1. Remind me,
when did you stop taking the pills?
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2. They ran out on the 2nd.
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3. I'd say I would expect to be fertile again
at the end of the cycle,
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4. although from my experience,
it's more likely a month.
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5. All this time I've been afraid to skip one,
but it could take a month?
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6. Why don't you join him for basic training?
It would boost the men's morale.
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7. From what I remember,
San Antonio is lovely this time of year.
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8. We don't know when he's going.
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9. You've been married two years, Joan?
Most gals your age don't wait.
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10. We have a plan.
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11. JoJo, I know it's none of my business,
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12. but I only went to Korea
because they made me.
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13. I didn't have a choice or a wife.
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14. All I want to know is
if my husband and I can start a family...
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15. When my husband and I can start a family.
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16. Go get them.
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17. - Walter.
- Yes?
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18. I just want to make sure that...
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19. Well, you know I've had
a couple of procedures.
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20. I just want to make sure
they don't affect anything.
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21. A couple? I only remember one.
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22. There was one before that.
Should I be worried?
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23. Was the other performed by a physician?
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24. She said she was a midwife.
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25. Well, you got pregnant subsequently,
and I know everything went fine here.
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26. And, physically, everything looks fine.
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27. Like the song says,
"Whatever will be, will be."
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28. Happy New Year.
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29. - Good morning, Mr. Draper.
- Good morning, Allison.
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30. Coffee?
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31. Yes, please.
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32. I'm glad I caught you before you left.
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33. The flight's not until 12:30.
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34. Well, still, you've got to tight the tourists
for a taxi,
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35. and then if you hit traffic,
Triborough Bridge,
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36. somebody's always running out of gas,
and I think you know who.
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37. So I saw, on your way to Acapulco,
you have 24 hours in Los Angeles.
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38. What do you want?
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39. The Brown Derby, Bill Asher.
He'll probably try to cast you.
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40. - Morning, Don, Harry.
- Hello.
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41. - Am I interrupting?
- No.
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42. I'll see you at the traffic meeting
this afternoon.
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43. We're still doing that? Why?
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44. Just go to England already.
Stop feeling guilty.
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45. Take two weeks. You'll be twice as happy.
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46. I'm happy when I'm working.
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47. And I'm sure another day and a half of work
will not come close
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48. to the amount of fiddling about
you did in Los Angeles this year.
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49. Okay. Happy New Year, Don.
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50. There you are.
Please make sure he signs these.
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51. If I don't see you, happy New Year.
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52. Enjoy your family.
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53. - Would you like to sign these now?
- Might as well.
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54. So, what will you be doing?
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55. Don't worry. I'll be here till the bitter end.
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56. No, I mean for New Year's.
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57. I'm gonna go see my sister in Paterson
over the weekend,
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58. and, I don't know, probably Times Square.
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59. I always wondered who did that.
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60. It was a little scary last year,
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61. but I think we'll have a whole bunch of girls
this time.
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62. - And sailors.
- I'm sure.
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63. But for the rest of the week, if you want me
or someone else on your desk
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64. - for West Coast hours, I can arrange that.
- I'll be fine.
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65. Well, I'll let you know
when you should leave.
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66. Thank you.
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67. Why is the door shut?
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68. I don't like pipe smoke.
He's very considerate.
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69. - Could you tell him I'm here?
- What is this regarding?
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70. Sorry to bother you,
but since Roger's not here,
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71. I am sending Caroline uptown
to get me some fried chicken for lunch,
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72. and I know you like it. Interested?
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73. I am.
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74. Breast? Thigh?
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75. One of each.
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76. I wanted to ask you,
I would like to put in a request now
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77. for a few days off
the second week of January.
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78. But you have New Year's off.
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79. My husband's a doctor.
His schedule's not flexible.
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80. Why don't you go home
and ask him how he would feel
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81. about some nurse asking for a holiday
immediately following a holiday?
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82. I would be happy with two days.
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83. Our financial planning and expense budgets
for next year,
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84. I'll need you to assist me.
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85. We can do it now.
No one Knows why we're here anyway.
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86. Because there's work to do.
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87. And I understand that all men are dizzy
and powerless to refuse you,
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88. but consider me the incorruptible exception.
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89. Fried chicken indeed.
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90. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.
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91. Now don't go and cry about it.
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92. Excuse me?
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93. I said, don't go and cry about it.
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94. Hey.
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95. Get off my porch.
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96. You actually came.
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97. What the hell happened to your leg?
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98. It's broken.
It didn't work that well to begin with.
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99. How are you?
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100. You just need a little R&R.
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101. What happened?
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102. Here's the lesson.
Don't fry eggs in bare feet.
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103. Sit down.
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104. - What do you want?
- Half of what you have.
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105. You've got a leak.
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106. I fixed the roof. It just needs a little makeup.
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107. Call a painter.
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108. I don't know. Once it stopped smelling,
I kind of forgot about it.
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109. I wondered whose car that was. Hello, Dick-
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110. - Hello, Patty. It's been too long.
- Stephanie.
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111. Stephanie. Last time I saw you,
you didn't have front teeth.
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112. They're helping me
while I'm in my fragile state,
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113. although no one asked them to.
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114. Can I get you something?
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115. No, we live in South Pasadena.
It's a long drive.
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116. - Are you staying?
- Just for the night.
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117. - Here?
- Patty,
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118. remember you told me to tell you
if you were intruding?
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119. Try to keep her off her feet.
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120. The cast isn't stable,
and we don't need any more accidents.
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121. Aunt Anna, I just left everything on the bed.
I don't Know where things go.
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122. You can tell by looking.
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123. She's never gotten over me
flunking home-ec.
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124. Dick, fix her a drink.
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125. - Are you drinking age?
- Yes, but don't bother.
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126. Stephanie is studying Poli Sci at Cal.
She should be studying music.
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127. Berkeley? Are you sitting in?
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128. I agree with what they're doing,
but somebody's gotta go to class.
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129. - Steph, are you ready?
- Why don't you two stay for dinner?
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130. Glenn and I have a bridge game
at the Dicksons',
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131. and he's expecting a dinner of his own.
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132. Good, 'cause I only want her to stay.
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133. How will she get home?
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134. I have a car.
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135. Or she'll spend the night.
You can get her in the morning.
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136. Okay, you figure it out.
Good night, sweetheart.
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137. You know I'm very grateful.
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138. - If I don't see you, Dick, happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
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139. I'm going to wash the road off me,
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140. and then we are going to that place
with the beer and abalone.
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141. Perfect. Sounds like there's towels
all over the bed.
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142. Why am I staying?
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143. I wanted him to meet you,
and I know you've got grass.
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144. Hello.
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145. Come over here.
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146. Is that your dinner?
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147. I love your chicken.
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148. How was the doctor?
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149. Everything's good.
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150. Good. I have to go.
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151. Let me at least heat it up.
You can take it with you.
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152. Peabody's offered his place in the Poconos
for the 14th and 15th.
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153. Greg, I can't get away, not then.
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154. Jeanie, I have to work New Year's.
I had to trade it for January.
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155. Then get one of the Jewish docs to do it.
You worked on their holiday.
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156. Jeanie, you don't think
I'd rather be smelling perfume than Lysol?
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157. Tell me what you want me to do.
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158. Because it's not your problem, too?
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159. Why don't you just not show up?
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160. I'll lose my job.
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161. - We'll make it.
- Until when?
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162. Until I leave for basic,
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163. and then it's just a couple of weeks,
and then I'll be home.
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164. And then you're going to Vietnam.
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165. We don't know that.
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166. That makes me feel better.
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167. Just keep marking off the days
on the calendar
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168. while I keep planning for our future.
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169. I'll see you tomorrow
when you're on your way out.
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170. You don't even know when you're going!
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171. Soon.
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172. So I'd say Laura was the worst roommate.
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173. She had a nervous breakdown-
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174. One morning, she's reading the Bible
instead of her psych book.
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175. The next morning she woke me up,
leaning over me with this crazy smile
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176. and said, "Morning, Stephanie.
Have you heard the good news?"
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177. There are worse things.
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178. No, there aren't.
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179. Where did you go to school, Dick?
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180. I strung together
a few nonconsecutive years
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181. in night school, City College.
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182. A self-made man.
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183. What's it like taking off your suit
and returning to the wild?
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184. I really don't like
how political you're getting.
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185. I'm not political.
I just don't understand who's in charge.
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186. You're in charge.
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187. Trust me. I work in advertising.
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188. You're kidding me.
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189. It's pollution.
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190. So stop buying things.
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191. Don't think that's not possible.
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192. I'll say this in terms you'll understand.
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193. I will be right back after this brief message
from Jan and Dean.
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194. I like to think I had a bit of a hand in that.
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195. You and God.
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196. Young people are gonna save us.
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197. How would you feel
about me bringing the kids out this spring?
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198. Really?
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199. You know how badly
I've wanted to meet them.
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200. So what, I'll be their aunt?
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201. Wait till they tell Betty that.
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202. You told me you told her everything.
She'll understand.
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203. I don't think she'll ever understand.
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204. You had to know she'd be hurt.
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205. After I told her, I felt relieved.
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206. I kept thinking how small it was
compared to how long it went on.
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207. - Small?
- I know. I know.
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208. It's just...
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209. I could tell.
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210. The minute she saw who I really was,
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211. she never wanted to look at me again.
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212. Which is why I never told her.
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213. Dick.
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214. I'm sorry she broke your heart.
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215. I had it coming.
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216. I thought I'd play something
so you two could dance.
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217. How the hell am I gonna dance?
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218. I don't know how you ever danced to this.
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219. Come on.
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220. Keep your hands at 10:00 and 2:00.
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221. So you picked this song because it's old?
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222. That doesn't mean it's bad.
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223. It's kind of corny.
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224. I think it sounds like she's inviting us
to a very beautiful place
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225. where there's no surfing at all.
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226. Have you ever been there?
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227. No.
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228. But every time I hear this song, I want to go.
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229. I know for a fact
you did not break that leg making eggs.
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230. I used to love sitting,
and now that I have to, I hate it.
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231. I should get home.
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232. I'll drive you. I'll put the top up.
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233. That's okay. I'll hitch.
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234. I do it all the time.
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235. You'll get picked up by some creep.
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236. I guess this is safer.
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237. So, are you married or divorced?
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238. Couldn't I just be single?
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239. No. I mean, I'd be surprised.
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240. I'm divorced.
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241. Do you go on those dates
where you sit there
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242. and ask each other questions?
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243. It's a means to an end.
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244. But nobody knows
what's wrong with themselves,
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245. and everyone else can see it right away.
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246. - Thank you very much.
- it's my pleasure.
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247. So, what time's your flight tomorrow?
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248. Noon.
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249. Unless you think I should change it.
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250. What are you doing?
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251. I don't know.
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252. You're so beautiful and young.
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253. Anna and I
never had a romantic relationship.
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254. But you love her.
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255. For lots of reasons.
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256. And in a very different way.
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257. I have to tell you something,
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258. and I probably shouldn't.
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259. I promised I wouldn't,
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260. but I see you two together,
and I know I have to.
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261. Okay.
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262. Anna is...
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263. She has cancer-
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264. - What?
- it's why she broke her leg.
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265. It's in her bones. It's all over her body.
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266. I'm sorry.
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267. Cancer. Shit.
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268. I'm so sorry.
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269. Of course she's not gonna say a damn thing.
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270. She doesn't know.
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271. What?
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272. The doctors said she doesn't have long,
so there's no reason to tell her.
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273. Some quacks out in Pedro?
What are you going to do about it?
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274. My mom got a consultation.
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275. Your mother does not get to decide that.
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276. Please don't make me sorry that I told you.
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277. I didn't want you to leave here
and not know.
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278. Good morning.
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279. I woke up in a panic
because I thought I might've missed you-
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280. But it doesn't look like you're ready to go.
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281. - I thought I'd stay a little longer, if it's okay.
- Hell yes.
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282. Stay as long as you want.
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283. We'll see.
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284. If I had rolled over on this,
I would've had to smoke the dress.
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285. How'd you sleep?
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286. I was feeling no pain, as they say.
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287. In fact, I don't know if I would've woken up
if I hadn't heard that jet fly by.
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288. And I thought,
"Oh, my God. Dick left already."
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289. There's all kinds of aircraft here, you know.
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290. If we stay up tonight and we get lucky,
we'll see something you'll remember.
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291. If we keep smoking that.
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292. I've seen UFOs.
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293. There was a lot going on
during the missile scare,
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294. but it was different.
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295. You saw a UFO?
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296. You don't have to do that, you know.
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297. I want to.
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298. I'm not gonna fight watching Dick Whitman
paint my living room in his shorts.
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299. I'm so damn proud of you.
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300. I count on it.
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301. Does that scare you?
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302. The idea of another civilization
on another planet
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303. smart enough to find a way to get here?
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304. It doesn't scare me,
but the odds are against it.
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305. Well, I saw something once,
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306. and I'm telling you, it knocked me sideways.
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307. I started thinking of everything
I was sure was true
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308. and how flimsy it all might be.
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309. You don't need to see a UFO to know that.
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310. That's not a great way to think about things.
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311. I know everything about you,
and I still love you.
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312. Are you just gonna paint that corner?
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313. 'Cause a patch of new paint
is just as bad as a stain.
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314. What the hell is going on?
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315. You're gonna get arrested.
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316. No, you are. That's breaking and entering.
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317. I thought you had a flight to catch.
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318. I changed my plans.
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319. You just can't keep your pants on, can you?
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320. You never know what's gonna set her off.
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321. - I need to talk to you.
- I bet.
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322. I heard your car pull up at 2:30.
She's half your age.
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323. What's your plan?
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324. Just gonna let her wake up one day in agony
and you tell her it's over?
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325. I'm going to assume
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326. that you've done everything
in your limited means,
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327. but I'm here now.
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328. She's gonna see some real doctors,
and she's not gonna live in the dark.
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329. We showed the X-rays
to specialists, everybody.
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330. It's very advanced.
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331. Specialists? You don't think she knows
something's going on?
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332. She had polio. She's been going to doctors
since she was eight. Maybe...
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333. I don't know.
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334. She hasn't let on,
so this is the way it's gonna be.
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335. I understand you feel guilty, but don't.
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336. Go to Acapulco.
There's nothing for you to do here.
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337. She is very important to me.
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338. I'm gonna do what I have to.
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339. You have no say in the affairs of this family.
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340. You're just a man in a room
with a checkbook. I'm sorry.
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341. Please do the decent thing.
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342. The longer you're here,
the more likely you are to say something.
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343. She thinks you brought the pot, I bet.
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344. If it wasn't for my niece,
we'd have killed each other by now.
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345. She means well, and she's family.
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346. I wouldn't have picked her.
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347. I'm just saying not everybody has that.
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348. You have your kids. I bet that's better.
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349. It's different.
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350. I have to tell you something.
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351. What's wrong?
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352. I have to go.
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353. I'm sorry.
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354. I thought I could stay, but I can't.
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355. I don't care.
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356. I want you to.
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357. I want you to do everything you want to do.
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358. I'll bring the kids out at Easter.
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359. We'll go to Catalina, see the bison.
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360. Acapulco.
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361. Do you think there's more Mexicans here
or there?
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362. Joan.
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363. Open it.
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364. They're beautiful.
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365. It's so encouraging to see someone
happily married around here.
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366. Peggy, why don't you go home?
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367. I'll tell everyone
you have something important to do.
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368. Really? I have to buy a dress.
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369. New Year's Eve, big group of girls,
you'll want to stand out.
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370. No, I'm spending it with Mark.
My boyfriend?
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371. Happy New Year.
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372. Excuse me.
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373. - "Darling, I've been an ass. Kisses, Lane"?
- What?
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374. I am not your darling,
and I don't want your kisses.
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375. - What?
- I thought American men were bad enough,
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376. but none of them has ever so consistently
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377. made me feel like
a helpless, stupid little girl.
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378. Calm down. I did send you flowers,
but I also sent flowers to my wife in London.
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379. The sentiments were very different,
I assure you. Sandy!
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380. - Is everything okay?
- Yes.
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381. Just get back to work. Sandy!
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382. Did it ever occur to you
how sensitive these deliveries were?
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383. How often do I send flowers?
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384. I ordered the flowers from Rhinelander's.
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385. They assured me they were going
to contact your florist in London,
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386. and somehow they mixed them up.
It's not my fault.
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387. Sandra, everyone makes mistakes,
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388. but the fact that you're the kind of person
who cannot accept blame is egregious.
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389. I don't know what that means.
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390. It means I can't believe I hired you.
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391. You had one simple task.
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392. I don't even know if I can call to apologize.
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393. What exactly did Mrs. Harris' note say?
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394. It said, "Joan, forgive me. Lane."
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395. You're fired. Go get your things.
You'll be paid through the end of the year.
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396. Those instructions you understood!
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397. I'll have Megan clean this up.
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398. What are you doing?
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399. You inspired me.
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400. Would you like to sign your work?
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401. - Really?
- Pick a spot on the wall.
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402. You should swim as much as you can there.
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403. It'll clear your head.
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404. But no cliff diving.
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405. Hey. You'll be fine.
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406. You'll make the best of it. You always do.
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407. You know you can call me
if you need anything.
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408. Goodbye, Anna.
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409. Goodbye, Dick.
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410. Mn Draper?
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411. Mr. Draper?
Copy !req
412. - Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
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413. Hey, what are you doing up?
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414. I figured since we missed it here,
we could celebrate it in Hawaii.
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415. Look at that.
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416. I'm sorry. I ate dinner at 3:00.
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417. A bowl of cottage cheese in the cafeteria?
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418. How about a glass
of fresh-squeezed orange juice?
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419. Sure.
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420. The nurses spent five minutes
trying to get this girl's contact lenses out.
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421. She was screaming.
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422. It turns out her friend was the one
with the contact lenses.
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423. God!
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424. - Oh, God.
- Let me see.
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425. - I cut it really bad, Greg. It really hurts.
- Jesus.
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426. Hold this.
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427. - Just take me to the hospital.
- Sit down.
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428. Greg, you don't have to do this.
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429. Would you stop?
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430. Isn't there some medical ethical law
against operating on your wife?
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431. I want you to calm down.
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432. For me, this is like,
I don't know, filing some papers is for you.
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433. I do it all the time.
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434. I don't do that anymore.
I have other people do that.
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435. It's really throbbing. Let me get my coat.
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436. Hey, since when have we had
that bird's nest on the ceiling?
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437. I usually save that for kids.
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438. Now, don't move.
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439. One hillbilly says to the other,
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440. "You wanna play 20 questions?"
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441. The other hillbilly says, "What is that?"
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442. He says,
"I write something on a piece of paper,
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443. "and you get 20 questions
to guess what it be."
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444. So he takes out a piece of paper
and writes "donkey dick" on it.
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445. The other hillbilly takes a second to think
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446. and asks, "Can I eat it?"
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447. The other hillbilly says,
"I might reckon you could."
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448. The other one says,
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449. "Is it donkey dick?"
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450. Cohen told me that.
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451. Come on. it's fine.
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452. I'm not crying 'cause it hurts.
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453. Everything's gonna be okay.
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454. When?
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455. Jeanie.
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456. I can't fix anything else,
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457. but I can fix this.
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458. Hello?
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459. Hello?
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460. I thought you were in Acapulco.
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461. I didn't feel like it.
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462. You should be in England with your family.
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463. Too much to do.
They'll be back soon enough.
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464. I have a sandwich in the refrigerator.
It's very large.
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465. No, thank you. Do you mind?
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466. Help yourself.
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467. I received something rather special
from my father
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468. - for my birthday.
- What is it?
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469. Who knows?
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470. He's one of those alcoholics
who thinks that he's collecting.
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471. Chin-chin.
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472. - There's no...
- No bite at all.
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473. Well,
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474. I will let you get back to your business.
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475. I made a discovery
as I slowly pulled back from the records.
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476. I can't take any more bad news, Lane.
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477. Although things are precarious financially,
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478. it's been a magnificent year.
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479. Lane!
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480. - What?
- Come here.
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481. We're going to the movies.
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482. - Do you think we should?
- Does Howdy Doody have a wooden dick?
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483. Zorba the Greek, seen it,
but would see it again.
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484. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World. No kidding.
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485. - Send Me No Flowers.
- No.
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486. The Guns of August.
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487. I hate guns and I hate August.
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488. It's all over the rug.
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489. We'll have to smoke the dress.
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490. Well, I don't know that one.
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491. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.
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492. Catherine Deneuve.
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493. Apparently, it's for all the young lovers
of the world.
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494. This movie is very good.
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495. You know what's going on here, don't you?
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496. - Handjobs.
- Is that right?
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497. What percentage do you think?
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498. Do you mind?
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499. Monster!
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500. You like it here?
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501. I do. I do. Even alone.
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502. You remind me of a chap I knew in school.
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503. We followed him around in a pack,
and he didn't notice we were there.
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504. He died in a motorcycle crash.
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505. Rebecca convinced me
that you were all on holiday together
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506. without me.
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507. I suppose we haven't been very welcoming.
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508. Campbell's friendly,
although I believe unintentionally.
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509. But my wife is quite severe with people,
including me.
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510. I'm sorry to hear that.
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511. I wanted to bring our families
to New York for the holidays,
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512. but she was terribly homesick.
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513. We had an argument, a series of arguments,
and she left.
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514. I then weakened and sent her flowers.
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515. Tried to, anyway.
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516. Then we had a rather solemn phone call
in which she told me she was not returning.
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517. Then she put my son on the phone.
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518. That's tough.
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519. How did you know when you were done?
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520. It wasn't my decision.
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521. And I've learned the hard way
not to give advice in these situations.
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522. You were supposed to tell me
to get on a plane.
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523. Is that what you want?
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524. Or is that what people expect of you?
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525. I want my beef.
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526. Here it is.
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527. I was going to call a lady friend of mine.
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528. I'm supposed to meet her downtown.
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529. Do you want her to bring a friend?
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530. No, no. No, thank you.
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531. What are you gonna do?
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532. We can pretend it's New Year's. It actually is.
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533. If you don't mind.
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534. It's the least I can do.
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535. - I'm not hungry.
- What?
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536. Not hungry
for this beautiful piece of American meat?
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537. Look at me!
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538. I got a big Texas belt buckle!
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539. I'm thinking, "Did my mother get suspicious
and Call the fuzz?"
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540. ”We know you're practicing self-abuse.
Please come out with your hand up. ”
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541. I see we have an anniversary here tonight.
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542. Look at these two, George and Martha.
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543. Tell me, what's it like when your eyes meet
across a crowded men's room?
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544. Wall Street, does it bother your parents
that he's so ugly?
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545. So we all want to know
at the end of the night,
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546. when it's just the two of you,
who picks up the check?
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547. We're not homosexuals! We're divorced!
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548. Don't.
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549. Man- Now they're gonna fight in the car
all the way home.
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550. "Honey why'd you provoke the comedian?"
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551. Okay, now welcome
a talented young musician
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552. whose mother says he's the next Bob Dylan.
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553. - Candace, this is Lane.
- And this is my friend Janine.
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554. - Hello.
- A pleasure.
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555. I guess I was wrong. You're not queers.
You're rich.
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556. A warm welcome for Rudy Jensen.
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557. - You ladies look lovely.
- Why, thank you.
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558. It's true.
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559. I love this song.
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560. - Really? He wrote it.
- Don't. She'll believe anything.
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561. What?
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562. Let's get out of here.
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563. You have no mixers at all and no food.
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564. I love your apartment. It's very manly.
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565. It came this way.
I think Norman Mailer shot a deer over there.
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566. I love deer.
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567. Get your tail in here and help me.
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568. She seems to know her way around
in your kitchen.
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569. What's that like?
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570. I told you I don't like giving advice
in these situations.
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571. Why don't you show me around?
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572. I suppose I am a bit curious myself.
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573. Not in there.
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574. What happened to Acapulco?
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575. She does not go to Barnard.
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576. Guys like him like that.
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577. - Come on. Let's go in the other room.
- No.
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578. Here.
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579. Morning.
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580. Morning.
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581. I'm terribly thirsty.
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582. We'll have coffee in a minute.
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583. Just a glass of water, please.
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584. What do I owe you for the evening?
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585. - Don't worry about it.
- I should pay.
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586. The girl, how much was she?
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587. $25.
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588. Fascinating.
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589. Here's $30.
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590. Well, I shall be running along.
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591. Thank you for the welcome distraction.
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592. Sorry.
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593. All right. Gentlemen, shall we begin 1965?
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