Midnight Mass 1x4

1. Thank you for getting me in before school.

2. Do we see her today?

3. Oh, it's a her? I thought you didn't wanna know.

4. I don't. I just want you to accidentally tell me.

5. Can you do that? Don't do that.

6. We are just listening today.

7. How are you feeling overall?

8. Overwhelmed. Um, but otherwise, you know, mostly excited.

9. I'm excited to get huge and slip into that elastic waistband,

10. and eat everything, and be comfortable all the time.

11. I'm not gonna be comfortable at all, am I?

12. I keep waiting for all those weird cravings everyone keeps talking about,

13. but so far it's just cottage cheese and grapes.

14. And Lucky Charms right out of the box.

15. Everything good?

16. You know, maybe we will take a look today after all.

17. Is that okay? I thought we weren't supposed to use that too much.

18. It's okay today. How has movement been?

19. Lots of fluttering, kicking?

20. Um, yeah, like a butterfly with little feet. "Not-So-Littlefoot."

21. Any difference in the last 24 to 48 hours?

22. I don't think so. I mean, even yesterday…

23. I think I want to know the sex.

24. You can go ahead and tell me. You can tell me. Just go ahead.

25. Have you had any cramps? Bleeding?

26. No.

27. Where's the heartbeat? We're supposed to hear the heartbeat.

28. - Here, let me see. What do you see? - Erin.

29. Nothing.

30. I mean it. I see nothing.

31. I mean, there's nothing here.

32. I don't… I don't understand.

33. There's nothing in your uterus.

34. I don't… I don't understand.

35. In early weeks, people sometimes miscarry without realizing it,

36. but as far along as you are, you would have…

37. It would have been noticeable, very noticeable.

38. Miscarry?

39. And you wouldn't have been the first person

40. to go through something like this and maybe block it out, Erin?

41. But there's nothing…

42. - I'm just incredibly sorry. I'm so sorry. - No, I didn't miscarry.

43. There's not much I can do.

44. We can run a blood panel and send it to the lab,

45. but it seems you have miscarried.

46. - You must have miscarried. - I didn't.

47. Where's my baby?

48. I'm gonna put you in touch with a colleague on the mainland.

49. She's a great counselor.

50. Where's my baby?

51. How is he?

52. Not sure.

53. It's incredible, isn't it?

54. I mean, I'd seen old photos for years and years,

55. and still it didn't even cross my mind the first time I saw him this way.

56. It didn't even click.

57. I suppose context is everything.

58. It's amazing how the scales fall from our eyes, isn't it?

59. Did Dolly and Wade finally head home?

60. Mmm-hmm.

61. Good. They need sleep. We all need sleep.

62. Day's just startin'.

63. How's he doing? Does he have a fever? Is he eating?

64. I didn't… Well, I didn't get too close.

65. None of us did.

66. All three of us, we, um…

67. we were a little scared shitless, truth be told.

68. Scared?

69. Father? Oh!

70. Good Lord! Why is it so dark in here?

71. - Look at you, up and about. - Mmm.

72. Looks like God heard my prayers. I was worried sick about you.

73. Oh! Sorry. It just hurts my eyes.

74. Oh.

75. That's all right.

76. - You had quite the night. - Yeah.

77. Quite the night.

78. Here. I made you the chicken ginger soup my mother used to make me when I was sick.

79. That is very kind. I'm starving.

80. I don't remember ever being this hungry before.

81. It makes sense.

82. Always starving after a long trip, and you had quite the journey.

83. That's for sure.

84. Precious few have taken the road you took.

85. Mmm.

86. Widow of Nain's son, Jairus' daughter, Lazarus.

87. Jesus Christ himself took three days to walk that road,

88. and you didn't have three minutes.

89. - You canceled mass? - I did.

90. Sturge is waiting at the church to explain to people if they miss the sign.

91. But you're already looking better,

92. so I imagine you'll be ready by tomorrow if you eat up.

93. But you have to eat up.

94. I will. Just not right now.

95. Maybe, uh, a quick checkup.

96. - I could call Dr. Gunning— - No.

97. That's not necessary, ah, just yet. I feel…

98. I feel everything that is happening here is a matter of faith, not science,

99. so I don't want to cloud this area with any doubt.

100. You've always been a woman of great faith, Bev.

101. I've always tried. I am blessed you noticed.

102. I wanna, um, confide something in you.

103. Something…

104. is happening, shifting inside of me.

105. I remember when I was younger,

106. I experienced times of great spiritual growth.

107. But that was just…

108. It's nothing like this.

109. It's like I can feel God…

110. - move inside me.

111. That's wonderful.

112. I think I should be left alone

113. for the rest of the day.

114. To pray.

115. Mmm.

116. Dolly and Wade are good people.

117. They can keep a secret.

118. Sturge is gonna answer the call, be a good apostle to you.

119. He just needs some guidance.

120. We can keep this quiet for a moment.

121. But, Monsignor…

122. we should show 'em.

123. Tell them who you are.

124. Don't hide your light under a bushel.

125. That's one of the parables,

126. and it was important enough that Matthew, Mark and Luke all wrote it down.

127. We'll do what you ask, of course.

128. And if you don't think they're ready, well, that's okay.

129. Jesus revealed himself slowly after the resurrection,

130. but what a wonderful revelation it will be

131. to know their own dear Monsignor Pruitt was restored by an angel of God.

132. Think about it.

133. It will be.

134. In God's time.

135. There's no other kind, is there?

136. Thanks for helping out this morning.

137. Yeah. I'm starting to think you don't really need help.

138. Your back, and you're right as rain.

139. Maybe.

140. That why you told Warren he could take the day off?

141. No, not really.

142. I thought maybe we could talk, just us,

143. man-to-man.

144. Oh. Uh…

145. Okay.

146. I made a confession few days ago,

147. and Father, well, he encouraged me to talk about a few things with you.

148. So here goes, I guess.

149. I guess I've harbored some resentment for you.

150. Okay?

151. And I chalked it up to just normal friction.

152. I didn't take it personal when,

153. you know, you acted like all this was beneath you.

154. No, it wasn't that.

155. Well, you acted like it anyway.

156. And then you were gone.

157. Hell, I didn't even know what to tell people it was that you were doin'.

158. What the hell do I know about starters and what have you?

159. Start-up.

160. I guess I resented that too.

161. Like it weren't worth it for you to explain to your dumb old blue-collar dad

162. exactly what it was you were doin' out there.

163. I tried to explain it to you, but I didn't get very far.

164. You said you didn't care about the Internet,

165. or about tech or anything else that—

166. Look. The point is…

167. I already had resentment in my heart.

168. And I shouldn't have.

169. I shouldn't have.

170. But then all the rest happened.

171. And, man, I resented that.

172. Not just the embarrassment of it all, or the stigma of it all.

173. But the money we had to spend on your legal fees.

174. The cost of you living here with us now. A grown man.

175. Gee, I'm really glad we're havin' this talk.

176. Let me finish.

177. I know I should be grateful.

178. I… I should be grateful that my son is home and free.

179. Lord knows your mother is grateful every day.

180. Children just don't do what you did on their own,

181. not unless one of their parents has failed them somethin' awful.

182. And your mother's a saint, so I guess that just leaves me.

183. So I apologize, son.

184. For whatever I did.

185. I love you.

186. I really do.

187. It's just, somehow it's hard for me…

188. It's hard for me to show that when you're here.

189. So I apologize. That's all.

190. We should head back.

191. Before it gets too late.

192. What are you up to?

193. Mom. You're up again.

194. Felt like a walk.

195. - Let's do it again. - Okay.

196. What chores did you have to do growing up?

197. I, uh, kept the house clean and I always did the dishes.

198. When you were a teenager, what did you and your friends do for fun?

199. Not much to do in the Crock Pot.

200. Still isn't, I suppose.

201. But Uppards for booze and boys.

202. What was my dad's name?

203. Mom?

204. Uh, your father's name was George.

205. What did he do?

206. He was a fisherman, and then he joined the Navy.

207. And how did you meet?

208. Oh, we met at a dance on the mainland.

209. And who am I?

210. You are my world.

211. My heart and soul.

212. My daughter, Sarah.

213. The doctor.

214. Would you like a cup of tea? I'm going to make some tea.

215. Been meaning to pack up her things since I got back.

216. I just couldn't start for whatever reason.

217. Weeks became months, and it was never really a priority.

218. And then today I get through two rooms and half the attic.

219. Whatever you have to do.

220. A lot of people cross-stitch Bible verses.

221. But my mom…

222. My mom goes with the passage from Lamentations.

223. It's a special kind of self-pity

224. to identify with the destruction of Jerusalem.

225. We kept birds when I was a kid.

226. Doves.

227. My mom spent weeks, weeks,

228. building this ridiculous coop outside our kitchen window.

229. Ordered pet doves from the mainland.

230. When they finally got here,

231. the first thing she wanted to do was clip their wings.

232. When she called me over, her seven-year-old daughter,

233. she told me I had to hold them while she did it.

234. I asked her why she did it and she said, "So they wouldn't fly away."

235. And she told me… Now get this.

236. Again, this is her seven-year-old daughter she's talking to.

237. She said,

238. "Everyone gets their wings clipped at some point."

239. And I asked the next question.

240. It's the only question a kid's gonna ask when they hear something like that.

241. I said, "Mom, did you get your wings clipped?"

242. And she said, "Yep. Oh, yes."

243. "Day you were born."

244. "Day you were born."

245. She's holding those clippers, and I have this bird in my hand.

246. And it's cooing in my palm and it feels like a cat purring.

247. And it trusted me.

248. And something came over me and I let it go.

249. And then she hit me.

250. Her behavior would change.

251. Drinking, yelling, hitting, something more nuanced,

252. something passive-aggressive, but the message behind it was clear.

253. I ruined her life.

254. But Littlefoot?

255. You see, that baby saved mine.

256. Because I did it. I did what I said I was gonna do.

257. I ran away at 16. I was gonna be an actress.

258. I was gonna be a star. And I traveled, and I lived.

259. And by the time I woke up and the drugs had worn off,

260. I looked up and I had married my mother.

261. At first he was clingy, and then he was mean.

262. And then he was drunk all the time.

263. And then he hit me. And I knew that posture. I knew it.

264. I would have stayed with him.

265. I would have died in that house.

266. But I woke up one day and I felt different, I felt sick.

267. And so I took a test.

268. And I saw that little plus sign, and I stared and I stared and I stared.

269. And I packed my bags. And I never looked back.

270. She saved me.

271. And now she's just gone.

272. And how is that possible?

273. How is that possible?

274. I have this, um…

275. dream.

276. This recurring dream, I've had it since I was inside.

277. I'm floating out in the middle of the bay.

278. Middle of the water. Just gray water.

279. Morning water.

280. The sky lightening as the sun's about to rise.

281. And if I could just point the bow,

282. find a wind or an oar, paddle with my goddamn hands if I had to,

283. to a different shore.

284. Start a new life.

285. That dream always ends with the sunrise.

286. Always.

287. I never get further than that sunrise.

288. That part I can see, clear as day. That part is…

289. That part is real, but the rest, whatever life I'm supposed to have after?

290. That I can't see.

291. And the more I have that dream,

292. the more I just know that it's not in the cards for me.

293. I'm not getting off this island.

294. I know it.

295. Late at night, no matter what I might let myself hope…

296. or what I might tell my mom or my dad.

297. I know it.

298. But you…

299. You can do anything.

300. You always could do anything.

301. Pray with me?

302. Yes.

303. Please, God.

304. Help me to understand.

305. Mercy.

306. Please have mercy on us.

307. Our sorrow is too much. It's too much.

308. Mercy.

309. Our Father, who art in Heaven…

310. Hallowed be Thy name.

311. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

312. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses

313. as we forgive those who trespass against us.

314. And lead us not into temptation, but…

315. Deliver us from evil. Amen.

316. Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord be with you, blessed art thou…

317. Blessed art thou.

318. Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

319. Holy Mary, Mother of God,

320. pray for us sinners, now…

321. And at the hours of our deaths. Amen.

322. Fuck. Fuck.

323. Whoa. Come on. Come on, come on.

324. Hey, Joe.

325. Sheriff. How are you today?

326. I'm okay.

327. Day's young, though.

328. How's my night gonna be, Joe?

329. Well, shit, how should I know?

330. You okay?

331. I'm workin' on it, man.

332. I'm workin' on it.

333. Fuck you.

334. Ever this day, be at my side,

335. to light and guard,

336. to rule and guide.

337. Angel of God, my guardian dear,

338. to whom God's love commits me here.

339. Ever this day, be at my side,

340. to light and guard, to rule and guide.

341. Angel of God, my guardian dear,

342. to whom God's love commits me here.

343. Ever this day, be at my side, to light and guard, and to rule and guide.

344. Angel of God, my guardian dear,

345. to whom God's love commits me here.

346. Ever this day, be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.

347. Angel of God, my guardian dear…

348. Father Paul.

349. Hi. Sorry to call after dark. I was a little ill, held up all day.

350. But now I'm up and about again, and I thought I owe your mother her mass.

351. John?

352. Sarah let me in. She said that you…

353. That you're feeling better.

354. How?

355. How?

356. "Well, truly, I say to you, if you have faith and never doubt,

357. even if you say to this mountain be taken up

358. and cast into the sea, it will be done."

359. With God, all things are possible.

360. I thought it was a dream.

361. When I saw you at my bedside.

362. So young.

363. Maybe it is a dream.

364. But if it is, we're all having it.

365. All of us.

366. I have so much to tell you!

367. But…

368. But first… your mass.

369. Your Communion.

370. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

371. Amen.

372. I'm just realizing that you must think I'm foolish.

373. No.

374. You prayed with me all day,

375. and I love you for that.

376. But you don't…

377. You don't believe it. Any of it.

378. I understand it.

379. I do. The appeal of it. The comfort of it.

380. Everything happens for a reason.

381. There's good in everything. There's a plan. It's…

382. I don't know.

383. I guess I just lived a moment at complete odds

384. with the existence of a loving God.

385. So what do you think?

386. - You think I'm delusional? - No.

387. - You think I'm naive. - No.

388. No, I think…

389. I think we all want…

390. so badly for there to be a reason.

391. For everything. And some justice, and some comfort when we die.

392. Yeah, that's where religion comes from. That's the whole question.

393. It is.

394. What happens when we die?

395. What the fuck happens?

396. So what do you think?

397. What happens when we die, Riley?

398. I don't know.

399. And I don't trust anyone who tells us they do, but…

400. I can speak for myself, I guess.

401. Then speak for yourself.

402. What happens when you die?

403. When I die…

404. my body stops functioning.

405. Shut down. All at once, or gradually,

406. my breathing stops, my heart stops beating.

407. Clinical death.

408. And a bit later, like, five whole minutes later…

409. my brain cells start dying.

410. But in the meantime, in between…

411. maybe my brain releases a flood of DMT.

412. It's the psychedelic drug released when we dream, so…

413. I dream.

414. I dream bigger than I have ever dreamed before,

415. because it's all of it. Just the last dump of DMT all at once.

416. And my neurons are firing

417. and I'm seeing this firework display of memories and imagination.

418. And I am just… tripping.

419. I mean, really tripping balls because my mind's rifling through the memories.

420. You know, long and short-term, and the dreams mix with the memories, and…

421. it's a curtain call.

422. The dream to end all dreams.

423. One last great dream as my mind empties the fuckin' missile silos and then…

424. I stop.

425. My brain activity ceases and there is nothing left of me.

426. No pain.

427. No memory, no awareness that I ever was, no…

428. That I ever hurt someone.

429. That I ever killed someone.

430. Everything is as it was

431. before me.

432. And the electricity disperses from my brain till it's just dead tissue.

433. Meat.

434. Oblivion.

435. And all of the other little things that make me up, they…

436. The microbes and bacterium and the billion other little things

437. that live on my eyelashes and in my hair and in my mouth and on my skin

438. and in my gut and everywhere else, they just

439. keep on living.

440. And eating.

441. Uh…

442. And I'm serving a purpose.

443. I'm feeding life.

444. And I'm broken apart,

445. and all the littlest pieces of me are just recycled,

446. and I'm billions of other places.

447. And my atoms are in plants and bugs and animals,

448. and I am like the stars that are in the sky.

449. There one moment and then just scattered across the goddamn cosmos.

450. Your turn.

451. What happens when you die?

452. Speaking for myself?

453. Speaking for yourself.

454. No.

455. Not for myself.

456. I'm not the one that died today.

457. She was never awake.

458. When she came down into this little body,

459. this just-forming little body, it was asleep.

460. So all she ever knew was dreaming.

461. She only ever dreamed. She didn't even have a name.

462. And then in her sleep,

463. that perfect little spirit just lifted up.

464. Because God didn't send her to suffer through life on Earth. No.

465. This one?

466. This special little soul…

467. God just sent her down here to sleep.

468. Just a little nap. A quick dream.

469. And then He called her back. He wanted her back.

470. And so she went back.

471. Same as she floated down, she rose up above the Earth.

472. Past all the souls in the atmosphere

473. and all the stars in the sky and then into a light so bright.

474. And then, for the first time…

475. she starts to wake up.

476. She's wrapped in a feeling of love.

477. Just pure, amazing love. Of course she is.

478. She's pure.

479. She has never sinned.

480. She never hurt a single living thing, not even an ant.

481. And she's not alone. She's home.

482. There are people there, she doesn't know it,

483. but they're her family.

484. Her grandfather and her great-grandfather, and they love her. And they name her.

485. And then when God reaches down and kisses her head,

486. and the second He says her name, she grows up.

487. In a blink.

488. And she's perfect.

489. Her body as it would have been on her best day on Earth.

490. Her perfect age. The peak of herself.

491. And they tell her about her mom down here on Earth,

492. and how I'll be there soon enough.

493. And she's happy. And nothing but joy for all eternity.

494. And she's loved.

495. And she isn't alone.

496. And that's what we mean when we say Heaven.

497. No mansions, no rivers of diamonds, or fluffy clouds or angel wings.

498. You are loved.

499. And you aren't alone.

500. That is God.

501. That is Heaven.

502. That's why we endure all that we endure on this…

503. big, blue, sad rock.

504. I'll be there soon enough.

505. And I'll see my father.

506. And my grandmother.

507. And I'll see my little girl, and she will be happy and safe.

508. And I will be so glad to meet her.

509. I really hope you're right.

510. Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here.

511. Ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.

512. Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here.

513. Ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.

514. Where are you?

515. Why won't you come?

516. Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom…

517. Father?

518. I'm sorry to disturb you.

519. I'm sorry.

520. Hello, Joe.

521. - Hello. - I was just… I, um… I had a hard day.

522. But I did good. I didn't drink.

523. Yeah, that's excellent.

524. But it's a real struggle. You know? And you said come by here

525. if I ever felt like…

526. If it got too much. But you're… you're busy.

527. No, not at all. Here. You come in here. You sit.

528. I've been there. I can tell you that.

529. - Are you okay, Father? - Um…

530. Truth be told, I…

531. I'm not really feelin' myself today, and I am at a bit of a loss.

532. Well, that's uncanny, ain't it?

533. You could be his son.

534. You know, that was a rumor when I was a kid,

535. that the old man wasn't exactly celibate.

536. I mean, who can blame him?

537. I mean, who am I to judge a man for his vices?

538. I mean, me? Shit.

539. None of my business. Really.

540. Kinda my motto my whole life.

541. I'll, uh… I'll…

542. I'll see ya tomorrow at, um…

543. - At the… at the meeting. - Hey, wait, wait, Joe.

544. I'm proud of you, Joe.

545. Thanks, Father.

546. I'm sorry. I wasn't expecting anyone, but I'm proud of you,

547. and I'm glad that you found strength today.

548. Because I know that compulsion.

549. That hunger, and…

550. I know how hard it is to fight against.

551. So I'm proud of you. God is proud of you.

552. Thank you.

553. God bless you.

554. Better late than never, right?

555. All right.

556. - God bless you. - Oh, thank you. I'm gonna…

557. Um… I'm just gonna… I'm gonna go.

558. I'm gonna go, okay?

559. - I'm just… I'm gonna go, all right? - God bless you.

560. What is wrong with you?

561. The fuck is wrong with you? Stop it!

562. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

563. - I'm so sorry.

564. Are you…

565. Are you okay?

566. What happened?

567. Are you all right? Are you all right?

568. What?

569. - Hi. - Hi.

570. I had that dream again last night.

571. - The one on the water? - Yeah, that's right.

572. It was all different this time. You know that happens sometimes?

573. I never remember my dreams.

574. What was different?

575. I'm on the water,

576. just like always…

577. waiting on the sun. But this time…

578. you're there too.

579. What do you think that means?

580. I should go.

581. Unless you want me to walk you?

582. - Hmm? - Church.

583. Oh.

584. I don't think I'm gonna go to church.

585. I think I'm gonna go to the mainland.

586. You know, not to, like, get a second opinion or anything, but…

587. To get a second opinion.

588. Of course.

589. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't leave this house for a month.

590. Nobody would.

591. You could come back though.

592. Later.

593. Maybe tonight.

594. You could come back tonight, maybe.

595. I can do that.

596. Okay.

597. - I'm not gonna do Communion or anything. - I know.

598. You can't.

599. They won't let you, because you're not a Christian.

600. - Dad. Please, we've been over this. - I know.

601. - You said I could— - I know.

602. Look.

603. I understand you're curious.

604. I will not tell my son not to look for God.

605. But, son…

606. Ali.

607. We already have Him.

608. Well, thank you, Dad.

609. I know this isn't easy for you, so… thank you.

610. You didn't come home last night.

611. Father!

612. Father! We're all waiting.

613. Father, you're almost a half-hour late, you…

614. Okay.

615. Okay.

616. I don't know why… I don't know why… I don't know why—

617. Hush, now. You don't have to say a thing. Not you. Not to me.

618. We've got to, uh…

619. We've got to…

620. get you cleaned up.

621. Get you to the church.

622. Okay.

623. Um, here's the thing.

624. Okay.

625. Lord, Lord, Lord. Okay.

626. You're gonna stay here. You are…

627. You are gonna stay right here.

628. Here's what we're gonna do.

629. He's fine. Everything is fine.

630. Excuse me. Excuse me.

631. Good morning.

632. Let me tell you, it is such a delight

633. to see this church so full every day. God bless.

634. I'm afraid this morning, though, we'll have to…

635. I think we'll have to cancel mass.

636. Father Paul is bouncing back from a stomach bug.

637. Poor thing.

638. I just had to physically restrain the dear man, put him to bed.

639. He was so determined to be here.

640. He'll be back on his feet in just no time at all.

641. But this morning, at least, maybe, uh,

642. our dear Dolly Scarborough…

643. Come up here, Dolly.

644. Come on up.

645. Maybe Dolly can lead us in some singing and some reading and some prayer.

646. And we can still celebrate like the Christians of old

647. who sang praises to God long before there were priests to lead the way.

648. - Uh, let's start with hymn number 473. - Sure.

649. "We Gather Together." Dolly, will you lead us?

650. Excuse me.

651. Wrap it up in the carpet, put it in your truck,

652. take it to one of the empty houses on the west bank.

653. Do it now, while most of the island is at church.

654. And then tonight, late, tie an anchor to it and drop it five miles out.

655. But, I… We…

656. Yes. Wade, what would you like to say?

657. I mean…

658. We're not… We're not really…

659. That's Joe Collie, Bev. This is…

660. This is… This is… What the hell did you do?

661. "The man who acts presumptuously by not obeying the Priest

662. who stands to minister there before the Lord, your God,

663. that man shall die."

664. Deuteronomy.

665. You are correct.

666. This is Joe Collie.

667. This isn't Ed Flynn or Leeza Scarborough or you, Wade.

668. This is the man that put your daughter in a wheelchair.

669. This man has been a scourge to this community his entire life.

670. He's a sinner, a letch, and a heathen of the first order.

671. He's a maimer of children and a blessing to no one,

672. and God has called in his debt.

673. Father. Monsignor. Tell them. Tell them why you did what you did.

674. I don't know. Something came over me, and really, I don't even—

675. Because something moved through you.

676. You forget. Wade, you forget.

677. Our Lord is a warrior, and so are His angels.

678. Our Lord sent angels to Egypt

679. to slaughter the firstborn of the Egyptians,

680. turned cities to salt, women and children alike,

681. and drowned the world when we were too lost to our sins.

682. Monsignor Pruitt himself is a miracle of God.

683. And a performer of miracles,

684. as you damn well know yourself, Wade. He is a miracle.

685. God has a plan. He's working through him.

686. "And we are to do our part to witness and do our part."

687. "And do not think that I have come to bring peace."

688. "I have not come to bring peace, but a sword."

689. It was Jesus who said that! Jesus Christ himself!

690. So if you wanna question him now, Wade,

691. if you want to pick and choose which one of his works are palatable to you…

692. Return all his graces to sender then,

693. and let your little girl sit back down in that wheelchair.

694. But do not cherry-pick the glories of God!

695. Now wrap it up

696. in the carpet.

697. I… I… I…

698. Is your conscience heavy?

699. Do you have guilt in your heart for doing what you had to?

700. No.

701. Not at all.

702. Then ask yourself why God let that cup pass you by.

703. And carry on.

704. His arms. Sturge, his arms.

705. Get the… And…

706. Okay. Sorry to keep you waiting. We've, um… We've run your labs.

707. I wonder if perhaps the information you've given me

708. might not be entirely accurate.

709. I'll put you in touch with my doctor,

710. and she can make sure you have the correct information.

711. I just wanna know how this could happen.

712. Well, I don't believe anything has.

713. - What does that mean? - I mean, your tests are all negative.

714. I know. I lost the baby.

715. No, I mean your hCG levels are normal.

716. Okay?

717. And even after a miscarriage, they'd stay elevated six weeks or so.

718. Right, I didn't have… There was no evidence of miscarriage.

719. Um, I don't see any evidence you were pregnant at all.

720. I had an ultrasound.

721. Look, I don't know anything about that. I'm just looking at your tests.

722. I heard the heartbeat many times.

723. I saw her move. I saw her sucking her thumb.

724. I am happy to call your doctor on the island,

725. and maybe she'll share some of her…

726. But your body isn't the body of a woman who's been pregnant. It just isn't.

727. - I was pregnant. I was. - Not according to your blood or your body.

728. And the human body, it can't, well…

729. It just can't pull a rip cord on something like that

730. and pretend nothing happened. It's just not possible.

731. I was wondering if perhaps we could arrange

732. for you to speak with someone in our psych department.

733. You feeling better?

734. I wasn't sure if this was happening. No one answered when I called the rectory.

735. Nothing to worry about. Feelin' much better as the day went on.

736. Come on in.

737. I'm so sorry to hear that.

738. I'll have to visit her and make sure she's all right.

739. Yeah, she's takin' it easy.

740. I don't think she'll really be up for visitors any time soon.

741. No, of course.

742. Out of curiosity, what would you have said to her?

743. That's the thing, isn't it? What do you say?

744. You say, "I'm so sorry for your loss."

745. Or, "God works in mysterious ways."

746. "If there's anything that I can do."

747. It's so hollow, isn't it?

748. I don't… Will not…

749. We can never understand the will of God,

750. and I wouldn't presume to know what to say to Erin Greene, other than that.

751. We must trust in the Lord with our whole heart.

752. And not rely on our own insights.

753. Give yourself over whether you understand it or not.

754. That's right. That's right.

755. That's just… Well, that's just true. Isn't it? For you, for me?

756. Give ourselves over, maybe for a moment.

757. You know, stop presuming to know the reason, to understand the meaning.

758. Sometimes it's okay to just look at the world and say,

759. "Why? Why? Why? I don't understand."

760. "And I will not."

761. Yeah, sometimes that's okay.

762. Yeah, I actually agree with that.

763. It's hard not to, isn't it?

764. How are your amends going?

765. We gonna get into that now? Shouldn't we wait for Joe?

766. Oh. Uh…

767. No. Joe isn't joining us today, actually.

768. No.

769. No, please don't tell me he fell off.

770. I don't know why, I just really wanted this to work for him.

771. Like, I really, really did.

772. No, no. I actually saw him yesterday. He was…

773. He was doin' well. He was proud of himself.

774. No, he's off-island today, visiting his sister, I think.

775. Uh, he's not sure when he's gonna be back.

776. - His sister? - Yeah, that's right.

777. Oh.

778. So, shall we begin with Serenity? I'm sure he'll grace us next week.

779. God grant me the serenity to accept the things…

780. …I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,

781. and the wisdom to know the difference.

782. Amen.

783. I'm just glad to hear that he's all right.

784. I'm not surprised, as hard as he's been working lately.

785. Daily mass, packed, and a full schedule, besides.

786. Do you know that he's brought Mildred Gunning the sacrament every day

787. since he's been here? Every day.

788. The man's a saint.

789. I'm glad he's on the mend. And your little friend Ali.

790. I was so moved to see him in church today.

791. I can't imagine how that went over with his dad.

792. The courage it had to take to leave that behind,

793. to come to church alone, at his age?

794. With his upbringing? All that tradition. It just shows you.

795. God finds a way. God, find the way.

796. Heading out for the night, huh?

797. Yeah.

798. Well, give her my best.

799. - Tell her I'm so sorry. - I will.

800. You know, when you were a little boy,

801. you said to me, "If we're on an island,

802. why don't we live in treehouses like Swiss Family Robinson?"

803. And I said to you, "Well, we're not shipwrecked, Riley."

804. "We're meant to be here."

805. And you,

806. you frowned.

807. I know you never really felt like this was home.

808. Like Crockett wasn't so much a place we lived

809. as a place we lived through, waiting for help to come.

810. And, well, help is here.

811. - Is it? - I don't need my glasses anymore.

812. And your father's better than he's been in years.

813. Something's happening here.

814. And I can't pretend it isn't.

815. Now, I know…

816. you struggled.

817. With your faith and with what happened—

818. With what I did.

819. With what you did.

820. My beautiful boy.

821. Yes.

822. But God isn't asking you to have faith in something that you can't see.

823. Not here. Not now.

824. He's only asking that you look.

825. Isn't that amazing?

826. He's a liar, Mom.

827. Father Paul.

828. Maybe you're right.

829. Maybe there is hope.

830. And maybe there's something for me, and maybe there is God and miracles.

831. I don't know.

832. But I know one thing. Just one thing for a fact.

833. Father Paul lied to me tonight.

834. So believe and pray for me.

835. But just…

836. Please be careful. That's all I ask.

837. Oh.

838. Oh.

839. Yeah.

840. Oh.

841. …my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here.

842. Ever this day be at my side to light and guard, to rule and guide.

843. Angel of God, please, please, please.

844. Where are you? Where are you?

845. Please, please, please.

846. Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here.

847. Ever this day, be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.

848. Oh, thank God. Where have you been? I've been…

849. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

850. I'm sorry, I've just been lost. I've just been lost.

851. I don't… I'm out of the sacrament.

852. Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here.

853. Ever this day, be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide.

854. Angel of God, my guardian dear…

855. His sister.

856. Oh.