MAD 1x13

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1. - WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM WITH SOME BREAKING NEWS.

2. A GIANT MONSTER TERRORIZES DOWNTOWN.

3. - SEEMS THEY NEVER TERRORIZE THE SUBURBS.

4. WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM.

5. - MAD!

6. - MAD!

7. - SNOTT! SNOTT PILGRIM!

8. - WHAT?

9. - I THOUGHT WE SAID NO MORE GIRLFRIENDS AT REHEARSAL.

10. I MEAN, FIRST THERE WAS KNIVES, THEN FLOWERS,

11. AND NOW SNOW.

12. - YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER BEFORE THE MAKEOVER.

13. MUCH BETTER, HUH?

14. - HOW'D YOU GET IN THIS PICTURE?

15. - YOU'RE AN AWESOME BOYFRIEND, SNOTT.

16. - HEY, IT'S JUST GREAT TO DATE A GIRL WITHOUT 7 EVIL EXES.

17. - WELL, THE THING IS—

18. - SNOTT PILGRIM, STEP AWAY FROM OUR PRINCESS.

19. - I'M NOT GONNA FIGHT A BUNCH OF.

20. - DID HE SAY THE M-WORD?

21. - MUNCHKINS? - NO. THE OTHER ONE.

22. - I SAID "OLD MEN." I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THEY BLEEPED IT.

23. - DWARVES, BEGIN MUSICAL ATTACK.

24. - OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

25. - AAH!

26. - MEET THE FIRST 3 MOODY DWARVES.

27. - SLEEPY, BASHFUL, SNEEZY.

28. - ATTACK!

29. - ACHOO!

30. - EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!

31. - ACHOO! ACHOO!

32. - NOSY DWARF, MEET NASAL SPRAY.

33. - THANKS. THAT'S ACTUALLY MUCH BETTER.

34. - OH. OH, COOL, DIAMONDS.

35. - GET YOUR HANDS OFF THOSE DIAMONDS.

36. - GRUMPY, EH?

37. WELL, I'VE GOT ENOUGH GRR TO MAKE YOU LUMPY.

38. - "ENOUGH GRR TO MAKE YOU LUMPY."

39. THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.

40. - NEITHER DOES YOU DATING SNOW.

41. - HE DOES HAVE A Ph.D.

42. - YEAH. IN KICK-BUTT-OLOGY.

43. - I CAN'T HIT A GUY WITH GLASSES.

44. - OH, WELL, THEN I'LL TAKE THEM OFF.

45. OOF!

46. - WHEW. SO, CAN WE GRAB A SIZER OR SOMETHING?

47. - NOT UNTIL YOU FACE...

48. DOPEY.

49. - HERE WE—

50. HEY, YOU HAVE BIG EARS LIKE I DO.

51. AND DO YOU WEAR A HAT BECAUSE YOU HAVE SCRAGGLY HAIR?

52. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

53. I DO, TOO.

54. HEY, THANKS.

55. - UM, AREN'T YOU GOING TO FIGHT HIM FOR ME?

56. - ACTUALLY, I LIKE THIS OTHER GIRL NOW.

57. THIS IS REALLY NICE.

58. YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO SOME RECORDS OR SOMETHING?

59. - SURE. AS SOON AS YOU DEFEAT MY 7 DEADLY SEAS.

60. - I'VE GOT TO STOP DATING.

61. AAH!

62. - WHERE'S YOUR BONE? GO GET YOUR BONE.

63. GO GET YOUR BONE.

64. - HEY, THAT'S MY SHIN.

65. - YOU KNOW HER AS THE MISERABLE STAR OF "TWILIGHT."

66. - I'M SO UNHAPPY.

67. - NOW SHE'S GOT SOMETHING

68. THAT'S SURE TO WIPE THE SMILE OFF YOUR FACE, TOO.

69. IT'S K-STEW'S BEEF STEW.

70. WE'RE TAKEN KRISTEN STEWART'S NEGATIVE ATTITUDE

71. AND PACKED IT INTO HARDY CHUNKS OF BEEF

72. SOAKED IN BROWN JUICE.

73. - IT'S OK. I MEAN, IF YOU LIKE STEW.

74. - AFTER ONE BITE, YOU'LL BE JUST AS GLOOMY AS KRISTEN.

75. - I MEAN, I DON'T HATE IT.

76. - EH, I'VE DEFINITELY HAD WORSE.

77. - IS THIS COMMERCIAL ALMOST OVER?

78. - SURE YOUR STOMACH IS GONNA HURT,

79. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS IT HURTS K-STEW TO SMILE FROM TIME TO TIME.

80. IF YOU LOVE KRISTEN STEWART,

81. YOU MIGHT SORT OF LIKE K-STEW'S BEEF STEW.

82. - MAD!

83. - AHH! THEY WERE BLUE, SKIN TIGHT,

84. MADE FROM KRYPTONIAN SILK?

85. - OK. YOU HAVE THE TICKET?

86. - FOR THE LAST TIME, I LOST THE TICKET.

87. - HMPH!

88. - AHH! HMPH!

89. - AND NOW, A "MAD" LOOK INSIDE

90. ZACH GALIFIANAKIS' BELLY BUTTON.

91. - EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH NINJAS!

92. SCHOOL...

93. - THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE IS WHEN THOMAS JEFFERSON...

94. AHH.

95. - CHORES...

96. THE LOCAL NEWS!

97. - AND THAT'S THE NEWS IN CINCINNATI.

98. BUT FIRST, LET'S GET ONE MORE CHECK OF THE WEATHER.

99. BARBARA?

100. - AND WEDDINGS...

101. - AND NOW LET'S CUT THE CAKE!

102. WOW! THAT WAS AMAZING.

103. STILL, PRETTY AMAZING.

104. - JUNIOR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

105. - GOD, IT'S MY MOTHER!

106. NOTHING, MOM.

107. JUST PLAYING WITH MY CHEMISTRY SET.

108. - MAD!

109. - JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH.

110. A COMPOSER'S WHOSE CAREER IS BARELY ALIVE.

111. RELEVANCE—ZERO.

112. INTEREST—NONE.

113. - OUT OF MY WAY, LOSER!

114. - GENTLEMEN, WE MUST REBUILD HIM.

115. BECAUSE HE'S BAROQUE.

116. HE CAN HEAR TWICE AS GOOD AS BEETHOVEN.

117. AND HE HAS INCREDIBLE MOVEMENTS.

118. - HIS LIKEABILITY WILL BE BETTER,

119. HIS STAR A LITTLE HIGHER, HIS COMEBACK FASTER.

120. - HE'S BIONIC BACH. - I'LL BE BACH!

121. - COMING BACK INTO RELEVANCE THIS FALL.

122. - I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

123. - OOOH-OO.

124. - OK, OK, SO MY TRANSMISSION IS SHOT,

125. BUT I—I'M A TALKING CAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

126. THINK WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE!

127. - WHAT DO THE FOLLOWING EVIL MASTERMINDS HAVE IN COMMON?

128. - THE WORLD WILL SOON BE MINE.

129. - HE'S WALKING RIGHT INTO MY TRAP!

130. - THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM.

131. - YOU GUESSED IT—THEY ALL USE THE VILLAIN HAND SANITIZER!

132. AN ANTI-BACTERIAL GEL MADE EXCLUSIVELY FOR MEGALOMANIACS.

133. JUST PUMP, LATHER, AND YOU'RE PROTECTED

134. AGAINST 93% OF THE GERMS FOUND ON...

135. TRAP DOORS.

136. SECRET LAIR CONTROL PANELS.

137. AND SUPER LASERS. - UGH!

138. - I THINK WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT.

139. - YES!

140. - THE VILLAIN HAND SANITIZER.

141. - ESCARGOT!

142. ESCARGOT!

143. GET YOUR FANCY PANTS ESCARGOT HERE!

144. - AH, ONE FOR MY LADY, PLEASE.

145. - ESCARGOT HERE!

146. - OOH, THERE'S A PRIZE INSIDE THIS BOX OF CEREAL.

147. - WHAT IS IT? I WANT IT!

148. - BEING THE MIDDLE CHILD MEANS EVERY MORNING

149. IS A BATTLE JUST TO GET BREAKFAST.

150. - MALCOLM, REESE, WE PROMISED YOUR LITTLE BROTHER

151. HE COULD HAVE THE PRIZE THIS TIME. NOW GIVE DEWEY THE RING.

152. - PRECIOUS!

153. - YES, HONEY, YOU'RE MY PRECIOUS.

154. - ONE MOM TO RULE THEM ALL.

155. - AND REMEMBER,

156. THE SCIENCE FAIR IS TODAY.

157. IF YOU DON'T TURN IN YOUR PROJECT,

158. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

159. - HE'S ALWAYS SO DRAMATIC.

160. - HEY, MALCOLM.

161. - OH, NO, IT'S THOSE SNOOTY EXCHANGE STUDENTS FROM NARNIA.

162. - WHAT'S YOUR PROJECT FROM THE SCIENCE FAIR?

163. - OURS IS A WARDROBE

164. THAT TRANSPORTS YOU TO A MAGICAL WORLD.

165. - THAT'S THE SCHOOL BATHROOM. - WE'RE WORKING ON IT.

166. - HEY, TREEVIE, WHAT'S YOUR PROJECT?

167. - I'M...

168. GOING...

169. TO...

170. MAKE...

171. - OH, MAN. IF I FAIL THE SCIENCE FAIR,

172. MOM WILL SEND ME TO MILITARY SCHOOL, LIKE FRANCIS.

173. - HEY, GUYS. SO AFTER ALL THIS DEATH MARCHING,

174. WANT TO PLAY CARDS OR SOMETHING?

175. - CHECK IT OUT, I STOLE THE RING FROM DEWEY DURING NAP TIME.

176. LOOK! IT TURNS YOU INVISIBLE.

177. - OW! IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT ME, AT LEAST LET ME SEE YOU.

178. - I HAVE TO STAY INVISIBLE SO DEWEY DOESN'T FIND ME.

179. OW! COME ON!

180. - NOW I CAN'T TRACE MY HAND AND MAKE A TURKEY

181. FOR THANKSGIVING!

182. - BE...

183. HOMEMADE...

184. - I'M TO REVIEW YOUR SCIENCE PROJECTS.

185. - I PUT ARMOR ON A BEAR!

186. - PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT A DIAPER ON HIM, AS WELL.

187. - WHOA!

188. - HA HA HA! - OW!

189. - HA HA HA!

190. - PRETTY GREAT, HUH?

191. - W-WHERE AM I?

192. AHH, GET OFF! - MY PRECIOUS!

193. - OUR WARDROBE!

194. - THIS IS MOST ILLOGICAL.

195. - OW! STOP DOING THAT!

196. NO!

197. - I MADE A VOLCAN—OH.

198. - WE HAVE A WINNER. - REALLY?

199. - WELL, CONSIDERING THE REST OF THESE ARE MAGIC-BASED,

200. I'D SAY YOU WIN FOR ACTUALLY USING SCIENCE.

201. - WELL, IT ALL WORKED OUT.

202. - PAPIER...

203. MOCHE...

204. VOLCANO.

205. - OH, THAT'S WHAT I MADE.

206. - DARN.

207. - MAD!

208. - MAD!