Lucky Hank 1x6

1. Hey, Dad, welcome to Railton.

2. Just a couple questions.

3. How come you didn't come to my wedding?

4. Or want to meet your only grandchild?

5. Or how could you abandon me

6. when I had a rope around my neck?

7. That's it, just those questions.

8. Feel free to write your answers on a postcard

9. and mail it to me.

10. Then we can go back to avoiding each other.

11. I'm coming in!

12. Dad! Get out!

13. Hmm...

14. I almost took a shower with our daughter.

15. Yeah, she came in the night.

16. She slept upstairs in her old room.

17. What's that about?

18. Mmm...

19. She didn't want to say, she wanted to sleep.

20. If we turned her room into a gym,

21. this wouldn't happen.

22. Or she'd get into great shape.

23. - Bright side. - Mmm.

24. - I saw my father on Tuesday. - What?

25. I was in my car. I just wanted to get a glimpse.

26. There he was.

27. What did he say? Or just how... did it go?

28. We didn't talk.

29. I don't want to be lied to,

30. and I only want to know he's here because he's old,

31. unemployed, and wants to be taken care of.

32. - That's understandable. - I'm going for a run.

33. - Great. - That's... important.

34. Oh, it's my mom.

35. Oh, yeah, she's been calling me.

36. You too?

37. - Did you talk to her? - No, no, I wouldn't know what to say to her.

38. Why haven't you answered my calls?

39. Because my, um, caller ID works.

40. You hurt your father very badly, you know.

41. He played me the message you left.

42. Oh, he's keeping my messages.

43. What message?

44. Oh, I didn't tell you, I left a message for my dad.

45. I told him he's not welcome here in Railton.

46. It was a cruel thing to say.

47. It stung him very badly.

48. It was so over the line,

49. Henry says he's leaving after the weekend.

50. He says he's going to North Carolina.

51. North Carolina? What's in North Carolina?

52. Oh,

53. a graduate student that he hasn't seduced yet.

54. - Gruen. - What's that, the monster from Beowulf?

55. His second wife.

56. It would be a terrible situation for him,

57. living out the last of his days

58. in a place he has no connection to,

59. far from any family...

60. and the monster's Grendel.

61. Well, you tell him to have a nice trip,

62. and the monster is Grendel's mom.

63. Hank!

64. This is something that's very important to me.

65. He'll leave for good

66. if you don't come by and ask him to stay.

67. I'm not going to do that.

68. I'm asking you.

69. Hank isn't available this weekend.

70. He has a conference.

71. Is that true?

72. It's true I've been invited to a conference,

73. in Harrisburg.

74. Oh, you can skip that.

75. You have a choice to make

76. between your father

77. and an insignificant regional conference.

78. It's good for guys to have a thing.

79. This conference is kind of our thing.

80. And the one year you decided to pull out

81. is the one year I'm presenting.

82. I was beginning to take it personally.

83. Yeah, I've had a lot going on, you know.

84. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

85. It's just that you decided not to come weeks ago,

86. like the minute you saw the program

87. with my name and photo prominently displayed on it.

88. - I did? - Mmm-hmm.

89. I think we have a different definition of "prominent".

90. It's page three. Page three is the best.

91. Phew...

92. I got two other pages that will knock your socks off.

93. Let's go.

94. I hope I don't meet anyone from last year.

95. - You probably won't. - Or the year before.

96. Uh, Rosencrantz and Senor Guildenstern, please.

97. How many times have you heard that today?

98. Beats the Nietzsche brothers.

99. No, it does not.

100. Devereaux and Conigula.

101. Go right to page three?

102. Whoa, whoa.

103. I did not know Gracie was going to be here.

104. Quick, hand me my fake mustache.

105. You've got a beard.

106. Right. So, my Austin Powers teeth.

107. You're too kind. Look at her, holding court.

108. Wait till they find out she's an idiot.

109. That Atlantic poem was a total fluke.

110. It was one of those infinite monkey things?

111. Infinite monkey? No.

112. Twenty monkeys,

113. and they can take breaks, and they need one typewriter.

114. They'll poop out that poem in 10 minutes.

115. Come on. - No, no, drinks first. Come on.

116. I can't believe

117. that was just your first poem published in The Atlantic.

118. - Wonderful. - And such specificity.

119. Do you write with a pen or a scalpel?

120. Oh, please.

121. You all honor me, truly.

122. Honestly, I don't know what comes next.

123. I'm just trying to slurp the marrow from the present moment.

124. Poet laureate, 5:00. Dr. Grillo!

125. What?

126. Ms. DuBois, when I read your poem in The Atlantic,

127. I revisited your book of sonnets.

128. - I've added it to the syllabus for my spring seminar. - Oh.

129. I'm collecting selected poems

130. for an anthology of contemporary poets

131. re-imagining traditional forms.

132. I would love to include a villanelle of yours.

133. Let's get a drink later.

134. I would love that. I would...

135. I do remember you, yes.

136. You had a hat with a feather in it,

137. and the feather blew off

138. and landed in a lady's drink, right?

139. Uh, that was you.

140. Well, I prefer to be remembered for my work...

141. - Well... - ... but I'll take it.

142. Hank's a novelist, so it's his job to be kind of a dick.

143. Ah.

144. When do you present?

145. Tomorrow afternoon.

146. I have a paper on Ecophilosophy in a Post-Roe World.

147. How about you, Hank?

148. Are you presenting?

149. - I don't know. - You don't know if you're presenting?

150. So you were saying about Appiah's piece in the Times last Sunday?

151. Absolute rubbish.

152. This widower wrote in

153. - to ask if it would be ethical to read his deceased... - Sorry.

154. and asked him specifically not to do.

155. Uh, gin martini, extra olives, please.

156. Thank you.

157. That would be a mistake. - What?

158. That woman you followed in here.

159. "Anna Howard, professor of comparative literature,

160. University of Michigan."

161. However tempting, a dalliance for a dalliance is not an ethically-sound idea.

162. I shouldn't be here.

163. You're my biggest fan. I'm on page three.

164. I'm afraid I'm going to do something stupid.

165. Let me get you a drink.

166. After that, get a massage, take a schvitz.

167. Do any stupid thing you want,

168. except boink her,

169. 'cause you'd regret it.

170. When am I going to learn

171. that hotel rooms aren't fun anymore?

172. I mean, when you're young, they're full of potential,

173. an exotic alternative to your own crappy bedroom,

174. and clean sheets, too,

175. but at some point,

176. you just start thinking

177. about all the losers who stayed here before you.

178. Oh, that's sad.

179. All the losers,

180. hoping beyond hope

181. to meet someone in the hotel bar and get laid.

182. Hey!

183. - Do you need a hand? - Hi, yeah.

184. Can you put this in the very front.

185. Are you finally moving your stuff out?

186. Mom, how many times are we going to talk about this?

187. Is it such an inconvenience for me to keep, like,

188. a little bit of my stuff at your house?

189. I thought you liked having this conversation.

190. I thought that's why you kept your things here

191. even though you have your own big storage space.

192. Trunk.

193. Are you going somewhere?

194. Yeah, Russell and I had a fight,

195. so I'm going to take you up on that offer.

196. What offer?

197. I'm going to come stay with you in New York.

198. Okay, let's just, um...

199. Let's just back this up.

200. How bad a fight was this?

201. That's none of your business.

202. Julie!

203. - Mom. - You are married.

204. You cannot just run away

205. from the first big fight you guys have.

206. First big fight.

207. Mom, Russell literally is like...

208. Mom!

209. Russell is just...

210. he's pissing me off,

211. and this is... Honestly, this is all Dad's fault.

212. How so?

213. Because he got him that job, and it destroyed us.

214. It just destroyed us.

215. Like, I honestly don't think we've had sex

216. more than, like, ten times in the last month.

217. Oh, yeah? - Yes,

218. and he's not masturbating like he used to,

219. so he's totally cheating on me.

220. Julie.

221. Honey, do you... Do you really think so?

222. - I mean... - Yes.

223. and they brought nothing.

224. Nothing.

225. Like, when I go to her house, I bring a banana bread,

226. or a zucchini bread,

227. a bottle of wine, something,

228. and this is, like, the third time it's happened

229. where she shows up empty-handed.

230. I just think it's disrespectful.

231. At this point, she should not be invited anymore.

232. That's what I think!

233. I'm sorry.

234. Hank?

235. Hank?

236. Dad?

237. How did you...

238. Apparently, you have a beef with me.

239. And it boils down to one thing.

240. How could you leave us?

241. Me,

242. the way that you did.

243. That's a fair question.

244. Look, son,

245. there are three things

246. that you don't know about the situation.

247. In fact, three simple things,

248. once I tell you,

249. I think you'll understand completely.

250. In fact,

251. you might even be happy.

252. One...

253. Oh, it's hot in here.

254. Can you do the thing

255. to get us more steam?

256. One of the few

257. of all these species who mate for life.

258. Hello?

259. Hank?

260. I hear the sounds of a party down the hall.

261. Female voices.

262. What time is it?

263. Are you already in bed?

264. Yeah. My presentation is in the morning.

265. You're coming, right?

266. Of course.

267. It's hours away.

268. I mean, come on, I really need a distraction.

269. Ooh, what are the specials?

270. We have vodka and soda,

271. and...

272. soda with vodka in it.

273. Oh, that's a tough choice.

274. I'd say soda with vodka?

275. I'm going to look for some of those female voices.

276. Cheers.

277. Hard to believe,

278. but these are some of the most above-average minds in academia.

279. Why are they here?

280. Will they change the world?

281. Not unless being published in an academic journal

282. read by 40 people

283. is earth-shattering.

284. No, these people are in a fierce competition.

285. I don't know.

286. A provocative thesis is one thing,

287. but Marjorie DeCampos is going to be there.

288. From Emory? - Yes.

289. They're battling to see who can stick their heads

290. furthest up their own butt holes.

291. Ah, maybe I can help.

292. Make sure you have a printout.

293. Why?

294. Uh, the virus.

295. What virus?

296. - You guys don't know? - No.

297. Oh.

298. There's a computer virus being spread by the hotel WiFi.

299. Oh, no.

300. Some hacker from outside infected the whole system.

301. - When? - Like an hour ago.

302. - Oh, my God! - They've got an IT team from Zurich is working on it,

303. but I lost work from the last four years,

304. so... effing nightmare.

305. I'm so sorry.

306. It probably won't affect you guys

307. - because it only activates if you use certain programs. - Oh.

308. - Word, or Google Docs... - Oh, that's fine.

309. or, um... PowerPoint, and Keynote.

310. Oh, my God!

311. - What? - Yeesh!

312. - That's everything. - I'll tell you what,

313. it'll destroy your hard drive. Good luck.

314. - Oh, no, no. - My presentation is in Keynote.

315. Yeah, but mine is tomorrow. I have two!

316. I have two presentations.

317. I have to operate my happy family of clothing.

318. Because it's a charity rummage sale.

319. I know!

320. That you helped organize!

321. This is the best.

322. This could be every night in New York.

323. Hmm.

324. There's lots of stuff to do in New York at night.

325. Yeah, but what's better than this?

326. Okay, get out of the way.

327. What are you doing?

328. Get away from the closet, please.

329. No! Not that one! Oh!

330. I see you bought your own coffee.

331. Smart move.

332. They're feeding us battery acid over here.

333. Hank.

334. Anna.

335. You're, uh, one of the panelists, right?

336. You're the Bronte scholar?

337. - That's right. - Where did you study?

338. Northwestern.

339. Grad school?

340. Columbia.

341. See, I think we have someone in common.

342. - Mmm. - Henry Devereaux?

343. Henry?

344. Of course.

345. Yeah, he was my thesis advisor.

346. He was a real mentor to me.

347. Just a mentor?

348. So, did you study under him as well, or...

349. No, but I know you did.

350. I'm his son.

351. Do you want something from me?

352. Not really.

353. Well, that's not true.

354. Did he ever mention

355. that he had a son around your age?

356. I knew you existed, yeah.

357. Did he express any affection,

358. or have any fond memories?

359. It's hard to remember.

360. How about for you?

361. Do you feel like he cared about you?

362. Do you think he's capable...

363. of caring?

364. You should talk to him.

365. He's a...

366. He's a good man.

367. Is he?

368. poetic voice, so readily identifiable,

369. her brachyology, use of rhetorical terms,

370. wielding rhetorical devices,

371. syllepsis and apokoinou

372. like hatchets to her text

373. while she creates a syntax

374. for an urban landscape

375. she both describes and rebirths—

376. I-I think I'm going to have to challenge you on that, Fran—

377. Okay!

378. Oh, here we go!

379. Why is it that we...

380. How can someone not be self-aware enough

381. to know they are irrelevant?

382. I mean, if your gut doesn't tell you this,

383. there's a lot of clues.

384. Just look around.

385. There's 700 channels on TV,

386. and not a single one of them is devoted to poetry.

387. And you've accomplished

388. the greatest achievement of your career,

389. and seven people showed up for...

390. whatever this is.

391. At least I know I don't matter.

392. Oh, that one guy looks like Javier Bardem.

393. Blatcher is working

394. in a revolutionary poetic verbiage

395. that we see only in...

396. No!

397. Come on!

398. That's it, that's it!

399. No. No...

400. No, I don't want to hear it.

401. Yeah, well, then, you shouldn't have stayed out late every night for a month.

402. That's not someone wanting to be with me.

403. How long does it take to put up chairs?

404. There's, like, 30 chairs,

405. and it takes five seconds a chair.

406. That doesn't add up, Russell!

407. That's just math!

408. Okay, I'm just going to say something

409. that you don't want to hear.

410. Is it possible that he's just actually working late?

411. Yeah, but it's "why is he working late?"

412. It's because he took a job to be away from me,

413. just like you're taking a job to be away from Dad.

414. That is not...

415. That...

416. That is not why I took this job.

417. Oh, come on, it's me.

418. Yes, I know who I'm talking to.

419. Okay, calm down.

420. - You guys are just going through something. - I get it.

421. - No, you don't. - Okay, so you and Dad are just perfect then?

422. No. No, Julie, there are little things,

423. but they're little things,

424. and then when there's a bigger thing,

425. then we work it out.

426. Okay, so that's what you want from me?

427. - Yeah. - You want me to work it out with Russell

428. and stay with him, and then in, like, 25 years,

429. leave him in a cloud of denial?

430. Oh!

431. Oh, my God. Get in the car.

432. We are going to talk to Russell.

433. No, we're not doing that. We're staying here. I want to finish the game.

434. Get in the car.

435. No!

436. That was super mature.

437. Come on!

438. You got it! That's it!

439. Aw!

440. A little early, no?

441. It was a disaster.

442. - What was? - What was? My talk was.

443. I'm almost glad you weren't there.

444. It doesn't matter.

445. I just, I don't even know where to start.

446. Can I get the same thing?

447. Um...

448. start in the middle?

449. I missed a key paper last year.

450. Everything I was saying about the neuroscience of moral judgment

451. was apparently made irrelevant

452. in the third quarter of the Journal of Neuroscience,

453. which, in hindsight,

454. may have been a pretty good thing for me to have been reading.

455. Well, let's...

456. Let's qualify relevance here. Relevant to who?

457. I mean, how many people showed up at this thing?

458. What does that matter? It was my research.

459. I'm just trying to put it in perspective, right?

460. It's not like you lost a patient on the table.

461. The whole thing was extra embarrassing

462. because I couldn't even access my notes.

463. There was a virus on the hotel WiFi.

464. I heard that was a hoax.

465. Oh, God...

466. Go on.

467. There's nothing to go on about.

468. It was a nightmare.

469. I can never come back here.

470. I think you're wallowing.

471. It wasn't that important to you yesterday,

472. or the day before.

473. I think you're sinking into your feelings—

474. Of course it was important to me yesterday.

475. This has been my work for the last three years.

476. Your work for the last three years was getting laid

477. and cheating at racquetball.

478. I was there, I saw it. Not the sex.

479. Dude! If that's what you saw,

480. you weren't there at all.

481. Are we... Are we having a real argument right now?

482. Because this...

483. This isn't supposed to matter,

484. this academic circle-jerk-a-thon we come to every year.

485. I mean, making fun of these guys

486. has been one of the foundational pastimes of our friendship.

487. No, it's not.

488. We make fun of them for their haircuts.

489. We don't make fun of them for caring.

490. I did, a little.

491. I see that now.

492. I don't get why.

493. You've checked out of academia.

494. You've checked out of writing.

495. You've detached yourself

496. from pretty much everything you care about.

497. Every year, you care about less,

498. and you're more depressed.

499. I just don't see why.

500. There's other things to care about than work.

501. I got a wife and a kid.

502. I know that hasn't worked out for you. I'm sorry,

503. but it's damn important to me,

504. so...

505. Things didn't seem so rosy

506. the other night at your dinner party.

507. This is going to be great.

508. You're acting like we're on a reality show.

509. My break ends in 10 minutes.

510. Thank you so much for sitting down with us.

511. You're so welcome.

512. I'm always willing to sit down and talk things through.

513. Yeah, for 10 minutes. - I don't make the bar schedule, okay?

514. Mr. Travis, he makes the bar schedule.

515. - The point is I've never seen— - I've told you so many times—

516. Take a breath!

517. Take a breath, 'cause we can't get anywhere if we're hot-headed.

518. I agree.

519. Do you think you can use your calm-down techniques for every situation?

520. Is this what you do with Dad? Because I'm beginning to see your fight

521. from his point of view.

522. What fight? We are not having a fight.

523. Uh, I mean, to be honest, Mrs. D,

524. from the outside perspective,

525. it kind of seems like something's going on.

526. No, absolutely not.

527. Then why you are kissing other men at bars?

528. What?

529. I'll tell you about it later.

530. How do you know—

531. Okay, I'm sorry, he called me the other day and told me

532. when he was in, like, that crazy panic.

533. Who did you kiss?

534. Okay, look, your father is experiencing mental anguish

535. from childhood trauma, so it actually has nothing to do with me.

536. Oh, my God, that's, like, very serious.

537. Well, is he seeing a psychiatrist?

538. No.

539. - Well, he definitely should be. - Yeah.

540. Actually, there's this guy that comes into the bar,

541. and he's a therapist,

542. but he sees a psychiatrist, like, for his own problems, right?

543. - He says it's awesome. I can get you his card. - No, thank you.

544. Can we stop comparing whatever this is to my marriage?

545. - Again— - That's so unfair.

546. Mrs. D, I feel like you're the one

547. who's kind of not seeing things clearly here.

548. I support Julie, way more than Hank supports you.

549. Oh, really? How so?

550. I would go to New York if Julie wanted me to.

551. - If you asked me to, I would go. - Really?

552. Yeah, of course.

553. - That's very nice. Thank you. - Of course, I'd go.

554. So then, why are you cheating on her, big shot?

555. - Mom! - Whoa! I'm not.

556. Julie thinks otherwise.

557. - What? I'm so not! - No, I don't!

558. - I am so not! - I know! I believe you!

559. What?

560. - I've told her that! - That's the reason—

561. Then why aren't you masturbating as much, huh?

562. - Whoa! Okay, hang on! - Tell me that!

563. - Mom! - You brought it up!

564. You can't say that to him!

565. You brought it up at the house!

566. - I'm so not! - I didn't bring that—

567. Why did you bring that up to her?

568. You're masturbating the same amount.

569. Why would I ever bring that up?

570. You are a traitor!

571. You need therapy, too!

572. You need— For real, you need help.

573. You do need therapy. You should go to—

574. Couples counseling! Yes!

575. You guys deserve each other. I think this went really beautifully.

576. Sit down, let's keep talking about that.

577. We managed to do that with eight minutes to spare!

578. - Good luck. - Where are you going?

579. - Don't leave. - You drove me here!

580. I would go to New York with you.

581. - Would you really? - Yeah, of course.

582. Give me a moment.

583. If I'm there more than 30 seconds,

584. then just say we're due somewhere.

585. Hank.

586. Thank you for briefly stopping by my panel.

587. For a moment, I thought you were there to heckle.

588. Heckle?

589. I'm sorry.

590. - Uh... - What?

591. Well, the turnout, you know.

592. - I mean— - Oh.

593. it's tough when the panelists outnumber the audience.

594. - We've all been there. - No, not at all.

595. We ran with it,

596. and we turned the event into a workshop.

597. It was...

598. It was the most invigorating conversation I've had in a long time.

599. I don't know if I'm just coming into my own,

600. or the world is catching up to me,

601. but I want to wear a T-shirt

602. that says, "I've been...

603. here

604. the whole time!"

605. Maybe I'd use a different meter. Yoo-hoo.

606. See you back at the playground.

607. Congrats on The Atlantic.

608. So, how did it go?

609. Is Julie still here?

610. They have got issues.

611. Well, I knew that, but did she go home?

612. She's not here, is she?

613. You know what?

614. It's their marriage, and it has nothing to do with ours.

615. - Who said it did? - Nobody,

616. and I just think

617. that I'm going to stay out of it.

618. You know, I think this generation,

619. they don't...

620. They see marriage like it's this game

621. where you just say anything and you do whatever you want,

622. and you're really super "over share-y"

623. about every single stupid feeling,

624. and all of that

625. is just supposed to, like,

626. fit together into a relationship.

627. I don't know what I'm saying,

628. except that thank God, that's not our marriage.

629. Yeah, okay.

630. Do you know what I mean?

631. Yeah.

632. You ever feel like you're right next to your life?

633. I feel like

634. I'm watching this guy who looks like me,

635. and he's doing all this stuff,

636. and I just want to tap him on the shoulder and say,

637. "What's your problem?"

638. I think I want back in.

639. Respect.

640. All right, well,

641. you want to start with New York?

642. Absolutely.

643. Okay, great.

644. Um, I've asked for a four-day week.

645. As for the living arrangements,

646. I found a couple of places

647. that I think are pretty cute, and—

648. I need to see my dad.

649. What?

650. I'm sorry.

651. I know you were talking, and I want to hear it,

652. but I think I need to see my dad before he leaves.

653. Eh... I don't know.

654. I'm going to go.

655. Oh.

656. It's good to see you.

657. How's retirement?

658. Oh, well,

659. it's very new for your father, of course,

660. and I would say

661. that an academic never truly retires.

662. Mom, could I just talk to Dad alone, please?

663. Where exactly am I supposed to go?

664. I'll make some tea.

665. How...

666. How is your research coming along?

667. No.

668. You tell me

669. what was behind your decision to move here?

670. Oh.

671. Well, I recently retired.

672. The city no longer felt essential.

673. Okay, but why here?

674. I have family here.

675. We haven't spoken in person in almost 25 years.

676. Can we just cut the bullshit and talk like two adults?

677. Would you be willing to do that?

678. I am willing.

679. Well...

680. I...

681. I'm feeling a lot of stuff right now.

682. I've gone over this conversation

683. for years in my head,

684. but I don't really know where to start.

685. Start in the middle.

686. I think I might begin by telling you

687. how hard it was for me

688. to grow up without a father.

689. What happened to him?

690. I'm talking about you leaving your family.

691. When I left, I got a job at Columbia.

692. After a string of fellowships,

693. I had the opportunity to stay at one institution

694. and focus on my research.

695. It was too good to pass up.

696. Yeah, I don't give a shit about the job.

697. I mean, I know it was impressive,

698. but you left mom and me for another woman.

699. Oh, yes. Well, that was a difficult time—

700. Difficult? Was it difficult for you?

701. I'm not being glib here,

702. I actually want to know.

703. How exactly was it difficult for you

704. when you saw a child on the floor

705. with a rope around his neck. your son...

706. how did that impact you?

707. And why was the answer to that

708. to cut off all contact with your son?

709. Oh, you're talking about Hank?

710. He was a stubborn child.

711. Strong-willed, demanding.

712. He won't actually speak to me now.

713. Did you know that?

714. I'm talking to you right now.

715. Yes, you are.

716. Milk, two sugars, right?

717. Dad, how did you get to town?

718. Did you come by car or train?

719. Either way, I arrived.

720. What day of the week is it?

721. Oh, my God, we both need a new calendar.

722. How do you like living in Florida?

723. It's quite pleasant here in the winter,

724. but...

725. I'll tell you,

726. summertime,

727. the humidity is terrible for books.

728. Who's the current president?

729. Can we not talk about politics tonight?

730. What do you want to talk about?

731. Well, I have a new book coming out,

732. and the publishers want me to tour

733. up and down the East Coast.

734. I'm awaiting approval from the college, of course,

735. and we might have to delay it

736. until my sabbatical comes up.

737. I wish you luck with that.

738. Thank you.

739. Thank you. I hope it all works out,

740. but how are things going for you?