1. Everybody up!
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2. Let's go! Let's go!
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3. I got to do laundry before work!
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4. I am taking breakfast
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5. off the table
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6. in five minutes!
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7. I know this kid...
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8. his mom wakes him up
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9. with a kiss on the forehead.
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10. Okay, I've been up
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11. for half an hour.
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12. I've had my cereal.
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13. It's time for Mom to ask
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14. the same annoying question
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15. she asks me every morning.
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16. So, Malcolm,
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17. what are you doing
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18. in your genius
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19. class today?
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20. Nothing. It's just
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21. as dumb and boring
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22. as being in regular class,
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23. except now I get ostracized.
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24. Ostracized? Oh, you're
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25. learning such big words.
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26. Hey.
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27. They want to know what I think
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28. about caller I.D. blocking.
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29. Do I think about that?
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30. Oh!
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31. What?
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32. Nothing. Just a sharp Cheerio.
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33. Oh!
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34. Ha! $210!
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35. Look at all the calls
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36. that Francis is charging to us.
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37. 60 minutes. Oh!
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38. Oh, 80 minutes—
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39. and every one
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40. of these calls is to Beebee.
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41. $210 on Beebee!
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42. I know. Now, honey,
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43. just try to understand,
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44. all right?
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45. He's-he's off in Alabama.
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46. He's all by himself
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47. at military school.
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48. He's lonely, so... so he calls
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49. his little girlfriend.
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50. She's a tramp.
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51. No one's saying
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52. she's not a tramp.
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53. I thought you changed
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54. our code number.
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55. I have, three times.
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56. I-I don't know
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57. how he's getting it.
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58. 65519.
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59. That'll be good till
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60. the bill comes on the 15th.
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61. Thanks, man.
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62. You are a good brother.
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63. I was taking money
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64. out of her wallet anyway.
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65. He is doing this
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66. just to upset me.
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67. Oh, come on, Lois.
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68. He's 16
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69. and thinks he's in love.
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70. What are you going to do?
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71. Oh, man, never ask her that.
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72. Beebee, you can't imagine
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73. how much I miss you.
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74. It is like a white-hot fire
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75. burning in my chest.
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76. The only thing
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77. that keeps me going
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78. is just the thought
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79. of holding you
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80. and stroking your hair
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81. and being with you
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82. in a perfect, golden moment.
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83. Oh, yeah.
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84. I'm totally the same way.
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85. Oh, I'm just so...
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86. Are you watching Buffy?
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87. I can do both.
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88. You know, I think of things,
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89. too, like...
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90. no, it's too embarrassing.
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91. Tell me.
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92. It's not the kind of thing
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93. you can say over the phone.
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94. It's something
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95. I'd have to show you.
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96. Beebee, I think
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97. it would be better
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98. if you told me
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99. and then you showed me.
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100. Stanley, what are you doing?
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101. That was Beebee!
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102. Sorry, man.
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103. Commandant says
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104. your phone privileges
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105. have been revoked
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106. for a month.
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107. Your mom complained
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108. about the bills.
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109. Okay, let me just tell her...
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110. Francis, do you remember
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111. the thumb thing?
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112. The one you did to my thumb
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113. or the one you did
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114. with your thumb?
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115. Hello.
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116. Malcolm! Thank God.
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117. Look, I don't have any more
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118. quarters, so just listen.
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119. I need you
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120. to swipe Mom's credit card
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121. and I need you
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122. to buy me a cell phone.
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123. Now, what you want to get is
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124. the unlimited off-peak plan,
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125. and then FedEx it to me.
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126. Francis, no. I can't do that.
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127. What?
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128. Dude, don't bail on me.
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129. I'm sorry, but Mom
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130. is totally on the warpath
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131. about the phone calls.
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132. Her radar is up. I can't do
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133. anything.
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134. Seriously, you just got
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135. to find a way to live
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136. without calling Beebee
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137. all the time.
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138. Hello?
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139. Hello?
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140. He understands, right?
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141. Dearest Beebee, something
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142. wonderful has happened.
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143. The pain and confusion
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144. of the last few months
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145. has disappeared,
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146. replaced by a single
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147. glorious purpose.
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148. From the ashes of the old
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149. Francis rises a new man,
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150. filled with boldness
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151. and determination.
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152. I fly to you on angel's wings,
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153. knowing I follow
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154. the mandate of my heart.
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155. Every night
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156. for the past two weeks,
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157. he thinks there's a monster
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158. under the bed.
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159. It seemed so funny
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160. when we thought of it.
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161. Oh, sweetie, not again.
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162. The monster!
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163. It tried to suck
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164. my brain out!
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165. All right, I have had it.
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166. You two are banned
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167. from Nintendo.
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168. Okay.
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169. We're already banned
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170. from Nintendo.
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171. The sad thing is he thinks
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172. he just outsmarted her.
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173. All right, fine.
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174. Pillows.
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175. What?
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176. That's right.
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177. I'm taking your pillows.
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178. Come on, come on, hand 'em over.
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179. And I'm not getting up again.
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180. If that monster wants
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181. to suck out your brain,
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182. you just let him take it
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183. and you go back to sleep.
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184. I love you.
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185. I love you.
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186. I love you.
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187. I love you.
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188. Hello?
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189. Don't scream.
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190. It's me.
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191. Francis!
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192. Way to go, dipwad.
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193. You got me in the nards.
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194. Francis, what are you
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195. doing here?
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196. I'm taking control
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197. of my own destiny.
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198. I'm just here to pick up
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199. Beebee, and then we're
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200. going to head off for Canada.
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201. You're going to visit Grandma?
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202. No, a different part of Canada.
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203. Someplace wild where people
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204. don't have to destroy love
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205. just 'cause they don't
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206. understand it.
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207. You just ran away from school?
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208. Mom's really going
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209. to kill you now.
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210. No, she won't,
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211. because she won't know.
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212. Malcolm, you can't
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213. tell anybody.
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214. I'm placing my life
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215. in your hands here.
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216. Did you roll around
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217. in something?
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218. You'll get used to it.
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219. Look, I need you
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220. to get Beebee
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221. to come see me
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222. tonight, okay?
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223. Give her this.
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224. Let it air out
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225. for a while first.
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226. Try to get me some food,
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227. 'cause I haven't eaten
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228. in, like, 36 hours.
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229. Francis, this sounds kind
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230. of drastic, even for you.
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231. Malcolm, I do not have
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232. time for doubt!
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233. The die has been cast,
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234. my future is set.
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235. Now, there's one
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236. question in my mind:
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237. can I trust you?
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238. But...
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239. Can I trust you?
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240. Yes.
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241. Yeah, definitely.
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242. I'll toss my lunch bag
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243. over the fence before school.
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244. Oh!
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245. Mmm!
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246. Can I have some?
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247. Can't.
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248. It's a...
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249. prescription... sandwich.
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250. "Prescription sandwich"?
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251. Stevie, that's not
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252. even a good lie.
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253. If you don't want to
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254. share, just say so.
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255. Don't want...
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256. to share.
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257. Let's play
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258. Ironside.
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259. I'll be... Ironside.
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260. I don't want to play
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261. stupid Ironside.
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262. What's your... problem?
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263. It's my brother Francis.
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264. He escaped from
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265. military school
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266. and hitchhiked
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267. all the way here.
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268. And he's all scraped up and
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269. smelly and hungry and dirty,
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270. and now he's hiding
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271. out at the creek.
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272. If my parents catch
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273. him, he's dead.
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274. He's talking like
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275. he's crazy.
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276. I don't know what to do.
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277. Squeal.
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278. What?
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279. Squeal.
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280. Rat him out.
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281. I can't do that.
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282. He's my brother.
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283. I promised him.
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284. I can't tell anybody.
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285. You told... me.
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286. Yeah, but by the time
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287. you tell anyone,
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288. he'll be a thousand
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289. miles from here.
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290. Tou... ché.
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291. Beebee?
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292. What?
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293. Oh, you're, uh, that kid.
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294. My name's Malcolm.
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295. I'm Francis's brother.
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296. You met me, like,
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297. ten times.
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298. Yeah, you're the freaky
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299. little brain, right?
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300. Just be cool.
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301. What do you want?
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302. Here.
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303. Francis is back home.
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304. Well, he's not home.
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305. He's hiding.
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306. Huh. Three pages?
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307. Both sides.
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308. He loves to make me read.
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309. What's that word?
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310. "Consummate."
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311. It means he likes you.
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312. Oh.
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313. "Assignation,
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314. rendezvous, tryst"?
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315. How the hell is anyone supposed
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316. to know what he's talking about?
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317. Beebee, just meet him at
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318. the creek at 7:30, okay?
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319. See? You can say it in English,
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320. and you're, like, ten.
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321. What are you doing?
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322. I'm wearing a tank top.
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323. Beebee, I don't...
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324. Don't think.
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325. Just walk. Go.
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326. The worst part is, I think
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327. I'm stealing panty liners.
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328. Gosh, I had such
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329. a good day at work today.
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330. I got to work
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331. the cash-only line
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332. for the first time
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333. in a month,
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334. and my register
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335. came out to the penny.
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336. Plus, that creepy new
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337. assistant manager
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338. sliced his hand open
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339. with a box cutter.
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340. Spent the whole afternoon
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341. in the emergency room.
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342. Here's to him.
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343. Honey, this chicken
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344. is absolutely delicious.
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345. Oh, well, it's a little recipe
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346. I came up with.
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347. It's Shake n' Bake—
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348. but for pork.
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349. How about that?
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350. That's one for the recipe box.
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351. Let's call it, uh, "chork."
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352. All in favor?
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353. No one for "picken"?
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354. Chork it is.
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355. Brava.
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356. Oh, cut it out.
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357. You big talker.
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358. Will this make me
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359. taste better to the monsters?
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360. Sure it will, son.
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361. Get out of here!
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362. You're not eating it.
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363. You haven't had a bite in
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364. two minutes, I counted.
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365. I'm saving it.
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366. There is no saving.
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367. Malcolm, he's right.
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368. The rule is: no saving.
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369. Oh, yeah, I care.
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370. Cut it out!
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371. Come on, it's mine.
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372. Get out of here!
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373. No!
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374. Give it back!
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375. Boys, boys, stop it.
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376. You're going get
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377. your mother out of...
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378. uh, you're going to ruin
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379. her nice day.
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380. Francis did what?
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381. Another night in the chat room.
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382. That kid! That kid!
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383. He thinks he can just
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384. run away from school
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385. like some-some kind
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386. of escaped convict?
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387. Well, if he thinks
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388. he can just vanish
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389. in the night
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390. and I won't find him,
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391. well, he is sadly mistaken.
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392. Lois, you just calm down.
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393. There's nothing
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394. we can do right now.
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395. Yes, there is.
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396. I can call the police.
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397. No, they're not going
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398. to look for anybody
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399. unless they've been missing
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400. for 48 hours.
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401. Not if I say he has
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402. drugs on him.
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403. Lois, stop it.
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404. Now, you're just going
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405. to have to accept the fact
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406. that for now, this is
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407. beyond your control.
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408. Francis is going to have
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409. to sink or swim on his own,
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410. and frankly, I don't think
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411. that's such a bad thing.
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412. And in the meantime, we just
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413. have to leave it up to fate.
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414. Oh. "Fate."
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415. "Fate" is just what you call it
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416. when you don't know the name
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417. of the person
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418. screwing you over!
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419. Mom, I'm sure he's okay.
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420. Uh-oh, tactical error.
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421. Why do you think he's okay, son?
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422. Because...
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423. he's always okay.
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424. Malcolm,
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425. this is a very serious
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426. situation here,
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427. and, well, I know you love
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428. Francis as much as we do,
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429. so if you have
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430. any idea...
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431. Oh, for God's sake!
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432. Where is he?
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433. He came here to see Beebee!
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434. He's meeting her tonight!
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435. Oh, my God,
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436. how'd she do that?
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437. I knew it.
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438. When did you talk to him?
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439. Don't look at her eyes,
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440. don't look at her...
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441. This morning!
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442. And Dewey shoved a
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443. sandwich in the VCR!
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444. Malcolm, where is he?
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445. Got to think.
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446. Diversion. Delancey.
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447. Delancey Park!
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448. He's meeting her
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449. at Delancey Park
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450. by the soccer field.
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451. Well...
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452. we'll just see what fate
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453. has in store for Francis.
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454. Francis, I have
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455. to tell you...
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456. Is Beebee coming?
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457. Yeah.
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458. But I have to tell you
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459. something first.
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460. I ratted you out to Mom.
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461. What?
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462. I didn't mean to.
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463. Mom did... her eyes.
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464. And her voice, it was...
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465. I didn't mean to!
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466. Malcolm, how could you do that?
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467. I trusted you.
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468. I know.
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469. I'm sorry.
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470. Look, I sent her to the park.
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471. You've got an hour
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472. to get out of here
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473. and have a head start
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474. before she...
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475. Are you crazy?
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476. I can't go anywhere.
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477. Beebee's coming. Beebee.
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478. Francis, what's wrong with you?
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479. Why are you getting
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480. in so much trouble for her?
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481. You don't understand.
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482. Duh! No one understands.
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483. She's not nice,
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484. she's not smart,
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485. she's a thief, she's not even
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486. that good-looking.
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487. And, oh, guess what else.
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488. She treats you like crap!
Copy !req
489. I know.
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490. You do?
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491. Of course I do.
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492. There's something
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493. you don't know about Beebee.
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494. What?
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495. That no one in her whole life
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496. has ever loved her
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497. the way that I do.
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498. All she has to do is see that
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499. and everything will change.
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500. I really thought he had
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501. something better.
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502. Look, Malcolm, you'll
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503. understand when you're older.
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504. Now, just go.
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505. What were you doing?
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506. Nothing.
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507. Mind your own business.
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508. Who were you talking to?
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509. I wasn't talking to anybody.
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510. You're imagining it.
Copy !req
511. I heard you talking.
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512. Okay, I'll tell you.
Copy !req
513. But you have to
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514. keep it a secret.
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515. You know the monster
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516. under your bed?
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517. It's called a Sasquatch.
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518. He hunts back there
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519. during the day.
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520. I was throwing him
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521. some raw meat
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522. so he wouldn't
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523. come get us tonight.
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524. I don't think
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525. I gave him enough.
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526. So, if I were you,
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527. I'd keep very quiet
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528. and stay the hell out of there.
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529. Get it?
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530. Move!
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531. Francis?
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532. Beebee?
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533. Francis?
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534. Oh. Don't move.
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535. I want to remember this forever.
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536. Where are you?
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537. No! Don't look at me!
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538. I wanted so much
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539. to be perfect for you,
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540. but I couldn't find any soap.
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541. I'm hideous.
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542. Really?
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543. Yes.
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544. But it's okay.
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545. Everything is okay
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546. now that we're together.
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547. I can't tell you how beautiful
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548. you look at this moment.
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549. You look like an angel
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550. or a perfect dawn
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551. or a galaxy of stars.
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552. I don't think we should
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553. see each other anymore.
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554. And... my heart soars
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555. when I think of...
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556. Did you hear what I said?
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557. I... um...
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558. What?
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559. Look...
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560. you're a nice guy,
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561. and all those letters you sent—
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562. the stuff I understood, anyway—
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563. was sweet, but I don't know.
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564. Feels different now.
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565. It's hard to explain.
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566. Would you try?
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567. Well, maybe I just like
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568. the long-distance thing
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569. 'cause, you know,
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570. you'd call and you'd talk
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571. and you'd make me feel
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572. so good about myself
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573. and I didn't have
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574. to do anything.
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575. Yeah, that's it.
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576. Beebee, please.
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577. I just think it's better
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578. we end it now
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579. before anybody gets hurt.
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580. I'm sorry, Francis.
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581. Ow.
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582. Ow!
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583. Ow!
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584. Ow!
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585. Get out of here!
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586. You stupid, dumb monster!
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587. This is my house!
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588. Ow.
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589. Go away!
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590. Ow!
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591. You leave me alone!
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592. Ow! Ow!
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593. You! You, there!
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594. What do you think
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595. you're doing?
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596. Excuse me?
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597. Do you know how dumb
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598. and careless you're being?
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599. Well, I brought...
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600. Oh, for God's sake,
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601. I'm not talking about that.
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602. But shame on you.
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603. Don't you know
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604. how this is all going to end?
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605. Do we know you?
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606. No, but I know you.
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607. You're young and pretty
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608. and you love to get
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609. 16-year-old boys so twisted up
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610. they don't know
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611. what they're doing.
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612. And you think it's all in fun.
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613. You'll move on.
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614. You don't care
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615. how bad you hurt him.
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616. Let me tell you something,
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617. young lady.
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618. Hearts are precious things.
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619. You should be careful with them.
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620. You!
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621. You there!
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622. What do you think
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623. you're doing?
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624. And then the monster
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625. started growling at me,
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626. so I threw rocks at him
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627. and I killed him.
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628. And then he started flying
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629. around on rocket boots,
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630. and I got to ride
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631. inside his head,
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632. and now the monster's my friend,
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633. and we went...
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634. and we went to get Slurpees.
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635. You did not!
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636. You're just lying!
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637. Reese, if that's what
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638. Dewey says happened,
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639. there's no reason
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640. to argue about it.
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641. No one believes I beat the
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642. last level of Mortal Kombat.
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643. Because that's just ridiculous.
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644. No one beats Sub-Zero.
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645. Leave it off.
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646. So, Beebee broke up with me.
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647. Oh.
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648. You okay?
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649. I think I'm fine.
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650. There's a strange sense
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651. of peace that comes over you
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652. when you give up
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653. that last shred of dignity.
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654. It's nice.
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655. I'm really sorry.
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656. Well, if you're going
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657. to love women,
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658. you have to expect
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659. the occasional flaming wipeout.
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660. It's in the fine print,
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661. but you agree to it
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662. when you sign up.
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663. So what are you
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664. going to do?
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665. I'm going to go
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666. back to school.
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667. I only missed a day,
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668. so it shouldn't be too bad.
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669. There's a pack of farm girls
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670. that hang around
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671. outside the fence.
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672. Probably check that out.
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673. Later days.
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674. Wait.
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675. I'm sorry I ratted you out.
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676. I just got scared.
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677. Dude, it's ancient history.
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678. Don't worry about it.
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679. Well, can't you at least
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680. hit me or something,
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681. just so I feel like we're even?
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682. You want me to hit you?
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683. I don't know. Yeah.
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684. Okay.
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685. Thanks.
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686. Psych.
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687. Ow!
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688. Now we're even.
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689. Ow!
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690. How'd you find me?
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691. Malcolm told me.
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692. You know, you should
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693. probably rethink the whole
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694. "trusting him with
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695. secrets" thing.
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696. How mad is Mom?
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697. Well, let's just try to get
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698. a couple states behind us
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699. before we ask her.
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700. So, how'd it go
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701. with Beebee?
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702. We broke up.
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703. Does it hurt?
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704. Oh, yeah.
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705. Well, son...
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706. you know, I wish I could
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707. say it gets easier,
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708. but... I honestly
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709. don't know.
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710. I've never been dumped.
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711. Hmm.
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