When Lois buys a brand-new king-sized bed, Hal thinks that her motive is to put more distance between them and refuses to sleep in it. Moved to tears by an opera he sees on television, Dewey is inspired to write his own operatic masterpiece, "The Marriage Bed," which is based on his parents' fight and turned into a school production. Meanwhile, Malcolm and Reese build their own street luge board; and Jamie falls head over heels for the baby girl across the street.
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161. This stroke is the worst case of
emotional blackmail, she's ever seen!
162. And...
163. I've seen plenty!
164. Call 911!
165. Tell them a blood vessel just burst in my brain,
Just halfway between my neck and my nose.
166. That's only if you care! If not, feel free
To sit by while I die, and watch Leno!
167. Blackmail!
168. Stroke!
169. Blackmail!
170. Stroke!
171. What a big baby!
172. What a giant stroke!
173. I'm not stopping till I take that guy down.
174. How much skin is left on your chest?
175. Enough.
176. You wanted...
177. to see me.
178. Stevie, brace yourself.
179. I'm going to tell you a really big secret about something so huge that every
bone in your body is going to want to tell, but you have to promise not to.
180. This is an actual street luge.
181. Like from your magazine.
182. Heaven... forfend.
183. I need you to help me with some calculations of wheel
friction and frame stiffness to get this thing perfect.
184. I have to beat this rich jerk who
keeps making me wipe out.
185. I'm going to make a bet with him, and race him.
186. You think...
187. you can beat...
188. this glorious...
189. alpha male?
190. It's going to happen.
191. 'Cause I'm going to hide in the bushes
and jump out at him and force him to crash.
192. It may not be the most honest thing in the world,
but you know what, who cares?
193. This guys totally deserves it.
194. I'd hate... to be him.
195. Hal, get in this bed and go to sleep!
196. Oh, I'll sleep, Lois. I'll sleep where I'm wanted!
197. Are you coming back to bed, or
should I just order a crib for you?
198. I'm not coming back. I don't like
to be where I'm not wanted.
199. Especially if it's on a big giant bed!
200. You've been on the couch for four days.
201. I can hold on as long as you can.
202. I have nothing to apologize for!
203. Why would you? I bet they were
the best four days of your life...
204. No! No! No!
205. You're both holding back too much.
206. Glacienda, you sacrificed your future
for a family that's not even grateful.
207. You've got all this anger bubbling
up that's ready to explode!
208. And Don Argento, you have nothing
in the world but that woman.
209. You hate your job, you don't have
friends and now you're losing her!
210. Dewey.
211. When it says "Jamie wets his diaper,"
should I really wet myself?
212. No.
213. But on show night?
214. If the second act drags.
215. Dewey, the problem is that these
characters are just treading water.
216. I mean, it's been four days and we've
done four scenes with him on the couch.
217. You're right. They're just stuck.
218. What if Don Argento solves his romantic problems with
a machete in a tragic, yet comedic, big bloody mess?
219. Yes, I want to return a mattress I bought last
week in accord with your 30-day return policy.
220. Okay, I'll speak with the king.
221. You're returning the bed?
222. That's it?
223. In what world is that an ending?
224. Your father and I were arguing. It's just not worth it.
225. That doesn't seem like a very satisfying resolution.
226. Well, sometimes marriage is about getting by.
227. You're not always satisfied with everything.
228. Wow.
229. I can't believe Dad was so right.
230. He said if he made a big enough stink, he'd get his way.
231. Well, it's a good lesson for me, though. Thanks, Mom.
232. Okay. 80 bucks.
233. Street rules. Which means no rules.
234. And don't let yourself think about what might happen,
because you don't want to get psyched out.
235. And don't think about getting psyched out
because you might get psyched out.
236. People who get psyched out make mistakes.
237. Good... advice.
238. What?
239. Go!
240. Oh, my God, Stevie, no!
241. All right, Hal, I didn't want to have to
say this, but you've pushed me to it.
242. What?
243. There's a reason I bought a bed that was bigger.
244. I did want some distance from you, but it's not because
I don't love you and I don't want to be close to you.
245. I don't understand.
246. There are certain things that have to
happen with my body at the end of the day.
247. Certain events that have to... transpire.
248. And if they don't transpire, I end up with stomach cramps,
and I don't want it to happen two inches away from your nose.
249. That's your secret?
250. I know it's stupid and embarrassing and I want to be sexy
for you, but after 20 years, I just have to have a break
from clamping down and gritting my teeth all night.
251. Oh, honey, I don't care about that.
252. And it's not a secret. The second you
fall asleep you let loose like a sailor.
253. What?
254. Oh, yeah, it's like when they put the balloons
away after the Thanksgiving parade.
255. Oh, my God. I can't hear anything.
256. You're tunneling out.
257. Honey, honey, relax.
258. Honey, we're married.
259. It doesn't matter how embarrassing something is.
260. Because no one knows it... but me.
261. Lois...
262. Don't be embarrassed.
263. I know...
264. Everything about you.
265. I know when you,
266. think you're alone.
267. You have to check, if your ears have grown.
268. Every day, before you go to work.
269. You know how I panic,
270. When I see a monkey.
271. I've seen you take pizza,
272. From the garbage and eat it!
273. I know all of you,
274. You know all of me.
275. But it's only us, my love!
276. No one else knows.
277. No one else.
278. No one else.
279. No one...
280. Else.
281. I'll return the bed.
282. Honey, you've fallen asleep for a week in that bed.
283. They're not gonna take it back.
284. There you are. I was looking all over for you.
285. Boy, I wish I was you. The worst
thing in your life is taking a nap.
286. You still... owe me... 80 bucks.
287. Take it out of my pocket.
288. Ladies and gentlemen.
289. We now present a story of shame, humiliation
and the deep personal secrets, that lurk within...