1. George Washington
and the Founding Fathers
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2. were farmers, mm-kay?
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3. And the main crop
they grew was tobacco.
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4. Whoa.
You can grow cigarettes?
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5. Well, no, but you
can grow tobacco, mm-kay?
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6. You can grow tobacco.
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7. Yes, tobacco is a plant.
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8. It grows from seeds
like any other plant.
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9. Whoa, cigarette seeds.
That's cool.
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10. Guys, it's April.
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11. We're supposed to be up
to the Vietnam War.
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12. Now, as I was saying,
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13. tobacco was America's
first cash crop.
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14. Yeah, yeah,
get cash and money.
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15. Beavis, we've heard enough.
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16. Let's grow tobacco
and get cash money
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17. like that dumb-ass
George Washington.
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18. So, um, Butt-Head?
How do we grow tobacco?
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19. Uh...
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20. whoa, check it out.
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21. Whoa, is that
a cigarette seed?
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22. It sure is, Beavis.
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23. We finally learned something
from that hippie.
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24. Um, I don't think
it's growing, Butt-Head.
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25. That's because it's not
on a farm, butthole.
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26. It needs, like, dirt and,
like, barns and stuff.
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27. Oh, yeah, yeah.
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28. And, like, a pitchfork or
something, or some hay maybe.
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29. Whoa, check it out, Beavis.
More seeds.
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30. It's good to see
two young people
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31. cleaning up all the litter
around here.
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32. There's a receptacle
right over there, boys.
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33. Whoa, cool.
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34. We're gonna be rich.
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35. I can't believe
these dumbasses
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36. just left these around and
didn't know they were seeds.
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37. They really suck at farming.
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38. Beavis, everybody
sucks at everything.
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39. - Uh...
- Eh?
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40. Does she know
that the video's started yet?
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41. She can't decide if she's,
like, talking, or singing,
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42. or rapping, or just not
really trying very hard.
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43. Wait a second.
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44. Swimming on the edge
of a cliff?
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45. I don't understand that.
I don't get that at all.
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46. Maybe it's like, uhh,
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47. there's, like,
a waterfall or something?
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48. No, no,
that would be a waterfall.
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49. It's not a cliff.
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50. No, it doesn't make any sense.
It doesn't make any sense.
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51. Swimming on the edge
of a cliff, I don't get it.
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52. Uh, okay, Beavis.
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53. It's dumb.
Do you get that?
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54. Well, maybe there's,
like, a baby pool,
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55. but you can't swim
in a baby pool.
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56. Yeah, I don't understand it.
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57. Dammit, Beavis, who cares?
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58. It's just stupid.
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59. If there was pool
on the edge of a cliff—
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60. just think about it
for like a couple minutes.
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61. If there was a pool
on the edge of a cliff—
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62. Uh, anyway, Beavis—
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63. So where's the edge
of the pool?
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64. Is that the cliff?
- Dammit, Beavis, shut up.
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65. Wait a minute.
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66. Maybe the whole cliff is made
of water, or it's ice
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67. because—you know, 'cause
then that's part of the—
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68. no, no, that isn't it.
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69. She'd be a cool girlfriend
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70. 'cause you could, like,
come home and just say,
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71. "Well, how was your day?"
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72. And then she'd be like,
"Bleh, bleh, bleh.
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73. It was a Wednesday, and—"
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74. I'm sorry
to keep harping on this,
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75. but I'm thinking
about the cliff again,
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76. and maybe if you took
an aboveground pool,
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77. one of those infinite pools
or something, but—
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78. Dammit, Beavis,
if you say one more thing
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79. about the cliff,
I'm gonna smack
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80. the living crap out of you.
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81. Hang on, hang on.
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82. Let me just circle back
to the cliff for a second.
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83. Okay, hear me out.
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84. My grandmother's favorite actor
is Montgomery Clift.
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85. Now, if he had a pool
at his house—
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86. Ahh!
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87. Hurry up, Beavis.
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88. We gotta, like, find some dirt,
so we can go farm
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89. like that George Washington butthole.
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90. You know, I wonder if
George Washington ever scored.
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91. Of course he scored, dumb-ass.
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92. He's rich, and he's got
his own cigarette trees.
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93. You should think
before you open your mouth
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94. once in a while.
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95. Dammit,
stop eating the seeds.
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96. Sorry, it's like, I ate one,
and now it's like,
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97. I just can't stop, you know?
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98. It's like
I'm addicted to seeds,
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99. you know what I'm saying?
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100. Whoa.
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101. Check it out, Beavis, a farm.
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102. Um, Butt-Head, how are we
supposed to plant our tobacco?
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103. There's, like, already
all these plants here.
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104. Uh...
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105. I think they're just like
weeds or something.
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106. People have really let this
place go to crap, you know.
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107. It's a disgrace.
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108. Well, let's dig this crap up.
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109. Damn weeds.
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110. What the hell is this thing?
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111. Farming is hard work.
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112. Feels good though, you know?
Back to the soil.
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113. That ought to do it.
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114. Now let's plant our tobacco.
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115. There we go, all done.
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116. So, um...
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117. when will they be ready?
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118. Patience, Beavis.
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119. The cigarette tree takes
many seasons to grow.
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120. Uh, how many of those
did you eat?
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121. I don't know.
Probably like 80.
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122. Dammit, Beavis,
each one of those was gonna be
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123. a whole cigarette tree.
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124. You ate like 80 trees.
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125. Sorry, sorry.
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126. Just one more to help me relax.
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127. I'll stop tomorrow.
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128. Dammit, Beavis, now we gotta
go find more seeds,
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129. or we're not gonna
get rich enough.
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130. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, good idea.
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131. I'm, like,
craving finding more seeds.
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132. You know what I mean?
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133. - Oh, no.
- Oh, my God.
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134. I don't understand who would do
something like this.
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135. The important thing is,
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136. we worked together
and cleaned it up.
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137. Butt-Head,
the weeds grew back.
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138. That sucks.
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139. Well, let's get to work.
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140. No one said it'd be easy.
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141. What the hell?
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142. What are you doing
in our garden?
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143. Uh...
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144. we're farming, dumb-ass.
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145. What does it look like?
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146. Yeah, yeah, we're trying
to get rid of these weeds,
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147. unlike some lazy people.
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148. What's your problem?
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149. Wait a second.
I know these boys.
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150. They couldn't have been
the ones who ruined our garden.
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151. They're good boys,
and they pick up litter.
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152. Uh, what?
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153. No, no, we're trying
to be like George Washington.
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154. George Washington?
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155. I guess they know
the importance of being honest.
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156. Yeah,
George Washington scored.
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157. They were just trying
to help clean up,
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158. and we jumped to conclusions.
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159. - Mm-hmm.
- I'm sorry, boys.
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160. If you two ever want
to help us garden,
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161. you're always welcome.
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162. Um, okay.
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163. Well, Beavis,
let's get to farming.
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164. We've got a lot
of hard work ahead of us.
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165. - That's right.
- Yes.
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166. Sir, could I use
your shovel for a minute?
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167. For a fellow gardener?
Of course.
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168. Hey, stop that!
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169. We're just trying
to do an honest day's work,
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170. you lazy buttholes.
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171. Yeah, work.
You ever heard of it?
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172. Lend a hand
or get out of the way.
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173. - Let's get 'em!
- Hey, hey, hey!
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174. - Ow!
- Don't make me kick your—
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175. Tobacco sucks.
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176. That old lady kicked
my ass so hard,
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177. the doctor said
I have a tumor on my tongue.
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178. And it increased my risk
of heart disease.
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179. Yeah.
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180. And also, like, a low fetal
birth weight or something.
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181. I don't know.
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182. Well, we certainly learned
a lesson today.
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183. Yep, we sure did.
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184. The reason George Washington
is dead is some old ladies
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185. kicked his ass
and gave him cancer.
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186. And that's why we're
the greatest country on Earth.
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