Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head 2x14

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Beavis and Butt-Head try to mail themselves to Spring Break.

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1. And that's the reason why human beings

2. have teeth in their mouth and not in their buttholes.

3. Oh, yeah? I never knew why that was.

4. Wow. Hee hee hee.

5. You're pretty smart, Butt-Head. Heh heh heh.

6. Yeah. Ha ha.

7. Uh, Butt-Head, the school is closed.

8. Ha. What's going on?

9. Uh... hmm.

10. It must be like spring break or something.

11. Isn't spring break when everyone, like, parties

12. on the beach and stuff?

13. How come we never do that?

14. Uh, I think you got to go to, like,

15. the Jersey Shore or something.

16. Where's the Jersey Shore?

17. Uh, I think it's in Florida. Hee hee hee.

18. Oh, yeah. Yeah, cool. Heh.

19. So like, um, how do you get to Florida?

20. Uh...

21. I think most people go with their bros or something.

22. Oh, cool, yeah. Hee hee.

23. Do we have bros?

24. Uh... no. Ha ha.

25. I think we're, like, too cool or something.

26. Whoa.

27. Beavis, I think I just thought of the coolest way

28. to get to Florida. - Oh, yeah. Yeah.

29. Okay, Beavis.

30. We're gonna mail ourselves to spring break.

31. Hee hee hee hee. This is gonna be cool.

32. Spring break, here we come.

33. Just gotta put a stamp on it.

34. Aah!

35. Hurry up, I think I hear the mail truck.

36. We're gonna party.

37. Spring break, here we come.

38. I can't believe this actually worked.

39. And it only cost $0.58.

40. Uh, are we almost to Florida, Butt-Head?

41. Uh... we better be,

42. or this mailman is a real butthole.

43. Uh...

44. Ahh... heh heh.

45. Uh, whoa.

46. Heh heh. Florida's even cooler than I thought.

47. Yeah. Feels really good to be on the beach, you know?

48. Boy, the ocean really smells terrible, doesn't it?

49. It's all the dumb-ass fish.

50. Well, um, where are all the chicks, Butt-Head?

51. Uh, I think they all sleep late,

52. because they're tired from scoring all night.

53. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right.

54. Well, when they wake up,

55. they're gonna wanna see a gun show.

56. So let's get down to it.

57. Here we go. Heh.

58. Come and get it. Yeah.

59. I'm just gonna lay down here and catch me some rays.

60. Oh, yeah.

61. Yeah, this is the life. Ow!

62. Ah!

63. I got, like, a nail in my back. Ah! Ha.

64. This place just gets cooler and cooler.

65. Ha ha. Now, let's go find some Jell-O shots or something.

66. Yeah, yeah.

67. Yeah, spring break kicks ass. Yeah.

68. Today we are visiting

69. the Reptile Discovery Center,

70. located in DeLand, Florida.

71. This location is also a Medtoxin Venom Laboratory.

72. Good morning, Carl. - Coyote, how you doing?

73. Welcome. - Good, how are you?

74. - Thank you for coming. - Mara.

75. Hey, Coyote. Welcome.

76. Oh, God. His name is Coyote?

77. Coyote is, like, Native American

78. for "lives in his car."

79. We have the capability to really pile it out...

80. - Oh, my gosh. - When they need to.

81. We are returning these snakes

82. to their natural habitat,

83. a plastic box from the Container Store.

84. Yeah, no, no, the snakes really like it in there.

85. They do, yeah.

86. Check it out, Butt-Head.

87. You know what I don't understand?

88. When they put the containers in the Container Store,

89. what do they put them in?

90. Because, um—because you know, really,

91. the Container Store itself is a container, you know?

92. Hee hee hee.

93. What's with these people, you know?

94. Heh heh heh heh.

95. Uh, are you trying to be funny?

96. Yeah. Yeah, I am. Heh heh heh.

97. I'm still working it out a little bit,

98. you know what I mean?

99. You can store things in the container,

100. and they sell it at the Container Store.

101. What's that about?

102. Heh heh heh. What about that, is that—

103. well, there's something there, you know 'cause... ha.

104. Because a store, you know, and the container—

105. let's see here.

106. Yeah. So the container was in the—

107. - Uh... - There's a...

108. What are you writing?

109. Oh this?

110. Oh, it's just a picture of a schlong, see?

111. You know, it's like a note to myself, you know.

112. I hope this snake bites you... hee hee...

113. so you'll die.

114. Oh, yeah.

115. Wow, that is a big eastern diamondback!

116. I think I just went to the bathroom

117. in my pants a little bit. Holy—

118. There's a bathroom in his pants?

119. He went to the bathroom in his pants

120. more than a little bit. - Whoa!

121. Yeah, yeah. The whole top part of his pants is soaked.

122. I'm just going to go like this, and—

123. I guess it's good to have a bathroom in your pants

124. if you live in your car, you know.

125. Heh heh heh heh. Oh, wait a second.

126. Wait, I think I got something here. Heh.

127. Yeah, yeah, you know, there's a bathroom in my pants,

128. and I'm in the Container Store, so my—

129. no, that's not it.

130. Oh, oh, yeah.

131. My pants contain a bathroom.

132. It's a container of— of pee, or something.

133. I-I'll work it out later on the road, you know.

134. But, um, heh, wanna...

135. yeah, but there's something here.

136. This is good, yeah.

137. Gotta draw another schlong here so I won't forget.

138. Now, Butt-Head, how come there's still no chicks

139. here at spring break? Hee hee.

140. They'll be here soon, Beavis.

141. And when they get here, they're gonna wanna chicken fight

142. with two hot dudes in the pool.

143. And then everyone falls in the water,

144. and one thing leads to another...

145. Oh, yeah. Ha.

146. Um, Butt-Head?

147. The water's, like, stinging my legs really bad.

148. Uh, do you need another Jell-O shot?

149. Uh, I don't think that was Jell-O, 'cause it was,

150. like, in an old milk carton.

151. And it was, like, gray.

152. Uh, I think it was gray

153. 'cause it had so much vodka in it.

154. Then I guess I'll have another one.

155. But, um, but Butt-Head, um,

156. what if the chicks aren't coming?

157. What if they're at a different beach,

158. having a wet T-shirt contest or a foam party or something,

159. and we're missing it?

160. Damn it, that butthole mailman

161. took us to the wrong beach.

162. Ugh. Oh, boy.

163. Well, Jersey Shore has gotta be around here somewhere.

164. Whoa, Butt-Head!

165. Let's take that car to Jersey Shore.

166. Oh, yeah. Hee hee.

167. Arrive in style.

168. In our new set of wheels, yeah.

169. Uh, chicks, here we come.

170. Do you think it'll start?

171. Who cares? Heh heh.

172. When the chicks see that we have our own car,

173. it won't even matter if it runs.

174. Whoa!

175. Whoa, here we go! It works.

176. And I think it's flying, too. Yeah.

177. Beavis, we are on our way to party our asses off.

178. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

179. Spring break kicks ass. Yeah. Heh heh.

180. Ladies, here we come.

181. Chirp.