Mad Men 3x5

1. I was expecting the Piersons as well, but they're not coming. Please.

2. My goodness. Of course. Here, take mine.

3. I appreciate that both of you are here.

4. What happened?

5. The children were at the water fountain during gym

6. and Sally told Becky Pierson she should save some for the fish,

7. and Becky ignored her,

8. and Sally hit the back of her head and her face went into the spigot.

9. And then Becky went after her... Hair pulling, scratching.

10. She didn't need stitches in the end, I understand?

11. This girl, this Becky Pierson, Sally told me she's a bruiser.

12. She's heavy.

13. The children poke pencils into her sides when she's sitting

14. - because they think she can't feel it. - Sally doesn't do that, does she?

15. No.

16. But this bad behavior is new.

17. I know that you're expecting a child, but she already has a little brother.

18. I guess what I'm asking is, has anything changed at home recently?

19. My... My father passed away. Last week.

20. The week before... Two weeks now.

21. - I feel terrible for bringing that up for you. - Well, it has not been easy.

22. Is this Grandpa Gene we're talking about? That poor thing.

23. - Sally didn't mention it? - Why didn't you call us or send a note?

24. I don't think she missed a day. Did she go to the funeral?

25. - Why would we put her through that? - I don't think children belong in graveyards.

26. No, of course not.

27. Now I realize why she was asking all those questions

28. - about Medgar Evers' murder. - She was?

29. I'm sorry.

30. - I have to use the ladies room again. - We can talk about this another time.

31. No, I'm not as upset as I look. I can't help this.

32. - I am mortified. - It's not a good time.

33. No, and it really should be, shouldn't it?

34. Sally does need more attention. She's grieving.

35. There is a very special pain to losing someone at that age.

36. I don't know if you can understand that.

37. I can.

38. Mrs. Draper, I was just talking to your husband and this really can wait.

39. Are you sure?

40. Because I just want to put it behind us.

41. I really just want everything to be okay when the baby comes.

42. It's going to be a beautiful summer.

43. "Tipped a barman: 75 cents. Hat-check tip at bar: 50 cents.

44. "Cab to restaurant: $1.12. Tipped the cab driver: 38 cents.

45. "Dinner at Hausner's: $19.44."

46. It's better to have a bit of Don Draper than no Don Draper at all.

47. I'd like that in writing.

48. It seems strange that the two of you went on the same overnight trip

49. and you put in for $70 and he put in for $82.

50. If I were lying, wouldn't I have made it a round number?

51. - Not that Don's lying. - I signed his receipts, didn't I?

52. Which brings us to the undocumented portion of my assessment.

53. The amount of pencils, pens, pads, paper and postage

54. that are currently being consumed suit a company four times our size.

55. It has also been brought to my attention that a credenza has disappeared,

56. a theft that I believe necessitates a conspiracy.

57. People forget that Karl Marx was the greatest economist who ever lived,

58. and whatever you think of his solution, the problem he posed

59. was about the catastrophic up-and-down of the marketplace.

60. Tell the folks at Admiral that Karl Marx says everything's okay.

61. Boom and bust. Bull and bear. "I need a TV."I have a TV."

62. Damn it, Paul, someone helped Ken cherry-pick

63. all of Burt's successful accounts and I've been left with the dogs.

64. - Admiral is not a dog. - Sales are flat. It's all over their memos.

65. And now I have to look them in the eye with nothing. Except maybe new creative.

66. Stop it.

67. Now you're interested. There are some areas of growth, and I mean literally, areas.

68. Atlanta, Oakland, Chicago, Detroit, Newark, DC.

69. Greatjazz cities.

70. And I left out St. Louis and Kansas City, also growing.

71. - What does that mean? - Great jazz musicians?

72. Seriously, is it possible that these Admirals are being bought by negroes?

73. Lois caught her scarf putting paper in the Xerox.

74. Maybe when Joan leaves I can finally get rid of her.

75. Can you pretend like you're back in the media department

76. and tell me what this says to you? Look at the cities.

77. Is it possible that negroes are out-buying other people two-to-one?

78. You could jump to that conclusion, I suppose.

79. Did you hear about Lois? You got a winner there, Kinsey.

80. - Did you see it? - I did.

81. So what's everybody doing tonight? Baby. Married. Kinsey?

82. Do you want to go to the Mets game? Tickets and a watch.

83. - Why, thank you, Birds Eye. - Does the watch say "Birds Eye" on it?

84. No, it says, "Hamilton Electric." What time is it? What time isn't it?

85. - Admiral is happy. We're happy. - They're not happy!

86. "Morris, comma, in reference to retooling the factory

87. "for London Fog children's and young adults..."

88. I thought I'd bring you the minutes to the meeting, since you had to run off.

89. You're wasting paper.

90. I'd have to make 1,000 to keep up with your department.

91. They waste paper because they throw out bad ideas.

92. They waste paper because they use it to sop up spilled drinks,

93. right after their mid-afternoon naps.

94. You came here because we do this better than you,

95. and part of that is letting our creatives be unproductive until they are.

96. Pennies make pounds and pounds make profits.

97. I don't want to talk to you this way. I've tried it before and it never works.

98. - You're not usually this emotional. - You want to make money?

99. Start getting your nails dirty with Bert Cooper and Harry Crane.

100. Clients love to pay for media and creative needs pencils.

101. I suppose I hadn't necessarily thought of it that way.

102. And lay off of expense accounts.

103. Think of the men's morale, not just your own.

104. You've obviously seen Bridge on the River Kwai.

105. I've seen everything. You have my ticket stubs.

106. Your uncle Herman is on the line. He won't leave a message.

107. Uncle Herman? My goodness, is Aunt Alice all right?

108. - Who is this? - It's Peter. Dottie's boy. You called me.

109. - It's Duck. Duck Phillips. - Duck.

110. Sorry for the cloak and dagger. I didn't want to set off any alarm bells.

111. My name is Herman, you know that.

112. Except that I actually have an Uncle Herman and he's 91.

113. That's a sick joke. I apologize. It's been too long.

114. I don't know if you heard, but I'm at Grey now.

115. What's that like?

116. People walking around the halls all the time, laughing their heads off?

117. We're going to have lunch, you know.

118. I don't know, Duck. It doesn't sound like a good idea.

119. Campbell, this is beyond "No hard feelings."

120. I won't waste your time. Haven't I always been on your side?

121. - When? - I'll have my girl call your girl.

122. I'll say it's Clorox.

123. Hello? Anyone home?

124. I'll get it. Hello?

125. - Mr. Draper? - Yes.

126. This is Suzanne Farrell, Sally's teacher. I'm not interrupting dinner, am I?

127. - No. - I just felt I should call and apologize

128. about our meeting this morning.

129. Why?

130. Well, I...

131. What I mean is, my father died when I was eight

132. and I might have overdone it, relating to Sally in that way.

133. I didn't mean to upset your wife, and...

134. I guess I can get a little caught up in things and lose perspective.

135. I don't know why I'm calling. I'm embarrassing myself.

136. No, you're fine.

137. - If there's anything I can do... - Don?

138. Betts!

139. Thanks for the call.

140. - It's time to go. - Okay, we're going. Let me get my keys.

141. They're in your hand.

142. Francine took the kids. Who was that?

143. No one.

144. If you're parked in emergency, you'll have to move soon.

145. First, let's make sure it's not a false alarm.

146. - This is my third time. - We sent you home before?

147. No, third baby.

148. Your job's done. The solarium's down the hall to the right.

149. Hang in there, Betts.

150. I came in early to cover for a friend,

151. so there's a chance I'll see you the whole way through.

152. Daddy!

153. You can scream and yell as much as you want in this hallway,

154. - but we're about to pass the nursery. - Of course.

155. Excuse me.

156. I know it's silly, but I seem to be having trouble with this pen.

157. - I believe it's empty. - I gotta go.

158. Are you planning to give the baby the breast?

159. - No. - Last time you ate?

160. Lunch. Toast, cottage cheese, pineapple.

161. Pineapple? What were you thinking? Anything else, sweetheart?

162. - Life Savers. - Has your water broken?

163. My water never breaks. When will Dr. Aldridge be here?

164. Joseph Waddell?

165. - I'm Dennis Hobart. - That's good to know.

166. I haven't seen anybody in an hour. What's going on?

167. - Well, we've had a shift change. - My wife, Pam, Pamela Hobart.

168. She's fine. The baby's breech. We're calling in a specialist.

169. - What? - Didn't somebody get your permission?

170. Damn it, what is with you people? I don't know a damn thing!

171. Please don't raise your voice.

172. Now, I apologize, but we need your permission.

173. - Do whatever you have to do. - We'll update you religiously. Promise.

174. This is not how I pictured it. Where's all the backslapping?

175. You know, I brought this because I thought it'd be a party in here.

176. - It's not, but I'll have one. - Right now?

177. Whenever you want.

178. I left work this morning. I've been here all day.

179. I am so bored.

180. I even called in. Like the prison can't run without me.

181. - You done this before? - Twice.

182. - And yet I never thought to bring a bottle. - Well, what are we supposed to do?

183. My daughter took forever. I remember being pretty worked up.

184. And the nurse said, "Don't forget.

185. "Your wife's in the boat. You're on the shore."

186. - The other one a boy? - Yes.

187. You throw the ball around?

188. Not enough.

189. All right, Mrs. Draper, I'm going to need you to get on the bed

190. so I can prepare you for delivery. This part should be familiar.

191. I'll shave you and then give you a quick low enema.

192. Well, the good news is, time has stopped.

193. I'd like to have a gold watch one day, but I can't, you know?

194. You don't want to have anything on you like that.

195. Would they attack you?

196. I knew it was just a matter of time before you started with the questions.

197. I bet you have a nightmare where you end up in Sing Sing, right? Everybody does.

198. - I do. - So what's it like?

199. You're outnumbered, but you got the power.

200. Kind of like being a king.

201. - Except your subjects want to kill you. - Maybe, but they don't,

202. 'cause they know I'm dangerous, and I got a badge, which they respect.

203. How do they know you're dangerous?

204. Well, they're not all bad. There's extremes.

205. We've got death row and then we've got the baseball team.

206. In '29, they played the Yankees.

207. Everybody in stripes.

208. You're a funny one.

209. I tell a lot of jokes at work. You hear some doozies.

210. I have to watch what I do when I leave work, be careful not to bring it home.

211. Especially with a kid, right?

212. Just yesterday I was in A block

213. and I thought, "Every single one of these animals,

214. "their mother had them, they were a baby."

215. And I think, "There they are, on the other side of the fence."

216. And you know what? Every one of them would blame their mom and dad.

217. - That's a bullshit excuse. - That's true, Don.

218. You have little veins. Breathe and think about the beauty parlor.

219. - Do you need to call someone else in? - It's in.

220. The medication will help with the pain and put you in a twilight sleep.

221. - Where is Dr. Aldridge? - He's in the city.

222. He went to Mama Leone's for his anniversary. Isn't that sweet?

223. Is he drinking?

224. 'Cause my Aunt Emma, her doctor was drunk,

225. and he ruined her bladder.

226. Dr. Mendelowitz, the obstetrician, is on duty and will fill in.

227. - I don't want him. I don't know him. - He's our top man.

228. I want Dr. Aldridge.

229. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

230. I don't want another doctor. I want my doctor.

231. Sit back. You're at 5 centimeters.

232. That's halfway from here to the Hebrides and other mountain ranges,

233. which we are currently studying in chapter 12.

234. The doctor will be here and there.

235. The Hebrides are islands.

236. Try it now.

237. Thank you, Sister.

238. What do you make her for? Sixteen?

239. Pam was screaming at me in the car.

240. - I don't think that's unusual. - That's my girl in there.

241. If something happens to her,

242. I just don't know what I'd do.

243. And then there'd be that baby. How could I love that baby?

244. Our worst fears lie in anticipation.

245. You're so sure about that?

246. - I want to go home, you bitch! - Please relax!

247. Let go of me! Get your hands off me! Where's Don?

248. - He's in the waiting room. - No, she can't hear you.

249. The hell I can't. Where is he? Where's Don?

250. - He's in the waiting room. - Bullshit.

251. He's never where you expect him to be.

252. Have you seen him? Have you been with him?

253. Seven centimeters. She's starting transition.

254. Someone call him. I don't want to be here.

255. Push the Demerol, 25 milligrams.

256. I'm just a housewife. Why are you doing this to me?

257. Mr. Hobart? Congratulations. You have a little baby boy.

258. - Oh, my God. - Your wife and your baby are doing fine.

259. Can I go in? Can I see her?

260. Not right now. She lost a lot of blood and had a transfusion.

261. - What? Please, I have to see her. - Please, she's in recovery, resting.

262. But you can go to the nursery and look in at your son. It's just down the hall.

263. Thank you.

264. A baby boy.

265. - Congratulations. - You're all right, Don.

266. I'm sure yours is gonna be good, too.

267. You know what? I know it.

268. Thanks, Dennis.

269. You're an honest guy. Believe me. I'm an expert.

270. Go see your baby.

271. Why do they put up with us? You know, we don't deserve it.

272. This is a fresh start. I don't know who's up there,

273. so I'm saying this to you. I'm gonna be better.

274. I'm gonna be a better man.

275. Tell me you heard me.

276. I heard you.

277. Don't fight the urge to bear down.

278. I can't. I can't. I can't do it.

279. Either you can do it or we will, but it's going to come out some way.

280. Daddy?

281. - Who are you? - It's me.

282. I don't know you.

283. It's me, Elizabeth.

284. You do know me.

285. - Okay, so it's me. - What are you doing here?

286. - I had to go away. - Well, don't you miss me?

287. Of course. Listen.

288. Nobody knows I'm here, okay?

289. Am I dying?

290. Ask your mother. Tell her, Ruthie.

291. Elizabeth, shut your mouth. You'll catch flies.

292. I left my lunch pail on the bus and I'm having a baby.

293. You see what happens to people who speak up?

294. Be happy with what you have.

295. You'll be okay. You're a house cat.

296. You're very important and you have little to do.

297. - She's beautiful. - It's a boy.

298. You look terrible.

299. - How do you feel? - I need to put my face on.

300. You look beautiful, Betts.

301. - Gene. - What did you say?

302. His name is Eugene.

303. We don't have to decide that now.

304. Gene.

305. Did you get any sleep?

306. No, and I don't expect to for the next six months.

307. I wasn't sure where to put it all.

308. Mr. Draper's office. Please hold. It's Mr. Sterling. Are you in?

309. - Roger. - Dada.

310. - Where are you? - Down the hall.

311. How's Betty? She perform like a champ?

312. - She did. - I need his initials.

313. Jane's gonna put them on the back of her yacht or something for him.

314. No name yet.

315. There's a lot of guys twiddling their thumbs down in art.

316. - Why were you in the art department? - Lane was.

317. Apparently, we're all backed up. No one will move forward without your approval.

318. - I missed half a day. - Well, Betty had the baby, not you.

319. - I'll see what I can do. - Good.

320. That guy's a tick. See you at the traffic meeting.

321. Can I get some coffee?

322. You know what it's like in that office. No one ever buys me lunch.

323. - I like the turtleneck. - Really?

324. - Come. Join us. - What is she doing here?

325. Don't worry about it. I know what I'm doing.

326. - No, you don't. - Have a nosh.

327. Two months at Grey and you're already having a nosh?

328. I didn't know until I got here.

329. Look, I woke up one day and had a realization.

330. - You two have a secret relationship. - What? That's ridiculous.

331. Come on. The way you handled that Freddy Rumsen thing

332. so that she could move up?

333. I've been doing this a long time. I know what I saw.

334. - That's not what happened. - You can be modest if you want to,

335. but that kind of focused ambition is rare in advertising.

336. Thank you.

337. I want to take you both with me to the promised land.

338. At Grey, an account man is expected to have ideas,

339. and creatives are expected to be geniuses.

340. You'll be sitting on velvet pillows, showered with riches, awards.

341. - We're not going anywhere. Well, she can. - Do we have to go together?

342. Pete, I know you have ideas and you're a risk-taker.

343. Sterling Cooper is never going to reward that.

344. Well, thank you. Anything else?

345. Don't be a baby. You should be taking meetings like this twice a week.

346. If you want to woo me, you'll have to buy me my own lunch.

347. - Maybe I should leave, too. - Why would you do that?

348. You're so talented. You should strike while the iron's hot.

349. - What does that mean? - It means the sky's the limit.

350. No mortgage, no family.

351. You're a freewheeling career gal with great ideas. Am I wrong?

352. - I don't know. - This is your time, Peggy.

353. Let me ask you something, Hollis. What type of TV do you have?

354. - An RCA. - Really?

355. Color? Why did you get it?

356. - To watch TV. - But why an RCA specifically?

357. I didn't see any difference, I guess.

358. Sixteen. Good afternoon, gentlemen.

359. A lot of negroes prefer Admiral. I've done research.

360. I have an RCA.

361. - So, do your friends buy Admirals? - I'm sorry, sir. I can't really say.

362. Look. This is important and I'd really like to have an honest conversation with you.

363. I don't want to get into trouble.

364. - It's just us. It's just Hollis and... - Mr. Campbell.

365. Do you think I'm a bigot?

366. I just want to know why you bought your TV.

367. - I don't know. I don't remember. - It's your TV. It's a big purchase.

368. - I don't even watch the damn thing. - Really? Why not?

369. Why should I? We've got bigger problems to worry about than TV, okay?

370. You're thinking about this in a very narrow way.

371. The idea is that everyone is going to have a house, a car, a television...

372. The American dream.

373. - It's my job. - Everyjob has its ups and downs.

374. You don't watch baseball? I don't believe you.

375. - What are you doing out of bed? - I smelled something.

376. - What are you making? - A snack. You want some?

377. - I didn't know you could cook. - Mommy's much better at it.

378. - Are you looking for a chick? - I am.

379. Miss Farrell told us about that when we went to the farm.

380. But she says those eggs can never become a chicken,

381. - even though they come out of a chicken. - Why's that?

382. Because they're from the store.

383. And you know what else? If you hold an egg up and it has veins in it,

384. - you can shake it, then eat it. - Really?

385. It's called addling.

386. Is the baby gonna live in Grandpa Gene's room?

387. It's not Grandpa Gene's room. It's the baby's room.

388. - I thought it was gonna be a girl. - Well, I thought you were gonna be a boy.

389. Not all surprises are bad.

390. - Everything's gonna be fine. - That's what Miss Farrell said.

391. Well, then I guess it must be true.

392. Burt Peterson's firing was undignified. Building security. That's all I'll say.

393. Confirm a couple of rumors. Did he throw a desk chair against a window

394. only to have it bounce back and knock him over?

395. Not that I know of.

396. Did he make a number two in a file cabinet?

397. Burt Peterson lived hard and loved hard. So, Harry here is an expert in media.

398. - Television. The air, not the sets. - Now, Admiral Television sales are flat.

399. - We know that. - But as we studied your indices,

400. we realized that they're not flat everywhere.

401. In fact, among negroes, sales are actually growing.

402. - We know that, too. - You do?

403. No, of course you do.

404. These are your numbers, but I think we've discovered an interesting strategy.

405. This is Ebony.

406. By negroes, for negroes.

407. Jet. Space in these magazines costs far less than what you currently spend.

408. Daily newspapers that go just to this market for pennies on the dollar.

409. And?

410. Shift a portion of the media budget from lower-indexing white areas

411. to this market, where it can do more good.

412. They already like it and we can make them buy more by increasing the exposure.

413. A 5% sales bump in Detroit alone

414. would make you the same profit as a 2% increase system-wide.

415. And ads on television geared to this market and white markets

416. - will have double the effect. - A negro ad and a white ad?

417. So, Campbell, you're making twice the ads for us now.

418. No, do them together. Integrate it.

419. - I don't think that's legal. - Of course it's legal.

420. Look, this conversation is not worth having.

421. Who's to say that negroes aren't buying Admiral televisions

422. because they think white people want them?

423. - Miss Oison is here to see you. - Send her in.

424. Sorry.

425. I know he doesn't need clothes, but don't return it.

426. I'm the youngest. I never had anything new.

427. - You didn't have to do that. - I did.

428. No one told me they were all going in on it together.

429. I heard you were back at work, but now I wonder if that's true.

430. I invited you in.

431. I don't know if this is the best time. I don't know. It's kind of serious.

432. I've been thinking about my situation here,

433. and I'm so grateful to you for all you've done.

434. I just...

435. Well, you know, I'm paid very little.

436. My secretary doesn't respect me because I make $71 more a week than she does.

437. Maybe we need to get you a cheaper secretary.

438. Paul Kinsey does the same work that I do, and not as well sometimes.

439. And I don't know if you read it in the paper, but they passed a law

440. where women who do the same work as men will get paid the same thing.

441. Equal pay.

442. It's not a good time.

443. It's not a good time for me, Don. Do you know how expensive this city is?

444. It's not gonna happen, Peggy, not now. I'm fighting for paperclips around here.

445. Third time. It must be old hat.

446. - You're gonna be fine, Peggy. - I look at you and I think,

447. - "I want what he has." - Really?

448. You have everything, and so much of it.

449. I suppose that's probably true.

450. What do you want me to say?

451. I don't think I could have been any clearer.

452. You see what's been going on here the last six months?

453. What if this is my time?

454. Hey.

455. - Where are you going? - To the ladies room. You want to join me?

456. - Did you tell Don about Duck? - That's none of your business.

457. Sure, they hear you're shopping around, they'll want you more, but me?

458. I'm sharing my job with Kenny. I'm already redundant.

459. You have relationships with your clients. That's leverage.

460. - Did you say something? - It's my decision, Pete.

461. Your decisions affect me.

462. If it isn't Martin Luther King. I should dropkick you off the roof.

463. Admiral Television has no interest in becoming a colored television company.

464. But they are. It seems illogical to me

465. that they would reject an opportunity to make more money.

466. Then again, I'm in advertising.

467. This is a sensitive issue. Businesses hate that.

468. Let me put it in account terms.

469. Are you aware of the number of hand jobs I'm gonna have to give?

470. Am I being taken off the account?

471. I'm going to have to pretend I had you killed!

472. Sales are flat. I had to do something.

473. I don't know if anyone's ever told you that half the time

474. this business comes down to, "I don't like that guy."

475. Are we done with the flogging?

476. Never as good as you think it's gonna be.

477. If I may. Bert, Roger,

478. it does seem as though there's money to be made in the negro market.

479. Obviously not with Admiral,

480. but I don't think it would be wrong of us to pursue it in some way.

481. Really?

482. I've just moved here. I'm a stranger in a strange land,

483. but I can tell you there's definitely something going on.

484. We'll look into it. You can go.

485. - We're here! - She's here!

486. - Mommy! Daddy! - Mommy! Mommy!

487. Welcome, welcome!

488. Mommy!

489. - Careful. - Here, let me take him.

490. I missed you so much.

491. Wait till you see your fridge.

492. If there's a power outage, you can feed the entire street for a month.

493. - Hi, baby. I'm your brother, Bobby. - Remember, you have to be careful.

494. How was it?

495. You know. It was all a fog.

496. You're making a mistake not forcing Carla to stay.

497. She's been away from her family. And I can manage.

498. - I know some girls. - You want something to eat?

499. - Sure. - I got it. Come on.