Malcolm in the Middle 5x22

Directed by Peter Lauer

Jorge-Luis Pallo as Driver • Michael Milhoan as Sgt. McManus • Emy Coligado as Piama Tananahaakna • Lindsey Ginter as Capt. Renquist • Michael Chieffo as Dennis

Reese continues to be a great soldier in the Army until he finds himself in a situation where his Sergeant cannot help. But after comparing being captured to being grounded, he takes action and leads his team to victory. But being such a successful soldier has it's bad parts as well, as Reese prepares to jump from the plane - right into Afghanistan. Malcolm has his hands full as well as he attempts to prove Hal innocent. But being good with numbers helps as Malcolm notices all of the prosecutions given dates are on Fridays - which Hal hasn't worked on in over 15 years. And with Reese missing and Hal's case, Lois falls deeper and deeper into insanity.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Previously on Malcolm in the Middle... I love you.

2. I want to break up.

3. Welcome to the US Army!

4. You are not going to lie

5. to put someone in jail who might be innocent.

6. Can't he at least put some pants on?

7. Just as soon as we get a good perp walk out of him.

8. Your court order says you have

9. to stay within a 50-foot radius.

10. My drill sergeant's breath is not my concern!

11. I know you're innocent,

12. and I can prove it.

13. Just make sure you stay

14. within 30 feet of this backpack.

15. I want you to explain to these recruits

16. how the worst soldier in the unit

17. has managed to put them all to shame.

18. I just stopped thinking.

19. I'm the world's happiest tool.

20. Mom, you've been in there for three hours!

21. In a minute. I'm in the shower!

22. I think we got a bomb here.

23. Sir, I need you to step away

24. to a distance of at least 150 feet.

25. I can't do that.

26. I'm... I'm...

27. I'm in the bomb squad.

28. You're not alone.

29. We've called every available police officer

30. in the Tri-County area.

31. Are you sure you don't need any equipment?

32. We've got some needle-nose pliers.

33. No! Stay away!

34. Everyone has to stay away!

35. This thing is picking up a lot of vibrations right now.

36. I said get back.

37. Do you have a death wish, Officer?

38. I'm Lieutenant Sortino with the bomb squad.

39. I'm here to help. What's your name?

40. No time for introductions.

41. We've got a level five explosive

42. with a gravity timer and a percussion fuse.

43. What bomb squad did you say you were with?

44. Millbrook.

45. I'm off duty.

46. Came by to return a library book.

47. You've got a better selection here.

48. And they charge 50 cents a day back home.

49. Now, I know the fines help pay

50. for the place, but that's really

51. a very small part of the budget.

52. Now, if we are finished playing 20 questions,

53. I've got lives to save.

54. Since you guys seem more up to date in Millbrook,

55. I'm just going to go call your supervisor,

56. see if he can send some backup.

57. Hoo-hoo! Sure.

58. If you can find him.

59. Okay, I'm going to try to detach the coaxial...

60. Oh, no!

61. I cut the wrong wire!

62. It's gonna blow!

63. Tell my wife I love her!

64. Five!

65. Four!

66. Three!

67. Two!

68. One!

69. See? You don't need grocery money if you're creative.

70. I wish I had better news for you, Hal, but the prosecution

71. has 30 eyewitnesses that can all avoid

72. going to prison themselves by fingering you.

73. How about my mystery guy?

74. He's only got six months to live.

75. He doesn't want to die with a guilty conscience.

76. He's gonna completely exonerate me.

77. And he's not imaginary.

78. This is pretty much how things

79. have been going around here lately.

80. Dad's trial starts tomorrow,

81. we still have no idea where Reese is,

82. and Mom kind of had a breakdown.

83. It's okay. She's slowly working her way back.

84. I think her new hobby's helping her.

85. This one's name is Sam Gundlebumps.

86. He grew up on a farm where he was friends with a turkey and a duck.

87. He can't see very well, so he's always getting lost.

88. It'll be okay, Lois.

89. We're gonna find Reese.

90. Look, he picked flowers.

91. He's going a-courtin'.

92. Right face!

93. Left face!

94. About face!

95. Right arm windmill!

96. Hop on your left foot!

97. Teapot!

98. About face!

99. Forward march!

100. He'll do that all day.

101. He's got no more thought than a bug.

102. It's almost enough to restore my faith

103. in the future of this army.

104. I guess those subliminal ads are working after all.

105. The army doesn't use subliminal ads.

106. At ease!

107. Now, in a few days we have some

108. very important field training exercises,

109. and I want you to be my number two,

110. because you will obey my every command

111. like some kind of beautiful, brainless zombie robot.

112. I'd be honored, Drill Sergeant.

113. Now let's go make some bets

114. and march you into the electric fence.

115. I saw the defendant

116. hack through the proxy server's firewall,

117. and delete the SPE files without leaving any tracks.

118. I didn't totally understand it,

119. but he said the dummy corporation

120. could be used to launder all the money we siphoned off.

121. You can threaten my children all you want!

122. I don't care!

123. I have to tell the truth!

124. For God's sakes, do something.

125. Just be patient.

126. There's such a thing as too much evidence.

127. Eventually they'll get bored.

128. The prosecution calls Gordon Walker.

129. That's him. That's my guy.

130. I was worried about what I would say when I got up here,

131. but deep down, I knew

132. I would have to tell the truth.

133. There's a conspiracy going on here,

134. and it's all been orchestrated

135. by that man.

136. Is he pointing at someone directly behind me?

137. And after he shredded the last of the documents,

138. he delivered the punch line

139. to yet another racist joke.

140. No further questions.

141. Turns out I'm gonna live.

142. They had the wrong X ray.

143. Boy, when you've had a scare like mine,

144. you realize what's really important—

145. staying out of jail.

146. Good luck.

147. With this many people lying,

148. we've got to be able to find something to trip one of them up.

149. Let's not get our hopes up.

150. Mom, I know you've had a rough time

151. and that your little projects are very therapeutic for you,

152. but Dad is in very big trouble.

153. You have to start helping.

154. Honey, I know this is a crisis,

155. and believe me, I'm doing everything I can.

156. I spent extra money on quick-drying glue,

157. so no matter how you shake it, the sequins won't fall off.

158. After what happened at Compulsories,

159. Rebecca's really got to nail her long program.

160. Those flour bombs just don't do it for me.

161. I miss the old days when we got to use live ordnance.

162. That looked like the movies.

163. Tell your men advance

164. northwest, 20 meters.

165. Advance northwest, 20 meters!

166. North-northeast, five meters!

167. North-northeast, five meters!

168. Crap. I'm hit!

169. I'm gonna go die over here in the shade.

170. Get to the rendezvous point!

171. Bravo, lay down cover fire! Alpha, flank right.

172. Get to the rendezvous point! Bravo, lay down cover fire.

173. Alpha, flank right!

174. You are really showing

175. leadership, soldier!

176. I am really showing leadership!

177. I'm allergic to wheat products!

178. This is going to be awesome.

179. You've got to watch this.

180. He swells up like a balloon.

181. Hey!

182. We got a vehicle from Blue Team approaching.

183. Squad Leader!

184. Intercept that vehicle!

185. Yes, Sergeant!

186. Oh, no!

187. Oh, my God, are you okay?

188. God, I love that boy.

189. More Blue Team vehicles approaching— should we run?

190. Sergeant! Sergeant!

191. Forget the sergeant!

192. Just say we can run!

193. Sergeant? Sergeant?

194. Idiot! Move!

195. Reese! Come on!

196. Can we go?

197. Sergeant? Sergeant?

198. Sergeant? Sergeant?

199. Sergeant?

200. Ladies and gentlemen, you have heard a staggering amount

201. of evidence against the defendant.

202. Let me clarify what we now know.

203. Three members of the board of directors

204. testified that the defendant

205. submitted altered financial statements on August 9.

206. The Senior VP of Finance

207. heard the defendant plot to hide

208. company assets offshore on December 6.

209. The Chief Operations Officer

210. saw him shredding documents in a stairwell

211. on February 21.

212. And on June 27, the Director of IT Services

213. testified that the defendant

214. showed him pictures of his new yacht

215. which he named Above the Law.

216. And, on July 11,

217. you heard the Senior Analyst

218. break down in tears as he revealed

219. the defendant's scheme

220. to bilk the company out of millions...

221. What are you doing?

222. Shh. I'm awake.

223. I'm trying to get you grounds for an appeal.

224. Mom? Are you coming out for dinner?

225. I'm just taking Penelope's temperature.

226. I think she caught Ambrosia's cold.

227. Is Penelope the foreign correspondent

228. or the candy striper?

229. No, she's just a homemaker,

230. but a big candy company's

231. interested in her taffy recipe.

232. Can I have the potatoes?

233. You can have anything you want, son,

234. if you're willing to work for it.

235. Just reach for the stars

236. and never let go.

237. I should have told you that a long time ago.

238. And when you write an angry letter,

239. hold onto it for a day.

240. You might not feel the same in the morning.

241. And never invest

242. in a friend's restaurant. Never.

243. You know what?

244. I'm not hungry.

245. Come on, Dewey, let's go teach you

246. how to shave.

247. Great!

248. When you tip a valet,

249. always fold your dollar up real tight.

250. That way, by the time he sees what he's got,

251. you're down the block.

252. Dad?

253. I made coffee. You want some?

254. Oh, hi.

255. I was just singing.

256. Always have a song in your heart, son.

257. Thanks.

258. You know what the worst thing is?

259. I have always hated that job.

260. I wanted to quit

261. ten years ago when they started

262. deducting for sick days.

263. I wanted to quit a year ago

264. when they started making us

265. vacuum out our own cubicles.

266. If I'd have done that,

267. they would have found another patsy

268. and I wouldn't have been in this mess.

269. They should have just fired me.

270. I was a terrible employee.

271. I never read a memo,

272. I came in late, I blew off Fridays.

273. What the hell is wrong with those people?

274. Just promise me

275. that you'll learn from my mistakes.

276. Don't ever settle, Malcolm.

277. I won't.

278. I'm going to go make love to your mother one last time.

279. I probably wasn't going to sleep tonight anyway.

280. Malcolm, we have to talk.

281. We've been avoiding this, but it's

282. time to face the facts.

283. We need you to forge Dad's signature on this document

284. declaring Mom mentally incompetent.

285. That way, when Dad goes to jail,

286. you can get emancipated

287. and I'll take custody of Dewey and Jamie.

288. It's funny.

289. I always figured Mom for jail and Dad for the loony bin.

290. Life, huh?

291. I can't fake Dad's signature.

292. I do Mom. Reese does Dad.

293. What?

294. You should each be able to do both.

295. What did I tell you about building

296. a little redundancy into the system?

297. Wait a second.

298. Oh, my God.

299. What is it? I need to talk to Dad right now.

300. Maybe I'll wait 20 minutes.

301. What were your orders, Private?

302. I don't know. Ask the sergeant.

303. Tell us your call signs and frequencies!

304. I don't know. Ask the sergeant.

305. We don't have to do this

306. the hard way.

307. Let's all take a break

308. and relax a little.

309. You want a glass of water?

310. I don't know. Ask the sergeant.

311. Stop saying that!

312. This may not be a real war,

313. but I got an extra day's leave riding on this,

314. and a girlfriend who is in model school.

315. Model school!

316. Now you will talk or I will make your life a living hell!

317. You don't think I want to?

318. This sucks! I've been a good soldier!

319. I shut off my brain like the Army wanted.

320. Everyone said I was doing great, but I'm not!

321. I have to help my squad.

322. The guys are depending on me, but I can't!

323. You know what? I don't care what the Army says.

324. I'm sick of this!

325. I'm turning my brain back on!

326. Did it happen?

327. Did what happen?

328. Wait...

329. I think it's...

330. No, it's not.

331. Yes, it is.

332. Is it?

333. Damn, I wish there was more of a difference.

334. Look, you can act as crazy as you'd like,

335. 'cause I got nothing but time.

336. And no one's coming to rescue you.

337. Not your sergeant, not your squad,

338. and your mama's not going to come

339. and wipe your nose and change your diaper.

340. Mom.

341. Mom. Of course.

342. Freak held his breath

343. until he turned blue and then passed out.

344. Yeah! Whoo!

345. Haven't done that in a while.

346. You okay? I'm fine.

347. I know how to get us out of here.

348. That's impossible. Look around. We're in prison, man.

349. Wrong. We are not in prison. We're grounded.

350. And there's always a way to get out of being grounded.

351. You can pry up some floorboards...

352. set your bed on fire.

353. There's only two things you have to remember.

354. You need a diversion

355. and the little guy gets screwed.

356. But that's okay.

357. He's too little to do anything about it.

358. You're going to have

359. to eat some dirt— about three pounds of it.

360. What good's a diversion going to do? We're tied up.

361. I guess your brothers never tied you up

362. and left you in a Dumpster on trash day.

363. Okay, start eating.

364. It's not fatal, it only looks like it.

365. We need more shovels!

366. And just get every bucket you can find!

367. You might want to hike up your pants.

368. He's got another half hour of this.

369. Good news, sir.

370. It looks like Red Team's about to fold.

371. Two squads have been captured,

372. the others are pinned down here, here, and here.

373. Okay, now we've just got to sneak the keys out of his purse.

374. Test, test.

375. Test, test.

376. The microphone works.

377. The chair is perfect,

378. and your hair looks fine, sir.

379. Can we proceed?

380. Now then, Hal, we've heard a lot of testimony

381. from people about what you've done at this company.

382. Why don't you tell us in your own words

383. what kind of an employee you were.

384. Marginal.

385. At best.

386. Would you care to elaborate?

387. When you work for a big, impersonal corporation

388. like this...

389. You know those nature shows

390. where a wasp paralyzes a caterpillar,

391. then injects it full of larvae?

392. It stays alive for weeks,

393. completely aware, feeling every little bite

394. as the larvae devour it from the inside.

395. I sat in a cubicle every day

396. envying that caterpillar

397. 'cause at least he got to be on TV.

398. I hated that job.

399. I was a crappy employee.

400. And yet countless

401. eyewitnesses paint you as a man at the center

402. of an ingenious conspiracy.

403. Shh-shh...

404. Time and time again you were placed

405. at a crucial event.

406. Do you have any way of refuting these claims?

407. Well, I didn't.

408. Who could remember

409. what they were doing on January 25, 2002

410. or March 14, 2003?

411. But my son figured something out.

412. Stand up, Malcolm.

413. I know he looks normal,

414. but my son is a freaky genius with numbers.

415. I'm telling you, his head should be

416. the size of a medicine ball.

417. You give him

418. any day of any year, and he can tell you

419. what day of the week it is.

420. And what does that have to do with anything?

421. Well, he figured out that every date on the board

422. is a Friday.

423. Every one. You can check the calendar.

424. I'm sorry,

425. I don't understand

426. why that would be so important.

427. I haven't shown up for work on a Friday in 15 years.

428. He didn't show up on Fridays for 15 years!

429. That isn't going to be on the record, is it?

430. Do you have any evidence

431. to back up this wild assertion?

432. Well, yeah, once I knew what to look for,

433. I realized I had almost everything I need

434. right here in my memory box.

435. The prosecution maintains

436. that you handed the board of directors

437. a set of cooked books on August 9.

438. Yes, that's when I went to Bavaria Land.

439. And when you were

440. supposed to be hiding money

441. offshore on December 6?

442. I went to The Nutcracker.

443. Pretty good for a community college production.

444. February 21.

445. My driver's license

446. from Grand Prix Go-Carts.

447. June 27.

448. Pilgrim Village.

449. July 11.

450. There was a ghost in my car.

451. Right in my car.

452. And finally,

453. August 22.

454. Well, I was chosen

455. to be a junior trainer at Oceanland.

456. He did all the work. I just stood there.

457. Congratulations, Hal.

458. Sorry about my little outburst there at the end.

459. But they really should say

460. "Innocent" instead of "Not guilty."

461. It's confusing.

462. Lois, we won the case.

463. Now we can get

464. our lives back to the way they were.

465. You didn't work on Fridays?

466. After all the sacrifices

467. I made for this family.

468. For 15 years

469. I worked double shifts,

470. drove carpool, cleaned the house

471. while you were feeding Shamu!

472. Actually, it's Keiko 2.

473. He's smaller, but you get just as wet in the front row.

474. It's a really good show. Let's...

475. We should see it sometime.

476. All right, let's get this over with.

477. Red Team surrenders.

478. Come on, Hendrix,

479. you can put a little feeling into it.

480. Yes, sir.

481. That leaves us with the matter of the wager.

482. I believe I can expect to see you

483. bright and early tomorrow morning

484. marching on the parade grounds

485. wearing patent leather pumps and a bustier.

486. Now, I've always

487. favored red, but far be it from me

488. to tell a lady how to dress.

489. Captain,

490. I suggest you surrender.

491. If not, I have enough flour

492. packed in this barrel to bake

493. 500 cakes.

494. All right, don't fire.

495. We hereby surrender.

496. Ah, what the hell.

497. Things are finally back to normal.

498. Well, except for the fact that Reese is still missing,

499. Mom and Dad both don't have jobs,

500. and we're $20,000 in debt.

501. It's a letter from Reese.

502. Oh, my God, he's joined the army.

503. "Dear family, I'm fine.

504. "I waited till I was a success to write to you.

505. "I finished basic training at the top

506. "of my class.

507. "My drill sergeant told me

508. I've earned some sort of reward."

509. All right, gentlemen.

510. We've entered Afghani airspace.

511. We expect both hostile

512. and friendly fire.

513. The better you remember your training,

514. the longer you will survive.

515. On your feet!

516. How soon do we land?

517. Well, that's up to you.

518. Remember, pull the green cord before the light green cord.