1. ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT.
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2. A LITTLE SHAKING, A LITTLE
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3. NOISE, AND WE'RE HAULING OUR
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4. BUTTS TO GREEN CHEESE.
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5. READY FOR LAUNCH.
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6. T-MINUS 15, 14, 13...
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7. 12, 11, 9...
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8. 9?
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9. 8...
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10. OH, NO. SORRY.
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11. UH, 10, 9...
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12. W-WHAT, ARE YOU PURPOSELY
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13. SABOTAGING THIS REHEARSAL?
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14. UH, Y-Y-Y-YOU CAN'T EVEN COUNT
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15. BACKWARDS, CAN YOU, YOU MORON?
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16. OH, SORRY, MR. HANKS.
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17. UH, SHOULD I SKIP TO ONE?
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18. UH, FORGET IT. SCREW YOU!
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19. WHERE THE HELL IS RON?
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20. WE NEED TO SHOOT THIS. NOW!
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21. WELL, HE'S IN HIS DRESSING
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22. ROOM ON AN IMPORTANT CALL.
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23. IMPORTANT?
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24. I'M IMPORTANT!
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25. I'M TOM EVER-LOVIN' HANKS!
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26. SORRY. HE'S IN TRAILER 9.
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27. UH, I MEAN 10. SORRY. SORRY.
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28. HEH. DAMN IT.
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29. WHO ARE YOU?
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30. UH, I'M RON.
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31. UH-HUH.
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32. RON HOWARD.
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33. GOOD.
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34. CHILD STAR...
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35. FULL HEAD...
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36. UH-HUH.
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37. OF HAIR.
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38. OH, YEAH.
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39. SQUEAKY-CLEAN IMAGE.
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40. SAY IT AGAIN.
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41. MAKE ME BELIEVE YOU!
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42. RON — CHILD —
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43. UH-HUH.
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44. HAIR — SQUEAK —
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45. NO! NO! CUT!
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46. HUH?
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47. I MEAN, "STOP."
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48. STOP HAVING SEX WITH ME.
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49. OH. OKAY.
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50. UGH, IT'S NOT WORKING.
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51. OF COURSE IT'S NOT WORKING.
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52. TOM! HI!
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53. UH, I WAS JUST AUDITIONING, UH,
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54. JASMINE HERE FOR A —
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55. OH, COME ON, RON.
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56. A MIRROR ON THIS HOOKER'S FACE?
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57. THAT KIND OF STUFF NEVER WORKS.
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58. NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, IT
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59. AIN'T GONNA BE YOU, KID.
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60. I KNOW.
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61. I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING.
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62. "FRANKENSTEIN'S MAD
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63. OPERATIONS LTD."?
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64. THERE'S A MAP OF THE NEAREST
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65. FRANKENHOLE ON THE BACK OF THE
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66. CARD.
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67. GO TO FRANKENSTEIN AND ASK HIM
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68. TO MAKE YOU A CLONE THAT YOU CAN
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69. SCREW WHENEVER YOU WANT!
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70. OH, I-I DON'T THINK I WANT
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71. THAT.
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72. RON, GUYS LIKE US NEED AN
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73. OUTLET FOR OUR PERVERSION, OR
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74. ELSE OUR TRUE GROSSNESS STARTS
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75. SHOWING UP UNDERNEATH THESE
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76. WHOLESOME PERSONAS OF OURS.
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77. THEN HOW ARE WE EVER GONNA PLAY
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78. NICE GUYS WITH AIDS OR RETARDED
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79. HICKS?
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80. BUT, TOM, I JUST WANT TO BE
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81. YOUNG AGAIN.
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82. CAN HE DO THAT?
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83. WELL, HE CAN DO THIS —
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84. TOMMY?
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85. YES, DADDY?
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86. HEY, THAT'S YOU FROM
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87. "BOSOM BUDDIES"!
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88. YEAH, HE CAN PROBABLY HANDLE
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89. MAKING ME YOUNG AGAIN.
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90. OKAY, LOWER THE MIRROR,
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91. SWEETHEART.
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92. WHOOPS!
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93. AAH!
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94. YES?
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95. UH, RON HOWARD FOR VIC...
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96. FOLLOW ME...
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97. TOR FRANKENSTEIN.
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98. I GIVE YOU...
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99. HERR FRANKENSTEIN.
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100. WHAT IS IT?
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101. IT'S ALIVE.
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102. BACK TO WORK, MOTHER THERESA.
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103. ALL RIGHT.
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104. AH, MR. HOWARD.
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105. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
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106. I DON'T HAVE FUN GETTING OFF
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107. ANYMORE.
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108. YOU SEE, I WAS SO CUTE AS A KID
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109. THAT I WOULD JUST MASTURBATE TO
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110. MY OWN REFLECTION.
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111. IT WAS EASY.
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112. WELL, THOSE DAYS
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113. ARE SURELY OVER.
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114. YEAH, AND NOW I EVEN STRAP
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115. HAIRY MIRRORS ONTO WOMEN WHILE I
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116. SCREW THEM.
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117. NOTHING WORKS FOR ME.
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118. SO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU HAIR.
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119. NO, NO, NO, NO!
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120. I MEAN, THAT WOULD BE OKAY,
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121. BUT I WANT SOMETHING ELSE.
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122. I WANT MY YOUTH BACK.
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123. MR. HOWARD —
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124. CALL ME RONNY.
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125. "RONNY"?
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126. TRUST ME — YOU LOOK MORE LIKE A
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127. "RONALD."
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128. NO, NO. I DON'T LIKE RONALD.
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129. WELL, GET USED
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130. TO IT.
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131. YOU LOOK LIKE ONE.
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132. NO, I DON'T! I HATE RONALD.
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133. I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A RONALD.
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134. OKAY, SO I LOOK A LITTLE LIKE A
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135. RONALD.
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136. HOW ABOUT NOW?
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137. HEH. RONNY, RIGHT?
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138. LOOK AT YOU,
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139. GRASPING DESPERATELY AT YOUR
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140. YOUTH!
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141. COME ON.
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142. I JUST WANT TO BE CUTE AGAIN.
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143. YES, DO US ALL A
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144. FAVOR.
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145. ALL RIGHT!
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146. WE'LL NEED SOME OF YOUR DNA SO
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147. WE CAN CLONE YOU FOR EXTRA
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148. PARTS.
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149. OH, WELL, HERE.
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150. I, UH, MADE SOME SPERM WHILE I
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151. WAS IN THE FRANKENHOLE.
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152. EW!
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153. GET THAT AWAY FROM ME!
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154. MY, WE ARE RANDY,
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155. AREN'T WE?
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156. THAT'S SO
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157. GROSS.
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158. GROSS?
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159. I THOUGHT YOU WERE A SCIENTIST.
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160. YEAH, BUT NOT A
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161. GAY SCIENTIST.
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162. UGH! FINE!
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163. I'LL TAKE IT.
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164. THIS IS HOW WE
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165. GET DNA AROUND HERE — THE MANLY
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166. WAY.
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167. THAT DOESN'T SEEM SO MANLY TO
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168. ME —
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169. BLBLBLBLB! STOP IT! CUT IT OUT!
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170. GIVE ME THREE
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171. WEEKS FOR THE CLONING.
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172. THREE WEEKS? THREE WEEKS?
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173. ARE YOU MAD?
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174. I CAN'T WAIT THREE WEEKS!
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175. I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE,
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176. I TELL YOU!
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177. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
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178. TO LIVE WITH THIS CURSE!
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179. OHH, WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
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180. REMIND YOU OF
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181. ANYONE?
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182. HMM. YGOR!
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183. HERE — PUT THIS TOOTHBRUSH
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184. SOMEWHERE SAFE UNTIL WE'RE READY
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185. TO USE IT.
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186. AND MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE GETS
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187. THEIR DNA ON IT.
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188. YOU GOT IT!
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189. WHY? WHY ME?
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190. WHY? WHY ME?
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191. WHY MUST I LIVE LIKE THIS
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192. ANOTHER DAY?
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193. WHY MUST I LIVE LIKE THIS
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194. ANOTHER DAY?
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195. WHY DOESN'T MY ECHO SOUND
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196. LIKE MY VOICE?
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197. WHY DOESN'T MY ECHO WAIT FOR
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198. ME?
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199. WHO ARE YOU?
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200. WAIT, SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT
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201. YOU WENT BACK IN TIME AND
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202. INTERACTED WITH A YOUNGER YOU?
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203. YEAH. AND DON'T YOU SEE?
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204. I GAVE MYSELF THE CURSE —
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205. THE CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF.
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206. OH, THAT SEEMS IMPROBABLE.
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207. ACTUALLY,
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208. IT'S COMPLETELY PROBABLE.
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209. YOU SEE, THERE ARE AN INFINITE
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210. NUMBER OF EACH OF US —
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211. WOW!
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212. OH, YOU INTERRUPTED ME.
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213. ALBERT EINSTEIN! HA!
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214. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
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215. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! MNH!
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216. WHOA.
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217. ANYWAY, THIS IS GETTING GOOD.
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218. UGH!
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219. I HATE INTERRUPTIONS.
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220. FIRST I GET INTERRUPTED BY
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221. NAZI GERMANY AND NOW THIS
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222. DUMB-DUMB.
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223. SCREW HIM.
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224. I'LL JUST GO ON WITH MY FUN
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225. FRANKENHOLE RESEARCH INSTEAD OF
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226. TELLING HIM THAT, ACCORDING TO
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227. MY NIFTY LITTLE THEORY OF
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228. RELATIVITY, ALL HE HAS TO DO
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229. IS —
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230. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO BACK
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231. IN TIME, FIND A YOUNG ME, AND
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232. KIDNAP HIM TO...
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233. YES, USE HIS YOUNG BODY TO
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234. PUT YOUR CURRENT BRAIN INTO.
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235. YEAH. HA!
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236. HEY, HOW'D YOU KNOW I WAS GONNA
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237. SAY THAT?
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238. WHAT ELSE WOULD ONE DO WITH
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239. SOMEONE'S YOUNGER VERSION OF
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240. THEMSELVES?
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241. GOD, I HATE YOU
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242. MORE THAN ANYTHING, YOU UGLY,
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243. BALD —
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244. CAN I TAG ALONG?
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245. COULDN'T HURT, HAVING AN
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246. EINSTEIN ALONG.
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247. AND I'M A GOOD ONE, TOO.
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248. AREN'T YOU COMING, LAWRENCE?
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249. NO, I'M JUST GONNA SIT HERE
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250. AND DRINK MY TROUBLES AWAY.
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251. THAT GUY'S A REAL
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252. THOMAS EDISON.
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253. EDISON?
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254. OH, IS THAT THE TERM EINSTEIN
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255. USES FOR "DUMMY"?
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256. MM-HMM — BELIEVE ME, I'VE
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257. GOT A MILLION OF THEM.
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258. COPERNICUS, HIPPOCRATES,
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259. NOSTRA-DUMBASS.
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260. HA HA HA.
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261. I LIKE THAT LAST ONE.
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262. THANKS FOR COMING ALONG, ALBERT.
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263. I COULDN'T DO THE KIDNAPPING ON
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264. MY OWN.
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265. WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?
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266. I'M NOT GONNA HELP WITH ANY
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267. KIDNAPPING!
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268. OH, COME ON!
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269. NO. NO WAY, JOSE.
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270. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS BASH HIS
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271. HEAD IN.
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272. ALL RIGHT.
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273. YAY!
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274. OHH, LOOK AT ME OVER THERE.
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275. WE CAME BACK TOO FAR.
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276. I CAN'T PUT MY BRAIN IN THAT.
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277. WHOOPSIE!
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278. CUT!
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279. SORRY. RONNY TRIPPED A LITTLE.
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280. L-LET'S TAKE IT AGAIN.
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281. OHH, SON OF A BITCH!
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282. YOU CAN'T EVEN WALK, CAN YOU,
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283. YOU MORON?
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284. SORRY, MR. GRIFFITH.
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285. HI.
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286. UM, HI.
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287. DO YOU WANT MY AUTOGRAPH OR
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288. SOMETHING?
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289. UH, SURE.
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290. UH, HERE, SIGN MY, UH...
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291. I CAN SIGN YOUR BALDNESS.
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292. YEAH, WHY NOT?
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293. NOT GONNA BE USING IT MUCH
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294. LONGER, ANYWAY.
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295. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
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296. RON — UH, EE — ER, ALD.
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297. RONNYALD?
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298. RONALD. RONALD.
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299. OH, THAT'S KIND OF LIKE MY
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300. NAME, ONLY OLDER AND UGLIER.
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301. YEAH, WELL, I GOT TO LIVE
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302. WITH IT.
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303. YEAH, 'CAUSE IT'S ON YOUR
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304. BALDNESS.
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305. THANKS.
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306. DO WE BASH HIS HEAD IN NOW?
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307. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
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308. I REALLY WANTED TO NOW.
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309. HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
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310. NOTHING. YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.
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311. IT'S, UH, IT'S GROWN-UP JUNK.
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312. OKAY, I'M YOU FROM THE
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313. FUTURE, AND WE WERE TALKING
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314. ABOUT KILLING YOU AND PUTTING MY
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315. OLD BRAIN INTO YOUR LITTLE BODY.
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316. NEAT!
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317. NO, IT'S NOT NEAT.
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318. YOU'D BE DEAD, AND THAT WOULD
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319. STINK.
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320. SO I'M GETTING THE TEENAGED ME
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321. INSTEAD. SEE YOU LATER.
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322. CAN I COME ALONG?
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323. NO, YOU CAN'T COME ALONG.
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324. THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
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325. SURE, IT'S MY BUSINESS.
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326. IT MIGHT BE THE YOUNGER YOU
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327. THAT YOU'RE DOING THIS TO, BUT
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328. IT'S STILL THE OLDER ME.
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329. THAT'S MY FUTURE YOU'RE TOYING
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330. WITH, BUDDY.
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331. HE'S NOT SO WRONG.
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332. YEAH, TECHNICALLY.
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333. OKAY, FINE, YOU CAN COME ALONG.
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334. BUT STAY OUT OF THE WAY, WILL
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335. YOU?
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336. OH, BOY!
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337. IT'S ALIVE!
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338. ALIVE!
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339. MNYAH!
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340. YGOR!
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341. SORRY.
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342. NOW WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND
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343. MORE OF HIS DNA?
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344. OH, HERE!
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345. YOU'VE BEEN
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346. HANGING ON TO THIS CRUD THE
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347. WHOLE TIME?
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348. DON'T CALL IT CRUD.
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349. I'VE GROWN ATTACHED TO THE
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350. LITTLE FELLOW.
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351. WOW. LOOK AT ME.
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352. SO YOUNG AND...
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353. PRETTY.
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354. WHOA!
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355. IS THAT ME IN THE JACKET?
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356. NO. THE GIRL HE'S DANCING
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357. WITH IS YOU.
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358. I MEAN, ME.
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359. UM, WE.
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360. I TURN INTO A GIRL?
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361. NO, NO.
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362. WE'RE ON THE "HAPPY DAYS" SET.
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363. WHAT'S "HAPPY DAYS"?
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364. IT'S A SITCOM ABOUT THE '50s.
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365. YOU MEAN I COME FROM THE
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366. PRESENT DAY IN THE '60s TO
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367. THE FUTURE OF THE '70s, AND THE
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368. TEENAGED ME IS PRETENDING HE'S
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369. IN THE PAST OF THE '50s?
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370. DRESSED LIKE A GIRL?
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371. YES, AND ALL THAT IS THE
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372. LEAST CRAZY THING THAT'S
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373. HAPPENING.
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374. CUT!
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375. NO KIDDING.
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376. AND NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE
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377. FACT THAT THE '50s NEVER LOOKED
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378. LIKE THIS, THE WHOLE PHYSICAL
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379. PHENOMENON OF TRAVELING —
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380. OOH, HERE I COME!
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381. BOY, I CAN'T GET A WORD IN
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382. EDGEWISE WITH YOU.
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383. RON!
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384. SORRY, NO TIME FOR AUTO—
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385. HEY! LITTLE RONNY HOWARD!
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386. I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL GROWN U—
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387. WHAT'S GOING ON?
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388. BREAKIN' THE LAWS OF PHYSICS!
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389. I KNOW. THIS IS WEIRD.
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390. AND YOU.
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391. ARE WE RELATED?
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392. WELL, KIND OF.
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393. I'M YOU.
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394. LET'S GO TALK IN MY DRESSING
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395. ROOM.
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396. YOU TWO WAIT OUT HERE.
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397. BUT WHY?
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398. YEAH. THIS IS THE MONEY SHOT.
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399. OUT!
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400. SO...
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401. HELLO.
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402. WHAT'S GOING ON?
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403. NO, NO. LEAVE IT ON.
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404. I MEAN, I'M A DIRECTOR.
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405. I KNOW WHAT A BOTHER IT IS TO
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406. DEAL WITH HAIR AND MAKEUP.
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407. I WON'T BE LONG.
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408. I NEED YOU.
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409. YOUR YOUTH.
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410. IT'S ALL
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411. QUITE ATTRACTIVE.
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412. UH-HUH.
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413. I DON'T FOLLOW... I HOPE.
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414. OH, I THINK YOU DO.
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415. MASTURBATING MIRRORS?
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416. OH.
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417. WAIT. NO.
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418. UH. NO! DON'T! UH!
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419. NO!
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420. I'M NOT GAY!
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421. THIS IS MORE THAN GAY!
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422. WHAT AM I DOING IN THERE WITH
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423. ME?
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424. PROBABLY NOTHING.
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425. THAT WAS THE MOST...
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426. NARCISSISTIC THING I'VE EVER
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427. EXPERIENCED.
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428. OH, MY GOD!
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429. WHAT'S THE MATTER, BUDDY?
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430. GUILT FINALLY SINKING IN?
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431. YEAH.
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432. REPRESSED GUILT...
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433. FROM MY TEENAGE YEARS...
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434. WHEN I WAS... MOLESTED...
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435. BY ME...
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436. JUST NOW!
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437. YOU ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT!
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438. OH... MY... GOD.
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439. YOU'RE RIGHT.
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440. I'M AWFUL!
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441. AND DIRTY!
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442. OOH!
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443. IT FEELS GOOD TO FINALLY GET
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444. THAT ALL OUT.
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445. I'VE BEEN CARRYING THAT AROUND
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446. INSIDE ME FOR —
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447. WELL, FOR ONLY TWO MINUTES,
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448. ACTUALLY, BUT IT FEELS LIKE
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449. DECADES!
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450. UH-OH.
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451. WHAT?
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452. LOOK.
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453. AND SO IT WAS THAT, BY THE
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454. OLDER RON HOWARD CARNALLY
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455. VIOLATING THE YOUNGER
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456. RON HOWARD, THE FABRIC OF THE
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457. COSMOS HAD TORN AND UPSET
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458. THE TIME/SPACE CONTINUUM,
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459. RESULTING IN THEIR OWN PERSONAL
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460. VAST UNIVERSE OF INFINITE,
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461. VARIED-AGED-BY-MICROSECOND
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462. RON HOWARDS, WHO HAVE EXISTED,
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463. AND WILL ALWAYS EXIST, IN THE
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464. VAST OCEAN OF CHRONOLOGY —
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465. YEAH, WHATEVER.
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466. GO AHEAD. INTERRUPT ME AGAIN.
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467. I DON'T NEED IT
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468. EXPLAINED.
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469. OKAY, WHATEVER.
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470. I GUESS I'LL GO JUMP IN THE
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471. LAKE, THEN.
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472. HOW 'BOUT THAT?
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473. GEEZ, THAT
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474. GUY'S A REAL THOMAS EDISON.
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475. RONNY, MY BABY.
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476. HOW I LOVED YOU SO.
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477. I PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU.
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478. AND WOULDN'T LET YOU GO.
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479. DON'T YOU SEE?
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480. YOU'RE THE ME I COULDN'T BEGIN
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481. TO POSSESS.
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482. UNLESS I SPLIT A HOLE IN
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483. TIME.
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484. AND SHOVED IT INTO YOUR PARTY
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485. DRESS.
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