1. Well, mystery solved.
Let's go team.
Copy !req
2. So, the sound they heard
coming from their attic
Copy !req
3. really was a demon, huh?
Copy !req
4. Yep, I think it was.
Copy !req
5. I definitely think
that it was.
Copy !req
6. And so you thought
you should just, uh,
Copy !req
7. burn their house
to the ground?
Copy !req
8. Yeah, that seemed like
the thing to do, you know,
Copy !req
9. to get the demon.
Copy !req
10. Yeah, I mean, yeah,
if there was a demon.
Copy !req
11. Yeah, it was definitely
a demon in there.
Copy !req
12. I'm pretty sure of that.
Copy !req
13. That poor old couple.
Copy !req
14. You could've at least offered
to take them to a hotel
or something.
Copy !req
15. Way to go, guys. Great job.
Copy !req
16. - You were a big help.
- What?
Copy !req
17. I thought you said,
"Stay inside the van."
Copy !req
18. You didn't say,
"Stay inside the van,"
Copy !req
19. you said,
"Stay inside the van."
Copy !req
20. But, you know, we got this,
Copy !req
21. don't worry about it,
that kind of thing.
Copy !req
22. - No.
- That is so weird.
Copy !req
23. I remember I was about
to get out and go in there,
Copy !req
24. participate in that mystery,
Copy !req
25. and then I could swear
you said,
Copy !req
26. "Pigeon, why don't
you hang out in the van?
Copy !req
27. "And we'll go in this house,
see what's going on,
Copy !req
28. "and we'll call you
if we need anything."
Copy !req
29. You're saying that
you didn't say any of that.
Copy !req
30. You know I didn't say
any of that.
Copy !req
31. Hey, everybody, do you know
what mystery that was?
Copy !req
32. That was
our hundredth mystery.
Copy !req
33. - What?
- We have not solved
a hundred mysteries.
Copy !req
34. Not solved but attempted.
Copy !req
35. This is cause
for a celebration.
Copy !req
36. Hey, let's go to Remaldos.
Copy !req
37. - Oh, please. No. No.
- Oh, not Remaldos.
Copy !req
38. Wait, is that
the Mexican restaurant
Copy !req
39. where all the waiters
are white college kids?
Copy !req
40. It's always a good sign,
Copy !req
41. when you're gonna sit down
to some Mexican food
Copy !req
42. and the person taking your
order keeps asking if you want
Copy !req
43. an order of "guaca-mole"
for the table.
Copy !req
44. You know it, Pigeon, they got
that good guaca-mole there.
Copy !req
45. Can I get anyone
anything to drink?
Copy !req
46. - Iced tea for me.
- Me too, iced tea.
Copy !req
47. I thought we were celebrating.
Copy !req
48. Lucky diamond light
and a tequila shot
on the side.
Copy !req
49. - Any tequila?
- Any tequila.
Copy !req
50. - And you, sir?
- Do you have iced tea?
Copy !req
51. Yes, lemon with that?
Copy !req
52. Hmm.
Copy !req
53. Hey, Pigeon, did you get
any lemon with yours?
Copy !req
54. - No.
- No lemon please.
Copy !req
55. I'll send over some chips
and guaca-mole.
Copy !req
56. Oh, good, because this
is a celebration.
Copy !req
57. Muchas gracias.
Copy !req
58. You're welcome.
Copy !req
59. Um, before we eat,
I'd like to say grace.
Copy !req
60. For this and all
we're about to receive,
Copy !req
61. make us truly grateful, Lord.
Copy !req
62. Through Christ we pray, amen.
Copy !req
63. - What the... was that?
- What?
Copy !req
64. It's called giving thanks.
Copy !req
65. When did you become, um,
religious?
Copy !req
66. I go to Bible study
once a week.
Copy !req
67. You all said I needed to make
friends my own age.
Copy !req
68. So you joined a cult?
Copy !req
69. Okay, before being
so critical,
Copy !req
70. why don't we let Yung tell us
a little more about it.
Copy !req
71. What church is the group
identified with?
Copy !req
72. Christian.
Copy !req
73. Well, what the hell
does that mean?
Copy !req
74. Is it Protestant, Episcopal,
Methodist?
Copy !req
75. I don't know,
it's just Christian.
Copy !req
76. Look, we just hang out mostly.
Copy !req
77. You guys are acting like
I joined a gang.
Copy !req
78. Okay, I'm gonna wash my hands
and I hope when I get back,
Copy !req
79. you're all done
being so judgmental.
Copy !req
80. Mmm, this is a dangerous
moment in parenting.
Copy !req
81. I know that you have to let
your children
Copy !req
82. experiment with stuff
when they grow older
Copy !req
83. and trust them
that they'll find their way,
Copy !req
84. but I thought
it would be drugs or sexting
Copy !req
85. or something normal.
Copy !req
86. I mean, man, she's Asian, man.
Copy !req
87. So I thought
maybe I'm gambling,
Copy !req
88. but not Jesus.
Copy !req
89. I didn't see Jesus
coming in our lives.
Copy !req
90. Here's your tequila and beer,
Copy !req
91. and iced tea
for everyone else.
Copy !req
92. I didn't order ice-tea.
Copy !req
93. - No?
- I said root beer.
Copy !req
94. But I think I'm gonna
change it.
Copy !req
95. Give me a hot chocolate.
Copy !req
96. Ooh, that kale
is a bitter mother...
Tastes like garbage.
Copy !req
97. Hey, Pigeon,
you want me to make you
Copy !req
98. a kale protein shake?
Copy !req
99. Oh, no, thank you.
Copy !req
100. On account of you just said
it tastes like garbage.
Copy !req
101. Hey, everyone,
that's my friend, Will.
Copy !req
102. - Who's Will?
- He's in my Bible study.
Copy !req
103. - He's coming over to hang out.
- Hang out?
Copy !req
104. When I was your age,
hangout meant anal.
Copy !req
105. - What?
- Wait,
Copy !req
106. maybe it didn't mean that,
Copy !req
107. but it definitely meant
you liked him.
Copy !req
108. - Do you like this Will?
- I do.
Copy !req
109. So don't embarrass me, Pigeon.
Copy !req
110. Embarrass you, how?
Copy !req
111. Like, by talking,
Copy !req
112. or by watching pornography
in front of him
Copy !req
113. and masturbating to it
in front of him.
Copy !req
114. Or by asking to see his penis,
Copy !req
115. or by telling him that I have
a penis, stuff like that.
Copy !req
116. That embarrasses you?
You're so fragile.
Copy !req
117. I guess it makes sense
that you need religion.
Copy !req
118. You're gonna be such
a frail reed.
Copy !req
119. Gosh, I can't believe that
your dad is Mike Tyson.
Copy !req
120. I mean,
that's incredibly interesting.
Copy !req
121. I mean, nothing about you
seemed to suggest
Copy !req
122. that he was your dad.
Copy !req
123. (SIGHS)
Yeah, I get that a lot.
Copy !req
124. Yung, can I...
Copy !req
125. - Whoa.
- Oh.
Copy !req
126. No, I meant to talk to you.
Copy !req
127. Physical intimacy
outside of marriage
Copy !req
128. is an abomination before God.
Copy !req
129. Oh, yeah, no, totally, you,
Copy !req
130. you had an eyelash
on your cheek,
Copy !req
131. so I was gonna blow you.
Copy !req
132. Actually, I wasn't
gonna blow you,
Copy !req
133. I was gonna, with my mouth,
Copy !req
134. I wasn't gonna blow wind,
Copy !req
135. I wasn't gonna suck it off.
Copy !req
136. Yung, do you know
what the rapture is?
Copy !req
137. Um, sort of.
Copy !req
138. It's when those who are saved
will be taken up to heaven,
Copy !req
139. while the rest
will be left behind on Earth
Copy !req
140. to be tortured
by Satan's minions.
Copy !req
141. Wow.
Copy !req
142. We haven't talked about that
at bible study, have we?
Copy !req
143. I hate to say it,
Copy !req
144. but not everybody
goes to bible study
Copy !req
145. for the right reasons.
Copy !req
146. I think some people just like
to hang out with friends.
Copy !req
147. And do charitable stuff
for those less fortunate.
Copy !req
148. (SCOFFS) What assholes.
Copy !req
149. Yung, I need you to be saved,
so when the rapture comes
Copy !req
150. you can join me
in the kingdom of heaven.
Copy !req
151. Well, that's nice.
Copy !req
152. Of course, you'll be
leaving behind your friends.
Copy !req
153. - What?
- Well...
Copy !req
154. That all-white man
you introduced me to
Copy !req
155. is obviously a homosexual.
Copy !req
156. Which is an abomination
before God.
Copy !req
157. - I don't...
- And someone trained
Copy !req
158. your pet bird,
to say the C-word.
Copy !req
159. He told me I have
a C-word face.
Copy !req
160. Well, I'm sorry he said that.
Copy !req
161. You definitely do not have
a... face.
Copy !req
162. But Will, I have to say,
Copy !req
163. I'm sorry, but I don't believe
any of this stuff.
Copy !req
164. That's what faith is.
Copy !req
165. Believing in things that are
unbelievable and crazy?
Copy !req
166. - Yeah.
- Okay.
Copy !req
167. Everybody, we got
a new mystery!
Copy !req
168. Dad, have you been
hiding in there?
Copy !req
169. I came out because I saw
we got a new mystery.
Copy !req
170. Then, you guys came out.
Copy !req
171. And then I wanted to
respect your privacy.
Copy !req
172. So I just crouched down
in there
Copy !req
173. and I hid, and I spied on you.
Copy !req
174. So, yes. Then I just
wanted to make sure
Copy !req
175. that Will wasn't
a scientologist.
Copy !req
176. He seemed so nice.
Copy !req
177. And every scientologist
I've met
Copy !req
178. has always been so nice.
Copy !req
179. And you're just like,
"No one can be that nice."
Copy !req
180. - It's just weird.
- Oh, my God.
Copy !req
181. What's... face
still doing here?
Copy !req
182. Will, I have to go.
We have a mystery to solve.
Copy !req
183. Yung, please, I'm not leaving
here until you're saved.
Copy !req
184. It could happen at any second.
Copy !req
185. What could happen
at any second?
Copy !req
186. The rapture.
Copy !req
187. Unfortunately, you won't
be joining us
Copy !req
188. in the kingdom of heaven,
because you're gay.
Copy !req
189. You'll be going to hell.
Copy !req
190. Okay, I'll be sure to say hi
to your mom when I get there.
Copy !req
191. face.
Copy !req
192. To the Mystery Mobile.
Copy !req
193. I'll wait here for you!
Copy !req
194. It's that same
old couple again.
Copy !req
195. What the hell do they want?
Copy !req
196. I bet they want to sue you
for burning down
their... house.
Copy !req
197. Oh, finally.
Copy !req
198. Margaret and I
were sitting here,
Copy !req
199. picking through the ashes,
looking at everything we had,
Copy !req
200. all burned to nothing,
Copy !req
201. when suddenly
that demon popped up.
Copy !req
202. Ha! I told you there was
a demon, Pigeon.
Copy !req
203. He didn't believe me.
Copy !req
204. No, it was more like
I didn't care.
Copy !req
205. So, what happened?
Copy !req
206. He said, "Take my hand."
Copy !req
207. And we said, "No, sir.
Get on out of here, demon."
Copy !req
208. - And he did.
- Well, that was nice of him.
Copy !req
209. But before he went, he said
Copy !req
210. since you burned down
this house,
Copy !req
211. he was going to go live
in your house,
Copy !req
212. and get one of you to let him
live in your soul.
Copy !req
213. Oh, no, Will.
Copy !req
214. Who the... is Will?
Copy !req
215. How long does it take
to solve a mystery?
Copy !req
216. Ah, finally.
Copy !req
217. Yung, is that you?
Copy !req
218. I'm not Yung, you fool.
Copy !req
219. I'm here to steal your soul.
Copy !req
220. You can't have me,
demon.
Copy !req
221. My God is an awesome God.
Copy !req
222. He's an awesome God!
Copy !req
223. Will!
Copy !req
224. Will is gone. I took his soul.
Copy !req
225. I'm the demon Bathog.
Copy !req
226. Come forth and admire
my nine penises.
Copy !req
227. Well, don't just
stand there, Yung.
Copy !req
228. Hello, everybody.
Copy !req
229. God, here.
Copy !req
230. Will was right,
it's the rapture.
Copy !req
231. Oh, no, son, there's no such
thing as the rapture.
Copy !req
232. That was something we told
some of the dumber ones
Copy !req
233. to keep them in line.
Copy !req
234. But we need to take care of
that demon Bathog,
Copy !req
235. and there is only one way
to take care of a demon.
Copy !req
236. Am I right, Mike Tyson?
Copy !req
237. Hell yeah, God, burn that
mother... down.
Copy !req
238. I'm sorry,
but believe me, Yung,
Copy !req
239. it would not
have been enjoyable
Copy !req
240. losing your virginity
to a nine-dicked demon.
Copy !req
241. Well...
Copy !req
242. God bless y'all.
Copy !req
243. Ha! Go Cowboys!
Copy !req
244. Ha! God is Jerry Jones.
Copy !req
245. I was informed that is was
just our 30th mystery, yes,
Copy !req
246. um, bad counting.
I was doing the counting,
Copy !req
247. of course it came out bad,
and, um,
Copy !req
248. we're only on number 30.
Three-oh.
Copy !req
249. Thank you.
Copy !req