Or this world
we love so muchCopy !req
18. might just kill youCopy !req
19. I could be wrong nowCopy !req
20. But I don't think soCopy !req
21. 'Cause there's
a jungle out thereCopy !req
22. It's a jungle out thereCopy !req
23. How about a watch? I
already have a watch.Copy !req
24. Well, some people
have two.Copy !req
25. Why would I
want two?Copy !req
26. Look, if you have
one wristwatch,Copy !req
27. you always know
what time it is.Copy !req
28. If you have two,
you're never sure.Copy !req
29. Mr. Monk,
come on.Copy !req
30. I have to get you something.
It's your birthday.Copy !req
31. Don't remind me.Copy !req
32. And not just any birthday,
you're 50 years old.Copy !req
33. That's a milestone.
Okay, look.Copy !req
34. You don't...
You don't understand.Copy !req
35. He's coming.
He's coming.Copy !req
36. If you buy me something,Copy !req
37. then I have to
pretend to like it.Copy !req
38. And then I have to
remember to thank you,Copy !req
39. and then I
have to return it.Copy !req
40. And it's a nightmare.
It's a nightmare.Copy !req
41. Where is everybody?Copy !req
42. Oh, they're probably
in the Captain's office.Copy !req
43. He said it was
very important.Copy !req
44. Hmm.Copy !req
45. Where are the cups? What cups?Copy !req
46. All the cups
and the paper plates.Copy !req
47. Yesterday there
was a big pile here.Copy !req
48. I don't know.
We're late, come on.Copy !req
49. WaitCopy !req
50. a minute.Copy !req
51. Uh-oh.Copy !req
52. What are you doing?Copy !req
53. I knew it.Copy !req
54. Why'd the Captain
want to see me again?Copy !req
55. I told you, it's a double
homicide in Marin County.Copy !req
56. You said
triple homicide.Copy !req
57. I don't think so. You
said "triple," all right?Copy !req
58. What happened? Did somebody
get better, Natalie?Copy !req
59. It's a party,
isn't it?Copy !req
60. It's a surprise party.Copy !req
61. No... Mr. Monk,
I would never do that.Copy !req
62. I know how you
hate parties.Copy !req
63. Nice try, Teeger.Copy !req
64. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Mr. Monk, okay.Copy !req
65. It's a surprise party.
Can't you just play along?Copy !req
66. I don't wanna
play along.Copy !req
67. Come on,
everybody's chipped in.Copy !req
68. We've been planning
it for weeks.Copy !req
69. I can't.Copy !req
70. I can't do it.Copy !req
71. I hate birthdays.Copy !req
72. What were
we thinking?Copy !req
73. He's the best detective
in the world.Copy !req
74. Uh-uh, I am not giving up, Mr. Monk.Copy !req
75. You're officially
on notice.Copy !req
76. I am throwing
you a party.Copy !req
77. As a matter of fact,
you're not.Copy !req
78. Oh, yes, I am.Copy !req
79. We're gonna have balloons
and cake and dancing.Copy !req
80. Oh, for the love
of God, why?Copy !req
81. Because, Mr. Monk,
it's your birthday.Copy !req
82. And whether you
like it or not,Copy !req
83. you have friends
who love youCopy !req
84. and want to
celebrate your life.Copy !req
85. We're happy
you were born.Copy !req
86. You're so cruel.Copy !req
87. Oh, my God! Where's
the rest of him?Copy !req
88. That's all
there is.Copy !req
89. He's all squished!Copy !req
90. His name was
Bradley Foster.Copy !req
91. He was the
maintenance man here.Copy !req
92. Apparently, he fell into the compactor.Copy !req
93. I'm gonna send a guy out to
check the parking lot for his car.Copy !req
94. Yeah, I'd look
for a compact.Copy !req
95. It's not funny.Copy !req
96. Hey, did you see what he was wearing?Copy !req
97. Those aren't briefs,
they're more like boxers.Copy !req
98. He was probably
still aliveCopy !req
99. when he dropped
into the gears.Copy !req
100. The rotating blades must
have ripped his spinal columnCopy !req
101. and shredded his lungs.Copy !req
102. He must have been screaming
and begging for his lifeCopy !req
103. the whole way down.Copy !req
104. Captain, this is Paul
Wellman, the building manager.Copy !req
105. He found the body.Copy !req
106. And when was that,
Mr. Wellman?Copy !req
107. It was at 8:30.Copy !req
108. I had noticed that
the door was openCopy !req
109. and that was kind of
strange, so I, you know,Copy !req
110. turned on the lights
and I came inCopy !req
111. and that's when
I saw the bloodCopy !req
112. sort of... Sort of
trickling down.Copy !req
113. At first, I thought it was an
animal that had been trapped.Copy !req
114. I looked inside, and
that's when I saw Bradley.Copy !req
115. What do you
think happened?Copy !req
116. Well, the compactor
must have jammed.Copy !req
117. I guess he forgot to turn
off the circuit breaker.Copy !req
118. Look, I've been
here 15 years,Copy !req
119. and we have never had an
accident like this before.Copy !req
120. Tell him, Randy.Copy !req
121. It's not an accident
until we say it is.Copy !req
122. How long did
he work here?Copy !req
123. Five years, give or
take. He was a good man.Copy !req
124. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
125. Yeah, excuse me.Copy !req
126. You said you came in and
you turned on the lights.Copy !req
127. That's right.Copy !req
128. Are you sure about
that, about the lights?Copy !req
129. Yes, sir. I'll
never forget it.Copy !req
130. I turned on the lights
and saw the blood.Copy !req
131. Why ask him
about the lights?Copy !req
132. Who turned
them off?Copy !req
133. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
134. That makes things a whole
lot more interesting.Copy !req
135. Let's seal this building.
Talk to everybody.Copy !req
136. Mr. Wellman, was anybody
else here last night?Copy !req
137. Well, there's
a camera in the lobby,Copy !req
138. and I was just
checking the tape.Copy !req
139. It looks like there
was one other guy here.Copy !req
140. Meckler, Richard Meckler.Copy !req
141. Meckler, got it.Copy !req
142. Now, he left around midnight, but...Copy !req
143. I mean, I don't think
that means anythingCopy !req
144. 'cause he works
late a lot.Copy !req
145. What does he do?Copy !req
146. Ladies and gentlemen,Copy !req
147. my name is Richard Meckler.
I'm a patent attorney.Copy !req
148. Now, I must hear 1,000
bad ideas every year.Copy !req
149. And believe me,Copy !req
150. I've met every nut job in California.Copy !req
151. But when Kurt Pressman came
into my office five months agoCopy !req
152. with this vacuum,Copy !req
153. The world's first
self-cleaning vacuum cleaner,Copy !req
154. well, I knew I wanted to be part of it.Copy !req
155. Let's bring Kurt up right now.
He can tell us all about it.Copy !req
156. Kurt Pressman, ladies and
gentlemen, let's hear it.Copy !req
157. Well done, sir.Copy !req
158. That's it.
Give it up, people.Copy !req
159. Thank you, buddy.Copy !req
160. Self-cleaning vacuum.Copy !req
161. Do I wake or
do I dream?Copy !req
162. I don't know,
Mr. Monk.Copy !req
163. And where were you again
last night, Mr. Meckler?Copy !req
164. Last night? Uh,
I was working late.Copy !req
165. Got home
around 12:30.Copy !req
166. Yeah.
Yeah, 12:30.Copy !req
167. Here, use mine.Copy !req
168. Uh, no thanks,
I'm good.Copy !req
169. Did you see anything unusual last night?Copy !req
170. Were there any strangers
in the building?Copy !req
171. No. No, sir.Copy !req
172. What's all this about?Copy !req
173. Do you know
a Bradley Foster?Copy !req
174. Yeah, the janitor.Copy !req
175. Well, he was
murdered last night.Copy !req
176. We found him
in the basement.Copy !req
177. Oh, my God!Copy !req
178. Consumer Currents.
You write for them?Copy !req
179. Indeed.Copy !req
180. I bought my motorcycle last yearCopy !req
181. because you guys recommended
it. You gave it five stars.Copy !req
182. How is it?Copy !req
183. It's five stars.
I love it.Copy !req
184. So, thank you.Copy !req
185. Choppers aren't
my department. I...Copy !req
186. I mainly cover
household appliancesCopy !req
187. like blenders and
vacuum cleaners.Copy !req
188. But if you're in the market
for an energy efficient,Copy !req
189. three-cycle dishwasher
with a half-load option,Copy !req
190. I'm your gal.Copy !req
191. "T.K."Copy !req
192. What's the
"T" stand for?Copy !req
193. It stands for
my first name.Copy !req
194. Mr. Pressman,
excuse...Copy !req
195. Yeah. I'm sorry
to bother you.Copy !req
196. I just have to know,
how does it work?Copy !req
197. I mean, where does
all that dust go?Copy !req
198. It's a high voltage
electronic filter.Copy !req
199. It's in the brochure.
The dust is disintegrated.Copy !req
200. Yeah,
I didn't get a brochure.Copy !req
201. I'm here with the police. Police?Copy !req
202. Yeah, we're here about, um,
something else, completely unrelated,Copy !req
203. but I think the work
you're doing is historic.Copy !req
204. A self-cleaning vacuumCopy !req
205. is right up there
with the wheel, or Windex.Copy !req
206. Thank you, thank you...
Yeah. Hold on.Copy !req
207. Well, where can
I get one? Or two?Copy !req
208. Actually, I
could take two.Copy !req
209. We have a waiting list, and I'll
make sure you're on it, Mister...Copy !req
210. Monk.
Monk, excuse me.Copy !req
211. Sorry that took so long. It's all right.Copy !req
212. You had the diet, right? Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
213. I can't tell.
Is that diet?Copy !req
214. Oh.Copy !req
215. Mmm, diet, definitely. Diet? Great.Copy !req
216. Thanks. Pretty good turnout, huh?Copy !req
217. I told you, partner, you
build a better mousetrap...Copy !req
218. Oh, this is
Lieutenant Disher,Copy !req
219. he's with the
San Francisco police.Copy !req
220. Yeah, I heard
the police were here.Copy !req
221. Yeah.Copy !req
222. Trina?Copy !req
223. Theresa?Copy !req
224. Why do you care?Copy !req
225. Because it'll make
it slightly easierCopy !req
226. for me to
track you down.Copy !req
227. Oh.Copy !req
228. Don't touch it!Copy !req
229. Ow! It is a vacuum
cleaner. Don't... What...Copy !req
230. You're not
supposed to touch.Copy !req
231. Richard?Copy !req
232. Mr. Meckler?
Richard?Copy !req
233. I can't...Copy !req
234. Richard!Copy !req
235. Call 911. He's having a heart attack.Copy !req
236. Oh, my God.
Richard!Copy !req
237. Captain! Captain...
Richard.Copy !req
238. Step back, step back. Richard!Copy !req
239. Richard!
Doctor!Copy !req
240. Get me a doctor. Is there
a doctor in the house?Copy !req
241. Richard?
Richard? Richard?Copy !req
242. Help him! Help him! Oh, my God!Copy !req
243. Morning.Copy !req
244. Good morning.Copy !req
245. How did you sleep?
I was up all nightCopy !req
246. thinking about that
poor man, that lawyer.Copy !req
247. I've never actually seen anyone
have a heart attack before.Copy !req
248. Oh, a new vacuum?
Where'd you get it?Copy !req
249. Oh, the, uh...Copy !req
250. The Captain met this reporter
from a consumer magazine.Copy !req
251. She let me
borrow it.Copy !req
252. Uh-huh.
And how is it?Copy !req
253. It's spectacular.Copy !req
254. See, there's
no dust bag.Copy !req
255. You don't have
to empty it.Copy !req
256. And if it picks up a
coin or something, look...Copy !req
257. There's a
little tray.Copy !req
258. See?
I think I'm in love.Copy !req
259. Oh, well, I'm sure you
two will be very happy.Copy !req
260. Yeah. Okay. Come on, the
Captain's waiting for us.Copy !req
261. Oh, I almost forgot, we just
have to stop off at my place.Copy !req
262. I forgot my cell phone.Copy !req
263. Excuse me.Copy !req
264. Oh, good. We found your phone.Copy !req
265. It was in your bag.
What are the odds?Copy !req
266. So, where are they?Copy !req
267. Are they at
your house?Copy !req
268. Come on, Mr. Monk, can't
you just come with me?Copy !req
269. Just... Just pretend
to be surprised.Copy !req
270. They're your friends. They're
waiting for you. They love you.Copy !req
271. They wanna do something
special for you.Copy !req
272. I can't. I can't.
I can't do it.Copy !req
273. Why?
Tell me why.Copy !req
274. There has
to be a reason.Copy !req
275. All right, I'll tell you,
but you can't tell anyone.Copy !req
276. I haven't even
told Dr. Bell.Copy !req
277. Okay, I promise.Copy !req
278. My God, what is it?Copy !req
279. All right.Copy !req
280. I was 10 years old,Copy !req
281. and there was
this cowboy.Copy !req
282. A cowboy?
Cowboy Hank.Copy !req
283. Okay.Copy !req
284. Oh, he was...Copy !req
285. He was on TV every
week and he was my hero.Copy !req
286. Well, when I turned 10,
my mother surprised me.Copy !req
287. She hired Cowboy Hank
to come to my party.Copy !req
288. It must have cost her
every nickel she ever had.Copy !req
289. And, um, he, uh...Copy !req
290. He brought
a rope with him.Copy !req
291. A rope?Copy !req
292. Like a lasso.Copy !req
293. Oh, my God.Copy !req
294. What did he
do with it?Copy !req
295. Tricks.Copy !req
296. Some of the kids from
my class were there.Copy !req
297. Cowboy Hank was
really funny.Copy !req
298. He did all his tricks,
and he left.Copy !req
299. He left.Copy !req
300. As soon
as he was gone,Copy !req
301. all my friends, my
so-called friends, went home.Copy !req
302. They didn't stay
for cake or anything.Copy !req
303. They didn't
care about me.Copy !req
304. They just wanted
to see Cowboy Hank.Copy !req
305. That's it?Copy !req
306. Everybody left.Copy !req
307. That's your story?Copy !req
308. Yeah.Copy !req
309. Oh, I'm so
throwing you a party.Copy !req
310. What? It's gonna be the
biggest party of the year.Copy !req
311. It's gonna be
a cotillion.Copy !req
312. We're gonna dance
until dawn.Copy !req
313. No, I can't. Not after what happened.Copy !req
314. Oh, Mr. Monk, that's the
stupidest story I ever heard.Copy !req
315. I'm sorry,
but that... It's lame.Copy !req
316. Everybody left? Well,
it was very traumatic.Copy !req
317. It's stupid! I mean, I have
worse stories than that.Copy !req
318. Everybody does.Copy !req
319. Wait, why can't you
tell Dr. Bell?Copy !req
320. I didn't think
he could handle it.Copy !req
321. I am so throwing
you a party,Copy !req
322. as God is my witness, and I'm
going to surprise you, too.Copy !req
323. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.Copy !req
324. You're gonna
surprise me?Copy !req
325. You're not gonna
surprise me.Copy !req
326. Whoa.Copy !req
327. You don't think
I'm smart enough?Copy !req
328. It is so on.Copy !req
329. I'm throwing you
a party, boss.Copy !req
330. It could be
anytime, anywhere.Copy !req
331. So, what are
we looking for?Copy !req
332. I don't know.Copy !req
333. Somebody threw the guy
in a trash compactor.Copy !req
334. There has
to be a reason.Copy !req
335. How long did
he live here?Copy !req
336. Eleven years.Copy !req
337. I've got
a mouse padCopy !req
338. and a surge protector,
but no computer.Copy !req
339. And I got a toolboxCopy !req
340. that looks like some tools are missing.Copy !req
341. Somebody's been here.Copy !req
342. Somebody's been
eating my porridge.Copy !req
343. Hey, thanks for coming.Copy !req
344. Uh, where's
your boss?Copy !req
345. Oh, he's in the hall.
He won't come in.Copy !req
346. He thinks it's
a surprise party.Copy !req
347. Monk, get in here.Copy !req
348. Thank you for coming.Copy !req
349. Looks like somebody's
been here.Copy !req
350. They took the computer
and maybe some tools.Copy !req
351. Uh-huh.Copy !req
352. Check that closet
while you're over there.Copy !req
353. Ah, no.Copy !req
354. I, uh...
I think I'll pass.Copy !req
355. You'll pass?Copy !req
356. Right, you think someone's in there?Copy !req
357. You think there are 50
people in that closetCopy !req
358. with balloons and party
hats waiting to jump out?Copy !req
359. Excuse me, do I need
to remind both of youCopy !req
360. that two nights ago
the man that lives hereCopy !req
361. got torn apart in
a trash compactor?Copy !req
362. I bet he
was surprised.Copy !req
363. I know she's been trying
to throw you a party.Copy !req
364. And, um,Copy !req
365. she's going to.Copy !req
366. Oh, she's gonna
get you.Copy !req
367. I'm gonna get you.Copy !req
368. But this is a murder
victim's place of residence.Copy !req
369. Do you honestly think
that she would do it here?Copy !req
370. No, no, I don't.Copy !req
371. And that is
precisely why I do.Copy !req
372. And because I do, I don't. So yes, I do.Copy !req
373. Natalie, tell him.Copy !req
374. There is no party.Copy !req
375. Why is she smiling? Because
she's a friendly person.Copy !req
376. She winked. Come on, she's winking.Copy !req
377. Teeger, Teeger,
quit winking.Copy !req
378. Look, Monk, I...
She winked again!Copy !req
379. I need you to focus.
Randy, fill him in.Copy !req
380. Uh, Bradley Foster,Copy !req
381. graduated MIT, 1982.Copy !req
382. Worked for General
Electric for 10 years.Copy !req
383. Then he just disappeared,
fell off the radar.Copy !req
384. Apparently, he
started drinking,Copy !req
385. uh, washing dishes,
moving from job to job.Copy !req
386. He ended up living
here, pushing a broom.Copy !req
387. Uh-huh.Copy !req
388. I knew it.Copy !req
389. I knew it.Copy !req
390. Confetti!
Where are they?Copy !req
391. Okay, you can come
out, wherever you are.Copy !req
392. Monk, no, that's
not confetti.Copy !req
393. That's shredded paper.Copy !req
394. It's what we... See,
there's the shredder,Copy !req
395. right there. That's
material evidence.Copy !req
396. Let's put it back.Copy !req
397. Thank you.Copy !req
398. What do you got?Copy !req
399. It's been chewed.Copy !req
400. The lawyer.Copy !req
401. The heart attack?Copy !req
402. He was here.Copy !req
403. Mr. Monk, what
are you doing?Copy !req
404. Oh, you don't want me to look, do you?Copy !req
405. No, I don't.Copy !req
406. I wonder why.Copy !req
407. Because it's putrid and disgusting.Copy !req
408. You were right.Copy !req
409. We just ran a full toxicology screening.Copy !req
410. Richard Meckler was murdered. Poisoned.Copy !req
411. We found eight ccs of sodium
fluoroacetate in his blood stream.Copy !req
412. Sodium...Copy !req
413. Fluoroacetate.Copy !req
414. F- L-O...Copy !req
415. Fluoroacetate.Copy !req
416. I'm gonna write up
the notes later.Copy !req
417. We don't come across it
very often, thank God.Copy !req
418. It's extremely toxic
and fast-acting.Copy !req
419. Yeah, we know.
We were there.Copy !req
420. Another murder.
Coincidence?Copy !req
421. I don't
believe in coincidence.Copy !req
422. Okay, let's take
a step back.Copy !req
423. We got a janitor
who was killed.Copy !req
424. The only other guy in
the building is a lawyerCopy !req
425. named Richard Meckler.Copy !req
426. Ten hours later,
Meckler is poisoned.Copy !req
427. What do you
think, Monk?Copy !req
428. I don't believe in
coincidence either.Copy !req
429. And I also don't believe
in surprise parties.Copy !req
430. He has a big birthday tomorrow.Copy !req
431. Happy birthday.Copy !req
432. Uh, Doc, you said
that the, uh, sodium...Copy !req
433. Fluoroacetate.Copy !req
434. It was, uh,
fast-acting.Copy !req
435. That's right.Copy !req
436. Once you ingest it, you're
dead within 10 seconds.Copy !req
437. That doesn't
make sense.Copy !req
438. You know, I was... I was right
there. I was talking to the guy.Copy !req
439. I didn't
see anything.Copy !req
440. Neither...Copy !req
441. Did I!Copy !req
442. Can I just
say something?Copy !req
443. If this is my party,Copy !req
444. it's the second-worst
birthday party I've ever had.Copy !req
445. What's going on?Copy !req
446. The guy that died
yesterday was poisoned.Copy !req
447. Oh. So we're gonna recreate the crime.Copy !req
448. Well, why call me?
Am I a suspect?Copy !req
449. No.Copy !req
450. Am I important to the case in some way?Copy !req
451. Not particularly, no.Copy !req
452. Oh, so you were just looking
for an excuse to see me again.Copy !req
453. Miss Jensen,
if that were true,Copy !req
454. if I brought you down here
in the middle of the afternoonCopy !req
455. just to talk to you
and get to know you better,Copy !req
456. that would be a serious
abuse of my authority.Copy !req
457. It certainly would.Copy !req
458. Oh, Captain...Copy !req
459. Do you mind?Copy !req
460. Hey, Randy, Natalie,
this is T.K. Jensen.Copy !req
461. She writes for Consumer
Currents magazine.Copy !req
462. She was at the
event last night.Copy !req
463. I thought she might
be able to help.Copy !req
464. Hello.
Hi.Copy !req
465. Uh, what's "T.K."
Stand for?Copy !req
466. Mmm... She's taking the fifth on that.Copy !req
467. Okay, let's get
started. Captain,Copy !req
468. you're going to be
Richard Meckler.Copy !req
469. He was standing
right here.Copy !req
470. Right here.Copy !req
471. Natalie,
you're his wife,Copy !req
472. so you are standing
right there.Copy !req
473. What about me?Copy !req
474. You're you.Copy !req
475. But I'd rather
be Meckler.Copy !req
476. Why?Copy !req
477. He has more to do.Copy !req
478. Randy, you're you.Copy !req
479. All right.Copy !req
480. I am the inventor.Copy !req
481. I am Kurt Pressman.Copy !req
482. I'm sorry, I don't have a part for you.Copy !req
483. Oh. It's okay.Copy !req
484. Okay.Copy !req
485. I walk across the room
carrying two glasses of soda.Copy !req
486. I step up...Copy !req
487. That's right, he wasn't
sure which one was diet,Copy !req
488. so he took a sip.Copy !req
489. Then Meckler's wife
takes a sip.Copy !req
490. She took a sip.Copy !req
491. She gave the glass to
Meckler. He drank from it.Copy !req
492. Five minutes later,
he was dead.Copy !req
493. So how was he poisoned?
That's the question.Copy !req
494. It had to be
in the drink.Copy !req
495. No, no, that's...
That's impossible.Copy !req
496. You remember
what Dr. Z said,Copy !req
497. The poison hits
you like this,Copy !req
498. and he was sipping it
for at least five minutes.Copy !req
499. Besides, his wife
and PressmanCopy !req
500. both drank from
the same glass.Copy !req
501. They didn't
even get sick.Copy !req
502. So it wasn't
in the drink.Copy !req
503. Was he eating
something?Copy !req
504. No.Copy !req
505. Hmm. Wait a minute.Copy !req
506. He was chewing on his
pen, like a nervous habit.Copy !req
507. Nope, it wasn't
the pen.Copy !req
508. That was the first thing we checked.Copy !req
509. It was clean.Copy !req
510. Well, maybe somebody
injected him with something,Copy !req
511. like a...
Like a needle.Copy !req
512. No, I... I was there,
I would've seen that.Copy !req
513. A blow dart, you know, a poison dart.Copy !req
514. What
happened to the dart?Copy !req
515. It would have been
sticking in his neck.Copy !req
516. Not necessarily.Copy !req
517. There could have been
a long elastic wireCopy !req
518. attached to
the blow dart.Copy !req
519. They're called
dartarangs.Copy !req
520. How do you know they're
called "dartarangs"?Copy !req
521. Because they're probably
called dartarangs.Copy !req
522. Or at least, that's what
they should be called.Copy !req
523. Just nod your head
and say "maybe. "Copy !req
524. Maybe.
Interesting, Randy.Copy !req
525. Hmm.
Interesting.Copy !req
526. Hmm.Copy !req
527. Is the child safety
lock in the off position?Copy !req
528. Yes.Copy !req
529. Is the power
switch on?Copy !req
530. Yes.Copy !req
531. Is the cyclone cover
tightened securely?Copy !req
532. Cyclone cover, yes.Copy !req
533. I... I don't
understand it.Copy !req
534. It was working
perfectly.Copy !req
535. I was using it
all morning.Copy !req
536. I cleaned the filter,
and it just stopped.Copy !req
537. You cleaned
the what?Copy !req
538. I cleaned
the filter.Copy !req
539. You cleaned the air-actuated
ionized electronic filter?Copy !req
540. That's right. I always clean the filter.Copy !req
541. Mr. Monk, it says,
"Do not clean the filter. "Copy !req
542. Where?Copy !req
543. Here, here,
here, here.Copy !req
544. Here.Copy !req
545. I saw that, but it
didn't make any sense.Copy !req
546. You always
clean the filter.Copy !req
547. What
did I do?Copy !req
548. What did I do?Copy !req
549. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
550. So sorry.Copy !req
551. It's true
what they say,Copy !req
552. "The good die young. "Copy !req
553. Not this vacuum.Copy !req
554. Take me instead.Copy !req
555. I'm sure we can find somebody to fix it.Copy !req
556. Nobody
can fix it!Copy !req
557. It's not even
in the stores yet.Copy !req
558. Oh, God!Copy !req
559. Wait.Copy !req
560. Wait, wait, wait.
The guy, the inventor.Copy !req
561. Kurt Pressman? Yeah.
Yeah, he can fix it.Copy !req
562. His address is right on
the back of the booklet.Copy !req
563. "603 Vinton Street. "Copy !req
564. We can be there
in 20 minutes.Copy !req
565. No. We can't go now.
You have Dr. Bell at 2:00.Copy !req
566. Oh, I'll call
him and cancel.Copy !req
567. No, I don't think it's a
good idea. I mean, not today.Copy !req
568. Why not?Copy !req
569. Because you seem really anxious lately.Copy !req
570. You have that big case, the janitor.Copy !req
571. Plus the poisoned lawyer,
so that's two big cases.Copy !req
572. You're under
a lot of pressure.Copy !req
573. I don't believe it.Copy !req
574. What?
I don't believe it.Copy !req
575. You are diabolical.Copy !req
576. You're planning a surprise
party in Dr. Bell's office.Copy !req
577. My therapist's office!
Have you no shame?Copy !req
578. It's not
in his office.Copy !req
579. It's in the
office next door.Copy !req
580. I rented it out.
Everybody's waiting.Copy !req
581. They're already there.
Please, Mr. Monk.Copy !req
582. Please just...
Just come with me.Copy !req
583. It'll take
just an hour.Copy !req
584. Told you before,
I can't do it.Copy !req
585. What, because of
Cowboy Hank?Copy !req
586. Cowboy Hank. Because of one bad party.Copy !req
587. Okay, Mr. Monk,
congratulations.Copy !req
588. You win. You're gonna
spend your birthday alone.Copy !req
589. And the next
birthday after that.Copy !req
590. And the one
after that, too.Copy !req
591. Until you finally
die aloneCopy !req
592. and pathetic and miserable
and sad and alone.Copy !req
593. Deal. Can we fix
the vacuum now?Copy !req
594. Hello?Copy !req
595. In here.Copy !req
596. Hello.Copy !req
597. Mr. Monk, Natalie.Copy !req
598. I already spoke to your colleague,
Lieutenant Disher, earlier.Copy !req
599. Actually, that's
not why we're here.Copy !req
600. It broke. It...
It just stopped working.Copy !req
601. You mean, you're not
here about Richard?Copy !req
602. Could you have a look?
It'll just take a minute.Copy !req
603. I don't think
I can think about work.Copy !req
604. Not now, not after
what happened.Copy !req
605. It's just...Copy !req
606. Richard was
more than my lawyer.Copy !req
607. He was one of
my oldest friends.Copy !req
608. I've known him
since high school.Copy !req
609. I just can't
believe he's gone.Copy !req
610. I can appreciate that.Copy !req
611. It was a terrible thing.Copy !req
612. We're very sorry for
your loss. Aren't we?Copy !req
613. Yes.Copy !req
614. But as long
as we're here...Copy !req
615. It just
stopped working?Copy !req
616. Yeah. He cleaned the filter.Copy !req
617. Well, you're not supposed
to clean the filter.Copy !req
618. I know that now.Copy !req
619. We wrote it as big as we
could in the instruction book.Copy !req
620. It was the biggest
font we had.Copy !req
621. It was big.Copy !req
622. All right,
let's take a look.Copy !req
623. Great, thank you.Copy !req
624. Thank you so much.Copy !req
625. So this is, uh...Copy !req
626. This is where
you invented it?Copy !req
627. Yes, sir. Worked on the
prototype for five years.Copy !req
628. Five years?
Hmm.Copy !req
629. Well, you know what
Thomas Edison said,Copy !req
630. "Invention is
1% inspirationCopy !req
631. "and 99% perspiration. "Copy !req
632. I have a theory.Copy !req
633. I think Edison said
that to explain his B.O.Copy !req
634. Uh... I need
a Phillips-head.Copy !req
635. You know... You know,
the perspiration...Copy !req
636. I gather from the Lieutenant
that you don't thinkCopy !req
637. Richard died
of natural causes.Copy !req
638. Oh, we can't talk about
the case, you understand.Copy !req
639. Ah.Copy !req
640. He mentioned
another case.Copy !req
641. A janitor you feel
might be connected?Copy !req
642. It's possible. It's a work in progress.Copy !req
643. Yeah, Mr. Monk always says,
"It's a work in progress"Copy !req
644. just before he
figures it all out.Copy !req
645. Really?Copy !req
646. So, how does
she look?Copy !req
647. Well, you were right.
It's the filter.Copy !req
648. Yeah.Copy !req
649. I can't replace it now. It
will take a couple of days.Copy !req
650. Oh, so, Friday?Copy !req
651. Friday is
Richard's funeral.Copy !req
652. What time?Copy !req
653. Noon.Copy !req
654. So you're home
when? 2:30, 2:45?Copy !req
655. How about this?
I'll call you.Copy !req
656. Yeah, that
sounds great.Copy !req
657. Thank you so much for
letting us just drop by.Copy !req
658. Thank you.
Yes.Copy !req
659. And God bless you
and your work.Copy !req
660. All right,
how about this?Copy !req
661. It won't be a party.Copy !req
662. I mean, not technically.
It'll just be me and Julie.Copy !req
663. We'll come over tonight and
we'll have a birthday cakeCopy !req
664. and a couple of candles.Copy !req
665. I don't
want a cake.Copy !req
666. Okay, fine, uh,
how about a cupcake?Copy !req
667. One cupcake
and one candle.Copy !req
668. Crumbs.Copy !req
669. Okay, a plastic cupcake,
a picture of a candle,Copy !req
670. and I promise we won't
have any fun at all.Copy !req
671. You know
what I want?Copy !req
672. What I really want?Copy !req
673. What?
Just name it.Copy !req
674. I want you to
make a left turn.Copy !req
675. A left turn? Right now. Turn here.Copy !req
676. Why?
What's going on?Copy !req
677. We're
being followed.Copy !req
678. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What do I do?Copy !req
679. That's the Captain.Copy !req
680. Are you guys okay?Copy !req
681. We're being followed.Copy !req
682. Is it a black SUV?
Yes.Copy !req
683. Nevada plates?
Yes.Copy !req
684. Okay, stay calm.
We just got wordCopy !req
685. that somebody put out a
$20,000 contract on your life.Copy !req
686. A contract?Copy !req
687. Both of us,
or just him?Copy !req
688. What was that?Copy !req
689. Those are gunshots.
Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
690. Which way?
Away from the bullets!Copy !req
691. Wrong way, wrong way, wrong way!Copy !req
692. Well, how do you know?
It says, "Wrong way. "Copy !req
693. Oh, God.Copy !req
694. Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
695. Help us. You gotta help
us. They're after us.Copy !req
696. Oh, my God.
This way!Copy !req
697. Come on!Copy !req
698. Uh...Copy !req
699. The dumpster.
The dumpster.Copy !req
700. No, I can't.Copy !req
701. The port-a-john.Copy !req
702. Have we met?Copy !req
703. Mr. Monk, you have to choose.Copy !req
704. I choose death.Copy !req
705. Hey, they're down here. Go, go, go, go!Copy !req
706. Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go.Copy !req
707. Why did you
close it?Copy !req
708. Because
we're hiding.Copy !req
709. Can I change my mind?Copy !req
710. I'll take the
port-a-john.Copy !req
711. What do
we do with them?Copy !req
712. Let's dump
them in the river.Copy !req
713. I hope they're not talking about us.Copy !req
714. Come on out,
both of you.Copy !req
715. Let me see your hands. Hands up.Copy !req
716. Got any last words?Copy !req
717. Yes, I do.Copy !req
718. There's something
I wanna say.Copy !req
719. Happy birthday,
Mr. Monk.Copy !req
720. Surprise!Copy !req
721. Gotcha!Copy !req
722. Thank you.Copy !req
723. Man, you should have seen your face.Copy !req
724. Yeah, I should've seen my face.Copy !req
725. Are you okay?
You're not mad, are you?Copy !req
726. No, I'm okay.Copy !req
727. Hey, man.
Happy birthday.Copy !req
728. So, were you
surprised?Copy !req
729. Oh, yes, yes.
Yes, I was.Copy !req
730. I cannot believe you
got him in that dumpster.Copy !req
731. I know. You guys
were great.Copy !req
732. Where'd you
get that SUV?Copy !req
733. From the
impound lot.Copy !req
734. Uh-huh, very funny,
very funny.Copy !req
735. With the car chase and
the gunshots. Very amusing.Copy !req
736. And when the
guard got shot,Copy !req
737. that almost
looked real.Copy !req
738. Well, that was real.
We had to kill the guard.Copy !req
739. We had to make
it look authentic.Copy !req
740. What do you mean?Copy !req
741. It was fake blood.Copy !req
742. It was Pat. Pat,
he's right there.Copy !req
743. I knew it!
I knew it.Copy !req
744. Mr. Monk?
Look who I found.Copy !req
745. Your hero.
I had to invite him.Copy !req
746. I wouldn't have missed
it. Happy birthday, Monk.Copy !req
747. Happy...
Happy birthday.Copy !req
748. Hey. Hey, Natalie, Monk, come here.Copy !req
749. Yeah,
don't go away.Copy !req
750. This, uh... This'll
just take a second.Copy !req
751. Say helloCopy !req
752. to the guy that
sold the whole thing.Copy !req
753. Natalie Teeger,
Adrian Monk...Copy !req
754. Very good.Copy !req
755. Hi.Copy !req
756. Hey. Here.Copy !req
757. Thanks. Well, thank you for coming.Copy !req
758. I love your parties.Copy !req
759. Although,
I have to say,Copy !req
760. if nobody gets
shot or poisoned,Copy !req
761. I'm going to be
very disappointed.Copy !req
762. And many more.Copy !req
763. Come on, Mr. Monk,
make a wish.Copy !req
764. No. I don't
really think...Copy !req
765. Come on!
Monk, make a wish.Copy !req
766. Okay.Copy !req
767. You loosened
your belt.Copy !req
768. I'm making room
for the cake.Copy !req
769. You loosened
your belt.Copy !req
770. Excuse me?Copy !req
771. Your tool belt.Copy !req
772. It didn't fit,
and I saw you loosen it.Copy !req
773. I need a Phillips-head.Copy !req
774. You didn't even
know what tool to use.Copy !req
775. It wasn't your belt,
was it?Copy !req
776. I know what happened.Copy !req
777. I know the whole story.Copy !req
778. The janitor,Copy !req
779. Bradley Foster,
the engineer from MIT.Copy !req
780. He was the
real inventor.Copy !req
781. He took the idea to Richard
Meckler, which made sense.Copy !req
782. Meckler was a patent lawyer
in that same building.Copy !req
783. Self-cleaning vacuum.Copy !req
784. Fourth-greatest invention
since the dawn of man.Copy !req
785. Meckler knew it would
be worth a fortune.Copy !req
786. You and Meckler
were old pals.Copy !req
787. You were
in it together.Copy !req
788. He killed Foster
in the trash compactor,Copy !req
789. and you were
the beard.Copy !req
790. You were the
phony inventor.Copy !req
791. Meckler was greedy,
but you were greedier.Copy !req
792. You decided you didn't need a partner,Copy !req
793. so you killed him.Copy !req
794. You poisoned him
at that reception.Copy !req
795. I poisoned
Richard Meckler?Copy !req
796. How?Copy !req
797. You were there.
So were you.Copy !req
798. You brought
him his drink.Copy !req
799. It must have been
in the drink.Copy !req
800. I drank from it,
remember?Copy !req
801. From the same glass.Copy !req
802. The ice cubes.Copy !req
803. The ice cubes.
Mine are square.Copy !req
804. These are round.Copy !req
805. So are yours.Copy !req
806. It must have been
in the ice cubes.Copy !req
807. I'll take that.Copy !req
808. That's how you could
drink from the same glass.Copy !req
809. The ice hadn't
melted yet.Copy !req
810. Randy,
cuff him.Copy !req
811. Don't need handcuffs.Copy !req
812. There you go, son,
take him away.Copy !req
813. Cowboy Hank!Copy !req
814. He was available.
Can you believe it?Copy !req
815. Sorry I'm late,
buckaroos.Copy !req
816. Okay, who's the
birthday boy?Copy !req
817. Monk.
I am.Copy !req
818. Well, rattle my saddle.
Happy birthday, son.Copy !req
819. Thank you, Hank.Copy !req
820. Yeah, there
you go!Copy !req
821. Thank you,
thank you, thank you.Copy !req
822. Well, I guess it's time for Cowboy HankCopy !req
823. to be moseying
down the trailCopy !req
824. back to the old
cowboy home.Copy !req
825. Now listen, Adrian,Copy !req
826. I want you to keep
your spurs clean, huh?Copy !req
827. I don't think you have
to worry about that.Copy !req
828. Thank you
very much, ma'am.Copy !req
829. Well, never
a dull moment.Copy !req
830. Hey. Give me
another chance.Copy !req
831. I want to have
dull moments with you.Copy !req
832. How about
Saturday night?Copy !req
833. Okay.Copy !req
834. And Sunday night.Copy !req
835. Sunday night, too?Copy !req
836. Yep.Copy !req
837. I don't know.
I mean, uh...Copy !req
838. Maybe we ought
to tap the brakes.Copy !req
839. I'm sorry, but my brakes are shot.Copy !req
840. And besides, I don't want to slow down.Copy !req
841. I haven't felt...Copy !req
842. Hell, I have... I've
never felt like this.Copy !req
843. And I don't even
know your name.Copy !req
844. It's Trudy.Copy !req
845. Your name
is Trudy?Copy !req
846. Yeah, it's... No, wait,
your... Your name's Trudy?Copy !req
847. Yeah.Copy !req
848. Oh, that's not
gonna work.Copy !req
849. What?Copy !req
850. Well, it's...
It's a long story.Copy !req
851. Let's just stick with
T.K., okay? T.K. Is cute.Copy !req
852. Okay.Copy !req
853. For the record, Cowboy Hank went home,Copy !req
854. and everybody's
still here.Copy !req
855. They're here
for you, Mr. Monk.Copy !req
856. Hey, you guys,
we had a great time.Copy !req
857. You're not leaving.Copy !req
858. Okay.Copy !req
859. Natalie, this was the
best birthday I ever had.Copy !req
860. Thank you.
You're welcome.Copy !req
861. Don't do it again.Copy !req
862. Happy birthday,
Mr. Monk.Copy !req
863. Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0Copy !req