Mad Men 1x13

1. I like this for the powder room, but definitely not the bedroom.

2. It's a little busy.

3. I'm not sure.

4. It's not the curtains I'm worried about, but the cabinets.

5. Nixon didn't stand a chance.

6. The Browns trounced the Redskins, 31-10.

7. The result of that last home game

8. has correctly predicted the last six elections.

9. I wish someone would have told me that.

10. Of course, it's really a 50/50 chance of being right.

11. I want to treat you like a son because... I feel that way towards you.

12. Okay.

13. Trudy told us that you were up for a promotion

14. and you didn't get it or something.

15. I wish she hadn't.

16. Now, she loves you.

17. And honestly,

18. I think you need to take a little focus off your work.

19. This from one of the top salesmen at Vicks Chemical.

20. When you started talking

21. about that Clearasil company you bought...

22. Now, that was kind of worth bragging about.

23. Did you know that there's a surge in adolescence right now?

24. I'll tell you, Sterling Cooper and yours truly

25. would love to help you deliver that message.

26. See? Now that's what I'm talking about.

27. The only family and business you should be mixing

28. is the production of a child.

29. And what did Trudy say about that?

30. About what?

31. Tom, loose lips sink ships.

32. I was just saying that work isn't everything, you know.

33. It's like that song says: Um, tend your own garden.

34. What song is that, Daddy?

35. Uh, I don't know.

36. People say it. It's true.

37. It is true.

38. Yeah. Tend to your own garden.

39. That means... you know, start growing things.

40. Daddy!

41. You're embarrassing us.

42. It'll be the best Christmas present this one ever had.

43. And hell, Thanksgiving's Thursday.

44. Oh, and I guess I should go to Keppler Farm to get some acorn squash.

45. What am I doing? They have squash there.

46. Ery good squash, actually.

47. I wish you would come.

48. Birdie, I'm a partner.

49. 80% of my business rolls out next week.

50. It just seems silly for me

51. to go down there for a 12-hour Thanksgiving.

52. What about... Sally and Bobby's childhood memories?

53. There was no reason you couldn't have it up here.

54. You know my brother's children are animals.

55. They can't make the trip up here,

56. and I don't want my dad to be alone.

57. I'll take a cab to the train, and William will pick us up,

58. probably in some new car.

59. You know what? I...

60. I don't think you want to go.

61. I'm sorry. Was I unclear about that?

62. I don't understand

63. why you can't make my family your family.

64. Ken is perfectly happy to have me here.

65. What do you think it's like? He's a bachelor. It's dirty.

66. I'm not complaining.

67. I don't think it's a good idea to spend money on a hotel right now.

68. If you're so worried about my well-being, let me come home.

69. That's not what I meant.

70. I mean, I know how it sounded.

71. Jennifer.

72. Yes.

73. I'll quit if you let me come home.

74. I miss you...

75. so much.

76. Those the legendary secret files of Bert Cooper?

77. No.

78. I got a call from Abraham Menken.

79. I'm sure you know that his daughter will be unavailable

80. for the next three months,

81. taking some sort of ocean voyage to Paris and whatnot.

82. I hadn't heard that.

83. But otherwise?

84. There is no otherwise.

85. Why is this man calling me?

86. I don't know. Is he unhappy?

87. As a partner, I do not expect your personal preferences

88. to interfere with our business.

89. Who says they have?

90. It was the tone of his voice.

91. He's her father.

92. That's it, cowboy.

93. Francine.

94. I'm coming in. I'm freezing.

95. You're in your slippers.

96. I've been outside waiting for you to come home,

97. just sitting in the car hoping no one would see me.

98. What's going on?

99. Are your kids home?

100. No. What happened?

101. I'm so stupid.

102. So damn stupid.

103. You're not, Francine.

104. Whatever happened, you're not stupid.

105. My mind hasn't been so sharp since I had the baby.

106. And Carlton gave me a stack of mail,

107. and honestly I think I just threw it away.

108. And four days later, the phone was cut off,

109. so I had to go to the phone company and pay it, or, you know, he'd have a fit.

110. And I had to do all this without him knowing.

111. How perfect.

112. I don't understand.

113. They gave me the bill.

114. It was close to $18.

115. There were all these calls:

116. Long distance, MH.

117. MH? Manhattan?

118. So I called one.

119. A woman answered.

120. I had just...

121. I said, "I'm calling from Carlton Hanson's office."

122. She said, "Really?"

123. I said, "He wants to have dinner tonight at the usual place."

124. What made you say that?

125. What woman would he be calling in Manhattan

126. who answers her own phone?

127. Married women.

128. Lots of women answer their own phones.

129. So he's calling some married woman from my house

130. while I'm upstairs sleeping?

131. Maybe it's a caterer.

132. Maybe he's throwing you a surprise party.

133. Do you know he spends two nights a week at the Waldorf?

134. I'm so stupid.

135. Assuming the worst...

136. The worst is that I'll poison him.

137. He's so stupid, he'd drink anything.

138. I'm going to have a house full of people.

139. I'll poison them all:

140. His parents, my parents...

141. my kids.

142. Stop it.

143. Stop that, Francine.

144. You're emotional. It doesn't mean...

145. Damn it, Betty. I know everything.

146. What am I going to do?

147. I've been sitting outside in the car.

148. What do I do? I thought you'd know what to do.

149. Me? I... Why?

150. I don't know.

151. I'm s...

152. so embarrassed.

153. He doesn't know you know.

154. I know that.

155. Go on upstairs.

156. I should go.

157. Come on, Bobby, let's go play in my room.

158. No. Don't.

159. It'll be okay.

160. Mrs. Draper, sorry I'm late.

161. Oh. It's okay, Carla. You can go.

162. You want me to unpack the groceries?

163. I'll do it. Just go.

164. Good-bye.

165. First things first.

166. When I call a meeting,

167. if you arrive after me, you are late.

168. Boys, the stock in our stable:

169. Lucky Strike, Bethlehem Steel, Maytag.

170. No automobile, airline, pharmaceuticals.

171. Tobacco is on that list.

172. You're Cosgrove, right?

173. The powerhouse behind the Rejuvenator?

174. Actually, it's called the Relax-a-Cizor now.

175. What the hell is it?

176. It's a weight loss device with a female pleasure payload.

177. Really?

178. I'm offering a hundred-dollar bonus

179. to the first man who brings me a meeting with a decision maker.

180. Gentlemen, here's a list of people you should be having lunch with.

181. I want you to run into people, go through old yearbooks.

182. This means everybody. Writers, too.

183. Bringing in business is the key

184. to your salary, your status, and your self-worth.

185. I went to the Athletic Club today,

186. and I sat in the steam for an hour and a half.

187. In that time, I lost 4 pounds

188. and learned that Kodak still isn't happy

189. with the campaign for the new slide projector.

190. Is any of this sinking in?

191. "It's true that while simply relaxing,

192. "I can get all the benefits of calisthenics.

193. "A simple regimen of three 20-minute sessions per week,

194. "combined with a sensible diet,

195. "will restore your youthful glow.

196. "I love the way it makes me feel.

197. "The Relax-a-Cizor.

198. It's my little secret."

199. Thank you, Annie.

200. Uh, one more time... Rita.

201. "I never thought it would happen to me,

202. "but I regained my youth and my happiness.

203. - Just ask my husband." - Todd?

204. I think we're both going to agree on Annie.

205. Which one is Annie?

206. Believe it or not, I like Rita.

207. She's got that voice: Randy and knowing,

208. like the Relax-a-Cizor.

209. Annie belongs on TV with Rita's voice dubbed in.

210. Norma, thank you.

211. You can go.

212. Whatever the...

213. special properties of the Relax-a-Cizor are,

214. what we are selling is confidence, a better you.

215. That woman isn't a better anything.

216. Annie is a confident, beautiful woman, and you can hear it in her voice.

217. I can't believe I'm in this argument.

218. Sorry about that, Rita.

219. Hi, Annie. We'll do this tomorrow.

220. Check with Peggy here for your session.

221. If I get a hard time about this,

222. I'm telling people it was your idea.

223. It was my idea.

224. Just a minute. I'll be right back.

225. Do you have to?

226. Peter.

227. That's risky business.

228. It is, isn't it?

229. What, honey?

230. You can say anything to me.

231. I can't provide for a child on what I make.

232. Don't worry about that.

233. How could I not?

234. You can't.

235. Really?

236. You can't worry about that.

237. So stay here.

238. Oh... Peter.

239. Hi, Birdie.

240. It's 9:30. Why didn't you just stay in the city?

241. Oh, I have work to do here as well.

242. Do you know where the slide projector is?

243. So you're not going to see us for four days,

244. and you're not going to see us now.

245. Bets, right when I walk in the door?

246. I'm sorry.

247. I'm sorry. I just... I had a terrible day.

248. Sit with me.

249. What happened?

250. Francine told me

251. Carlton has been having an affair.

252. Really?

253. She was in pieces, Don.

254. I didn't know what to say to her.

255. Well, what could you say?

256. I'm surprised she told you.

257. Why?

258. She's like a sister to me.

259. Of course she is.

260. I never liked Carlton.

261. He was never my favorite.

262. She should poison him.

263. Now you think she should kill him?

264. How could someone do that to the person that they love?

265. That they have children with?

266. Doesn't this all mean anything?

267. Who knows why people do what they do?

268. Come on.

269. Bring the wine.

270. It's actually a hell of a gadget.

271. It's continuous, doesn't jam.

272. They call it the Doughnut or the Wheel.

273. They're expecting something along those lines.

274. Kodak reinvented the wheel.

275. They're going to hear that ten times.

276. They want you to use the words Research and Development in the ads.

277. But if you could find a way to put the Wheel and the Future

278. into something with some legs,

279. you could make me look good my first month here.

280. "I never thought it would happen to me,

281. "but I regained my youth and my happiness.

282. "Just ask my husband.

283. "I swear, he looks at me like the night we met.

284. "It's true that while simply relaxing

285. I can get all the benefits of"...

286. I'm sorry. We have to get a level here.

287. No, we don't.

288. She doesn't sound very confident.

289. She just started.

290. Give her a direction.

291. Okay, Annie.

292. Confidence.

293. Okay.

294. "I never thought it would happen to me,

295. "but I regained my youth and my happiness.

296. "Just ask my husband.

297. I swear, he looks at me like the night we met."

298. Annie.

299. Yes?

300. Are you married?

301. No.

302. I could have told you that.

303. Well, try and imagine you're you, Annie,

304. and now you have everything.

305. You're beautiful, you're slim,

306. you're the beloved prize of a handsome man,

307. and you have everything when you use the Relax-a-Cizor.

308. Okay.

309. It's too bad your voice is so annoying.

310. "I never thought it would happen to me,

311. "but I regained my youth and my happiness.

312. Just ask my husband."

313. Hold on, Annie.

314. We have a problem with the tape recorder.

315. Say something to her.

316. Make her feel beautiful.

317. You know, the confidence that comes with beauty.

318. Pegs, a woman who looks like that will never sound confident

319. because she never is confident.

320. Baloney.

321. Honey, it's God's gift to bachelors.

322. The juiciest gazelle is the easiest to catch.

323. Can I... I have a bit of a cold in my throat.

324. Can I get some pineapple juice?

325. There's a glass of water in the corner.

326. It's great for your throat.

327. I didn't believe that, either.

328. Let's try it again, Annie.

329. Happy, confident, beautiful.

330. "I never thought it would happen to me,

331. "but I regained my youth and my happiness.

332. "Just ask my husband.

333. I swear, he looks at me like the night we"...

334. Annie.

335. You're married.

336. Maybe you put on a few pounds,

337. but then you got the Relax-a-Cizor,

338. and you're back to being you, right now.

339. I don't know that I understand.

340. Annie, what don't you understand?

341. I am being me.

342. Just give me a second.

343. I'll get it the way you want it.

344. "I never thought it would happen to me, but"...

345. "I never thought this would happen to me, but..."

346. "I never thought it would happen to me, but"...

347. Look, Pegs, you dangled her in front of me,

348. and now you're ruining it.

349. Don't do that to me.

350. Kenny, be professional, would you?

351. This is not working out.

352. We're going to have to let you go.

353. You could have gone in there and said that.

354. In this order,

355. I want you to go after her and console her.

356. And after you make plans or whatever you need to do,

357. call Rita.

358. The older lady you liked?

359. She's probably home with the Relax-a-Cizor right now.

360. Can you get me the, uh...

361. the Brighton Hotel, Times Square?

362. Brighton.

363. Yes. Uh, sorry to bother you so late.

364. I'm looking for someone.

365. A tenant of yours

366. some... some months back.

367. A guest.

368. Yes. Uh,

369. I'd love to know if he left a forwarding address.

370. His name is...

371. Adam Whitman.

372. Right. Can I ask what you want?

373. Just a forwarding address.

374. I'm trying to contact him.

375. He has red hair...

376. over 6 feet.

377. Now listen. I know who you're talking about.

378. Jesus, I hate to be the one to tell you this,

379. but he hung himself.

380. What?

381. Yeah.

382. Adam Whitman.

383. Yeah. I'm sorry.

384. Left the building a bunch of money.

385. The city took it.

386. It was in the Post.

387. Oh.

388. Well,

389. I hate to be the one to give that news.

390. Okay.

391. Hello.

392. Yes. Hello.

393. Who is this?

394. Who is this?

395. This is Dr. Arnold Wayne.

396. Mrs. Albertson, I have warned you, this is inappropriate.

397. Are we on fire?

398. Don.

399. No. I, uh... dropped a cigarette in my waste basket.

400. Harry, come here. I want to talk to you.

401. Okay.

402. Harry, I want to talk to you.

403. I can explain.

404. What is the benefit of that thing?

405. It sells projectors to people who already have them.

406. Yeah, the wheel.

407. Stacks, you store your slides in it,

408. and it's ready to go.

409. I took pictures for the paper at Wisconsin.

410. The machinery is definitely part of the fun.

411. It's mechanical.

412. What did you take pictures of?

413. Girls, mostly.

414. You could go up and ask them their names afterwards

415. like you were going to put it in the paper.

416. And some other stuff.

417. Artsy-craftsy stuff.

418. They gave me hell about it.

419. Artsy, like what?

420. Like the reflection of a tree in a pond?

421. Uh, worse.

422. I did a whole series that was just handprints on glass.

423. You know, the way it fogs up around your heat.

424. Take it off, take a picture.

425. Black and white, I suppose.

426. Of course.

427. I was always fascinated by the cave paintings of Lascaux.

428. They're, like, 17,000 years old.

429. The bison get all the attention,

430. but there are also all of these handprints,

431. tiny by today's standards,

432. with paint blown all around them.

433. Signature of the artist.

434. But I thought it was like someone...

435. reaching through the stone and right to us.

436. "I was here."

437. Are you okay?

438. That'll be all.

439. Glen?

440. I'm not supposed to talk to you.

441. Who says... Who said that?

442. My mother and my father.

443. I don't care.

444. My mother's going to come out.

445. I don't care.

446. Glen...

447. I can't talk to anyone.

448. It's so horrible.

449. I'm so sad.

450. Don't cry.

451. Please...

452. Please tell me I'll be okay.

453. I don't know.

454. I wish I was older.

455. Oh, adults don't know anything, Glen.

456. I don't really know how long 20 minutes is.

457. Of course, dear.

458. Don, I hope I'm not bothering you.

459. I just wanted to let you know I took Duck's talk very seriously.

460. And without having to crack my Deerfield yearbook,

461. I've brought in an account.

462. Good for you.

463. It's a piece of Vicks Chemical Company.

464. Clearasil.

465. Better potential

466. than any traditional pharmaceutical, I believe.

467. That's a real account, Campbell.

468. How'd that happen?

469. I'm not embarrassed to say

470. my father-in-law's a former salesman, now executive there.

471. That's generous.

472. He's interested in my future.

473. Congratulations.

474. I'm sure, with a little bit of lawyering, you're entitled to that bonus.

475. I got the bonus.

476. And Cooper gave me some book by Ayn Rand.

477. He seemed assured, as I hope you are,

478. that I have a significant investment in this company.

479. Well, you do now, don't you?

480. It matters to me that you're impressed.

481. I am.

482. Self-worth and status.

483. You said it.

484. Thanksgiving.

485. It's very n-nerve-wracking,

486. having to deal with getting the family together.

487. My m... My mother didn't...

488. cook last year because she was so sick.

489. And now I'm going to have to deal with Gloria.

490. But it is Thanksgiving, and...

491. I'm grateful for things.

492. Like this.

493. This has helped.

494. Don doesn't think so, but it has.

495. Being able to talk.

496. Just... Just me and you and your little pad.

497. It has helped.

498. Still, I...

499. I can't help but think that I would be happy

500. if my husband was faithful to me.

501. My brother's children are very badly behaved, and...

502. he spanks them.

503. Don has never laid a hand on the kids.

504. He's kind inside.

505. But outside, it...

506. it's all there in my face every day.

507. The hotel rooms.

508. Sometimes perfume...

509. or worse.

510. He doesn't know what family is.

511. He doesn't even have one.

512. It makes me sorry for him...

513. when in fact I...

514. I should be angry...

515. very angry, you know?

516. But I put up with it, like some ostrich.

517. It's interesting, isn't it?

518. The way he m...

519. he makes love...

520. sometimes it's what I want.

521. But sometimes it's obviously what someone else wants.

522. I suppose it means I'm not enough.

523. But maybe it...

524. it's just him.

525. Don Draper and Salvatore Romano,

526. this is Joe Harriman and Lynn Taylor.

527. No Eastmans today, unfortunately.

528. They're all back in the lab.

529. It's a wonderful facility, but they don't take vacations.

530. What do they show, slides of them working?

531. So have you figured out a way to work the wheel into it?

532. We know it's hard

533. because wheels aren't really seen as exciting technology,

534. even though they are the original.

535. Well, technology is a glittering lure,

536. but there's the rare occasion

537. when the public can be engaged on the level beyond flash,

538. if they have a sentimental bond with the product.

539. My first job, I was in house at a fur company

540. with this old pro copyrighter, a Greek named Teddy.

541. And Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is "new."

542. Creates an itch.

543. You simply put your product in there

544. as a kind of... calamine lotion.

545. He also talked about a deeper bond with the product.

546. Nostalgia.

547. It's delicate...

548. but potent.

549. Sweetheart.

550. Teddy told me that in Greek,

551. nostalgia literally means the pain from an old wound.

552. It's a twinge in your heart

553. far more powerful than memory alone.

554. This device...

555. isn't a space ship.

556. It's a time machine.

557. It goes backwards, forwards.

558. It takes us to a place where we ache to go again.

559. It's not called the Wheel.

560. It's called the Carousel.

561. It lets us travel the way a child travels.

562. Around and around and back home again...

563. to a place where we know we are loved.

564. Good luck at your next meeting.

565. Don, I have to warn you, I'm not alone.

566. It was beautiful.

567. Congratulations, mein Kommandant.

568. They called from the lobby.

569. They cancelled their other meetings, including DDB.

570. Not just a victory for us.

571. It's a victory for civilization.

572. There's also more celebrating.

573. Mr. Campbell, here, your father-in-law called.

574. He'll be in before Christmas.

575. I've got to get married.

576. No, thank you. I'm good.

577. Here's how.

578. - Cheers. - Cheers.

579. You know what, Pete?

580. I've got a way for you to turn this account into a home run.

581. He's on a roll.

582. Clearasil.

583. You know who buys that?

584. Young girls.

585. What a difference it makes in their lives to be blemish-free.

586. I believe it does.

587. We have the perfect writer for that.

588. Peggy Olsen.

589. That's funny.

590. Freddy Rumsen and I were both very impressed with her insight.

591. Freddy Rumsen.

592. - If I can weigh in... - No.

593. Come on. That Belle Jolie thing.

594. Plus you should have seen her in that booth yesterday.

595. She was like Kinsey but with balls.

596. Stop joking already, will you, Don?

597. Excuse me?

598. This is my father-in-law.

599. He's expecting the very best.

600. I'm expecting the very best,

601. not some little girl who'll walk away.

602. You'll have to give back that copy of Ayn Rand.

603. Do you know how hard I worked to get this account?

604. Who the hell is she?

605. Peggy is not even a copywriter.

606. She's a... a secretary.

607. Peggy!

608. Yes, Mr. Draper?

609. Miss Olsen, you are now a junior copywriter.

610. Your first account will be delivering Clearasil to the spotted masses.

611. What?

612. Don't act surprised.

613. Is this really happening?

614. Yes, it is.

615. My goodness.

616. I will do my sincere best.

617. Good to hear.

618. Mr. Campbell, here, will brief you after the holiday.

619. Of course.

620. That'll be all.

621. Thank you, Mr. Draper.

622. I said congratulations, didn't I?

623. Although sometimes when people get what they want,

624. they realize how limited their goals were.

625. So I guess I'll put you in with Victor Manning.

626. David Steuben got fired.

627. Fired?

628. People hated his work.

629. Will I get business cards?

630. Please make all your requests through Bridget.

631. Of course.

632. Peggy, I know you a little.

633. Remember, just because you now have a door,

634. don't forget that once you didn't.

635. Think of the other girls, or they won't think of you.

636. Vic Manning, I'd like you to meet Peggy Olsen.

637. She'll be taking Mr. Steuben's desk.

638. Nice to meet you.

639. I don't feel so swell.

640. I think I should go home.

641. I have to stop eating off the cart.

642. If you're trying to find a way to go out and celebrate,

643. you should ask your secretary to cover for you.

644. Very funny.

645. Happy Thanksgiving.

646. You, too, Joan.

647. David and I had a deal.

648. No meetings in here, okay?

649. And no music.

650. What can we do for you today?

651. My stomach hurts really bad.

652. I think I had a bad sandwich.

653. Let's take a look.

654. Oh, my God.

655. Honey, you didn't mention that you were expecting.

656. What?

657. You're going to be a mother.

658. That's impossible.

659. You want us to call your husband or your boyfriend?

660. I don't understand.

661. Stop talking.

662. Now listen, we're going to get you up to Maternity.

663. No. No, that's not possible.

664. Do you feel that?

665. My God!

666. We need a wheelchair.

667. It hurts!

668. It's going to be okay, all right?

669. We just want you to calm down.

670. You don't understand.

671. We need a wheelchair!

672. Call Dr. Wilson in Psychiatry.

673. Oh.

674. Hello, darling.

675. Oh, were they having a party at the office?

676. Yes.

677. I think I should...

678. lie down.

679. That's a good idea.

680. Sure. Rest up.

681. But make sure you're awake later.

682. Daddy!

683. Would you like to try to feed him?

684. Don't you want to hold him, sweetheart?

685. Hello?

686. Don?

687. What are you doing here?

688. Daddy! Are you coming with us?

689. No, he isn't. Daddy has to work.

690. But you can drive us to the station.

691. I haven't called the taxi yet.

692. I'm coming with you.

693. Really?

694. You are?

695. I'll pack the car.

696. We'll be there before midnight.

697. Daddy's coming with you.

698. - Daddy! - Daddy!

699. Oh, my goodness.

700. Hello?

701. Hello.