1. My turn.Copy !req
2. Wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
3. I had no idea homework
could be so funny.Copy !req
4. It's suicide.Copy !req
5. I don't care,
I'm going in.Copy !req
6. Guess what.Copy !req
7. I just got back from the doctor.Copy !req
8. My spine is curved!Copy !req
9. How bad?
No gym for two years.Copy !req
10. This is brilliant.Copy !req
11. I wonder if my third nipple
can get me out of wrestling.Copy !req
12. It's worth a shot.Copy !req
13. Here comes...Copy !req
14. her royal...Copy !req
15. bitchiness.Copy !req
16. Cynthia just got back
from a semester in New YorkCopy !req
17. and she's totally changed.Copy !req
18. She always used to be so happy.Copy !req
19. Now it's like
she's given up on life.Copy !req
20. She's bitter and sarcastic.Copy !req
21. I mean, I could pull it off,Copy !req
22. but on her
it's really unpleasant.Copy !req
23. Malcolm, can you ask
your lemmings to move the herdCopy !req
24. an inch to the left
so I could get past?Copy !req
25. I'm sorry,
did you say "inch"?Copy !req
26. Don't you mean
2.54 centimeters?Copy !req
27. Or.254 decimeters?Copy !req
28. Or 25.4 million nanometers?Copy !req
29. Come on, guys,
stop teasing her.Copy !req
30. You stink at it.Copy !req
31. Don't defend her, Malcolm.Copy !req
32. If I wanted
this kind of abuse,Copy !req
33. I'd have a conversation
with my oboe teacher.Copy !req
34. She's... dead... to us.Copy !req
35. Hey, are you okay?Copy !req
36. What are you talking about?
What do you mean?Copy !req
37. Well, you've been acting
kind of strange lately.Copy !req
38. Malcolm, look around youCopy !req
39. and reconsider your
definition of strange.Copy !req
40. Over 12% deviation
from vertical.Copy !req
41. Fair enough.Copy !req
42. Dad, look how high my kite is.Copy !req
43. Oh, that's great, son.Copy !req
44. That's terrific.Copy !req
45. You want to try?Copy !req
46. Uh, no. Why not?Copy !req
47. I don't like kites.Copy !req
48. What do you mean
you don't like kites?Copy !req
49. I don't like kites
and they don't like me.Copy !req
50. We-we just don't get along.Copy !req
51. You'd like it
if you tried it.Copy !req
52. Come on. Just try it.Copy !req
53. Hold the string.Copy !req
54. Hey, Lois.Copy !req
55. Karen, what are you
doing out there?Copy !req
56. Come on in.Copy !req
57. I'm sorry.Copy !req
58. I didn't mean to lurk.Copy !req
59. I was working up the nerve
to talk to you.Copy !req
60. Are you okay?Copy !req
61. You look different.Copy !req
62. I'm sober.Copy !req
63. Oh.Copy !req
64. Yeah, after I drove across
that miniature golf course,Copy !req
65. they made me get into
a 12-step program, so...Copy !req
66. Good for you.Copy !req
67. Yeah, thanks.
I'm doing really great.Copy !req
68. Anyway, I'm up to the partCopy !req
69. where I'm supposed
to make amendsCopy !req
70. to the people that I've hurt.Copy !req
71. What did you
ever do to me?Copy !req
72. Remember New Year's
at Deb and Rich'sCopy !req
73. where everyone was kissing
at midnight?Copy !req
74. Yeah.Copy !req
75. Well, when I kissed
your husband,Copy !req
76. I kind of...
stuck my tongue in his mouth.Copy !req
77. I mean,
I felt really terrible.Copy !req
78. And then after thatCopy !req
79. I put my cigarette out
in Rich's toupee.Copy !req
80. And those things go up
so quickly, I had...Copy !req
81. You were French-kissing
my husband?Copy !req
82. Don't be mad at him, Lois.Copy !req
83. He pushed me away
after like five or six seconds.Copy !req
84. Well, it was definitely
no more than ten.Copy !req
85. And I'm sure
the only reasonCopy !req
86. he was moving his tongue aroundCopy !req
87. was because he was trying
to say something.Copy !req
88. That's enough, Karen.Copy !req
89. I-I-I get it.Copy !req
90. I'm sorry.Copy !req
91. Now I have to go
over to Stephanie'sCopy !req
92. and tell her she can take
down those lost dog posters.Copy !req
93. Come on, Francis.Copy !req
94. It's Friday night.Copy !req
95. Can we please go out
and get hammered?Copy !req
96. Is getting drunk all
you ever think about?Copy !req
97. I mean, look at us.Copy !req
98. We work like dogs all day.Copy !req
99. We drink and then we work
like hungover dogs.Copy !req
100. Is this really how
you pictured your life?Copy !req
101. Ever since I was little.Copy !req
102. Why, what'd you picture?Copy !req
103. I don't know.Copy !req
104. There's just got
to be more to lifeCopy !req
105. than getting
falling-down drunkCopy !req
106. and behaving
like a jackass.Copy !req
107. Just looky what we found.Copy !req
108. You stole a totem pole? No, no, no,Copy !req
109. he asked to
come with us.Copy !req
110. He hasn't shut up
for an hour.Copy !req
111. You can't leave
this here.Copy !req
112. People worship these things.Copy !req
113. It's like a sacred object.Copy !req
114. Do I have something in my teeth?Copy !req
115. Be honest.Copy !req
116. What is wrong with you people?Copy !req
117. You see a symbol
of a worldCopy !req
118. beyond scraping grease,
and your first thought is,Copy !req
119. let's profane it
in our cabin?Copy !req
120. Don't you have any respect
for anything?Copy !req
121. Look, a penny.Copy !req
122. It's mine!Copy !req
123. I saw it first!Copy !req
124. Is my coffee ready yet?Copy !req
125. I can't believe you
only have instant.Copy !req
126. I'm sorry our "Fol-gérs"
isn't up to your standards.Copy !req
127. And I'd be a little
more impressedCopy !req
128. with your coffee-drinking
sophisticationCopy !req
129. if you weren't wearing
a kitty sweater.Copy !req
130. I'm supposed to take style tipsCopy !req
131. from someone who keeps track
of wrestling feuds.Copy !req
132. You know,
ever since you've been back,Copy !req
133. you've been mean to everyone.Copy !req
134. I know you think
you're better than us.Copy !req
135. Even if that's true,Copy !req
136. it doesn't give you
the rightCopy !req
137. to be nasty.Copy !req
138. If you keep this up,Copy !req
139. you're not going
to have any friends.Copy !req
140. You think you know
what everybody's problem is?Copy !req
141. Well, guess what,
you don't.Copy !req
142. You think you're so smart
and togetherCopy !req
143. and that no one notices
what an unhappy little personCopy !req
144. you are.Copy !req
145. I'm sorry.Copy !req
146. I'm not going to strokeCopy !req
147. your fragile ego
by confiding in you.Copy !req
148. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
149. Well, you're on fire.Copy !req
150. Mommy.Copy !req
151. How could you
do that to me?Copy !req
152. You were on fire.
I was just trying to help.Copy !req
153. How does yelling,
"Oh, my God,Copy !req
154. where did those
come from?" help?Copy !req
155. I'm sorry.Copy !req
156. It just...Copy !req
157. you scared me.Copy !req
158. They scared me.Copy !req
159. I mean, they don't scare me.Copy !req
160. They startled me. I...Copy !req
161. I hate this.Copy !req
162. Everyone looks at me
like you did.Copy !req
163. Like I'm some kind of freak.Copy !req
164. I was surprised, that's all.Copy !req
165. It's just really different.Copy !req
166. I mean, I would react
the same wayCopy !req
167. if you had a new haircut.Copy !req
168. A giant haircut.Copy !req
169. No one can know
about this.Copy !req
170. You can't tell anyone!Copy !req
171. What are you talking about?Copy !req
172. Promise me. But...Copy !req
173. Promise.Copy !req
174. All right. All right.Copy !req
175. I promise.Copy !req
176. Come on. You're fine.Copy !req
177. This is just a change
on the outside.Copy !req
178. I mean, inside
you're the same.Copy !req
179. If you give people a chance,
they'll see that.Copy !req
180. Will you stop staring at them?Copy !req
181. Am... am I staring?Copy !req
182. Dad, I've been thinkingCopy !req
183. about how to fix
your kite problem.Copy !req
184. I don't have a kite problem.Copy !req
185. It's okay, Dad.Copy !req
186. Maybe we could startCopy !req
187. with you explaining
why you hate kites.Copy !req
188. Let me try it. I want to try.Copy !req
189. Fine. Here, jerk.Copy !req
190. Help me! Help!Copy !req
191. I just do! There doesn't need
to be a reason.Copy !req
192. Doesn't Dewey
ever have any homework?Copy !req
193. He seems to haveCopy !req
194. an awful lot of time
on his hands.Copy !req
195. Something wrong? Yesterday I hadCopy !req
196. the most interesting
conversation with Karen.Copy !req
197. She's in this programCopy !req
198. where you have to apologize
to your loved ones,Copy !req
199. and it got me thinking...Copy !req
200. do I have anything that
I need to apologize for?Copy !req
201. Okay, by you, you mean me.Copy !req
202. And since you're phrasing it
as a question,Copy !req
203. it means you already
know the answer.Copy !req
204. Karen told me that
you French-kissed herCopy !req
205. on New Year's Eve.Copy !req
206. What? I did not.Copy !req
207. I can't believe it.Copy !req
208. You-You're actually accusing me
of this?Copy !req
209. Why would Karen lie?Copy !req
210. Why would Ilie?Copy !req
211. Lois, for the past 20 yearsCopy !req
212. yours has been
the only tongueCopy !req
213. that's been in my mouth.Copy !req
214. Now, you're just going
to have to believe that.Copy !req
215. I don't lie.Copy !req
216. So, are we going
to fly kites tomorrow?Copy !req
217. Sorry, son, I have
to testify at a
murder trial.Copy !req
218. But darn it, you're my sonCopy !req
219. and I want to go to
the park with you.Copy !req
220. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
221. The kids don't count.Copy !req
222. Hal, it wouldn't be
such a big dealCopy !req
223. if you would just admit it.Copy !req
224. Oh, come on, Lois.Copy !req
225. What possible reason would
I have to kiss Karen?Copy !req
226. You're a man.Copy !req
227. What is that
supposed to mean?Copy !req
228. You have been with the same
woman all these years.Copy !req
229. It's only natural
to be a little... curious.Copy !req
230. About what?Copy !req
231. You mean to tell me,Copy !req
232. after all these years
of marriage,Copy !req
233. you've never even so much
as thought about another woman?Copy !req
234. What are you talking about?Copy !req
235. If you are just going
to be ridiculous,Copy !req
236. there is no point in carrying on
this conversation.Copy !req
237. But you are on notice.Copy !req
238. Wait! I want to talk to you!Copy !req
239. You are unhappy.Copy !req
240. Yes, I am.Copy !req
241. Why?Copy !req
242. I think
I may have ruined my life.Copy !req
243. I left my family and friends
to come up here.Copy !req
244. I was supposed
to be finding myself,Copy !req
245. but all I feel is empty.Copy !req
246. I have the answer
to your suffering, Francis.Copy !req
247. The answer is...Copy !req
248. Francis!Copy !req
249. Oh.Copy !req
250. Who was that spiky-head kidCopy !req
251. that was friends
with Little Lulu?Copy !req
252. What?Copy !req
253. Ah, don't worry.Copy !req
254. Maybe it'll come to you
if you sleep on it, hmm?Copy !req
255. Everything's ready.Copy !req
256. The kite tail is set.Copy !req
257. It's a windy day.Copy !req
258. Now, say it.Copy !req
259. I am not cursed.Copy !req
260. Good. Now, runCopy !req
261. and don't stop
until it's in the air.Copy !req
262. I am not cursed.
I am not cursed.Copy !req
263. Come on, get out
of the field.Copy !req
264. Oh, excuse me.Copy !req
265. Sorry.Copy !req
266. It's flying!
It's flying!Copy !req
267. I can't believeCopy !req
268. you guys threw refrigerator
magnets at Dabney's back brace.Copy !req
269. Come on. It was great.Copy !req
270. He was walking
around all dayCopy !req
271. with "Florida is for
Lovers" on his back.Copy !req
272. That laugh is so not cute.Copy !req
273. I'm sorry my laugh
isn't as melodiousCopy !req
274. as your lovely, cracking voice.Copy !req
275. "My name's Malcolm.Copy !req
276. I have all the answers,
but no one to listen to me."Copy !req
277. Oh, that's funny.Copy !req
278. This was fun.Copy !req
279. Hi, Reese.Copy !req
280. What a pig.Copy !req
281. What?
What happened
to your friend?Copy !req
282. She was never that
great, but now, geez.Copy !req
283. It's like she's
trying to be ugly.Copy !req
284. Shut up.
Someone
should tell herCopy !req
285. she's not in
Euro-pee-uh anymore.Copy !req
286. In America
we take showers.Copy !req
287. Drop it, Reese.
She doesn't smell.Copy !req
288. Well, she dresses
like a bag lady.Copy !req
289. Oh, oh, I know.Copy !req
290. Her butt is gigantic, and
she's trying to hide it.Copy !req
291. This is so great.Copy !req
292. I have so much
material for that.Copy !req
293. I have a "wide load"
stickerCopy !req
294. and I can make
the truck noise
when she backs up.Copy !req
295. Beep, beep, beep...Copy !req
296. Reese, when exactly
is she going to back up?Copy !req
297. You're right.Copy !req
298. Okay, when's her
lunch period?Copy !req
299. I think I'll sneak in
and throw bacon at her.Copy !req
300. Then she'll back up.Copy !req
301. Beep, beep, beep...Copy !req
302. Look, moron,
she's not hiding her butt.Copy !req
303. She's hiding her big boobs,
okay?Copy !req
304. So, if you tease her,
you're just going
to look like a...Copy !req
305. You are a good,
good brother.Copy !req
306. No.Copy !req
307. I lied.
Her butt ishuge.Copy !req
308. I think it helped CynthiaCopy !req
309. to tell me
what was bothering her.Copy !req
310. She's been in a much better mood
at school.Copy !req
311. She even stuck her homework
up on Dabney's back.Copy !req
312. What are you doing? Algebra.Copy !req
313. What did he say to you?Copy !req
314. Malcolm, calm down.Copy !req
315. I'm just helping him
with his homework.Copy !req
316. You know Reese doesn't
care about school.Copy !req
317. That's what I thought,Copy !req
318. but when he asked
me for help,Copy !req
319. he sounded so pathetic,
I couldn't say no.Copy !req
320. How are you doing
on number five?Copy !req
321. Awful. I'm never going
to get this.Copy !req
322. I'm such an idiot.Copy !req
323. No, you're not.Copy !req
324. Everyone says I'm an idiot
all the time.Copy !req
325. Well, he is.Copy !req
326. Malcolm!Copy !req
327. It's not his fault.Copy !req
328. Someone at some point
decided I was dumb,Copy !req
329. and that's all
anyone ever sees of me.Copy !req
330. Why do they always focus
on one detail?Copy !req
331. They can never look
at the whole person.Copy !req
332. I don't know.Copy !req
333. Francis, man,
Lavernia's going to kill youCopy !req
334. if you miss another shift.Copy !req
335. Let her. I'm not
walking away from this
totem pole right now.Copy !req
336. Not when I'm this
close to figuring outCopy !req
337. what it is it's
trying to tell me.Copy !req
338. Have you even eaten anything?Copy !req
339. No. I'm fasting.Copy !req
340. It helps my meditation.Copy !req
341. I can't explain it,
but there's some kindCopy !req
342. of an energy running
through this thing.Copy !req
343. It gave me that dream.Copy !req
344. It's trying to help me
get to something.Copy !req
345. That's it. We're getting rid
of this thing,Copy !req
346. and we're putting you back
on corn dogs and pornCopy !req
347. for your own safety.Copy !req
348. Back away from the pole.Copy !req
349. So... you guys want to go...Copy !req
350. shoot some eagles?Copy !req
351. Nothing else to do.Copy !req
352. What are you goingCopy !req
353. to do to her?Copy !req
354. I don't know what you're
talking about.Copy !req
355. Okay, I've been dying
to tell someone.Copy !req
356. Malcolm,
I'm going to see them.Copy !req
357. What?I'm going to be nice
to her,Copy !req
358. make her my girlfriend,
and get her to take her top off.Copy !req
359. You're crazy.Copy !req
360. That's what I thought
at first,Copy !req
361. but I've got it
all figured out.Copy !req
362. I've been working on this
for days.Copy !req
363. Tomorrow I'll reveal
an embarrassing secretCopy !req
364. that makes her feel trusted.Copy !req
365. Friday I'll sneak a kiss
and then apologize.Copy !req
366. Three days later
I actually ask her out,Copy !req
367. she catches me crying,
make-out session,Copy !req
368. she discovers a love letter
in my back pocket,Copy !req
369. heavier make-out session,
all culminating in March 8:Copy !req
370. Double-D Day.Copy !req
371. You're pure evil!Copy !req
372. Who's more evil?Copy !req
373. Me or the person who told me?Copy !req
374. You! Yeah, but you'dstill be
in trouble.Copy !req
375. I bet she'd never
forgive you.Copy !req
376. Now, if you'll excuse me,Copy !req
377. I have to go make
a mix tape.Copy !req
378. Okay, so we had
a little setback,Copy !req
379. but don't give up.Copy !req
380. Oh, forget it!Copy !req
381. I'm sick of this!Copy !req
382. I hate kites!Copy !req
383. I have always hated kites!Copy !req
384. Dad, don't freak out
in front of the other kids.Copy !req
385. No! I'm never
going to get thisCopy !req
386. and I don't want to!Copy !req
387. You can't just give up.Copy !req
388. I can give up
whenever I want
to, and I give up!Copy !req
389. That's it!Copy !req
390. I'm tired of your attitude.Copy !req
391. I'm going home.Copy !req
392. Dewey! Dewey,
come back here.Copy !req
393. It's too far
for you to walk.Copy !req
394. Oh!Copy !req
395. Dewey!Copy !req
396. Dewey, stop!Copy !req
397. Dewey!Copy !req
398. Don't you ever run
away like that again!Copy !req
399. There's something
on the back of your pants.Copy !req
400. I'm flying a kite!Copy !req
401. I'm flying a kite!Copy !req
402. Lois, I did it!Copy !req
403. I did it!Copy !req
404. I actually flew a kite!Copy !req
405. I can't believe
I actually thought
these were evil.Copy !req
406. I love this kite.Copy !req
407. Why don't you kiss it?Copy !req
408. Oh, for God's sake.Copy !req
409. Are you still
obsessing about that?Copy !req
410. I want a straight answer
out of you.Copy !req
411. Lois, I swear,Copy !req
412. from the moment
I laid eyes on you,Copy !req
413. you were the only woman
in the world for me.Copy !req
414. So you mean to tell meCopy !req
415. that unlike
any other man alive,Copy !req
416. you don't even have
a glancing interestCopy !req
417. for other women?Copy !req
418. You and you alone stand
outside the dictatesCopy !req
419. of millions of years
of evolution?Copy !req
420. Why is that so hard
for you to believe?Copy !req
421. Because I look at other men!Copy !req
422. Not seriouslyCopy !req
423. and I would never
do anything about it,Copy !req
424. but, God, Hal, I notice.Copy !req
425. And if you don't,
it means that...Copy !req
426. it means that
you love meCopy !req
427. more than I love you.Copy !req
428. Well, honey, that's
always been true.Copy !req
429. Of course I love you more.Copy !req
430. And you're okay with that?Copy !req
431. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
432. I mean, think about it.Copy !req
433. If you loved me
as much as I loved you,Copy !req
434. we'd never leave the bedroom.Copy !req
435. Nothing would get done.Copy !req
436. We'd die of starvation.Copy !req
437. I love you!Copy !req
438. Oh...Copy !req
439. Not as much
as I love you.Copy !req
440. I have fasted, I have meditated,Copy !req
441. I got frostbite spending a night
in the wilderness.Copy !req
442. I just want to know what to do.Copy !req
443. What am I missing?Copy !req
444. Okay, let's see, there's a wolf.Copy !req
445. What's that?Copy !req
446. Loyalty.Copy !req
447. And the eagle.Copy !req
448. Keen insight. Insight.Copy !req
449. And the frog is...Copy !req
450. bug-eating.Copy !req
451. But what does it have to do
with anything?Copy !req
452. Please, just give me a sign
or-or a signal or-or something!Copy !req
453. Oh, my God!Copy !req
454. You the dirtbag
that took my pole?
Huh?Copy !req
455. That's my pole.Copy !req
456. I want it back.Copy !req
457. Oh, of course.Copy !req
458. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
459. Look, I didn't take it,
but, please, I'm going crazy.Copy !req
460. Can you tell me what it means?Copy !req
461. Well, if I hit it,Copy !req
462. it means I'm five inches away
from the back of my carport.Copy !req
463. What? You use this
as a wheel stop?Copy !req
464. This beautiful, sacred thing?Copy !req
465. Sacred? It's a decoration.Copy !req
466. You know, like a coat
of arms or a storybook.Copy !req
467. It's a pretty chunk of wood
that my kids helped me carveCopy !req
468. on a nice Saturday afternoon.Copy !req
469. But you can't tell me that
you can't feel the energy...!Copy !req
470. You white boys are all the same.Copy !req
471. I've got dark skin,
so I must dance with the bearsCopy !req
472. and listen to the spirit
of the wind.Copy !req
473. I've got news for you.Copy !req
474. I work for a living.Copy !req
475. I'm a Baptist,
and I'm proud of it.Copy !req
476. But...Copy !req
477. are you sure?Copy !req
478. And by the way,
I have only one word for snow:Copy !req
479. snow.Copy !req
480. No!Copy !req
481. Stop!Copy !req
482. Malcolm...Copy !req
483. Don't do this.
He's not who you think he is.Copy !req
484. I didn't want
to tell you,Copy !req
485. but the only reasonCopy !req
486. Reese has shown
any interest in youCopy !req
487. is because I told him
you have big breasts.Copy !req
488. What? It just happened.Copy !req
489. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
490. But he only wants you
for your boobs.Copy !req
491. Stop saying that!Copy !req
492. He planned all this.Copy !req
493. I can prove it.Copy !req
494. He wrote it all down.Copy !req
495. This isn't it.Copy !req
496. Where's your real calendar?Copy !req
497. That ismy calendar.Copy !req
498. All the proceeds went
to an animal shelter.Copy !req
499. He's just using you.Copy !req
500. And what's worse is
you're falling for it.Copy !req
501. Leave me alone!Copy !req
502. You heard her!Copy !req
503. But...Copy !req
504. What's her name?Copy !req
505. What?Copy !req
506. What's... her... name?Copy !req
507. I know what her name is.Copy !req
508. And I am not going
to dignify that with a response.Copy !req
509. I know what her name is,
and her name... is...Copy !req
510. Uh...Copy !req
511. How can you be so creepy?Copy !req
512. Don't you even haveCopy !req
513. the remotest sense
of decencyCopy !req
514. towards a fellow
human being?Copy !req
515. I have feelings!Copy !req
516. I will be treated
with respect!Copy !req
517. I will not be
objectified!Copy !req
518. I will not be humiliated
or demeaned!Copy !req
519. Now kiss my shoe!Copy !req
520. Kiss... my... shoe!Copy !req
521. The private says,Copy !req
522. "But, General, I didn't
touch your toast!"Copy !req
523. So, Cynthia,Copy !req
524. something's
different about you.Copy !req
525. Did you getCopy !req
526. a haircut?Copy !req
527. Oh, very stylish.Copy !req
528. Cynthia,Copy !req
529. did you like Europe?Copy !req
530. I did.Copy !req
531. I forget sometimesCopy !req
532. that there's a whole
world out thereCopy !req
533. that's not full
of prurient,
adolescent boys.Copy !req
534. There's sophisticated peopleCopy !req
535. who treat me nicely and
keep their mouths shut.Copy !req
536. I get it.
Oh...Copy !req
537. Yes?Copy !req
538. Is-Is Lois here?Copy !req
539. Honey?
Oh, my God.Copy !req
540. Are you Lois' husband?Copy !req
541. Uh-huh.Copy !req
542. So, who is married
to the bald guyCopy !req
543. with the earring?Copy !req
544. That's Donna.Copy !req
545. Darn it! I thought that was one
house I didn't have to go to.Copy !req
546. Excuse me.Copy !req
547. Oh, yeah, and by the way,Copy !req
548. I lived in your houseCopy !req
549. while you were on vacation
last month.Copy !req
550. We didn't go on vacation. Darn it!Copy !req