Malcolm in the Middle 5x22

Directed by Peter Lauer

Jorge-Luis Pallo as Driver • Michael Milhoan as Sgt. McManus • Emy Coligado as Piama Tananahaakna • Lindsey Ginter as Capt. Renquist • Michael Chieffo as Dennis

Reese continues to be a great soldier in the Army until he finds himself in a situation where his Sergeant cannot help. But after comparing being captured to being grounded, he takes action and leads his team to victory. But being such a successful soldier has it's bad parts as well, as Reese prepares to jump from the plane - right into Afghanistan. Malcolm has his hands full as well as he attempts to prove Hal innocent. But being good with numbers helps as Malcolm notices all of the prosecutions given dates are on Fridays - which Hal hasn't worked on in over 15 years. And with Reese missing and Hal's case, Lois falls deeper and deeper into insanity.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Previously

2. on Malcolm in the Middle...

3. I love you.

4. I want to break up.

5. Welcome to the US Army!

6. You are not

7. going to lie

8. to put someone in jail

9. who might be innocent.

10. Can't he at least

11. put some pants on?

12. Just as soon as we

13. get a good perp walk

14. out of him.

15. Your court order says you have

16. to stay within

17. a 50-foot radius.

18. My drill sergeant's breath

19. is not my concern!

20. I know you're innocent,

21. and I can prove it.

22. Just make sure you stay

23. within 30 feet of this backpack.

24. I want you to explain

25. to these recruits

26. how the worst soldier

27. in the unit

28. has managed to put

29. them all to shame.

30. I just stopped thinking.

31. I'm the world's

32. happiest tool.

33. Mom, you've been in

34. there for three hours!

35. In a minute. I'm in the shower!

36. I think we got a bomb here.

37. Sir, I need you to step away

38. to a distance

39. of at least 150 feet.

40. I can't do that.

41. I'm... I'm...

42. I'm in the bomb squad.

43. You're not alone.

44. We've called every

45. available police officer

46. in the Tri-County area.

47. Are you sure

48. you don't need

49. any equipment?

50. We've got some

51. needle-nose pliers.

52. No! Stay away!

53. Everyone has to stay away!

54. This thing is picking up

55. a lot of vibrations right now.

56. I said get back.

57. Do you have a death wish,

58. Officer?

59. I'm Lieutenant Sortino

60. with the bomb squad.

61. I'm here to help.

62. What's your name?

63. No time for introductions.

64. We've got a level five explosive

65. with a gravity timer

66. and a percussion fuse.

67. What bomb squad

68. did you say you were with?

69. Millbrook.

70. I'm off duty.

71. Came by to return

72. a library book.

73. You've got a better

74. selection here.

75. And they charge 50 cents a day

76. back home.

77. Now, I know the fines help pay

78. for the place,

79. but that's really

80. a very small part of the budget.

81. Now, if we are finished

82. playing 20 questions,

83. I've got lives to save.

84. Since you guys seem

85. more up to date in Millbrook,

86. I'm just going to go call

87. your supervisor,

88. see if he can send

89. some backup.

90. Hoo-hoo! Sure.

91. If you can find him.

92. (indistinct police radio

93. transmissions)

94. Okay, I'm going to try

95. to detach the coaxial...

96. (screeches):

97. Oh, no!

98. I cut the wrong wire!

99. It's gonna blow!

100. Tell my wife I love her!

101. Five!

102. Four!

103. Three!

104. Two!

105. One!

106. See? You don't need

107. grocery money if

108. you're creative.

109. I wish I had better

110. news for you, Hal,

111. but the prosecution

112. has 30 eyewitnesses

113. that can all avoid

114. going to prison themselves

115. by fingering you.

116. How about my mystery guy?

117. He's only got

118. six months to live.

119. He doesn't want to die

120. with a guilty conscience.

121. He's gonna completely

122. exonerate me.

123. And he's not imaginary.

124. This is pretty much

125. how things

126. have been going

127. around here lately.

128. Dad's trial starts tomorrow,

129. we still have no idea

130. where Reese is,

131. and Mom kind of had

132. a breakdown.

133. It's okay. She's slowly

134. working her way back.

135. I think her new hobby's

136. helping her.

137. This one's name

138. is Sam Gundlebumps.

139. He grew up on a farm

140. where he was friends

141. with a turkey and a duck.

142. He can't see very well, so

143. he's always getting lost.

144. It'll be okay, Lois.

145. We're gonna find Reese.

146. (gasps):

147. Look, he picked flowers.

148. He's going a-courtin'.

149. Right face!

150. Left face!

151. About face!

152. Right arm windmill!

153. Hop on your left foot!

154. Teapot!

155. About face!

156. Forward march!

157. He'll do that all day.

158. He's got no more

159. thought than a bug.

160. It's almost enough

161. to restore my faith

162. in the future of this army.

163. I guess those subliminal ads

164. are working after all.

165. The army doesn't

166. use subliminal ads.

167. At ease!

168. Now, in a few days

169. we have some

170. very important

171. field training exercises,

172. and I want you

173. to be my number two,

174. because you will obey

175. my every command

176. like some kind of beautiful,

177. brainless zombie robot.

178. I'd be honored, Drill Sergeant.

179. Now let's go make

180. some bets

181. and march you

182. into the electric fence.

183. I saw the defendant

184. hack through

185. the proxy server's firewall,

186. and delete the SPE files

187. without leaving any tracks.

188. I didn't totally understand it,

189. but he said the

190. dummy corporation

191. could be used to launder

192. all the money we siphoned off.

193. You can threaten

194. my children all you want!

195. I don't care!

196. I have to tell the truth!

197. For God's sakes,

198. do something.

199. Just be patient.

200. There's such a thing

201. as too much evidence.

202. Eventually they'll get bored.

203. The prosecution

204. calls Gordon Walker.

205. That's him.

206. That's my guy.

207. I was worried about what

208. I would say when I got up here,

209. but deep down, I knew

210. I would have to tell the truth.

211. There's a conspiracy

212. going on here,

213. and it's all been orchestrated

214. by that man.

215. (whispering):

216. Is he pointing at someone

217. directly behind me?

218. And after he shredded

219. the last of the documents,

220. he delivered the punch line

221. to yet another

222. racist joke.

223. No further questions.

224. Turns out I'm gonna live.

225. They had the wrong X ray.

226. Boy, when you've had

227. a scare like mine,

228. you realize what's

229. really important—

230. staying out of jail.

231. Good luck.

232. With this many people lying,

233. we've got to be able

234. to find something

235. to trip one of them up.

236. Let's not get

237. our hopes up.

238. Mom, I know you've

239. had a rough time

240. and that your little

241. projects are very

242. therapeutic for you,

243. but Dad is in very big trouble.

244. You have to start helping.

245. Honey, I know this is a crisis,

246. and believe me,

247. I'm doing everything I can.

248. I spent extra money

249. on quick-drying glue,

250. so no matter how you shake it,

251. the sequins won't fall off.

252. After what happened

253. at Compulsories,

254. Rebecca's really got to nail

255. her long program.

256. Those flour bombs

257. just don't do it for me.

258. I miss the old days

259. when we got to use

260. live ordnance.

261. That looked like the movies.

262. Tell your men advance

263. northwest, 20 meters.

264. Advance northwest, 20 meters!

265. North-northeast,

266. five meters!

267. North-northeast, five meters!

268. Crap. I'm hit!

269. I'm gonna go die

270. over here in the shade.

271. Get to the rendezvous point!

272. Bravo, lay down cover fire!

273. Alpha, flank right.

274. Get to the rendezvous point!

275. Bravo, lay down cover fire.

276. Alpha, flank right!

277. You are really showing

278. leadership, soldier!

279. I am really

280. showing leadership!

281. I'm allergic to wheat products!

282. This is going

283. to be awesome.

284. You've got

285. to watch this.

286. He swells up

287. like a balloon.

288. Hey!

289. We got a vehicle

290. from Blue Team approaching.

291. Squad Leader!

292. Intercept that vehicle!

293. Yes, Sergeant!

294. Oh, no!

295. Oh, my God, are you okay?

296. God, I love that boy.

297. More Blue Team vehicles

298. approaching— should we run?

299. Sergeant! Sergeant!

300. Forget the sergeant!

301. Just say we can run!

302. Sergeant? Sergeant?

303. Idiot! Move!

304. Reese! Come on!

305. Can we go?

306. Sergeant? Sergeant?

307. Sergeant? Sergeant?

308. Sergeant?

309. Ladies and gentlemen, you have

310. heard a staggering amount

311. of evidence

312. against the defendant.

313. Let me clarify what we now know.

314. Three members of

315. the board of directors

316. testified that the defendant

317. submitted altered financial

318. statements on August 9.

319. The Senior VP of Finance

320. heard the defendant plot to hide

321. company assets offshore

322. on December 6.

323. The Chief Operations Officer

324. saw him shredding documents

325. in a stairwell

326. on February 21.

327. And on June 27,

328. the Director of IT Services

329. testified that the defendant

330. showed him pictures

331. of his new yacht

332. which he named Above the Law.

333. And, on July 11,

334. you heard the Senior Analyst

335. break down in tears

336. as he revealed

337. the defendant's scheme

338. to bilk the company

339. out of millions...

340. What are you

341. doing?

342. Shh. I'm awake.

343. I'm trying to get you

344. grounds for an appeal.

345. Mom?

346. Are you coming out for dinner?

347. I'm just taking

348. Penelope's temperature.

349. I think she caught

350. Ambrosia's cold.

351. Is Penelope

352. the foreign correspondent

353. or the candy striper?

354. No, she's just

355. a homemaker,

356. but a big candy

357. company's

358. interested in her

359. taffy recipe.

360. Can I have the potatoes?

361. You can have anything

362. you want, son,

363. if you're willing

364. to work for it.

365. Just reach

366. for the stars

367. and never let go.

368. I should have told you that

369. a long time ago.

370. And when you write

371. an angry letter,

372. hold onto it

373. for a day.

374. You might not feel the

375. same in the morning.

376. And never invest

377. in a friend's

378. restaurant. Never.

379. You know what?

380. I'm not hungry.

381. Come on, Dewey,

382. let's go teach you

383. how to shave.

384. Great!

385. When you

386. tip a valet,

387. always fold your

388. dollar up real tight.

389. That way, by the time

390. he sees what he's got,

391. you're down

392. the block.

393. Dad?

394. I made coffee. You want some?

395. Oh, hi.

396. I was just singing.

397. Always have a song

398. in your heart, son.

399. Thanks.

400. You know what

401. the worst thing is?

402. I have always

403. hated that job.

404. I wanted to quit

405. ten years ago

406. when they started

407. deducting for sick days.

408. I wanted to quit

409. a year ago

410. when they started making us

411. vacuum out our own cubicles.

412. If I'd have

413. done that,

414. they would have

415. found another patsy

416. and I wouldn't have been

417. in this mess.

418. They should have just fired me.

419. I was a terrible employee.

420. I never read a memo,

421. I came in late,

422. I blew off Fridays.

423. What the hell is wrong

424. with those people?

425. Just promise me

426. that you'll learn

427. from my mistakes.

428. Don't ever settle, Malcolm.

429. I won't.

430. I'm going to go make love

431. to your mother one last time.

432. I probably wasn't going

433. to sleep tonight anyway.

434. Malcolm, we have to talk.

435. We've been avoiding

436. this, but it's

437. time to face the facts.

438. We need you to forge Dad's

439. signature on this document

440. declaring Mom

441. mentally incompetent.

442. That way, when Dad

443. goes to jail,

444. you can get emancipated

445. and I'll take custody

446. of Dewey and Jamie.

447. It's funny.

448. I always figured Mom for jail

449. and Dad for the loony bin.

450. Life, huh?

451. I can't fake

452. Dad's signature.

453. I do Mom.

454. Reese does Dad.

455. What?

456. You should each

457. be able to do both.

458. What did I tell you

459. about building

460. a little redundancy

461. into the system?

462. Wait a second.

463. Oh, my God.

464. What is it?

465. I need to talk to Dad right now.

466. Maybe I'll wait 20 minutes.

467. What were your

468. orders, Private?

469. I don't know.

470. Ask the sergeant.

471. Tell us your call signs

472. and frequencies!

473. I don't know.

474. Ask the sergeant.

475. We don't have

476. to do this

477. the hard way.

478. Let's all take

479. a break

480. and relax

481. a little.

482. You want a glass

483. of water?

484. I don't know.

485. Ask the sergeant.

486. Stop saying that!

487. This may not be a real war,

488. but I got an extra day's leave

489. riding on this,

490. and a girlfriend

491. who is in model school.

492. Model school!

493. Now you will talk or I will make

494. your life a living hell!

495. You don't think I want to?

496. This sucks!

497. I've been a good soldier!

498. I shut off my brain

499. like the Army wanted.

500. Everyone said I was

501. doing great, but I'm not!

502. I have to help my squad.

503. The guys are depending on me,

504. but I can't!

505. You know what?

506. I don't care what the Army says.

507. I'm sick of this!

508. I'm turning my brain back on!

509. Did it happen?

510. Did what happen?

511. Wait...

512. I think it's...

513. No, it's not.

514. Yes, it is.

515. Is it?

516. Damn, I wish there was

517. more of a difference.

518. Look, you can act

519. as crazy as you'd like,

520. 'cause I got nothing but time.

521. And no one's coming

522. to rescue you.

523. Not your sergeant,

524. not your squad,

525. and your mama's

526. not going to come

527. and wipe your nose

528. and change your diaper.

529. Mom.

530. Mom. Of course.

531. Freak held

532. his breath

533. until he turned blue

534. and then passed out.

535. Yeah! Whoo!

536. Haven't done that in a while.

537. You okay?

538. I'm fine.

539. I know how to get us

540. out of here.

541. That's impossible. Look around.

542. We're in prison, man.

543. Wrong. We are not in prison.

544. We're grounded.

545. And there's always a way

546. to get out of being grounded.

547. You can pry up

548. some floorboards...

549. set your bed on fire.

550. There's only two things

551. you have to remember.

552. You need a diversion

553. and the little guy

554. gets screwed.

555. But that's okay.

556. He's too little to do

557. anything about it.

558. You're going to have

559. to eat some dirt— about

560. three pounds of it.

561. What good's a diversion

562. going to do? We're tied up.

563. I guess your brothers

564. never tied you up

565. and left you in a Dumpster

566. on trash day.

567. Okay,

568. start eating.

569. It's not fatal,

570. it only looks like it.

571. We need more shovels!

572. And just get every

573. bucket you can find!

574. You might want

575. to hike up your pants.

576. He's got another

577. half hour of this.

578. Good news, sir.

579. It looks like Red

580. Team's about to fold.

581. Two squads have

582. been captured,

583. the others are pinned down

584. here, here, and here.

585. Okay, now we've just got to

586. sneak the keys out of his purse.

587. Test, test.

588. Test, test.

589. The microphone works.

590. The chair

591. is perfect,

592. and your hair

593. looks fine, sir.

594. Can we proceed?

595. Now then, Hal, we've heard

596. a lot of testimony

597. from people about what

598. you've done at this company.

599. Why don't you tell us

600. in your own words

601. what kind of

602. an employee you were.

603. Marginal.

604. At best.

605. Would you care to elaborate?

606. When you work for a big,

607. impersonal corporation

608. like this...

609. You know those nature shows

610. where a wasp paralyzes

611. a caterpillar,

612. then injects it full of larvae?

613. It stays alive for weeks,

614. completely aware,

615. feeling every little bite

616. as the larvae

617. devour it from the inside.

618. I sat in a cubicle every day

619. envying that caterpillar

620. 'cause at least

621. he got to be on TV.

622. I hated that job.

623. I was a crappy employee.

624. And yet countless

625. eyewitnesses paint you

626. as a man at the center

627. of an ingenious conspiracy.

628. Shh-shh...

629. Time and time again

630. you were placed

631. at a crucial event.

632. Do you have any way

633. of refuting these claims?

634. Well, I didn't.

635. Who could remember

636. what they were doing

637. on January 25, 2002

638. or March 14, 2003?

639. But my son

640. figured something out.

641. Stand up,

642. Malcolm.

643. I know he

644. looks normal,

645. but my son is a freaky genius

646. with numbers.

647. I'm telling you,

648. his head should be

649. the size of a medicine ball.

650. You give him

651. any day of any year,

652. and he can tell you

653. what day

654. of the week it is.

655. And what does that have

656. to do with anything?

657. Well, he figured out

658. that every date on the board

659. is a Friday.

660. Every one.

661. You can check the calendar.

662. I'm sorry,

663. I don't understand

664. why that would be

665. so important.

666. I haven't shown up for work

667. on a Friday in 15 years.

668. He didn't show up on Fridays

669. for 15 years!

670. That isn't going to be

671. on the record, is it?

672. Do you have any evidence

673. to back up this wild assertion?

674. Well, yeah, once I knew

675. what to look for,

676. I realized I had almost

677. everything I need

678. right here in my memory box.

679. The prosecution maintains

680. that you handed

681. the board of directors

682. a set of cooked books

683. on August 9.

684. Yes, that's when I went

685. to Bavaria Land.

686. And when

687. you were

688. supposed to be hiding money

689. offshore on December 6?

690. I went to The Nutcracker.

691. Pretty good for a community

692. college production.

693. February 21.

694. My driver's

695. license

696. from Grand Prix Go-Carts.

697. June 27.

698. Pilgrim Village.

699. July 11.

700. There was a ghost

701. in my car.

702. Right in my car.

703. And finally,

704. August 22.

705. Well, I was chosen

706. to be a junior trainer

707. at Oceanland.

708. He did all the work.

709. I just stood there.

710. Congratulations,

711. Hal.

712. Sorry about my little

713. outburst there at the end.

714. But they really

715. should say

716. "Innocent" instead

717. of "Not guilty."

718. It's confusing.

719. Lois, we won the case.

720. Now we can get

721. our lives back

722. to the way they were.

723. You didn't work

724. on Fridays?

725. After all

726. the sacrifices

727. I made for this family.

728. For 15 years

729. I worked double shifts,

730. drove carpool,

731. cleaned the house

732. while you were

733. feeding Shamu!

734. Actually, it's Keiko 2.

735. He's smaller, but you get

736. just as wet in the front row.

737. It's a really good show.

738. Let's...

739. We should see it

740. sometime.

741. All right, let's

742. get this over with.

743. Red Team surrenders.

744. Come on, Hendrix,

745. you can put a little

746. feeling into it.

747. Yes, sir.

748. That leaves us with

749. the matter of the wager.

750. I believe I can

751. expect to see you

752. bright and early

753. tomorrow morning

754. marching on the

755. parade grounds

756. wearing patent leather

757. pumps and a bustier.

758. Now, I've always

759. favored red, but

760. far be it from me

761. to tell a lady

762. how to dress.

763. Captain,

764. I suggest you surrender.

765. If not, I have enough flour

766. packed in this

767. barrel to bake

768. 500 cakes.

769. All right, don't fire.

770. We hereby surrender.

771. Ah, what the hell.

772. Things are finally

773. back to normal.

774. Well, except for the fact

775. that Reese is still missing,

776. Mom and Dad both

777. don't have jobs,

778. and we're

779. $20,000 in debt.

780. It's a letter from Reese.

781. Oh, my God,

782. he's joined the army.

783. "Dear family, I'm fine.

784. "I waited till I was

785. a success to write to you.

786. "I finished basic

787. training at the top

788. "of my class.

789. "My drill sergeant told me

790. I've earned some

791. sort of reward."

792. All right, gentlemen.

793. We've entered

794. Afghani airspace.

795. We expect

796. both hostile

797. and friendly fire.

798. The better you remember

799. your training,

800. the longer you will survive.

801. On your feet!

802. How soon do we land?

803. Well, that's

804. up to you.

805. Remember, pull the green cord

806. before the light green cord.