1. Well, don't you look cute.
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2. Oh, thanks.
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3. I hope you don't mind
I borrowed your jeans.
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4. Ugh, keep them. I bought them
like ten pounds ago.
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5. Tell Dad I'll be back
in about an hour.
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6. Hey, hey, we got a new mystery.
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7. Oh.
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8. Dad, what's on your face?
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9. Birthday cake.
I just ate a birthday cake.
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10. - Whose birthday is it?
- Nobody.
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11. They sell them
at the grocery store.
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12. You can get them
anytime you want,
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13. even if it's not your birthday.
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14. Okay. So, what's the mystery.
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15. Here, you read it.
I don't feel well,
I don't know why.
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16. All I had today
is a can of sardines
and a birthday cake,
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17. so it's not that.
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18. But my stomach does hurt.
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19. I bet it's that stress.
I've been under
so much stress lately.
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20. "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team.
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21. Please help me find
my beloved Perry.
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22. We've spent every day together
for the last 53 years.
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23. But then, Sunday morning,
we were enjoying our breakfast,
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24. and I looked up
and he was gone.
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25. Perry is quite old
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26. and I worry
he'll become disoriented
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27. and won't remember
where he lives.
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28. Please hurry.
Yours, very truly,
Miriam Shulwitz."
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29. Oh, that's terrible.
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30. She must be so worried
about her husband.
Okay, we should hurry.
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31. Wait, weren't— Weren't you
about to go somewhere?
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32. Well, yeah, but it can wait.
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33. I mean,
nothing's more important than
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34. finding some poor old man
with dementia.
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35. Yeah,
what about finding
some rich young gal
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36. with "Touch my Titties"
syndrome?
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37. I mean, I think that would be
more important.
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38. It would be
more important to me.
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39. Oh, thank goodness.
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40. I just know
you'll find my Perry.
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41. He must feel
so scared and alone.
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42. Come. Come inside.
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43. This way, this way.
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44. What is that smell?
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45. I'll tell you what it is.
It's old people.
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46. That smell is decades
of old people, literally.
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47. The air is filled with
tiny particles
of their old skin
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48. as it sloughs off
their old withered bodies.
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49. You're breathing them in,
they're inside of you.
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50. No different than if they'd
forced themselves on you
sexually.
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51. - Pigeon!
- Oh, she can't hear me.
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52. Here, here, right here.
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53. I was sitting here.
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54. I was having my juice
and a buttered egg.
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55. Ooh, what's a buttered egg?
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56. It's a poached egg.
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57. Then why did you call it
buttered egg?
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58. - What?
- Why did you call it
a buttered egg?
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59. - What?
Why did you call it
a buttered egg?
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60. - What?
- Oh, my God.
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61. Why did you call it
a buttered egg?
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62. What?
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63. Ah, shit, this is good.
This is so crazy.
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64. Ask her again, Mike.
Ask her again.
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65. Why did you call it
a buttered egg?
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66. Yes, for breakfast.
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67. And that's when
I looked up here.
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68. You see, I noticed that Perry
was not in his cage.
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69. And I had opened
the window here.
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70. You see, because the house
was warm that day
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71. and there was a smell.
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72. A musty smell.
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73. I don't know
what the smell was.
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74. So, I opened the window
and he must have flown away.
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75. Wait, wait.
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76. Perry's a bird?
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77. Perry's a parrot.
Perry the parrot?
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78. Oh, my God!
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79. What's that, little boy?
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80. You want a buttered egg?
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81. That seemed very unlike her.
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82. Or am I wrong?
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83. Was that very like her?
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84. I don't really know Yung.
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85. Yung. Yung.
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86. - What is going on?
- We rushed over here, Marquess,
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87. for a bird!
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88. - I mean, it's just a waste.
- Okay, now, now,
no mystery is a waste, Yung.
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89. I'm not talking about
the mystery.
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90. I'm talking about my life.
What am I doing?
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91. I'm 19. I'm not in college,
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92. - I have no friends.
- What?
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93. What about Cassie
from the episode
entitled "Spring Break"?
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94. - No, she got a boyfriend.
- Oh.
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95. I barely talk to her anymore.
I mean, that's another thing
I don't have.
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96. What? Wait, what about
that religious boy
from the episode...
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97. Oh, what was it called? No...
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98. It had Jerry Jones in it
as God.
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99. I don't know.
It had a crazy ending.
I don't like those.
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100. I like these character moments.
Hmm? Like this one?
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101. Do you wanna know
where I was going this morning?
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102. - Ah. Hmm.
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103. Mmm. Okay. No.
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104. Where were you going?
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105. - To interview for a job.
- Oh, my God, that's amazing.
What was the job?
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106. - Oh.
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107. - Do you need to get that?
- Mmm, no. No.
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108. - You know what?
Let me just, real quick...
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109. There, let me just...
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110. Okay. Okay. So you were...
Hmm, what were you...
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111. Oh, you were getting a job!
Okay, okay, here we go.
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112. You were getting a job.
That's great.
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113. It's nothing great.
It's just a store at the mall.
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114. I'm sure I wouldn't
have gotten it anyway
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115. 'cause I don't even have
any sales experience.
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116. I only know how to do this,
whatever the hell this is.
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117. - Like I'm—
- Yeah. Mmm. Okay.
Mmm. All right.
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118. Just— Just give me two secs.
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119. Who is that?
Who are you talking to?
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120. Oh, it's just this guy.
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121. He keeps DMing me.
It's nothing.
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122. - Oh. Oh!
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123. Oh, hello!
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124. Dick pic at 11:00
in the morning?
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125. How am I supposed to respond?
"Impressive"?
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126. Mmm, you know what?
Yeah, I'll write "impressive."
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127. Okay, back to you.
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128. You're in a crisis
and I am here for you.
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129. So, you wanna work at the mall.
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130. He wants to meet up.
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131. Oh, my God. He wants to meet up
and I'm on a mystery. Classic.
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132. We sit around for days
with no mysteries
and my phone doesn't ring,
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133. and then the second you get
a nice hard like this
on your phone,
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134. you're on a GD mystery.
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135. Hmm, okay,
so you were saying, Yung?
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136. - Never mind.
- Good, I wanna
get back to this guy.
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137. I don't get it.
This is just a poached egg.
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138. There's no butter taste at all.
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139. - No, no, I like it. I like it.
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140. It's buttery and delicious.
So buttery, so buttery.
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141. I just miss Perry so much.
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142. I can't have lost him.
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143. I just can't bear it.
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144. I mean, you understand.
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145. You brought your bird with you.
You love him so much.
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146. That's how I was with Perry.
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147. And Perry could talk.
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148. Does your bird talk?
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149. I've been talking
this whole time, you old bag!
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150. My Perry could make
all sorts of sounds.
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151. He could mimic anything.
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152. The phone ringing,
the faucet dripping,
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153. and people's voices
too!
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154. Oh, he would say things
my late husband, Albert,
used to say.
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155. And it would sound
exactly like him.
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156. It was such a comfort to me
after he passed.
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157. At least I could still hear
Albert's voice.
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158. But now,
I'll never hear it again.
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159. Don't worry, ma'am,
I'll find your bird.
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160. You don't happen to have
any butter, do you?
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161. For these dry, tasteless eggs?
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162. I mean,
this is madness!
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163. The bird got out!
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164. A bird, a flying bird!
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165. It is gone!
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166. No, not necessarily.
You don't fly away.
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167. That's because
you're very well-trained.
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168. But just to be sure,
we should clip your wings.
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169. Yung, you have
my nail clippers?
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170. I love Pigeon too much.
I don't want him getting away.
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171. I'd be like the old lady,
just crying all day.
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172. This is all just
so stupid and pointless.
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173. We've been wandering around
for hours.
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174. You know,
I'm going to the mall.
See if I can get that job.
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175. What do you mean, Yung?
You have a job.
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176. You're the vice president
of the Mike Tyson Mystery Team.
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177. Wait, you told me
I was the vice president.
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178. Oh, that's right.
Yung's the secretary
because she's a girl.
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179. Can I have
the car keys, please?
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180. You know what? Why don't
we all just go with you.
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181. We could use a break,
and I could use
a weiner on a stick.
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182. Oh, yeah? You're sure
you don't want one
in the.
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183. you.
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184. And I do want one.
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185. And I'm gonna get one,
and it's this one.
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186. Whoa! Impressive!
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187. I got the job! They want me
to start training right away.
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188. - What's in there?
- It's a new parrot.
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189. We're gonna give it
to that old lady
and say it's her old parrot.
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190. And by the time she notices,
we'll have cashed the check.
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191. Since when do we charge
for mysteries?
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192. Since I became treasurer
of the Mike Tyson Mystery Team.
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193. Oh, damn, she died.
Now we'll never get that check.
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194. Michael, she's sleeping.
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195. Let's just put this parrot
in the cage.
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196. Oh, for Christ's sake,
the bird's right here.
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197. Oh, for Christ's sake,
the bird's right here.
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198. Now the thing with the sweaters
is you can't hang them,
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199. they have to be folded.
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200. Okay, I can do that.
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201. This is basically
all you'll be doing,
all day long,
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202. every day you're here.
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203. Girls come in
and they mess it up,
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204. and you have to do it again.
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205. And Tracy the manager
is such a bitch,
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206. that sometimes
she'll mess them up
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207. just to make you do it again.
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208. There's literally
no worse job than this.
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209. And I heard about this guy,
I think it's in Mexico,
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210. and his job is
to go down in the sewer,
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211. in like an old timey
deep sea diving outfit,
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212. and he's just like,
swimming in shit,
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213. and sometimes
he finds dead bodies.
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214. But at least he doesn't
work for Tracy.
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215. - Close the window, Marquess.
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216. Close the window, Marquess.
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217. Close the window, Marquess.
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218. I love you, Miriam.
I love you, Miriam.
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219. Aw, that must be him
doing her late husband,
Albert's voice.
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220. - That is so touching.
- Where did you get
that gun, Miriam?
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221. Wait, why are you
pointing it at me?
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222. - I'm your husband!
- Oh, damn.
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223. I'm your husband.
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224. Oh, you murdered me.
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225. Why?
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226. Why, Miriam, why?
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227. For the insurance money.
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228. Thanks for the ride.
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229. Hey, turn around, will you?
That's my dad's van.
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230. What are they still doing here?
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231. Pull that rug back.
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232. Now open the cellar door.
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233. Ooh, that's convenient.
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234. Lots of rooms
in the western United States
don't have basements.
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235. Now get down in there.
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236. I'm gonna shoot you dead
just like I did Albert.
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237. - Dad?
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238. - Hey!
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239. Oh, damn,
I was gonna return that.
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240. Hey, Jennifer,
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241. will you let Tracy know that
I won't be at work tomorrow?
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242. I forgot I already have a job.
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243. I'm the secretary
of the Mike Tyson Mystery Team!
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