Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head 1x20

Directed by John Achenbach

The boys discover they have the right to refuse service to customers at Burger World.

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1. That statue kicks ass.

2. Yeah, yeah.

3. What kind of pants are those?

4. They're yoga pants, dumb-ass.

5. Everybody knows that.

6. Well, that statue sure looks good in those yoga pants.

7. - It sure does.

8. Yoga pants.

9. Mm.

10. Um, Butt-Head?

11. I wonder if I would look sexy in yoga pants.

12. Yeah.

13. Everyone looks sexy in yoga pants.

14. Yeah, except for you, Beavis,

15. 'cause you're disgusting.

16. No way, Butt-Head.

17. You heard what she said.

18. I'm gonna listen to a chick and not you.

19. I'm gonna go get some yoga pants,

20. and then I shall score.

21. You've seen it before, but not on this scale.

22. I thought we all needed cheering up, myself included.

23. So I know how you love a little bit of rock cooking.

24. I thought I'd go OTT with it.

25. You know—you know, Butt-Head, um,

26. sometimes I worry that I'll never score, you know?

27. But, um—

28. but this guy will never score.

29. Yeah, I don't see how he could.

30. Is this the outback or something?

31. He's in the outback

32. 'cause his wife kicked him out,

33. and now he's living out back behind his mom's house.

34. "Mom, can I play breakfast in the backyard again?"

35. This guy's survival skill, is it, like, if he runs out

36. of food, he just goes to his mom's house

37. and gets a bunch of stuff out of the fridge?

38. And then he just goes into the backyard

39. and cooks it all, yeah.

40. On one of those tiles from the roof, yeah.

41. Why didn't he just, like, get some Froot Loops

42. or something?

43. This breakfast is a cry for help.

44. He made a face out of eggs and sausage

45. 'cause he's lonely.

46. "Let's make some pancake boobs here."

47. He's like, "I'm cooking for two

48. "in case Jennifer comes back. Has anyone seen her?

49. No? Well, that means more for me."

50. This is turning out to be a great day

51. without Jennifer, and many more to come, yeah.

52. " Yeah, my ex-wife likes oranges,

53. so I guess I'll make her some orange juice.

54. And I'll make it here in her sawed-off leg bone.

55. That was lovely.

56. Yup, all good things must come to an end,

57. like this filthy breakfast and my marriage of 14 months.

58. Come on, Butt-Head. This is getting too sad.

59. Yeah.

60. "And now I filled this backpack with rocks,

61. and I'm just gonna go walk into the ocean."

62. - Yeah.

63. "In the next episode, you'll be seeing an outback funeral."

64. "Let me know if she's there."

65. "She'll probably cry, and then she'll regret

66. running off with her college roommate."

67. Yeah.

68. She'll be like, "You know, if I hadn't left him,

69. "he'd still be alive and cooking me a filthy breakfast

70. on a rock."

71. "And don't forget, if you like this video,

72. can you please go find my wife?"

73. Just smash that find-my-wife button.

74. Go get me some yoga pants.

75. Ooh, yeah.

76. Uh, here you go, Beavis.

77. Um, those look kind of small, Butt-Head.

78. Of course they look small, dumb-ass.

79. That's because they, like, stretch and stuff so that

80. they can, like, rearrange your butt or something.

81. Oh, yeah, yeah. That makes sense, yeah.

82. This is gonna be cool.

83. - Okay.

84. I'll take these off.

85. Here we go.

86. Ah.

87. Hey, how's it going?

88. Hey, Butt-Head, I'm, like, naked in a place

89. that, like, chicks have been naked in.

90. Cool.

91. - Boing, oing, oing.

92. Okay, okay.

93. - Put these bad boys on.

94. About halfway there.

95. Son of a bitch!

96. Okay.

97. Here we go.

98. How do I look?

99. Uh, Beavis?

100. Pretty sexy.

101. - Uh, Beavis?

102. - Yeah, I'd tap that.

103. Yeah—ooh.

104. Uh, Beavis, it looks like you don't have any nads.

105. What? What're you talking about?

106. Or a schlong.

107. No way, Butt-Head. My schlong is right—

108. No, what happened to my nads?

109. I know they're in there 'cause these pants

110. are really making 'em hurt.

111. Uh, you better take 'em off

112. before any chicks see you, Beavis.

113. That's embarrassing.

114. They won't come off, Butt-Head.

115. My wiener's going numb.

116. Just get ahold of yourself, Beavis.

117. Hold of yourself.

118. I can't get 'em off. Ahh!

119. You gotta help me, Butt-Head.

120. These pants are cutting off oxygen to my schlong.

121. Hmm, we need to find a place that sells schlong oxygen.

122. No, we gotta find something to get 'em off

123. before my wiener dies.

124. Damn it.

125. We just need to, like, oil 'em up,

126. and then they'll just slide right off.

127. Now just wait over there.

128. I'll be right back.

129. Care to try our new olive oils from Tuscany?

130. Okay, Beavis, I got you some oil,

131. and it has Tuscany in it.

132. What's that?

133. I don't know, but it'll grease you up good.

134. Open up your pants.

135. It's not working, Butt-Head.

136. That's 'cause you need some muscle, dumb-ass.

137. Hold on to that thing, and let a real man do this.

138. Uh, Butt-Head, Butt-Head.

139. Butt-Head, I'm starting to slip.

140. Hold on, dumb-ass.

141. - I can't. - Almost got it.

142. No, Butt-Head.

143. No, no, no—oh, no!

144. Ahh!

145. That was cool.

146. I can't get up, Butt-Head.

147. Ow, ah.

148. It just keeps going down.

149. Uh, don't worry, Beavis. I'm gonna go get help.

150. Ow.

151. Going down.

152. Oh, yeah.

153. Eh, but really, Butt-Head, come on.

154. Ah, ow, ah.

155. Uh, excuse me.

156. We need help and stuff.

157. What's the problem?

158. Uh, my friend has no nads.

159. Ah, ow, ah, ow, ah!

160. Uh, he says he doesn't know how to help you, Beavis.

161. Damn it.

162. Well, I'll see you at home.

163. - Let me know how it turns out.

164. - Okay, see you later.

165. Damn it.

166. Ah, ow. Ah, ow.

167. Ah!

168. Damn it.

169. - Good morning. - Good morning.

170. Chirp.