Lucky Louie 1x12

Directed by Andrew D. Weyman

Louie worries about his marriage when Kim tells him that she hates him and needs some time away from him. Meanwhile, Walter wants to do his Bill Cosby impression but Ellen won't let him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. THIS IS GREAT.

2. FAMILY BARBECUES.

3. HEY, THIS IS WHAT WE DO, OKAY? IT'S RELAXING.

4. WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME.

5. NO, YOU'RE NOT.

6. THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT.

7. HEY, EVERYBODY, A FUNNY JOKE?

8. HEY, WAIT, RICH, DON'T TELL A JOKE. THERE'S KIDS HERE.

9. DON'T WORRY, IT'S COMPLETELY CLEAN. IT'S A KIDS' JOKE.

10. THE BASKETBALL COURT?

11. I DON'T KNOW. WHY?

12. 'CAUSE HE HEARD BLOWING FOULS.

13. - OH GOD. - I DON'T GET IT.

14. A DOUBLE ENTENDRE, ASSHOLE.

15. THE CHICKEN'S DICK.

16. JESUS!

17. - SHUT UP, RICH. - ALL RIGHT, FINE.

18. BACK TO BORING.

19. IMPRESSION.

20. REALLY? OH LET'S HEAR IT.

21. - YEAH, LET'S HEAR IT. - NO NO, YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR IT.

22. OH, COME ON, WALTER, YOU HAVE TO DO IT NOW.

23. - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT, YEAH.

24. COSBY, OH YEAH.

25. WALTER, NO.

26. WELL, THEY WANNA HEAR IT.

27. WALTER, DON'T DO THIS. LIKE THE MAN.

28. IT'S A PARTY. IT'S A FUN THING TO DO AT A PARTY.

29. - YEAH, ELLEN, WHY DON'T YOU LET HIM DO IT? - EXCUSE ME.

30. WALTER, EVERY TIME

31. YOU HUMILIATE YOURSELF,

32. EMBARRASSED FOR YOU.

33. THAT'S NOT TRUE.

34. IT IS TRUE.

35. GOD, THAT WAS AWFUL.

36. "LUCKY LOUIE" WAS TAPED BEFORE A LIVE AUDIENCE.

37. WAKE UP, YOU LAZY PIECE OF SHIT!

38. YOU DOING?

39. GET UP, LOUIE!

40. AN HOUR.

41. I'LL GET UP IN 29 MINUTES THEN.

42. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? JESUS.

43. ALL MORNING.

44. GET UP!

45. NOW! I'M NOT KIDDING!

46. WHAT TO DO.

47. I'LL KILL YOU.

48. A KISS, BABY.

49. LOVE YOU.

50. HEY, HOW ABOUT A SHOWER TODAY, OKAY, PAL?

51. YOU SMELL.

52. SO MAD TODAY?

53. WHAT DID YOU DO?

54. PAPA, LOOK WHAT I FOUND. CAN I KEEP IT?

55. I DON'T THINK SO, LUCY, THAT'S A CIGARETTE BUTT.

56. COME ON. LET HER KEEP IT.

57. IN THE WATER FOUNTAIN, OKAY?

58. IS ANY CLEANER?

59. IN THAT FOUNTAIN.

60. MAN, THIS DAY BLOWS.

61. THIS MORNING.

62. WHAT DID YOU DO?

63. NOTHING... I DON'T THINK.

64. - MUST BE PMS. - NO, I KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE.

65. THAT'S COMING NEXT WEEK.

66. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT AFTER THIS SHIT.

67. ERRATICALLY?

68. - YEAH. - DID IT COME ON SUDDENLY?

69. - YEAH. IT EASY, DON'T THEY?

70. WELL, WHATEVER IT IS...

71. I'M SURE SHE'S OVER IT BY NOW.

72. HELLO.

73. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

74. WHAT?

75. ARE YOU STILL HERE?

76. LUCY'S PLAYING AND I'M WATCHING HER. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

77. BECAUSE, LOUIE,

78. HOME AN HOUR AGO.

79. TO START DINNER.

80. HER BATH'S GONNA BE LATE, SHE'S GONNA BE UP ALL NIGHT.

81. I WON'T SLEEP.

82. AND I'LL BE DEAD ON MY FEET.

83. HEY!

84. I'M HAVING SOME DAUGHTER, ALL RIGHT?

85. SO SHUT UP.

86. OH, THAT'S GREAT.

87. YOU'RE GONNA ACT OF YOUR FRIENDS?

88. WHAT YOUR FRIENDS THINK?

89. WELL, GOTTA GET HOME.

90. SEE YOU, KIMMY.

91. IRRITATING BITCH.

92. EXCUSE ME?

93. WHAT WAS THAT?

94. HEY, BLOW ME, OKAY?

95. - WHAT? - I SAID BLOW ME.

96. OKAY, FINE. AND I'LL BLOW YOU.

97. WHAT?

98. AND IT'S HARD,

99. I WILL SUCK IT.

100. YEAH. DON'T TEMPT ME, BABE.

101. COME ON, LET'S GO. WHIP IT OUT, RICH.

102. I THOUGHT SO.

103. JUST HAPPENED, LOU?

104. SHE'D BE UP ALL NIGHT.

105. I DIDN'T SLEEP, NOW I'M SCREWED FOR THE DAY.

106. HEY, I WAS UP TOO.

107. GOD! YOU'RE SUCH SOMETIMES.

108. SUCH A DOUCHE.

109. JUST DICKHEAD.

110. - I GET IT. - NO, YOU DON'T!

111. HEY! WHAT IS THESE DAYS?

112. AS A PARTNER.

113. WELL, THAT HASN'T CHANGED.

114. YOU CHANGED. I'M SUCKING EXACTLY

115. I ALWAYS SUCKED.

116. BUT IT DIDN'T USE TO BOTHER YOU.

117. LEFT AND RIGHT. WHAT HAPPENED?

118. SOMETHING HAPPENED.

119. YOU'RE RIGHT.

120. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

121. NOTHING HAPPENED.

122. I MEAN, USUALLY I CAN DEAL.

123. BUT JUST...

124. I JUST...

125. HATE YOU...

126. I THINK.

127. - WHAT? - YEAH.

128. I HATE YOU.

129. SORRY.

130. IT'S JUST WHAT I'M FEELING.

131. YOU HATE ME?

132. JUST... HATE. I HATE YOU.

133. SORRY.

134. I DON'T GET IT.

135. I DON'T KNOW. I THINK THERE'S JUST

136. YOUR SHIT,

137. IT JUST GOT FULL.

138. WELL, DOES IT YOU CAN CHANGE OUT?

139. I DON'T THINK SO.

140. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

141. IT'S OVER? YOU WANNA LEAVE ME?

142. NO NO. I STILL LOVE YOU.

143. I DO. IT'S JUST... THAT I...

144. YOU A LOT.

145. I'M SORRY.

146. OKAY, SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT IT?

147. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T WANT TO HATE YOU.

148. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

149. WELL,

150. DO YOU HATE?

151. OF SOME THINGS.

152. - WHAT FOR? - 'CAUSE I'LL STOP DOING THEM.

153. I'LL CHANGE. JUST THINK OF SOME SHIT,

154. YOU HATE ABOUT ME.

155. THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS.

156. OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

157. LOOK...

158. JUST...

159. ABOUT ME THAT SUCKS.

160. OKAY.

161. WELL, I HATE

162. FEEL LIKE IT.

163. YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN A FAMILY, IT'S NOT FAIR.

164. OKAY.

165. WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE, LIKE A TOTAL NAG.

166. - NEEDS TO BE DONE... - AND YOU ACT

167. IN YOUR ASS!

168. OKAY.

169. AROUND THE HOUSE.

170. IT'S LIKE AND DURING THE DAY,

171. THERE'S NO DIFFERENTIAL THERE.

172. - AND ALSO, YOU DON'T EVEN - I GOT ENOUGH.

173. - BUT I'M NOT FINISHED. - HOW MUCH MORE...

174. NEVER MIND. JUST...

175. ON THESE, AND YOU CAN GIVE ME MORE LATER.

176. OKAY.

177. THAT'S GOOD.

178. THANKS.

179. OH, AND NOSE HAIR. CLIP IT.

180. I'M GOING TO THE DRY CLEANER'S TOMORROW,

181. YOU WANT TO DROP OFF?

182. BILL COSBY.

183. OH, WALTER. COME ON.

184. TOLD ME THAT IT'S GOOD AND THEY ENJOYED IT.

185. ARE BEING POLITE.

186. I'M YOUR WIFE, AND I'M TELLING YOU

187. YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS.

188. FRANKLY, I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR.

189. WELL, DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS.

190. I'M A MAN.

191. A BILL COSBY IMPERSONATION, I'M GONNA DO IT.

192. WE'RE IN A NEW PLACE. YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT HERE.

193. I'LL DO IT IF I WANT TO.

194. I'M GONNA DO IT.

195. IF YOU DO IT, YOU'D BETTER DO

196. CHECKING INTO A HOTEL.

197. HEY, GOOD MORNING.

198. HAVE A SEAT. I MADE YOU SOME BREAKFAST.

199. OH. THANK YOU.

200. NO PROBLEM.

201. THANKS FOR THE FROZEN WAFFLES, PAPA. CAN I GO GET DRESSED?

202. SURE YOU CAN. I ALREADY PICKED OUT YOUR OUTFIT. IT'S ON YOUR BED.

203. HERE'S A CUP OF TEA ALSO.

204. THANK YOU.

205. THAT'S OKAY. VERY MUCH.

206. AN APPLE IN THERE.

207. LIKE APPLES.

208. YEAH.

209. THIS IS AWFUL, PLEASE STOP.

210. WELL, WHAT THE FUCK?

211. ON THE LIST.

212. I KNOW, BUT—

213. WELL, DO YOU STILL HATE ME? WHAT IS IT?

214. YEAH.

215. BUT IT'S NOT THE THINGS YOU DO.

216. WELL, IF IT'S NOT WHAT I DO THEN, WHAT DO YOU HATE?

217. WHAT IS IT?

218. IT'S JUST...

219. YOUR WHOLE PERSON.

220. JUST WHO YOU ARE.

221. YOUR FACE.

222. YOUR VOICE.

223. OF BEING, REALLY.

224. YOU'RE KINDA HURTING MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW.

225. - I'M SORRY. - NO, IT'S OKAY.

226. DISGUSTED BY ME. - I KNOW.

227. I DON'T LIKE FEELING THIS WAY.

228. YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK...

229. AWAY FROM YOU.

230. OKAY. NO, OKAY.

231. WHAT WE SHOULD DO?

232. WHY DON'T I JUST SPEND THE WEEKEND AT MIKE'S OR RICH'S HOUSE?

233. OH YEAH. YOU'D LOVE THAT.

234. WITH YOUR FRIENDS,

235. THIS SHIT BY MYSELF?

236. HEY. YOU GUYS GOT ANY MORE OLIVES?

237. YEAH, THEY'RE IN THE FRIDGE, JERRY.

238. THANKS. I JUST NEED THREE.

239. A COUPLE OF DAYS.

240. FROM ME.

241. GONNA GO?

242. I DON'T KNOW. OR SOMETHING.

243. WE CAN'T AFFORD A HOTEL.

244. A PLACE TO STAY?

245. WELL, YEAH, THE WEEKEND.

246. OH, STAY AT MY APARTMENT DOWNSTAIRS.

247. TO YOURSELF.

248. YOU STAY?

249. OH YEAH.

250. WAIT WAIT. CAN I STAY HERE?

251. - YOU WANNA STAY HERE? - WELL YEAH, 'CAUSE KIM IS STAYING AT MY PLACE,

252. AND I GOT NOWHERE TO GO.

253. OKAY SO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA TELL LUCY?

254. WELL, WE'LL JUST TELL HER THAT YOU'RE VISITING SOMEBODY FAR AWAY.

255. THAT WAY SHE WON'T KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS.

256. OKAY. THAT'S GOOD.

257. SO... IT'S OKAY?

258. - I CAN STAY HERE? - YEAH, SURE.

259. WOW.

260. THANKS, MAN.

261. YOU'RE REALLY OF THE JAM.

262. OH SHIT.

263. EVERY TIME WE HAD SEX.

264. THAT'S KINDA NICE THOUGH.

265. NO.

266. IT WASN'T LIKE NICE, SOFT CRYING.

267. IT WAS LIKE,

268. LIKE A BABY,

269. FUCKING ME LIKE,

270. "OH KIM!

271. KIM!"

272. OH CHRIST, THAT'S HORRIBLE.

273. OH GOD. THIS IS SO GREAT.

274. I'M NEVER GOING LITTLE FAMILY.

275. WE EATING, PAPA?

276. I'M MAKING WITH TOMATO SAUCE.

277. WHAT ARE YOU DRAWING?

278. SOMETHING GREEN.

279. THAT'S GREAT.

280. LOOK.

281. I DREW A PONY.

282. THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A PONY.

283. IT DOESN'T?

284. HERE, IT NEEDS A TAIL.

285. OH YEAH.

286. THANKS.

287. - HEY. - HEY.

288. - HERE YOU GO. OKAY. - THANKS.

289. HEY, HOW IS IT GOING IN THERE?

290. OH, REALLY GOOD ACTUALLY.

291. LUCY'S HAVING

292. AND I'M GONNA WATCH "ROCKY V" TONIGHT WHILE SHE'S SLEEPING.

293. - GOOD, YOU SHOULD. - YEAH.

294. DOWN THERE?

295. GOOD. REALLY GOOD, ACTUALLY.

296. MY TIME TO RELAX.

297. BOOK YESTERDAY. - GOOD GOOD.

298. YEAH, AND I WAS

299. THAT TOMORROW'S MONDAY AND I'M OFF,

300. TAKE ONE MORE DAY.

301. AND ONE NIGHT MORE.

302. OH, YOU SHOULD, TOTALLY.

303. OH, THEN I CAN WATCH "CONQUEST OF THE PLANET OF THE APES" ON TBS.

304. - YEAH. OKAY GREAT. - YEAH.

305. - ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU LATER THEN. - OKAY.

306. OH, HERE'S YOUR MAIL.

307. OH, THANKS.

308. WHOA.

309. IN A DANGEROUS DIRECTION.

310. YEAH, I'M ENJOYING TOO MUCH.

311. I'M AS HAPPY AS I'VE EVER BEEN.

312. UH-OH.

313. YEAH, I BOUGHT

314. FOR JERRY'S APARTMENT. I SPENT

315. AND NOW I'M MOVING MY STUFF DOWN THERE.

316. WOW. IF THIS KEEPS UP WE'RE GONNA BE...

317. NEIGHBORS.

318. FUCK.

319. - WHAT DO WE DO? - WE GOTTA WORK THIS OUT.

320. TALKY THING.

321. NOW, LIKE TONIGHT. I'LL GET A BABYSITTER.

322. OKAY, I'LL MEET YOU DOWNSTAIRS AT 7:00.

323. GOOD.

324. WALTER.

325. WALTER, ARE YOU IN THE BEDROOM?

326. YEAH.

327. MY MOISTURIZER?

328. OKAY, HONEY.

329. THAT WE'RE DOING THIS.

330. DEFINITELY. DEFINITELY.

331. READY TO ORDER?

332. OH YEAH. JUST ONE SECOND.

333. I'M GONNA HAVE

334. DON'T GET THAT. ORDER SOMETHING HEALTHY.

335. IT'S A RESTAURANT.

336. GREASE IN YOUR ARTERIES?

337. GOOD, YEAH.

338. LOUIE, YOUR HEART'S GONNA EXPLODE.

339. BABY GREENS.

340. YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU JUST ORDER FOR ME?

341. AND WHY DON'T YOU EAT IT TOO?

342. IN MY MOUTH.

343. WE'RE GONNA NEED A MINUTE.

344. WAS A BAD IDEA.

345. JESUS CHRIST. FUCKING HATE.

346. YOU'RE NOT WHO HATES.

347. WHAT? YOU HATE ME?

348. YEAH, SOMETIMES.

349. YOU'RE SURPRISED?

350. I DON'T KNOW, JUST...

351. HEARING YOU SAY IT.

352. GOD.

353. WHEN YOU HATE ME?

354. AND I LET IT DOWN TO A DIAMOND.

355. AND WE'RE MARRIED.

356. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

357. SO NICE.

358. YOU KNOW, WHEN WE STARTED DATING.

359. YEAH, THAT WAS NICE.

360. DATE THOUGH.

361. OH GOD, NO. THAT WAS AWFUL.

362. NIGHTMARE.

363. TO THAT SHITTY CAFE.

364. YOU SMELLED.

365. WHEN I TALKED TO YOU.

366. THE WHOLE TIME.

367. AND THINKING, "JESUS, I HATE THAT GUY."

368. OH MY GOD.

369. I'VE HATED YOU FROM THE BEGINNING.

370. THE SAME THING.

371. - YOU DID? - YEAH.

372. GAVE ME A DIRTY LOOK.

373. TO THAT RESTAURANT, YOU ACTED SNOOTY ABOUT IT.

374. THESE LONG, FUCKING STORIES

375. LISTEN TO THAT SHIT?

376. AND THINKING, "GOD, I HATE THE SHIT OUT OF THAT BITCH."

377. HATED EACH OTHER.

378. YEAH.

379. - ISN'T THAT BAD? - NO, IT'S GREAT.

380. 'CAUSE ALL MARRIED COUPLES HATE EACH OTHER.

381. THE ONES THAT DON'T THAT CAN'T HANDLE IT.

382. HANDLE IT, 'CAUSE IT'S BEEN THERE SINCE THE BEGINNING.

383. TO BE TOGETHER.

384. YEAH, WE DID.

385. WAS BUILT ON HATE.

386. THAT'S WHY IT'S GONNA LAST FOREVER.

387. LISTEN. TONIGHT, WHEN WE GET HOME,

388. I'M GONNA FUCK YOUR TITS OFF.

389. SO YOU SEE,

390. ON YOUR FACE.

391. AND YOU JUST SAY, "OH BOY."

392. AND YOUR STOMACH SAYS, "THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE PUDDING POP,"

393. AND YOU SAY, "YOU'RE WELCOME, STOMACH."

394. AND THEN YOUR STOMACH SAYS, "I THINK I WANT ANOTHER

395. AND THE FLAVOR."

396. YOU KNOW WHAT, BITCH? YOU CAN KISS MY ASS.