1. - BEEN WATCHING
PAINT DRY ALL MONTH?
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2. HERE ARE SOME "MAD" MOMENTS
YOU MAY HAVE MISSED.
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3. TUESDAY, 3:00 P.M.--
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4. ONE DIRECTION VISIT
THEIR WAX FIGURES
AT MADAME TUSSAUDS
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5. WHILE 98 DEGREES
VISIT THEIR WAX FIGURES
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6. IN THE DUMPSTER OUT BACK.
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7. THURSDAY, 8:00 P.M.--
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8. BRADLEY COOPER ADMITS
TO LIVING WITH HIS MOM,
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9. BUT DOESN'T MENTION
SHE ALSO FEEDS HIM.
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10. MONDAY, 4:00 P.M.--
SOUTH KOREA REFUSES
TO AIR PSY'S NEW VIDEO
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11. BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE THIS...
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12. - HA HA HA!
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13. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
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14. - SCORCH, I'VE RECEIVED
AN SOS FROM THE DARK PLANET.
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15. IT APPEARS AN ALIEN
ON EARTH NEEDS OUR HELP.
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16. - WELL, SINCE
WE'RE NOT FROM EARTH,
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17. TECHNICALLY EVERYONE ON EARTH
IS AN ALIEN TO US,
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18. YOU KNOW?
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19. - JUST GET MOVING!
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20. - BUT HOW WILL I KNOW
WHICH ALIEN NEEDS HELP?
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21. - YOU'LL RECOGNIZE HIM
BY THIS...
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22. - YOU ARE IN DANGER.
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23. YOU'RE AN ALIEN
FROM THE PLANET KRYPTON,
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24. AND I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU.
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25. - WHAT? I'M FINE!
AND WHO ARE YOU?
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26. - YOU'RE NOT FINE!
AND I'M SCORCH.
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27. - HELP! HELP!
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28. - THANK YOU.
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29. - BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN
SAVED HIM YET.
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30. - I DON'T NEED ANY
SAVE—SAVING!
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31. - AHA! SEE THAT?
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32. - WHAT? I COUGHED.
YOU KNOW HOW DUSTY
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33. THESE GARGOYLES ARE.
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34. MAYBE I SHOULD
PICK UP SOME LOZENGES.
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35. - OH, NO, SUPERMAN, HELP!
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36. - I'LL SAVE YOU, JIMMY.
- AND I'LL SAVE YOU.
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37. - I—I—
I TOLD YOU I'M FINE!
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38. - YOU'RE NOT FINE.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE DOWN
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39. FIVE POUNDS
SINCE THE LAST SCENE.
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40. - THAT'S CRAZY.
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41. HANG ON, JIMMY,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
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42. ONE SEC.
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43. - HMM. FEELING FINE, HUH?
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44. - DON'T MIND ME.
I MUST HAVE HAD A BAD LOZENGE.
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45. SORRY, JIMMY.
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46. - THANKS A LOT, SUPERMAN.
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47. I RUINED ANOTHER CLIP ON!
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48. - ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
LET ME HELP YOU.
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49. - NOT A CHANCE, SCOOCH.
- HELP!
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50. - IT'S SCORCH.
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51. - UP, UP AND AWAY!
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52. - SO, UH, HOW'S IT GOING?
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53. - AH, I GOT TO GO.
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54. - WAIT, THAT WAS AN ALIEN?
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55. AH! I AM THE WORST
PHOTOGRAPHER EVER.
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56. - ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S WRONG?
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57. - A THIEF JUST RAN OFF
WITH MY PURSE. GET HIM!
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58. AH, LISTEN.
THEY'RE JUST THINGS, YOU KNOW?
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59. YOU'LL BE FINE.
- WAIT!
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60. - OHH!
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61. - WOULD YOU PLEASE
LEAVE ME ALONE?
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62. WAIT A SECOND—
I ONLY STARTED
FEELING THIS WAY
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63. ONCE YOU SHOWED UP.
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64. HANG ON!
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65. - OH, MY GOSH, WHAT IS THAT?
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66. - KRYPTONITE!
WHO GAVE YOU THIS?
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67. - MY BOSS LENA.
- NEVER MIND.
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68. I THINK I KNOW
WHO'S BEHIND THIS.
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69. - AT FIRST I WAS LIKE,
ASHTON AS STEVE JOBS,
FORGET ABOUT IT!
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70. BUT HAVE YOU SEEN
THOSE PICTURES?
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71. - LEX LUTHOR.
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72. I KNEW YOU WERE BEHIND
PLANTING KRYPTONITE
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73. INSIDE STARCH HERE.
- SCORCH!
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74. LENA, WHY WOULD YOU WORK
WITH LEX LUTHOR?
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75. - HE PROMISED HE'D TELL ME
HOW "LOST" ENDS.
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76. - "LOST?" THAT SHOW'S
BEEN OVER FOR YEARS.
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77. - HEY! I'M IN SPACE.
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78. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW LONG IT TAKES
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79. THE TV SIGNAL TO REACH US?
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80. I NEED TO KNOW HOW IT ENDS!
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81. - YOU ARE GOING TO BE
SO DISAPPOINTED.
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82. - WHAT, YOU DON'T LIKE
BREAD CRUMBS?
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83. YOU'RE A DUCK. WHAT DO YOU CARE
ABOUT BREAKING THE RULES?
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84. - I CAN'T GO BACK TO JAIL, MAN!
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85. THEY'LL EAT ME ALIVE IN THERE.
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86. - OHH!
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87. - HEH HEH!
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88. - MAD!
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89. - OH, I NEED TO GO
TO THE BEAUTY PARLOR,
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90. BUT I'M JUST SO BUSY AT WORK.
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91. - HAVING HAIR TROUBLE?
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92. - HOW DO YOU DO IT, LISA?
YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL
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93. AND YOUR HAIR ALWAYS
LOOKS FANTASTIC.
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94. - WELL, JUDY, I'LL LET YOU IN
ON A LITTLE SECRET—
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95. I USE A HAIR GOAT!
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96. - A WHO WHAT?
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97. - INTRODUCING THE HAIR GOAT!
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98. - THAT'S A GOAT.
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99. - NO, IT'S MY HAIR GOAT.
IT EATS MY HAIR WHILE I WORK,
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100. SO I NEVER NEED TO GET IT CUT.
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101. - YOU LET THAT GOAT...
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102. EAT... YOUR HAIR?
- UH-HUH!
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103. - FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS,
FARMERS HAVE USED THEIR GOATS
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104. TO KEEP THEIR GRASS TRIMMED.
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105. DON'T YOU DESERVE THE SAME?
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106. - THE GOAT IS EATING MY HAIR.
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107. - AND IT ONLY TAKES
FIVE MINUTES!
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108. THERE, THAT SHOULD DO IT.
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109. LET GO, GOAT. LET GO!
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110. DROP IT. DROP THE HAIR, GOAT.
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111. COME ON, GOAT!
GET OUT OF HERE! YAHH!
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112. GET OUT!
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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113. - I LOOK LIKE SOMETHING
THE CAT THREW UP.
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114. - YES, BUT NOW I CAN
SELL YOU ONE OF MY WIGS,
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115. WHICH IS HOW I GOT
SO SUCCESSFUL.
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116. - THE HAIR GOAT—
AN IDEA SOMEONE HAD
AND THEN THEY MADE IT.
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117. - NOW A SPECIAL "MADITORIAL."
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118. - TODAY WE DISCUSS
HOW I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE
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119. BETWEEN THE TV SHOWS
"BONES" AND "CASTLE."
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120. EVERY TIME I THINK
I'M WATCHING "CASTLE,"
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121. IT TURNS OUT
I'M WATCHING "BONES."
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122. FOR ONE, BOTH SHOWS
ARE STARRING SQUARE-JAWED HUNKS
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123. FAMOUS FOR BEING
ON JOSS WHEDON SHOWS.
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124. AND THE PREMISES!
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125. IN "BONES," HE'S PAIRED
WITH A FEMALE SPECIAL AGENT
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126. WHO'S ALSO A WRITER,
BUT IN "CASTLE,"
HE'S THE WRITER.
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127. AND SHE'S JUST A SPECIAL AGENT.
THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
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128. THERE SHOULD BE SOME
SORT OF SCROLLING MESSAGE
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129. AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SCREEN
AT ALL TIMES
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130. TELLING YOU WHETHER
YOU'RE WATCHING
"BONES" OR "CASTLE."
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131. SO VOTE YES ON PROP. 257
TO MAKE IT MANDATORY
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132. FOR TVs TO COME EQUIPPED
WITH SOME SORT OF DEVICE
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133. THAT TELLS YOU WHETHER YOU'RE
WATCHING "BONES" OR "CASTLE".
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134. BECAUSE—I JUST
CAN'T TELL A DIFFERENCE!
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135. - THIS HAS BEEN A "MADITORIAL."
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136. - THIS BREAD IS STALE!
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137. - OH, YEAH, THAT'S WHY
I'M FEEDING IT TO DUCKS.
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138. DUCKS DON'T CARE.
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139. - WELL, THIS DUCK CARES, BUDDY.
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140. MAN ON EAST BENCH
HANDS OUT STALE BREAD.
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141. ZERO OUT OF FIVE STARS.
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142. WOULD NOT PATRONIZE AGAIN.
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143. LET'S SEE YOUR BUSINESS
SURVIVE THAT SCATHING REVIEW.
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144. - I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS
ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
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145. - AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR THE "TUBE FEUD,"
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146. THE SHOW WHERE FAMILIES
HAVE TO GUESS A VIDEO'S
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147. TOP FIVE INTERNET COMMENTS.
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148. - ALL RIGHT,
100 PEOPLE COMMENTED,
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149. TOP FIVE ANSWERS ON THE BOARD.
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150. FOR A THOUSAND DOLLARS,
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151. WHAT WERE THE TOP COMMENTS
FOR THIS VIDEO?
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152. - OOH, IS IT, "DAWWW?"
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153. - SHE SAYS, "DAWWW."
SURVEY SAYS?
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154. OH, I'M SORRY.
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155. THE TOP COMMENTS WERE "FIRST!"
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156. FOLLOWED BY "FAIL,"LOLFAIL,"
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157. "I MADE $500 AT HOME TODAY
AND YOU CAN, TOO!"
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158. AND "VERY FUNNY,
CHECK OUT MY VIDEO."
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159. THOSE WERE
THE TOP FIVE COMMENTS,
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160. SAME AS EVERY VIDEO EVER.
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161. - THE "TUBE FEUD",
AS POINTLESS AS THE INTERNET.
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162. OHH. OHH.
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163. OHH. OHH.
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164. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH.
OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH. OHH.
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165. - AHEM!
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166. YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
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167. - ARE YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO?
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168. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
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169. - YOU JUST PUT THAT SIGN UP!
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170. - YOU JUST PUT UP
THAT OTHER SIGN!
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171. - I'M ALLOWED TO PUT UP SIGNS.
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172. - SAYS WHO?
- THAT SIGN.
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173. - ALL RIGHT, FINE.
BUT WHO PUT UP THAT SIGN?
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174. - YOU KNOW, I NEVER
THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
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175. BOY, I NEED TO GO HOME
AND REALLY THINK THINGS OVER.
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176. - YES,
THAT WAS ALL WORTH IT.
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177. - WHAT DO WE HAVE?
- HOMICIDE.
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178. WE CALLED YOU IN
WHEN WE SAW THAT.
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179. - RED JOHN HAS STRUCK AGAIN.
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180. YOU CALLED THE RIGHT MAN—
ME, PATRICK JANE,
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181. THE FORMER MENTALIST.
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182. - NOT SO FAST.
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183. FOR THIS CASE,
YOU'LL NEED MORE
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184. THAN AN EX-MENTALIST.
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185. YOU'LL NEED AN X-MENTALIST.
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186. - OHH, WHAT?
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187. - OH, RIGHT, IT WAS CONFUSING.
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188. WELL, IT WORKS WRITTEN DOWN.
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189. - OH, I GET IT NOW.
BUT WHY ARE YOU HERE?
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190. AREN'T YOU A SUPER HERO
OR SOMETHING?
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191. - SURE, BUT COP SHOWS
ARE WHERE ARE THE MONEY IS.
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192. NOW, LET'S CRACK THIS CASE
USING MY MENTAL POWERS
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193. AND YOUR... BLONDE HAIR.
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194. DON'T WORRY, I'VE ALREADY
GOT CYCLOPS AT THE SCENE.
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195. - HE'S A COP, TOO?
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196. - COP, TWO. BAD GUY, ZERO.
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197. - YOU JUST INCINERATED THAT GUY.
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198. - JUST LIKE THE "X-MEN" PREQUELS
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199. INCINERATED MY ACTING CAREER.
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200. - ALL RIGHT, THEN. DO WE HAVE
ANY LEADS ON THIS CASE?
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201. - SURE DO. I THINK IT WAS
THE WORK OF RED JOHN.
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202. ALSO, THE CRIME TOOK PLACE
IN THIS RED PARK,
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203. IN BROAD RED DAYLIGHT.
- WHAT?
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204. - OH, SORRY,
IT'S THE GLASSES.
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205. THEY MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK RED.
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206. - HOLD ON,
THEY'VE GOT A SUSPECT
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207. DOWN AT THE STATION.
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208. - THEN WE HAVE TO GO
INTERROGATE THEM.
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209. - I'VE ALREADY GOT A MAN ON IT,
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210. AND HE'S THE BEST THERE IS
AT WHAT HE DOES.
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211. - LOOK, BUB,
IN THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM,
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212. THE PEOPLE ARE REPRESENTED
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213. BY TWO SEPARATE YET
EQUALLY IMPORTANT GROUPS—
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214. RIGHT CLAWS AND LEFT CLAWS.
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215. - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!
RED JOHN IS HIDING OUT
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216. IN THE WAREHOUSE BY THE DOCKS!
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217. - PERFECT. NOW WE JUST NEED
A JUDGE TO GET US A WARRANT.
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218. - AND I KNOW JUST THE JUDGE—
- OH, COME ON!
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219. - WARRANT GRANTED.
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220. - EMPTY. WE WAITED TOO LONG.
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221. IF YOU X-MEN DON'T STOP
GETTING IN MY WAY,
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222. THIS CASE IS GOING TO GO COLD.
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223. - I HAVE JUST THE GUY FOR THAT.
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224. - DON'T. DON'T YOU DARE
SAY ANOTHER—
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225. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT,
I'M KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT.
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226. I KNOW THAT AS SOON
AS I SAY ANYTHING,
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227. ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR DUMMIES
IS GOING TO STORM IN HERE AND—
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228. - DID YOU SAY STORM?
- NO!
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229. - GET IT? BECAUSE
I CONTROL THE ELEMENTS?
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230. - HEY, LOOK,
THERE'S RED JOHN, GET 'EM!
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231. - WOW, GOOD WORK.
NOW LET'S SEE WHO HE REALLY IS.
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232. MAGNETO?
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233. WELL, I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS
WHAT YOU X-MEN WERE DOING HERE.
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234. - YES, IT DOES.
EVERYTHING IS WRAPPED UP NICELY.
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235. - I GUESS YOU COULD SAY
RED JOHN WAS CAUGHT RED-HANDED.
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236. - MAD!
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237. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
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238. CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
—www.ncicap.org—
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239. - NOTHING HAS BECOME
ANY CLEARER TO ME.
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