1. Hal?Copy !req
2. Are you smoking again?Copy !req
3. No!Copy !req
4. I am cleaning.Copy !req
5. Do you smell smoke?
No, but I...Copy !req
6. No, Lois, if I wanted
to smoke a cigarCopy !req
7. I wouldn't be sneaking aroundCopy !req
8. like a scared little
schoolboy.Copy !req
9. I would do it
out in the open like a man.Copy !req
10. That was our third shop vac.Copy !req
11. That is our last shop vac.Copy !req
12. Francis, I don't want to hearCopy !req
13. another argument about it.Copy !req
14. You are going to fix
the roof.Copy !req
15. That is totally unfair!Copy !req
16. I come home
from school andCopy !req
17. you immediately
put me to work.Copy !req
18. Well, someone has to do it,Copy !req
19. and you know your father
is terrified of heights.Copy !req
20. He is not terrified!Copy !req
21. The last time
he changed a lightbulb,Copy !req
22. we had to talk him down
from the table.Copy !req
23. You are going to do this.Copy !req
24. Why don't you just put
a choke chain around my neckCopy !req
25. and make me sleep
in the garage?Copy !req
26. This is what we call
a "level four" rage.Copy !req
27. The only way not to get nailed
is to make no sudden movesCopy !req
28. and avoid eye contact
at all costs.Copy !req
29. And you...Copy !req
30. You think just because
you hide the note,Copy !req
31. the parent-teacher meeting
will just go away?Copy !req
32. Mom, Mr. Woodward
is totally out to get me.Copy !req
33. Every teacher
since kindergartenCopy !req
34. has been out to get you.Copy !req
35. I know. It upsets me, too.Copy !req
36. Why is the drain
still clogged?Copy !req
37. Uh, honey, there was
a, you know...Copy !req
38. I was only seconds away from...Copy !req
39. It's a funny thing,
see...Copy !req
40. Oh, what a mess!
Look at that!Copy !req
41. That is a milk ring
on the table.Copy !req
42. Reese is still searching
for academic truth.Copy !req
43. His...Copy !req
44. focus is diffuse.Copy !req
45. His initiative
is waning, and...Copy !req
46. it's preventing
his full potentiation.Copy !req
47. What?Copy !req
48. To put it simply,
Reese isn't self-actualized.Copy !req
49. Look, maybe I could
just give you a topicCopy !req
50. and you could tell
us "good" or "bad."Copy !req
51. That would help
us here.Copy !req
52. Reese is flunking
almost every subject,Copy !req
53. and I'm going to recommendCopy !req
54. that he be moved
into the remedial class.Copy !req
55. And that's
a euphemism for...Copy !req
56. The remedial class.Copy !req
57. No. No, no, no,
no, no, no, no.Copy !req
58. No, n that is
not an option.Copy !req
59. We'll get him
to buckle down.Copy !req
60. I hope it's that simple.Copy !req
61. Reese will get
back on track.Copy !req
62. We'll see to it
if it kills him.Copy !req
63. I'm glad to see
your level of commitment.Copy !req
64. I'm really happy we had
this chance to talk.Copy !req
65. So we can go now.Copy !req
66. I don't want to hear
any excuses.Copy !req
67. You will sit down every nightCopy !req
68. and work
until those grades are up.Copy !req
69. Why do I have to tutor him?Copy !req
70. BecauseCopy !req
71. God gave you a giant brain.Copy !req
72. Blame him.Copy !req
73. Reese screws up,
and I get punished for it?Copy !req
74. Where's the logic
in that?Copy !req
75. Malcolm, I have zero tolerance
on this one.Copy !req
76. Finally, Mom found
the courage to
speak her mind.Copy !req
77. Why aren't you fixing that roof?Copy !req
78. It's 40 degrees out there.
I'll freeze.Copy !req
79. And it's going to rain.Copy !req
80. That's why you have to fix
the roof.Copy !req
81. Well, maybe if you didn't buy
such crappy shingles,Copy !req
82. it wouldn't leak all the time.Copy !req
83. Francis, as long as you are
in this house,Copy !req
84. you will do as I say.Copy !req
85. You know what, Mom?Copy !req
86. No.Copy !req
87. I'm too old to be
bullied by you.Copy !req
88. Our whole lives,
you have done nothingCopy !req
89. but dictate what
you wanted.Copy !req
90. You're the boss
of the world,Copy !req
91. and we're all
sick of it.Copy !req
92. This may be your roof,
but we live here, too.Copy !req
93. We are human beingsCopy !req
94. with rights, and I'm hereby
putting an endCopy !req
95. to your reign of terror.Copy !req
96. You should have seen
the look on her face.Copy !req
97. It was totally
worth it.Copy !req
98. Sounds like
you-you've had it rough.Copy !req
99. Oh, man, you have no idea.Copy !req
100. Thanks.Copy !req
101. I've got a place
near the bus station.Copy !req
102. It's warm and fairly dry.Copy !req
103. You can stay there
for a while.Copy !req
104. If-if you want to.Copy !req
105. You'd do that for me?Copy !req
106. It's a tough world.Copy !req
107. We've got to look out
for each other.Copy !req
108. Thanks.Copy !req
109. Richie!
Dude!Copy !req
110. I heard your mom kicked you out.Copy !req
111. You want to stay at my place?Copy !req
112. You are a lifesaver!Copy !req
113. Could you give me a lift to...Copy !req
114. Sorry, man. We're
going the other way.Copy !req
115. Hi.Copy !req
116. Why aren't you flying?Copy !req
117. My name is Dewey.Copy !req
118. Good to meet you, Tony.Copy !req
119. Want to play?Copy !req
120. Okay, but I get to be
the red team.Copy !req
121. Look, I don't like this
any better than you do.Copy !req
122. Let's just get
it over with.Copy !req
123. Dude, this book's
totally wrecked.Copy !req
124. What did you
do to it?Copy !req
125. I threw it at a duck.Copy !req
126. Well, where's
your math book?Copy !req
127. Which half?Copy !req
128. We'll just start
with geography, then.Copy !req
129. I don't take geography!Copy !req
130. Yes, you do.Copy !req
131. You got a grade in it.Copy !req
132. Oh, that can't be good.Copy !req
133. Mi casa es su casa.Copy !req
134. This may be
my parents' house,Copy !req
135. but, dude...Copy !req
136. down here,
anything goes.Copy !req
137. Oh! What is that smell?Copy !req
138. It could be
the laundry.Copy !req
139. It could be
the mildew.Copy !req
140. It could be
that rat I shot.Copy !req
141. I think I wounded it.Copy !req
142. It probably crawled
into a hole in the wallCopy !req
143. to die or something.Copy !req
144. What's this?Copy !req
145. It's your bed.
You got to blow it up.Copy !req
146. Welcome to Chez Richie.Copy !req
147. Rule number one:
there are no rules.Copy !req
148. Rule number two:
no shoes on the sofa.Copy !req
149. It is so real.Copy !req
150. Come on. What's the answer?Copy !req
151. You can do this.Copy !req
152. We've gone over this
a thousand times.Copy !req
153. You have to carry the tenths.Copy !req
154. Tenths have to go someplace.Copy !req
155. Tenths don't just float around.Copy !req
156. Get smarter already!Copy !req
157. Think. Make your brain work.Copy !req
158. I could be outside doing
anything other than this.Copy !req
159. But, no. I'm stuck in here
babysitting this...Copy !req
160. 4.2.Copy !req
161. That's right.Copy !req
162. I mean...Copy !req
163. I actually understand this.Copy !req
164. The tenths have to go someplace.Copy !req
165. Great. Let's move on
to the next one.Copy !req
166. Hal! Come down from there!Copy !req
167. Hi, honey.Copy !req
168. What do you think
you're doing?Copy !req
169. Oh, just... fixing
the shingles.Copy !req
170. Francis has responsibilities.Copy !req
171. You can't keep covering for him.Copy !req
172. This is not about him.Copy !req
173. It's about me.Copy !req
174. I just wanted to get
some fresh air and...Copy !req
175. the view from up here is...Copy !req
176. is incredible.Copy !req
177. Did you ever think
that I might be
enjoying myself?Copy !req
178. I spent two days on it.Copy !req
179. There was even a paragraph
that I thought really suckedCopy !req
180. so I went back and rewrote it.Copy !req
181. Malcolm, I'd never
done that before,Copy !req
182. but last night...
I mean, look at me.Copy !req
183. I'm going on and on
while you're sitting
here trying to read.Copy !req
184. How's the grammar?Copy !req
185. Never mind.Copy !req
186. Reese...Copy !req
187. This is C-minus work.Copy !req
188. All right!
Nice job!Copy !req
189. You're not just saying that?Copy !req
190. No. This is seriously the best
work I've ever seen you do.Copy !req
191. Yes! That's great!Copy !req
192. I couldn't have done it
without you!Copy !req
193. Thanks, Malcolm.Copy !req
194. Ew!Copy !req
195. I kicked your ass!Copy !req
196. You got another "F"!Copy !req
197. Mom, I read that paper.Copy !req
198. It's not an "F"!
Then what is this?Copy !req
199. We've been studying
four hours a night.Copy !req
200. Well, guess what.
It's not enough.Copy !req
201. You're going to study
eight hours a nightCopy !req
202. if that's what it takes
to get your grades up,Copy !req
203. and that's what
you're going to do.
But, Mom...Copy !req
204. I don't see a mother here.Copy !req
205. All I see is a warden
with two prisonersCopy !req
206. who are out of their cell.Copy !req
207. Now get back in there!Copy !req
208. Oh, oh, oh!Copy !req
209. Not like this.Copy !req
210. I'm okay! I'm okay!Copy !req
211. Okay, you know what?Copy !req
212. It's freezing, but
I don't need heatCopy !req
213. 'cause I got
justice on my side.Copy !req
214. Mom will cave.Copy !req
215. She'll cave.Copy !req
216. It's going to
be so sweet.Copy !req
217. Could you do that in
the bathroom, Richie?Copy !req
218. Dude, no one's going in there
for at least six hours.Copy !req
219. Well, then, could you do it
over a wastebasket or something?Copy !req
220. And can we cool it
on the porno for,
like, five minutes?Copy !req
221. Yeah. When this is over,
I'll just pop inCopy !req
222. Sluts of the Big Ten.Copy !req
223. No. No more porn.Copy !req
224. Dude...Copy !req
225. that's a documentary.Copy !req
226. Ow!Copy !req
227. God, my eye!Copy !req
228. Hey, try to find
that toenail, Francis.Copy !req
229. It is so creepy
to step on those things.Copy !req
230. Ow!Copy !req
231. Come on, Reese, the
test is in two hours!Copy !req
232. This is too much, Malcolm.Copy !req
233. I'll never pass this thing.Copy !req
234. There's 30 true-false
questions and five essays.Copy !req
235. It's impossible.Copy !req
236. So, Reese,
today's the big test?Copy !req
237. What do you have to get
on this thingCopy !req
238. to say out of remedial class?Copy !req
239. A "B."Copy !req
240. No, guys, he's serious.Copy !req
241. But you're... an idiot.Copy !req
242. You're right.Copy !req
243. Yeah. The only way
this idiot's going
to pass the testCopy !req
244. is if somebody else
takes it for the idiot.Copy !req
245. Right, idiot?Copy !req
246. Stevie set the precedent!Copy !req
247. You had a chance
for rebuttal,Copy !req
248. but since you
didn't answerCopy !req
249. you waived your right!Copy !req
250. Therefore, it's an
agreed-upon term!Copy !req
251. What am I going to do?Copy !req
252. I can't get put in
the remedial class.Copy !req
253. They walk to
the cafeteriaCopy !req
254. holding each other's belts.Copy !req
255. Unless...Copy !req
256. maybe Lloyd's right.Copy !req
257. Maybe someone should
take the test for you.Copy !req
258. You mean cheat?Copy !req
259. We can't cheat.Copy !req
260. Mom will kill us.Copy !req
261. And it's wrong.Copy !req
262. But more importantly,
Mom would kill us!Copy !req
263. Hey, we're out
of options here, Reese.Copy !req
264. You're going to get caught.
No, we're not.Copy !req
265. And you know why?Copy !req
266. Because we have four
brilliant minds hereCopy !req
267. to help plan this out.Copy !req
268. You had to appeal to my vanity,
didn't you?Copy !req
269. I'm in.Copy !req
270. I'm sorry,
but I am honor-boundCopy !req
271. to report this conversation
to the vice-principal.Copy !req
272. Then we're
honor-bound to reportCopy !req
273. you still sleep
with an Elmo blankie.Copy !req
274. Okay, I'm in.Copy !req
275. We, uh...
here's the VCR you ordered.Copy !req
276. I didn't order a VCR.Copy !req
277. Yes, you did!Copy !req
278. Feel free to call and verify.Copy !req
279. I know the extension number.Copy !req
280. There's someone there right now.Copy !req
281. That won't be...Copy !req
282. Or you can take a lookCopy !req
283. at this A/V
equipment schedule.Copy !req
284. Your name and class hour's
right here on page sevenCopy !req
285. in nonstudent handwriting.Copy !req
286. All right.Copy !req
287. Go ahead and leave it.Copy !req
288. Okay.Copy !req
289. No, no, you said
you didn't order a cartCopy !req
290. so you're not going to get one.Copy !req
291. We'll just be leaving and
pushing this out the door.Copy !req
292. Ah, here it is!Copy !req
293. Hey, watch out!Copy !req
294. Be... the cannonball.Copy !req
295. Are you all right?Copy !req
296. Way to go... hot rod!Copy !req
297. Okay, well, there's the rat.Copy !req
298. No, Tony, that's not fair.Copy !req
299. Today it's my cartoons
before schoolCopy !req
300. and your cartoons after school.Copy !req
301. Fine, Tony, be that way.Copy !req
302. I don't want to be
your friend anyway.Copy !req
303. Tony!Copy !req
304. I can't stay mad at you either.Copy !req
305. Hey...Copy !req
306. Did you get that
history test back yet?Copy !req
307. Not yet.
No, haven't seen it.Copy !req
308. You both better
pray for a "B."Copy !req
309. Hey, did Francis call
you at work yet?Copy !req
310. No. No, I haven't talked to him
since he...Copy !req
311. He thinks he's making
some kind of pointCopy !req
312. by cutting off all contact.Copy !req
313. You know, he should know.Copy !req
314. Till he's ready
to apologize,Copy !req
315. there's really no
reason to call.Copy !req
316. I can't wait to see
the look on his faceCopy !req
317. when he realizes that
we have figured him out.Copy !req
318. Ah! What have we
to figure out, dear?Copy !req
319. That I'm in it
for the long haul.Copy !req
320. He should knowCopy !req
321. I am prepared
to go the distance!Copy !req
322. You know, I think he likes
tomatoes on his sandwich.Copy !req
323. Other bag, Hal.Copy !req
324. Ah, right. Bye.Copy !req
325. Bye.Copy !req
326. A masterful "B,"Copy !req
327. Malcolm.Copy !req
328. I could never dumb
myself down like this.Copy !req
329. I find this "F"Copy !req
330. very troubling.Copy !req
331. Something... stinks.Copy !req
332. He knows we cheated!Copy !req
333. We're going to have
to start cutting separate deals.Copy !req
334. He doesn't know anything,
Dabney.Copy !req
335. I'm gonna go talk to him.Copy !req
336. Mr. Woodward?Copy !req
337. I'm Malcolm,
I'm Reese's brother.Copy !req
338. Oh, hi, how are you?Copy !req
339. Well, Reese is upset.Copy !req
340. He thinks he did
better than an "F"Copy !req
341. on his history test.Copy !req
342. I read it over,
and I sort of thought...Copy !req
343. it wasn't half bad.Copy !req
344. Do you think
there's any wayCopy !req
345. you can maybe
take another look?Copy !req
346. Malcolm, you should be
commended for your fraternity,Copy !req
347. but, uh, the test
deserved an "F."Copy !req
348. Mr. Woodward, maybe if you
just looked at it again...Copy !req
349. I can't spend a disproportionate
amount of time on Reese.Copy !req
350. It's not fair
to the other students.Copy !req
351. But he didn't deserve
an "F" on this.Copy !req
352. Look, Malcolm, I-I've been
a teacher for a long timeCopy !req
353. and, uh, I think I know
what Reese is capable of.Copy !req
354. I really don't think
you do, because...Copy !req
355. Look, you may not want
to hear this about your brother,Copy !req
356. but I've known kids like Reese
my whole life.Copy !req
357. They're the onesCopy !req
358. who throw water at youCopy !req
359. so it looks like
you wet your pants.Copy !req
360. They aim for your legsCopy !req
361. in dodgeball,Copy !req
362. and you fall down
and you break your jawCopy !req
363. and you need to have
your mouth wired shutCopy !req
364. and your teeth
don't set properly.Copy !req
365. And you spend six years
in orthodontiaCopy !req
366. with the most painfully
embarrassing headgearCopy !req
367. ever designed,Copy !req
368. which is only because they
don't feel fully actualized.Copy !req
369. That guy's totally
out to get you.Copy !req
370. Man! I was just using that
as an excuse.Copy !req
371. He is so dead
when Mom finds out!Copy !req
372. Reese, we can't bust him.Copy !req
373. If we rat him out,
then Mom will knowCopy !req
374. we cheated.Copy !req
375. We're doomed.Copy !req
376. Two is after one.Copy !req
377. Three is after two.Copy !req
378. Four is after three.Copy !req
379. Something is after somethingCopy !req
380. and then we get
to ten!Copy !req
381. I was afraid you weren't going
to get my message at work.Copy !req
382. What happened
to your eye...?Copy !req
383. Hey, how do you guys want
your burgers?Copy !req
384. Just a sec, man.Copy !req
385. All right, so
I got it all worked out.Copy !req
386. You tell Mom that you need me
to repair the lawnmower,Copy !req
387. and then I hang out
and I just...Copy !req
388. No, no, I-I'm just not going
to do that, Francis.Copy !req
389. Hey, you
guys betterCopy !req
390. figure it out quick.Copy !req
391. This cheap-ass trash can's
melting.Copy !req
392. Well, maybe you could
talk to her then?Copy !req
393. Just calm her down
so that I could come
home, maybe today even?Copy !req
394. Francis, you've got to stop
putting me in the middle!Copy !req
395. What, you're just going to let
her win this round, too?Copy !req
396. Francis, there is
nothing that I can do.Copy !req
397. You know what
the problem is here?Copy !req
398. You and your mother
are exactly alike!Copy !req
399. That's a lie!Copy !req
400. That is true!Copy !req
401. You're both stubborn
and unwilling to bend.Copy !req
402. So, fine, you win!Copy !req
403. Congratulations!Copy !req
404. This is your prize!Copy !req
405. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go.Copy !req
406. It smells like something died
in here.Copy !req
407. Your father's right, man.Copy !req
408. Sometimes you can be
so stupid.Copy !req
409. Uh-oh.Copy !req
410. I'm sorry.Copy !req
411. No one wanted it to
turn out this way.Copy !req
412. I feel like
I let Reese down.Copy !req
413. Just keep moving, Tony.Copy !req
414. So where does
this leave us?Copy !req
415. I think it's best if we make
the switch as soon as possible.Copy !req
416. We need to look at thisCopy !req
417. as an opportunity.Copy !req
418. Big opportunity,
being in the dumb class.Copy !req
419. Reese, this isn't
what I wanted,Copy !req
420. but you haven't
left us any choice.Copy !req
421. Mom, don't do this.Copy !req
422. It's not
Reese's fault.Copy !req
423. He didn't deserve an "F"
on that test.Copy !req
424. Malcolm, we've already
had this discussion.Copy !req
425. I saw the test,
he did a good job.Copy !req
426. He deserved a "B."Copy !req
427. This guy is totally
out to get him.Copy !req
428. Malcolm...Copy !req
429. Look, I'm sorry
you feel that way,Copy !req
430. but you can't blame me
for Reese's shortcomings.Copy !req
431. Mom, this is the test.Copy !req
432. Take a look
at this question.Copy !req
433. "What was the cause
of the Great Depression?"Copy !req
434. He put down "Black Thursday."Copy !req
435. That's a correct answer.Copy !req
436. No, that's only
a partial answer.Copy !req
437. To get full credit
he should have includedCopy !req
438. the vast overproduction
in the U.S.,Copy !req
439. protectionism
in the foreign markets...Copy !req
440. Overexpansion
of creditCopy !req
441. and stock market
speculation?Copy !req
442. Yes. That would
have beenCopy !req
443. a complete answer.Copy !req
444. Ha! You didn't read
the answerCopy !req
445. because that's exactly
what I wrote.Copy !req
446. "I" wrote?Copy !req
447. The royal "I,"
as in Reese.Copy !req
448. Because I think
we can all identifyCopy !req
449. with what he's going through.Copy !req
450. You took that test,
didn't you?Copy !req
451. You cheated...Copy !req
452. You let him cheat for you?Copy !req
453. You gave something
he wrote an "F"?Copy !req
454. You a out to get him.Copy !req
455. Oh, I can't wait to see you
expelled or disbarredCopy !req
456. or whatever it is they doCopy !req
457. to creepy little men
who abuse their power.Copy !req
458. There is no need
for name-calling.Copy !req
459. I suggest we just leave
things as they are...Copy !req
460. Oh, I don't think so.Copy !req
461. Here's the situation:Copy !req
462. if you notify the school,Copy !req
463. then the school will find out
Malcolm cheated.Copy !req
464. He'll be expelled.Copy !req
465. Don't you threaten me.Copy !req
466. This isn't a threat.Copy !req
467. I just don't think
you'd throw awayCopy !req
468. the son who achieves for...Copy !req
469. well, Reese.Copy !req
470. You don't think I'd
sacrifice this one?Copy !req
471. Let me explain
something to you.Copy !req
472. I would sell Malcolm
down the riverCopy !req
473. in a heartbeat
to save Reese.Copy !req
474. What?
Malcolm's
gonna be fineCopy !req
475. no matter what happens.Copy !req
476. Maybe he'll have to goCopy !req
477. to junior college or
start off blue collar,Copy !req
478. but he'll work his way up
to management eventually.Copy !req
479. Reese is the one
who needs saving.Copy !req
480. I don't believe you.Copy !req
481. No mother could ever be
that callous to her own son.Copy !req
482. Mom, please let me come home!Copy !req
483. I'm cold and I'm hungry!Copy !req
484. Please,
I'll fix the roof!Copy !req
485. I'll paint the house,
I'll do anything, Mom!Copy !req
486. Please, just let me live
indoors, Mom!Copy !req
487. Please, I want to be warm again!Copy !req
488. Mom, please!Copy !req
489. Maybe we can work something out.Copy !req
490. There you go, Tony.Copy !req
491. Night-night.Copy !req
492. Oh, my God, look at
the size of that thing.Copy !req
493. Dewey, what in the...?Copy !req
494. Run, Tony, Run!Copy !req
495. Why are they always named Tony?Copy !req
496. Bye, Tony.Copy !req
497. I love you.Copy !req
498. Yeah, it's cold, filthy
and dangerous,Copy !req
499. but I say we got off easy.Copy !req
500. If we all pitch in,
we should be done in a week.Copy !req
501. Hey, hurry up.Copy !req
502. I'm trying.Copy !req
503. I've got tar in my eyes.Copy !req