Malcolm in the Middle 3x8

Directed by Ken Kwapis

Harry Groener as Rudy • Rappin' Granny as Althea • Edward James Gage as Steve • Norma Michaels as Ethel • Jackie Benoit as Mrs. Jenkins

Poker showdowns with Abe give Hal a flush; dance lessons turn Lois awhirl; an Alaskan blizzard entraps and rattles Francis. (TV Guide)

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Oh, with the boys asleep this house is so quiet.

2. Mm-hmm.

3. Such a nice idea to build a fire.

4. Yeah.

5. Hey, I didn't build the fire.

6. I thought you built the fire.

7. Well, looks like Reese got a "D" in English.

8. And Dewey seems to be fighting again.

9. Biting.

10. Oh, Malcolm, tell your teacher

11. I'd love to chaperone the class overnight.

12. We can share a tent.

13. I can't believe Mr. Herkabe

14. let you do a video project instead of a paper.

15. You could've... asked.

16. I don't have parents rich enough to buy me a video camera.

17. Rich... and compensating.

18. I don't even know what I'm going to write about.

19. I mean, what's your movie going to be about?

20. The creative... process.

21. You writing... your paper.

22. Is that thing on? Turn it off!

23. I don't even have an idea yet.

24. You're going to make me look like an idiot.

25. I'm serious!

26. This is... great.

27. Now knock... me over.

28. Hello.

29. Hey, it's Abe.

30. Oh, hey!

31. I know it's short notice,

32. but someone dropped out of our poker game.

33. Can you make it tonight?

34. Are you kidding? I have been waiting

35. for you to invite me for months!

36. See you at 8:00.

37. Thanks!

38. Hot-cha!

39. Honey, honey, guess what, guess what?

40. Guess what? I'm going to go play poker at Abe's tonight.

41. He just asked me!

42. Hal, tonight's our first dance class.

43. That's tonight? Yes, it was your birthday present to me.

44. Oh.

45. Fine, go play poker.

46. I love you!

47. Great, now who am I going to go with?

48. Did Reese finish his homework yet?

49. Of course I finished my homework.

50. Good. You can come to dance class with me.

51. What? No, I was lying.

52. I didn't finish my homework.

53. I don't even know what my homework is!

54. Go get your shoes.

55. If the weather report's right,

56. this storm's going to last a week.

57. Now, you ration these supplies.

58. And make no mistake—

59. you're the last ones we'll dig out.

60. We're supposed to live for a week

61. on meat paste and caribou jerky?

62. Hey, that's a week I don't get any work out of you.

63. No one's crying for me!

64. Now, it's just a friendly game.

65. Mostly we sit around talking,

66. but eventually we get around to playing cards.

67. Sounds good to me.

68. I'm looking forward to meeting your friends.

69. Everybody, this is Hal.

70. Hal. Hello, Hal.

71. Hal, this is Brian, Trey, Steve and Malik.

72. Hi.

73. It's great to meet you guys.

74. So, what's the buy-in?

75. Fifty dollars.

76. Okay.

77. There.

78. What's with Wanda?

79. Ain't no thing.

80. Oh... oh... whoops!

81. Put a dollar in the pot.

82. Oh, we got a regular D-Dog here.

83. And right, left, cha-cha-cha.

84. And remember, God created artificial hips for a reason.

85. Let's use them.

86. And, back, two, cha-cha, finish.

87. All right, very good.

88. Everyone, let's pair up.

89. May I?

90. Oh, okay.

91. No way.

92. You be a gentleman!

93. It's just like touching a dead person.

94. It's just like touching a dead person.

95. Goodness, how many lessons have you had?

96. What? None.

97. Really? I'm impressed.

98. You have very good instincts.

99. I do? Mm-hmm.

100. I'm not surprised.

101. You're built for it.

102. You have a dancer's ankles.

103. I do not.

104. You're a lovely young man.

105. You don't shake like all the other men here.

106. Mind if I cut in?

107. You wait your turn!

108. I'll give you five bucks to dance with me.

109. Okay.

110. And still... he has... nothing.

111. All right, you know what? That's it.

112. I'm writing about you doing your movie.

113. But my movie's... about your paper.

114. Yeah, I'm doing my paper

115. about you doing your movie about me doing my paper.

116. Fine!

117. My movie's...

118. about you doing...

119. your paper...

120. about me doing...

121. my...

122. All right! I get it.

123. movie...

124. about you...

125. Hey, guys, you know what you should

126. do your movie about? Old people.

127. Did you know that some of them

128. have spent their entire lives saving money

129. only to find out they've outlived everybody

130. they want to share it with?

131. Talk about sad.

132. I raise you five.

133. I see your five, and I raise you...

134. two.

135. Call.

136. Full house, kings over eights.

137. Straight flush to the jack!

138. I knew you had it!

139. How could you know that?

140. He had... he had nothing on top!

141. Trey never stays in unless he's got something good.

142. Perhaps we should call it a night.

143. We are definitely bringing you back.

144. Hey, Brian, when was the last time

145. you were ahead for an evening?

146. He can't remember that far back.

147. Now you got something to sneak intoyour wife's purse.

148. I had the most wonderful time in dance class.

149. Every time the instructor

150. needed to show the class something,

151. he used me as his partner.

152. I always thought I was such a clodhopper.

153. I cannot believe

154. what I have missed all these years.

155. Oh, how was your poker game?

156. Hmm?

157. It was great.

158. Why wouldn't it be?

159. I love Abe.

160. I love poker.

161. A whole night playing poker with Abe...

162. and his friends.

163. The teacher thinks I have dancer's ankles.

164. What do you think, huh?

165. You want to dance with the star pupil?

166. What?

167. You know... dance?

168. No, I'm not in the mood.

169. You're always in the mood.

170. Not every single night of my life.

171. Yes, you are.

172. I'm not like some kind of machine.

173. Yes, you are.

174. You can't just snap your fingers...

175. Yes, I can. I always have.

176. Oh, all right.

177. Palm kernel oil,

178. pectin, manganese sulfate

179. and...

180. zinc oxide?

181. Yes, that's meat paste, baby.

182. Man, this sucks!

183. We knew we were going to be stuck here for a week

184. and no one even bothered to grab a deck of cards

185. or a magazine.

186. I could do my foot puppets again.

187. Please, no.

188. How long have we been stuck here for?

189. I have lost all sense of time.

190. I guess about five days.

191. We've just got to keep ourselves busy.

192. Tell you what.

193. Let's put our heads together and recreate

194. whole episodes of Gilligan's Island.

195. We already did that.

196. That was this storm?

197. Look, if we don't come up with something to do,

198. I'm going to go insane.

199. Come on, Reese, we don't want to be late.

200. We're doing the mambo tonight.

201. I'll home about 10:30.

202. What are you doing?

203. Is it too much to ask that we get

204. some pickles in this house that are edible?

205. Hal, what's wrong? Nothing.

206. Just... just go to your class.

207. Look, you have been snapping at everybody all week.

208. My class can wait one minute.

209. Now, you tell me what's going on.

210. All right.

211. This thing happened and I didn't want to talk about it

212. because I wasn't sure it actually happened,

213. and if it didn't, I'd be like the biggest jerk in the world

214. for saying that it did when it didn't.

215. I'd be creating this whole big issue.

216. But, you know what, the more I think about it,

217. the more I realize it did happen.

218. Oh, it did!

219. You know, Dewey,

220. I've recently come into a little money.

221. So I went to the mall to buy myself a CD player,

222. and then I saw this little kid that reminded me of you.

223. And I thought of a better way to spend it.

224. So, here.

225. Wow!

226. Oh, my God!

227. The look on your face— that was totally worth it!

228. You're the worst brother ever.

229. I know! I know!

230. Because I was there when it happened!

231. Oh, we like to think that the differences people have

232. aren't really differences at all,

233. but then suddenly you're on the outside

234. being taken advantage of because you're different.

235. Honey, I'm sorry. I got to go.

236. We can talk later. Bye.

237. Hello. Abe, it's Hal.

238. You've reached Kenarbans.

239. Please leave a message after the beep.

240. Abe, it's Hal.

241. I don't know if this is recording,

242. but we have something we need to talk about.

243. Now, I could be mistaken, and If I am

244. I'm sure it's going to make me sound like I'm an idiot...

245. Dad, Stevie's being really annoying.

246. He's filming everything I do.

247. Malcolm's being...

248. Damn it, Stevie, I don't want to hear it.

249. You just behave yourself.

250. You are a guest in this house.

251. He was a guest in your house.

252. People should never yell at children.

253. Especially children that aren't their own.

254. I apologized two minutes later,

255. and Stevie accepted the apology.

256. You know, he's not that fragile,

257. so why don't you just relax.

258. Really. What?

259. At least I'm man enough to apologize

260. when I've been a jerk.

261. What is that supposed to mean?

262. You know darn well what I'm talking about.

263. The way you and our friends treated me the other night.

264. What?

265. Oh, please.

266. Look, obviously I'm different.

267. I mean, I walked through that door

268. and stuck out like a sore thumb.

269. I always thought those things didn't matter, but...

270. If you're implying what I think you're implying...

271. You want me to just come out and say it?

272. I think you'd better.

273. Fine. You and your poker buddies

274. all ganged up on me

275. because I'm not a professional.

276. Excuse me? Yeah, you

277. and your doctor friend and your lawyer friend

278. and your dentist friend.

279. You decided it was okay to skin a guy

280. just because he's a working stiff.

281. And I bet you had a big laugh about it afterwards.

282. Listen, you idiot, we didn't gang up on you.

283. You just stink at poker. Oh, is that right?

284. That was a cheap shot.

285. The truth... hurts.

286. If we were playing

287. in a straight game,

288. I would have mopped the floor with you.

289. We did play in a straight game— Hah!

290. and you went home crying to your mama.

291. Well, why don't we play right now

292. and we'll see who will do the crying

293. and who will do the mopping.

294. I will own you.

295. I... I mean...

296. I didn't mean...

297. I meant...

298. Oh, shut up and get the cards.

299. You going to see me?

300. He doesn't have the flush.

301. What?

302. He has a tell.

303. He licks his lips when he's bluffing.

304. I'll see your five and...

305. raise you five.

306. Fold.

307. The bet's $10.

308. I call. Straight.

309. Flush.

310. Time's up. My turn with the string.

311. I don't have it. I gave it to Pete.

312. I gave it to Francis.

313. And then I gave it back to Eric.

314. What? You did not.

315. Yes, I did.

316. What are you trying to pull?

317. Nothing. I'm just saying I don't have the string.

318. You're the last person I saw it with.

319. What the hell are we going to do

320. without that string?

321. Guys, come on. It's just a stupid string.

322. So what do you think would be a reason

323. for saying that, Eric?

324. You're the only one

325. who seems to have a motive against the string.

326. No, I love the string. It's just...

327. Maybe you loved it a little too much.

328. And I quote,

329. "If I can't have the string, no one will."

330. I didn't say that!

331. Well, someone said it!

332. You just now!

333. Don't try to twist this around.

334. He's not the one on trial.

335. What trial?

336. Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

337. He raises four.

338. Your four, five more.

339. Malcolm, maybe...

340. You want to play? Fine.

341. I almost feel sorry for them.

342. Almost.

343. All right, we're going to end this right here.

344. Winner take all.

345. Fine.

346. Turn 'em up.

347. Three fives.

348. Three fives with a jack.

349. Yeah!

350. That makes six fives!

351. What the hell kind of deck has six fives!

352. I don't know. I got 'em from the boys' room.

353. You call yourself a poker player?

354. You don't even have a decent deck.

355. Well, I'm sorry

356. I don't have solid gold playing cards

357. like you're accustomed to at your house.

358. This poor-guy act is getting a little tiring!

359. Your superior act is getting a little old, too.

360. If I'm such a big jerk why'd you even come over?

361. Pardon me for wanting to play poker

362. with my best friend!

363. I mean, I was really excited to come over and play poker

364. and meet your other friends.

365. Truth be told, I was excited for you to come over, too.

366. I bought a new shirt.

367. That Hawaiian one?

368. I like that one.

369. Why are we fighting like this?

370. Because we're idiots!

371. Well, boys, what do you say we all go out

372. to get some ice cream?

373. Sounds good to me.

374. Hey, Dewey, come on. We're going for ice cream.

375. Where's your brother?

376. You see this, ladies?

377. Mrs. Angela's going to get her dance.

378. As for the rest of you, I'm not running a charity here.

379. You have to come up with the dough!

380. I do not dance on credit.

381. No offense, but some of you

382. might not even be around next week.

383. Oh, I didn't want that to end.

384. That does it.

385. I'm signing up for your Monday- Wednesday class.

386. Maybe Saturday, too.

387. But first I've got to...

388. Lois, Lois, please. Come-come with me.

389. Uh...

390. We have to stop this.

391. Why?

392. Honey, you've outgrown me.

393. I give beginning dance lessons,

394. usually to people who can barely move.

395. Now...

396. this is another instructor.

397. He's across town, but he is the best.

398. He's the only one who can take you to the next level.

399. But I really love it here.

400. Lois, you have a gift.

401. You mustn't waste it.

402. It's time for you to-to spread your wings...

403. and fly.

404. Fly away, little bird.

405. Oh, my God!

406. Francis, you're going to do it?

407. Hey, I'm your best friend.

408. I'm not going to let one of these jerks brand you.

409. Now everyone's going to know

410. that you're a string thief.

411. We're shoveled out.

412. Vacation's over.

413. He took the string.

414. Every damn storm.

415. So, Dewey, how come you're not playing with your toy?

416. What are you smiling about?

417. Where did you get this?

418. Have a seat. In a minute

419. you and Mrs. Johnson do the forbidden dance.

420. You think that's the only copy?

421. What do you take me for?

422. Enjoy your assembly tomorrow.

423. I'm going to the ball game with Abe this weekend.

424. He had one ticket. Invited me.

425. That's great, dear. I'm glad.

426. What's this?

427. He was trying to get rid of me.

428. Hal, turn this off.

429. Hal?

430. Oh, my God, I can't believe

431. how beautifully you dance.

432. Hal, you are such a fool.