1. What...?
Copy !req
2. Those kids!
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3. Not my Frampton Comes Alive.
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4. Ha-oh...!
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5. "Honest, Dad, we didn't even
know you had a watch."
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6. Thank God they paved
the driveway last year.
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7. Jury Duty?
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8. They want me to do jury duty?
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9. I can't believe this.
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10. You can't do it.
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11. You simply can't do it.
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12. Spring break is coming up.
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13. The boys are going
to be out of school.
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14. I can't be expected
to handle them by myself.
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15. I'm sorry, you're
just going to have
to tell them no!
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16. That's not one of the options,
Hal.
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17. What are they thinking
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18. forcing someone
to sit on a jury?
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19. This is America!
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20. I don't have a choice.
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21. Oh... yes, you do.
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22. You want to get out
of jury duty?
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23. You just let me handle this.
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24. We, the jury,
promise to faithfully uphold...
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25. This is going to be great.
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26. I've never been
ice fishing before.
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27. It combines
my two favorite things in life:
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28. ice and holes.
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29. Just a bunch of guys
roughing it.
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30. A true test of courage
and determination.
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31. Man against the elements.
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32. No crust on mine, please
and thank you.
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33. I hope you guys packed
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34. enough toilet paper
for fo people.
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35. You're kidding me.
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36. How'd you get Piama to
give you permission?
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37. I don't need
my wife's permission.
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38. I baited her into a fight,
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39. and she kicked me out
for a couple days.
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40. Oh, my God, Dewey.
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41. You're not going
to believe what just happened.
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42. Where were you?
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43. We were supposed to go exploring
in the sewer!
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44. I waited two hours for you!
Dewey,
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45. you're not listening.
This is incredible.
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46. But you promised!
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47. You said that when spring break
started you would take me.
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48. I did all your chores,
I did all your homework,
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49. I took your antibiotics
for you, I put...
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50. Dewey, just shut up.
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51. We're trying to tell you
something important.
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52. We just saw
Stevie's mom naked.
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53. And she's a total babe.
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54. It was amazing.
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55. We were over at Stevie's
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56. getting stuff for the sewer
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57. when all of a sudden,
we hear something behind us.
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58. We turn around
and there she was.
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59. In the hallway. Naked!
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60. Buck-naked— except
for her shower cap.
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61. It was crazy.
First she was screaming,
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62. then Stevie was screaming,
then I was screaming...
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63. Yeah, why'd I do that?
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64. And then she tore the curtains
off the wall to cover up.
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65. But you could still
see right through
the curtains.
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66. I'm so glad they
just remodeled.
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67. That is not a good reason!
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68. Mom walks around here naked
all the time!
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69. She was naked this morning.
She was naked in the...
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70. Dewey... if you just combined
those two things in my head
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71. I will kill you!
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72. No, we're good.
Copy !req
73. So, anyway,
she was crawling
down the hall...
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74. Hal, I've got to get going.
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75. Where are the boys?
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76. They went to the library.
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77. I know, I know.
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78. But if they were doing something
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79. really dangerous,
they'd have come up
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80. with a better lie.
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81. So...
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82. deliberations start today.
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83. Nervous?
Nice try, Hal.
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84. You know I can't talk
about the trial.
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85. Okay. Okay.
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86. So, is the councilman as tall
as he seems to be on TV?
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87. Hal...
I knew it!
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88. Your eyebrow went up.
It did not.
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89. It's the panty bandit,
isn't it?
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90. This isn't right, Lois.
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91. We're married.
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92. We tell each other everything.
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93. We've never kept
secrets from each other
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94. in our entire relationship.
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95. What are you talking about?
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96. I keep secrets from you
all the time.
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97. Oh, fine, go!
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98. Don't want to keep you
from your big secret trial.
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99. Thank you very much.
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100. For what?
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101. Oh, nothing.
Nothing at all.
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102. You didn't say a word.
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103. This sucks.
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104. We've been here 15 hours.
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105. We haven't caught a single fish.
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106. How much longer
is this going to take?
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107. You never know.
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108. I've been ice fishing
my entire life.
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109. Never even seen a fish.
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110. I'm with Francis.
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111. I got bored
on the drive down here.
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112. Can we at least
talk about something?
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113. About what?
I don't know.
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114. We could use this opportunity
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115. to get to know each other
a little better.
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116. You know, one time I walked in
on my two dads making love.
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117. Guilty.
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118. Not guilty.
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119. And... guilty.
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120. That's seven guilty
and five not guilty.
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121. So, I guess the point
of contention for those of you
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122. who don't think that Marty did
steal the motorcycle...
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123. Look, if it'll get us
out of here earlier,
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124. I don't mind
changing my vote.
What?
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125. I don't feel that
strongly either way.
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126. Yeah, me, too.
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127. Which side was winning again?
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128. This is not a question
of winning.
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129. And I don't think
we should be voting
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130. whichever way gets us out
of here the fasted.
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131. Well, we have to have
some basis for deciding.
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132. There was a trial.
And evidence.
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133. And laws.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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134. Let's just vote one more time
Copy !req
135. before we, you know
get into all that detail.
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136. We might just get lucky.
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137. Do the five people
who voted not guilty
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138. want to change their votes?
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139. Me.
Guilty.
Whatever.
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140. There you go.
It's unanimous.
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141. Wait. Wait!
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142. What do you think you're doing?
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143. You can't send
a 17-year-old kid to jail
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144. just because you want
to go home early.
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145. For God's sake, we took an oath!
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146. Lady, did you vote guilty?
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147. Yes, because...
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148. Then there's no problem.
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149. We're all just agreeing
with you.
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150. Let's go.
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151. Fine.
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152. Then I vote not guilty.
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153. This is cool.
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154. There's no alligators
down here, right?
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155. No, that's just made up.
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156. But if there were,
it'd probably be blind.
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157. Or albino.
Or transparent!
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158. But that's not real.
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159. This is so cool.
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160. He hasn't shut up all morning.
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161. I mean, I was just as excited
the first time Francis took us.
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162. It's actually kind of cute.
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163. Did you get the snake?
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164. Right here.
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165. They'll be able
to hear him screaming in Russia.
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166. Dude, finish your story.
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167. Oh, right. So, then, we noticed
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168. she was standing there...
buck-naked.
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169. And then I went like this...
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170. And then Malcolm
was like this...
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171. It was incredible.
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172. The sun
was coming through
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173. the window behind her.
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174. It looked like
she was glowing.
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175. A naked, glowing angel.
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176. Hey, Stevie,
back me up on this.
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177. That's what she
looked like, right?
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178. Can we go now?
I get the lead.
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179. No, rear.
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180. No, wait, front.
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181. I'll scout ahead.
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182. What?
You're talking
about his mom.
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183. Change the subject.
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184. Show some class.
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185. Oh, okay, I get it.
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186. Whoo, Stevie, is that you
or the sewer?
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187. It turns out it wasn't
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188. a boil they removed
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189. but the vestiges
of my unborn twin.
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190. Okay, let's just go.
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191. Yeah.
That sounds good.
Good idea.
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192. Best idea I've
heard all day.
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193. Okay, here's something
interesting.
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194. There's a gigantic bear
out there.
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195. Don't worry
about it.
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196. There are grizzlies
all over.
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197. Just part of living in Alaska.
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198. How far away is it?
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199. Well...
answer the question.
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200. Uh, it's open.
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201. "The body was found..."
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202. I thought we were having
lunch today.
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203. What? Oh, I'm sorry.
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204. I...
What's all this?
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205. Uh, just some
research I'm doing
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206. on the trial Lois
got assigned to.
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207. My God. The Reyes case?
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208. Did she say anything about
the four-fingered magician?
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209. Was he any good?
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210. She won't tell me anything.
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211. I had to dig all
this stuff up on my own.
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212. Half the information is being
suppressed from the jury.
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213. Now Lois will have
to find Monahan guilty.
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214. Why wouldn't she?
He did it.
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215. Oh, you're a fool.
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216. Everyone knows that
the wife killed him.
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217. What are you talking about?
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218. She loved him.
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219. Didn't you read the letter?
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220. If she was so innocent,
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221. how come she didn't admit
to being married before?
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222. Because she was underage
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223. and it was annulled
a week later.
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224. It means absolutely nothing.
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225. The judge already ruled that
inadmissible.
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226. This is the same judge
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227. that wouldn't allow the
cabdriver to testify!
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228. Well... if the wife did it,
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229. why did four witnesses say they
saw a man leave the crime scene?
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230. Oh. You mean a man...
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231. like this.
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232. You just drew hair on!
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233. And if I could do it,
she could do it.
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234. Did you know that she
spent two years working
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235. at the Windmill Dinner Theater?
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236. Let me see that.
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237. Okay, here's our mark.
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238. When we came down here
with Francis,
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239. this is the farthest
we've ever gone.
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240. This is it?
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241. This is as far
as you went?
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242. Who would brag
about this?
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243. Mr. Alligator?
Copy !req
244. So, Stevie, did your mom
go to college?
Copy !req
245. What?
You know.
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246. Did she get a degree
or something?
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247. I'll bet she was
in a sorority.
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248. Wait a minute.
Unless we thought some girl
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249. named Molly Hatchet ruled,
this isn't our mark.
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250. No, this has to be it.
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251. We went right, right,
straight, left, right, left,
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252. straight,
and right again.
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253. No. We went right,
left, left,
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254. then straight,
left, right, straight.
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255. No, we went... right... left...
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256. straight...
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257. Oh, man, we're lost!
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258. What? No!
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259. Oh, man, what are we going
to do?
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260. Nice. We'll get him crying
and then pants him.
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261. No, we really are lost.
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262. What? What are we going to do?
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263. I knew it.
I knew you were going to find
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264. some way to ruin this
for me.
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265. Even when
you're trying
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266. to be nice,
you make me miserable.
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267. And now, I get to die
in the sewer.
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268. A perfect end
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269. to a crappy life!
Copy !req
270. Shut up, Dewey.
All right.
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271. Let's just focus
on finding a way out of here.
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272. Stevie's mom must be worried
about him.
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273. Shut up...
about... my mom!
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274. What? I simply made a comment.
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275. You're... a perv.
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276. I can't help it
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277. if I have a healthy interest
in the opposite sex.
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278. Well... they don't... return...
the favor.
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279. What does that mean?
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280. Girls... hate you.
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281. That's not true.
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282. Yes, it is.
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283. Come on, Reese,
you're a joke.
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284. Yeah, even
I know it.
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285. So, Marty claims
he was at work,
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286. but his boss says
he didn't show up until 6:00.
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287. Now, we've got the attendant
at the gas station
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288. who puts Marty's whereabouts
there between 4:00 and 4:30.
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289. And as we all remember
from the testimony...
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290. Can we vote again?
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291. What's the use?
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292. We've been through this
five times.
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293. We vote guilty,
she votes not guilty.
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294. We vote not guilty,
she votes guilty.
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295. Yeah. So, you go first
this time.
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296. All right. I abstain.
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297. What is it that you want, lady?
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298. I want you to do your job.
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299. I want you to weigh
the facts
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300. of this case
and make a reasoned decision.
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301. You have got the sworn testimony
of the arresting police officer
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302. in which he clearly states...
Yeah,
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303. if you believe
what he says.
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304. Okay. That's fair enough.
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305. It is a question of credibility.
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306. On one hand you have
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307. a 17-year-old
high school dropout
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308. with a history
of reckless behavior.
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309. And on the other,
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310. you have a 20-year veteran
of the police force.
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311. Well, you sure as hell
can't trust the cops.
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312. They're always coming up
with ways to get you.
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313. That's right.
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314. My neighbor's a cop
and he's got
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315. a 30-foot boat
in his front yard.
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316. Now, how can he
afford a 30-foot boat
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317. on a policeman's salary?
Copy !req
318. Cops are always getting
away with stuff like that.
Copy !req
319. And start now, I'll tell ya,
when I was a kid...
Copy !req
320. Stop.
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321. This is not about how you feel
about cops.
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322. This is not about who you like
and who you hate.
Copy !req
323. This is about
what you believe happened
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324. based on the facts of the trial.
Copy !req
325. Did Marty, or did Marty not,
in fact, steal the motorcycle?
Copy !req
326. Wait... I thought
Copy !req
327. Marty was the cop.
Yeah.
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328. Yeah, that's what I thought.
Copy !req
329. Fine.
Let's go through this again.
Copy !req
330. Yes?
Copy !req
331. Is it okay to hate you?
Copy !req
332. Absolutely.
Copy !req
333. But the money
was really being funneled
Copy !req
334. to Mr. Reyes' mistress
and their love child.
Copy !req
335. Once Monahan found out,
it was "Good night, Mr. Reyes."
Copy !req
336. You've got nothing.
Copy !req
337. There were witnesses who saw him
argue with the victim.
Copy !req
338. He can't account
for his whereabouts
Copy !req
339. when the murder occurred
Copy !req
340. and they found the murder weapon
in his car.
Copy !req
341. Means, motive and opportunity.
Copy !req
342. It's all a little too neat.
Copy !req
343. Because he's guilty.
Copy !req
344. My gut says the partner
didn't do it.
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345. Just saying so
doesn't make it so.
Copy !req
346. Talk to this guy.
Copy !req
347. You're an idiot.
Copy !req
348. Oh, my God, that
thing's a monster.
Copy !req
349. Calm down, I've been
around bears for 40 years.
Copy !req
350. There's nothing
to worry about.
Copy !req
351. Really?
Yup.
Copy !req
352. All we've got to do
is stay real quiet.
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353. Pretty soon he'll get
bored and fly away.
Copy !req
354. That is unless he's
protecting his eggs.
Copy !req
355. This is crazy.
Copy !req
356. We can't stay here.
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357. Somebody's got to make
a run for the truck
Copy !req
358. and go get help.
Copy !req
359. That's a suicide mission.
Copy !req
360. The bear will run down
anyone that goes out there.
Copy !req
361. Well, what are we
supposed to do?
Copy !req
362. We can't stay here
and starve to death.
Copy !req
363. He's right.
Copy !req
364. I say we try it.
Copy !req
365. I vote for Eric.
Copy !req
366. What?
Go to hell.
Copy !req
367. I'm not going out there.
Copy !req
368. You go out there.
Copy !req
369. Hey, I have a wife at home
to take care of.
Copy !req
370. Oh, and my life
doesn't mean anything?
Copy !req
371. How about Artie?
Copy !req
372. He's the camp outcast.
Copy !req
373. Big deal.
Copy !req
374. Pete's just a
toothless old coot.
Copy !req
375. It's a miracle he's
lived this long.
Copy !req
376. I should have slit your throat
when I had the chance.
Copy !req
377. This all looks...
Copy !req
378. the same.
Copy !req
379. Yes, this
is the same.
Copy !req
380. It's all been
exactly the same
Copy !req
381. ever since the
day I was born.
Copy !req
382. I start to
trust them.
Copy !req
383. They make me
regret it.
Copy !req
384. I get
my hopes up
Copy !req
385. and then they
destroy them.
Copy !req
386. Shut up. We get it.
Copy !req
387. Every girlfriend you ever had
left you crying like a baby.
Copy !req
388. What?
Copy !req
389. Oh, who's
Mr. Big Shot, now?
Copy !req
390. I'm a joke with
the girls, huh?
Copy !req
391. Well, what's worse—
Copy !req
392. being a joke, or
being a crybaby?
Copy !req
393. I wasn't crying
that hard.
Copy !req
394. You wet...
Copy !req
395. your pants.
Copy !req
396. Oh, like you've ever
even been with a girl.
Copy !req
397. I have...
Copy !req
398. a note...
Copy !req
399. from my doctor.
Copy !req
400. I could get a doctor
if I wanted to.
Copy !req
401. That doesn't even
make sense.
Copy !req
402. That's right.
Copy !req
403. Turn on
each other.
Copy !req
404. Well, you know what?
Copy !req
405. No girls like
Copy !req
406. any of you.
Copy !req
407. And I don't
blame them.
Copy !req
408. You're all
pathetic.
Copy !req
409. You know
who's a joke?
Copy !req
410. Girls.
Yeah.
Copy !req
411. Why do we even like them?
Copy !req
412. They make our lives miserable.
Copy !req
413. You can never understand
what they want.
Copy !req
414. They're always saying,
"Stop staring at me."
Copy !req
415. And they don't
laugh at farts.
Copy !req
416. They only want to
talk about clothes.
Copy !req
417. They cry...
Copy !req
418. all the time.
Copy !req
419. Yeah,
this is helping us get out.
Copy !req
420. Time! Time!
Time!
Copy !req
421. Eleven minutes.
Copy !req
422. Ha!
Copy !req
423. In your face!
Copy !req
424. See, the wife did have time
to run down here from home.
Copy !req
425. That leaves her two minutes
to stab him, remove the head
Copy !req
426. and still make it
to the party in time.
Copy !req
427. It all makes sense.
Copy !req
428. Oh, and the blood
just magically jumped
Copy !req
429. from the wife's clothes
to Monahan.
Copy !req
430. Do you really need this
spelled out for you?
Copy !req
431. After killing
her husband,
Copy !req
432. she ran back, took off
the bloody suit
Copy !req
433. and rubbed it all over
the unconscious Monahan.
Copy !req
434. Impossible.
Copy !req
435. You just don't want
to be proven wrong.
Copy !req
436. I am not wrong.
Copy !req
437. The knife entered
at a downward angle.
Copy !req
438. She was 5'2's he was 6'4".
Copy !req
439. She'd have had to ask
him to pick her up
Copy !req
440. so she could stab him.
Copy !req
441. She could have stood
on something.
Copy !req
442. Oh, so she brought a stepladder
with her to the alley.
Copy !req
443. Look, right here
is a milk crate.
Copy !req
444. She could have hidden
behind the Dumpster,
Copy !req
445. stood on the milk crate,
pulled out the knife
Copy !req
446. and stabbed him
several times
Copy !req
447. with a downward
motion like this.
Copy !req
448. I may be fat, stupid,
Copy !req
449. colorblind
and dyslexic
Copy !req
450. but at least I don't
have three nipples.
Copy !req
451. You shut your trap.
That's a mole.
Copy !req
452. And you.
Copy !req
453. Your family
changed their name
Copy !req
454. so you couldn't
track them down.
Copy !req
455. No one will
miss you.
Copy !req
456. I'm pretty sure
it started with an "O."
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457. All three of you are
useless, pea-brained idiots.
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458. And for your information,
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459. I do suffer more
than everybody else.
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460. This is ridiculous.
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461. Let's just vote on it.
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462. Who votes for Francis?
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463. Who votes for Eric?
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464. Artie?
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465. Pete?
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466. Four votes,
the hut has spoken.
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467. No, you tricked me.
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468. No, no...
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469. He'll reject me.
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470. I've tried me.
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471. I taste awful.
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472. All right,
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473. that's the worst thing
any of us has ever done.
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474. I'm not proud of it,
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475. but I really don't think
we had a choice.
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476. Like I care about your
opinion on anything.
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477. Wait a minute.
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478. Why don't we hear eating?
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479. He got to the truck.
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480. Pete!
Pete!
Pete!
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481. See you back-stabbing
sons of bitches in hell!
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482. So the witness saw Marty
gassing up the motorcycle
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483. a half an hour after the owner
said it went missing.
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484. But doesn't that gas station
close at 5:00?
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485. Not on Fridays.
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486. She pointed that out
in the transcript.
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487. Uh, I think we're ready
for another vote.
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488. Lois?
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489. Go ahead.
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490. By a show of hands, who thinks
the defendant is guilty?
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491. Great.
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492. Let's go tell the judge.
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493. Wait.
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494. I don't think Marty is guilty.
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495. What?
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496. I went through all these papers
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497. and it says the kid sings
in a church choir.
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498. I just don't feel
a churchgoing boy
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499. would do something like this.
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500. That is not fact.
That's bias.
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501. You are basing a decision on
feelings that have nothing to do
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502. with facts.
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503. Facts are things.
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504. Like witnesses seeing
Marty steal the bike.
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505. Like Marty being apprehended
while he was
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506. driving the stolen bike.
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507. Like Marty pulling
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508. tons of stupid stunts
just like this one.
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509. Those are the facts.
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510. I just don't want to send
that poor boy to jail.
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511. Oh, believe me, jail is going
to do a lot more good
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512. than three years
of military school ever did.
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513. Military school?
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514. I didn't read anything
about military school.
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515. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
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516. I know I saw that somewhere.
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517. I don't think so.
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518. Didn't he drop out
of vocational school?
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519. That's right, after
he transferred from
the private school
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520. where he got caught messing
around with the teacher's aide.
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521. I-I...
You don't understand.
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522. I know for a fact
that Francis went...
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523. Who?
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524. Oh, my God.
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525. I think I have
to excuse myself from this jury.
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526. All in favor.
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527. I'm trying to be
the best me I can be.
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528. But I don't know
what to say to girls
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529. so I just say
something mean.
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530. I guess
I'm afraid of getting hurt
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531. so I hurt them first.
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532. I think my problem is
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533. I get so frustrated
over the things I can't control.
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534. I forget that they're people
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535. with their own will
and their own needs.
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536. I play...
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537. mind games.
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538. It's all...
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539. I have.
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540. Why isn't there ever a
flash flood when you need one?
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541. I really want
a girlfriend.
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542. I want someone
to hang out with.
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543. That's what
I really want.
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544. Yeah, someone you can talk to.
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545. Someone...
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546. to hug.
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547. Someone to show my poetry to.
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548. You write...
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549. poetry?
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550. I dabble.
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551. What to you guys
think about Brenda Pawlak?
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552. She's really nice.
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553. I think she'd
be good for you.
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554. You'd make...
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555. a cute couple.
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556. I thought so, too.
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557. Hey, I know this sounds weird,
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558. but can I read you
something I wrote?
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559. We'd love it.
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560. Hey.
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561. Hey.
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562. What happened?
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563. Did you read them
your poetry?
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564. You guys
couldn't even do this right.
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565. I really want to serve
on another jury.
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566. I know, I messed up
this time,
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567. but the next time
I will do it right.
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568. I'm not responsible
for scheduling that.
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569. I'm sure you
have connections.
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570. Please, I just need
another chance.
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571. Seems there was some
kind of mistrial earlier.
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572. Now everything's backed up.
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573. You're going
to have to wait.
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574. I'll do the best I can
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575. if you promise to stop
bothering me right now.
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576. Deal.
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577. I got to go.
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578. My husband's probably
going crazy without me.
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