1. How did we get here?
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2. What are you talking about?
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3. First, you knocked over my
bowl of tomato soup
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4. because you had to show me
your magic trick.
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5. Pigeon's trying to
commit suicide again.
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6. And Dad's watching
On Golden Pond.
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7. I wasn't asking literally,
I was trying to set a mood.
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8. What?
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9. Aw! How'd you do that?
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10. - Okay, I am going outside
to get a mystery.
- (CRYING CONTINUES)
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11. I put the knot in the wrong
end of the rope. God damn it.
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12. And I'm
not cleaning that.
- Oh, this is ridiculous.
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13. Hey. Hey, who
turned off the gas?
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14. Oh, Pigeon, just take a
(BLEEP) damn anti-depressant
like the rest of us.
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15. Yeah, well, if any of you
were really my friends,
you'd let me die in peace.
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16. - Guys, listen...
- Hey, Pigeon, is that the guy
from 9 to 5?
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17. Yeah, Dabney Coleman.
I love Dabney Coleman.
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18. He's a reason
not to kill yourself.
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19. Didn't he pass away
a few years ago?
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20. What? I'm going back
in the oven.
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21. Oh, wait a second, I'm
thinking of Charles Durning.
Dabney Coleman's still alive.
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22. We don't have
to tell him that.
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23. Come on, let's go.
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24. Hold on. I have an hour
and 14 minutes on my movie.
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25. Nobody go through
my (beep) when I'm dead.
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26. Oh, hi, thank you
so much for coming.
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27. Oh, of course, ma'am.
We came as soon
as we got your note.
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28. We definitely didn't wait
an hour and 14 minutes.
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29. So, as I said, there is this
sound in my car and it's
driving me crazy.
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30. I can't figure out where it's
coming from
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31. and then, of course,
every time I take it
to the mechanic,
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32. it stops making the sound.
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33. - (BARKING)
- Ah! Look out!
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34. What the (BLEEP)!
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35. Sherman, no! No, Sherman!
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36. - I'm so sorry.
He's out of control!
- (GROWLING)
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37. Well, shall we take a look
at your car?
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38. That would be great.
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39. If you wanna come with me,
I'm about to take Sherman
to obedience school.
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40. And then I have to pick up
my two other kids.
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41. Wait a minute. You have two
more kids other than the two?
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42. Are you trying to tell me
that somebody (BLEEP)
you four times? Come on!
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43. - Pigeon!
- No offense.
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44. Oh. Okay, well, I'm sure
that smoothed it all over.
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45. - (WAILING)
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I have to change the baby.
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46. And then we'll go.
Would you mind watching Tyler?
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47. Watch him do what?
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48. What do you do, Tyler?
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49. Do you... Do you do magic?
Marquess does magic.
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50. Marquess, do that magic trick
you did this morning
for Tyler.
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51. I am not tying up
a 2-year-old.
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52. I'll do it.
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53. - No one is tying him up.
- Well, we're back
to square one.
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54. Your mom said to watch you,
but you don't do anything.
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55. Oh, that is low brow.
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56. It's funny as shit,
but it's low brow.
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57. Well, now that we don't
have to deal with
Sherman's barking,
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58. maybe, we can hear the sound.
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59. It's, um, it's kind of
this high-pitched sound.
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60. Oh, it's incredibly annoying.
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61. Well, this is why my husband
calls me a liar.
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62. So, Meg, what does
your husband do?
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63. He works in the IT department
for an alarm systems company.
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64. Oh, that sounds fun.
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65. (CHUCKLES)
How does that sound fun?
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66. I'm just making conversation.
You could ask her
something, you know.
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67. Oh, uh...
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68. Hey, Meg,
when you're on your period...
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69. Oh, my God.
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70. You don't even know
what I'm going to ask.
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71. Meg, when you're on your
period, do you still
like to get (BLEEP)?
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72. - (LAUGHING MISCHIEVOUSLY)
- I did know what
you were going to ask.
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73. Okay, you guys wait here.
I'm going to run in
and get Britney
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74. and then, we have to
drop her at gymnastics
before we pick up Miles.
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75. - Britney the gymnast, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
- Gross!
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76. - What?
- Dad, can you do something?
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77. Tell him not to talk
or something.
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78. I'm not allowed to say
"Britney the gymnast?"
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79. Hey, Pigeon, is that that same
guy from On Golden Pond?
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80. I don't know.
What are you watching?
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81. Fast and the Furious 3.
No wait, Jaws 3.
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82. No wait, On Golden Pond.
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83. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's the same guy.
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84. That balance beam
better get ready.
(LAUGHS)
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85. - Hi, Britney!
- Britney, this is the
Mike Tyson Mystery Team
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86. and they're going to help us
find the noise in the car.
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87. And I just found out that
Miles' soccer practice
was canceled.
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88. So now, we have to pick him up
at his school before
we can go to gymnastics.
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89. Mmm, I don't know when the
hell I'm gonna cook dinner!
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90. Hmm, there is no job
in the world harder
than being a mom.
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91. Really? Really?
How about a dad?
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92. Has to do the same stuff
as a mom, plus have a job.
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93. Can you be more sexist?
Well, when you think
about it, I suppose so, uh...
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94. Hello, Miles.
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95. Marquess, have you no shame?
He's 14.
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96. - (GASPS)
I wasn't hitting on him!
Oh.
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97. Move over, Britney!
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98. You move over!
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99. - Move over, Britney.
- You move over.
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100. - (HIGH-PITCHED NOISE)
- Move your leg!
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101. - Shh!
- (NOISE STOPS)
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102. - You're hurting me!
- (NOISE RESUMES)
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103. - Jesus Christ.
- Move your leg!
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104. - Everybody quiet!
- (WAILING)
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105. - Mom!
- Mom, Miles is kicking me!
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106. - Shut up! Just shut up!
- Mom!
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107. - Mom, Miles is hurting me.
- Everybody just shut up!
Shut up!
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108. (SIGHS) Did any of you
hear that?
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109. Please tell me
someone heard it!
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110. What the (BLEEP) Marquess?
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111. She heard the sound.
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112. Oh, damn, I'm sorry.
I thought I let
that one out quietly.
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113. Well, I had a head of cabbage
for breakfast, okay?
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114. Not you, the car.
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115. I swear to God I'm
going to lose my mind.
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116. It's okay, ma'am. Let's take
the car out on the freeway
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117. and we'll all be real quiet
and we'll all pay attention.
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118. No screens, guys, okay?
Everybody put away your
screens away.
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119. Dad, you're the only one
watching a movie.
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120. Mom, we're going to be
late for gymnastics.
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121. - I get car sick
on the freeway.
- (BABY CRYING)
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122. - Mom, Miles is kicking me.
- What? No, I'm not!
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123. Okay, I have an idea.
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124. - Is it "Kill all the kids"?
- What? No!
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125. Why don't we take the children
in the Mystery Mobile
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126. while Meg and Mike will take
this car out on the freeway
and listen for the noise?
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127. Yes, that sounds like
a very good plan.
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128. But when do we
kill all the kids?
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129. Oh, my God.
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130. Starting to notice
the girls, huh?
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131. Let me ask you something.
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132. You jacking off yet?
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133. Because if you are,
it's weird.
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134. Nobody does it.
You're the only one.
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135. - Hello? Ahhh! What is that?
- (HIGH-PITCHED NOISE)
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136. Can you believe how loud
that (BLEEP) is?
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137. It's the worst thing
in the world, man.
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138. I keep thinking this
lady's crazy like she was
making this (BLEEP) up.
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139. Because of her (BLEEP)
depressed life.
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140. But it's not that, it's real.
And it's (BLEEP)
annoying as hell.
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141. And we're gonna take this car
straight to the mechanic
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142. and you guys
better meet us there.
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143. Oh! First they have to pick
up Sherman.
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144. Wait, first you gotta
pick up Sherman.
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145. Okay, you drive
to the mechanic.
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146. And I'm almost done with this
Golden Pond.
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147. Whoa! (MOANING)
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148. That was a good
dismount, Britney.
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149. Don't let anyone
tell you different.
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150. Aw, that was very
sweet of you.
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151. Yeah, well, I was a fat kid.
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152. Closed?
- Okay, so, what are we
going to do?
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153. 'Cause, I don't think
I can take it much longer.
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154. Neither can I!
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155. Oh, my God.
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156. My minivan!
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157. Maybe this little screaming
gnome that was trapped in your
car knows what the sound was.
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158. It was me. I've been trapped
in your car for months.
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159. Who are you?
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160. My name is Elary.
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161. I live in your garden.
I watch over it and
protect your family.
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162. How did you get in my car?
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163. The dog! He chased me.
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164. I hid and then I got stuck.
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165. Oh, the pain!
But now I'm free.
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166. Thank you, Mike Tyson!
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167. Sorry, it took so long.
Asian driver.
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168. Ugh.
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169. It's okay.
We solved the mystery.
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170. - Believe it or not, it was
this little gnome in the car
- (GROWLING)
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171. - and I couldn't find out
what the hell the problem was.
- (GASPS) Sherman!
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172. I'm going to have to pay
a hell of a bill for the car,
I don't know what happened.
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173. - And insurance...
But anyway...
No, no! Wait, wait!
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174. The little gnome's
about six inches tall.
- Please, no, no, no...
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175. No, no! (SCREAMING)
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176. And, man, I just couldn't
believe this thing.
It's only 6 inches tall.
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177. Well, where is he?
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178. He was just here.
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179. I bet he went back to your
garden to protect your family.
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180. Aw!
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181. Are you sure? 'Cause, I just
watched that dog eat him.
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182. Yeah, I was on
Fifth Avenue one day.
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183. I had this (BLEEP)
looking good, man.
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184. Man, it was looking so good,
and it just stopped right
in the middle of the street.
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185. It stopped. Then, the wheels
didn't run, the battery died,
it just stopped.
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186. So, what did you do?
- (EXHALES)
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187. I got out and jumped in a cab.
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