1. Here you go.
Uh, utensils and napkins
are in the bag.
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2. Thank you.
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3. Tuna melt, that's Yung.
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4. Hawaiian burger
for you, Mr. Bird.
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5. Mr. Bird?
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6. That's not your name?
It's something Bird, right?
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7. Hold up, where the (BLEEP)
is my food?
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8. Did they forget
my three-meat plate?
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9. I can't not have
my three-meat plate.
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10. It's a special.
They don't always have it.
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11. And you don't know
what the three meats are.
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12. And that's what
makes it great.
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13. What if today was chicken,
beef and penguin?
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14. Or penguin, beef and caribou?
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15. Or just beef, caribou,
penguin, and one more?
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16. And now I'll never know
because they forgot
my three-meat plate.
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17. Well, run outside.
Maybe you can still
catch the guy.
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18. Sir! Sir! Hey, hold up.
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19. I couldn't catch him,
but it's okay.
I'll just have cereal.
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20. Hey, hey, hey, everybody!
You got a new mystery.
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21. Oh, damn.
You ordered from Ted's Grill!
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22. Did you guys get my usual,
the five-fish platter?
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23. We did not
order anything for you,
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24. because no one
thought about you.
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25. Now, give me that mystery.
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26. "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery team,
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27. "I am seven-and-a-half
years old.
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28. "I made a wish on an eyelash
and it didn't come true." Ha!
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29. "Please help, Margaret Moses."
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30. Huh. Go (BLEEP) yourself,
Margaret Moses.
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31. Who's Margaret Moses,
and why is she gonna
(BLEEP) herself?
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32. They forgot the pineapple!
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33. That's what makes
it a (BLEEP) Hawaiian burger!
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34. No, she's a sweet little girl
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35. who thinks if you make
a wish on an eyelash,
it'll come true.
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36. She's right. It works for me
every single time.
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37. That's how come
all of you are here.
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38. - What?
- Yeah. One day I had
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39. an eyelash come out
and I wished for
an Asian baby.
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40. Next day,
Yung was on my doorstep.
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41. Then another eyelash
came out and I wished for
a live-in maid.
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42. And the next day,
poof, I got Marquess.
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43. A few weeks later,
another eyelash came out,
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44. I wished to meet my favorite
Looney Tunes character,
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45. Tweety bird,
and here is Tweety bird.
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46. Oh, I knew it was
something-bird,
it's Tweety bird.
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47. Now, let's go help
little Margaret Moses
get her wish.
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48. Ugh. I bet
poor little Margaret's wish
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49. was get the hell out of
this shithole...
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50. (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Oh! Hi.
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51. Oh, we were just
admiring your home!
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52. Yeah! Oh, this home is...
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53. Oh, it's...
Oh, it's so, it's...
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54. Well, it's you know,
it is, um, well,
it's just absolute...
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55. All these wires,
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56. and the trash,
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57. the tires, oh. Mmm-hmm.
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58. Yeah, this is so...
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59. Ugh. Quit wasting
everyone's time, Margaret.
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60. - Tell them
what you wished for.
- I can't.
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61. You told me
if you say your wish,
it won't come true.
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62. I probably just you told that
to shut you up!
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63. Look, if wishes came true,
you think I'd be living
in this hellhole?
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64. You know how many times
I wished I was a singer,
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65. and everyone knew my songs,
and knew who I was,
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66. and that I mattered
in this world?
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67. Uh-oh. You just said
your wish out loud.
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68. Now your wish
will never come true.
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69. You'll be stuck here forever
doing whatever job
is your job.
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70. Oh. Uh...
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71. It's fine, come on in.
You can head on back
to the bedroom.
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72. I'll be there in a second.
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73. (SNIFFLES) If you'll
excuse me, I have a client.
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74. Margaret, there's
chicken nuggets in the freezer
if you're hungry.
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75. Oh, the mom
is a trailer park whore.
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76. That old situation.
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77. Pigeon! Don't worry, Margaret.
It's all gonna be okay.
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78. I promise you,
we will make sure
your wish comes true.
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79. Marquess, don't
promise her that.
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80. We don't even know
what she wished for.
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81. We don't need to know.
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82. We just need to go
to the Wishing Well.
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83. - The Wishing Well?
- Yes.
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84. The Wishing Well
in Fantasy Forest.
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85. It's hard to find
because it's hidden
by the Bountiful Bush.
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86. - Hey, those are for me!
- Oh, really?
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87. Is that why it says
Tyson chicken nuggets?
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88. If it said Margaret Moses
chicken nuggets,
I wouldn't be eating them.
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89. But I probably would
because all I had today
was a bowl of cereal.
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90. - Marquess, slow down!
- I can't.
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91. The only way
to get to Fantasy Forest is
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92. to be going a hundred miles an
hour on a lonely highway
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93. when the clock
strikes midnight.
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94. That's not possible!
It's midnight.
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95. We were going
a hundred miles an hour
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96. on a lonely highway
at midnight.
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97. Oh, no. That clock is wrong.
It's still on
daylight savings time.
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98. I just don't know
how to change it.
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99. - So, it's 11:00?
- It's probably around 10:40,
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100. 10:43, 10:50, something,
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101. because the very first time
I was setting it, I was like,
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102. "Yung, what's the exact time
right now?"
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103. And she was like, "2:38."
Then I started setting it.
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104. You had to press
that button so many times.
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105. Then I finally get to 2:38,
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106. but I'm on a.m.
and I'm trying to get on p.m.
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107. So, by the time
I got the right 2:38 on there,
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108. it was around 2:50
or some shit.
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109. (YAWNS) I'm gonna
take a nap for a bit.
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110. I ate too many
of the delicious
Tyson chicken nuggets.
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111. (SIGHS) Well, looks like
we have some time to kill.
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112. Anyone have any ideas?
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113. Well, why don't you...
- Oh. (CHUCKLES)
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114. No, I'm sorry.
What were you going to say?
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115. - No, no. I'm sorry. You go.
- No, please.
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116. I was gonna say,
"Why don't you tell us
about the Wishing Well?"
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117. Interesting, how different
people are.
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118. I was gonna say,
"Why don't you drive back
to that trailer park,
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119. "so I can (BLEEP) that whore?"
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120. - (YUNG SIGHS)
- But, fair is fair.
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121. I said you go first.
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122. So, let's hear about
this... Wishing Well?
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123. Okay. They tell you
when you first die.
Not the first thing,
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124. but after you've been there
for a little bit.
You know, like a day.
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125. They send you
to this seminar. It's called
"Secrets of the universe."
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126. It sounds more exciting
than it is, believe me.
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127. And you can't have any food
or drink in there,
unless it's water.
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128. And it's like, "(BLEEP) me!
I just died.
I want a (BLEEP) Diet Coke."
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129. Ugh, anyway. You learn
about time, you know.
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130. It goes backwards
and forwards, and this way
and that way.
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131. And you're like, "Really?
Because right now,
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132. "it doesn't feel like
it's moving at all,
because I have to piss,
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133. "because all I've been doing
is drinking (BLEEP)
water." (CHUCKLES)
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134. Anyway, God is
just up there, yabbering,
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135. and, oh, my God, he loves
the sound of his voice.
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136. And yes, God is a man.
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137. I'm sorry,
what about the Wishing Well?
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138. Hmm? Oh, yeah. Right, okay.
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139. So, all wishes
are sent to the Wishing Well,
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140. but, you must remember
that not all wishes
should be granted.
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141. Some people wish
for some terrible things,
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142. you know,
to happen to other people.
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143. Oh, yeah.
I do that all the time.
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144. Like, right now,
I'm wishing that car
coming the opposite way
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145. would swerve in our lane,
and kill the driver.
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146. Oh, my God! You don't even
know that person.
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147. No, I'm talking about
the driver in this car.
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148. (BLEEP) you. Okay.
So, the bad wishes get caught
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149. in the branches
of the Bountiful Bush.
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150. So, you think Margaret
wished for something
bad to happen
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151. and that's why
it didn't come true?
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152. Okay, no. Unfortunately,
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153. even some good wishes
get caught in the Bush,
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154. which is why it needs to be
trimmed occasionally.
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155. You know, groomed.
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156. Okay. What time is it now?
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157. Ugh. Your father
set this clock
completely wrong.
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158. It's only 9:42.
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159. Well, let's just
pull over and wait.
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160. We're still not gonna
go back to the trailer park?
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161. You get me
all hot and bothered
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162. with all this
bush-trimming talk,
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163. and now you want to
just sit by the side
of the road?
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164. What am I supposed to do
with this massive erection?
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165. I don't see anything.
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166. That's because
it's inside my body,
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167. because I'm a bird.
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168. I don't see your tits.
What's your excuse?
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169. Oh, that's right.
You've got the body
of an eleven-year-old boy.
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170. Well, (BLEEP) you,
you-don't-see-anything!
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171. Let's just rest.
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172. We have a big night
ahead of us.
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173. (GASPS) Oh, no!
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174. We all fell asleep!
We missed midnight.
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175. There'll be
another one, Marquess.
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176. We just got to
wait here together,
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177. here in this enclosed vehicle
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178. for many, many
consecutive hours.
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179. Okay. Everybody, it's 11:59.
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180. - Buckle up.
- (ENGINE STARTS UP)
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181. Are you serious? Are you
mother-(BLEEP) serious?
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182. (GASPS) There!
The Bountiful Bush!
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183. Let's find Margaret's wish!
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184. "My wish is
that all the Jews..."
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185. Oh, my God!
Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
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186. I found it.
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187. "Margaret Moses,
age seven-and-a-half.
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188. "I wish that my dad
would come home
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189. "so we could be
a family again."
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190. Aw. Okay. So, how do we get it
into the Wishing Well?
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191. We have to trim the bush.
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192. There you go,
little Margaret Moses.
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193. It came true!
My wish came true!
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194. All right, Margaret.
Get on out of here
and go play.
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195. I want some alone time
with Moms.
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196. Okay. While I was
in the joint,
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197. I got a new meth recipe.
Turn on the stove.
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198. Where'd you put
all the chemicals?
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199. They're under
the sink, dumb-ass.
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200. Now, let's go (BLEEP)
while it cooks.
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201. Hello, little Margaret.
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202. Little Margaret,
you've lost your parents,
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203. and we recently
lost our child.
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204. Come, let us be
a family together
in Fantasy Forest.
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205. Whoa!
- (BOTH LAUGH)
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206. Oh, hold tight!
Whoa!
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207. Now, let's go meet
the talking trees!
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208. Oh!
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209. They're over by
the babbling brook.
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210. Yay!
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211. (LAUGHING) Wonderful.
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