Lucky Hank 1x7

1. So it's the middle of the night,

2. and, uh, I'm naked,

3. I'm in a museum,

4. I'm surrounded by these Roman statues, right,

5. and I realize I have to take a leak,

6. so I go to the bathroom,

7. and Rodin's Thinking Guy, right,

8. he's either there already, or he followed me in.

9. - Uh-huh. - I'm trying to take a leak,

10. but he's staring at me,

11. and then, suddenly, the statue starts to pee.

12. I mean, like,

13. the longest, loudest pee that you've ever heard,

14. like Vesuvius.

15. Like Niagara.

16. I mean, he's mocking me.

17. I get no relief, not even in my sleep.

18. I'm kind of clogged up.

19. Wow. Wow, loud.

20. That was much louder than I thought it was going to be.

21. It was exactly as loud as I thought it would be.

22. Did you look at the apartments I sent you?

23. Yeah, whatever you want's fine.

24. But I want you to feel like it's your place, too.

25. You don't have any preferences?

26. I... I don't know,

27. a place with some nature around it,

28. and a view of the river?

29. - You know anything like that? - I'm off.

30. Did you just give me the cheek?

31. I haven't brushed.

32. Uh-uh, not today.

33. Okay.

34. I will call you from New York.

35. - I love you. - You too.

36. No jail this time.

37. Ha!

38. You're way too happy!

39. Oh, good.

40. Two jars of pickles.

41. Which are the good ones?

42. Hmm, what if I choose the wrong one?

43. Oh, forget it.

44. Uh, yeah. The green pickles.

45. Green for good.

46. Wait. No. Blue for better?

47. Was that...

48. Dad?

49. Dad?

50. I've saved the best for last for this date.

51. Oh, I'm so glad!

52. Yeah, yeah. I have to end it on—

53. On a high note.

54. Yeah, girl, yes, absolutely.

55. What the hell?

56. Oh, I'm so happy about that.

57. - Hi, Julie. - Hi.

58. I've called you, like, five times.

59. I know. I can't find my phone.

60. This phone?

61. Oh, there it is.

62. - Thanks. - Yup.

63. Hey.

64. Has Russell been here at all?

65. I don't know, was he here?

66. Dad!

67. Focus.

68. Have you seen Russell in the past 24 hours?

69. No.

70. - Okay. - Something wrong?

71. No. It's nothing.

72. When does Mom get back?

73. In a couple days, I think.

74. Um...

75. Russell didn't come home last night.

76. Is that unusual?

77. Yes.

78. We're married. You were at the wedding.

79. You were so pretty.

80. Well, did you call him?

81. You didn't think I'd try calling him?

82. Well, do you want me to call him?

83. Yeah, I guess.

84. I'd like to know he's okay, and not, like,

85. at the bottom of a lake somewhere.

86. Are you guys fighting?

87. We're kind of always fighting, but it's fine.

88. Oh.

89. I can't... I thought I had his contact.

90. Do you have his number?

91. Oh, my God. Okay.

92. Forget it.

93. Thank you so much.

94. Goodbye.

95. Okay. Thank you.

96. Oh, Jesus.

97. Oh, sorry.

98. If you're here to slaughter my father, he's in the bedroom.

99. Great.

100. Yeah, I get that about you.

101. Yeah...

102. - Ew. - Ah.

103. I brought your stinkin' chainsaw back.

104. Just put it on the bed.

105. So you can spoon it?

106. Are you depressed because you miss our friendship?

107. Look...

108. At the convention...

109. Hmm.

110. The people,

111. the meal.

112. I... Uh...

113. Sorry?

114. I'm sorry.

115. Nice apology.

116. You can keep the chainsaw.

117. - I don't want it. - It's an expensive one.

118. - It's broken. - I know, but...

119. All right, grab your loaf of bread. Let's get out of here.

120. No, I want to see what happens to the pretty girl.

121. She cheats on Massimo with T-bone.

122. - Are you— - Yeah.

123. Here, come here. Take a look at these.

124. I see. I see 'em.

125. It's a white Trillium, or Trinity Flower.

126. See it's got three petals, one, two, three?

127. Okay.

128. They're really rare to find.

129. Come on.

130. Take a look.

131. The Native Americans use them for medicinal purposes.

132. That's fine.

133. Actually, they're considered endangered

134. because they take up to ten years to grow.

135. - Beautiful. - I just said they were endangered.

136. Oh.

137. I wasn't really listening.

138. Okay.

139. Yeah, put it back 'cause that's how flowers work.

140. Come on.

141. You know how when Zelda and I got divorced,

142. we each took a night table?

143. I wasn't tracking that, but sure.

144. So now she's remarried and wants the other night table,

145. and I know it's putting a lot on a piece of furniture,

146. but I kind of felt like we were still connected,

147. like I wasn't sleeping alone.

148. I gave Lily the cheek the other day

149. when she leaned in to kiss goodbye.

150. So we're talking about you now?

151. That's why I showed up.

152. Okay, I had my time.

153. So are you mad at her for leaving?

154. I didn't think I was till I gave her the cheek,

155. but I thought I was happy for her.

156. Well, the lips know more than the brain.

157. Yeah.

158. My anger has nowhere to go.

159. It's unhoused.

160. I'm like the Count of Monte Cristo,

161. but instead of plotting revenge for 40 years,

162. I've been plotting a pointed conversation with my dad,

163. and now the man that I wanted to confront is gone.

164. Gone. It's like an action movie,

165. where I go to punch a guy,

166. and he ducks, and I hit the guy behind him,

167. and then I'm feeling guilty,

168. then the guy behind me whacks me in the back of the head.

169. Look, I've been here.

170. No one knows an existential hole

171. like a divorced person.

172. Climbing out isn't easy.

173. Start with one thing.

174. Something simple.

175. Could be as easy as just picking clothes up off the floor.

176. Get it done.

177. Notice the feeling.

178. Tomorrow, you'll get two things.

179. Come on. Be present.

180. Close your eyes.

181. First thing that comes up off the top of your head.

182. Close your eyes.

183. Um... Uh, my sink is leaking.

184. The hose is broken.

185. Well, you've got to get right on that.

186. I will.

187. It'll get under your floorboards, it could cost you 15 grand.

188. - I will. - You'll get black mold under there.

189. - What are you even doing here? - I'll go.

190. We're walking around in the woods, your house is falling apart—

191. Yeah, I'll go.

192. Uh, Henry?

193. Are you all right?

194. Henry?

195. Ah.

196. I'm making us a Vichyssoise for lunch.

197. I need a toothbrush, Laurel.

198. Oh, well, give me 15 minutes.

199. I'll drive you into town.

200. I want to drive myself.

201. Oh, don't start that again, Henry.

202. You lived in Manhattan far too long

203. to remember how to drive.

204. We drove upstate last winter.

205. I love to drive.

206. We'll go together.

207. We'll make it an outing.

208. I don't want a goddamn outing.

209. I want to drive myself into town

210. and get it,

211. alone.

212. Well, I won't let you.

213. I'm sorry, Henry, it's far too risky.

214. Hey.

215. Hey, I was thinking about you.

216. I'm where we had our second date.

217. Do you remember that little cafe on West 4th?

218. And my realtor,

219. I swear to you, he looks just like the guy from The Bachelor.

220. You had a crush on him, right?

221. No.

222. I just thought he was too good for that girl.

223. Well, look, Russell's been gone overnight.

224. He's probably in some motel somewhere,

225. blowing all his money on whores and drugs

226. and whatever's in the mini fridge.

227. Oh, yeah, she told you?

228. Yeah, we spoke.

229. Julie and I,

230. not Russell.

231. So what should I do?

232. It's their marriage.

233. Just keep your brain out of their headspace.

234. It's full of booby-traps.

235. Julie just needs to take this time

236. and figure it out on her own.

237. Sorry.

238. You've got to be kidding me.

239. Do you have a different take?

240. No, I'm passing my dad.

241. He's walking. I heard what you said.

242. I'll stay out of it. That's my forte.

243. Oh, Christ, if I pick him up...

244. I've got to go to work and the hardware store.

245. Hello?

246. He hung up on me.

247. Ah.

248. Lily-Lil!

249. Today's the day we find you a new home.

250. The vibes are strong today.

251. Hey, partner!

252. Rodeo is back that way.

253. You need a ride?

254. Uh, no thanks.

255. Dad! Dad, it's me!

256. Come on.

257. Come on, get in.

258. He's losing his marbles.

259. Well, I always hated his marbles,

260. so maybe there's something better

261. rattling around in there now.

262. A couple of nickels?

263. Maybe a rare one I could sell?

264. You can't take me home.

265. Well, I gotta go to work, so...

266. I'll go with you.

267. No, I...

268. Does Laurel know where you are?

269. I gotta get my own car.

270. She keeps me trapped at home

271. like I'm in a Stephen King novel.

272. Could be worse.

273. It could be a Jane Austen novel.

274. Yuck.

275. All right, buckle up.

276. Dammit, Leslie!

277. That is a bald-faced lie!

278. I'm just the messenger here.

279. We would...

280. We would support a strike.

281. You know we would.

282. It's the damn French department

283. and their stupid French berets!

284. We are and have,

285. until recently, always...

286. Right through here.

287. What's going on over there?

288. Rourke's on with the union rep.

289. Something about the legislature vote coming up.

290. What did she say? What did you say?

291. It's nothing. It's budget cuts.

292. What cuts? What are they cutting?

293. Uh, right through here.

294. That wasn't an issue at Columbia.

295. Yeah, the Columbia endowment was $21 billion.

296. If I needed something,

297. we'd just call the president's girl,

298. and that was it.

299. You'd call his daughter?

300. Uh, look, this is my father, Henry.

301. This is my assistant, Rachel.

302. She's going to take care of you.

303. Listen, if he gets feisty,

304. just, uh...

305. just give him some of these student papers to read.

306. She looks gifted.

307. And so it begins.

308. Young lady, I'd like your help with a couple of things.

309. All right, cool it.

310. It's okay. What do you need, Mr. Devereaux?

311. First, I'd like a coffee, light, with two sugars.

312. Second, I'd like to know

313. what's on your bedside table.

314. You don't have to answer.

315. Excuse me?

316. What are you reading now?

317. - Oh. - Okay, he can read them,

318. but don't let him grade anything.

319. Our faithful union rep

320. won't call for a strike.

321. Why not?

322. - She's prudent. - She's a pussy.

323. Well, she thinks it will fail

324. because department chairs like Hank here

325. abandoned the union weeks ago.

326. Remember how our last strike went?

327. We lost more ground than we gained.

328. So then this time, we do it better.

329. That's all you ever do, is nothing!

330. Your solution to everything, right?

331. Don't even try?

332. You've screwed us all.

333. Them's the facts.

334. My car lease is up tomorrow.

335. Ah, you know what?

336. I'm just going to assume the worst and get a Kia.

337. Where have we landed?

338. Well, Dickie Pope's a master tactician.

339. Our plan can't be to outsmart him.

340. Why don't you keep sucking his balls,

341. and we seeing where that gets us?

342. Look, I'm just pointing out

343. that he's executing his plan brilliantly.

344. You know, he hasn't missed a step.

345. So, realistically, we're going to lose this.

346. Aren't we?

347. Hank?

348. So, can you at least tell us what you're thinking?

349. You're not going to like it.

350. We're grownups.

351. I've really got to replace the hose on my kitchen sink.

352. Jesus.

353. Hey, Julie, I'm on my way to class.

354. I just have a minute. What's up?

355. I just went to Russell's pottery class,

356. which he never misses, and he wasn't there,

357. and his teacher said it was a weird day for him to miss

358. because he was about to do under-glazing,

359. and he hasn't returned any of my texts,

360. and none of his friends have heard from him,

361. and I think something's wrong with him, Dad.

362. Like, this isn't like him.

363. Right.

364. Okay, well, something's definitely happened to him.

365. What, do I call the police?

366. The FBI doesn't get involved unless it's been three days,

367. I know that from Euphoria.

368. Look,

369. what is the most logical explanation here, okay?

370. You told Mom you thought he was having an affair?

371. Yeah, but that was wrong. Even Mom said so.

372. That was about us not connecting

373. because I never see him.

374. Well, why is that?

375. Because of that stupid job you made him take.

376. Can you just tell me what to do?

377. All right, I'm talking about the simplest reason, okay?

378. Have you ever heard of Occam's Razor?

379. Okay?

380. It means the most obvious explanation

381. is very often the truth.

382. That sounds dumb.

383. It just means that Russell isn't calling you back,

384. and he's not coming home because he doesn't want to.

385. Now I know why Mom's leaving you.

386. I...

387. "... and he sat back in the doctor's armchair,

388. and the room got smaller,

389. and the air got colder,

390. and the chair got less comfortable,

391. - and the carpet—" - Okay, Lester, that's...

392. That's interesting, interesting take on...

393. the subject of having an hour left to live,

394. but I think we left Jen's story a little early.

395. Jen, you said your protagonist was 24?

396. - Twenty-two, actually. - Okay, whatever.

397. She needs help,

398. but she never asks her father for help.

399. Why is that?

400. Well, her father's not in the story.

401. The story's about how she lost her neighbor's dog.

402. Yes, yes, but as a curious reader,

403. I'm just wondering if the father gave her,

404. you know, probably true advice on how to find a dog,

405. or manage one,

406. what... what would that look like?

407. Why would she call her dad, though?

408. I mean, I don't think the reader

409. is going to be thinking about that.

410. The perceptive reader would.

411. No.

412. No call, 'cause...

413. here's what's going to happen.

414. She's going to give her dad a call,

415. and he's going to give some messed-up fatherly advice,

416. and probably get too involved

417. and take away her agency.

418. No way she's calling her dad.

419. You called your father.

420. What?

421. Are we talking about my story?

422. So, what about my story?

423. No, we're still talking about Jen's story,

424. just Jen's story,

425. but let's...

426. Take away her agency, let me push back on that.

427. She's an adult, so how does he do that?

428. He can't.

429. Also, if he doesn't help her, isn't he abandoning her?

430. No, it still takes away from her story.

431. Well, it shows that he cares.

432. He could just care in his head because I didn't write him into the story.

433. If I may, Professor,

434. I think what you're trying to say is that...

435. Well, and this is also true in my experience,

436. every character carries three characters with them,

437. a father, a mother,

438. a younger sister.

439. Yeah! That's right.

440. But is this kind of character work

441. on people who aren't actually in the story really important?

442. It's vital.

443. Yeah, uh...

444. Yes, I mean, the father is in her life.

445. He should be in her story.

446. Yeah, he should help her find the dog.

447. Okay.

448. Then, um...

449. her father died when she was three.

450. - Aw, that's... - Okay, yeah,

451. no, that's just lazy.

452. Yeah.

453. What?

454. Have you seen Russell?

455. - Nope. - Has he been at work?

456. Nope.

457. Okay, well, if you see him, have him call me, okay?

458. Julie is worried about him.

459. Yup.

460. Is everything okay?

461. You can't hide forever.

462. I know.

463. To wit, I have never been more stuck in the muck

464. than on that blistery New York evening,

465. and, of course,

466. my mind went directly to Dickens

467. and his irrational fear of hansom cabs.

468. Ah.

469. Um, where was I?

470. Uh, fear of cabs.

471. Yes. We know Dickens suffered trauma

472. from a train derailment he was in.

473. He wrote a letter in 1865

474. to an opera singer he met in Paris,

475. Madame Pauline Viardot.

476. Fascinating...

477. You let him out?

478. - Well, I couldn't just lock him in— - What did you do to him?

479. He hates Dickens, okay? He's written three books on how much he hates Dickens.

480. Well, I didn't know.

481. What is it about fame

482. that turns people into sycophantic morons?

483. I mean, he can barely tie his own shoelaces,

484. and he's spitting out nonsense from muscle memory here,

485. and they're riveted,

486. like he's Taylor Swift,

487. and they're, you know, the world.

488. Scintillating anecdote.

489. - I wonder if you might perhaps drop by my class. - Oh, no, no.

490. No. We've got to leave.

491. - What? He didn't finish his story. - Yeah.

492. Yes, he did.

493. A few more minutes.

494. Okay. I'll see you in 10 years.

495. Hey...

496. Your daughter hung up on me.

497. Good for her.

498. If you're not careful, she's going to turn out like you.

499. Maybe she's still mad at you.

500. Mad at me? Why?

501. Why? Because you fired her.

502. You lied to her.

503. You told her that you didn't have

504. any more classes to offer her.

505. But she doesn't know I lied.

506. You told her?

507. Well, she was going to take a gig in Tennessee.

508. You know? So, what am I going to do,

509. see her once a year?

510. She's the only daughter I like.

511. What are my Thanksgivings gonna be without Margaret?

512. Sitting in some damn diner

513. listening to my stupid son-in-law

514. talk about monster truck shows?

515. You handled this perfectly.

516. Nice job.

517. Okay, the lecture's over.

518. Seriously. Come on.

519. You've got to get your coat.

520. If anyone calls, I've gone fishing.

521. Okay.

522. - I got it. - English department.

523. Uh, okay.

524. Hey, Gracie?

525. Dean Rose would like to see you.

526. He wants to see me?

527. Can't I just... Can I call him?

528. He said it's a sensitive matter?

529. Is... Is someone from Human Resources

530. going to be there?

531. He didn't say?

532. Well, this can't be.

533. I mean, you... you don't think...

534. You don't think that this is...

535. I was just published!

536. - I'm sorry. - It's all right, Jill, I sent for her.

537. - Gracie, sit— - I will not sit, and I will not go,

538. gently or otherwise...

539. - Gracie— - ... and if I do,

540. you can count on it being otherwise.

541. - Gracie— - My class enrollments

542. are the highest in the department.

543. All of my courses have waitlists.

544. Sometimes, students wait two or three hours

545. - to see if they're granted access! - Gracie.

546. How can you put me on the chopping block?

547. Oh, this isn't about that.

548. This...

549. I did it.

550. I'm getting a divorce.

551. It's finally happening.

552. - You moved out? - Well...

553. - Oh, my God. - No, this is real.

554. I said the words. She took it well.

555. Too well, to be honest,

556. and she actually thanked me

557. because I brought it up first,

558. and then she went out with friends.

559. You're too late.

560. Maybe,

561. maybe if you had come to me six months ago, but...

562. I am on the rise.

563. You had your chance.

564. "We dipped our palms in chalk to...

565. keep our hands from letting go...

566. and..."

567. Interesting interpretation.

568. It's 380 square feet,

569. - massive walk-in closet. - Mmm-hmm.

570. Hardwood floors,

571. - and a cute little alcove. - Oh, yeah.

572. That's nice.

573. And you're only two blocks away from the A and C subway lines,

574. which takes you right into Penn Station.

575. - That's where your school is, yeah? - Yeah.

576. And this one's $2,900?

577. $2,885.

578. Oh.

579. Hmm?

580. I don't know.

581. It's very cute.

582. It's a little small.

583. I'm just thinking if my husband comes to visit, or my daughter,

584. or what if both of them come at the same time, then what do we do?

585. Okay, I'm noticing a pattern here.

586. Do you see the pattern?

587. Look, I show you a small place,

588. you talk about visitors.

589. - I show you a big place— - Oh, yeah, I see.

590. Okay,

591. here's what we're gonna do.

592. I only do this for my favorite clients.

593. - Close your eyes. - Okay.

594. Now imagine your perfect day.

595. Okay.

596. I... I wake up early,

597. and I go for a run,

598. and then...

599. I get a cappuccino nearby,

600. maybe a really good croissant.

601. Work.

602. I go to a cafe after

603. for, like, emails and whatever.

604. Um...

605. meet up with a friend or two

606. for drinks and dinner,

607. some place new and fun,

608. and then home,

609. settle in,

610. watch TV, or...

611. read in bed.

612. And that's your perfect day?

613. Yeah, more or less.

614. Okay.

615. Now, here's what I'm hearing.

616. No husband,

617. no kids,

618. no visitors.

619. Eh...

620. just sayin'.

621. I think I picked the wrong perfect day.

622. Oh, come on, he was trying to rent you an apartment.

623. I feel guilty.

624. Why? You're here, so you're thinking about here.

625. I have to go to the bathroom.

626. Oh, shit.

627. My husband.

628. Shit.

629. Hey!

630. - What a surprise. - I know, right?

631. How lucky.

632. - I had a client nearby. - Ooh.

633. Did you order yet?

634. No, uh, just waiting for a menu.

635. Fantastic. Okay, great.

636. - It's so good you're here. - Everything okay... at work?

637. - Not really. - It's a tough day for me, too.

638. Yeah, looks like it.

639. Well, I heard you say that it was a good place...

640. So, uh, Steve and Fiona

641. invited us up to the Berkshires this weekend.

642. You know, their house in the Berkshires.

643. Uh-huh.

644. So I'll just say that we're, you know, too busy to go, or—

645. - I mean, how nice is their house? - It's a shithole.

646. Here we are!

647. One Italian chopped salad,

648. and one chicken penne.

649. That's ours.

650. - I don't think so— - No, that's definitely ours. We ordered it.

651. - Mmm-hmm. - Yup.

652. Thanks.

653. Looks tasty.

654. Do you want to share, or—

655. Actually, I want a divorce.

656. But, uh... But-but why?

657. Well, I feel like you're not honest with me,

658. or with anyone really.

659. You know, I feel you're...

660. You're a dishonest person.

661. Uh, but-but that's not—

662. Why are you doing this?

663. And your erections are soft.

664. - Not always. - And you're clingy.

665. I mean, I can't even have lunch on my own

666. without you having to be all over it.

667. I thought you liked having lunch with me.

668. No, you know what?

669. It's me.

670. Yep. I'm just not fulfilled.

671. You want to tell me why?

672. You really wanna know?

673. I'm not in the same place as when we met.

674. I've grown, or...

675. Or at least I'm trying,

676. and I feel like you haven't...

677. Or maybe you're just starting,

678. but, like, it's a series of, like...

679. false starts,

680. and it never... t never really goes anywhere,

681. and...

682. And I can't just keep...

683. waiting,

684. hoping,

685. for no other reason than to hope

686. that we're going to...

687. That we're going to be in sync again, so...

688. I have made some big decisions,

689. and I'm starting to see

690. that those decisions don't involve you anymore,

691. and I'm really sorry,

692. but they just don't.

693. So, um...

694. am I going to go, or are you?

695. - Um... - Oh, Jesus.

696. - There. - Where are we?

697. Just sit here, okay?

698. Don't touch anything. Don't talk to anyone, and if you have to pee,

699. don't.

700. I'll be right back.

701. I called the bar.

702. They told me your shift ended an hour ago.

703. I know Billie told you what I told her,

704. I mean, about the classes.

705. I'm sorry that I did that.

706. I shouldn't have.

707. I really don't want to talk about this right now.

708. Yeah.

709. Hey, do you think we can get past this?

710. Because I want you to know why I did it.

711. - 'Cause I think you're better— - It's just a bad time, Hank, okay?

712. Yeah. Yeah, all right.

713. Russell?

714. Yeah?

715. Oh...

716. Julie is worried about you.

717. - Dad, um— - Just put your pants on.

718. I'm going to take you home to your wife.

719. - So, Gramps— - No.

720. - CarMax! - What?

721. CarMax!

722. - That's obviously not a CarMax— - It's a car-looking place.

723. - You know what I'm talking about. - No, it's fine. Leave it.

724. - I'm not going in. - Pull over!

725. - Pull over! - No, I don't want—

726. - Pull over right now! - All right, calm down!

727. I'm pulling in!

728. No laughing!

729. I'm not ready for you to laugh!

730. What did he do? What'd you do?

731. He cheated on his wife.

732. Bah! She'll be fine.

733. All right, you can look at the cars.

734. You have as much time as it takes me

735. to try to pee.

736. What?

737. You'll never believe who I've got in my car.

738. Is he with you? Is he okay?

739. Yeah.

740. He's okay in the way that you mean it.

741. Where was he?

742. Well, I'll let him tell you.

743. I'll have him home in 20 minutes.

744. Okay.

745. Thank you. Bye.

746. You know, you don't know the whole story.

747. I only know the dirty parts.

748. It's just it's hard with Julie sometimes.

749. You don't know how she gets. I get excited about this great idea,

750. and all she does is tell me all the reasons why it's stupid.

751. Like, they thought Google was a stupid idea

752. until it made a million dollars.

753. I just feel like sometimes...

754. Sometimes, I need somebody in my corner

755. who doesn't make me feel like a complete loser.

756. All right, well, maybe you need to find a different corner.

757. What's this?

758. - You're Henry's son, right? - Yeah.

759. Yeah, well, he's chosen a car,

760. but, um, he's going to need a co-signer.

761. Uh, no. He... He can't drive.

762. and also, the last thing he needs

763. is my financial backing.

764. Yeah, well, he needs someone's.

765. No credit, unpaid credit-card bills,

766. terrible credit rating, no savings.

767. This can't be right.

768. What?

769. And she thinks you're a loser.

770. - Get in. - Okay.

771. You're not buying a car today.

772. Okay, okay.

773. Hank, dear. Where are you?

774. Where is Henry?

775. All right, I'm about to leave a car dealership

776. with my esteemed father.

777. Did you know that he is completely broke?

778. Of course I knew.

779. Of course you knew.

780. All right, I'm putting you on speaker phone

781. so you and Dad can get your stories straight.

782. Go.

783. - Give me this. - Your father is a very important man,

784. the kind of man who gets taken advantage of.

785. It was Belinda.

786. It was Melanie. A Joyce scholar. Zero originality.

787. Let me guess.

788. You cheated on her,

789. more than once,

790. so she got her revenge by stealing all your money?

791. My money wasn't the only thing she stole.

792. She plagiarized my theory about Dubliners!

793. The bitch.

794. You're being very unfair, Hank.

795. Your father's in a crisis.

796. We're his family.

797. - It's our duty to take care of him— - Alright.

798. My duty is to go see my daughter,

799. and I'm going to do that right now.

800. Give me that.

801. Hey, Dad.

802. Is he in the car?

803. Honey, can we sit down?

804. No. Where is he?

805. He ran away.

806. Very funny. Can you tell me where he is?

807. Julie, you were right.

808. He was cheating on you.

809. No.

810. No, he can't, he's not a good enough liar.

811. You have to understand

812. that guys like Russell, hon',

813. they're... They're small.

814. He's my husband.

815. I know it's hard to hear,

816. but I want you to understand, you know,

817. so you're not wondering.

818. He doesn't feel respected.

819. He doesn't feel smart around you—

820. Stop. Stop.

821. You're just making shit up.

822. - He wasn't cheating on me! - I'm not making... No!

823. Thank you.

824. You're an Amazon Prime member?

825. - That— - Dad...

826. - Doesn't that co— - He wasn't cheating on me!

827. Look, he's terrified to face you, okay?

828. He's a little boy.

829. Can he even grow a beard?

830. Why are you taking his side?

831. I'm not taking his side.

832. I'm just making excuses for him, his excuses.

833. I didn't say... I'm saying them, but—

834. You left Grandpa in the car?

835. He's fine.

836. He can fiddle with the knobs.

837. It's a wonderland for him.

838. Where is the fiction section?

839. Uh, this is not a bookstore.

840. I saw some paperbacks over there.

841. Okay, well, that's the fiction section.

842. We had better libraries at Columbia.

843. Right, right,

844. but did Columbia have a plumbing aisle?

845. Well, where's your assistant, the boy?

846. What boy?

847. The one you were mad at.

848. That's my daughter's husband, okay?

849. And he was cheating on her.

850. That's why you were mad?

851. Yeah, that's why I was mad.

852. You're being too hard on him.

853. Dalliances happen.

854. - It's part of marriage. - No, it isn't.

855. It's hurtful and it's wrong.

856. I've been there, buddy.

857. Sometimes, it's right.

858. There are tears, sure,

859. but people come out stronger.

860. No, they don't.

861. From personal experience,

862. I can tell you they do.

863. You can lose yourself in a marriage

864. if you're not careful.

865. The key is to identify

866. what will make you, the individual, prosper.

867. Yeah? And what about your son, huh?

868. Should you have been there for him?

869. I was never going to be a father.

870. That wasn't me.

871. What was I gonna do?

872. You can't be in between in life.

873. You've got put yourself all in.

874. Make that choice.

875. So no regrets, huh?

876. I have regrets,

877. sure.

878. Yeah?

879. Recently,

880. I've started rereading Dickens.

881. Oh, much of the work is appalling, of course, maudlin.

882. Still,

883. I recognize

884. I was too hard on him.

885. I feel almost as if I have sinned against the man.

886. Deprived of the possibility of confrontation,

887. I turned to revenge.

888. I realize that the Count of Monte Cristo

889. was unfulfilled by his revenge,

890. and ended up pitying his nemesis,

891. and even helping him.

892. I hate to call ol' Dantes a softie,

893. but I have to say,

894. this feels just fine to me.

895. I don't need any more of your help.

896. I'm not here to help.