1. Copy !req
2. Hello. I'm Mister Ed.Copy !req
3. Morning, Wilbur.Copy !req
4. Ed. Isn't this
a beautiful morning?Copy !req
5. - Only for people.
- What are you so grouchy about?Copy !req
6. Didn't sleep a wink last night.Copy !req
7. - What kept you up?
- The smoke from your barbecue.Copy !req
8. - It bothered you, huh?
- No.Copy !req
9. That's too bad. Still,
we gotta use the barbecue.Copy !req
10. - Wanna bet?Copy !req
11. - Hello.
- Wilbur?Copy !req
12. It's that fussy
Mr. Goodwin again.Copy !req
13. Thanks, Ed.
Good morning, Mr. Goodwin.Copy !req
14. Wilbur, I've been thinking,Copy !req
15. it might be a good idea
to put the fireplace in the den after all.Copy !req
16. Fine. But yesterday,
you told me that—Copy !req
17. I changed my mind.Copy !req
18. My wife wants the fireplace.Copy !req
19. All right.
It's your money, Mr. Goodwin.Copy !req
20. Good-bye.Copy !req
21. That Goodwin.
His wife says one thing, he jumps.Copy !req
22. - Wilbur!
- Coming, honey!Copy !req
23. - Hey, Wilbur.
- Yeah?Copy !req
24. You're not
a bad jumper yourself.Copy !req
25. Very funny.Copy !req
26. One morning—
Just one morningCopy !req
27. I'd like to see go past
without trouble from that mischievous horse!Copy !req
28. Honey, you can't blame
Mister Ed for everything.Copy !req
29. I mean, this could've been done
by a stray cat.Copy !req
30. Well, it must've been some catCopy !req
31. to kick over a barbecue
and leave hoofprints all over it.Copy !req
32. Wilbur, that horse
is becoming destructive.Copy !req
33. Maybe we ought
to get rid of him.Copy !req
34. Well, honey,
you can't blame Ed.Copy !req
35. I mean, maybe the smoke
kept him awake all night.Copy !req
36. He said it gave him quite...Copy !req
37. I mean, you could tell
by his cough.Copy !req
38. Wilbur, you never rideeS him.Copy !req
39. He doesn't do any work for us.Copy !req
40. Why are we keeping him?Copy !req
41. Well, he— he came
with the house.Copy !req
42. Oh, I suppose if termites
came with the house,Copy !req
43. you'd wanna keep them, too.Copy !req
44. Only the friendly ones.Copy !req
45. If you must keep him,
at least tie him upCopy !req
46. so he won't go wandering
about the place destroying things.Copy !req
47. I'll do it right now.Copy !req
48. Now, Ed, look,
I just saw that barbecue.Copy !req
49. - Uh-oh.
- I'm gonna have to tie you up.Copy !req
50. But that's slavery.
You know, we fought a war—Copy !req
51. Ed, please.Copy !req
52. - "Four score and seven"--Copy !req
53. Well, it's about time
you got a little sunshine.Copy !req
54. Wilbur, have you tied
Mister Ed up yet?Copy !req
55. Hmm? What a silly question.Copy !req
56. How's your vegetable garden
doing, honey?Copy !req
57. Oh, honey,
I'm so thrilled with it.Copy !req
58. Just imagine, I put a little
seed in the ground,Copy !req
59. and up come
those beautiful tomatoes.Copy !req
60. - It's a miracle of nature.
- Yeah?Copy !req
61. Especially when
you planted radishes.Copy !req
62. No kidding. That garden
has cost me $62.Copy !req
63. Don't you think that you could
whip up a couple of those tomatoes in a salad tonight?Copy !req
64. - Eat my tomatoes?
- Well, honey,Copy !req
65. don't look at me
as though I were a cannibal.Copy !req
66. - We've got to
eat them sometime. - Well, Wilbur,Copy !req
67. let's not eat those tomatoes
just yet, huh?Copy !req
68. What are you gonna do,
make lamps out of them?Copy !req
69. Copy !req
70. Whatcha thinking about, honey?Copy !req
71. My spring onion.Copy !req
72. It should've been up by now.
What do you think it needs?Copy !req
73. - Another spring onion.
- Ohh!Copy !req
74. You know, this garden here
has cost me a fortune.Copy !req
75. What do you got to show for it?
Three radishes, four tomatoesCopy !req
76. and a spring onion
that can't make up its mind.Copy !req
77. You're a big help.Copy !req
78. Sweetie, scratch my back.Copy !req
79. - Hi, Luther Burbank.
- Hi, Kay.Copy !req
80. Guess what?
Addison's surprising me with a gorgeous mink stole.Copy !req
81. - Oh, what's the occasion?
- My anniversary.Copy !req
82. - Is it today?
- Well, not exactly.Copy !req
83. - It's eight months from now.
- Eight months?Copy !req
84. As a matter of fact,
he doesn't even know he's buying me the stole.Copy !req
85. That's the surprise.Copy !req
86. Yes. Come on downtown with me
and help me pick it out.Copy !req
87. Kay, can we go a little later
this afternoon?Copy !req
88. - Oh, I have to finish
shopping by 3:00. - Why 3:00?Copy !req
89. By that time,
the banks are closed, and my husband's helpless.Copy !req
90. Come on. Put that thing down.
Hurry up.Copy !req
91. Hello, Roger.
How are you today?Copy !req
92. Not so good.Copy !req
93. During the night,
someone demolished my barbecue.Copy !req
94. I understand
there's been a stray cat around the neighborhood.Copy !req
95. - A stray dog?
- Try old plug.Copy !req
96. Copy !req
97. I'm awfully sorry
about your barbecue, Roger.Copy !req
98. Copy !req
99. I'll take it.Copy !req
100. Hello?Copy !req
101. Yes, he's here.
Just a minute.Copy !req
102. - It's your wife.
- My wife?Copy !req
103. Oh, thanks. Yes, Kay?Copy !req
104. Are you wearing your sweater,
darling?Copy !req
105. Yes, I am.Copy !req
106. Keep it buttoned.Copy !req
107. I don't want you catching cold,
puddin' pie.Copy !req
108. "Puddin' pie."
She's setting me up for something.Copy !req
109. I can feel it in my wallet.Copy !req
110. Just because a wife
is nice to her husband doesn't mean she wants anything.Copy !req
111. Post, how long
have you been married?Copy !req
112. - Three years.
- I put in 21 years.Copy !req
113. Take my advice.
When your wife begins to act unnaturally kind,Copy !req
114. kiss her,
but don't take your hands out of your pockets.Copy !req
115. Roger, did it ever occur to you
that Kay is being nice to you because she loves you?Copy !req
116. Copy !req
117. That horse seems to have
more sense than you have.Copy !req
118. But in the future, just keep him
away from my house.Copy !req
119. Ed, I'm ashamed of you.Copy !req
120. Why did you destroy
our neighbor's barbecue?Copy !req
121. Well, what have you got
to say for yourself?Copy !req
122. I'm not saying a word
till I hear from my lawyer.Copy !req
123. Well, I'm gonna lock you
in your stall until you've learned your lesson.Copy !req
124. No. I've got a better idea.Copy !req
125. You're gonna go
without your lunch today.Copy !req
126. Well, aren't you
gonna say anything?Copy !req
127. Crime doesn't pay.Copy !req
128. Go without my lunch?Copy !req
129. Not while there's a garden
full of vegetables.Copy !req
130. Hey, Ed! What are you doing?Copy !req
131. Uh-oh. Caught with
my plants down.Copy !req
132. No!Copy !req
133. Mister Ed, Carol's garden
is completely ruined!Copy !req
134. Those crows will eat anything.Copy !req
135. - It was you who ate them.
- Me?Copy !req
136. Then whose hoofprints
are those?Copy !req
137. So far, that's
pretty flimsy evidence.Copy !req
138. - Why did you do it, Ed?
- You took away my oats.Copy !req
139. I was hungry.Copy !req
140. When Carol finds out
you've wrecked her garden,Copy !req
141. she'll insist
on getting rid of you.Copy !req
142. - What are you gonna do
about it, Wilbur? - Me?Copy !req
143. You could cover up
for an old pal.Copy !req
144. What do you suggest?Copy !req
145. Run down to the market,Copy !req
146. buy a few vegetables
to stick back into the ground.Copy !req
147. - That's pretty sneaky.
- Yeah. I thought you'd like it.Copy !req
148. I'll give it a try.Copy !req
149. Why do I do these things
for you?Copy !req
150. Because we like each other.Copy !req
151. Ed.Copy !req
152. - Get going.
- Yeah.Copy !req
153. Boy, I got out of that one
pretty neatly.Copy !req
154. Copy !req
155. Oh. Hi, Roger.Copy !req
156. Hello, Wilbur.Copy !req
157. Don't tell me you're planting
vegetables in the hope seeds will come up?Copy !req
158. Uh, if you'll excuse me,
I'm in a jam.Copy !req
159. Have you seen my wife?
She and my checkbook seemed to have gone out together.Copy !req
160. Well, I think she went shopping
with my wife.Copy !req
161. Then she'll be returning soon.Copy !req
162. Yeah, the banks
have just closed.Copy !req
163. Wilbur, I don't think
you're well.Copy !req
164. Copy !req
165. Ed, she's here!Copy !req
166. Thanks, Carol.Copy !req
167. It's a lovely stole, Kay,Copy !req
168. and I know you'll look
just beautiful in it.Copy !req
169. Well, I hope Addison
will think so.Copy !req
170. When are you going
to show it to him?Copy !req
171. I may have to
break it to him gently.Copy !req
172. Maybe I'll just wear the box
for a couple of days.Copy !req
173. Thanks a lot, Carol,
for going with me.Copy !req
174. Well, happy anniversary,
whenever it is.Copy !req
175. - Kay.
- Hmm?Copy !req
176. Good luck.Copy !req
177. I'll need it.Copy !req
178. Uh-oh. Here she comes.Copy !req
179. Relax, Wilbur.Copy !req
180. We have nothing to fear
but fear itself.Copy !req
181. Yeah.Copy !req
182. Oh! Ohhh!Copy !req
183. - Hello, Wilbur.
- Carol. Hello, darling.Copy !req
184. - Sweetheart.
- My, what have we here?Copy !req
185. Don't you recognize the vegetables from my garden?Copy !req
186. - Yes. They're beautiful.
- Aren't they?Copy !req
187. You know, this is the most
amazing tomato I ever grew.Copy !req
188. - Really?
- Mm-hmm. It grew without a stem,Copy !req
189. upside down and all tied up.Copy !req
190. - Nature's wonderful.
- And just look at these radishes.Copy !req
191. Oh, those are lovely radishes.
You should win a prize with those.Copy !req
192. I should. You see,
I planted red radishes, and white ones came up.Copy !req
193. - Wilbur, what happened
to my beautiful garden? - Honey, it was an accident.Copy !req
194. It was that horse again!
And now don't you try to cover up for him!Copy !req
195. Dear, it was all my fault.
You see, I took his oats away, and he was very hungry.Copy !req
196. - He promised he'd never
do it again. - He promised?Copy !req
197. What I mean is, you could tell
by the look on his face that he was sorry.Copy !req
198. You're always alibiing for him!
Sometimes I think you love that horse more than you do me!Copy !req
199. - Now just a minute—
- And if he could cook, I'd be without a job!Copy !req
200. - You would not.
- Well, as far as I'm concerned,Copy !req
201. if you love that horse so much,
you can sleep in the barn with him!Copy !req
202. - Carol, you don't mean that.
- Oh, yes, I do.Copy !req
203. And for your sake,
I hope your friend doesn't snore.Copy !req
204. Carol!Copy !req
205. - Buddy boy?
- What do you want?Copy !req
206. So it won't be a total loss,Copy !req
207. pass me those vegetables, hmm?Copy !req
208. Hmm?Copy !req
209. Well, if Carol thinks
I'm gonna call her and apologize, she's mistaken.Copy !req
210. Uh, Wilbur,Copy !req
211. next time get my pizza pie
with anchovies.Copy !req
212. You know, just between
the two of us,Copy !req
213. Carol is perfectly justified
in being angry with you.Copy !req
214. You had no right
to eat her vegetables.Copy !req
215. Look who's talking.
You stuck those vegetables in the ground, not me.Copy !req
216. Copy !req
217. - I'll get it.
- Sit. I'll get it.Copy !req
218. Never mind.Copy !req
219. - Hello, honey.
- This is Mr. Goodwin again.Copy !req
220. Oh. All right.
I'll put the fireplace back, Mr. Goodwin.Copy !req
221. Good-bye.Copy !req
222. You know, maybe I ought
to call Carol.Copy !req
223. Wilbur.Copy !req
224. You're right.Copy !req
225. Any woman who would allow
her husband to sleep in a broken-down stable—Copy !req
226. Please, you're talking
about our home.Copy !req
227. - Come in, honey.Copy !req
228. Please, you're talking
to your next-door neighbor.Copy !req
229. - Somebody here?
- No. I was just talking to myself.Copy !req
230. Oh.Copy !req
231. I understand you're
going to be sleeping in the stable tonight.Copy !req
232. Oh, news gets around quick,
doesn't it?Copy !req
233. - Oh-ho-ho-ho!
- I've got work to do.Copy !req
234. Besides,
this isn't really a stable. This is my office.Copy !req
235. Oh, sure, sure.
And I see you've engaged a secretary to take shorthand.Copy !req
236. - Mister Ed.
- My boy, do you know where you made your first mistake?Copy !req
237. - Getting married?
- No. There's nothing wrong with marriage,Copy !req
238. provided there is
just one in the family who wears the pants.Copy !req
239. Copy !req
240. I'll take it.
Excuse me.Copy !req
241. - Hello, honey?
- Oh, no, Wilbur.Copy !req
242. This is Kay.
Is Addison there?Copy !req
243. Yes. Your pants is on the phone.Copy !req
244. Yes, dear?Copy !req
245. Doll, will you please
hurry home?Copy !req
246. I just baked a special cake
for you.Copy !req
247. I'll be there.Copy !req
248. Baked a cake, huh?Copy !req
249. She must've bought something
really expensive.Copy !req
250. If there's whipped cream
on it, I'm bankrupt.Copy !req
251. Just one more piece of cake,
Addison doll.Copy !req
252. Really, Kay,
three pieces are sufficient.Copy !req
253. Oh, but, Addison, I...Copy !req
254. Well, shall we have
the ice cream now or later?Copy !req
255. - Later.
- All right, sweets.Copy !req
256. Now let Mother make you comfy.Copy !req
257. Here, I'll put this nice pillow
behind you.Copy !req
258. Now lay back.
You've had a hard day.Copy !req
259. - Here's the evening paper
for you. - Thank you.Copy !req
260. - Isn't that nice?
- Nice.Copy !req
261. Now, just you relax, dear.Copy !req
262. Relax, dear.Copy !req
263. Copy !req
264. Copy !req
265. It goes back in the morning.Copy !req
266. You could at least look at it.Copy !req
267. Beautiful. It still goes back
in the morning.Copy !req
268. I'm keeping it.Copy !req
269. Oh. Is it going to be
one of those nights?Copy !req
270. Am I losing the ice cream, too?Copy !req
271. - I'm keeping the stole.
- Over my dead checkbook.Copy !req
272. Oh, now, Addison, be fair.Copy !req
273. Did I raise a fuss
when you went out last week and squandered a fortune?Copy !req
274. I bought a pair of socks for $2.Copy !req
275. Just answer my question.
Did I raise a fuss?Copy !req
276. That stole goes back
in the morning.Copy !req
277. If it does,
it will have to walk by itself.Copy !req
278. Are you going to let me have
some peace tonight,Copy !req
279. or must I find somewhere else
to stay?Copy !req
280. Say, Wilbur, is this animal
gonna sleep in here with us?Copy !req
281. Yeah. He's paid up
till the end of the month.Copy !req
282. Besides, maybe we can learn
a few things from him.Copy !req
283. He's the only one around here
who hasn't been kicked out by his wife.Copy !req
284. I'm afraid this couch
is too narrow for both of us.Copy !req
285. You know, I toss a little
in my sleep.Copy !req
286. Oh? I toss, too.Copy !req
287. Well, look, you take the couch.
I'll get something for myself from the patio.Copy !req
288. Wilbur, I'm sorry to put you
to so much trouble.Copy !req
289. Oh, forget it.
And look at it this way:Copy !req
290. You haven't lost a wife,
you've gained a stablemate.Copy !req
291. Copy !req
292. Stablemate.Copy !req
293. Well, you get those
with chop suey?Copy !req
294. They happen to be
a gift from Kay.Copy !req
295. - Is that what started
the fight? - No, our little tiffCopy !req
296. revolved around a mink stole
my dear wife purchased this afternoon.Copy !req
297. Oh. Is that why she was
buttering you up all day?Copy !req
298. This was more of
a lubrication job.Copy !req
299. Take heed, Post.
Females are tricky creatures.Copy !req
300. They don't have teeth but fangs,
not nails but claws,Copy !req
301. and instead of a heart,
a charger plate.Copy !req
302. If you feel
that way about women, why did you get married?Copy !req
303. Man does not live
by bread alone.Copy !req
304. Come on. Admit it.Copy !req
305. You know you're crazy
about your wife.Copy !req
306. Of course I am,
but I dare not tell her that.Copy !req
307. Destroy our entire relationship.Copy !req
308. I'm crazy about Carol, too.Copy !req
309. So why are we sleeping
in the barn?Copy !req
310. We are teaching them a lesson.Copy !req
311. Well, thank heaven
that sleeping pill is beginning to take effect.Copy !req
312. - Gesundheit.Copy !req
313. Oh, of all things.Copy !req
314. I'm allergic to hay.Copy !req
315. Gesundheit.Copy !req
316. IdThank you, Wilbur.Copy !req
317. You better cover up, boy.
You sound a little hoarse.Copy !req
318. Yeah. Good night.Copy !req
319. Copy !req
320. That stole still goes back
in the morning.Copy !req
321. Copy !req
322. Maybe I can help.Copy !req
323. Darling, I'm sor—
Oh, hi, Carol.Copy !req
324. I thought it was
my Diamond Jim Brady.Copy !req
325. - Do you mind if I come in, Kay?
- Glad to have you, honey.Copy !req
326. I was getting tired
talking to my mink.Copy !req
327. - Kay, I have something
to tell you. - Oh?Copy !req
328. Maybe we were wrong.Copy !req
329. Maybe we should tell them—
ask them to come home.Copy !req
330. - Well, I don't know, honey.Copy !req
331. - What was that?
- You think it could be prowlers?Copy !req
332. Louis, this joint looks like a pushover.Copy !req
333. But don't use the rods
unless you have to.Copy !req
334. Let's get out of here, quick.Copy !req
335. Wilbur! Wilbur!
Wilbur, wake up!Copy !req
336. - Wake up, Wilbur!
- What happened? What's wrong?Copy !req
337. - There are prowlers outside.
They're trying to rob our house. - Prowlers? Prowlers?Copy !req
338. Wake up, honey!
They're gonna rob the house!Copy !req
339. It still goes back
in the morning.Copy !req
340. Oh, dear.Copy !req
341. Be careful, darling.
They were right under that window.Copy !req
342. Hmm? There's nobody here but—Copy !req
343. but Ed.Copy !req
344. Why, they seem
to be gone, darling.Copy !req
345. Mister Ed must've
scared them away.Copy !req
346. - Mister Ed?
- Yeah. Pretty smart, huh?Copy !req
347. Smart? He's wonderful.Copy !req
348. You still want
to get rid of him?Copy !req
349. Oh, no, honey.
I'm so ashamed of myself.Copy !req
350. Believe me, if Ed could talk,
he'd forgive you.Copy !req
351. Come on, honey.Copy !req
352. It's nice of you
to drive me downtown, Wilbur. Kay is using my car.Copy !req
353. - That's all right.
- And I'm sorry I took that sleeping pill last nightCopy !req
354. and wasn't able to assist you
in that emergency.Copy !req
355. Oh, that's okay.Copy !req
356. I mean, there were only
four burglars, so I was able to handle it all right.Copy !req
357. - Four, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
358. - Well, where we going?
- To the fur shop.Copy !req
359. - Fur shop?
- I told you I wear the pants in my family.Copy !req
360. And this morning,
when I insisted on returningCopy !req
361. this mink stole, Kay gave it
to me without an argument.Copy !req
362. Oh, well, let's go.Copy !req
363. Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CACopy !req
364. This has been a Filmways television presentation.Copy !req