1. When people finish their day
and hurry home,
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2. my day starts.
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3. My diner is open from midnight
to seven in the morning.
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4. They call it "Midnight Diner."
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5. Do I even have customers?
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6. More than you would expect.
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7. TOKYO STORIES
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8. CORN DOG
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9. Master, I got everything.
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10. Thank you.
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11. What took you so long?
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12. This is Serao Kesera,
a master comedian in Asakusa.
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13. He suddenly requested pancakes,
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14. so he made his ex-assistant Hajime
go out to buy the ingredients.
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15. Hey.
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16. Hajime has become popular as a TV actor.
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17. I hear that he is more popular
than his master.
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18. - Here you go.
- Thank you.
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19. This is for you, Hajime.
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20. I didn't have a regular sausage,
so I used fish sausage.
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21. I had extra batter,
so I made this for you.
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22. Thank you. It looks delicious.
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23. Wait. Give it to me.
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24. No.
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25. - Why not?
- Because I love corn dogs.
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26. Oh, come on, Hajime. Please.
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27. Let's switch.
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28. You wanted a pancake,
so I went out to buy the ingredients.
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29. I changed my mind. Okay?
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30. - No way.
- Then just a bite.
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31. - One bite.
- No.
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32. You!
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33. I'm asking nicely,
and that's how you treat me?
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34. Who do you think helped you
become an actor?
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35. Don't fret over just a corn dog.
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36. Why get so upset over a corn dog?
Your pancake is getting—
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37. Hey! No, stop!
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38. Hajime, give it to him.
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39. I'll make a new one for you.
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40. That's not the point.
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41. He always behaves like this.
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42. The fish sausage is a nice touch.
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43. Master, this is delicious.
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44. My corn dog became his favorite.
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45. Since then, Serao often comes
to my place by himself.
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46. - Hey.
- Welcome.
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47. - He's here.
- Master comedian!
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48. Many of my customers are his fans.
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49. They get excited whenever he comes.
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50. Master, a corn dog, please.
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51. - Me, too.
- Me, three.
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52. Sure.
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53. Even though she's way past her prime,
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54. she still got it going on.
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55. As I poked her from the back...
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56. Just like that.
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57. So it got me going.
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58. I tried to fondle her boobs.
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59. I reached around.
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60. Her ripened breasts...
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61. were soft and moist.
Fit nicely in my palm.
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62. Then she suddenly said,
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63. "What are you trying to touch?"
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64. "Your boob, of course."
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65. "That's not where they are.
My boobs are higher."
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66. Turned out, what I was fondling
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67. was the old woman's love handles!
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68. No dirty jokes in front of ladies.
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69. Come on, babe. You like it, don't you?
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70. That's sexual harassment.
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71. Calm down, Rumi.
This is a part of his material.
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72. Material?
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73. You don't know him? Mr. Serao Kesera.
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74. Some call him the last master comedian
of Asakusa.
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75. I always watched your stand-up comedy
on TV when I was a kid.
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76. Really?
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77. You know Hajime Moriwaki, a TV actor,
right?
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78. Yes, I know him.
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79. He used to be an assistant
of this master comedian.
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80. It's nothing.
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81. Hajime Moriwaki.
A good-looking guy, isn't he?
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82. And he's funny. I like his
choice of words.
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83. Good-looking and funny?
That's a perfect man.
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84. Well, unfortunately,
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85. his "boy" is not impressive at all.
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86. Does Hajime Moriwaki have a son?
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87. That's not what he means.
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88. A perfect one is called
a thousand earthworms.
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89. But his is like a single earthworm.
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90. It's not long. It's not hard.
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91. God doesn't give two gifts.
Now I believe in God.
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92. Have you seen it?
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93. I saw it when he washed my back
at a bathhouse.
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94. What?
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95. You can tell whether it's long or not
at a bathhouse.
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96. But how do you tell, if it's soft or hard?
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97. How about yours?
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98. Some call mine the Anaconda of Asakusa.
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99. A very elusive anaconda.
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100. SERAO KESERA
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101. I had a heart attack.
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102. Luckily I survived it.
Do you know what caused it? Viagra.
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103. Yup. That was it.
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104. It's not good for my heart.
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105. But you know, at my age,
I really need it.
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106. See, right here.
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107. Otherwise, my "boy" wouldn't work.
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108. So, now I'm risking my life to make love.
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109. Shakespeare once said,
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110. "To do or to die. That is the question."
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111. My "boy" is very active
only when I wake up.
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112. Good job, sir.
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113. - Good job.
- Thanks.
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114. Hello.
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115. - Hey, TV actor.
- How are you?
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116. - Did you see my show?
- Yes.
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117. I came since I hadn't in a while.
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118. What's wrong with you?
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119. It's very sweet of you to say that.
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120. - Let's go eat something.
- Sure.
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121. Wait for a moment, okay?
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122. - Are you ready? Say "cheese."
- Is everything in the frame?
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123. It's blurry. One more time.
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124. Excuse us.
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125. Excuse me.
Are you Mr. Hajime Moriwaki?
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126. - Yes.
- Lucky me!
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127. Can I have your autograph?
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128. Can we take a picture?
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129. - Sure.
- I love your shows.
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130. - Would you?
- Me?
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131. Thank you, sir.
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132. - Are you ready?
- Thank you.
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133. Get ready.
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134. Yes. Get a nice one.
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135. - Here you go.
- Thank you.
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136. Let's go now.
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137. Excuse me.
Can we get your autograph, too?
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138. Sure.
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139. This one.
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140. Please. Thank you.
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141. Thank you.
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142. Sir, can you get a taxi?
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143. Okay. I got it.
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144. Hey. Here. Right here.
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145. Girls, sorry.
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146. He must go now.
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147. Sorry about that. See you soon.
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148. What was that?
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149. I should be the main attraction.
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150. Come on. You should be proud of him.
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151. Your pupil has become such a big star.
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152. A handsome face matters most?
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153. Men should be judged by skills.
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154. Don't blame me. I didn't choose this face.
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155. - Then let's switch faces.
- Absolutely not.
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156. What did you say, bastard?
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157. "Absolutely not"? That's so mean.
You are an asshole.
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158. SHIORI
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159. What a baby!
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160. You've got a handful.
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161. You do, too.
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162. Miyoko...
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163. don't you like younger men?
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164. Yes, I do.
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165. What do you mean?
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166. Nothing.
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167. You don't have the guts.
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168. Hello?
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169. I need a car.
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170. Hey, that person over there.
Is that Hajime Moriwaki?
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171. - You recognize him? He's famous, huh?
- Who?
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172. A TV actor. He's very popular nowadays.
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173. I don't watch TV at all.
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174. Serao Kesera?
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175. - You're here. I knew it.
- Good evening, sir.
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176. "Good evening"? You asshole.
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177. - What's the matter?
- You...
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178. You slept with Miyoko, didn't you?
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179. Yes.
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180. - You said "yes"?
- That's right.
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181. A pupil sleeps with his master's woman?
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182. What planet are you from? You asshole!
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183. Ouch!
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184. You always take my stuff, too.
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185. What? Shut up!
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186. You, bastard!
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187. Please stop.
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188. - Are you okay?
- Don't touch me!
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189. Your wiener is so small...
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190. that it would belong in
a kindergartener's lunch box.
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191. How could you carry such a small mushroom?
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192. Get up, you asshole!
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193. Say it again. I'll kill you.
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194. You know what Miyoko said?
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195. She said she slept with you,
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196. but your penis is so small that she
couldn't tell if it was in or not.
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197. - That's it! I'll kill you!
- Shut up!
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198. Hey, that's enough.
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199. Fighting shall be taken outside.
That's the house rule.
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200. Hajime.
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201. You are expelled.
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202. I'm done anyway.
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203. After that,
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204. Serao started drinking heavily.
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205. More alcohol.
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206. HAJIME MORIWAKI
BIG BREAK ON STAGE
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207. - Hello, sir. How are you?
- How are you, sir?
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208. Master Serao, it's time.
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209. - Your turn is coming up.
- Shut up!
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210. Sir? Where are you going?
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211. Here you go.
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212. I'm sorry about the other day.
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213. That was immature of me.
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214. Have you seen Serao since then?
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215. No, I haven't.
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216. He's been on the bottle these days.
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217. He often gets dead drunk.
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218. I suspect that he may not
be working anymore.
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219. Nobody likes him.
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220. There are things you have to keep
to yourself as human.
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221. He doesn't understand the boundaries.
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222. Out of the mouth comes evil.
It describes him perfectly.
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223. He got drunk and missed his gig.
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224. Well...
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225. it may be time for him to retire.
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226. Some say that we should know when to quit.
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227. He was so cool.
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228. I...
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229. used to be a martial artist.
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230. I was very serious about it.
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231. I was pretty good...
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232. but I injured my eye.
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233. Detached retina.
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234. I suddenly lost my purpose in life.
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235. I felt that I was worthless.
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236. I was in terrible shape.
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237. Then...
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238. I met him by accident.
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239. In Asakusa?
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240. Yes. In a bar.
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241. I had no money, or a place to go.
He paid for everything.
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242. When I woke up, I was backstage.
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243. That's when I saw his stand-up
for the first time.
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244. Once he got paid after the show,
he said, "let's go out to drink."
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245. I was intrigued by the way
he lived his life.
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246. I suddenly felt so much better.
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247. The next day,
I asked him to let me be his assistant.
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248. Then...
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249. it may be your turn.
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250. For whatever he did for you,
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251. why not return the favor?
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252. Another beer, please.
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253. Sure.
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254. - Mr. Kinzo!
- Listen.
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255. I have less than half a year left.
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256. Let me do you once. Be my last lady.
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257. That's enough!
I'll sue you for sexual harassment.
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258. This is Serao.
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259. We were worried
since he hadn't shown up for a while.
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260. But we started seeing him
on a late-night drama series.
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261. He's good, isn't he?
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262. He's only in one scene
every time, but he's still good.
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263. His character is dying
but is still a sex maniac.
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264. It's perfect for him.
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265. Hello.
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266. - Welcome.
- Here comes a great actor.
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267. - Master comedian!
- Long time no see.
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268. - Master, can I have a corn dog?
- Sure.
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269. - I'll take your coat.
- Thanks.
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270. We were worried about you
since you hadn't come for a while.
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271. Sorry about that.
I've been very busy these days.
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272. We watch your drama every week.
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273. I'm so grateful.
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274. You know that thing?
The bird thing?
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275. - You mean Twitter.
- That's it.
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276. Young fans use that
to comment on my acting.
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277. Some of them even show up
to our comedy theater to see me.
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278. Welcome.
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279. - Beer, please.
- Sure.
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280. Not only fans,
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281. but a movie director
also saw my performance.
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282. He wants me to play a role
in his new movie.
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283. Awesome.
This must be the big break of your career.
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284. I don't want to retire yet.
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285. I must compete with young men
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286. for jobs and women.
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287. Here you go.
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288. This is for you.
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289. It's on Serao.
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290. Hey, Master...
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291. I have no reason to treat that jerk.
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292. Well, you do have a reason.
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293. Your drama gig...
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294. was set up by Hajime.
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295. You are lucky...
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296. to have such a nice pupil.
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297. Thank you.
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298. Are you big enough
to influence the casting now?
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299. That's not true.
It was just a slip of the tongue.
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300. I'm too old to handle a lot of gigs.
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301. I won't allow you to retire yet.
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302. Are you sure about that?
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303. Soon I will take all the gigs
away from you.
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304. Really? Then try me.
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305. Well, this is enough.
I'll take mercy on you for now.
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306. Once the batter puffs up,
roll it with chopsticks.
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307. That way you can fry it evenly.
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308. The batter is good not just for sweets,
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309. but also some other ingredients.
You should try it.
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310. Here you go.
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311. Deep-fried fish sausage. Bon appétit.
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312. It's so good.
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313. - Can I have some?
- What?
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314. - Just a bite, please.
- No way.
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315. Who do you think you are, asshole?
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316. Good night.
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317. Hey, give me some.
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318. THIS STORY IS A WORK OF FICTION
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