Mike Tyson Mysteries 4x12

Directed by

White privilege turns on itself.

Request examples:

!req Mike Tyson Mysteries 4x12 [02:32]
!req Mike Tyson Mysteries 4x12 [Mike Tyson Mysteries 4x12]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Mike Tyson Mysteries 4x12 [10-11]; !req Mike Tyson Mysteries 4x12 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Ah, ah...

2. Morning, Pidge. Sleep well?

3. Jesus Christ.

4. Mmm, I'm starving. Should I make pancakes?

5. Ooh, ooh, like, Asian pancakes?

6. Oh, my God.

7. Uh...

8. these stairs.

9. Hey, don't you need the soy sauce?

10. - Uh, no. - You need the sesame oil?

11. - No. - Hoisin?

12. I bet you need the hoisin.

13. No, Dad. No.

14. Now, I don't like spicy things.

15. You're not gonna sneak one of those Chinese red peppers

16. in there, are you?

17. Ah...

18. I hope you're hungry, Pigeon.

19. We're having Chinese food.

20. I need aspirin or something,

21. I feel like.

22. Ugh, were you up drinking all night?

23. I gotta take a piss.

24. Oh, Pigeon, ugh...

25. That's a new low for him, if he starts adding that

26. to his little repertoire,

27. I think we'll have to have a talk.

28. What the... They taste just like regular pancakes.

29. No, except these have a fortune inside.

30. Ooh!

31. I couldn't piss.

32. Standing there with my dick in my hand...

33. nothing.

34. God, Pigeon, you really look terrible.

35. Damn! I must've ate my fortune.

36. I'm gonna go take a nap.

37. - Oh, gross.

38. Maybe he is old,

39. I mean, I don't wanna be indelicate,

40. but what is the average life span of a pigeon?

41. - What is the average life span of a pigeon?

42. Here's what I found on the Internet

43. for what is the average life span of a pigeon.

44. Three to five years.

45. Wait, how long have we had Pigeon?

46. Three to five years.

47. - Oh, my God! - Damn.

48. Are you guys thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

49. That Pigeon is about to die of old age?

50. No, if we examine my stool,

51. I bet we can find that fortune.

52. Come on, team. To the mystery bathroom.

53. Ugh, okay, I am rolling over in my own grave.

54. Oh, poor Pigeon.

55. Who's gonna be the one to tell him?

56. He did not take it well.

57. Then again, I'm not known for my bedside manner.

58. All right then, let me know

59. when he kicks it so I can move my stuff in there.

60. Not that I don't appreciate you guys

61. letting me stay in the pigeon coop.

62. I got a roof over my head and a heart full of gratitude.

63. But I also got a lot of pigeon shit all over my clothes.

64. Well, no fortune. But I did find this quarter.

65. Who wants it?

66. Oh, me!

67. Yup, that's a real quarter.

68. Jackpot!

69. Come to say goodbye, have ya?

70. Oh, I'm sorry, Pigeon... I, uh...

71. you know, uh... well, you know...

72. you know, we're just, we're all, um...

73. you know, we're just, oh...

74. very sorry.

75. Ah, I had a good run.

76. Well, not really, I'm...

77. I'm full of regret.

78. Not one moment of my life worked out

79. the way I thought it would.

80. And now,

81. I guess, here we are at the end.

82. What a waste.

83. We gonna call those people now?

84. - Who? - Hospice.

85. Everyone says how kind they are.

86. Oh, Pigeon.

87. You're not dying today.

88. I mean, I don't...

89. I don't know and I don't think so.

90. I think this is an opportunity.

91. To live in the moment.

92. To seize the day.

93. To suck the marrow out of life.

94. To not waste a single second.

95. I'm gonna go watch some TV

96. and just vegetate in front of that box.

97. Anything to kill time.

98. Hey, Pidge?

99. What would you like to do today?

100. Would you like to be the one to pick the mystery?

101. Stop yelling at me, you nitwit.

102. I'm dying, have some GD respect.

103. No, what I guess I need to do is...

104. go see my kid.

105. Wait, w-what?

106. But, you... you have a kid?

107. Are you deaf?

108. Why don't you yell at her?

109. She's the one who can't hear.

110. Yes, I have a kid, that's why I said it.

111. You young people on your screens all day,

112. you don't pay attention.

113. I mean, well, I'm not on a screen, so...

114. ADD.

115. Everybody's got ADD these days.

116. You wanna know the cure for ADD in my day?

117. A swift kick in the dungarees.

118. Okay, I'm sorry, can we get back to you having a child?

119. Well, it wouldn't hardly be a child no more.

120. "Dear Richard...

121. Warmly, Michelle."

122. My God, so...

123. you've never met your own child?

124. You don't even know if you have a son or a daughter?

125. Well, I guess that's today's mystery.

126. - Oh. - Oh, gross.

127. Michael. You're never going to believe this.

128. Pigeon has a child he's never met.

129. They're gonna be reunited before he dies.

130. Not that you're dying, Pigeon.

131. We don't know, I mean, you're just old.

132. Okay, cool.

133. What? You're not coming?

134. Nah.

135. All right, let's get out of here.

136. Wait up!

137. This isn't a family outing,

138. you little dipshit!

139. Drive!

140. I guess it's this one.

141. You stay here.

142. Michelle, it's me, Richard.

143. Richard.

144. The man who got you pregnant all those years ago.

145. You sent me a letter?

146. Richard? What happened to you?

147. Oh, and you haven't aged at all?

148. You're a pigeon.

149. Mom, I'm hungry.

150. Is this...

151. Give me a second, Jun.

152. "Jun"? You named him Jun, huh?

153. - Who are you? - Your old man.

154. Your dad.

155. Your pa.

156. I know I haven't been around much...

157. or ever.

158. And I regret that.

159. But I'm here now.

160. And I'm not going anywhere.

161. At least until I die,

162. which could be any day now.

163. So anyway what do you say?

164. You wanna throw the old ball around?

165. Mom, I said I'm hungry.

166. He has ADD.

167. Well, if you need anything, you know,

168. for his college or whatever, well, I...

169. I don't have any money.

170. But, uh, you tell him,

171. stay in school,

172. uh, don't use drugs.

173. Uh...

174. If he ever thinks about getting a tattoo,

175. well, you have him draw on himself

176. with a sharpie and live with that for a week

177. and see how much he still wants a tattoo.

178. I live with someone who has one on his face

179. and trust me, he regrets it.

180. But most of all...

181. Tell him I'm sorry.

182. Richard, wait.

183. When I wrote you that letter,

184. I thought I was pregnant with only one child.

185. But when I went into labor,

186. we discovered I was pregnant with twins.

187. It was a boy and girl.

188. I was totally unprepared.

189. There was no way

190. I could take care of both by myself.

191. Naturally, I gave up the less attractive child.

192. But I still wanted to give our daughter

193. the best life possible.

194. A life filled with safety, protection

195. and security.

196. So I left her with heavyweight champion

197. of the world, Mike Tyson.

198. What?

199. Florida goes for Al Gore.

200. I told you, Marquess. Gore is gonna win.

201. Well, thank goodness.

202. Because you told anyone that would listen

203. that if Bush won the election,

204. you would get a tattoo on your face.

205. Ooh, that's our pizza.

206. Mike Tyson.

207. You don't know me, but I know you.

208. I know you are strong and noble.

209. You are a fighter.

210. And I want my daughter to be like that, too.

211. Because she looks like a boy

212. and they will make fun of her.

213. Dress her in pink, always.

214. Stand by, stand by,

215. we are moving our earlier declaration of Florida

216. back to the "too close to call" column.

217. Uh-huh, yeah, pink.

218. So, will you take my daughter, Yung Hee,

219. - and raise her, as if she were your own? - Hanging in the balance are 25

220. very big electoral votes...

221. Um, yeah.

222. And if they go the other way,

223. George W. Bush the governor of Texas,

224. will become the 43rd president of the United States.

225. Yung Hee...

226. is my daughter?

227. I don't care if you shove it up your asshole.

228. None of your business, that's where I was.

229. Jesus Christ, you're a nosy bitch.

230. You're a lesbian, aren't you?

231. You little dipshit!

232. Well, that must have been something.

233. I mean, I saw a glimpse of him, your son.

234. Yep, I have a son. Saw my son.

235. My only child. No other children. Drive. Drive.

236. So what happened? Do you have a son?

237. Do you have a daughter?

238. - He has a son. - Oh, congratulations, Pigeon!

239. Oh, I am famished.

240. Is there anything to eat in this house?

241. I think there are some leftover Chinese pancakes.

242. Hey, Yung.

243. Uh...

244. There's something I should tell you.

245. Hey, Yung. I just wanna say that those pancakes

246. you made were delicious.

247. And I'm lucky you're my daughter, too.

248. Aw, thanks, Dad.

249. So, uh, what were you saying?

250. Huh? Nothing.

251. Uh...

252. Hey, you, uh...

253. you wanna throw the old ball around?

254. Huh?

255. All right, fire it down in here, come on now.

256. - There you go.

257. - This is fun. - Good boy... girl!

258. There you go. Throw it on in there.

259. Go on.

260. There you go, good girl.