1. Hey, how's it going?
Copy !req
2. Do you have any matches?
- No.
Copy !req
3. - How about a lighter?
- No.
Copy !req
4. Because it says
you have fire wings.
Copy !req
5. Get out of here, kid.
Copy !req
6. Damn it. Fartknocker.
Copy !req
7. Huh, let's go have a look.
Copy !req
8. Whoa, fire!
Yeah, yeah!
Copy !req
9. Yeah, fire!
Fire!
Copy !req
10. Fire! Fire!
Copy !req
11. Hello, Beavis.
Copy !req
12. I have been waiting for you.
Copy !req
13. I am Fire.
Copy !req
14. Whoa, yeah, fire!
Yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
15. You, like—you kick ass. Yeah.
Copy !req
16. I have great power, yes.
Copy !req
17. Yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute.
Copy !req
18. So, like—so you can talk?
Copy !req
19. I have always been able
to talk to you, Beavis.
Copy !req
20. Remember?
Copy !req
21. Beavis, it is I, Fire.
Copy !req
22. Look upon my fearful glory.
Copy !req
23. Fire.
Copy !req
24. Yeah, fire.
Copy !req
25. Um, Fire, do you remember
when I put an M-80
Copy !req
26. in Mr. Anderson's mailbox
and it started a big fire?
Copy !req
27. Yes, that was me.
Copy !req
28. Remember when I found
my first lighter
Copy !req
29. and it was, like, fire. Yeah.
Copy !req
30. I remember.
I am Fire.
Copy !req
31. Have you ever been
in a volcano?
Copy !req
32. I am in all the volcanoes.
Copy !req
33. And what
about that forest fire?
Copy !req
34. Yeah.
- That was a great day.
Copy !req
35. Yeah, Smokey the Bear sucks. Yeah.
Copy !req
36. It's not his fault.
I killed his parents.
Copy !req
37. He's just trying
to mend the hole
Copy !req
38. in his heart that I put there.
Copy !req
39. You're cool, yeah.
Copy !req
40. Quite so.
Copy !req
41. And you, Beavis,
Copy !req
42. are my special one.
Copy !req
43. - Fire, fire!
- Fire.
Copy !req
44. Now, Beavis, listen to me.
Copy !req
45. I am going to command you,
Copy !req
46. and you will do
exactly as I say.
Copy !req
47. Yes, Fire, tell me what
to do, and I will obey, yeah.
Copy !req
48. Very good.
Copy !req
49. Now, Beavis, go to your school
Copy !req
50. and run four times
around the track.
Copy !req
51. That will be one mile.
Copy !req
52. Um, that's what
you want me to do?
Copy !req
53. Yes.
Copy !req
54. Okay,
I guess that's pretty cool.
Copy !req
55. Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna run, yeah.
Copy !req
56. Now, be gone!
Copy !req
57. Fire, fire!
Copy !req
58. Yeah, fire.
Fire, yeah, fire.
Copy !req
59. Hey, Fire, I'm back.
Copy !req
60. Did you run
around the track four times,
Copy !req
61. completing a distance
of one mile?
Copy !req
62. Yes, Fire, yes.
I did as you command, yes.
Copy !req
63. Very good, my loyal servant.
Copy !req
64. So, Fire, um, why did you
command me to do that?
Copy !req
65. It was good exercise.
Copy !req
66. You needed it.
Copy !req
67. Well, I guess so.
Copy !req
68. I don't know.
I mean, if you say so.
Copy !req
69. Butt-Head
doesn't understand us, does he?
Copy !req
70. My special one,
Copy !req
71. what we have, what I am?
Copy !req
72. No, he doesn't.
Yeah, he sucks.
Copy !req
73. Yeah, let's burn him. Yeah.
Copy !req
74. Hmm, perhaps, in good time,
Copy !req
75. but not today,
Copy !req
76. for I have for you
a second command.
Copy !req
77. Yes, command me.
Copy !req
78. Yeah, that first one
was just a warm-up. Yeah.
Copy !req
79. Look around you, Beavis.
Copy !req
80. The streets of the city
are crawling with filth,
Copy !req
81. but you and I know
what to do about filth,
Copy !req
82. don't we, Beavis?
Copy !req
83. Yes! Yeah!
Yeah, fire!
Copy !req
84. I command you
Copy !req
85. to pick up all of the
plastic bottles in this alley
Copy !req
86. and put them in the recycling
Copy !req
87. and then the same
for the surrounding streets!
Copy !req
88. Really? Um, you command me
to do that?
Copy !req
89. - Obey me!
- Okay, okay. Yeah.
Copy !req
90. Yeah, fire. Okay.
Copy !req
91. Get this here.
Copy !req
92. Get one of these.
Copy !req
93. No, not the regular trash!
Copy !req
94. The blue one!
- Okay, okay.
Copy !req
95. Beavis, here's a
little something
Copy !req
96. for you from Cale Dodds.
Copy !req
97. Yeah, this is country,
I can tell, yeah.
Copy !req
98. I can tell because he said
"down a two lane."
Copy !req
99. And there's, like, a story.
Copy !req
100. I think that's the guy
who makes "Family Guy."
Copy !req
101. I didn't know he was
a country singer, too, yeah.
Copy !req
102. Whoa, he's trying to score
at breakfast.
Copy !req
103. Yeah, and didn't work, yeah.
Copy !req
104. Well, you know, there's always
lunch and dinner.
Copy !req
105. Uh, okay, he's like,
"Okay, I can handle this."
Copy !req
106. Uh, hello, I'm country star
Cale Dodds.
Copy !req
107. I used to be a loser like you.
Copy !req
108. Uh, I mean, not like you, exactly.
Copy !req
109. Yeah, you know what I mean,
um, I was in a band.
Copy !req
110. All the chicks liked me
and all that, you know.
Copy !req
111. I was nothing like you.
Copy !req
112. You're a loser.
Copy !req
113. He's like, you see,
your problem is this sweater.
Copy !req
114. Yeah, just get rid
of the sweater,
Copy !req
115. and that chick'll come
right over here
Copy !req
116. and get it on with you right
in the middle of Applebee's.
Copy !req
117. Uh, this is like
all those movies
Copy !req
118. where, like,
the good-looking cool guy
Copy !req
119. teaches the dork how to score,
Copy !req
120. and he, like, trains him.
Copy !req
121. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Copy !req
122. He's grooming him.
Copy !req
123. He's like, you know,
now that I paid for your meal,
Copy !req
124. why don't you come back
to my place
Copy !req
125. and try on some clothes
for me?
Copy !req
126. Yeah.
Copy !req
127. He's gonna wind up
in a shallow grave.
Copy !req
128. They told us about these kind
of guys in health class.
Copy !req
129. All the warning signs
were there.
Copy !req
130. They may come across
as friendly at first.
Copy !req
131. They might even sing you
a country song.
Copy !req
132. But beware.
Copy !req
133. They might
buy your breakfast,
Copy !req
134. but that breakfast isn't free.
Copy !req
135. Here's what happened
to a young man
Copy !req
136. who went home with Cale Dodds.
Copy !req
137. So, like,
does this video mean
Copy !req
138. that if you change your shirt,
you'll score with chicks?
Copy !req
139. - Yeah, that's ridiculous!
Copy !req
140. Because I have
the coolest shirt
Copy !req
141. you could possibly have,
and I still don't score.
Copy !req
142. Uh, the only way
he can score
Copy !req
143. is to go to a club
and sit around
Copy !req
144. and wait for a girl to trip
and fall over.
Copy !req
145. Yeah, maybe I should
try that.
Copy !req
146. As soon as the director
says "cut,"
Copy !req
147. that hot girl's gonna
leave the dork
Copy !req
148. and go score with Cale Dodds.
Copy !req
149. And then the dork
is gonna go home alone,
Copy !req
150. put on a new shirt,
and spank his monkey.
Copy !req
151. Now that's a country song.
Copy !req
152. Um, okay, Fire, um,
so I picked up all the bottles.
Copy !req
153. Very good.
Very good indeed.
Copy !req
154. Yeah, I guess it was fine.
I don't know.
Copy !req
155. Beavis, are you ready
to obey my next command?
Copy !req
156. Yes, Fire, yes!
Copy !req
157. And something cool
this time maybe. Yeah.
Copy !req
158. I think you'll find this
very cool.
Copy !req
159. You could say
I was just getting warmed up.
Copy !req
160. Now, listen closely
Copy !req
161. to what you shall do.
Copy !req
162. Yeah!
I'm listening closely. Yeah.
Copy !req
163. You will go
and read "Call of the Wild"
Copy !req
164. and write
a two-page report on it.
Copy !req
165. Um, what?
Copy !req
166. Now do my bidding.
Copy !req
167. Use topic sentences!
Copy !req
168. Um, Fire, um, why are you
making me do this stuff?
Copy !req
169. You are
my special one, Beavis.
Copy !req
170. Uh-huh.
Copy !req
171. And it's about time
you applied yourself.
Copy !req
172. It's one thing to screw
around in middle school,
Copy !req
173. but you are almost at the point
where it counts for colleges.
Copy !req
174. Oh, boy.
Copy !req
175. Now go
Copy !req
176. before I make it five pages!
Copy !req
177. Um, just wait here
a second. Yeah.
Copy !req
178. Um, did you know there's a fire
in the garbage back there?
Copy !req
179. Again?
Copy !req
180. Yeah, there it is.
Copy !req
181. What?
Copy !req
182. No, Beavis, no.
Stop him, Beavis.
Copy !req
183. The pain!
I'm being extinguished!
Copy !req
184. Punish him that dare...
Copy !req
185. Oh, please.
Copy !req
186. It doesn't have to be
two pages...
Copy !req
187. just three paragraphs.
Copy !req
188. Remember the M-80s.
Copy !req
189. So cold.
Copy !req
190. Thanks, kid.
Copy !req
191. And there was
so much left to burn.
Copy !req
192. Farewell, my special one.
Copy !req
193. That fire sucked.
Copy !req
194. Whoa, cool.
Copy !req
195. Yeah, fire!
Copy !req
196. Fire. Fire, fire!
Copy !req
197. Chirp.
Copy !req