Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head 2x17

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Middle-aged Beavis and Butt-Head pose as vets for free beer.

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1. Butt-Head, it's my turn to ride the scooter.

2. We don't take turns, Beavis. We're not girls.

3. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Taking turns sucks.

4. Check it out, Beavis.

5. Those dudes have beers.

6. Let's go party with them.

7. I don't know, Butt-Head.

8. I think you have to be, like, an American or something

9. to go in there.

10. Uh, don't worry, dumb-ass. We can blend in.

11. Hold on there, boys.

12. This here's the Legion Hall,

13. and we're having a special get-together for Flag Day.

14. Service members only.

15. Uh, we're members.

16. Yeah, yeah, we're from America.

17. Well, I'm glad to hear it, but I'm talking about people

18. who laid it all on the line for this great country.

19. Were you in the service? - Uh, yeah.

20. We did, like, service.

21. Thank you, drive through.

22. Would you like the combo for a dollar more?

23. You boys wore the uniform?

24. Yeah, we had to wear a uniform.

25. There was a hat and everything.

26. It was, like, a long time ago,

27. but I remember that the training sucked,

28. and it was always hot,

29. and you never knew when a bunch of guys

30. would be all on your ass.

31. Yeah, there was one time when the shake machine—

32. Enough said, boys.

33. Save the war stories for your fellow servicemen.

34. Come on in, and enjoy the company.

35. - Kickass. - Oh, yeah.

36. Well, I tell you, there's no better way

37. to celebrate Flag Day than with a couple of cold ones.

38. Give me another beer.

39. Yeah, more of these nuts too.

40. Say, have y'all met Belvis and Bunhowzen here?

41. They served in—I guess it'd be the Desert Storm?

42. Yeah, like I was saying, there's that one time

43. the shake machine—

44. Did Gilmore tell you the story

45. about how he captured that there flag in Vietnam?

46. Uh, no.

47. Well, we were hoofing it through that godforsaken jungle

48. when, all of a sudden, the commies opened fire.

49. Fire, fire, fire!

50. You're still feeling it, ain't ya?

51. Yeah, he feels it all the time.

52. Yeah, yeah, yeah, boing!

53. I got a buddy who was in Desert Storm.

54. What battalion were you in?

55. - Uh... - What?

56. I said, what battalion were you in?

57. What's your battalion number, boys?

58. Uh...

59. 69.

60. Yeah, that's it.

61. The Fighting 69th.

62. Oh, you guys are the real deal.

63. Must have seen a lot of action.

64. Yeah, we like action.

65. Well, when you're in the 69,

66. you're gonna get plenty of action when it's going down.

67. Oh, boy, yeah.

68. They could lick anybody.

69. I heard in Iraq, the 69 saw action

70. from both sides at once.

71. Yeah, that's why they call it that.

72. Here, I'll draw you a picture.

73. Butt-Head explained it to me once.

74. See, the bottom of the six is the butt.

75. And then the nine is, like, the nads or something.

76. I don't know.

77. You can fool those old men in there,

78. but you can't fool me.

79. You were never in the 69th.

80. You guys are lying.

81. Uh, okay.

82. And I know why.

83. You're CIA.

84. Uh, what's that?

85. The C who?

86. I get it.

87. You're still keeping your cover, even now.

88. Cool, come on, drinks on me.

89. If anybody's earned it, it's you two.

90. Whoa, serving rocks.

91. So what'd you guys do, covert ops,

92. military intelligence?

93. Uh, probably intelligence.

94. It's, like, one of our specialties.

95. Yeah, there was this one time when the shake machine—

96. Belvis, Bunhowzen,

97. I think I speak for everyone when I say,

98. it'd be a real honor to have you be part

99. of our Flag Day ceremony

100. and raise Old Glory up on the pole out there.

101. Raise.

102. Pole.

103. Well, thank you.

104. This beauty dates back to the Spanish-American War.

105. She's a bona fide piece of American history.

106. We'll wait outside, give y'all some time

107. to get ready and whatnot.

108. - Let's do it, boys. - Yes, sir.

109. History sucks.

110. Yeah, really.

111. Oh, I'm looking forward to watching this video.

112. Fiat presents Ava Max, "Torn."

113. Okay.

114. How come they keep showing this car?

115. Well, Beavis, that's because it's the Fiat 500X,

116. the best mid-sized Sedan on the market today.

117. Really?

118. That's right, Beavis.

119. I guess it looks pretty cool, you know,

120. but it seems like a car like that,

121. like, a four-door, wouldn't have a whole lot

122. of pickup, you know, at the lights.

123. That's where you're wrong, Beavis, stupid and wrong.

124. The Fiat's 1.3 liter multi-air turbo engine

125. comes standard and is equipped

126. with fuel saving engine stop-start technology,

127. offering 177 horsepower to dominate the road ahead.

128. Wow, really? That sounds amazing!

129. But it is a little hard to believe, you know?

130. Well, the Fiat 500X will make a believer out of you, dumb-ass.

131. And you know what's even more shocking, Beavis?

132. You won't have sticker shock.

133. I don't know what that is,

134. so I probably won't have it anyway.

135. Damn it, Beavis.

136. Sticker shock means, like, it's super expensive.

137. And the Fiat 500X is very affordable.

138. But it's probably, like, made in some foreign country,

139. like over in Europe or something.

140. Most of the parts are made right here

141. in the good old USA,

142. providing jobs to people like you and me.

143. What, like you and me? We don't even have jobs.

144. No, we don't, and we never will.

145. But if we did, we'd be working on the Fiat 500X,

146. which "Car and Driver" recently called

147. "the ultimate thrill ride."

148. Could you see yourself driving this car, Beavis?

149. What does this car have to offer someone like me,

150. who had his license suspended?

151. Uh, it offers you nothing.

152. Fiat doesn't want you.

153. The Fiat is for winners only.

154. Do you see yourself with a bus pass,

155. while I bang your mom in the back seat

156. of the Fiat 500X, with its roomy interior.

157. Again, just like your mom.

158. Shut up, Butt-Head.

159. Uh, hey, Beavis.

160. Look outside and check and see

161. if there's a free Fiat out there.

162. Why would Fiat give you a free car?

163. Just go look.

164. See if you see a Fiat 500X.

165. I don't see anything, Butt-Head.

166. Uh, are you sure?

167. Yep, no cars out here at all.

168. Damn it, never mind.

169. Fiats suck.

170. It's a tiny crap wagon.

171. You'd never fit in one anyway, Butt-Head,

172. 'cause you're too fat.

173. Yeah.

174. Dang it, where are those two boys?

175. They probably wanted their speech to be just so.

176. Ah, they're fightin' men, not talking men.

177. Huh, well, that's mighty nice of 'em.

178. Hey, Butt-Head, wasn't there, like,

179. something we were gonna do or something?

180. Uh, oh, yeah.

181. I think we were gonna, like, hang a flag

182. on a pole thing or something.

183. Oh, yeah, yeah, where'd the flag go?

184. Uh...

185. it's gotta be around here somewhere.

186. - Oh, there it is. - Oh, yeah, that's it.

187. Old Glory.

188. Oh, here they come.

189. You know, I like this bar, Butt-Head.

190. People are really nice here, you know?

191. Yeah, they're, like, all American and stuff.

192. Yep.

193. - God damn it. - What the hell?

194. - Dear God. - You gotta be kidding me.

195. Did they just fly the Vietcong flag

196. over the American Legion Hall?

197. Can you, like, get us some more beer now?

198. Yeah, yeah, yeah, considering we just put

199. your flag up for free.

200. - Stolen valor! - God dang it!

201. I'll kick your ass.

202. This one's for Ho Chi Minh,

203. you son of a bitchin' bastard.

204. Hey, Butt-Head.

205. Since we're on this flagpole now,

206. I guess that means, like, we're Americans.

207. Uh...

208. I guess we are.

209. I guess you had to be in the Army to join that place.

210. Probably.