1. Oh, my God.
Hal, look at this.Copy !req
2. We still have a Christmas
present for one of the boys.Copy !req
3. I wonder what it is.Copy !req
4. Reese ever get that
football jersey?Copy !req
5. I can't remember.Copy !req
6. Well, you know, honey,Copy !req
7. the boys got so much
for Christmas last year,Copy !req
8. they don't even
appreciate what
they have.Copy !req
9. If we save it
for his birthday,Copy !req
10. it'll be that much
more special.Copy !req
11. Hal, this one's for you.Copy !req
12. Oh, boy!
You did get meCopy !req
13. that DVD player
I've been hoping for.Copy !req
14. I thought you forgot.Copy !req
15. To be honest with you,Copy !req
16. I've been holding
a grudge for months.Copy !req
17. Now I get to watch
all those DVDs I've got hiddenCopy !req
18. in the garage.Copy !req
19. Oh.Copy !req
20. Jumper cables.Copy !req
21. Thank you, honey.Copy !req
22. Oh, this is ridiculous.Copy !req
23. Craig has been in
there for 45 minutes.Copy !req
24. How long is he going
to be living with us?Copy !req
25. Look, we have to be
patient with him.Copy !req
26. We burned the man's house down.Copy !req
27. That's it, we're
opening the door.Copy !req
28. Someone go get me
a coat hanger.Copy !req
29. I did that
yesterday, Dad.Copy !req
30. Trust me,
don't go in there.Copy !req
31. He's done
when he's done.Copy !req
32. Hey, everyone.Copy !req
33. Say good morning,
Jellybean.Copy !req
34. Oh...Copy !req
35. dear Lord.Copy !req
36. We burned his house down.Copy !req
37. You know, I'm really excitedCopy !req
38. about this father-son
weekend at Marlin.Copy !req
39. Spend some time with Francis,
do some male bonding,Copy !req
40. maybe even a survival hike.Copy !req
41. You have your fluffy pillow?Copy !req
42. Right here.Copy !req
43. I'm really going
to miss you.Copy !req
44. Oh...Copy !req
45. Come with me.Copy !req
46. I can't.
I'm not allowed.Copy !req
47. It's fathers and sons only.Copy !req
48. Well, I'll hide you.Copy !req
49. No one will know.Copy !req
50. You can be my dirty
little secret.Copy !req
51. Now this is nice.Copy !req
52. And don't you worry
about a thing, Hal.Copy !req
53. I'll take as good care of
your house as you did mine.Copy !req
54. I'm just kidding.Copy !req
55. I won't burn
your house down.Copy !req
56. But that's all in the past.
Totally forgotten.Copy !req
57. Better get going, though.
Don't want to be late.Copy !req
58. Thanks.Copy !req
59. Bye, honey.Copy !req
60. Bye.
Bye.Copy !req
61. Uh, Lois,Copy !req
62. I'm aware this isn't the most
comfortable situation here,Copy !req
63. having me around
all the time,Copy !req
64. the forbidden fruit,
as it were.Copy !req
65. Especially now,
with Hal gone.Copy !req
66. Yeah, Craig,
it's not...
But, shh...Copy !req
67. Whatever feelings
we shared...Copy !req
68. that's in the past.Copy !req
69. That part of us
is dead now.Copy !req
70. Craig, I...
Shh, shh, shh!Copy !req
71. Let's not rekindle this.Copy !req
72. You know,
if you're not allowedCopy !req
73. to keep a squirrel
in your locker,Copy !req
74. they should put up a sign.Copy !req
75. I'm not psychic.
I can't read minds.Copy !req
76. Look.Copy !req
77. No, Dewey, let's go.Copy !req
78. No, it's
a minibike.Copy !req
79. Someone's just throwing it away?Copy !req
80. Man, that would be
so cool to have.Copy !req
81. Wait! Wait!Copy !req
82. Wait.Copy !req
83. You can't
throw that out.Copy !req
84. This?Copy !req
85. It's a piece of trash.Copy !req
86. What are you
talking about?Copy !req
87. That's not trash.Copy !req
88. You don't know
what trash is.Copy !req
89. I am a garbage man.Copy !req
90. Look, why don't you
give us the bike?Copy !req
91. Maybe we can fix it up
or something.Copy !req
92. What's it worth to you?Copy !req
93. What? We don't
have any money.Copy !req
94. You were just about
to throw it away.Copy !req
95. Give you 30 bucks.Copy !req
96. Done.Copy !req
97. Where'd you
get 30 bucks?Copy !req
98. What are you, a cop?Copy !req
99. Hey, Lois.Copy !req
100. Just fighting
Father Time.Copy !req
101. Craig, I have to work
late tonight.Copy !req
102. Would you mind
feeding the boys?Copy !req
103. No problem.Copy !req
104. Thanks.Copy !req
105. So, uh, I'm in charge, then?Copy !req
106. All you have to do
is fix them some dinner.
Right.Copy !req
107. But I'm completely in charge.Copy !req
108. They got to
listen to me.Copy !req
109. Dance for me.Copy !req
110. That's right, dance.
Why?Copy !req
111. 'Cause I'm in charge,
that's why.Copy !req
112. We burned his house down.Copy !req
113. Look at it.
It was just dirty.Copy !req
114. The paint job's perfect.Copy !req
115. And all it needs is a spark plug
and a carburetorCopy !req
116. and it'll be working.Copy !req
117. We can get that stuff
off Dad's lawnmower.Copy !req
118. This minibike
is the coolest thingCopy !req
119. we've ever had in our lives.Copy !req
120. This totally makes up
for all the years of crap.Copy !req
121. This is the only thing
we've ever shared.Copy !req
122. This is the only thing we've
had that's worth sharing.Copy !req
123. The first thing
I'm gonna doCopy !req
124. is go down to Principal
Littledove's houseCopy !req
125. and cut donuts
on his front lawn.Copy !req
126. Okay, why don't you take it
tomorrow and WednesdayCopy !req
127. and I'll take it on...
Excuse me?Copy !req
128. What?
What are you doing?Copy !req
129. Nothing, I'm just
making up a schedule.Copy !req
130. Why do you get to
make up the schedule?Copy !req
131. What's the problem?Copy !req
132. I'm giving you
the first day.Copy !req
133. So what?Copy !req
134. You're not the boss
of everyone.Copy !req
135. Look, I'm the one
who put together the engine.Copy !req
136. Well, I'm the one
that paid for it.Copy !req
137. You wouldn't even have it
if I didn't see it.Copy !req
138. Shut up, Dewey.Copy !req
139. You shut up!Copy !req
140. Look, it's not
even fixed yet.Copy !req
141. There's no point
in fighting...Copy !req
142. I get it on Sundays!Copy !req
143. You do not!Copy !req
144. Dewey, you're too short
to even ride it.Copy !req
145. I'm in the 40th percentile.Copy !req
146. And you're too stupid
to ride it.Copy !req
147. Would you guys chill out?Copy !req
148. Shut up!
Yeah, Malcolm!Copy !req
149. You may be able
to boss aroundCopy !req
150. your loser Krelboynes,Copy !req
151. but normal people don't
have to listen to you.Copy !req
152. Quit talking and hit him.Copy !req
153. You don't have
any friends.Copy !req
154. Mom told you you're never
allowed to talk about that.Copy !req
155. Let's have a handCopy !req
156. for Cadet Drew
and his father,Copy !req
157. direct from the showroomsCopy !req
158. of Atlantic City.Copy !req
159. That was just riveting.Copy !req
160. And, now, we have a few more
awards to give out.Copy !req
161. Now, now,Copy !req
162. we have a lot of students, and
they all deserve recognition.Copy !req
163. The award for
the best history essayCopy !req
164. by a junior or sophomore
goes to...Copy !req
165. Cadet Eric.Copy !req
166. Congratulations.Copy !req
167. Thanks.Copy !req
168. We're so proud
of our Eric.Copy !req
169. We're the luckiest
dads in the world.Copy !req
170. It wa a great essay.Copy !req
171. I had a shot at the "C"
till he screwed up
the curve.Copy !req
172. They sure are giving out
a lot of awards, huh?Copy !req
173. Yeah, I'm sorry.
This is just ridiculous.Copy !req
174. He gives these
things out like candy.Copy !req
175. And nowCopy !req
176. the award for the cadetCopy !req
177. who has shown
the most improvement.Copy !req
178. This young lad came to Marlin
as a delinquent jack-a-ninnyCopy !req
179. without the slightest
sign of potential.Copy !req
180. And yet, in a mere
year and a half,Copy !req
181. he has startedCopy !req
182. to turn himself around.Copy !req
183. He's not all the way there yet,Copy !req
184. but he is on the path
to becomingCopy !req
185. an outstanding member
of the Marlin family.Copy !req
186. I proudly present...Copy !req
187. Cadet Gordie.Copy !req
188. This is nice, you know?Copy !req
189. Sitting around with family,
eating together, sharing.Copy !req
190. What'd you do today, buddy?Copy !req
191. Nothing. I'm too short.Copy !req
192. I wouldn't worry about that,
sport.Copy !req
193. I bet you probably have
the biggest headCopy !req
194. in your whole class.Copy !req
195. Am I too stupid
to have some more peas?Copy !req
196. I don't think there are
any rules on that, Chief.Copy !req
197. Yeah, this is nice.Copy !req
198. I remember when I was your age,
not a care in the world.Copy !req
199. Me and my imaginary brotherCopy !req
200. outside in the yard
building forts all day.Copy !req
201. Yep, good times.Copy !req
202. Where do you think you're going?Copy !req
203. To the garage!Copy !req
204. Not alone, you're not!Copy !req
205. I'm coming, too!Copy !req
206. You're all excused.Copy !req
207. Kids.Copy !req
208. Hey, genius,Copy !req
209. you going to be done
any time this year?Copy !req
210. If you'd just shut up and left
me alone, it'd be fixed by now.Copy !req
211. You two disgust me.Copy !req
212. All right, this should do it.Copy !req
213. Let me do it.Copy !req
214. I'm doing it.
Me, me, me, me!Copy !req
215. I told you I could fix it.Copy !req
216. Way to go, jackass.
Now get out of my way.Copy !req
217. Get off!
It's mine!
No!Copy !req
218. It's mine!
Get off!Copy !req
219. It's mine!
Mine!
Move!Copy !req
220. I found it
and I fixed it!Copy !req
221. It's mine!
Leave it alone!Copy !req
222. It's mine!Copy !req
223. It's nobody's!Copy !req
224. What's wrong with you kids?Copy !req
225. What are you doing?
Yeah, that's ours!Copy !req
226. We paid for it
with our own money!Copy !req
227. Well, that was pretty
stupid of you, wasn't it?Copy !req
228. There's no way
you're having a motorcycle.Copy !req
229. But, Mom, it's
not a motorcycle.Copy !req
230. It's just
a little minibike.Copy !req
231. It's a motorcycle.Copy !req
232. It's not a motorcycle!Copy !req
233. It's two feet high.Copy !req
234. It was made
specifically for kids.Copy !req
235. Two wheels. Motor.
Motorcycle.Copy !req
236. Look, I... I understand
that, uh, FrancisCopy !req
237. is never going to be
the perfect kid.Copy !req
238. You see,
what I'm asking for hereCopy !req
239. is, is just a little...
ray of hope.Copy !req
240. Anything at all?Copy !req
241. Francis is...Copy !req
242. not interested in learning.Copy !req
243. Francis is...Copy !req
244. interested in causing trouble.Copy !req
245. I'm sorry to have to say that,
but I have seen his type before.Copy !req
246. All he likes to doCopy !req
247. is flout authority.Copy !req
248. He has contempt for rules.Copy !req
249. He lives to undermine
and destroy.Copy !req
250. He feels
no compunction...Copy !req
251. Okay.Copy !req
252. I get it.Copy !req
253. Isn't there anything
positive you can tell me?Copy !req
254. Sorry.Copy !req
255. Oh, wait.Copy !req
256. Yes?Copy !req
257. Do you want chicken
or fish tonight?Copy !req
258. Look, Mom,
I don't think you realizeCopy !req
259. how much we really want
this bike.Copy !req
260. I looked over your tax return,
and I think I could save youCopy !req
261. about $1,200...Copy !req
262. if you make it
worth my while.Copy !req
263. No.Copy !req
264. You know that dog
that keeps you up every night?Copy !req
265. I could take him
for a little... "walk."Copy !req
266. No!Copy !req
267. I want it! I want it!Copy !req
268. I hate you! I want it!Copy !req
269. I wish I was dead!Copy !req
270. Detailed information
on every unsolved breakageCopy !req
271. or disappearance in this house
for the last two years.Copy !req
272. No!Copy !req
273. Doing laundry, huh?Copy !req
274. Yes, Craig.Copy !req
275. Well, don't even think
of doing my stuff.Copy !req
276. I'm the only guy
that handles my used underpants,Copy !req
277. thank you very much.Copy !req
278. Of course, shame
to waste electricityCopy !req
279. if you got the room.Copy !req
280. Okay, Mom,
we thought about itCopy !req
281. and we understandCopy !req
282. that you're worried
about us getting hurt,Copy !req
283. so we promise we'll
always wear helmetsCopy !req
284. when we ride the minibike.Copy !req
285. And in addition to the helmets,Copy !req
286. we'll also wear
elbow and knee padsCopy !req
287. no matter how dorky we look.Copy !req
288. And we'll only ride it
in the park.Copy !req
289. And only under
your supervisionCopy !req
290. when you say so and
when you're with us.Copy !req
291. No.Copy !req
292. Wait!Copy !req
293. No!Copy !req
294. This isn't fair!Copy !req
295. You don't get
to just say no!Copy !req
296. Yes, I do.
No, you don't!Copy !req
297. You can't just make
a blanket statementCopy !req
298. that covers
everything.Copy !req
299. There has to be some scenarioCopy !req
300. where you'll let us
ride the bike.Copy !req
301. I mean, what if I was
a trained athleteCopy !req
302. who practiced on a simulator
for 15 yearsCopy !req
303. and wore Kevlar body armor
in a field of marshmallows?Copy !req
304. I would still say no.Copy !req
305. Now stop bothering me.Copy !req
306. I don't know, Lois.Copy !req
307. The boys sound
pretty reasonable to me.Copy !req
308. Stay out of this, Craig.Copy !req
309. Hey! I live here, too, don't I?Copy !req
310. Sorry, baby.Copy !req
311. Mom's just doing this
'cause she can't standCopy !req
312. that we were
actually working together.Copy !req
313. I know. Fixing that
bike up was the best
time we ever had.Copy !req
314. I never wanted it to end.Copy !req
315. Yeah. We were
a perfect team.Copy !req
316. We still are.Copy !req
317. The three of us,
we're going to work togetherCopy !req
318. and find a way to beat her.Copy !req
319. She's going down.Copy !req
320. Hey... wait a minute.Copy !req
321. Boys! I need some help!Copy !req
322. Oh.Copy !req
323. What's this?Copy !req
324. Looks like a picture
of you on a horse.Copy !req
325. What were you,
about Dewey's age?Copy !req
326. What are you doing with this?Copy !req
327. This looks
awfully dangerous.Copy !req
328. Look at that.Copy !req
329. No padding, no helmet.Copy !req
330. Did you ever fall?Copy !req
331. What does this
have to do with...?Copy !req
332. We're asking the questions.Copy !req
333. So, accordingCopy !req
334. to your logic,Copy !req
335. a two-foot fall
from a minibikeCopy !req
336. is more dangerous
than a six-foot fallCopy !req
337. from a galloping horse?Copy !req
338. That was a long time ago.Copy !req
339. Before gravity?Copy !req
340. I don't have time for this
right now.Copy !req
341. I have to get ready...Copy !req
342. I have to go to work.Copy !req
343. Did you see that?Copy !req
344. We totally rattled her!
Yeah!Copy !req
345. We did it!Copy !req
346. It worked!Copy !req
347. We've got Mom!Copy !req
348. What?Copy !req
349. There's a chink in the armor!Copy !req
350. We're going to do it!Copy !req
351. If we just play it cool,
have a little patience,Copy !req
352. we'll have the minibike
by the end of the week!Copy !req
353. No, we won't.Copy !req
354. It's broken.Copy !req
355. What?Copy !req
356. I snuck it out
for a ride.Copy !req
357. And you know what?Copy !req
358. They are dangerous.Copy !req
359. You think Mom will notice?Copy !req
360. You moron! Do you have any idea
what you've done?Copy !req
361. We were so close!
We had her!Copy !req
362. That's what I figured.Copy !req
363. I wouldn't have taken it
otherwise.Copy !req
364. I'm not an idiot.Copy !req
365. I can't believe you would...Copy !req
366. How was it?Copy !req
367. It was awesome.Copy !req
368. I looked really cool doing it.Copy !req
369. I could see my reflection
in the car windowsCopy !req
370. right up until I hit
the mailbox.Copy !req
371. Sometimes you just
embarrass me.Copy !req
372. It's okay.
Mom doesn't have to find out.Copy !req
373. I'll be fine.Copy !req
374. My leg's really
starting to feel better.Copy !req
375. Let's see it.
Ow!Copy !req
376. Hi, Mom!
Hello.Copy !req
377. Look, boys,
I was thinking about it,Copy !req
378. and, uh, you're old enough
to deserve an explanation.Copy !req
379. I was...Copy !req
380. You don't always know
what's best for us!Copy !req
381. You don't know
that we would have gotten hurt!Copy !req
382. There's such a thing as trust!Copy !req
383. I really think we've earned it!Copy !req
384. Reese, I'm not saying
that I...
I don't haveCopy !req
385. to sit here and listen to this!Copy !req
386. Yes, you do.
Oh, right.Copy !req
387. Look, I'll tell you what.Copy !req
388. How about I take you to the
skateboard park tonight, huh?Copy !req
389. How does that sound?Copy !req
390. Actually, I'm
pretty tired.Copy !req
391. Me, too, and I think
I really want to get a jumpCopy !req
392. on next week's homework.Copy !req
393. What's going on?Copy !req
394. You guys are...Copy !req
395. Lois! Lois!Copy !req
396. Oh, for God's sake!Copy !req
397. What is it now?Copy !req
398. What's the matter, Craig?Copy !req
399. What does it say
on this jar?Copy !req
400. "Craig."Copy !req
401. Well, I'm glad someone
around here can read.Copy !req
402. These jars come
with 14 pickles in them.Copy !req
403. I had three yesterday,
two for lunch todayCopy !req
404. and one-and-a-half
for a snack,Copy !req
405. and now there are six-and-a-half
pickles in this jar!Copy !req
406. Simple math indicates...Copy !req
407. Are you counting the one
in your hand?Copy !req
408. Okay, false alarm.Copy !req
409. We burned his house down.
We burned his house down.Copy !req
410. Oh, th is the guy.Copy !req
411. This is Francis.Copy !req
412. What I want to know is,Copy !req
413. how did you get the cowCopy !req
414. onto the roof
of the gymnasiumCopy !req
415. in the first place?Copy !req
416. Ah, that was easy.Copy !req
417. The parachute was the problem.Copy !req
418. Did you know
those things don't openCopy !req
419. unless you're thousands of feet
in the air?Copy !req
420. You live, you learn.Copy !req
421. Did I ever tell you about that?Copy !req
422. No.Copy !req
423. Look at this: archery,
debating, field hockey...Copy !req
424. Look at all these
clubs and teams,Copy !req
425. and you're not
in any of them.Copy !req
426. There isn't even
a picture of you
in the yearbook.Copy !req
427. Look under Pete Zahut.Copy !req
428. I don't want to look
under Pete Zahut.Copy !req
429. No, no, no, if you say it
fast, it sounds like...Copy !req
430. I don't believe this.Copy !req
431. Francis... don't you
care about anything?Copy !req
432. What?Copy !req
433. In a school filled
with problem children,Copy !req
434. you're the worst one here.Copy !req
435. Wait, that's not true.Copy !req
436. I can think of
three other guysCopy !req
437. with longer records
than I have.Copy !req
438. We have worked
and we've worked,Copy !req
439. trying anything we can think of
to turn you around,Copy !req
440. but nothing seems
to get through to you.Copy !req
441. Come on, Dad.Copy !req
442. No. You don't give a damn
about anything but yourself!Copy !req
443. And, Francis, I don't like
saying these things,Copy !req
444. but what am I supposed to do?Copy !req
445. I-I feel like I have
to give up on my own son.Copy !req
446. Dad...Copy !req
447. You know, I can't even
look at you right now.Copy !req
448. I don't remember
if we're hating each otherCopy !req
449. or liking each other,
but either wayCopy !req
450. I appreciate this.Copy !req
451. Ah, it's been
two hours, Reese.Copy !req
452. The swelling
isn't going down.Copy !req
453. Look, you can see
his heartbeat.Copy !req
454. Oh, man. We really
need to get you
to the hospital.Copy !req
455. We can't! Mom will kill us
if she finds out about the bike.Copy !req
456. This isn't about the bike!Copy !req
457. We're screwed
for the next five yearsCopy !req
458. on anything we'd like to do.Copy !req
459. There's got to be some way
we can get you to the hospitalCopy !req
460. before she finds out.Copy !req
461. Then we could come up
with a cover story.Copy !req
462. Could you handle that?
Because I'm going to screamCopy !req
463. into my pillow
for the next five minutes.Copy !req
464. There's got to be some way
we can do this.Copy !req
465. Have you seen
Jellybean's sweater?Copy !req
466. I don't know why we have to go
all the way across town.Copy !req
467. Seems kind of silly.Copy !req
468. Craig, I promise,
it's the best ice cream in town.Copy !req
469. Yeah, well, I'll be
the judge of that.Copy !req
470. What was that?Copy !req
471. Ow!Copy !req
472. Ow, my leg!Copy !req
473. Ow. Ow.Copy !req
474. Ow! Ow! Ow!Copy !req
475. Ow!Copy !req
476. Oh, my God! What did
I do? What did I do?Copy !req
477. You ran over his leg!Copy !req
478. What happened?Copy !req
479. Oh, my God! Reese!Copy !req
480. Ow!Copy !req
481. Ow!Copy !req
482. Oh, for God's sakes, Jonathan,
pull yourself together.Copy !req
483. He'll be home
for your birthday.Copy !req
484. You got a problem?Copy !req
485. An untuckedCopy !req
486. shirttail, Cadet?Copy !req
487. Is that what we teach you here?Copy !req
488. To disgrace your uniform?Copy !req
489. I think not.Copy !req
490. Sir, his shirt
just came untuckedCopy !req
491. when he was hugging
his father.Copy !req
492. You can't
yell at himCopy !req
493. for hugging his father.Copy !req
494. Francis...
No.Copy !req
495. No, I'm glad you saw this.Copy !req
496. This is exactly
what I was talking about.Copy !req
497. Always undermining my authority.Copy !req
498. Day in, day out,
it's the same thing.Copy !req
499. Like when I had Cadet Dooley
run 600 laps of the perimeterCopy !req
500. for an inside-out
pillowcase violation,Copy !req
501. Francis organizes
a sit-in.Copy !req
502. Or when I cut off
the electricityCopy !req
503. to the fifth floor
for a contraband boom box,Copy !req
504. he hijacks a generatorCopy !req
505. for them.Copy !req
506. The boy lives to cause chaos.Copy !req
507. He was hugging his dad!Copy !req
508. In front of his own father,Copy !req
509. he still defies me
at every turn.Copy !req
510. And every time something
like that happens,Copy !req
511. he challenges you?Copy !req
512. Every time.Copy !req
513. Even when he knows
he'll get in trouble?Copy !req
514. That doesn't seem
to matter to him at all.Copy !req
515. I understand.Copy !req
516. I will deal with you later.Copy !req
517. Look, Dad,
I just want to...Copy !req
518. Shut up, son.Copy !req
519. Oh, come here.Copy !req
520. I can't believe
that plan actually worked.Copy !req
521. We came up with it
in, like, two seconds.Copy !req
522. Maybe we should do
more things half-assed.Copy !req
523. Hey, Reese,
how's your leg?Copy !req
524. Not bad.Copy !req
525. The pain goes away
when I black out.Copy !req
526. You guys want anything to drink?Copy !req
527. Sure.
Great.
All right.Copy !req
528. One more thing.Copy !req
529. Did you really think
I wouldn't noticeCopy !req
530. a busted up minibike
half-buried in the sandbox?Copy !req
531. Jellybean and I
are leaving now.Copy !req
532. Once again, I'm very sorry.Copy !req
533. I can't even look you people
in the eye.Copy !req
534. I think we'll call this one
a wash.Copy !req
535. I love you, Francis.Copy !req
536. Good-bye.Copy !req
537. Love you, too, Dad.Copy !req