1. I just wanna
welcome everyone
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2. to the official
housewarming party.
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3. I finally got my place
looking the way I wanted.
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4. So, um...
Cheers, team.
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5. Cheers.
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6. Eh... Hmm.
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7. Mmm. Huh?
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8. This is fun.
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9. Ah.
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10. Oh, the candles
are a nice touch.
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11. Well, there's no
electricity out here,
no running water.
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12. You got running water.
The pool.
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13. Oh, that's true.
I'm not complaining.
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14. I got the pool.
I bathe in the pool.
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15. Attitude of gratitude.
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16. Hey, anyone care for
one of these
pigs in a blanket?
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17. I don't know.
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18. Do any not have
bird shit all over them?
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19. You, Pigeon.
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20. Oh, good.
Looks like we got
a mystery.
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21. Hopefully the kind that
send us so we can get
the out of here.
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22. "Dear Mike Tyson Mystery Team.
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23. My husband and I
had dinner at our friends,
the Stevensons.
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24. Naturally, we sent them
a thank you card.
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25. But now they've
sent us flowers,
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26. thanking us for
the thank you card.
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27. Are we supposed to send
another thank you card?
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28. Obviously this isn't
an emergency,
but we'd love your help.
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29. Warmly,
Shelley and Phil Holbrook."
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30. Ooh, that sounds like
an emergency.
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31. Sorry, Deezy,
we gotta go.
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32. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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33. I just wanna thank
everyone for coming
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34. to my beautiful home,
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35. which I would not have
if it weren't for
your generosity, Mike.
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36. Truly, without this place,
I would be homeless.
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37. Yeah. Come on,
let's go.
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38. My body's on fire!
Open the door!
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39. It's locked!
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40. I didn't want nobody
to leave early,
so I locked it.
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41. Good party, Deezy.
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42. Pig in a blanket?
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43. Don't mind
if I do.
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44. Mmm.
These are beautiful.
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45. Is this the bouquet
they sent you?
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46. This is the $100 bouquet
the Stevensons sent us.
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47. We looked it up
online.
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48. Wow, that's nice.
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49. It's extravagant!
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50. And unnecessary.
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51. Who gives a thank you gift
for a thank you card?
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52. Now what are we
supposed to do?
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53. Wait, so your...
So your problem is
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54. deciding whether or not
you have to now
give something
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55. in return for the flowers?
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56. Yes!
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57. The Stevensons have
put us in
an awful position.
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58. It's truly untenable.
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59. White people problems.
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60. The most fascinating
problems of all.
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61. I myself would not
have given a shit.
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62. But you are the client,
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63. and therefore we will
pretend like this
is a real problem.
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64. May I have another
little hotdog in a towel?
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65. None of this
would have happened
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66. if we'd just done
what I said.
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67. - But Shelley...
- It's true.
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68. I said we should have
been the ones
to send flowers.
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69. That would have
been overkill.
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70. A card was
absolutely appropriate.
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71. Well, obviously it wasn't,
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72. because they
sent us flowers
to make a point.
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73. They're
with us.
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74. Oh!
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75. I'm sorry.
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76. This is just all
very stressful.
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77. Well, what about getting
them a bottle of wine?
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78. Ah, I love that.
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79. Wine is perfect.
That should end this.
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80. And you don't have to
go crazy.
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81. Just do like $20 to $30
pinot, or cab, or zin.
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82. - Oh. Hmm.
- Oh.
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83. We can't thank you enough.
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84. Just send us
a thank you card,
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85. and we'll send you
some flowers,
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86. and then you'll send us
a nice pinot,
or cab, or zin.
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87. I wanna thank
everyone for coming
to my grand reopening,
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88. a.k.a.
Housewarming Party Two.
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89. It took a lot of
blood, sweat and tears
to rebuild.
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90. Literally.
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91. I cut myself many times,
and I cried every night.
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92. And as you remarked about
the body odor smell when
you came in here, Mike,
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93. I also sweat a lot.
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94. But I did it,
and now I have
a roof over my head.
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95. Again.
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96. Oh, thank God.
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97. "Dear Mike Tyson
Mystery Team,
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98. the situation with
the Stevensons has gone
from bad to worse.
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99. Please hurry.
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100. Warmly,
Shelley and Phil Holbrook."
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101. Well, Deezy, as they say,
all good things must
come to an end.
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102. Or bad things.
Like this party.
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103. Oh, I got that locked.
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104. Let me get that for you.
Pardon me.
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105. Ooh! What's the smell?
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106. Oh, that's me.
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107. I gotta get in that pool
and take a shower.
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108. This is such a mess.
Such an absolute mess.
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109. We are going crazy here.
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110. We want off
this rollercoaster!
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111. Okay. Okay.
Now, look.
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112. Take a deep breath
and tell us what happened.
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113. We sent them
a bottle of wine,
and they hated it.
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114. Now, Shelley,
we don't know that.
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115. We never heard from them.
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116. We sent it two weeks ago
and we never got
a thank you letter.
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117. I thought you didn't want
a thank you letter?
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118. We didn't want
a thank you letter
thanking us for the wine.
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119. We just wanted
some acknowledgement
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120. that they'd received it.
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121. Because for all we know
it got lost in the mail.
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122. But either way,
it's a disaster.
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123. Either they never got it
and they think we're
ungrateful for the flowers,
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124. or they did get it,
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125. and they think it wasn't
enough of a thank you
for the flowers.
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126. Oh, God.
Phil, we are.
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127. - Shelley.
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128. Oh, God.
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129. I'm sorry.
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130. I mean, I have known
white people my
whole life,
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131. and I'm no closer
to understanding them.
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132. They are truly fascinating.
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133. Michael.
How can we help you?
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134. Murder Phil and Shelley?
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135. Ha ha! Oh.
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136. I'm sorry. I thought
you were asking how
you can help me.
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137. Would you go over
to the Stevensons
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138. and find out if
they got the wine
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139. and how they
feel about us?
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140. It's a bedside valet
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141. for your cufflinks and
your bits and baubles.
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142. It's cute,
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143. but it's a bit personal.
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144. Not that I don't love it,
because I do love it,
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145. and I'm gonna
get it for myself.
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146. Hold on.
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147. Don't move.
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148. I have something
in the back.
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149. What are we
doing here?
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150. Well, we can't just
go over to the Stevensons
empty handed.
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151. That's rude!
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152. We need to bring
a little something.
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153. Not too much of a thing,
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154. because we don't even
know them.
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155. But we definitely have to
bring something.
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156. Ah, I think
I finally get it.
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157. White people don't
have any problems,
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158. so they have to
create problems.
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159. What about this pair of
vintage Italian
ceramic roosters?
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160. Of course we received
the wine, and we
threw it in the trash.
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161. Oh, my God! Just when
I think I was
starting to get it.
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162. Why would you
throw it away?
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163. Because it was
a slap in the face.
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164. It was designed
to injure.
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165. That wine was
meant to ridicule us.
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166. The night we had
them for dinner,
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167. Kip had
a little too much to drink.
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168. Goddamn it, Alicia.
I had three glasses of wine.
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169. I can't have three
glasses of wine
in my own home?
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170. I have a very
stressful job.
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171. Kip is a financial advisor
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172. for a major Fortune 500
company.
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173. With all due respect,
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174. they actually sent you
the wine to thank you
for the flowers.
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175. Why would they thank us
for the flowers?
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176. The flowers were a thank you
for their thank you card.
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177. It was over.
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178. No, they had to
get their dig in.
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179. I drink because I like it,
not because I have to.
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180. Well, now the ball
is in our court.
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181. Perhaps we could send
them a gift card
from Williams Sonoma?
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182. Yes, that's perfect.
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183. That's just what
those deserve.
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184. Wait, now I'm bewildered.
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185. Why would you send
Shelley and Phil
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186. a Williams Sonoma gift card
if you're mad at them?
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187. Because they're
not well off.
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188. And they'll be
reminded of that fact
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189. when they use our gift card
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190. to get something they couldn't
afford on their own.
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191. What?
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192. I think the four of you
need to get together
and talk.
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193. I think this is all
just a big misunderstanding.
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194. Well, I'm not setting foot
in their house
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195. and they certainly aren't
welcome in ours.
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196. Gah! It broke.
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197. It slipped out
of my hand.
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198. Something must be
wrong with this glass.
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199. It's not because
I'm drunk.
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200. Stop staring at me.
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201. You're all making a scene.
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202. All of you!
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203. Oh, thank you,
Marquess.
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204. It's not for you, Michael.
It's for our guests.
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205. Wait, who are
our guests?
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206. The Stevensons
and the Holbrooks.
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207. We thought they should
meet somewhere neutral,
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208. so we offered our house.
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209. Oh, God.
Why do they have
those gift bags?
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210. Huh?
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211. Well, I'm sure
they're bringing you a gift.
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212. It's their first time
in your home.
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213. It's what you do.
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214. Oh, no!
If they give me something,
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215. then I have to
give them something.
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216. We'll all be embroiled
in it.
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217. I can't be embroiled
in this, Marquess.
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218. Well, then what are we
supposed to do?
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219. We invited them here.
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220. Isn't there any other
place they can go?
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221. Ooh! A scented candle!
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222. You shouldn't have.
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223. Well, thank you for
having us into your home.
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224. Oh, damn!
A 14 year old scotch?
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225. Very nice.
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226. That's several more years
than I'm used to.
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227. Think nothing of it.
It's what you do.
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228. You'd really think
they gotta go for it here.
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229. They've been running...
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230. Deezy, how do they seem?
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231. Real good. Real good.
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232. They seem to be
getting along real good.
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233. I lit a candle,
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234. poured them a little scotch,
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235. and now
they're just chilling.
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236. Just reconciling.
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237. And just to make sure
that no one leaves
until they do,
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238. I locked that door.
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239. Kip,
I think you've had enough.
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240. Shut up.
You're not my wife.
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241. Don't tell my wife
to shut up.
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242. Don't talk to me!
You're poor!
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243. You're stepping
on my dress.
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244. Kip, let's get
out of here.
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245. Damn you!
Open the door!
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246. Open the door!
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247. Now, tell me this.
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248. Do you think I need
to get these people a gift
because they gave me a gift?
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249. I think you're good.
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