Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head 2x23

Directed by

Tracy Grandstaff as Smart Daria (voice) • Toby Huss as Smart Todd (voice)

Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head visit Earth and abduct Tom Anderson for human experiments.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - That is humorous, yes. - Very humorous, yes.

2. - Quite jocular, yes. - Droll, very droll, yes.

3. Whimsical, yes. Yes, quite absurd, yes.

4. Quite whimsical, yes.

5. Priceless wit of a satirical bit, yes.

6. - Smart Butt-Head? - Yes, Smart Beavis.

7. Why have we been called today before the Supreme Leaders?

8. Surely to reward us for our good work

9. and many achievements in space.

10. Perhaps they will give us a trophy.

11. Yes, the Supreme Leaders love us

12. because we are smart.

13. So begins the trial

14. of Smart Beavis and Smart Butt-Head

15. for crimes against Earth 327-Z.

16. This is the opposite of what we expected.

17. - Our logic was in error. - Indeed so.

18. This tribunal finds you guilty.

19. - Guilty. - Guilty!

20. - Guilty. - Guilty, mm-kay?

21. Thoroughly at odds

22. with the deontological theory of law,

23. as put forth by Smart Emmanuel Kant.

24. Well put, Smart Todd.

25. You were supposed to have spent

26. the last two years

27. exploring the various universes and what have you,

28. but all you've done is run up an expense account

29. on space nachos

30. and intergalactic pornography.

31. In our defense, Supreme Leader,

32. we were observing the universe

33. where Beavis and Butt-Head are in middle age.

34. Yes, at the height of their powers.

35. No one cares about that at all.

36. I mean, come on, just listen to yourselves.

37. And now, the matter of your punishment.

38. Your sentence is death, mm-kay?

39. Am I to understand

40. that we are definitely not getting a trophy, then?

41. Your sentence will be suspended,

42. and you will be permitted to live,

43. on the following condition.

44. You must quit screwing around and successfully complete

45. one scientific mission.

46. Your mission is as follows:

47. you will go to Earth-1,

48. the planet they call normal Earth,

49. and abduct a human for scientific experiments.

50. Failure will result in disintegration, mm-kay?

51. May science be with you.

52. Very well. We must abduct a human.

53. Set course for normal Earth.

54. Whoopsie-daisy.

55. Should we leave a space note on their windshield?

56. - No. - That was humorous.

57. - Quite humorous. - Very droll indeed, yes.

58. Who is this, Smart Butt-Head?

59. This is an Earthling named Ronnie Dunn.

60. He is a singer of country songs.

61. He is the best and smartest that Earth has to offer.

62. He has won 27 Academy of Country Music awards

63. for masterworks such as "Cost of Livin'"

64. and "Mama Don't Get Dressed Up For Nothing."

65. Ah, yes.

66. So country music has an academy?

67. Yes, they do. Perhaps we could teach there

68. if they don't already have instructors

69. in non-gravitational propulsion

70. or advanced mathematics across fractional dimensions.

71. We would instantly be the smartest professors

72. at the country music academy,

73. for humans are stupid.

74. Yes, very stupid.

75. Look at this one, trying to wrestle a cow.

76. Humorous, quite humorous.

77. Which one is the human, and which one is the cow?

78. Ah, yes, humorous. Quite jocular, yes.

79. That one appears smarter. He must be the cow.

80. Please stop, Smart Butt-Head. I need to catch my breath.

81. Yes.

82. I don't know why,

83. but this music is making me love America.

84. This video also makes me want

85. to worship the man they call Jesus.

86. Yes, yes indeed, yes.

87. They have finally made music

88. for ordinary space people like us.

89. Those of us from the heartland of space

90. who work hard and deserve to unwind.

91. Yes, yes.

92. I wish there was more footage

93. of the females in this video.

94. Yes, yes, it is a veritable intergalactic festival

95. of sausage, Smart Beavis.

96. Ah, yes, yes, so called

97. because an intergalactic sausage

98. looks like a space penis, yes, it does, yes.

99. Quite humorous.

100. Notice the females are becoming intoxicated.

101. It is part of their ritual of scoring.

102. On this planet, the slut is shamed.

103. Ah, yes, yes, quite primitive,

104. quite primitive.

105. Yes.

106. Your mother is a slut.

107. I had non-procreational sexual intercourse

108. with your mother.

109. Thank you, Smart Butt-Head.

110. I am honored, for on our planet,

111. we have realized long ago

112. that the slut is not to be shamed,

113. but to be honored.

114. Yes, and your mother is quite honorable.

115. Again, thank you, Smart Butt-Head.

116. It is said that there are more men

117. that have been inside your mother

118. than there are Planck lengths

119. in the entire diameter of the universe.

120. Let us talk more about this video,

121. Smart Butt-Head, and not of my mother.

122. Is this the cowboy's wife?

123. I believe that it is called a horse, Smart Beavis.

124. I did not ask you to evaluate

125. the wife's appearance, Smart Butt-Head.

126. I'm just asking, are they married?

127. - Humor detected. - Yes, humorous.

128. Quite humorous.

129. Yes, yes, humorous in the way

130. of the belt of the borscht.

131. Yes, yes, and the mountainous region

132. of the Catskills. - Yes.

133. Let us now begin abducting, Smart Beavis.

134. Yes, yes, let it be so.

135. We must find a human to abduct, Smart Butt-Head.

136. Smart Beavis, observe.

137. And now, the winner

138. of the 35th annual chili cook-off,

139. Tom Anderson.

140. Thank you.

141. I owe it all to my brisket.

142. Observe, Smart Butt-Head.

143. We have arrived on the coronation day

144. of their king.

145. How fortuitous.

146. Let us seize him and take him to our ship.

147. Humorous, but also menacing, yes.

148. Yes, yes, mirthful and sinister as well, yes, yes.

149. It's a hell of a chili, Tom.

150. Well, thank you, Bob.

151. I'm just gonna go get a couple two more beers

152. out of my car to wash it down with.

153. Greetings, Your Majesty.

154. We salute you, oh royal one.

155. Well, thank you kindly.

156. Are you boys in one of them fraternal organizations?

157. My daddy was a proud member of the Elks Club.

158. Are you all Elks?

159. - You must come with us. - Now, please.

160. Hell, all right.

161. You know, I always wondered what you gotta do

162. to get invited to join the Elks in this town.

163. I guess you just gotta win a chili cook-off.

164. After you, Your Majesty.

165. Boy, this van of yours must be a custom job.

166. You do this yourself, or have it done?

167. We purchased it used from Smart Beavis' uncle.

168. Yes, yes, it had numerous issues

169. he did not disclose.

170. But no matter,

171. for you are now our captive.

172. Huh. - Hmm.

173. Is that boy gonna be all right now?

174. That was another whoopsie-daisy.

175. Trying it again.

176. Ah!

177. Humorous.

178. Humorous in a foreboding manner.

179. Yes, quite humorous, yes.

180. Very well, Smart Beavis.

181. We shall now perform scientific experiments

182. on this human.

183. Does that mean probe his anus?

184. That is what it means, and that is all that it means.

185. Prepare the machine.

186. Hmm.

187. How many anuses does a human have?

188. I believe one.

189. The machine is fully prepared.

190. Then let the science begin.

191. I think the machine is broken, Smart Butt-Head.

192. Do you know how to fix it?

193. No. Do you?

194. Well, I could probably get that working for you again.

195. Nine times out of ten, what you're looking at

196. is a bad motor coupling.

197. Well, the capacitor seems good. That's not it.

198. You know, I don't exactly remember

199. who you boys are or how I even got here.

200. Yes, your memory was wiped

201. with a mnemulator.

202. Well, I call it a case of senioritis.

203. I ain't never seen something like this before.

204. Must be made in Italy or something.

205. It is made in a universe beyond your comprehension.

206. Ah, well, then it's probably all metric.

207. Oh, here's your problem.

208. See, this wire housing just worked its way loose.

209. We just gotta tighten that up like so.

210. See, you take this into the shop,

211. and they see you got a custom van from Italy,

212. they're gonna say it needs all kinds of parts

213. and run the price up on you,

214. but it's just a loose housing.

215. So it works now?

216. It sure does.

217. So what's this thing do anyway?

218. It seals your doom.

219. What now?

220. Incapacitate him

221. and attach him to the probe.

222. Very well, but first, I shall wipe his memory

223. with a mnemulator.

224. Look at this device.

225. You might see a bright light.

226. Look at what now?

227. Whoops, I missed.

228. Where am I? Who are you?

229. What is your name?

230. Are you boys all right?

231. What is this device?

232. I do not remember it.

233. It seems I can fit inside it.

234. Yes, quite comfortable, yes.

235. Do you remember what this button does?

236. I do not. Please press it.

237. Agh! My anus.

238. Agh! There is a probing of my anus.

239. Sir, do you remember how to turn this machine off?

240. The device is unfolding something.

241. It is expanding. - This is quite humorous.

242. Well, I don't need to join the Elks Club that bad,

243. I tell you what.

244. That sounds like the kind of shenanigans

245. they do at the Moose Lodge.

246. There seems to be an unexpected intrusion

247. in my anus.

248. Its reach was much more further

249. than I had imagined.

250. I remember who I am now,

251. and it is making it worse.

252. My anus.