1. Copy !req
2. Hello.Copy !req
3. I'm Mr. Ed.Copy !req
4. - Hello, Mrs. Post.
- Hello, Henry.Copy !req
5. - Mind signing this, please?
- Thank you.Copy !req
6. There you are.
Thank you.Copy !req
7. Oh, would you please
put the hay in the back?Copy !req
8. - Hello, Carol.
- That horse.Copy !req
9. Oh, hi, Kay.Copy !req
10. Say, would you like
some coffee and cake?Copy !req
11. No, sweetie.
I just started a new diet,Copy !req
12. and I'll have to cut down
on some things.Copy !req
13. So, uh, just make it cake.Copy !req
14. You know, when I'm on a diet,
I eat like a horse.Copy !req
15. Not as much as our horse.Copy !req
16. Do you know that's
the fourth load of hay this week for Mr. Ed?Copy !req
17. Your horse has it pretty soft.Copy !req
18. He doesn't work,
he takes naps all day,Copy !req
19. - and he never stops eating.Copy !req
20. And I thought being a wife
was the best racket.Copy !req
21. Well, love and learn.Copy !req
22. Honey, I'm on a diet,
not a hunger strike.Copy !req
23. Carol! Carol—
Oh, hi.Copy !req
24. - Hi, Kay.
- Hi, Wilbur.Copy !req
25. Did I get a call
from Fred Briggs while I was gone?Copy !req
26. No, honey.Copy !req
27. That's funny.
He said he'd call.Copy !req
28. - The plans for his
beach house are ready. - Fred Briggs.Copy !req
29. Isn't he the man who directs
all those Western movies?Copy !req
30. That's right.
When you meet him,Copy !req
31. you don't know whether
to shake hands or draw.Copy !req
32. Honey, I noticed
a truckload of hay outside.Copy !req
33. Did you order that?Copy !req
34. Me? I thought you did.Copy !req
35. No, I didn't order it.Copy !req
36. Then the horse
must have ordered it.Copy !req
37. You know, I wouldn't
put it past Ed.Copy !req
38. I mean, I did order it.
I forgot.Copy !req
39. Excuse me.Copy !req
40. Carol, I read that Fred Briggs
is starting another picture.Copy !req
41. Maybe you can get him
to hire Mr. Ed.Copy !req
42. Hire Mr. Ed?Copy !req
43. That's a wonderful idea.Copy !req
44. That way your horse
can earn his keep.Copy !req
45. Can he do any tricks?Copy !req
46. Well, he has two specialties:Copy !req
47. eating and sleeping.Copy !req
48. You phoned
the feed store again, didn't you, Ed?Copy !req
49. I thought I told you
that I was the one to give the orders around here.Copy !req
50. That's the fourth
load of hay we had delivered this week.Copy !req
51. Well, I'm hungry.Copy !req
52. How come other horses
don't eat as much as you do?Copy !req
53. 'Cause they can't phone
the feed store.Copy !req
54. I'm not trying to starve you.Copy !req
55. I would just like to know
what is going on around here.Copy !req
56. Oh, please, Wilbur.Copy !req
57. Do I yell when you eat?Copy !req
58. Wilbur, Kay just had
the most marvelous idea.Copy !req
59. When Mr. Briggs comes over,Copy !req
60. why don't you ask him
if he'll hire Mr. Ed for his new Western?Copy !req
61. Gee, honey, I don't know.Copy !req
62. But we have nothing to lose.Copy !req
63. Honey, at least that way
he'll be helping to pay his own way.Copy !req
64. All that hay he eats
is costing us a fortune.Copy !req
65. I don't know, honey.Copy !req
66. Mr. Briggs is coming over
to take a look at these plansCopy !req
67. for his new beach house.Copy !req
68. It doesn't seem ethical
to ask himCopy !req
69. for a personal favor.Copy !req
70. Well, think about it,
Wilbur, huh?Copy !req
71. - Hello, neighbor.
- Hi, Roger.Copy !req
72. What do you think?Copy !req
73. - The Briggs beach house?
- Yeah.Copy !req
74. Oh, boy. Fine.
Yeah, great.Copy !req
75. Hey, that's quite a racket
you got there, you know that?Copy !req
76. Build a man a house
and rent him a horse at the same time.Copy !req
77. Oh, that?
Oh, no, no.Copy !req
78. I told Carol to forget
about Kay's idea.Copy !req
79. Kay's idea?Copy !req
80. Don't tell me
my dear little wifeCopy !req
81. has been interfering
in your life again.Copy !req
82. Take it easy, Roger.
She meant well.Copy !req
83. The road to Reno is paved
with good intentions.Copy !req
84. It's time that wife
of mine learned—Copy !req
85. Don't start any arguments
with Kay on my account.Copy !req
86. I told Carol that I am not
sending Ed to work,Copy !req
87. and that is that.Copy !req
88. - Honey?
- Hello, Fred.Copy !req
89. Hi, Wilbur.Copy !req
90. Fred, this is my neighbor,
Roger Addison.Copy !req
91. - This is Fred Briggs.
- How do you do?Copy !req
92. Honey, guess what.Copy !req
93. Mr. Briggs said he'd use
Mr. Ed in his new movie.Copy !req
94. I'm afraid my horse
will not be available for your picture, Fred.Copy !req
95. Okay. Anything you say.Copy !req
96. Now about these plans—Copy !req
97. Wilbur, I think
I'll run along.Copy !req
98. Mr. Briggs,
nice to meet you.Copy !req
99. Yes. My pleasure.Copy !req
100. And I'll see you folks
tonight for bridge?Copy !req
101. My wife needs
a few tips first.Copy !req
102. She needs some instructions
on how to be a dummy.Copy !req
103. - Bye, Roger.
- Bye.Copy !req
104. Say, I like what you've done
with the rumpus room.Copy !req
105. - Thanks. But my idea
carried further along— - Mm-hmm.Copy !req
106. Please get us
some coffee, Carol.Copy !req
107. Yes.Copy !req
108. And a carload of hay
for Mr. Ed.Copy !req
109. As I was saying
about the rumpus room...Copy !req
110. Wilbur, will you
stop harping on Kay?Copy !req
111. I think her idea was very good
about putting Mr. Ed to work.Copy !req
112. Now please open
that bridge table.Copy !req
113. The Addisons
will be here any minute.Copy !req
114. You know, the next time
we agree on something,Copy !req
115. I wish you would stick to it.Copy !req
116. I thought I was
doing you a favor.Copy !req
117. Well, you weren't.Copy !req
118. Honey, I still say
there's nothing wrongCopy !req
119. in Mr. Ed paying his way.Copy !req
120. Fine.
Ed makes a few dollarsCopy !req
121. and Briggs knocks a few hundred
off the price of my plans.Copy !req
122. You're just being stubborn.Copy !req
123. I don't think so.Copy !req
124. Before we were married,
you agreedCopy !req
125. that I would make
all the decisionsCopy !req
126. about money in this family.Copy !req
127. All right,
from now on you can.Copy !req
128. Fine.Copy !req
129. Would you put that
in writing?Copy !req
130. No.Copy !req
131. I knew you didn't mean it.Copy !req
132. Wilbur, you're just being
impossible tonight.Copy !req
133. You started it.Copy !req
134. You're always
listening to Kay.Copy !req
135. Ooh!Copy !req
136. You and your arguments.Copy !req
137. This is all your fault.Copy !req
138. I didn't know what I was doing,
and you made me do it.Copy !req
139. I'm blamed for everything
around here.Copy !req
140. Copy !req
141. Look, now,Copy !req
142. let's try to be civil
while the Addisons are here.Copy !req
143. Let's not show them
how happy we are.Copy !req
144. Yes, dear.Copy !req
145. Now, Kay, I want you
to promise meCopy !req
146. that you won't interfere
in their lives again.Copy !req
147. I did not interfere.Copy !req
148. Why do you have to make
the whole world miserable?Copy !req
149. I'm married to you.
Let's keep it in the family.Copy !req
150. Boy, are you stuffy.Copy !req
151. - Oh, hello, Carol.
- Hi. Come on in.Copy !req
152. Come, darling.Copy !req
153. Hello, Kay.Copy !req
154. Hello, Wilbur.
Bridge, bridge, bridge.Copy !req
155. - You look beautiful.
- Well, thank you.Copy !req
156. Roger.
Well, what would you like?Copy !req
157. What would I like?
The usual.Copy !req
158. What would you like,
sweetheart?Copy !req
159. Nothing for me, darling.Copy !req
160. Nothing for me,
either, sweetheart.Copy !req
161. Wilbur, why are you limping?Copy !req
162. Oh, it's not easy
to open a bridge table.Copy !req
163. Is it, honey?Copy !req
164. No, sweetheart.Copy !req
165. Addison, one leg
is a little crooked.Copy !req
166. I knew that
when I married you.Copy !req
167. Nut.Copy !req
168. What did you say, dear?Copy !req
169. Have a nut?Copy !req
170. No, thank you, sweetheart.Copy !req
171. I'll fix the table, Kay.Copy !req
172. Copy !req
173. - Roger?
- Thank you.Copy !req
174. Magazines ought
to balance it.Copy !req
175. - There we are.
- Pardon me.Copy !req
176. Oh, Roger,Copy !req
177. why don't you sit here
facing your wife,Copy !req
178. and I'll sit here
facing my wife?Copy !req
179. There we are.Copy !req
180. Cut for deal?Copy !req
181. Darling, the table
is still wobbly.Copy !req
182. Addison, will you fix it?Copy !req
183. Your wish is my command,
dear heart.Copy !req
184. - Shall we cut?
- Yes.Copy !req
185. Thank you.Copy !req
186. Look what you've done,Copy !req
187. you clumsy...Copy !req
188. doll.Copy !req
189. It was an accident,
sweetheart.Copy !req
190. Don't blame him, Kay.Copy !req
191. I told Wilbur the table
was still wobbly.Copy !req
192. Oh, I'd better change.Copy !req
193. Maybe we could play
some other night.Copy !req
194. Yes, perhaps tomorrow night.Copy !req
195. Darling, be careful.Copy !req
196. I don't want you
to catch cold outside.Copy !req
197. You spilled that drink
on purpose, you lummox!Copy !req
198. What a stupid remark to make.Copy !req
199. Are you calling me stupid?Copy !req
200. You called me
a nut in there, and I warn you—Copy !req
201. You'd better put on
my coat, darling.Copy !req
202. Kay, you forgot your bag.Copy !req
203. Oh. Thank you, Wilbur.Copy !req
204. Well, good night again.Copy !req
205. - Good night.
- Good night, Wilbur.Copy !req
206. Good night, Roger.Copy !req
207. Copy !req
208. I hope you're satisfied.Copy !req
209. You ruined my whole evening.Copy !req
210. If it weren't
for that darn horse,Copy !req
211. we wouldn't even be arguing.Copy !req
212. Honey, what's happening to us?Copy !req
213. What are we arguing about?Copy !req
214. Don't you know
that I love you?Copy !req
215. Don't you know
that I love you?Copy !req
216. Then what are we arguing about?Copy !req
217. A silly thing like
putting Mr. Ed to work.Copy !req
218. That's silly.Copy !req
219. He doesn't have to work.Copy !req
220. And give me one good reason
why he shouldn't.Copy !req
221. Because I make enough moneyCopy !req
222. to support a wife
and a horse.Copy !req
223. When we got married,
it should have been a three-ring ceremony.Copy !req
224. Oh, that's ridiculous.Copy !req
225. A horse wearing a ring.Copy !req
226. Hello. Information?Copy !req
227. I'd like the number
of Fred Briggs in Beverly Hills.Copy !req
228. Whatever happened
to "Good morning"?Copy !req
229. Oh. Carol and I had
a few words again last night.Copy !req
230. Copy !req
231. - Well...
- Excuse me, Ed.Copy !req
232. Hello.Copy !req
233. Wilbur, my secretary
just gave me your message.Copy !req
234. We'll pick up your horse
tomorrow morning at 6.Copy !req
235. My horse?Copy !req
236. But... listen, Fred—Copy !req
237. No, don't bother
to thank me, Wilbur.Copy !req
238. It was a pleasure.Copy !req
239. I must get back on the set.
Good-bye.Copy !req
240. That was Fred Briggs.Copy !req
241. Carol went
behind my back again.Copy !req
242. She didn't call.Copy !req
243. I called.Copy !req
244. You?Copy !req
245. That's right.Copy !req
246. But I thought you didn't
want to go to work.Copy !req
247. Changed my mind.Copy !req
248. You're just trying to keep
peace in the family, aren't you?Copy !req
249. Please, don't slobber over me.Copy !req
250. I'm going to tell Carol.Copy !req
251. Honey.Copy !req
252. Honey, I've decided
to send Ed to work.Copy !req
253. Oh, Wilbur!Copy !req
254. You're such
a wonderful husband!Copy !req
255. Hey. Honey.Copy !req
256. Don't talk.
Just kiss me.Copy !req
257. I will if you'll stop
sponging me.Copy !req
258. Uhh!Copy !req
259. Now I know how Kay feltCopy !req
260. when Roger spilled
the drink on her.Copy !req
261. I feel so terrible about that.Copy !req
262. Here we've made up,
and they're still not talkingCopy !req
263. all on account of us.Copy !req
264. Maybe we should go
and try to get them together.Copy !req
265. Oh, let's!
Honey, you're so thoughtful.Copy !req
266. No!Copy !req
267. Lucky for me we didn't make up
while you were slicing bread.Copy !req
268. Is this the only dirty spot
in the house— under my legs?Copy !req
269. Don't talk to me.Copy !req
270. Ah... Ah... Ah...Copy !req
271. Ah-choo!Copy !req
272. Do you intend to strike me?Copy !req
273. I sneezed.Copy !req
274. You could've said
"Gesundheit."Copy !req
275. But you just gave me
specific instructions not to talk to you.Copy !req
276. Still, you could be civil.Copy !req
277. When one of us sneezes,Copy !req
278. the other should say
"Gesundheit."Copy !req
279. Forgive me, my dear.Copy !req
280. I've forgotten
the rules of war.Copy !req
281. In the nine years
we've been married, I—Copy !req
282. 19 years.Copy !req
283. I don't count the ten years
we weren't speaking.Copy !req
284. Now, paper, please.Copy !req
285. Copy !req
286. Well, I see the rules
have just been amended.Copy !req
287. Copy !req
288. Aren't you going
to answer the door?Copy !req
289. Not until you gesundheit me.Copy !req
290. Good morning.Copy !req
291. Well, this is
a pleasant surprise.Copy !req
292. Hi, Carol.
Hello, Wilbur.Copy !req
293. Hello, Kay.Copy !req
294. Hi, Roger.Copy !req
295. Have you made up yet?Copy !req
296. Nice to see a friendly face
around here.Copy !req
297. Well, we just dropped by
to tell you Ed's going to work.Copy !req
298. - Well.
- He starts that picture tomorrow.Copy !req
299. - Good.
- What made you change your mind?Copy !req
300. I didn't want Carol
to be unhappy.Copy !req
301. We just feel awful
when we're not talking.Copy !req
302. Gesundheit, my dear.Copy !req
303. And gesundheit to you, doll.Copy !req
304. All right,
this is a run-through, everybody.Copy !req
305. Get set, Brannigan.Copy !req
306. Uh-oh.Copy !req
307. Ready, Charles?Copy !req
308. All right. Roll 'em.Copy !req
309. Roll 'em!Copy !req
310. Okay... action.Copy !req
311. Okay, action.Copy !req
312. Copy !req
313. Well, where's the horse?Copy !req
314. Hmm.Copy !req
315. Get that horse
back where he belongs.Copy !req
316. Right away, Mr. Briggs.Copy !req
317. All right,
let's try it again.Copy !req
318. Okay. Ready, Brannigan?Copy !req
319. - Ready!
- Charles?Copy !req
320. - All right, roll 'em.
- Roll 'em!Copy !req
321. - Okay, action.
- Action.Copy !req
322. Copy !req
323. Cut! Cut! Cut!
What's with that horse?Copy !req
324. Maybe those gunshots
are scaring him, Mr. Briggs.Copy !req
325. Well, they could be.
Bring him back.Copy !req
326. - Yes, sir.
- Brannigan...Copy !req
327. don't fire your gun this time.Copy !req
328. We can put in the shots later.Copy !req
329. - That's very good
thinking, Mr. Briggs. - Thank you.Copy !req
330. Don't mention it, sir.Copy !req
331. All right, let's go!Copy !req
332. Charles?Copy !req
333. - All right, roll 'em.
- Roll 'em!Copy !req
334. - Action.
- Action.Copy !req
335. Lunch, everybody.Copy !req
336. Who told you to call lunch?Copy !req
337. I didn't say anything,
Mr. Briggs.Copy !req
338. It must've been
that same wise guy again.Copy !req
339. All right, everybody.
Take a five-minute break.Copy !req
340. All right, everybody!
Five minutes!Copy !req
341. Five minutes, everybody!Copy !req
342. Hi, Fred.
How's my horse doing?Copy !req
343. Well, we've had
our share of trouble.Copy !req
344. What's he doing over there?Copy !req
345. I'll get him away.Copy !req
346. Come on, Ed.Copy !req
347. How's it going, Ed?Copy !req
348. I'm quitting.Copy !req
349. Get my unemployment
insurance.Copy !req
350. What's the matter?Copy !req
351. They want me to carryCopy !req
352. a 250-pound cowboy
on my back.Copy !req
353. I'll be bowlegged
in two days.Copy !req
354. Uh-oh. Here comes
hot lips again.Copy !req
355. Isn't this Daphne,
the star of this picture?Copy !req
356. Blow, honey.
I'm not interested.Copy !req
357. Well, Ed. easy.Copy !req
358. She's worth a fortune.Copy !req
359. When I marry...Copy !req
360. it'll be for love,
not money.Copy !req
361. Oh. Is Daphne here
with this horse again?Copy !req
362. George, I thought
I told you to get her ready.Copy !req
363. I'm sorry, Mr. Briggs.
Come on, Daphne.Copy !req
364. Now, uh...Copy !req
365. Fred, maybe Ed isn't
cut out for movies.Copy !req
366. - You want me
to take him home? - I'm glad you asked me.Copy !req
367. Frankly, I don't think
your animal is too bright.Copy !req
368. Now, he's a little bit nervous.Copy !req
369. You see, this is his first time
in front of a camera.Copy !req
370. Incidentally, I have
the revised sketchesCopy !req
371. - for the beach house
whenever you have time. - Oh, good.Copy !req
372. I'll drop around when I'm free.Copy !req
373. Okay, everybody, let's go!Copy !req
374. Lunch!Copy !req
375. Copy !req
376. Here you are.
Fresh coffee.Copy !req
377. Thanks. Sweetie,
how long will Mr. Ed be in that picture?Copy !req
378. Mmm, about six weeks.Copy !req
379. Wouldn't it be wonderful
if he became famous?Copy !req
380. Oh, I can see your horse now,Copy !req
381. walking down
Hollywood Boulevard,Copy !req
382. wearing dark glasses,
signing autographs.Copy !req
383. Hmm. What an imagination.Copy !req
384. Carol, honey, do you thinkCopy !req
385. it would be possible
for Wilbur to get us passes to watch him at the studio?Copy !req
386. Why go to all that trouble?
Just turn your head and look.Copy !req
387. Wilbur, what's he doing home?Copy !req
388. Honey, it just didn't work out.Copy !req
389. Excuse me.Copy !req
390. Well, why?
What— What happened?Copy !req
391. Well, they were working him
pretty hard,Copy !req
392. and Ed was unhappy.Copy !req
393. Unhappy?Copy !req
394. If you ask me,
you never wanted that horseCopy !req
395. to go to work
in the first place.Copy !req
396. Uh, look,
I never butt in, but I—Copy !req
397. - Gesundheit, sweetheart.
- I didn't sneeze.Copy !req
398. You can do it in the house.
Come on.Copy !req
399. So, you went back on your word.Copy !req
400. Honey.Copy !req
401. Copy !req
402. Come in.Copy !req
403. - Oh.
- Hello, Wilbur.Copy !req
404. Fred. Come on in.Copy !req
405. Thanks.Copy !req
406. Sit down, Fred.Copy !req
407. No. No, thank you.Copy !req
408. What's the matter?Copy !req
409. I may have to cancel my plansCopy !req
410. for the beach house.Copy !req
411. Oh? Why? What happened?Copy !req
412. It looks as though
I may have to stop production on my picture.Copy !req
413. Daphne suddenly got sick.Copy !req
414. Sick? Oh, that's funny.Copy !req
415. She seemed
all right yesterday.Copy !req
416. That's just it.Copy !req
417. The vet can't seem to find
anything wrong with her.Copy !req
418. - She just mopes around.Copy !req
419. Fred, I— I have a hunch
what might be wrong with Daphne.Copy !req
420. You have? What?Copy !req
421. I think she's got
a crush on my horse.Copy !req
422. Is that possible?Copy !req
423. I mean with horses?Copy !req
424. You heard about
the birds and the bees.Copy !req
425. Well, the horses
are in on it, too.Copy !req
426. Wait a minute.Copy !req
427. Daphne was hanging
around your horse all day yesterday.Copy !req
428. Maybe you're right.Copy !req
429. Can I get him
back on the picture?Copy !req
430. Well, uh...
do I finish my plans?Copy !req
431. Well, yeah. Sure.
You got yourself a house.Copy !req
432. You got yourself a horse.Copy !req
433. Copy !req
434. Oh, may I use your phone?Copy !req
435. Right behind you.Copy !req
436. Copy !req
437. Hello, Mabel.
Is George around?Copy !req
438. Yes, I'll wait.Copy !req
439. Uh, Fred, there are
a few little conditionsCopy !req
440. that you'll have to meet.Copy !req
441. - You want more money?
- No, no, no.Copy !req
442. It's about
that 6 a.m. schedule.Copy !req
443. My horse
likes to sleep late.Copy !req
444. Okay. We'll make it 7.Copy !req
445. - Better make it 8.
- 8?Copy !req
446. I mean 9.Copy !req
447. Okay. 9.Copy !req
448. And no heavy cowboys on Ed.Copy !req
449. Maybe up to...
oh, 110 pounds?Copy !req
450. But no heavier.Copy !req
451. About lunches—
he likes plenty of carrots.Copy !req
452. Not the green part.
Cut that off.Copy !req
453. Wilbur, doesn't Mr. Ed
look handsome standing there?Copy !req
454. - He sure does.
- Okay, Charles.Copy !req
455. Excuse me, honey.Copy !req
456. All right.
Places, everybody.Copy !req
457. Places, everybody!Copy !req
458. Fred, did you make
that little changeCopy !req
459. in the script
the way we discussed?Copy !req
460. Yes. Yes.Copy !req
461. Okay, let's have a run-through.Copy !req
462. Run-through!Copy !req
463. Places, everybody!Copy !req
464. - Action.
- Action.Copy !req
465. Copy !req
466. Copy !req
467. Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CACopy !req
468. This has been a Filmways Television presentation.Copy !req