Mad Men 6x1

1. That's it.

2. - That's it, hang in there. - Oh, my God!

3. Oh, my God.

4. Don's voice: "Midway in our life's journey,

5. I went astray from the straight road

6. and woke to find myself alone

7. in a dark wood."

8. Mmm.

9. Mahalo.

10. It's still suite 282.

11. How long has it been?

12. Can't get too suntanned, they'll fire me.

13. Oh, you must have gotten it wet.

14. Let me see.

15. You know what? Who cares what time it is?

16. You would not have liked that.

17. You wouldn't have liked it at all.

18. I had to walk down the beach away from the crowds

19. to this surf shop and knock on a door with a closed sign.

20. It was so seedy down there.

21. Plus, I had to get my money from here.

22. Come on.

23. I know you've tried it, but you haven't had sex high.

24. It makes it so much more intense.

25. Everything you see on your plate is what you would find

26. in a royal Hawaiian feast.

27. That purple pudding is poi.

28. It's strange, but satisfying.

29. And we Hawaiians say that it's ono,

30. which means tasty.

31. But you might just say, "Ono, I'm not eating that."

32. This is real Hawaiian food.

33. Even the macaroni salad.

34. But, of course, at the Royal Hawaiian,

35. we try to treat every guest like they're—

36. Well, everything is better here.

37. I'm sure it is.

38. It must take a lot of work to stand out in paradise.

39. Don, you have to try this.

40. Oh, don't bother. It's wallpaper paste.

41. Just eat the pig.

42. Now, while you stay with us at the lovely,

43. beautiful Royal Hawaiian,

44. make sure you see enchanted Diamond Head

45. and all of the natural wonders of the island

46. by bus or by boat.

47. It's easy if you book

48. one of our guided tours in the lobby.

49. Aloha.

50. - Come. Come dance. - ( laughs )

51. I've got nothing to do with this.

52. Go ahead, Don.

53. Leave him alone, honey.

54. I want to do it.

55. No, you have to do it like this.

56. You have to relax.

57. Get in the spirit of the islands.

58. They call me the Hawaiian Elvis.

59. Gentlemen, I remind you,

60. this is my job.

61. Stop laughing or I'll make them come back for you.

62. Excuse me, Corinne. I hate to bother you.

63. I mean, I know your name's not Corinne.

64. No, It's Megan.

65. - Oh, my goodness. I'm really bothering you. - No, not at all.

66. You're so much trimmer than you are on TV. Do people tell you that?

67. - I— no. - "To Have and to Hold" is my favorite.

68. I mean, I watch a few, and you're obviously on vacation.

69. - It's okay. - Well, I know you're new to "Berkshire Falls,"

70. but I can tell you— you just have a way.

71. Thank you so much.

72. Would you mind signing an autograph to my niece?

73. She's a bigger fan than I am.

74. I'd be delighted.

75. - What's her name? - Karen.

76. It's like Corinne.

77. I can't believe Victor won't acknowledge you.

78. Well, we'll see what happens.

79. Enjoy your stay.

80. Those women really knew me.

81. One of them was from Minnesota.

82. I didn't even know they had the show there.

83. I love it here.

84. Hey, Galloway, you want another?

85. Can I get a tall beer? Chop chop.

86. So, mister, has he moved at all?

87. Well, you're either dead or you've got great balance.

88. Hey, were you in the service?

89. I got the same one.

90. - What branch? - Army.

91. You can say that again.

92. - Korea? - Briefly.

93. Was Korea like this?

94. 'Cause I'll tell you, they offer you R&R in Honolulu

95. and you think, "Did anybody notice it's the same place?"

96. But I'm glad to be here, I can tell you that.

97. You on your anniversary?

98. Folks have been pretty friendly.

99. After all the shit that went on last summer Stateside,

100. I was looking for a fight.

101. That'd be classy— showing up with a black eye.

102. This is my bachelor party.

103. I'm getting married tomorrow.

104. Congratulations. Let me buy you a drink.

105. Nah, I got a shit-load of combat pay.

106. Let me buy you one.

107. You some kind of astronaut?

108. I'm in advertising.

109. We got this.50 caliber machine gun.

110. The M2.

111. You should see what it does to a water buffalo.

112. Oh, my Lord. I could paint this place red.

113. How long do you have left?

114. Ceremony's at 0800.

115. Four hours or so.

116. No, in Vietnam.

117. Eight months.

118. Someone told her married guys live longer

119. 'cause they got something to live for.

120. She's from San Diego.

121. She's Mexican.

122. She met me halfway in Hawaii.

123. I met her halfway by getting married.

124. Were you married when you were in Korea?

125. No.

126. And you made it.

127. Listen, Lieutenant.

128. What do you say we get into some trouble?

129. It's PFC Dinkins, by the way.

130. It's usually printed right there.

131. Don.

132. So how do you feel about giving away the bride?

133. You don't think your friend's gonna make it?

134. Nah, he's my best man.

135. Her family's in San Ysidro.

136. And I don't want some hotel employee being her dad.

137. They look just like the enemy.

138. Am I wrong?

139. There's plenty of GIs here. There's no one else you know?

140. Who gave your bride away?

141. I'd love to help you out, but you don't even know me.

142. I think you'd regret it later.

143. I believe in what goes around comes around.

144. One day I'm gonna be a veteran in paradise.

145. One day I'll be the man who can't sleep

146. and talks to strangers.

147. I, James, take you, Connie, for my lawful wife,

148. to have and to hold from this day forward.

149. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer,

150. in sickness and in health,

151. until death do us part.

152. What were you doing wrong?

153. I'm so sorry, Officer. It's very hard to see.

154. That's why you have to drive slower.

155. We go easy on the speed limit here, but not with this ice.

156. I promise I will do that in the future.

157. I'm afraid this is about what you already did.

158. You may not be aware, but this is Betty Francis.

159. You may know her husband, my son, Henry Francis.

160. He works in the mayor's office in Manhattan. Mayor Lindsay.

161. I work for New York State. We've got our own mayor.

162. I'll do without your sarcasm, young man.

163. - ( girls giggle ) - Now, if you don't mind,

164. I think all concerned will be very content

165. if you issue a stern warning and let us be on our way.

166. - Pauline. - ( giggles )

167. I'm trying to avoid taking you off the road with a shovel.

168. She's driving like a maniac.

169. Yell at her.

170. I hate cops.

171. Nonsense. They're just doing their job.

172. Well, they're too enthusiastic.

173. That ruined it. That ruined everything.

174. I can't imagine it getting any darker than this.

175. My mom's dead.

176. How was "The Nutcracker"?

177. - The highlight of the evening. - Magical as always.

178. Well, Bobby, Gene, and I are sorry we missed it.

179. Nothing like the ballet, right, boys?

180. Is Sandy sleeping over?

181. What do you care?

182. Isn't somebody going to say something?

183. Betty got a ticket.

184. For what?

185. I thought it was going to be speeding,

186. but apparently it's reckless driving.

187. I want you to tell your wife

188. that invoking your name in an interaction with a state trooper

189. is nothing to be ashamed of.

190. Ma, it barely works for me.

191. Then Grandma Pauline yelled at him.

192. - I did nothing of the sort. - What did he do?

193. - He was verbally abusive. - Give him the ticket.

194. He'll fix it. He does it for everyone.

195. Ma, you know how I fix those tickets?

196. I pay 'em.

197. - Can I open it? - Mm-hmm.

198. Get away, you little weirdo.

199. I like the case. It looks like a coffin.

200. Would you play a little? That'd be nice.

201. I don't know.

202. Please. It makes me feel so much.

203. This is disgusting. Don't let them force you.

204. Have you been playing long?

205. - She's going to Juilliard next semester. - Juilliard?

206. Why didn't you tell me we were in the presence of a prodigy?

207. 15 is not a prodigy.

208. Sorry about that. Checking the steam.

209. - How was your trip? - Wonderful.

210. Warm. I did not miss this.

211. How are you feeling?

212. Let me in there.

213. It's okay, Jonesy.

214. - Jesus, what's his real name? - I don't know.

215. Open his coat. Open his coat.

216. Sylvia, call an ambulance.

217. There's a phone at the desk.

218. Okay, Jonesy, keep listening to me.

219. Come on, I know you can hear me.

220. Come on.

221. Let me get those.

222. - Absolutely not. - I'm surprised you're back at work.

223. Oh, the missus couldn't wait to get me out of the house.

224. - I don't believe it. - Oh, wait.

225. Messenger came with your script yesterday.

226. I didn't let it out of my sight.

227. I got you a pretty nice bottle for Christmas

228. in case you can't read the handwriting.

229. Well, I hope you got Dr. Rosen a case.

230. I thought you were going to stop reading that before bed.

231. It's not bothering me tonight.

232. I bet it isn't.

233. You're so calm from all that violin.

234. She plays beautifully.

235. You and Bobby had the same look on your face when she was playing.

236. She's a year older than Sally. Shame on you.

237. No one would blame me for leaving you for a teenage musician.

238. She's just in the next room.

239. Why don't you go in there and rape her?

240. - I'll hold her arms down. - Betty, what the hell?

241. You said you wanted to spice things up.

242. Will it ruin it if I'm there?

243. You know what? If you want to be alone with her,

244. I'll put on my housecoat and take Sally for a ride.

245. You can stick a rag in her mouth and you won't wake the boys.

246. All right. All right, Betty.

247. My goodness. You're blushing.

248. She left the sliding door open.

249. There's dirt all over the rug.

250. Maybe she wanted to air out the place.

251. I'm gonna take the cleaning out of her Christmas present.

252. One scene.

253. I take somebody's coat and offer them a drink.

254. You're the maid. It's more than ours does.

255. One scene, Don. They send me to pack suitcases.

256. Yours or theirs?

257. Victor's.

258. Then I'd be worried if I was Victor.

259. I shouldn't have gone on vacation.

260. What are you doing up?

261. I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to wake Sally,

262. although you have the creakiest floor.

263. It's an old house. At least turn on a light.

264. Are you hungry?

265. Are you gonna have something?

266. Yes,

267. but I really have to be careful this time of year.

268. Why?

269. I'm trying to reduce.

270. Why don't you just be the way you are? You're beautiful.

271. That's charming and you know it.

272. My mother wore a girdle all the time

273. and she always had a stomachache and I always thought,

274. "You'd rather have a stomachache just so Dad will like you?"

275. Sandy,

276. my mother passed away a few years ago

277. and I understand.

278. This time of year is the hardest.

279. Oh, dear.

280. We're happy to include you in our family.

281. I can't go to Juilliard.

282. I know how you're feeling.

283. I was older than you, but I remember

284. when I went to Bryn Mawr, I was terrified.

285. - But then the minute I— - No.

286. I didn't get in.

287. They rejected me.

288. Oh.

289. Of course you'd lie about that.

290. So you'll try again next year.

291. Tell everyone you wanted to finish high school.

292. It's incredible how fast some people come up with lies.

293. Please don't do that.

294. I'm old for a violinist.

295. At least for one as good as I am.

296. I don't care. All I wanted to do was go to New York.

297. In a few years.

298. But it'll be too late.

299. My feet are already in wet cement.

300. Plenty of girls do just fine without Juilliard.

301. Sure, you go to college,

302. you meet a boy, you drop out,

303. you get married,

304. struggle for a year in New York while he learns to tie a tie,

305. and then move to the country and just start the whole disaster over.

306. That's an arrogant exaggeration.

307. You have so much.

308. I didn't ask for it and I don't need it.

309. You don't need it?

310. Do you know what it's like to have nothing?

311. - Do you? - Why do you keep insulting me?

312. I'm trying to help.

313. No, aren't you curious?

314. There are people in the Village.

315. I read about it and I even visited them.

316. You went to the city alone? Did Sally go with you?

317. No.

318. But she told me you went.

319. That you were a model.

320. Yes.

321. And I lived with five girls in two rooms

322. and ate soup out of cans.

323. It's not glamorous.

324. But I bet it was great.

325. It was different back then.

326. There weren't all the riots and robberies.

327. Do you watch the news?

328. I visited this building

329. right off St. Mark's Place.

330. And the kids are just living and it's beautiful.

331. You know?

332. People are naturally democratic if you give them a chance.

333. Are you on dope?

334. No.

335. - But— - But...

336. you're going to wait until you're old enough to live on your own.

337. It's two years.

338. Hardly a jail sentence.

339. You know, you're not my child,

340. so there's no reason for me to say this,

341. but I go to the symphony quite a bit,

342. whether I like it or not,

343. and I am certain that you are talented.

344. And on the bright side,

345. Sally was crushed you were going away.

346. Want to use the bathroom?

347. - I think I'm feeling better. - I'm not.

348. - There's Pepto-Bismol. - I think it's too late.

349. I don't like vegetarian food.

350. - ( phone ringing ) - Reminds me of Lent.

351. Exactly. It's a punishment.

352. - Hello? - Peggy Olson, please.

353. This is Peggy. Who is this?

354. - Did you watch Carson? - Who is this?

355. It's Burt. Burt Peterson.

356. Oh. Is everything okay?

357. I'm calling you at midnight. We're screwed, Peggy.

358. We're at DEFCON 3. We're about to go to DEFCON 4.

359. DEFCON 4 is better than DEFCON 3.

360. I've told you that. One is the worst.

361. - Then we're at zero. - There is no zero.

362. Some comic on Carson was breaking everybody up with this routine about the war.

363. Burt, it's very late and you sound a little under the weather

364. and there's such a thing as free speech in this country.

365. I could give a hoot. Koss Headphones wants to pull our Super Bowl spot.

366. He hates the line now.

367. "Lend me your ears"? It's Shakespeare.

368. Well, it's somehow related to something.

369. The president. I don't know. I didn't see it.

370. You there?

371. Yes.

372. So you got to change your ad.

373. - Now it's my ad? - He wants to meet for a discussion.

374. - About what? - I don't know. Something bad.

375. I take the client's word for it.

376. - You've got to call Ted. - About what?

377. I don't even know what the problem is.

378. It's better coming from you. I've got to go.

379. What time is it in Colorado?

380. I don't know. I can't do any math right now.

381. I can't do any math at all.

382. Please, honey, don't talk.

383. Morning.

384. I guess I don't say Merry Christmas to you.

385. Save that for Sylvia. How was Hawaii?

386. - Long ago and far away. - ( chuckles )

387. What's that camera you guys are selling?

388. - Pentax? - Leica.

389. And which model will change my life?

390. Like everybody else, I only know them by the price.

391. You know what?

392. Come by.

393. I got a closetful. I'll give you one.

394. Come on. I'll pay for it.

395. I'd give one to Christiaan Barnard.

396. I might just come by.

397. You owe me just for that comment alone.

398. - You can come by right now. - No.

399. I'm gonna be in surgery till 2:00. Maybe after.

400. Remember, you come by my office, I get to go to yours.

401. Another glorious morning, Dr. Rosen.

402. No good deed...

403. I don't know.

404. Probably part of a deeper question.

405. Because, I mean, none of them are really blonde anyway, right?

406. She's 29 years old.

407. Hair darkens by that age, so she's probably a brunette.

408. Maybe she does remind me of Jane.

409. No, I think it's more than just distraction.

410. I think you're being hard on me.

411. You used the word "distraction."

412. Did I? Well, I need a vacation.

413. I'm busy. I'm a busy man.

414. I walk around that place, people say "Good morning" to me.

415. They don't really care. They don't know anything about me.

416. Oh, God, Doc, what is it all about?

417. Help me.

418. I say— I say that's a joke, son.

419. - We discussed this. - What?

420. I can't laugh at everything you say.

421. Either it's funny or it's not.

422. I don't know how you can control yourself.

423. It's hard sometimes. We talked about that, too.

424. What exactly are you joking about?

425. You're obviously not afraid that you're boring.

426. What are the events in life?

427. It's like you see a door.

428. The first time you come to it you say,

429. "Oh, what's on the other side of the door?"

430. Then you open a few doors.

431. Then you say, "I think I want to go over that bridge this time.

432. I'm tired of doors." Finally you go through one of these things

433. and you come out the other side and you realize that's all there are—

434. doors and windows and bridges and gates.

435. And they all open the same way

436. and they all close behind you.

437. Look, life is supposed to be a path and you go along

438. and these things happen to you and they're supposed to change you.

439. Change your direction. But it turns out that's not true.

440. It turns out the experiences are nothing.

441. They're just some pennies you pick up off the floor,

442. stick in your pocket, and you're just going in a straight line

443. to you-know-where.

444. You sound afraid.

445. More like irritated.

446. And what do you think is causing that?

447. Top of the list, New Year's.

448. It's like an extra birthday.

449. You're supposed to blow out the candle and wish for something.

450. I don't even know what it is.

451. How was your Christmas?

452. Same as the last five— ruined by work.

453. - How was yours? - I'm a widower, Peggy.

454. Oh. I'm sorry.

455. Apparently there was a bunch of jokes on the "Tonight Show,"

456. in question, about soldiers cutting off ears in Vietnam.

457. And obviously we are gonna have to go in another direction.

458. What did they say?

459. Well, I wasn't able

460. to obtain a copy or a transcript,

461. but Lawrence here is a devout viewer.

462. I don't know if I can do it justice.

463. Just shut up and do it.

464. Well, he came out and started talking about

465. how that surgeon in South Africa

466. transplanted a heart. And he says,

467. "Now I know what I'm getting President Johnson for Christmas."

468. - Who is this guy? - I'm Lawrence.

469. - No, the comedian. - We're finding that out.

470. - You have no information. - We know the host was Phyllis Diller.

471. Get to the ears.

472. Well, I don't remember how he got to it,

473. but it was something about how

474. the first transplants they did were with dogs.

475. So obviously there could be some sort of mix-up or something.

476. Dad's better, but he goes nuts every time we run the can opener.

477. - ( laughs ) - He hates the mailman or something.

478. And, oh, he keeps ruining the carpet.

479. Only thing that stops him is hitting him on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

480. Do you remember the ear joke or not?

481. Well, he went back to Christmas.

482. Did you hear about how there are these GIs

483. with interesting decorations?

484. 'Cause they cut off the Vietcong's ears

485. and wore them on a string around their neck like a trophy.

486. Oh. They really did that?

487. There's a court-martial.

488. Did he actually say "Vietcong" on Carson?

489. I don't remember. This is the best I can do.

490. - I think you're very good. - You think so?

491. So, was that it?

492. No. The big laugh was

493. a general comes up to one of these guys

494. and says, "That's not regulation, son."

495. The soldier says, "Pardon? Could you speak into my necklace?"

496. Biggest laugh even though the transplant jokes were better.

497. That's not even funny. What did Phyllis do?

498. She just said something like,

499. "I told you he was a sick puppy."

500. ( sighs ) When is Koss coming in?

501. 1:00. Should I order lunch?

502. He loves the Russian Tea Room.

503. No, this is an emergency meeting.

504. I should probably practice a little more.

505. The client's already seen it.

506. Go home. There's no second show.

507. - What did Ted say? - I left a message.

508. I don't think there's anything to do

509. but work our way through 100 versions of no.

510. Listen, don't get in your own way.

511. No, I've seen creatives do this.

512. I've seen Ted do it. This is the Super Bowl.

513. It's a lot of money. A lot of exposure for the agency.

514. - There's probably awards down the road. - I know.

515. Believe me, I know.

516. The ( inaudible ) "Tonight Show."

517. Now, Peggy, I think it's the Army

518. that's really at fault here.

519. You look tan. Did you have fun?

520. I'm sorry, but your name escapes me.

521. I'm Bob Benson. I'm upstairs in Accounts.

522. Beloit College, Wharton MBA.

523. Secor, Mohawk, Life Cereal.

524. You know, but just in the outfield.

525. Yes, of course.

526. We spoke at the Christmas party.

527. You seemed to know your way around Pennsylvania.

528. You want one of these? I get it right next door.

529. People will take a few extra steps for a superior product.

530. Doesn't it belong to someone else?

531. No, I always get two. I don't want to share.

532. You know, I have through,

533. let's just say low-level corruption,

534. obtained tickets to the Cotton Bowl.

535. Crimson Tide versus Texas A&M.

536. You play football?

537. - What's in that coffee? - Excuse me?

538. Oh. ( laughs )

539. Look, I've been trying to get to know your team.

540. Not that I'm so important. And they talk about you all the time.

541. So I guess I figured a few minutes alone with you shouldn't be wasted.

542. Just a minute, Bob.

543. I smell creativity.

544. I love it down here.

545. I can't believe you just came off of 10 hours of plane travel.

546. - You look great. - No, Stan, you look great.

547. Changing the subject ever so slightly,

548. during your travels did you notice if the stewardesses

549. would let a mother hold a baby on her lap the whole ride?

550. I believe so.

551. - Ha! - Really?

552. Don't feel bad. I mean, how would you know? You never had any kids.

553. Last time you left town, it was in a covered wagon.

554. - Because you're old. - ( laughing )

555. You're so tan.

556. - So how was the vacation? - He was on assignment.

557. On Waikiki Beach. How much work do you think he got done?

558. Look at him. He has the sea breeze in his hair.

559. You bring me something? Huh?

560. Dictaphone, cocktail napkins?

561. Anything to give me a jump on the Royal Hawaiian?

562. I had an experience.

563. I don't know how to put it into words.

564. Isn't Sheraton coming in on Friday?

565. He's still thinking. He just got back.

566. I'll tell you the experience.

567. Megan in a bikini.

568. Oh, Mr. Draper. There you are.

569. Good morning. How was your trip?

570. It was good, thank you. What's going on here?

571. They're taking portraits for publicity.

572. You certainly look snappy. I see you have coffee.

573. I scheduled you later in case you missed the connection in Los Angeles.

574. Everything went smoothly.

575. Welcome back.

576. I'm jealous just looking at you.

577. - I think you'd like it. - I don't know if it's the photographers

578. or the writers, but it really smells like reefer in here.

579. That has to be enough.

580. I think we got it.

581. So, they treat you like King Kamehameha?

582. Miss, you mind?

583. Are these in color?

584. No, and I'm starting to regret it.

585. Do you mind holding onto the rail, gorgeous?

586. Think of important things.

587. Caroline, is the shoeshine here yet?

588. No one's going to see your shoes.

589. - I want you to call him. - I did.

590. So, Don Ho.

591. Did you have a blue drink in the white sand?

592. Ernest Borgnine chase you down an alleyway with a switchblade?

593. I love that movie.

594. - It was nice. - ( sighs )

595. I think I'm next, but I don't want to follow that act.

596. So, you have anything ready for Sheraton on Friday?

597. Have I ever walked into this office after an absence

598. and not had you bring up business immediately?

599. That's only because I've spent every holiday

600. waiting on work from you.

601. And then you walk away from me.

602. And then you take a nap.

603. Oh, taking pictures.

604. Yeah, we'll be done in a second.

605. Keep it down out here.

606. Oh, about your office.

607. They think it's better for the pictures.

608. I don't agree.

609. They'll move it back.

610. So when I left, where was I?

611. I'll get you the files.

612. As horrible as this is,

613. I don't think anyone has made this connection

614. outside of this comedian.

615. So it's likely that any possible controversy—

616. Well, no one's seen the TV spot.

617. They've seen the print for three weeks,

618. side by side with the news story probably.

619. We haven't heard a peep.

620. So the controversy is still in your imagination.

621. I won't deny that, but this is a horrible thing.

622. I believe that's the word I used.

623. So?

624. - I thought I had a solution. - We can't pull the ad.

625. Relax, Burt. And of course we can't.

626. No, I thought maybe we could just cut

627. "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears"

628. and just start with saying

629. all the great stuff about the headphones.

630. That's a great idea.

631. - You think so? - I think it's the first idea, but—

632. It solves everything.

633. Except it's just a man in a toga now. It's a non sequitur.

634. Maybe people will think it's some kind

635. of sophisticated joke that they just didn't get.

636. I think that while it avoids

637. any possibility of controversy, it neuters the joke.

638. What the hell does that mean?

639. Look, you don't know what to do.

640. I'm telling you what do to.

641. You are. You have solved the problem.

642. But it needs more than a solution.

643. It needs to be a great ad.

644. This is a great place to start. I just need a little time.

645. Remember how long it took us to come up with this one?

646. I don't know. It just sort of came to you, didn't it?

647. No, you rejected a lot of things.

648. And we can't shoot one of the things I rejected?

649. We just don't have the time.

650. Look, my job is to introduce your headphones

651. to a huge, drunk, male audience.

652. And it's not about my work,

653. it's about making a great ad.

654. The association not being with Vietnam,

655. but with a laugh, a smile,

656. that all comes from your headphones.

657. I don't know how to do that.

658. But I do.

659. Give me a couple days.

660. ( sighs ) Okay.

661. You've got to get a hold of Ted.

662. Why do they all have "love" in them?

663. - They asked for it. - It's a big word.

664. I guess they heard it on the news.

665. - What the hell is this? - They're newlyweds.

666. This couple doesn't exist.

667. Anything matrimonial feels Paleolithic.

668. What are you suggesting? A little Haight-Ashbury colonial?

669. A couple of longhairs in love? That'll get Dow going.

670. As much as I'd like to join all the ads making fun

671. of the ubiquitous San Francisco hippie,

672. let's try to trade on the word "love" as something substantial.

673. I don't think that's possible in this context.

674. So why are we contributing to the trivialization of the word?

675. It doesn't belong in the kitchen.

676. "I love this." "I love my oven."

677. "You know what I'd love? I'd love a hamburger." We're wearing it out.

678. Let's leave it where we want it.

679. We want that electric jolt to the body.

680. We want Eros. It's like a drug.

681. It's not domestic.

682. What's the difference between a husband

683. knocking on a door and a sailor getting off a ship?

684. About 10,000 volts.

685. - Excuse me. - Oh.

686. - Don't let me interrupt. - No, we were...

687. just finishing up here.

688. These are great.

689. Good to hear.

690. - This is a pleasant surprise. - I got out early.

691. - Is that good or bad? - What?

692. Oh, no. Everything's fine. It was routine.

693. Well...

694. welcome to my hospital.

695. You want a coffee or something?

696. No. Thank you.

697. This is quite a spread.

698. Well, let's get you set up.

699. If I looked like you and talked like that,

700. I wouldn't have had to go to medical school.

701. Please, don't compare what I do to what you do.

702. I'm not. Just part of me was hoping that head was empty.

703. Can't resist cutting people open, can you?

704. All right, enough flirting. Where's my camera?

705. I think this is the best one.

706. I don't know what to say.

707. Say you're gonna be the first American

708. to complete a successful heart transplant

709. and that you'll appear in a magazine ad attributing your success to your Leica.

710. Well, if that's the only way you can give it to me.

711. - I was looking for you. - Here I am.

712. Dr. Arnold Rosen.

713. Sorry, this is Miss Chambers, my secretary.

714. I'm sorry, Dr. Rosen. I didn't know you were coming by.

715. Oh, no, it's not business. He's a friend.

716. They're ready in your office.

717. - Who? - They're setting up.

718. - The photographer. - I'll do it.

719. ( chuckles ) No, you're gonna need a couple weeks with those instructions.

720. This'll only take a minute. Have you had lunch?

721. No, I have a full afternoon.

722. But I think our wives are cooking something up for New Year's.

723. Told Sylvia to keep it in the building.

724. Wasn't my idea.

725. No, it'll be fun.

726. As long as I don't have to put on shoes, it sounds perfect.

727. And again, thanks for the toy.

728. See, but I'm free tonight.

729. So call in sick.

730. It's easier for them to replace you than me.

731. Don't get out of bed yet.

732. Yes?

733. I hate to disturb you, but it's very urgent.

734. Okay, okay, sit down.

735. I have to hang up. Looks like something bad happened.

736. Well, let me know if your situation changes. Bye.

737. Okay. Bye.

738. Bye. Bye.

739. What the hell is going on?

740. I got some tragic news. You should sit down.

741. I'll be fine.

742. Here.

743. Your Aunt Jessica called.

744. That's what I hung up for?

745. Your mother passed away this morning.

746. Caroline, honey,

747. she was 91 years old.

748. It's hardly a shock.

749. She was such a sweet woman and I know how close you were.

750. For 20 years, she's been saying this is her last Christmas.

751. She was always so polite to me

752. when she could hear me.

753. So I suppose I'm in charge of the arrangements.

754. You want to call your aunt back?

755. Nah. She's a fruitcake.

756. She'll want to have a séance.

757. Did she say what happened?

758. She had a stroke

759. in the bathroom.

760. Well, I asked, didn't I?

761. Talk to Joan. She'll know what to do.

762. - ( sobbing ) - Okay, okay.

763. Okay. You're gonna be okay.

764. Cheers.

765. Ah, yes. This is Peggy Olson

766. and I'm calling for Mr. Chaough.

767. Yes, this is Peggy Olson.

768. Let's not exaggerate. I've only called twice.

769. Look, Father—

770. oh, I'm sorry, Pastor.

771. I was raised Catholic.

772. Well, because my mother is.

773. My father is Lutheran.

774. Irish and Norwegian.

775. No, he passed away.

776. He was cremated.

777. Look, Pastor, I'm not saying

778. that you didn't give Mr. Chaough the message,

779. I'm just saying that it bears some urgency.

780. Yes, which is to say I don't think it would bother him at all

781. to know that I'm on the phone.

782. Certainly. Do you have a pen?

783. This is Peggy Olson

784. and I'm calling about the Super Bowl.

785. I'm in the office, he has the number.

786. How could you possibly have written that down that fast?

787. I don't know. I think it's gonna be Oakland or Houston against Green Bay.

788. And also with you.

789. Good night.

790. Phyllis, can I get some coffee?

791. It's gone cold.

792. Is this really necessary?

793. I just got back from Hawaii.

794. You're backlit,

795. so even with the tan you look like you haven't slept.

796. Don't roll down the sleeves. Roll them up.

797. - Really? - You know what, Chico?

798. Forget the tripod. Give me the camera.

799. Ahem.

800. What do I do?

801. I want to see you lost in that confident thought.

802. I want to see the brains behind this operation.

803. Well, for one thing, I'd be behind the desk

804. and my desk would be over there.

805. Just do what you do.

806. Give me a minute.

807. - ( camera clicks ) - That's good.

808. What's wrong?

809. Give me a little "Front Page."

810. You know, hands on the desk looking for an answer out that window.

811. What?

812. What do you want?

813. I want you to be yourself.