1. Oh, my God.
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2. What?
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3. Did you see this?
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4. Look what Jamie wrote.
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5. Oh, my God.
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6. He knows his letters.
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7. There are actual words here.
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8. I mean, it's crude, and it's not clear what
he's communicating, but Jamie is a genius.
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9. There's my homework!
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10. What?
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11. I do my homework once in a while.
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12. Malcolm in the Middle - 6.10 - Billboard
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13. Synchronisation par Mark & Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.
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14. Once every six months, Mom wakes us up at 5 a.m., shoves
us into the car and makes us go to the outlet stores.
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15. I tell you, I am never disappointed in Value Village.
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16. No other place in the county has
such a selection of irregulars.
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17. Are these made in some country
where people aren't symmetrical?
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18. Stop complaining.
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19. If it weren't for Value Village, most of this family
would have to run around naked.
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20. That place is all that separates us from the apes.
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21. Oh, for crying out loud.
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22. What? I was not! You look great!
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23. The Paysons Outlet has 48-packs
of paper towels for half price.
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24. I wish we had more room in this car.
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25. I knew we should have put the rack on top...
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26. What's wrong with all of you?
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27. We're just thinking about all
those towels, honey. I mean...
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28. You're not the only one who loves a bargain.
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29. - Come on!
- What are you doing?
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30. Saving your minds from turning into mush.
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31. You've been sitting on that
couch watching TV for hours.
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32. So what? There's nothing else to do.
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33. There's never anything to do around here.
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34. Because you have no imaginations, because
you sit in front of that idiot box all day long.
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35. Your mother's right.
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36. It's a sad day when three healthy boys can't think
of anything to do with a beautiful Saturday.
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37. You could take a walk, you could roll a hoop,
you can start a rock collection. There.
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38. That's three ideas in five seconds.
I hope you're embarrassed.
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39. You boys have no idea how lucky you are.
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40. The day will come where you won't be able
to complain about having nothing to do.
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41. That's right. You'll have responsibilities
and a career and children.
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42. And then you'll ask yourself,
"Hey, where's my boredom now?"
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43. All right, all right, just stop lecturing us!
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44. God forbid those three should
have to make their own fun.
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45. I hate to admit it, but Mom challenged us to use
our creativity, and I think we're better for it.
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46. How much time do we have
before the lights come on?
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47. We've got a few minutes.
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48. Let's give her crazy eyes, Dracula
fangs, and a giant fart cloud.
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49. Eh. Feels done.
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50. We went to all the trouble to get up here.
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51. Let's really think about...
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52. Reese!
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53. What are you writing?
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54. "I want Reese."
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55. Come on. You know she's thinking it.
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56. How are we supposed to get away
with this if you put your name up there?
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57. Relax. We're miles from our house.
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58. Nobody here knows us.
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59. Oh, my God!
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60. Did you hear something?
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61. What are you boys doing up there?
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62. It's Mom!
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63. How'd she know where to find us?
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64. I told you she's got tracking devices in our feelings!
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65. If you two geniuses had ripped them out
like I did, we wouldn't be in this mess!
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66. - Maybe she didn't see us.
- Reese, Malcolm, Dewey!
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67. You get down here this instant!
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68. Missus, I don't know who you are thinking we are.
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69. Your boys are very different boys than we are being.
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70. Oh, no!
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71. Where's the back door on this thing?
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72. It's a billboard!
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73. We are so dead!
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74. This time she'll finish us!
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75. What are we gonna do?
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76. Oh, God! Oh, God!
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77. Why do billboards have to be so visible?
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78. Come down now!
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79. Reese, give me your pocket knife.
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80. Okay... But if you miss her,
you'll only make her madder.
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81. What are you doing?
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82. Hold on. I know that look.
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83. He's using his brain.
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84. We can't come down because we are...
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85. protesting this offensive depiction of women!
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86. What?
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87. What?
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88. We've come up here to make
a difference in the world!
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89. Yeah!
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90. To speak for women like this one
who can't speak for themselves!
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91. Yeah, because they're billboards!
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92. Shut up.
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93. We're not coming down until women
everywhere get the respect they deserve!
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94. No matter how long it takes,
we're staying up here!
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95. Oh, for the love of God. I don't know
who you think you're fooling.
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96. - It's about time!
- Thank you, boys!
- God bless you!
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97. Oh, no.
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98. She's talking to the cops.
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99. Wait, that's good.
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100. If she gets ahold of us, she'll
have to beat us within the law.
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101. All these people showing up is
making her madder and madder.
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102. Why didn't we just climb down right away?
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103. What were you thinking?
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104. I don't know. I panicked.
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105. I want to know what you're
going to do to get my boys down.
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106. It's a complicated situation, ma'am. We have very specific
guidelines for how to deal with political protesters.
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107. They're not political protesters.
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108. Those boys don't give a damn about women's rights!
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109. If they did, they'd clean up their rooms once in a while!
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110. This is hooliganism!
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111. Sorry it took me so long.
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112. Eight different baby-sitters turned me down.
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113. Do you know Jamie's on a website?
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114. Where are the boys?
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115. I told you.
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116. Oh, good God!
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117. I thought it was a metaphor.
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118. I'm sure you have ladders.
I'm sure you have people who climb them.
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119. So get one of them up there
and get my children down!
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120. Ma'am, let me explain something
about the Police Commissioner.
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121. This is an election year.
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122. We've had a lot of unflattering
video on the news lately.
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123. The Chang case, the Jefferson case, the Rodriguez case.
All he has left is the white vote.
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124. So he's not going to let a bunch of video
cameras tape us manhandling those children.
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125. But if there's anything else
that we can do for you...
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126. Yeah, how about you call a cop?
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127. Sorry, Officer.
It's not you, it's me.
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128. I have a severe gambling problem.
Lost the house playing Pai-Gow.
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129. She's a saint.
Would you excuse us a moment?
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130. Honey, calm down.
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131. You know what pepper spray feels like.
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132. Let's just give it an hour or two.
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133. When these people lose interest and the
crowd disperses, we'll get the boys down.
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134. That's right, Steven. I'm here at the scene
of this dramatic demonstration...
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135. In an age of cynicism when it's said that
young people don't care about the important issues...
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136. These three youngsters seem to have struck a nerve among like-minded
citizens who've had enough of this degrading depiction of women.
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137. Lois, did you see all the news vans?
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138. Lyle at Seven told me to get out of his shot.
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139. He is one handsome man.
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140. Over here we have the proud mother
of these three young protesters.
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141. What do you want the nation
to know about your boys?
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142. No comment.
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143. So you must be the father?
Can we get some comment from you?
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144. I, I don't know that
I really want to sound off.
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145. How do you account for your sons'
extraordinary sensitivity to women's issues?
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146. Well, Dinah, in our house we
emphasize the rights of all people.
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147. I've tried to pass along what
I like to call "core values."
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148. Equality, respect, compassion, nutrition.
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149. We have something called
the Clean Plate Club.
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150. What's that cop doing?
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151. I think he's throwing something.
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152. Oh my God!
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153. What is it?
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154. It's a cell phone.
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155. Hello.
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156. Hello.
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157. Mom?
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158. Before you say anything, I want you to listen carefully.
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159. There are a couple ways we can handle this.
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160. If you come down right now, I can go
as low as three weeks in your room.
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161. If there's no you get two meals a
day and enough light to read by.
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162. You should think about this very carefully,
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163. but you've only got ten minutes until this offer expires.
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164. Then all bets are off.
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165. Oh, my God.
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166. I know.
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167. She's negotiating.
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168. She's never negotiated anything before.
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169. We found a weakness.
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170. All these people and the TV cameras.
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171. She must be scared.
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172. I didn't think this was possible.
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173. Suddenly, she looks so small.
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174. People,
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175. the battle before us may be long,
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176. but we will not stop
until we end the oppression!
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177. Women of the world...
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178. Unite!
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179. I am their mother, and I say this has gone on long enough!
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180. Don't you have snipers with
tranquilizer guns or a giant net?
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181. - What do I pay taxes for?
- No, the life of a crusader is not an easy one,
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182. but once that fire is lit, there is no putting it out.
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183. Feminism must be very important &to your boys.
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184. Meryl, please! They're not my "boys." They're my children.
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185. If you feel the need to label them, I'm sorry for you.
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186. It's high time we showed a national audience...
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187. This is national?
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188. that we're still producing heroes in this
country, and three of them are up there!
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189. It's your sons, ma'am.
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190. Well, you're cutting it awfully close.
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191. I gave you ten minutes, and you've taken nearly nine and a half.
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192. We decided we're not coming down.
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193. What?
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194. We discussed it as a family.
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195. See, we figure you're as mad now
as you possibly can ever get.
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196. We've reached the point where nothing
we do can make it any worse.
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197. So every hour we stay up here
is another hour of freedom.
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198. Plus another 30 or 40 supporters added to our fan base.
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199. Malcolm, let's set aside the fact that you know you've done wrong.
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200. Let's ignore that you're pretending to have
principles you don't have just to get out of it.
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201. You have to come down sometime.
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202. And life is long.
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203. That's what's nice about being young.
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204. We really don't think that far ahead.
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205. This whole thing's been kind of eye-opening.
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206. If nothing else, we've all had a lesson
on the ephemeral nature of power.
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207. Power's a funny thing.
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208. It's when you think you have it that you're in trouble.
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209. Valid point.
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210. Historically.
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211. But on a philosophical level, Mom...
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212. we've already won.
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213. We're free.
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214. And no matter what happens tonight,
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215. we both know it.
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216. I think it's getting cold up here.
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217. I don't think we should do this anymore.
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218. I don't know who we think we're kidding.
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219. - We're not going to be able to win this...
- Dewey,
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220. don't look into her eyes!
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221. Huh?
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222. What just happened?
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223. Damn it.
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224. I remember my mother, smart as any man,
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225. down on her knees in the kitchen,
scrubbing that floor 'til it shined.
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226. - I think I was seven when I made a
promise to myself and to all women...
- Hal?
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227. Yes.
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228. Oh, my God.
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229. I saw you on TV tonight, and I couldn't believe it was you,
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230. but you kept talking and talking and talking.
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231. And I realized it had to be you.
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232. Wendy...
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233. - How long's it been?
- 23 years, Hal.
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234. You know, I remember the last time I saw you down to the day
and the minute. I can tell you exactly where I was standing...
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235. Wendy!
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236. That was so long ago. I've got a whole new life now.
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237. - You can't just come here and expect...
- Promises were made, Hal.
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238. And now that I found you, I'm not just gonna go away.
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239. Look, I know that there are some
issues that probably need resolving...
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240. Listen, honey, let's get a cup of coffee way over there.
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241. No. I have an idea.
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242. Is this going up to the boys?
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243. Yes, it's some baked goods, some jackets for
when it gets cold... and my phone number.
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244. Oh, this is wonderful.
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245. You certainly went to a lot of trouble.
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246. My boys are just going to be so appreciative of your kindness.
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247. I think the Green Valley Women's Collective makes
better banana bread than the Feminists for Change.
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248. According to the wrapper, we're the first male hands to touch this.
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249. You know, except for Mom and Dad and Francis and Jamie,
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250. I think this has really brought our family together.
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251. What are you doing?
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252. What?
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253. You know what.
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254. Why do you get the one with the cherry?
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255. I just grabbed one. I don't care.
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256. If you don't care, then let me have it.
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257. I already took it.
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258. Hey, I'm here, too. I want the cherry.
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259. You always do this.
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260. You only want it because I have it.
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261. I don't care what you have.
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262. Reese, you're not the center of everything...
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263. Wait.
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264. Why would they only put a cherry on one cupcake?
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265. This is Mom.
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266. There may be those who will try to drive a wedge between us.
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267. But if we learn nothing else tonight,
we will learn to stand together!
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268. Damn it.
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269. We have a pretty sweet deal up here.
Food, drinks.
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270. Everyone of our needs is being taken care of.
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271. Everyone.
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272. Man, they better stop sending up bran muffins.
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273. Hey! You may want to burn this basket!
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274. How are the books they gave us?
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275. The feminist joke book's a little ham-fisted,
but these fairy tales are interesting.
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276. In this one, Cinderella tells the Prince
he's sapping her woman-strength,
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277. and she pushes him aside to create
a matriarchy with fluid gender roles.
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278. Can you believe these cows
actually think we're on their side?
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279. We love you, boys!
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280. Right on, sister!
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281. Check out that pig.
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282. You don't have to talk about them like that.
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283. They've been really nice to us.
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284. Yeah, and they really believe in this stuff.
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285. That is such a load.
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286. Every woman down there is just
here because they're jealous.
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287. Of what?
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288. Of the fact that they're not
hot enough to be strippers.
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289. They act like they're all offended, but really
they're just mad about their own giant butts.
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290. Believe me, in their heart of hearts,
every woman wants to be her.
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291. - What about Mom?
- We're not talking about moms.
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292. We're talking about women.
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293. So all women want to be strippers?
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294. There are no women in the world who want to
be doctors or lawyers or anything like that?
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295. Cut the act, Malcolm.
They can't hear you.
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296. Just because they look like dogs
doesn't mean they hear like dogs.
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297. I'm sleeping on the other side.
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298. Come on, I was just being honest!
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299. So whipped.
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300. Where are the heroes who fight for a cause?
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301. Who live by the code of their own moral laws?
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302. Who stand up to tyrants and fight the police?
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303. Like Gandhi and Martin and Bobby and Rosa...
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304. And Malcolm and Dewey and Reese?
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305. And Malcolm and Dewey and Reese.
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306. Reese?
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307. Reese.
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308. Hi.
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309. I've been wanting to talk to you.
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310. Really?
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311. Yeah, sugar.
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312. I had to wait for your brothers to go to sleep.
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313. You don't want to share me, do you?
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314. Everyone's mad at me.
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315. Malcolm and Dewey think I'm a jerk.
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316. You're not a jerk. You're just little.
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317. I think you're cute as a bug.
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318. Do you want me to kiss you?
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319. Uh... yes, ma'am.
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320. Wow.
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321. Damn tootin' wow.
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322. So, will you take off your giant top?
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323. Do you have a giant dollar?
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324. I'll get a whole bunch if you'll come back again.
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325. I'll come back every night if you want.
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326. You're so great.
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327. The girls at school won't even talk to me.
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328. Listen, if they're not willing to talk to you or
dance on a pole, they're not really your friends.
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329. You don't need them.
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330. You have me.
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331. I'm perfect.
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332. I'm the only woman in the world for you, Reese.
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333. You are?
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334. Of course.
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335. I'm 60 feet tall.
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336. My skin is five inches thick.
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337. No matter how creepy and insensitive
and thoughtless you are, you can't hurt me.
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338. That's all I ever wanted.
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339. Why aren't all women like you?
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340. Well, I'm not real, sugar.
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341. Oh, yeah.
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342. You just dreamed me up as a super-sexy way to face
the fact that you're going to live the rest of your life alone.
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343. But that's not for sure, is it?
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344. And you know the saddest part?
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345. You're gonna wake up before you can think
of anything really good to do with me.
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346. Wait.
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347. We can't just give up on this.
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348. Wait.
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349. Don't leave me.
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350. Don't leave me!
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351. Right now the mother of the protesters is with the Police Commissioner,
pleading for her brave boys whose sacrifice continues to inspire so many.
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352. Those boys are like dogs.
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353. I have to get them on their backs
just to reestablish my dominance.
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354. Look, this whole protest thing is a lie anyway.
They don't believe a word of it.
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355. If it's an issue of liability, I'll sign any waiver.
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356. Just get them down here!
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357. Do I appear to look concerned?
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358. What?
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359. Yeah, sure, you look concerned.
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360. Oh, thank God.
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361. My handlers say that I don't pull it off.
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362. Can't do the mouth.
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363. I want those boys down.
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364. Believe me, there is nothing I would like more
than to tear 'em down and crack a few heads.
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365. But in an election year we all have to make sacrifices.
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366. You know, this whole thing brings me
back to my days on the Freedom Ride.
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367. It's fantastic. We're getting an injunction.
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368. What?
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369. The ACLU found a judge who's completely
sympathetic to what your boys are doing.
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370. In two hours, we'll have an airtight court order and
your boys can stay up there for days, even weeks.
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371. Excuse me, I have something to say.
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372. I want the world to know how proud
I am of my boys for making this statement,
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373. despite the wind and the cold and
little Dewey's medical condition.
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374. And I want to thank the Police Commissioner for letting my son
stay up there, even if it means rolling the dice on a diabetic coma.
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375. It's nice to see someone who cares about principles
more than they care about the life of a little boy.
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376. Get 'em down.
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377. Malcolm!
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378. Reese!
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379. Oh, my God!
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380. We'll have you in your mother's
arms in a minute, little Dewey!
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381. No!
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382. Excuse me, are you Hal's wife?
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383. Yeah, this is, uh...
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384. There's something you need
to know about your husband.
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385. We both worked at the Tiger Shop at Macy's.
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386. One night he got me drunk and...
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387. borrowed $400 from me!
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388. What?
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389. He bought a velour suit and faked his
own death to get out of paying me back.
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390. He actually blew up a phone booth.
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391. I figure with interest it comes to about ten grand.
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392. I'm sorry, but...
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393. Hey! Hey, everybody!
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394. You can take us down, but first I have something to say.
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395. I realized something up here.
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396. This woman is beautiful, she's sexy, and
perfect and gigantic, but you know what?
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397. She isn't real.
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398. If she was real, she'd be different.
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399. I know that if I was real,
I'd want people to listen to me.
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400. I'd want people to care about what
I think and not ignore me.
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401. I guess what these protesters are trying to say is,
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402. that women, real women, aren't
that different from regular people.
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403. They want the same things that men want.
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404. Only men don't have to hold a big protest to get them.
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405. And women shouldn't have to either.
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406. Well, I'm very proud of you boys.
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407. Let's go home where I can truly express how I'm feeling.
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408. I've had six hours to figure out all the horrible
things that are going to happen to you.
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409. You, I still have to think about.
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410. Get him to Deaconess Diabetic Center right away.
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411. Dad! Tell them what's going on!
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412. - Tell them I'm not...
- He's fading! Let's go! Let's go!
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