Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head 1x21

Directed by John Achenbach

Beavis tries on yoga pants and can't get them off.

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1. - Ugh, damn it.

2. How the hell are we supposed to sleep with all this noise?

3. Eh.

4. What's it say, Butt-Head?

5. Uh,

6. "We re-serve the rig-hut to re-fussy..."

7. It says, "We reserve the right

8. to refuse service to anyone."

9. Uh...

10. It means employees can refuse service

11. to a customer who violates our policies.

12. - Uh... - Huh?

13. Like, if a customer creates

14. an unsafe or a hostile work environment.

15. Whoa, that would be cool.

16. - Yeah, unsafe kicks ass.

17. - Uh, wait a second.

18. So we can, like, refuse service to anyone we want?

19. No, only if they violate our policies

20. or create an unsafe or hostile work environment,

21. Cool.

22. Maybe work wouldn't suck so much

23. if it was unsafe and hostile.

24. - Yeah, motivation is cool.

25. These cheerleaders don't seem all that great, you know?

26. Yeah, really.

27. The cheerleaders at our school are better than this,

28. and half of 'em are pregnant.

29. Yeah, that's cool.

30. The coach is like, "Olivia Rodrigo,

31. "I've been noticing you've been half-assing it at practice.

32. "You're supposed to be

33. "cheering for the Fighting Dolphins,

34. not yelling about your boyfriend."

35. "When you wear this uniform, you rep the school.

36. "Now, if you wanna go burn down

37. "Your boyfriend's house,

38. you do it in your street clothes."

39. "This is not gonna help us beat the Wildcats."

40. Uh, what is that word, "sociopath"?

41. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

42. Yeah, I wonder what it means.

43. That school psychiatrist said I was one of those.

44. Oh, yeah, yeah.

45. But it didn't matter, 'cause I don't care about her at all.

46. Or anyone else, really.

47. I don't care about others.

48. You know, I would love

49. to have a girl be this mad at me

50. because that means that I scored with her before,

51. you know?

52. Yeah, no girl will ever be

53. this pissed off about you, Beavis.

54. Yeah, yeah.

55. No one's ever gonna burn down my house.

56. I guess I'll just have to do it myself.

57. - You'll die alone.

58. - Shut up, Butt-Head.

59. Hi, I want a bacon cheeseburger

60. with lettuce and tomato, but extra tomato,

61. and a vanilla shake,

62. and a large half-fries, half-onion rings.

63. Uh, I refuse.

64. What? Why?

65. You're, like, creating a work environment.

66. - But you work here.

67. Isn't this your job?

68. You just did it again, dumb-ass.

69. I'm sorry, sir.

70. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

71. Yeah, we'll have three regular hamburgers.

72. - Uh-huh. - No ketchup on one of them.

73. Ketchup sucks.

74. And we'll take two orders of fries.

75. Would you like to try our new Macho Hot Fries

76. for $1 more?

77. Sounds good.

78. You got all that?

79. No.

80. What do you mean, "No"?

81. I refuse.

82. I'm not gonna make it,

83. 'cause you're, like, violating our policies.

84. How exactly am I violating your policies?

85. Um, what's the policy again?

86. Would you just give us our food?

87. I think it's, like, you're being a butthole or something.

88. And, like, you suck.

89. Thank you. Drive through.

90. We won't be needing this anymore.

91. Can we have two junior burger meals

92. with the apple slices?

93. And I'll have a salad.

94. - Uh, no, you cannot. - We know our rights, ma'am.

95. - We sure do.

96. They're on that sign full of words.

97. Um, Butt-Head,

98. that's the sign that shows you how to choke somebody.

99. Okay, I wanna see the manager right now.

100. I refuse.

101. Ugh.

102. Yeah, and don't come back!

103. Thank you for choosing Burger World.

104. Hey, guys, we're here, and today, we've got some new items

105. to the studio, and I'm super, super excited about it.

106. I'm not quite sure what's in here.

107. Oh, this is that video where he unboxes real human skulls.

108. - Yeah, that's messed up.

109. If you're unboxing real human skulls,

110. you shouldn't start out with,

111. "Hey, guys, I'm super, super excited."

112. Yeah, really.

113. Your start out like—

114. Like that Crypt Keeper dude, you know?

115. Like, how he's always making puns, you know?

116. "Welcome, boils and ghouls."

117. "If you are watching, you just might get a head."

118. "Oh, what have we here?

119. This is to remind you to stay in skull."

120. Wait a minute.

121. Wait, where do they get these skulls?

122. Uh, from dead people.

123. Wait a minute, so he—so he's, like,

124. a serial killer or something?

125. Yeah.

126. "Breaking news: Police have just arrested a man

127. known as the dumb-ass-who-shows-off-

128. his-skulls-on-YouTube killer."

129. "Neighbors said he seems like a serial killer,

130. and he's got a bunch of skulls in his apartment."

131. "Neighbors said he would show off his skulls

132. "and say, 'Meet my new tomb-mate.'"

133. Yeah.

134. "Would you like to come into my apartment

135. and take a whiz in the bath-tomb?"

136. He's like...

137. "These skulls give me a bone-r."

138. You know, yeah, 'cause the bone is, like, you know—

139. skull is, like, a bone, you know.

140. - Uh, yes, I get it, Beavis.

141. Don't run it into the ground.

142. But I'm getting grave reviews.

143. I'm going to kick your ass.

144. Now shut up.

145. You know, yeah, wait a second.

146. I don't think I get that one.

147. This was an old, old preparation...

148. That guy, who the skull belong to, is like,

149. "You know, I lived a good life.

150. "I raised a family, and now this dumb-ass is playing

151. with my skull on YouTube."

152. Man, this is really messed up, Butt-Head.

153. Think maybe we should call the police?

154. Uh, nah.

155. It's not my problem.

156. - Oh, yeah.

157. Yeah, it's not my skull.

158. I hope you guys enjoy it. Ciao.

159. "Ciao.

160. I'm gonna go chow down on some human flesh."

161. Uh, can I get a double cheeseburger, large fries,

162. and a root beer?

163. Yes, you can,

164. but not here.

165. I refuse.

166. Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

167. There's a hot chick in line. Check her out.

168. Should I refuse her?

169. Whoa, she's creating a hostile environment

170. in my pants.

171. Hey, yeah, really.

172. It's getting unsafe in there.

173. Let me handle this, Beavis.

174. Um, I guess I could let you handle it.

175. But I was kind of hoping the hot chick would—

176. I thought you meant—

177. Ahh!

178. Stop it. Don't you ever—

179. - Ah-ah-oh!

180. Get out there.

181. What's this about you guys refusing to serve people?

182. Nothing could be further from the truth, ma'am.

183. I'll have Beavis bring you everything

184. from our entire menu.

185. I am servicing the right to reserve you.

186. Uh, and allow me to provide you a little entertainment.

187. Check this out.

188. Uh, you, and, uh, you over there,

189. we reserve the right to refuse you service,

190. unless you fight.

191. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

192. Fight.

193. Winner gets to eat, yeah.

194. And the loser shall be refused.

195. That is our right, and we reserve it.

196. This is bullshit.

197. I'm not gonna hurt this guy for a lousy cheeseburger.

198. Yeah, except, you know, you wouldn't hurt me.

199. Ooh!

200. He just said he can kick your ass.

201. You'll be on the floor in about five seconds.

202. - Yeah, fight, fight! - You wanna go?

203. You wanna go?

204. - Yeah. - Yeah.

205. Kick his ass.

206. Worldstar.

207. Hey!

208. Well, we did it, Beavis.

209. This place is an unsafe and hostile work environment.

210. Yeah, manager's gonna be really proud of us, you know?

211. It's a good thing he put up that sign.

212. I guess it's not up anymore.

213. Oh, there it is.

214. Butt-Head, the sign broke.

215. Eh, damn it.

216. Now we have to serve people again.

217. Yeah, this job sucks.