Malcolm in the Middle 5x1

Directed by Bryan Cranston

Teresa Ganzel as Crystal • David Cassidy as Boone Vincent • Ursula Whittaker as Dream Woman • Darlene Kardon as Gladys • Michael Merton as Joey

When Dewey's pet rabbit does good in a state contest, the family must travel to Las Vegas for the nationals. But Reese unknowingly sells the rabbit to a restaurant. Now it is up to Dewey (with a little help from a "choking" Reese) to try and save the rabbit. Meanwhile, Malcolm tells Hal and Lois that they embarras him, and that is why he didn't tell them he won state science honors. As a form of repayment, Malcolm gets great seats for him and Lois to see Lois' favorite singer. Lois then gets lucky and is invited backstage where all she really wants to do is figure out why Malcolm doesn't want her around. Hal, on the other hand, is looking all across Las Vegas for a slot machine that he has had dreams of winning the jackpot on. Francis is also in trouble when he gets behind on duties at the ranch, and for the first time sees that Otto isn't just a pushover for everything.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Goo-goo-goo-goo.

2. Goo-goo-goo-goo.

3. Look. Your Aunt Felicia

4. sent us two presents

5. for the baby.

6. A ballerina outfit

7. and a football?

8. Well, I guess she's

9. hedging her bets.

10. I mean, Jamie could be

11. a name for either sex.

12. Well, I guess I'll just

13. send this one to Goodwill.

14. Oh, that's ridiculous.

15. The birth announcement clearly

16. said that Jamie's a... Hey.

17. They changed the

18. little dinosaur.

19. That's right. All

20. it takes is one look

21. to see that Jamie

22. is clearly a...

23. Reese! For crying out loud!

24. How can anyone

25. not know what you are?

26. Ooh-ooh.

27. Nice try, mister.

28. Come on, Gordo.

29. One more bite and it's all gone.

30. What are you doing

31. with my rabbit?

32. Just giving him

33. his afternoon bacon.

34. He's too fat.

35. You have to stop

36. feeding him.

37. I'm the one who has to sit

38. through

39. the Junior Farmers' meetings

40. while everyone makes fun of him.

41. Those people

42. are small-minded idiots

43. who have no idea what

44. we're trying to do.

45. What are we trying to do?

46. I don't know.

47. I kind of had this vision

48. of me riding him

49. through town,

50. knocking over cars,

51. but that's probably

52. not realistic.

53. What happened to you?

54. Some idiot forgot

55. to top off the oil

56. in the tractor,

57. and the whole damn engine blew.

58. Well, whose job is that?

59. Mine. I'm telling you,

60. this whole ranch is a disaster.

61. The furnace is clogged.

62. The generator's out of diesel.

63. Even the gate

64. to the cow pen is falling apart.

65. All those things

66. are your responsibility.

67. I don't know what's

68. going on with you lately,

69. but you'd better

70. get it together.

71. Otto's a pretty easygoing boss,

72. but even he has limits.

73. Fire! Fire! Francis, is a fire!

74. What? Where?

75. Right here on your

76. cake. (laughs)

77. God, it's been a year already?

78. As of 9/31.

79. So far, your first

80. three hours of year two

81. are going much better than

82. I ever could have hoped.

83. Ooh!

84. Congratulations.

85. You won the jackpot.

86. Oh, my God, would

87. you look at this?

88. What does Reese do

89. to his underpants?

90. There's not enough money

91. in the world to make me look up.

92. What's this?

93. "Certificate of Achievement

94. for Excellence in Science"?

95. From the state?

96. It's nothing.

97. They hand

98. these out like candy.

99. Don't be so modest.

100. It's wonderful,

101. and I think it proves my point

102. about you

103. not getting that earring.

104. How does that...?

105. Malcolm.

106. Malcolm, I need to talk to you.

107. You read all those

108. science magazines.

109. What can you tell me

110. about the meaning of dreams?

111. Dreams?

112. Well, some people think

113. they express

114. your subconscious wishes...

115. No, no, no, no, no.

116. The other kind of dreams,

117. prophetic ones that

118. predict the future.

119. I had one.

120. About a giant

121. slot machine.

122. That's insane, Dad.

123. Oh, it was so vivid.

124. There, there was this

125. mysterious stain on my shirt

126. an-and a balloon,

127. and then this music

128. and then I hit this

129. gigantic jackpot.

130. It was a sign, son. I know it.

131. It's my destiny.

132. Dad.

133. You have weird dreams

134. all the time.

135. Like the singing trash cans.

136. I never said

137. that was prophetic.

138. I said it was cool.

139. Well?

140. What did they

141. think of Gordo?

142. They called him a monster.

143. Then they called me

144. a crime against nature.

145. Maybe it was the

146. other way around.

147. All I remember is,

148. I was crying.

149. You have to expect

150. this kind of resistance

151. when you're trying to play God.

152. Just wait till we get

153. to the nationals.

154. Then we'll get some respect.

155. We're not going

156. to the nationals!

157. They're all the way

158. in Las Vegas!

159. Las Vegas?

160. What's in Las Vegas?

161. A chance for Reese

162. to make me look

163. like a jerk in front

164. of the entire country.

165. Well, don't you

166. worry, son.

167. We won't

168. miss that.

169. Of course we'll

170. go to Vegas!

171. Did you hear that, Malcolm?

172. This is another sign!

173. All I have to do is cash in

174. our life insurance policy

175. to pay for the trip...

176. Dad, are you sure

177. you want to...?

178. Son, you don't need

179. life insurance

180. when you're a kajillionaire.

181. It doesn't make fiscal sense.

182. Maybe you want

183. to run your plan by Mom first.

184. I will. I will.

185. I just want

186. to be careful about it.

187. But if I explain it

188. in just the right way...

189. A $1,000 bonus from work.

190. Hal, I am so proud of you.

191. Hey, considering

192. the $12 million I saved them

193. with my idea for

194. outsourcing flux capacitors,

195. it was the least they can do.

196. And part of that roast

197. is for you, Malcolm...

198. Mr. State

199. Science Achievement.

200. Yeah, it, it was nothing.

201. Is that what

202. that big ceremony

203. at school was for?

204. Reese!

205. What ceremony?

206. There was a ceremony?

207. Yeah, the mayor

208. was there,

209. and we all

210. got out of school.

211. Stop kicking me!

212. I'll get to the news crew

213. in a second.

214. Malcolm, how

215. could you not

216. tell us about something

217. so important?

218. We're your parents!

219. You're overreacting.

220. It wasn't a big deal.

221. That's not for you to decide!

222. How can you be so selfish?

223. I wasn't being selfish.

224. I just didn't

225. want you there

226. because you em...

227. (slow-motion voice):

228. barrass...

229. (normal voice):

230. Abort! Abort!

231. (slow-motion voice):

232. me.

233. Oh.

234. Okay.

235. At least I know.

236. Give Gordo your fat.

237. Hey, Mom,

238. do you want the rest

239. of my milk shake?

240. It's really good.

241. No, thanks. I'm fine.

242. It's strawberry.

243. I know that's

244. your favorite.

245. I'll take that.

246. Hal, look!

247. Boone Vincent

248. is playing

249. in Las Vegas.

250. Who's Boone Vincent?

251. Your mom's boyfriend.

252. Stop it.

253. You would not believe

254. this jackass, boys.

255. Women go crazy for him.

256. He plays every instrument

257. in the orchestra.

258. He sings

259. in four languages.

260. And you like him

261. just as much as I do!

262. Oh, please,

263. I just said that

264. to get you into bed.

265. That... when, that

266. time you were so sick

267. and you needed

268. your rest.

269. Hey, check it out!

270. Only eight more

271. miles to Vegas!

272. Hey!

273. Hal, look at this place.

274. It's so classy.

275. What's the matter?

276. Never seen an 80-pound

277. rabbit before?

278. Uh-oh.

279. Got a little spit-up.

280. Here...

281. Oh... honey, do you

282. have a little, uh..

283. Oh.

284. Oh, my God! That's the one!

285. Yes! I knew it!

286. Oh, my God, Hal.

287. You won the jackpot!

288. I can't believe it!

289. So, Malcolm?

290. What do you and your science

291. have to say now?

292. We say you're having

293. another dream, Dad.

294. Don't believe him. This is real.

295. I can't hear you, Otto.

296. There's too much static.

297. And yelling won't help.

298. Yes, Otto,

299. I know about the well.

300. I was going to fence it off

301. last week.

302. I just didn't get around to it.

303. Otto, I can't hear you.

304. I will fence off the well

305. as soon as I find it.

306. Aah!

307. Can you hear me now?

308. My God, look

309. at these puny rabbits.

310. What do people do

311. with them?

312. I don't know.

313. Maybe love them

314. and hug them

315. and watch them hop

316. around the backyard,

317. which they can do

318. because their feet

319. can touch the ground.

320. I bet Gordo could fit

321. that one in his mouth.

322. Hey, Mom, I...

323. Did you find

324. your father?

325. No. I-I wasn't...

326. Well, it doesn't matter.

327. I went through his wallet

328. when we passed the state line.

329. Let's see how much damage

330. he can do

331. with $20 and a library card.

332. Okay, look, since you're

333. obviously too caught up

334. in playing the martyr here

335. to even listen to an apology,

336. you've forced me to

337. go out and get these.

338. They're for that stupid

339. Boone Vincent guy.

340. We're going together.

341. Hey, that came out

342. better than I thought.

343. VIP seats?

344. Hi, my name is Dewey

345. and this is my...

346. Good Lord!

347. What have you done

348. to this poor animal?

349. In all my years

350. of judging rabbits,

351. this is the uncutest thing

352. I have ever seen.

353. You should be ashamed

354. of yourself.

355. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

356. Oh, my God! Oh, my...!

357. Help us!

358. We have fallen down a well

359. and we can't get out!

360. If there is anyone up there

361. who is just very shy,

362. do not worry!

363. We are not judgmental!

364. As a matter of fact,

365. when I was a little boy...

366. Otto, please!

367. No one can hear you.

368. This is not productive.

369. Can we just...

370. Can we think for a second?

371. Don't you ever blink?

372. Maybe I blink at the precise

373. moment that you blink!

374. That is ridiculous! How

375. could you possibly know that?

376. Why don't you spend

377. less time worrying

378. about my blinking

379. and more time

380. fencing up wells!

381. Germans hate

382. dying in wells!

383. Fine! If you are so unhappy

384. with the work I do around here,

385. then I quit!

386. Imagine I stormed off!

387. I did.

388. Oh, my God. I can't believe it.

389. We're going to see

390. Boone Vincent.

391. Look at these seats!

392. This is incredible!

393. Another Boone-a-tic, I see.

394. The Bad Boone Rising tour,

395. were you there?

396. I had floor seats when he had

397. his first heart attack.

398. These are my sons.

399. This is Malcolm

400. and this is Jamie.

401. Oh, my Joey is here

402. with me, too.

403. Maybe the boys can sit together.

404. Two apricot sours.

405. Oh!

406. Ladies and gentlemen,

407. prepare yourselves

408. for the voice that is America.

409. It's Boone...!

410. The worst part is,

411. this is my first concert.

412. Those aren't for you!

413. Pass 'em up!

414. Have you ever had a dream

415. that didn't come true?

416. Surprisingly, no.

417. Dewey, where have you been?

418. Hi, Reese. This is Crystal.

419. It turns out we had Gordo

420. in the wrong category.

421. We had him in the pet rabbit

422. competition,

423. when he should have been in

424. the market rabbit competition.

425. I took him over there,

426. and he won first place!

427. What?

428. Some guy named Chez Richard

429. bought him for $1.90 a pound.

430. We made like 150 bucks!

431. Chez Richard?

432. That's the restaurant!

433. How could you do that?

434. They're going to kill him

435. and eat him!

436. Don't you understand?

437. He was my best friend

438. in the whole world!

439. Mine, too.

440. It's all right, sugar.

441. My best friend got killed

442. in a restaurant.

443. You'll get over it eventually.

444. Cry, scream, projectile vomit!

445. Do something to get us

446. out of here!

447. Excuse me. Excuse me.

448. Mr. Vincent appreciates

449. your enthusiasm.

450. He wonders if you'd like

451. to come backstage and meet him.

452. Oh, my...

453. Oh, my God, you get

454. to see the "Booney Bin!"

455. I bet you won't be

456. too embarrassed

457. to tell your friends

458. about this.

459. Okay.

460. I'll cause a distraction.

461. You go in the kitchen

462. and get Gordo.

463. Oh, my God.

464. This boy's choking!

465. You're not doing it

466. hard enough.

467. Ugh!

468. Move, I'm bigger.

469. Ugh!

470. Ow!

471. Once again, we're very sorry

472. about all the trouble we caused.

473. I know there's no way

474. we can make up

475. for the broken tables,

476. or the paramedics,

477. or the fire,

478. or the guy that was really

479. choking that nobody noticed.

480. He touched

481. my shoulder!

482. I can't believe

483. this is actually happening!

484. I can smell

485. his cologne out here!

486. Oh, my God, I'm next.

487. Does my hair look okay?

488. Compared to his?

489. Hello, sweetheart.

490. Thank you for your support.

491. It means

492. so much to me.

493. No, thank you

494. for your music.

495. Especially, um,

496. "Cinnamon Rainbow."

497. That is my

498. all-time favorite.

499. Really?

500. Mine, too,

501. but no one's ever

502. told me that before.

503. Come in.

504. I'm going in.

505. I don't care what I see.

506. Yes, I do.

507. Who am I kidding?

508. You mean he actually said

509. he didn't want you

510. at his awards ceremony?

511. I can handle his being mad

512. at me, but this was...

513. Right to the old love pump.

514. That's how

515. I got to see your show.

516. My son bought tickets

517. to try to make it up to me.

518. That's not an olive branch.

519. That's the whole damn tree.

520. Ah, it's like I say

521. when I'm

522. in the astronaut suit...

523. "I believe the children

524. are our future."

525. I do, too.

526. You can't really take

527. what they say

528. too seriously.

529. They're teenagers.

530. I'll let you in

531. on a little secret, Lois...

532. Even my 14-year-old

533. is embarrassed by me.

534. No.

535. I know.

536. Hard to believe, isn't it?

537. But you can't hold

538. onto the past, Lois.

539. You've got to live

540. in the here and now.

541. Because

542. the here and now

543. is a special, special gift.

544. That's why I call it...

545. the present.

546. Otto.

547. Oh, are you still here?

548. I thought you quit.

549. You were right.

550. This is my fault.

551. For some reason,

552. I've been sabotaging

553. everything lately.

554. Knowing that I've

555. been here for a year,

556. it's like people

557. are depending on me now.

558. And I know that at some point,

559. I'm going to let them down.

560. Don't be ridiculous.

561. No one...

562. expects you

563. to be perfect.

564. If I wanted

565. perfection

566. I would have hired

567. a robot or a Swede,

568. but I hired you, Francis,

569. because you're smart,

570. you're a hard worker,

571. and when you make

572. a mistake, you fix it.

573. If falling down a well

574. every once in a while

575. is the price I must pay

576. to have you, so be it.

577. Thanks, Otto.

578. There you are!

579. Thank God!

580. How did you find us?

581. We just followed

582. the fire.

583. What fire?

584. One of the cows got through

585. the gate you didn't fix.

586. And it knocked over

587. one of the heat lamps

588. you never took in.

589. Which set fire to

590. the trail of gasoline

591. from the open can

592. in the back of your truck.

593. Which, by the way,

594. also is on fire.

595. Ah, you see, Francis?

596. You thought you

597. were a screwup.

598. 90,000 slot machines

599. and not one of them right.

600. I am never trusting

601. a prophetic dream again.

602. Thanks again, Malcolm.

603. Don't tell your father,

604. but meeting Boone Vincent

605. actually made my knees...

606. Aah! No-no-no-no-no-no...

607. Hal! What the...?

608. I found you!

609. It's all here!

610. Would you like a free pull, sir?

611. Yes, I would.

612. Oh!

613. I knew it!

614. Hal, what is

615. the matter?

616. It's fate, Lois!

617. I knew this would happen!

618. I couldn't

619. tell you because

620. I knew you would be

621. too closed-minded.

622. I cashed in our life insurance

623. for this,

624. but it all paid off!

625. We are rich!

626. You did what?

627. Congratulations, sir.

628. What's this?

629. It's a coupon

630. for a two-night stay

631. at the Carson City

632. Breezeway Motel.

633. All you have

634. to do is listen

635. to a four-hour

636. presentation

637. about a wonderful

638. time-share opportunity.

639. Do they have slot machines

640. in Carson City?

641. Come on, Gordo.

642. You have to eat

643. the pellets.

644. You can't have any

645. fattening food anymore.

646. Please, Gordo, you've got

647. to try one...

648. Ow!

649. I cut my finger.

650. He's eating.

651. I think he likes

652. your blood.

653. Okay, if I black out,

654. pull my finger out of his mouth.

655. So, ten hours

656. of stony silence?

657. I may have some thoughts

658. I feel like sharing.

659. I'll let you know.

660. Well, this trip

661. wasn't a total loss.

662. At least I...

663. It was a total loss.

664. The good news is,

665. the survival mechanism

666. in my brain is kicking in.

667. I'm already starting

668. to block out

669. what happened this weekend.