1. There's a head of rotten lettuce in the fridge.
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2. Not strong enough.
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3. Why don't you dig out whatever
it was that died under the furnace?
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4. Still not strong enough!
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5. What about the old boot
that opossum gave birth in?
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6. It's out in the garage.
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7. Perfect!
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8. All yours.
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9. Malcolm in the Middle - 6.15 - Chad's Sleepover
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10. Synchronisation par Mark & Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.
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11. I'm sorry I'm late.
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12. My alarm clock didn't go off and then there
was an accident and and road workers and...
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13. Where is everybody?
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14. Well, it's Ditch Day.
None of the students came in.
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15. No one told me there was a ditch day.
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16. Well, I'm surprised you didn't hear.
I mean, everyone was telling their friends.
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17. Oh...
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18. All right, Charisse, the professor of
boozology has some homework for you.
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19. What's he doing here?
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20. No one told him.
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21. Oh, my God.
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22. - You could probably use a little...
- Val, stop that.
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23. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
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24. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
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25. What?
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26. You are going to die!
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27. What is it?
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28. I know I always say that gossip rots your soul,
but it doesn't count when it's this good.
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29. Last night, I covered for Bernice
so she could leave early,
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30. and when she got home, she found Charlie standing
in their living room wearing her red cocktail dress!
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31. The one from the Christmas
party with all the feathers!
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32. Good God!
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33. He admitted it's been going on for years.
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34. He said it started one day when he accidentally
used lipstick instead of Chap Stick.
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35. The next thing you knew, he was
wearing a teddy under his police uniform.
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36. Man is a complicated beast.
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37. Can you imagine keeping something
like that from your spouse?
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38. So glad we don't have any secrets.
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39. What is it?
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40. Oh, honey, there's something
I should confess to you.
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41. What?
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42. I...
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43. I spent more than $50 on your last birthday present.
I know we agreed not to, but I just love you so much.
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44. Well, I'm glad you told me.
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45. It felt good to come clean.
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46. Dad, can I have a sleepover tomorrow?
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47. Somebody wants to sleep over? Here?
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48. That's fantastic!
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49. Who?
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50. Chad from my class.
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51. Oh, geez, Dewey, I don't think
that's a good idea. That kid is really...
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52. He's fine.
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53. He's just a little strange.
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54. Nothing to be scared of.
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55. Well, it's not anything to
be taken lightly, either.
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56. That boy has a lot of serious issues.
I don't think you know what you're getting into.
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57. Yes, I do.
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58. I also know people treat him
like a freak for no reason.
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59. Even his parents have given up on him.
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60. They're just looking for an excuse
to have him institutionalized.
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61. This is supposed to be convincing me?
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62. Dad, I want to prove that he can do normal
stuff like a normal kid and have a normal life.
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63. No means no, Dewey.
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64. No doesn't always mean no.
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65. This isn't "PG-movie" no,
this is "speargun" no.
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66. Dad, listen.
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67. I never ask for anything,
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68. but I'm asking you to do this for me.
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69. It's important.
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70. I'm sorry, Dewey, but I know a little
bit more about this than you do.
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71. And you ask for things all the time.
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72. So where'd you go today?
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73. Oh, man, it was fantastic.
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74. Went down o the pet store,
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75. fed a bunch of the pets to the other pets,
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76. ended up at the supermarket, where I squeezed all the
Wonder Bread into balls till the manager threw me out.
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77. I left a little present in his convertible.
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78. Well, it was somebody's convertible.
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79. You couldn't have bothered
to tell me about Ditch Day?
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80. There was a ditch day?
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81. Yeah, today.
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82. No one told me.
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83. Why didn't they tell me?
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84. Because no one likes us, Reese.
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85. No one.
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86. Everybody else was told about it.
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87. Even that slow kid who ate
cat litter for a dollar.
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88. Ducky?
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89. How did Ducky get so popular?
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90. It's not that he's popular,
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91. it's that we're unpopular.
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92. Oh, my God.
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93. I'm as unpopular as you.
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94. Guess who's getting a treat?
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95. That's right, it's you, Mr. Boy.
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96. In this house, whenever anybody is good for three whole days
in a row, they get one of Mama's extra special fruit smoothies.
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97. I have never made one before.
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98. Oh, this is outrageous!
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99. What's the matter?
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100. The blender is broken. There's no excuse for this!
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101. Honey, we have had it since before Dewey was born.
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102. I don't care. They said a lifetime guarantee.
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103. A lifetime is not ten or eleven years.
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104. Hal, if they want to say a ten or
eleven-year guarantee, that's fine.
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105. I'll make my blender-buying decisions
accordingly, but they said "lifetime."
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106. I'm getting my money back or a
blender of equal or greater value.
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107. How are you going to find the
warranty from ten years ago?
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108. I'm sure it's with the rest
of the papers in the garage.
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109. Honey, you'll never find it out there.
What did this cost, $19?
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110. That's what they want you to say!
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111. That's why they don't charge more!
That's how they get you!
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112. You expecting somebody?
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113. Uh, yeah, it's Chad. He's sleeping over tonight.
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114. Dewey's having a sleepover?
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115. Yeah, we didn't have any plans.
I thought it would be nice.
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116. Dewey, your friend's here!
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117. Hold on.
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118. I told you no, and you went behind my back and
tricked your mother into letting you have this sleepover?
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119. I just told her it'd be a nice thing to do for a
kid who doesn't have many nice things in his life.
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120. If you call that a trick, then yeah.
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121. You don't have to freak out.
I know how to handle Chad.
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122. You can't believe everything you
read in the special needs bulletin.
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123. They only say that stuff to get extra funding.
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124. That is not the point!
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125. Dewey, I made myself very clear. I told you no,
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126. and you snuck around my back to you
mother as if nothing I said had any impact...
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127. Hello, there!
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128. You must be Chad's parents.
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129. - Yes. I'm Lloyd.
- Lloyd.
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130. - And this is Evelyn.
- Evelyn.
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131. And this...
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132. - God, where did he go?
- I watched him from the car to the door.
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133. Do I have to do everything?
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134. Excuse me.
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135. Thank you for inviting me.
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136. Hi, Chad.
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137. Hey, Dewey.
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138. We want to thank you for doing this.
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139. I think it's wonderful the boys are getting together.
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140. Big books go on the bottom shelf.
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141. What did we tell you about
touching their things?
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142. Are you trying to prove that
you can't go out in public?
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143. This is your last chance,
do you understand me, buddy?
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144. - This is your last chance!
- Lloyd, do something!
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145. You do something! The gene was on your egg.
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146. Oh, yeah, it's completely my fault.
Now can we go to dinner?
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147. At bedtime,
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148. these straps are for his arms,
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149. and these are for his legs.
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150. If you wind up needing to use the harness, make sure he doesn't
take a big breath in when you're fastening the buckles,
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151. otherwise, he can wriggle out
and the whole thing is useless.
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152. Completely useless.
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153. Say good-bye to your parents, Chad.
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154. Good-bye.
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155. Here's a list of emergency numbers.
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156. Don't try 911.
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157. They're not qualified.
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158. Maybe they meant to tell us.
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159. They just forgot.
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160. They didn't forget.
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161. How could the whole school snub us like this?
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162. Don't they realize how much this hurts?
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163. They don't care.
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164. There are people in this world
that are just plain evil.
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165. And every single person at that
school is one of those people.
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166. No,
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167. we can't do this.
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168. We can't keep blaming everybody else
whenever something like this happens.
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169. It can't be an accident that you
and I alienate so many people.
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170. We're never going to make our lives better
if we keep pretending they are the problem.
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171. Then what do we do?
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172. Well,
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173. I mean, if we really want to figure this out,
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174. maybe we need to look at ourselves honestly.
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175. You're right.
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176. What's wrong with us?
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177. Well, some parts are easy.
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178. - I mean, you're a ruthlessly brutal thug.
- I have my moods.
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179. And look how it was my first
impulse to criticize you.
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180. It just shows what a pompous ass I am.
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181. I do seem to cause a lot of needless suffering.
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182. I usually assume that people are my enemy.
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183. I have this need to show off.
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184. It's not enough that I know more than everyone.
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185. I have to make sure they know I know more.
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186. Why do I do that?
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187. Don't ask me. I know less than everyone.
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188. When I walk into a room, it seems like everybody's
talking about things that I could never understand.
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189. And when they laugh, I'm always
sure that they're laughing at me.
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190. Maybe we're both afraid.
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191. We're afraid people won't like us.
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192. That's why I show off how smart
I am and that's why you hit people.
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193. We're scared of being rejected,
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194. so we act in a way that pushes people away.
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195. Oh, man.
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196. It's the thing that we hate the most, and
yet we keep making it happen again and again.
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197. We're so stupid and pathetic.
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198. Or they're jealous!
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199. Yeah, totally jealous.
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200. I mean, they see us, and they don't
want to face that they're all jealous,
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201. so they make us act all angry and superior!
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202. They're in denial.
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203. I am really glad we did this.
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204. Rough can't go next to smooth.
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205. This is exactly what I talked about, Dewey.
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206. He's gone through practically
everything in the house.
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207. He taped my ties to my shirts.
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208. So the house gets straightened up.
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209. - Wouldn't that be horrible?
- Don't you trivialize this.
You're in enough trouble already.
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210. I'm telling you, once he settles down,
this is going to be a perfectly normal sleepover.
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211. - We're going to play a board game, we're going
to watch a video, we're going to have pizza...
- No pizza. I'm already defrosting hamburgers.
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212. But I promised Chad pizza. He really likes pizza.
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213. No pizza, Dewey. You are on thin ice as it is.
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214. From now on, you are going to do
exactly as I say. Is that understood?
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215. Yes, Dad, I got it.
Now can I go play with my friend?
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216. Where'd he go?
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217. You'll see a lot of this in life, Jamie. The big blender
company's don't think we're smart enough to save warranties.
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218. They think we run around barefoot all day picking bugs
off ourselves. Well, they are in for a big surprise.
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219. They design their products specifically to break
down three days after the warranties get lost.
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220. It's called "planned obsolescence,"
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221. like that deathtrap of a highchair
you keep falling over in.
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222. I'm their worst nightmare, Jamie;
a woman who saves everything.
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223. And I'm going to go through every shred of it.
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224. What's that, Mr. Big-Blender-Company man?
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225. You say I'm going to need paperwork?
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226. Oh, gee,
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227. I don't know if I have it. Oh, wait, I do.
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228. Dewey, I told you to keep Chad away from my desk.
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229. I just heard a whole bunch of kids from our school are going
to stay overnight at that old abandoned house on Spires Road.
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230. No one told me.
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231. Big shock.
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232. I say we go there tonight and
scare the crap out of them.
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233. - We're going to scare them for being jealous of us?
- No, we're going to scare them for being jerks.
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234. All right, yeah. Let's do it.
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235. They think they can be jerks to us?
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236. We'll show them what jerks are.
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237. - Hi. I got a half cheese, half pepperoni.
- What?
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238. - That little...
- Listen, I'm kind of in a hurry. It's $12.
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239. - Just hold on a second.
- Dewey!
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240. You get your butt in here right now, Mister!
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241. Dad, what is wrong with you? You can't go
screaming in the house when Chad's here.
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242. I am the parent in this house, and you do what I say!
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243. Now when I tell you there is no pizza in this house,
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244. there's no pizza! That is the law!
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245. Dad... Don't you "Dad" me. You already
"Dad-ed" me good with this sleepover.
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246. You know what?
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247. Sometimes if you're just being bigoted and
unreasonable, maybe I don't have to listen to you.
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248. You better listen to me.
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249. - I am your father and you will respect...
- Hey, you know what? This was supposed to go to 12336.
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250. I bet you feel like a jackass.
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251. I have something to tell you.
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252. Hal, it will have to wait.
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253. I wasted a half an hour getting Jamie to sleep.
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254. He kept crying because I wouldn't let him
have the antifreeze bottle in bed with him.
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255. Lois, this is important.
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256. I was trying to spare you the embarrassment,
but you should probably know.
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257. Dewey actually asked me first about the sleepover.
And he went to you when I said no.
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258. Oh, sorry.
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259. What do you mean, "sorry"?
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260. Maybe you don't understand.
He went around my back to get to you.
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261. And this is a big upset for you?
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262. For God's sake, Hal, they go behind
my back to get to you all the time.
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263. That is very different. You are the hard ass.
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264. I'm the nice, fair one. Dewey knows that.
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265. Why would he betray me?
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266. Hal, I cannot get worked up about this right now.
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267. I have to find that warranty
or the blender company wins.
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268. Is that what you want, Hal?
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269. Are you on their side?
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270. Fine. I'll help you.
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271. No, Hal. I have a system.
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272. Anyway, it seems to be going fine.
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273. I haven't heard a peep out of them in hours.
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274. Hey, Chad, I can teach you to play
Chinese checkers if you want.
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275. Chad!
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276. White on white...
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277. Blue on blue...
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278. And yellow on yellow.
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279. Chad, don't do this.
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280. If someone catches you you'll be in big trouble...
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281. Dewey.
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282. Just a minute.
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283. Hello.
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284. Oh, hello, Lloyd.
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285. No, everything's going fine with Chad.
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286. Well, you can bring it if you think he needs it.
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287. We are going to scare the crap out of them.
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288. You know what?
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289. I don't feel sorry for them. They've got it coming.
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290. They deserve every stained pair of
underwear they're about to get.
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291. Hey, is my eye socket oozing enough?
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292. It's perfect.
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293. Okay, on the count of three we bust through the door. If one of them
has a heart attack, you resuscitate them and I'll scare them again.
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294. Ready?
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295. One... two... three.
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296. What are you guys doing?
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297. - Um...
- Um...
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298. - Uh...
- Um...
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299. Nothing.
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300. You guys trying to scare us?
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301. What, are you 12?
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302. We weren't trying to scare you.
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303. Of course not.
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304. That's the opposite of what we were trying to do.
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305. We're meeting girls here.
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306. Then why are you dressed like that?
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307. Because...
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308. Um...
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309. Uh...
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310. Why don't you like us?
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311. I got to say, they had some pretty solid reasons.
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312. Come on, Chad.
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313. You have to find some way to snap out of this.
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314. Look, I went to bat for you.
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315. I've been protecting you all day,
but this is something I can't cover up.
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316. And if your parents find out,
they're going to put you away.
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317. Are you listening?
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318. Yes.
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319. Green goes with green, goes with green, goes with green,
goes with green, goes with green, goes with green...
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320. Hello, Hal.
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321. Evelyn, Lloyd, come on in.
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322. So, we were halfway through our first dinner alone in a decade, when
someone had to remind me that I didn't give Chad his good night pill.
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323. Oh.
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324. Okay, well, I'll just, uh, go get him.
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325. This in no way justifies what you said before.
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326. Chad, I want to show you a little
project I've been working on.
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327. Look at this.
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328. You see where I took my pen and I filled
in the letters that needed to be filled in.
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329. The "O's," the "A's," the "E's," the "G's."
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330. The "Q's," the "P's," the "D's" and the "B's"?
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331. Of course.
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332. That was you?
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333. - What about the nines?
- Yes.
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334. What about the circles and the percent signs?
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335. Absolutely. Otherwise you'll be left with
that horrible feeling of uncompleteness.
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336. Here they are,
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337. sleepover buddies.
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338. Has he been okay?
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339. Oh, he's been fine.
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340. And I think people prejudge Chad sometimes.
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341. He's a good kid.
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342. Open.
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343. I'm sorry, Dad.
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344. I thought you were just being...
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345. I mean, I had no idea you were...
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346. So how crazy are you?
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347. Let's just say that's my third set of encyclopedias.
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348. If we leave right now, we can still catch the movie.
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349. What's this?
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350. The warranty?
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351. Hey, good for you, Chad.
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352. Well, I give up. I'm throwing out that blender.
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353. You don't have to. Look what Chad did.
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354. Pictures of things belong on
the things they're pictures of.
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355. Check... and mate.
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356. Dewey, what is it?
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357. Hal?
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358. Honey... I'm sorry.
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359. You were lying there asleep and
you just looked so beautiful.
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360. And the moment was perfect and I never wanted it to end.
And then I saw the camera, and...
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361. And... I'm weak, Lois.
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362. I'm a little man.
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363. I know that I can never apologize enough and...
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364. I'm sure right now you don't
even want to look at me.
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365. Hal.
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366. Everyone's going to hear about this.
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367. We suck.
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368. We totally suck.
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369. I hate myself so much.
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370. What is wrong with us?
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371. Everyone else our age heard it "empty
house," and we heard "haunted house."
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372. Are we just socially stunted in
some way that makes us hopeless?
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373. I think half of them were really scared.
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374. Yeah.
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