Mike Judge's Beavis and Butt-Head 1x14

Directed by John Achenbach

Suzanne Cryer as Nurse (voice) • Toks Olagundoye as Marcie / Doctor (voice)

Beavis and Butt-Head perform their first ever good deed by putting DDT in the punch at the school dance.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Well, I hope to see everyone tonight

2. at the school dance.

3. The Dance Committee worked really hard

4. decorating the gym, okay?

5. Hey, are you dorks going to the dance?

6. Uh, no.

7. We're gonna drink beer and kick some ass.

8. Yeah, yeah, yeah, drinking beer and kicking ass.

9. Yeah.

10. Um, Butt-Head, we don't have any beer.

11. We don't have any ass either.

12. Go kick that grasshopper's ass

13. while I figure out how to get some beer.

14. Okay, um...

15. Let's see, um...

16. which part is his ass? Okay, here we go.

17. Butt-Head, help!

18. You got some insect pests in your lot there, do you?

19. Uh, can you, like, shut up?

20. Beavis is trying to kick this bug's ass.

21. Well, that's not gonna get rid of 'em.

22. You need some pesticide. Here, follow me.

23. Yeah, the American pesticides don't work anymore

24. because of the goddamn hippie environmentalists,

25. so I drove down to Mexico

26. and got some good, old fashioned DDT.

27. It's getting so Mexico is the only place

28. you can be an American anymore.

29. Yeah, just don't touch it now. It's real poisonous.

30. What is that stuff?

31. Uh, well, let's see.

32. That says something in Spanish. Uh, and that's a fly.

33. Whoa, Spanish, fly.

34. This is Spanish fly.

35. Um, and what's that?

36. That's, like, a "after-disiac"

37. It, like, makes people who want to drink it

38. want to score.

39. Yeah, but I already want to score.

40. So do I, Beavis, but wouldn't it be

41. a better world if everyone was like us?

42. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, then everyone

43. would be scoring all the time.

44. Yeah.

45. Beavis, we could make the world a better place.

46. Those are two good boys out there, I tell you what.

47. Not like those other two who live around here,

48. Travis and Burt.

49. Mm-hmm.

50. This is gonna be cool.

51. Before we set off on our journey,

52. let's relax and get comfortable.

53. You may notice your breath.

54. You may notice your breath.

55. Boy, this guy is a creepy perv.

56. You may notice your head and neck

57. relaxing onto your pillow...

58. You may notice yourself

59. watching a horrible, boring video that sucks.

60. This reminds me of that pervy guy

61. at the model train store that always takes you camping.

62. Shut up, Butt-Head. He's not pervy.

63. And you may not notice my hands

64. even getting lower.

65. Shut up, Butt-Head.

66. He's just a little handsy.

67. You know, he just likes to sniff hair

68. and rub shoulders and stuff like that, you know.

69. This evening on the way to sleep,

70. we'll be travelling from Rouen to Evreux.

71. We'll be traveling from "rugh" to "abugh"

72. Yeah, and we'll be stopping off

73. at "bleugh-ugh"...

74. To use the bathroom and have a shake or something.

75. What language is that?

76. Uh, I think it's, like, French.

77. Oh, yeah, yeah.

78. I think, to speak French, you have to, like,

79. drink a bunch of milk and get all this, like,

80. phlegm in your throat so you can start going

81. Yeah, yeah.

82. Whoa, that's pretty good, Beavis.

83. Where did you learn to do that?

84. Um, my grandpa used to speak French

85. when he got up in the morning.

86. He'd be like...

87. And also, like, once a week when he was locked

88. in the room with Grandma.

89. Ooh, ah, ooh.

90. Bleh, bleh, ugh, ugh!

91. Uh, so what does that mean?

92. I think he was saying, like, "This sucks" or something.

93. Spanish fly is cool.

94. I think it, like, melted my shoe or something.

95. You won't need that shoe when you score, Beavis.

96. Yeah, everyone in the school is gonna drink this stuff,

97. and then everyone is gonna score.

98. Yeah.

99. Shoes will become a thing of the past.

100. Yeah, yeah, and pants too.

101. They will call us heroes.

102. You know, Butt-Head, I just wanna say, um,

103. it feels really good to do something nice

104. for other people. You know what I mean?

105. Now let's give it a little flavor here.

106. Huh.

107. Where'd it go?

108. Um, I think my foot is bleeding.

109. Just look at all those people, Beavis.

110. They have no idea that tonight they shall score.

111. This is the most nicest thing we have ever done.

112. I don't even need anyone to thank us, yeah.

113. Just feels good to do it, you know?

114. - That's right, Beavis.

115. Everyone having sex with each other

116. right here in the gym will be its own reward.

117. Yeah, yeah, this is the true meaning of Christmas.

118. Yeah.

119. Yeah.

120. Um, Butt-Head, do you think it might run out later,

121. and then we don't get any, and then we don't get to score?

122. Uh, I don't know.

123. I'm gonna have a little now just in case.

124. Ugh.

125. Good idea.

126. Ooh!

127. Um, Butt-Head, it doesn't taste very good.

128. That's the taste of scoring, dumb-ass,

129. and if you don't like it,

130. then maybe scoring's not for you.

131. Ugh!

132. No.

133. No, I like it. It tastes good.

134. I think it was just that damn orange

135. I put in there.

136. Yeah, that's good.

137. I think it's, like, scoring in my mouth

138. or something maybe. I don't know, hm.

139. Uh, you drank more than me, butthole.

140. Now we're even. - No way, Butt-Head!

141. That was more than me!

142. Ugh, ah!

143. Now we're even, yeah. - No, we're not.

144. You didn't count that stuff that was on your shoe.

145. No way, Butt-Head, that's not fair.

146. Uh, I don't feel so good.

147. - Yeah, me too, yeah.

148. Maybe we'll feel better after we score.

149. - Oh, yeah.

150. Help yourself to some punch, ladies.

151. It'll make the world a better place.

152. Uh, wait a minute,

153. some greedy butthole drank it all.

154. You know, you know, some people just don't care

155. about others, you know? It's sad.

156. Oh, what happened to the festive punch I made?

157. There was organic apple juice in it and—

158. Oh, my.

159. Breakfast sucks.

160. I mean, it's not my favorite meal,

161. but, um, I'd say it's in my top three.

162. She needs, like, more auto-tune on her voice.

163. Yeah, I don't think that's auto-tune, Butt-Head.

164. That's just the way she sings. I can do that.

165. Yeah.

166. Uh, really?

167. Yeah, yeah, yeah, anyone can do it.

168. Yeah, yeah, check it out.

169. See?

170. Whoa. How do you do that?

171. You know, you just sort of, like, um...

172. you just sort of do an auto-tune thing, you know?

173. You just kind of go like...

174. Uh, hm.

175. Let me try it.

176. No, no, you're not doing it right, Butt-Head.

177. That sounded as good as yours.

178. No, no, it didn't. Sorry, Butt-Head, it didn't.

179. Uh, yeah, it was. Shut up, dumb-ass.

180. I can show you how to do it.

181. You just want to, like, move your throat

182. and, like, your lips and your mouth

183. and kind of change the notes in the—

184. well, like this. Watch really close here, okay?

185. Ooh, that was horrible, Butt-head.

186. Damn it, Beavis,

187. I'm gonna auto-tune the backside of your head.

188. Whoa, that sounded pretty good, Beavis.

189. I'm gonna try it again.

190. Ugh!

191. The DDT gave them massive brain damage.

192. It's amazing they have enough brain function

193. to still be alive.

194. Actually, Doctor, these scans are from before

195. they drank the DDT.

196. These boys were here a month ago

197. to have objects removed from their nasal cavities.

198. Uh, those were army men, yeah.

199. They made the ultimate sacrifice.

200. Oh, then I guess we're done here.

201. Oh, boy.

202. Nobody scored, did they Butt-Head?

203. No.

204. But at least we learned a lesson.

205. That doing things for other people sucks?

206. Yep, but don't worry, Beavis.

207. We will never do it again as long as we live.

208. Amen, yeah.

209. Chirp.