Modern Family 1x21

Directed by Seth Gordon

Reid Ewing as Dylan Marshall • Christopher Shea as Ben Dugan • Fred Willard as Frank Dunphy • Ben Seaward as Neil • Libby Mintz as Girl in Movie

Claire is caught off guard when Phil's father shows up in an RV with a little four legged friend, and she becomes suspicious that he might be hiding a larger reason for the visit. Meanwhile, when Cameron hears Dylan is down a drummer in his band, he enthusiastically offers to fill in, and Jay and Gloria have to pay the consequences of accidentally taking Manny to see a traumatizing horror movie.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Honeydew! What's up?

2. Guess who's here. Your dad!

3. He drove his R.V. all the way up from Cocoa Beach.

4. Hey, Son, working hard?

5. He's gonna say "Hardly working."

6. I meant to tell you he was driving out.

7. Did he say it? Oh, yeah.

8. - Good kid. - He wasn't supposed to show up for a few more days.

9. Well, guess what he brought us.

10. A dog... to keep.

11. Yes! Yes.

12. Yes, I should have told Claire about the dog, and I was going to.

13. But I was just waiting for her to be in the right mood.

14. Actually, I did get one right mood a couple nights ago,

15. but I cashed that in for something else.

16. - Am I in trouble? - Oh, really, really big.

17. Okay, I'm a little scared. How bad is this? Oh, well-

18. We have a new rule- no sleeping in the bedroom.

19. Mr. Pritchett. Uh, Ben- Ben Dugan.

20. I went to high school with Mitch. We were in the drama club together.

21. That's right. Yeah.

22. Geez, I didn't recognize you without that old-guy makeup on.

23. You know, you and Mitch knocked The Sunshine Boys out of the park.

24. Mitch was really great in that. I always thought he should be an actor.

25. Yeah, he's got a real job now. He's a lawyer. How about you?

26. Still acting. Fantastic.

27. Actually, it's exciting. I'm in a new movie, Maple Drive. Just came out.

28. You're kidding me. Look at me. I know somebody famous.

29. Uh, anyway, I got to go.

30. Great to see you. Good to see you too. Yeah.

31. Kid's a movie star.

32. Hey, how'd it go in there? No cavities.

33. And I got a free toothbrush. Hey, you want to go to the movies?

34. I just heard about a good one. But I'm supposed to be in school.

35. Well, you're supposed to floss too, but you got away with that one.

36. Come on. Let's go.

37. One of the greatest days of my life...

38. was when my old man sprung me from school and took me to the track.

39. I wanted to do the same type of thing for Manny,

40. plus I figured when Gloria heard about it, maybe it pays off in the bedroom.

41. I wonder if that's why my old man did it.

42. Oh, crap.

43. Your mother-in-law just had to have the dog.

44. Turns out she's allergic.

45. And the pet store didn't have a grace period or a return policy or anything?

46. I got him from the pound.

47. Was there a twister in Kansas? 'Cause there's a house in my driveway.

48. Welcome home, Mr. Dunphy. Uh, always a pleasure, Mr. Dunphy.

49. Indeed it is, Mr. Dunphy. Place it there.

50. - Oh, I shall. I shall. - I miss this. Get in here.

51. My dad is awesome.

52. He's awesome. He's always up. He's always happy.

53. I mean, he and I are best buds. We're like two peas in a pod.

54. Or Siamese twins. Or a snake with two heads.

55. They've actually been all those things for Halloween. Yeah.

56. Oy. This must be Scout, huh?

57. I should warn you. He sheds. I made the mistake of letting him sleep with me on the road.

58. Now my sheets look like two bigfoots did it. Pardon the language.

59. How's Mom? Speaking of big feet, eh?

60. She's on a cruise with her girlfriends,

61. some of which are not totally unattractive.

62. Oh, that reminds me. She sent some gifts for the kids.

63. Um, I will be right back.

64. - You three get better acquainted. - Will do!

65. Bye! Will do!

66. I cannot believe you got a dog without consulting me.

67. This was a major family decision.

68. It was wrong. Yeah.

69. And I'm sorry. Mmm.

70. But we have talked about getting a dog for years,

71. and you're the only one who wasn't into it.

72. Because I knew that I would be the one taking care of it.

73. That's not true. Uh-

74. No, we will all help. Mm-hmm?

75. This is a great chance to teach the kids responsibility.

76. That is exactly what you said about Luke's paper route.

77. ? Hey, hey?

78. ? Hey, hey Hey, hey?

79. ? Hey, hey Hey?

80. Hello?

81. Is anyone in there?

82. Red's a good color on you.

83. It's just a movie.

84. Oh, he's so cute.

85. Look at his little face. I always wanted a dog. Thanks, Grandpa.

86. Okay, but remember, having a dog is a major responsibility.

87. Everyone in the family has to pitch in.

88. - Can do, Mrs. D. - Not you, Dylan.

89. Oh, phew. 'Cause I got a lot on my plate right now.

90. Hey, look who's here. Uncle Cam.

91. Hey, we heard about the new addition and we had to come right over.

92. Cameron, so good to see you again. Now that is a shirt.

93. Oh, well, thank you, Frank. I get 'em online. I'll send you a link.

94. Oh, well, at home, I smoke sausages. I'll send you a link.

95. Classic.

96. And this must be Lily. Oh, yes.

97. Aww! She just couldn't wait to meet the new doggy.

98. I think she's good right here. Let me get in there and get some of that doggyness.

99. Oh, there it is. Haley.

100. There it is. I gotta go.

101. What's wrong? That was Brian. He just quit the band.

102. What? Why? He's moving to Portland. His parents got back together.

103. Oh, that sucks. I know.

104. Now we're gonna have to cancel the gig tomorrow.

105. Maybe you can find another drummer.

106. No. I think it's too late for that now.

107. I play drums.

108. Huh? Well, I mean, I haven't played in a while,

109. since Lily's come along, but if you're in a jam, I can jam.

110. Well, I totally would, but I'm not sure we like the same sorts of music, you know?

111. What, because I'm gay, I'm just gonna want to play show tunes?

112. No, because you're old.

113. Wow. That hurt more, Dylan.

114. Give him a chance. It's better than canceling.

115. You're right. I don't want to lose the deposit on that fog machine.

116. Okay. Let's do it.

117. I used to be a music teacher, but I gave that up as soon as Lily came along.

118. Yes. Well, we just felt that it was really important...

119. that one of us stayed home to raise her, so-

120. Yeah, and that's not a judgment on other people's choices.

121. It's just that we happen to be a very traditional family. Mm-hmm.

122. Yes, that's what the disabled lesbian shaman who blessed Lily's room said too.

123. How you doin', buddy?

124. All right, relax.

125. Oh, geez.

126. I am telling you, Phil, the man was crying.

127. That is impossible. My dad is the happiest guy on earth.

128. It probably just sounded like he was crying.

129. Have you heard the noise he makes when he gets out of a chair?

130. No. I know what I heard. I think this has something to do with your mom.

131. What? Yeah, he came here alone. Think about it.

132. She's on a cruise. Yeah, and they never take separate vacations, so-

133. No. No, if something was wrong, my dad would tell me about it.

134. No, Phil, he wouldn't, because you guys never actually talk about anything.

135. We talk all the time. He crank calls me at work, like, three times a week.

136. Crank calls don't count. Counts for fun.

137. No, honestly, I think that you should find out what's going on with your dad.

138. It's going to be nothing. My dad isn't like your dad.

139. There's nothing deep and dark inside.

140. His hard candy shell is just hiding more candy.

141. - I think he wants to go out. Good boy.

142. Smart dog. I hate to break it to you, but I think all dogs can do that.

143. I'm gonna play outside.

144. - Ow!

145. Uh! What happened?

146. Okay.

147. Should I just play a little something?

148. Yeah. But, you know, if it doesn't work out, don't feel bad.

149. Well, hopefully this is- this is like riding a bicycle,

150. and it'll all come back to me.

151. That's the loud one.

152. So... here we go.

153. Hmm.

154. Oh, silly me.

155. I had the sticks in the wrong hands.

156. Wow.

157. Dude, you should label those sticks.

158. Is that the alarm? Has our perimeter been breached?

159. It's not the alarm. The doorbell won't stop ringing.

160. Maybe a demon is ringing it. Not a demon.

161. Ay! Who keeps ringing the doorbell?

162. We're pretty sure it's a demon Oh, yeah?

163. There

164. If it were a demon, it would keep on ringing

165. Not if he's already inside I'm getting a weapon

166. What were you thinking?

167. Who takes a little boy to a horror movie? That's loco, Jay

168. This is no big deal You want scary?

169. When I was his age, I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis

170. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow

171. in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel

172. Why would they send a Soviet colonel to get a little boy?

173. Because I could identify every commie plane

174. What are we talking about?

175. Look, all I'm saying, being scared is part of growing up

176. Manny will get over this It builds character

177. I'll take the first watch You two might as well get some rest

178. It's gonna be a long night

179. Character

180. Dad?

181. Come on in! It's open! Hey!

182. Ah, don't tell me You need a cup of sugar

183. Nah Just, uh-

184. I was just wondering, I don't know, uh-

185. Anything on the old noodle?

186. Other than a bad toupee? I'm kidding, of course This is my real hair

187. Well, okay Wait a minute I want to ask you something

188. Am I putting you in a bad position with this whole dog thing?

189. Claire seemed a little put out Oh, don't worry about it

190. Claire didn't like me at first either I can't blame her Dismissed!

191. Oh, Dad, um, you know what? I, uh-

192. Claire saw something, and she'd kill me if I- if I didn't ask

193. What is it?

194. Would you wear pants to breakfast, for crying out loud?

195. You got me again Right in the funny bone All right

196. Come on, Scout Let go of it

197. No, no, no! Oh!

198. Dog Look at this

199. How did he get ahold of your bra?

200. Well, uh, we were out on a date, and he has a really nice car, so-

201. How do you think? He got it out of the laundry basket

202. Can't take my eyes off that dog for a second

203. - Why don't you just keep him in the crate? - I tried that

204. He figured out how to get out I thought you were dealing with your dad

205. Oh, yeah, I did He's fine, so-

206. Whoa! You got that from a two-minute conversation?

207. I asked him point-blank if he was okay He said he was So I just-

208. Just swapped some jokes and moved on

209. Phil, the man needs more of a push than that

210. Look, if he wants to talk to me about it, he will.

211. Geez, someone's panties are in a bunch

212. I thought I was showing concern and- No Right there

213. Oh, my God! That damn dog!

214. Guys, little help?

215. I have to go to the bathroom, and I'm not gonna do it in here

216. - Hey, I got Chinese - Sweet! I'm starving

217. - Oh, we have guests - Yeah Hey We're just having a little jam session

218. You know Dylan. This is Craig. This is Neil.

219. I'll always remember him as the stranger holding my baby.

220. Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?

221. Yeah Hey, guys, let's, uh- let's just take five

222. What's up with 21 Jump Street?

223. Oh, well, their drummer quit and I'm gonna fill in for him tomorrow night

224. No, no We have Pepper's après-ski fondue party tomorrow night, Cam

225. Oh, no

226. So you'll just have to tell your band that they're gonna have to find someone else

227. You know what? No I'm not gonna let these fellas down I made a commitment

228. You made two commitments, okay?

229. And you know how Pepper is Everything has to be perfect

230. He gets mad if you don't wear a big sweater

231. Yeah, I remember I got so hot last year, I almost went face down in the gruyère

232. So I'm going by myself, is that what you're saying?

233. I just feel like I kind of need this

234. To round out your college applications?

235. It's just that because I'm always home with Lily

236. I just feel like I'm going a little bit stir-crazy

237. Look at the den Every time I finish painting it, I start all over again

238. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge

239. I'm gonna go back to jamming

240. Yeah, we gotta fix this Ay.

241. Hey, what's with the big sweater at a concert? Is that a gay thing?

242. No, Dad It's for my friend Pepper's après-ski fondue-

243. Yeah Yeah, it's a gay thing

244. Hope they start soon I don't think Scout likes to be left alone

245. You love the dog

246. No, I don't love the dog I love my couch

247. And the dog was looking at it like it was a giant sausage

248. Good news, you two You're getting your driveway back

249. I'm hitting the open road in the morning Oh, already?

250. Yeah Anxious to get home and see Mom, huh?

251. No, I'm just gonna drive wherever the wind blows me,

252. which is usually into the next lane

253. Can we get some sodas, Grandpa?

254. Okay, but just one I'm driving Come on

255. He's not going home? He's never been away from my mom for longer than a doctor's appointment

256. Honey, I know I told you

257. I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers

258. It turns out I'm one of 'em

259. It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper

260. Hey Thanks, everybody, for coming out

261. These are some songs we wrote.

262. One, two One, two, three.

263. ? Baby, don't leave me I just want you to know?

264. ? I want you to know?

265. ? There's something inside me that I cannot control?

266. ? I cannot control?

267. Our boyfriends totally rock! I know, right?

268. ? I heard you screamin' my name I'm goin' insane?

269. Well, the plan was...

270. to watch him for 10 minutes and then run out to Pepper's party

271. ? Coursing through my veins?

272. But he was so great up there.

273. How-How could I leave?

274. - ? Afraid But don't be afraid? - Whoo-hoo!

275. ? I'll be your vampire?

276. It was his moment

277. - ? Come on? - Wow!

278. I know!

279. And his moment went on for a really, really long time

280. Turns out I could have run to the party and made it back for the end of his moment

281. Manny, go brush your teeth and get ready for bed, okay?

282. Your bed Can I watch TV?

283. Mmm, only 10 minutes Okay

284. We'll speak no more of it now

285. Hey, Jay, it's Ben Dugan I got your message

286. Uh, yes, I'm happy to help out I'll swing by tonight

287. What's that? That's Ben That's the guy who was in the movie

288. I figure when Manny sees him, sees how nice he is, he'll realize it's all pretend

289. - You think that will work? - Guy's a sweetheart.

290. Manny's gonna spend two minutes with him He'll explain how the movie's made

291. He's even bringing his fake machete Thing's made of rubber

292. - You mean you wish to train here as a novice?

293. Hey, are you Manny? I'm here for you

294. Look what I got

295. Mom, he's here!

296. ¿ Qué pasó? ¿ Qué pasó? ¿ Qué pasó?

297. ¡Ay!

298. We're gonna need a bigger bed!

299. Oh, geez.

300. Oh, my God! I think that's him

301. Hey You stayed Yeah.

302. Well, you know, I'm-I'm with the band

303. I thought the gig was a little sloppy in spots,

304. but I think once I learn all the songs-

305. I thought- I thought this was a one-time thing?

306. Are you kidding? We destroyed in there

307. Did you hear that one lady screaming my name?

308. That was Phil He had a Red Bull

309. Hey, guys Good gig, huh?

310. - Yeah. Totally awesome, man - Heck of a gig

311. Hey, guys Hey I thought you were in Portland

312. No My parents broke up again

313. I'm not moving I can stay in the band

314. Well, this is awkward

315. Uh- Cam

316. Oh, awkward for me

317. Good luck following that, Ringo

318. I believe this belongs to you

319. I don't want to drag the house along with me

320. Come here, you little monkeys

321. Bye, Grandpa We'll miss you

322. I wish I could take you with me

323. Drive safe, Grandpa Oh, I'll try

324. You sure you don't want to stay for breakfast?

325. No, I ought to be hitting the road

326. Well, adios

327. Dad, hold on. Hmm?

328. Can I talk to you for a second? Sure

329. Guys Come on

330. I don't think you're being honest with me

331. I- I know something is going on with you

332. What's up?

333. Something up? Well, my boxers are, uh, riding a little high

334. I'm not in the mood for jokes right now, although you nailed that

335. Thanks Great stuff

336. Thanks

337. It's nothing Oh, it's nothing?

338. Nothing to do with Mom? No!

339. Well, yeah I've fallen in love

340. Oh, my God

341. Who is she? He!

342. What?

343. It's that little guy right over there

344. Come on over here. Come on.

345. Come on There you go Ah, look at him

346. Driving across country,

347. this little bastard nuzzled his way right into my heart, didn't ya?

348. So this is just about you not wanting to leave the dog? Well, you should tell Mom

349. Those three days on the road with him were the happiest of my life

350. You should leave that part out

351. I don't want to keep Scout if it makes Grandpa sad

352. Yeah, I know, sweetie But Grandma has allergies, so Scout has to stay with us

353. Well, she could always just get some allergy shots

354. Honey, you don't want to put her through that

355. Hell, back in the day, I got a vasectomy for her.

356. Dad Dad Please

357. Scout's- Scout's your dog

358. He should go with you

359. Okay, you twisted my arm

360. Thanks, Son Thanks for poking through the armor

361. You're poking through the armor down there What?

362. Made you look

363. You are a treasure

364. Come on, Scout. Let's mosey.

365. Oh, oh, oh! Oh, wait

366. He loves that, yeah Oh, I bet he does

367. No, Scout This time I drive

368. You still got it!

369. I can't believe I'm saying this,

370. but I think I might have actually gotten even closer with my dad

371. I can't believe he took my dog

372. Bye-bye Bye, Grandpa! Love you!

373. Bye, Dad

374. Bye, Grandpa! I love you! Luke, stay!

375. Luke, stay! Come back soon! I'll see you later!

376. Luke, stay!

377. Luke! Stay!

378. Frank

379. Hey, Jay Good to see you

380. Great to see you Didn't expect to find you here

381. Well, listen, when my granddaughter's boyfriend's band plays an under-21 club

382. with my daughter-in-law's brother's gay partner, I show up

383. That's just how I was raised

384. I don't think you met my wife, Gloria Hola.

385. Oh, it's a pleasure You are a lovely woman

386. You must be Frank Okay, then,

387. you are hotter than a Las Vegas sidewalk on the Fourth of July

388. Did I go too far? Not you, Frank No