Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head 1x15

Directed by Geoffrey Johnson

Ross Marquand as Juror (voice) • Chi McBride as Judge (voice) • Carlos Alazraqui as Juror #2 (voice) • Toks Olagundoye as Juror #6 (voice) • Mary Birdsong as Juror #3 / News Reporter (voice)

Middle-aged Beavis and Butt-Head fulfill their civic duty as jurors.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

2. you've heard all the evidence.

3. The man before you is accused of serious crimes.

4. And now he will be judged by you,

5. a jury of his peers.

6. Pee-ers.

7. You may begin your deliberations.

8. I have faith in you.

9. Okay, the evidence is pretty overwhelming.

10. It clearly shows the defendant robbed a Maxi-Mart at gunpoint,

11. threw a keg of beer through the front window,

12. and got away with $600 and five cartons of cigarettes.

13. Whoa, that guy sounds pretty cool.

14. I wanna meet him.

15. Yeah, really.

16. Yeah, they should've brought him to this trial.

17. Wouldn't have been so boring.

18. He was at the trial.

19. He was sitting at that table the whole time,

20. You mean that guy in the black dress?

21. That old wuss robbed a store?

22. No, that's the judge.

23. The defendant robbed the store.

24. Oh.

25. Well, the defendant kicks ass.

26. Okay.

27. Well, we all heard the eyewitness

28. and saw the surveillance video.

29. Unless anyone objects,

30. I think we should go ahead and vote on all counts.

31. Guilty.

32. - Guilty. - Guilty.

33. Guilty.

34. - Guilty. - Guilty.

35. Guilty.

36. - Guilty. - Guilty.

37. Uh, not guilty.

38. Yeah, yeah, not guilty. Yeah, that's right.

39. What do you mean he's not guilty?

40. Uh, I'm gonna, like, vote for him

41. 'cause he's, like, cool. - Yeah, yeah.

42. Yeah, 'cause he did all those cool crimes.

43. You guys saw it.

44. So you believe he did the crimes.

45. Oh, yeah, yeah.

46. They were cool.

47. So then that means he's guilty.

48. That's your opinion, ma'am.

49. Wh—what are you saying?

50. Uh, what I'm saying is this guy's cool.

51. He did kick-ass crimes.

52. Yeah, he was brave.

53. I'd like to see any of you try those cool crimes.

54. But that's what the word "guilty" means.

55. He did the crimes.

56. So both of you are voting "guilty," right?

57. Boy, Butthead, this lady just doesn't get it.

58. Wow. - Yeah.

59. I guess we're gonna be here a while.

60. So we get $14 a day for this? That's not bad.

61. This looks like one of those videos

62. where they're trying to sell a house.

63. Yeah, like that time we went to that open house

64. to get free cookies

65. and they made us watch a video.

66. Yeah. She was like,

67. "Can I answer any questions about the property?"

68. Yeah, yeah. "Um, I was wondering,

69. are there any whores in this house?"

70. "Yes, there are.

71. There are several whores in this house."

72. "The house does include a big ol' butt on the wall,

73. "and lots of boobs.

74. And a tiger."

75. "Oh, and the tigers are also whores.

76. And they are included."

77. "The schools are fantastic,

78. "there's some whores in this house,

79. and the roof is brand new."

80. "The house also has an Olympic-sized pool

81. that's one foot deep."

82. "Yeah, it's great for little kids

83. "or whores, you know.

84. Or both, you know."

85. "Uh, ma'am, I have a question about the plumbing.

86. I've heard it can get wet and gushy in here."

87. "Uh, yes, sir, it can,

88. "and that's just because of the whores, you know.

89. There are some whores in this house, you know."

90. You know, that's really disgusting, Butthead.

91. I mean, it's okay for grownups

92. but they should make a clean version of this song.

93. You know, like, "damp vagina," or—I mean, not that,

94. but you know, like— but maybe that.

95. I mean, you know, "damp vagina,"

96. kinda has a ring to it, you know.

97. Kinda romantic.

98. Well, I wish we had some whores in this house.

99. I guess.

100. I don't even know where we'd put 'em though, you know?

101. Does this couch fold out?

102. Uh... I don't know.

103. It doesn't matter anyway.

104. There's no whores in this house.

105. All right, let's go through the charges one at a time.

106. First, the charge of attempted manslaughter.

107. "Manslaughter," that's pretty cool.

108. Manslaughter.

109. - The eyewitness says he saw— - Manslaughter!

110. - The eyewitness says— - The slaughter of man!

111. Sorry, sorry. Go—go ahead. Proceed.

112. The eyewitness says he saw the defendant

113. point the gun directly— - Manslaughter!

114. God dammit! Will you shut the hell up?

115. Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry.

116. It's just, you know, "manslaughter."

117. Maybe if we watch the surveillance video again

118. it'll help these two make up their minds.

119. Good idea.

120. Oh, hey, hey, check it out.

121. It's that cool guy again. - Yeah.

122. Maybe he'll actually shoot someone this time.

123. Yeah, and then he'll be guilty of manslaughter.

124. This is the same video you already watched.

125. Just shut up and pay attention.

126. Wait, I see something.

127. Stop the tape.

128. Don't you all see that?

129. Look closer.

130. Wait a second. He's right.

131. Look at his neck tattoo.

132. It's different than the defendant's.

133. It's the same. It's a devil tattoo.

134. No, look, those horns are curved.

135. The defendant's has straight horns,

136. That tattoo kicks ass,

137. but what I saw was something even more important.

138. Take a closer look.

139. This guy's butt crack is showing.

140. He's just walking around with his butt hanging out.

141. It was in the courtroom.

142. Right, that's the eyewitness.

143. He said he could clearly identify the defendant,

144. but look where he is.

145. There's no way he could've gotten a good look.

146. Oh, my God, he's blocked by the shelves.

147. He can't see a thing.

148. Well, I'll be.

149. Everyone saw his butt.

150. His butt was on the news.

151. This changes everything. It's an open and shut case.

152. Well, I can't believe I'm saying this,

153. but I think we owe these two jurors our thanks

154. for making us slow down and consider all the evidence.

155. Without them, we would've sent an innocent man to jail.

156. Let's vote again.

157. Not guilty. - Not guilty.

158. Not guilty.

159. - Not guilty. - Not guilty.

160. Not guilty.

161. - Not guilty. - Not guilty.

162. Not guilty.

163. - Not guilty. - Not guilty.

164. Guilty.

165. Yeah, guilty.

166. But you helped us prove he's not the right guy.

167. Exactly.

168. He pretended to be cool,

169. and for that, he must pay the price.

170. Yeah, put him in the slammer!

171. You can't just go around and pretend to be cool

172. and have cops arrest you

173. just so that the chicks will be impressed

174. and then come in here in a black dress

175. and bang a hammer all over the place.

176. No way!

177. I'm tired of coddling these people.

178. And they're a burden on the system!

179. God dammit.

180. That's what I'm talking about.

181. Just makes me feel manslaughter.

182. How to escape if you're zip tied to a tree.

183. Both your hands and your feet.

184. All right, so what we're gonna do is,

185. like my other videos,

186. I'm gonna drive my elbows back

187. towards the side of my ribcage.

188. What's she talking about, Butthead?

189. This is, like, a helpful video

190. trying to teach people how to, uh—

191. how to, uh, tie their shoes or something.

192. Yeah, I should pay attention.

193. 'Cause, like, I tied my shoes like three years ago

194. and I just, like, put 'em on and take 'em off,

195. you know, like, already tied.

196. Yeah, I don't have time for that, you know.

197. Oh, really? So do I.

198. Oh, wow, really?

199. We should hang out or something.

200. So we're gonna tie both shoelaces,

201. okay, into a knot. See how I've done that?

202. Uh, no, I don't see.

203. You know, whenever anyone explains anything to me,

204. and they ask if I understand,

205. I always say yes, but I never understand.

206. Uh, really?

207. You've never understood anything?

208. Nope.

209. Never.

210. Never have, never will.

211. You know, um, you know, people think I do

212. because, like, when they're talking,

213. you know, I just go, "Uh-huh, yeah, mm-hmm.

214. Okay, seems reasonable."

215. But really I'm just trying to make 'em stop talking,

216. you know, and eventually, it always works.

217. And they have no idea

218. that everything just went in one ear and out the other.

219. I couldn't drive my legs obviously, because my—

220. You know, um, I think understanding things is, like,

221. overrated, you know, 'cause, um—

222. 'cause here I am.

223. I'm doing just fine, you know.

224. Out here killin' it.

225. Stay safe.

226. The suspect in the Highland Maxi-Mart robbery,

227. Darryl Britney Williamson, went free today

228. after his trial ended in a hung jury.

229. The decision came as a shock— - Whoa, "hung jury"?

230. She's talking about us, Beavis.

231. Whoa! How'd they know?

232. I didn't pull my schlong out once.

233. I mean, I don't think I did.

234. Oh, wait, maybe—yeah.

235. Authorities now believe he is responsible

236. for a string of manslaughters

237. committed immediately upon his release.

238. He remains at large.

239. We ran out of our $14 of beer, Butthead.

240. How do we get on jury duty again?

241. Uh...

242. I think we have to, like, rob a store or something.

243. Eh, I'm kinda tired, Butthead.

244. Let's do it tomorrow.

245. - First thing tomorrow.

246. Yep.