MobLand 1x4

1. - Kev. - Richie's coming

2. for all of us.

3. What's happened?

4. Harry's found Tommy.

5. Jesus Christ.

6. How much did he pay you?

7. Ten grand.

8. He's a fucking liar.

9. Congratulations.

10. You've started a war.

11. Did Eddie kill Tommy Stevenson?

12. Richie'll believe what I want Richie to believe.

13. We do have an option.

14. It might work.

15. - Go on. - We've got Valjon, ain't we?

16. Thank you for bringing this man to me.

17. You can go now.

18. I'm gonna talk to our friend here.

19. Very, very thoroughly.

20. And if I find a single crack in his story,

21. the slightest flicker of doubt,

22. then you'll hear from me again.

23. He buy it?

24. I don't know.

25. Main switchboard just received an anonymous call.

26. It's about the location of Archie Hammond's body.

27. Hello, Archie.

28. Morning, sunshine.

29. You've got something that I want.

30. You've got my memory stick.

31. I don't know what you're talking about.

32. Oh, yeah? Come on, let me help you up. Up you get.

33. You've probably not done this before, yeah? But I have.

34. Let me tell you how it goes, yeah?

35. Normally, I'll take a blunt object, right?

36. And I'll smash your fucking teeth out,

37. and I'll break your ribs, I'll break your legs,

38. your forearm, yeah?

39. Take your fucking kneecaps off and smash both your feet.

40. So why don't you save yourself a week in intensive care

41. and just give me what I want?

42. Yeah.

43. Thank you. Can I have the copy please?

44. No, that's all there is.

45. Do you like hospital food?

46. Do you?

47. Thank you.

48. All right. Now, listen.

49. There will be no more shenanigans, dealings,

50. meetings, anything, with Bella Harrigan.

51. - Yeah? - Yeah.

52. Okay.

53. Have a lovely day.

54. Are you a rich man?

55. Come again.

56. Keep the stick, but this deal goes ahead.

57. Step back, and...

58. this is yours.

59. Fucking hell, how much is that?

60. - It's 40,000. - 40,000?

61. That's my mortgage that, mate.

62. If I was really flash, that'd be, like, a couple weeks

63. in-in the Maldives for that.

64. Wow.

65. What would you choose? Mortgage or Maldives, mate?

66. Well...

67. Fuck!

68. I'm not here for bribes.

69. I'm here to get assurances.

70. That is yours. Yeah?

71. Speak.

72. All right.

73. For fuck's sake, Harry.

74. C-Can I help you?

75. Oh, hello. I'm, um, I'm a friend of Mike's.

76. Oh, Mike's away. And, uh, Wendy's—

77. Yeah, in Spain. Yeah. I'm-I'm here

78. with my wife and daughter. We're looking after his kittens.

79. Got it.

80. What's your name?

81. Oh. Karen.

82. - Good luck. - Thank you.

83. You scared the life out of me.

84. It's nice here, innit? Ooh, what's that smell?

85. Kitten shit.

86. - Where've you been? - Busy.

87. - Last night, where were you? - What'd you mean?

88. I mean, Harry, where did you sleep?

89. Oh, Jesus, Jan, I'd love a cup of tea. Thank you.

90. - Harry. - Nowhere.

91. - Nowhere? - Yeah.

92. I haven't even been to bed yet.

93. - So where've you been? - Working.

94. You disappear, we have to move,

95. then you show up in the morning like nothing's happened.

96. I'll tell you what. Why don't you go out there

97. and sit in the sunshine, yeah?

98. And I'll make you a lovely cup of tea.

99. How about that?

100. Ah. Any joy?

101. Uh, nothing. Nary a bite.

102. Better luck next time.

103. - I did get a phone call. - Hmm?

104. Mm. From our tame undertaker,

105. Parlor Pete.

106. What did he have to say for himself?

107. Seems they've found Archie.

108. I'll put the kettle on.

109. That's a good idea. Come on, you.

110. Here we go.

111. Four nights ago, Eddie Harrigan murdered Tommy Stevenson.

112. Yeah.

113. Eddie stabbed Tommy 60 times,

114. and then he paid this bloke Valjon to chop him up.

115. Ow.

116. Richie Stevenson,

117. Tommy's dad, right? He gave me 24 hours to find Tommy.

118. Eddie's denying it, Kevin's gone berserk.

119. Next thing, I get a call to say that Conrad's

120. only gone and shot his childhood friend Archie, ain't he?

121. In front of the whole family. Stone dead.

122. Mm. So I go up, clean up,

123. come back, get pinched, get out,

124. by which time, it's a bit too late for Tommy.

125. Richie loses his shit,

126. blows up Kev's gaff.

127. I pick you up and come here. Head back to the yard,

128. and I manage to convince Valjon to take the fall

129. for Tommy's murder.

130. I drive him over to Richie's,

131. which is where he's at right now.

132. Oh, by the way, I managed to talk the old people's home

133. into giving a bed for Maria's mum.

134. Harry...

135. In 20-odd years of being together...

136. we've firmly established three things.

137. One, I fucking hate cats.

138. Two, I can't swim.

139. Three...

140. I don't want to know what you do all day.

141. I don't care if you're a doctor,

142. a dustman, or a window cleaner.

143. Your work is your work.

144. I don't like it. I live with it.

145. Harry.

146. I want to go home.

147. Well, go pack a bag.

148. How did you get them to do it?

149. What? Valjon?

150. No.

151. The home.

152. How'd you get them to take Maria's mum?

153. Well, that's my job, isn't it?

154. Are they sure?

155. - Sure what? - That it's Archie.

156. It's Archie.

157. Yeah, but are you 100% sure, Conrad?

158. They found him in a box with a little old Scottish lady,

159. in Archie's clothes, with Archie's hands,

160. Archie's fingerprints, Archie's DNA!

161. In the exact same fucking spot they were tipped off!

162. I'm no expert, but it sounds a lot like Archie.

163. Paul, wait out in the corridor, would you please?

164. Course.

165. Archie may have been a grass,

166. but Archie never tipped off where Archie's body was.

167. Someone who was there that night,

168. someone other than Archie, is a rat.

169. Anybody who was here that night could've told the police,

170. and there's only two people who know where Archie was buried.

171. - Who? - Me and Harry.

172. - So, Archie gets done... - Mm-hmm.

173. Harry takes his body to the parlor

174. and stuffs him in with Mrs. McFuckface.

175. What happens next?

176. Harry gets called back in.

177. Like, mad fast.

178. The next morning.

179. Hmm.

180. - It's not Harry. - Come on, Con.

181. It's a perfect cover.

182. - It's not Harry. - Well, who the fuck is it, then?

183. It's... not... Harry.

184. You told me only two people knew, you and Harry.

185. I'm assuming it's not you.

186. Paul!

187. Yes, Conrad?

188. I need you to do something for me.

189. So, where are we?

190. Tenterhooks, mate.

191. No word from Richie?

192. Nothing.

193. And right now, they'll be grilling Valjon.

194. What if he breaks?

195. Then all bets are off, aren't they?

196. Morning.

197. Can I help?

198. Yeah. I'm looking for a friend of mine.

199. Harry Da Souza?

200. Sorry, don't know him.

201. I got some good news for him.

202. For him?

203. Yeah, just trust me when I say he'll want to hear it.

204. And trust me when I say fuck off, I don't know him.

205. All right, well...

206. how about you just tell him give Donnie a call.

207. Sorry. Who is this Donnie cunt?

208. - I'm gonna go. - Hang on.

209. Say cheese, Donnie.

210. Thanks.

211. You have a nice day, Zosia.

212. Hello?

213. You know a Donnie?

214. No. Who?

215. Some guy named Donnie just came here.

216. Said he's a mate, and he's got good news for you.

217. Left a number.

218. What'd he look like?

219. Hang on.

220. Oh.

221. Nah, he don't ring a bell. Tell you what. Can you, um...

222. Can you give us a call if he turns up again?

223. Thanks, Sausage. Cheers.

224. So how has this week been?

225. Why don't you go first, Harry?

226. Oh, wait. You're not here.

227. Yeah, so, uh...

228. a lot's happened.

229. Like, a lot.

230. Stuff that should really upset me or...

231. at least worry me, but...

232. But what?

233. I feel nothing.

234. - Because...? - Because...

235. I expect nothing.

236. I get nothing.

237. Are you scared of Harry?

238. Let me make something clear.

239. Harry would tear both balls off before he laid a finger on me

240. or Gina.

241. He'd tear the balls off anyone who did.

242. But living with Harry is...

243. sometimes scary.

244. May I ask you a slightly difficult question?

245. They're all difficult.

246. Do you feel threatened by the relationship

247. between Kevin and Harry?

248. No. I like Kevin. Always have.

249. I don't feel threatened by him. I feel threatened by...

250. By what?

251. Do you remember when we were inside, a, um... screw?

252. One nasty bastard.

253. That don't exactly narrow it down, does it?

254. They were all cunts.

255. Yeah, but his name was Rusby.

256. Rusby?

257. Leave me alone.

258. Well, that's not ringing any bells, eh.

259. Seriously, you don't remember him?

260. Should I?

261. Rusby.

262. I said I don't know him.

263. If I don't know him, then I don't fucking know him.

264. Fucking hell.

265. Mum?

266. Where are we?

267. Uh, we're still waiting.

268. Is Harry there?

269. Yeah, he's here.

270. - Why? Do you need him? - No, no.

271. Just say Maeve says hi.

272. Mum says hi.

273. The family my husband works for...

274. If you were from around here—

275. not a doctor or whatever it is you are—

276. if you grew up around here,

277. and I told you their name, you'd know instantly who they were.

278. See, Harry has two families,

279. and I'm not sure which one comes first.

280. Actually, I am.

281. And that's the whole problem.

282. Because where is he?

283. He's out fixing their problems.

284. But what about this one?

285. What about the problem right here?

286. Conrad? She's leaving.

287. I'll let you know where she ends up.

288. Hmm, okay.

289. Text me the address.

290. You spoke to Bella?

291. Yeah. She's still in the hotel.

292. I asked her to come up to Dad's. She weren't having it.

293. - Why's that? - I don't know.

294. Maybe 'cause Dad used to fuck her.

295. Did you know?

296. Did I? Fuck.

297. Well, how'd you find out?

298. Mum told me one night when she was pissed up.

299. I went straight to Bella and asked her.

300. She said it was true.

301. Yeah, they met at Cheltenham, um...

302. at the races.

303. Dad was like 50-odd, she was like 20, 21.

304. Uh... used to have, like, six or seven birds on the go.

305. She was, I suppose, six or seven.

306. Then she worked her way up to three, two, then number one.

307. Then Mum found out.

308. So what does Dad do?

309. Introduces her to me.

310. But I was so in love with her.

311. I just... I squared it away.

312. I had to, you know?

313. I'd have squared pretty much anything away.

314. Plus, by then we'd got Eddie.

315. Do you still fancy Harry?

316. Yeah. In theory.

317. What?

318. Well, since time began, Jan,

319. mankind has shagged in caves, tents, houses.

320. Never ever heard of anyone ever shagging in theory.

321. Well, I was never one for... you know.

322. No, I don't know. Tell me.

323. I've always had to really get to know someone

324. before I even begin to fancy them.

325. Not me.

326. I'd fuck that guy if I was desperate enough.

327. I don't know why I told you. I just, I'm fucking...

328. I don't know, maybe I should have told you years ago.

329. Just got it out there. Got it off my chest.

330. I suppose I was ashamed, wasn't I?

331. I'm not fucking surprised, to be fair.

332. My therapist says there's this thing called "demisexual."

333. It's where you only fancy one person,

334. and you need a really strong connection with them.

335. Sounds like living hell.

336. Anyway, it means if I feel distant from Harry,

337. I don't fancy Harry.

338. Yeah, I... I don't think that needs a fancy name.

339. It's proper fucking medieval when you think about it, innit?

340. It's like fucking Henry VIII-type stuff.

341. I don't, I don't think Henry VIII would believe

342. half the stuff Conrad has done.

343. Yeah, you're not fucking wrong.

344. This is stunning, Jan. The view.

345. The whole apartment. What does Harry do?

346. Security.

347. Assuming not supermarket security.

348. No, he's a consultant with a family business.

349. - What does, uh... - Jason.

350. Jason, yeah, sorry. What does Jason do?

351. He's a quantity surveyor.

352. Don't worry, I don't get it either.

353. - Well, cheers to that. - Cheers to that.

354. Conrad.

355. Harry. Any word?

356. No. Not as of yet.

357. All right.

358. Keep me posted now.

359. What is so terrifying about sitting next to the person

360. you love and being truthful?

361. Just fucking ask him that.

362. Did you ask Jason that?

363. Yeah, when he was watching Fulham on the telly.

364. It was probably not the best moment to pick.

365. What did he say?

366. He said, "Al, for fuck's sake, we're three nil down."

367. What the fuck?

368. Conrad.

369. I hope this is not a bad time.

370. No, not at all. Come on in.

371. This is my friend Alice. Alice, uh, this is Conrad.

372. - Family friend. - Oh.

373. - It's a pleasure to meet you. - Pleasure to meet you, too.

374. This is nice. Friday. Wine.

375. Now a visit from a handsome stranger.

376. Oh. Now, before you say another word, Alice,

377. I must warn you,

378. I'm also disgustingly rich.

379. Alice was just leaving.

380. Mm. One for the road?

381. Uh...

382. Well, this has been really nice.

383. We... we should do it again soon.

384. I'll get out of your way.

385. I've been hearing things between you and Harry

386. are not the best right now, hmm?

387. Who's been telling you this?

388. Let's just say I heard it on the grapevine.

389. So, Kevin?

390. Actually, no.

391. Jan.

392. Kevin and Harry are brothers.

393. That means Harry is my son.

394. Like any father, I want only the best for him.

395. What's best for Harry might be that we break up.

396. - Harry needs you. - Harry needs the Harrigans.

397. He's always said the Harrigans are his family.

398. Meanwhile, he has another family,

399. his actual family.

400. We didn't give him a beautiful daughter.

401. We didn't give him a home.

402. Harry needs you,

403. and I need Harry sharp.

404. Yeah, well, I just need Harry.

405. Hmm.

406. Am I wasting my time here, Jan?

407. No, Conrad.

408. You and me

409. both have something in common, Jan.

410. Ask me what it is.

411. Conrad, uh...

412. Go on.

413. Ask me.

414. I said ask me.

415. What is it?

416. We both love Harry.

417. Now, do me a favor.

418. Never ever

419. discuss anything about Harry outside the family.

420. Tell no one.

421. Am I clear with this now?

422. Yeah. Yeah.

423. Good.

424. Oh, and also, not a word about this to Harry, all right?

425. There you go now.

426. Hello?

427. Harry, it's Richie.

428. Hello, Richie.

429. Meet me at the Monkey midnight tonight.

430. - And Harry? - Yes, Richie?

431. Come alone.

432. Harry.

433. Sinful Monkey.

434. Tonight. Midnight.

435. Who?

436. Just me.

437. Just you, eh?

438. All right.

439. You got this, Harry? Say if you haven't.

440. Leave it with me.

441. That fry big enough for you, love?

442. Oh, it's lovely.

443. - What's wrong, Eddie? - Nothing.

444. - Except... - Except what?

445. Everyone thinks I'm a cunt.

446. No one thinks you're a cunt, Eddie.

447. This family, all of them, they respect you.

448. Dad doesn't.

449. Your dad loves and respects you.

450. Harry. Harry don't respect me.

451. Harry. Who gives a fuck what that cuckoo thinks?

452. I'm joking. I love Harry. We all love Harry.

453. Where would we be without him?

454. If I ask you a question, will you tell me the truth?

455. Yes. Of course.

456. Was it a mistake?

457. What we did?

458. We've got everyone exactly where we want them.

459. And the Stevensons, they're looking at you,

460. and they're seeing someone strong.

461. Very, very strong.

462. You know your grandfather,

463. his whole life, has believed in the three Fs—

464. fishing, fucking, and fighting.

465. Time was he never left the house without a shooter or a razor.

466. Now, he's there on his new iPhone,

467. checking his fucking portfolio.

468. I mean, look at this place. Who does he think he is?

469. Fucking Lord Squire Sir Conrad of Cuntfordshire?

470. Meanwhile, the Stevensons are getting richer

471. and fatter.

472. Speak of the devil.

473. You've got lots to learn, Eddie.

474. But when you cut Tommy up, that sent a message.

475. And we're about to send another.

476. Hey.

477. You all right?

478. Um...

479. Yeah, I'm all right.

480. How was your day?

481. Went to therapy.

482. What, the old, um...

483. "talking about us" therapy?

484. Yeah.

485. What do you say about us?

486. This and that.

487. Jan.

488. What do you say about us?

489. Do you talk about the Harrigans?

490. No. Course I don't.

491. You can't go anymore.

492. Why?

493. Because Conrad will find out.

494. Jan?

495. What?

496. Nothing's happened.

497. What is it that you're not telling me?

498. Conrad came here earlier.

499. Fuck.

500. Good work.

501. So, Conrad. That was a bit of luck.

502. Luck? Nearly shat myself.

503. You all right?

504. Yeah.

505. You think you can get closer to him?

506. Slow down. Squeeze the soap, and I'm dead.

507. All right. Fair enough.

508. Look, I won't put you in danger.

509. I won't ask you to do anything I wouldn't do.

510. Then you go blow Conrad Harrigan.

511. Harry.

512. - Harry. - Don't. Just don't.

513. - Don't what? - Do you have any idea

514. what you've just fucking done?

515. I haven't done anything. I didn't say anything.

516. That doesn't matter.

517. No one cares if you've done anything or said anything.

518. It's about the optics, what it looks like.

519. Listen to yourself.

520. What is this? The fucking Taliban?

521. No. Oh, no, no.

522. No, the Harrigans, they're not Taliban.

523. But listen really carefully here, Jan.

524. When Conrad gets going, right?

525. I mean, like, really, really fucking going...

526. you're gonna fucking wish he was.

527. Hmm?

528. I've got to go.

529. - Evening. - Evening.

530. Come in.

531. - Drink? - No, thank you. I'm good.

532. All right.

533. From Antoine.

534. One and... two.

535. - Thank you. - You're welcome.

536. - So that's it now, yeah? - Hmm?

537. It's done.

538. What gave you that idea?

539. Bella, don't be daft, yeah? That's... that's it. It's done.

540. I just asked you to get the recordings.

541. I didn't ask you to kill the deal.

542. I think you killed your deal.

543. Don't tell me how to do business, Harry.

544. Who you calling?

545. - Hmm? - Who you calling, Bella?

546. Antoine, hi. It's Bella here.

547. You're overstepping the line, Harry.

548. You work for the Harrigans, which means you work for me.

549. Or did you forget that?

550. Don't you need to be somewhere?

551. - Harry? - All right, mate.

552. What you doing here?

553. I, um...

554. popped by to see Bella.

555. Told her she should go back with you.

556. Right. You all right?

557. Yeah.

558. What did she say?

559. Well, she's not happy, mate.

560. Well, if the mountain won't come to Muhammad, eh?

561. Ah, you're right, yeah. Fair one, mate. Okay.

562. - Be safe. - Yeah, you too, mate.

563. Good luck.

564. Listen, Antoine, whatever's happened has happened.

565. No, I completely understand.

566. My father's still on, and I am still on.

567. Of course.

568. Antoine, I've got to go.

569. - Hi. - All right.

570. Come in.

571. Can I get you a drink?

572. At least give me a hug first?

573. Scotch would be nice.

574. Of course.

575. Just saw Harry on the way out.

576. Yeah.

577. He wants to buy something for Jan, so he thought he'd ask me.

578. Couldn't he have phoned?

579. That's what I said.

580. I just assumed he was checking up on me.

581. I guessed you'd asked him.

582. - No, I didn't. - Yeah, well...

583. That's what you pay him for, to show up announced

584. at awkward times. Seriously awkward times.

585. What else did you talk about?

586. Why are you acting weird, Kevin?

587. I'm not acting weird.

588. I just want you to come with me to Dad's.

589. I need to know that you're safe.

590. Look, you know I can't.

591. That's your family.

592. Sorry, I just...

593. I just need some time.

594. Leave me alone.

595. Please.

596. No!

597. No! No, please!

598. Harry.

599. Richie.

600. You know I said I'd sleep on it.

601. Well, I went home this morning, and I couldn't.

602. You see, there's something about this whole thing that just

603. doesn't feel right with me.

604. Now, I like you, H.

605. So I'm willing to take your word for it.

606. Well, Valjon knew what he'd done,

607. so I doubt he didn't expect the landing that was coming.

608. I'd like you to do something for me.

609. What?

610. Your pal, Valjon. He's out the back.

611. Oh. Still alive, is he?

612. Come see.

613. Olie.

614. - Evening, Harry. - All right, Olie.

615. I'd like you to take care of this.

616. What do you mean?

617. Take care of the problem.

618. I'm gonna watch you. I'm gonna watch our friend.

619. And as I do, I'm gonna listen to only one thing,

620. my gut.

621. And then, whatever my gut tells me, well,

622. - that's the truth. - Hmm.

623. Right. Where is he?

624. Ol.

625. Oh.

626. I'll clean that up for you.

627. No, you're all right. We got this, H.

628. No, you're all right, Richie. I will. I'll clean that up.

629. You got a bathroom?

630. Olie.

631. Yeah.

632. Oh, Harry.

633. There's one other thing.

634. Yeah, go on, Harry.

635. Kev, he bought it.

636. No way. Oh, thank fucking God!

637. Yes. Get in.

638. Does Dad know?

639. I'll leave that to you.

640. Oh, mate. He bought it?

641. You're a fucking genius, Harry.

642. Get in, boy.

643. There's one more thing.

644. Go on.

645. Richie wants the Harrigans to go to Tommy's funeral.

646. Fuck off.