1. Everybody up!
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2. Let's go! Let's go!
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3. I got to do laundry before work!
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4. I am taking breakfast
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5. off the table
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6. in five minutes!
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7. I know this kid...
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8. his mom wakes him up
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9. with a kiss on the forehead.
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10. Okay, I've been up
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11. for half an hour.
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12. I've had my cereal.
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13. It's time for Mom to ask
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14. the same annoying question
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15. she asks me every morning.
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16. So, Malcolm,
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17. what are you doing
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18. in your genius
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19. class today?
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20. Nothing. It's just
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21. as dumb and boring
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22. as being in regular class,
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23. except now I get ostracized.
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24. Ostracized? Oh, you're
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25. learning such big words.
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26. Hey.
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27. They want to know what I think
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28. about caller I.D. blocking.
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29. Do I think about that?
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30. Oh!
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31. What?
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32. Nothing. Just a sharp Cheerio.
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33. Oh!
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34. Ha! $210!
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35. Look at all the calls
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36. that Francis is charging to us.
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37. 60 minutes. Oh!
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38. Oh, 80 minutes—
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39. and every one
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40. of these calls is to Beebee.
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41. $210 on Beebee!
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42. I know. Now, honey,
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43. just try to understand,
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44. all right?
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45. He's-he's off in Alabama.
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46. He's all by himself
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47. at military school.
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48. He's lonely, so... so he calls
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49. his little girlfriend.
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50. She's a tramp.
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51. No one's saying
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52. she's not a tramp.
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53. I thought you changed
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54. our code number.
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55. I have, three times.
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56. I-I don't know
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57. how he's getting it.
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58. 65519.
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59. That'll be good till
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60. the bill comes on the 15th.
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61. Thanks, man.
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62. You are a good brother.
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63. I was taking money
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64. out of her wallet anyway.
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65. He is doing this
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66. just to upset me.
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67. Oh, come on, Lois.
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68. He's 16
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69. and thinks he's in love.
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70. What are you going to do?
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71. Oh, man, never ask her that.
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72. Beebee, you can't imagine
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73. how much I miss you.
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74. It is like a white-hot fire
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75. burning in my chest.
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76. The only thing
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77. that keeps me going
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78. is just the thought
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79. of holding you
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80. and stroking your hair
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81. and being with you
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82. in a perfect, golden moment.
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83. Oh, yeah.
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84. I'm totally the same way.
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85. Oh, I'm just so...
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86. Are you watching Buffy?
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87. I can do both.
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88. You know, I think of things,
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89. too, like...
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90. no, it's too embarrassing.
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91. Tell me.
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92. It's not the kind of thing
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93. you can say over the phone.
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94. It's something
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95. I'd have to show you.
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96. Beebee, I think
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97. it would be better
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98. if you told me
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99. and then you showed me.
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100. Stanley, what are you doing?
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101. That was Beebee!
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102. Sorry, man.
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103. Commandant says
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104. your phone privileges
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105. have been revoked
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106. for a month.
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107. Your mom complained
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108. about the bills.
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109. Okay, let me just tell her...
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110. Francis, do you remember
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111. the thumb thing?
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112. The one you did to my thumb
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113. or the one you did
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114. with your thumb?
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115. Hello.
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116. Malcolm! Thank God.
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117. Look, I don't have any more
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118. quarters, so just listen.
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119. I need you
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120. to swipe Mom's credit card
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121. and I need you
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122. to buy me a cell phone.
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123. Now, what you want to get is
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124. the unlimited off-peak plan,
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125. and then FedEx it to me.
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126. Francis, no. I can't do that.
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127. What?
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128. Dude, don't bail on me.
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129. I'm sorry, but Mom
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130. is totally on the warpath
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131. about the phone calls.
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132. Her radar is up. I can't do
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133. anything.
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134. Seriously, you just got
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135. to find a way to live
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136. without calling Beebee
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137. all the time.
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138. Hello?
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139. Hello?
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140. He understands, right?
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141. Dearest Beebee, something
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142. wonderful has happened.
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143. The pain and confusion
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144. of the last few months
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145. has disappeared,
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146. replaced by a single
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147. glorious purpose.
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148. From the ashes of the old
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149. Francis rises a new man,
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150. filled with boldness
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151. and determination.
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152. I fly to you on angel's wings,
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153. knowing I follow
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154. the mandate of my heart.
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155. Every night
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156. for the past two weeks,
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157. he thinks there's a monster
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158. under the bed.
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159. It seemed so funny
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160. when we thought of it.
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161. Oh, sweetie, not again.
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162. The monster!
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163. It tried to suck
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164. my brain out!
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165. All right, I have had it.
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166. You two are banned
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167. from Nintendo.
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168. Okay.
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169. We're already banned
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170. from Nintendo.
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171. The sad thing is he thinks
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172. he just outsmarted her.
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173. All right, fine.
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174. Pillows.
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175. What?
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176. That's right.
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177. I'm taking your pillows.
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178. Come on, come on, hand 'em over.
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179. And I'm not getting up again.
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180. If that monster wants
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181. to suck out your brain,
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182. you just let him take it
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183. and you go back to sleep.
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184. I love you.
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185. I love you.
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186. I love you.
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187. (distorted):
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188. I love you.
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189. Hello?
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190. Don't scream.
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191. It's me.
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192. Francis!
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193. Way to go, dipwad.
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194. You got me in the nards.
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195. Francis, what are you
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196. doing here?
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197. I'm taking control
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198. of my own destiny.
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199. I'm just here to pick up
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200. Beebee, and then we're
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201. going to head off for Canada.
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202. You're going to visit Grandma?
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203. No, a different part of Canada.
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204. Someplace wild where people
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205. don't have to destroy love
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206. just 'cause they don't
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207. understand it.
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208. You just ran away from school?
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209. Mom's really going
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210. to kill you now.
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211. No, she won't,
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212. because she won't know.
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213. Malcolm, you can't
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214. tell anybody.
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215. I'm placing my life
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216. in your hands here.
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217. Did you roll around
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218. in something?
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219. You'll get used to it.
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220. Look, I need you
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221. to get Beebee
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222. to come see me
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223. tonight, okay?
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224. Give her this.
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225. Let it air out
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226. for a while first.
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227. Try to get me some food,
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228. 'cause I haven't eaten
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229. in, like, 36 hours.
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230. Francis, this sounds kind
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231. of drastic, even for you.
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232. Malcolm, I do not have
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233. time for doubt!
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234. The die has been cast,
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235. my future is set.
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236. Now, there's one
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237. question in my mind:
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238. can I trust you?
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239. But...
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240. Can I trust you?
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241. Yes.
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242. Yeah, definitely.
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243. I'll toss my lunch bag
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244. over the fence before school.
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245. Oh!
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246. Mmm!
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247. Can I have some?
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248. Can't.
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249. It's a...
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250. prescription... sandwich.
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251. "Prescription sandwich"?
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252. Stevie, that's not
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253. even a good lie.
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254. If you don't want to
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255. share, just say so.
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256. Don't want...
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257. to share.
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258. Let's play
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259. Ironside.
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260. I'll be... Ironside.
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261. I don't want to play
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262. stupid Ironside.
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263. What's your... problem?
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264. It's my brother Francis.
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265. He escaped from
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266. military school
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267. and hitchhiked
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268. all the way here.
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269. And he's all scraped up and
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270. smelly and hungry and dirty,
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271. and now he's hiding
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272. out at the creek.
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273. If my parents catch
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274. him, he's dead.
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275. He's talking like
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276. he's crazy.
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277. I don't know what to do.
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278. Squeal.
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279. What?
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280. Squeal.
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281. Rat him out.
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282. I can't do that.
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283. He's my brother.
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284. I promised him.
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285. I can't tell anybody.
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286. You told... me.
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287. Yeah, but by the time
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288. you tell anyone,
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289. he'll be a thousand
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290. miles from here.
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291. Tou... ché.
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292. Beebee?
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293. What?
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294. Oh, you're, uh, that kid.
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295. My name's Malcolm.
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296. I'm Francis's brother.
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297. You met me, like,
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298. ten times.
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299. Yeah, you're the freaky
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300. little brain, right?
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301. Just be cool.
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302. What do you want?
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303. Here.
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304. Francis is back home.
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305. Well, he's not home.
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306. He's hiding.
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307. Huh. Three pages?
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308. Both sides.
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309. He loves to make me read.
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310. What's that word?
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311. "Consummate."
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312. It means he likes you.
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313. Oh.
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314. "Assignation,
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315. rendezvous, tryst"?
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316. How the hell is anyone supposed
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317. to know what he's talking about?
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318. Beebee, just meet him at
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319. the creek at 7:30, okay?
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320. See? You can say it in English,
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321. and you're, like, ten.
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322. What are you doing?
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323. I'm wearing a tank top.
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324. Beebee, I don't...
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325. Don't think.
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326. Just walk. Go.
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327. The worst part is, I think
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328. I'm stealing panty liners.
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329. Gosh, I had such
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330. a good day at work today.
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331. I got to work
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332. the cash-only line
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333. for the first time
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334. in a month,
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335. and my register
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336. came out to the penny.
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337. Plus, that creepy new
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338. assistant manager
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339. sliced his hand open
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340. with a box cutter.
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341. Spent the whole afternoon
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342. in the emergency room.
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343. Here's to him.
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344. Honey, this chicken
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345. is absolutely delicious.
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346. Oh, well, it's a little recipe
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347. I came up with.
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348. It's Shake n' Bake—
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349. but for pork.
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350. How about that?
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351. That's one for the recipe box.
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352. Let's call it, uh, "chork."
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353. All in favor?
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354. No one for "picken"?
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355. Chork it is.
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356. Brava.
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357. Oh, cut it out.
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358. You big talker.
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359. Will this make me
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360. taste better to the monsters?
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361. Sure it will, son.
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362. Get out of here!
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363. You're not eating it.
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364. You haven't had a bite in
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365. two minutes, I counted.
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366. I'm saving it.
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367. There is no saving.
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368. Malcolm, he's right.
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369. The rule is: no saving.
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370. Oh, yeah, I care.
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371. Cut it out!
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372. Come on, it's mine.
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373. Get out of here!
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374. No!
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375. Give it back!
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376. Boys, boys, stop it.
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377. You're going get
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378. your mother out of...
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379. uh, you're going to ruin
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380. her nice day.
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381. Francis did what?
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382. Another night in the chat room.
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383. That kid! That kid!
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384. He thinks he can just
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385. run away from school
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386. like some-some kind
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387. of escaped convict?
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388. Well, if he thinks
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389. he can just vanish
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390. in the night
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391. and I won't find him,
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392. well, he is sadly mistaken.
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393. Lois, you just calm down.
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394. There's nothing
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395. we can do right now.
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396. Yes, there is.
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397. I can call the police.
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398. No, they're not going
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399. to look for anybody
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400. unless they've been missing
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401. for 48 hours.
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402. Not if I say he has
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403. drugs on him.
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404. Lois, stop it.
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405. Now, you're just going
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406. to have to accept the fact
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407. that for now, this is
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408. beyond your control.
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409. Francis is going to have
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410. to sink or swim on his own,
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411. and frankly, I don't think
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412. that's such a bad thing.
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413. And in the meantime, we just
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414. have to leave it up to fate.
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415. Oh. "Fate."
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416. "Fate" is just what you call it
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417. when you don't know the name
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418. of the person
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419. screwing you over!
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420. Mom, I'm sure he's okay.
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421. Uh-oh, tactical error.
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422. Why do you think he's okay, son?
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423. Because...
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424. he's always okay.
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425. Malcolm,
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426. this is a very serious
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427. situation here,
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428. and, well, I know you love
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429. Francis as much as we do,
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430. so if you have
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431. any idea...
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432. Oh, for God's sake!
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433. Where is he?
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434. He came here to see Beebee!
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435. He's meeting her tonight!
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436. Oh, my God,
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437. how'd she do that?
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438. I knew it.
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439. When did you talk to him?
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440. Don't look at her eyes,
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441. don't look at her...
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442. This morning!
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443. And Dewey shoved a
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444. sandwich in the VCR!
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445. Malcolm, where is he?
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446. (quietly):
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447. Got to think.
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448. Diversion. Delancey.
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449. Delancey Park!
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450. He's meeting her
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451. at Delancey Park
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452. by the soccer field.
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453. Well...
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454. we'll just see what fate
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455. has in store for Francis.
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456. Francis, I have
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457. to tell you...
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458. Is Beebee coming?
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459. Yeah.
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460. But I have to tell you
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461. something first.
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462. I ratted you out to Mom.
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463. What?
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464. I didn't mean to.
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465. Mom did... her eyes.
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466. And her voice, it was...
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467. I didn't mean to!
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468. Malcolm, how could you do that?
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469. I trusted you.
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470. I know.
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471. I'm sorry.
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472. Look, I sent her to the park.
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473. You've got an hour
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474. to get out of here
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475. and have a head start
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476. before she...
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477. Are you crazy?
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478. I can't go anywhere.
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479. Beebee's coming. Beebee.
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480. Francis, what's wrong with you?
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481. Why are you getting
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482. in so much trouble for her?
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483. You don't understand.
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484. Duh! No one understands.
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485. She's not nice,
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486. she's not smart,
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487. she's a thief, she's not even
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488. that good-looking.
Copy !req
489. And, oh, guess what else.
Copy !req
490. She treats you like crap!
Copy !req
491. I know.
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492. You do?
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493. Of course I do.
Copy !req
494. There's something
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495. you don't know about Beebee.
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496. What?
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497. That no one in her whole life
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498. has ever loved her
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499. the way that I do.
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500. All she has to do is see that
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501. and everything will change.
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502. I really thought he had
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503. something better.
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504. Look, Malcolm, you'll
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505. understand when you're older.
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506. Now, just go.
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507. What were you doing?
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508. Nothing.
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509. Mind your own business.
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510. Who were you talking to?
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511. I wasn't talking to anybody.
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512. You're imagining it.
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513. I heard you talking.
Copy !req
514. Okay, I'll tell you.
Copy !req
515. But you have to
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516. keep it a secret.
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517. You know the monster
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518. under your bed?
Copy !req
519. It's called a Sasquatch.
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520. He hunts back there
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521. during the day.
Copy !req
522. I was throwing him
Copy !req
523. some raw meat
Copy !req
524. so he wouldn't
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525. come get us tonight.
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526. I don't think
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527. I gave him enough.
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528. So, if I were you,
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529. I'd keep very quiet
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530. and stay the hell out of there.
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531. Get it?
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532. Move!
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533. Francis?
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534. Beebee?
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535. Francis?
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536. Oh. Don't move.
Copy !req
537. I want to remember this forever.
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538. Where are you?
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539. No! Don't look at me!
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540. I wanted so much
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541. to be perfect for you,
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542. but I couldn't find any soap.
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543. I'm hideous.
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544. Really?
Copy !req
545. Yes.
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546. But it's okay.
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547. Everything is okay
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548. now that we're together.
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549. I can't tell you how beautiful
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550. you look at this moment.
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551. You look like an angel
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552. or a perfect dawn
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553. or a galaxy of stars.
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554. I don't think we should
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555. see each other anymore.
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556. And... my heart soars
Copy !req
557. when I think of...
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558. Did you hear what I said?
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559. I... um...
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560. What?
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561. Look...
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562. you're a nice guy,
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563. and all those letters you sent—
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564. the stuff I understood, anyway—
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565. was sweet, but I don't know.
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566. Feels different now.
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567. It's hard to explain.
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568. Would you try?
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569. Well, maybe I just like
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570. the long-distance thing
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571. 'cause, you know,
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572. you'd call and you'd talk
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573. and you'd make me feel
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574. so good about myself
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575. and I didn't have
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576. to do anything.
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577. Yeah, that's it.
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578. Beebee, please.
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579. I just think it's better
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580. we end it now
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581. before anybody gets hurt.
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582. I'm sorry, Francis.
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583. Ow.
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584. Ow!
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585. Ow!
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586. Ow!
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587. Get out of here!
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588. You stupid, dumb monster!
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589. This is my house!
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590. Ow.
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591. Go away!
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592. Ow!
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593. You leave me alone!
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594. Ow! Ow!
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595. You! You, there!
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596. What do you think
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597. you're doing?
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598. Excuse me?
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599. Do you know how dumb
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600. and careless you're being?
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601. Well, I brought...
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602. Oh, for God's sake,
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603. I'm not talking about that.
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604. But shame on you.
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605. Don't you know
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606. how this is all going to end?
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607. Do we know you?
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608. No, but I know you.
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609. You're young and pretty
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610. and you love to get
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611. 16-year-old boys so twisted up
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612. they don't know
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613. what they're doing.
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614. And you think it's all in fun.
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615. You'll move on.
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616. You don't care
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617. how bad you hurt him.
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618. Let me tell you something,
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619. young lady.
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620. Hearts are precious things.
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621. You should be careful with them.
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622. You!
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623. You there!
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624. What do you think
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625. you're doing?
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626. And then the monster
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627. started growling at me,
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628. so I threw rocks at him
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629. and I killed him.
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630. And then he started flying
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631. around on rocket boots,
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632. and I got to ride
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633. inside his head,
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634. and now the monster's my friend,
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635. and we went...
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636. and we went to get Slurpees.
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637. You did not!
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638. You're just lying!
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639. Reese, if that's what
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640. Dewey says happened,
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641. there's no reason
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642. to argue about it.
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643. No one believes I beat the
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644. last level of Mortal Kombat.
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645. Because that's just ridiculous.
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646. No one beats Sub-Zero.
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647. Leave it off.
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648. So, Beebee broke up with me.
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649. Oh.
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650. You okay?
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651. I think I'm fine.
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652. There's a strange sense
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653. of peace that comes over you
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654. when you give up
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655. that last shred of dignity.
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656. It's nice.
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657. I'm really sorry.
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658. Well, if you're going
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659. to love women,
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660. you have to expect
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661. the occasional flaming wipeout.
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662. It's in the fine print,
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663. but you agree to it
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664. when you sign up.
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665. So what are you
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666. going to do?
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667. I'm going to go
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668. back to school.
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669. I only missed a day,
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670. so it shouldn't be too bad.
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671. There's a pack of farm girls
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672. that hang around
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673. outside the fence.
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674. Probably check that out.
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675. Later days.
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676. Wait.
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677. I'm sorry I ratted you out.
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678. I just got scared.
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679. Dude, it's ancient history.
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680. Don't worry about it.
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681. Well, can't you at least
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682. hit me or something,
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683. just so I feel like we're even?
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684. You want me to hit you?
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685. I don't know. Yeah.
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686. Okay.
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687. Thanks.
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688. Psych.
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689. Ow!
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690. Now we're even.
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691. Ow!
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692. How'd you find me?
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693. Malcolm told me.
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694. You know, you should
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695. probably rethink the whole
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696. "trusting him with
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697. secrets" thing.
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698. How mad is Mom?
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699. Well, let's just try to get
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700. a couple states behind us
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701. before we ask her.
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702. So, how'd it go
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703. with Beebee?
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704. We broke up.
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705. Does it hurt?
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706. Oh, yeah.
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707. Well, son...
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708. you know, I wish I could
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709. say it gets easier,
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710. but... I honestly
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711. don't know.
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712. I've never been dumped.
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713. Hmm.
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