1. Hey. I got you—
Copy !req
2. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
3. Hmm.
Copy !req
4. You're going to do great.
Copy !req
5. They're going to love you,
Copy !req
6. and you're going to get
what you need
Copy !req
7. to bring back to the principal,
Copy !req
8. and he's going to have to
take you seriously.
Copy !req
9. Yeah.
Copy !req
10. I know.
Copy !req
11. Is there something else?
Copy !req
12. I think I'm worried about you.
Copy !req
13. - Really?
- Yeah.
Copy !req
14. You've been a bit more
Copy !req
15. Hank-like than usual.
Copy !req
16. Have I?
Copy !req
17. Yeah.
Copy !req
18. I don't know.
Copy !req
19. I got it, I got it.
Copy !req
20. Okay.
Copy !req
21. Okay. Bye.
Copy !req
22. Bye.
Copy !req
23. See you in a couple of days.
Copy !req
24. I have this weird feeling
you're going to end up in jail.
Copy !req
25. Or the hospital?
Copy !req
26. You know
how they figure out
which one leads?
Copy !req
27. I don't know.
Copy !req
28. Seniority?
Copy !req
29. Experience?
Copy !req
30. It's hardest to lead
Copy !req
31. because they get
all the wind resistance.
Copy !req
32. But one goose will always
bear the burden.
Copy !req
33. Each bird,
as it flaps its wings,
Copy !req
34. is creating lift
for their fellow birds,
Copy !req
35. except for
the leader out front,
Copy !req
36. always hardest on the leader.
Copy !req
37. What if the leader
leads them into a jet engine?
Copy !req
38. That does happen.
Copy !req
39. Often, people die, too,
at least,
Copy !req
40. so it's even.
Copy !req
41. Mr. Devereaux?
I apologize.
Copy !req
42. He'll be ready
in just a few more minutes.
Copy !req
43. Oh, thank you.
Copy !req
44. Hank!
Copy !req
45. I'm President Dickie Pope.
Copy !req
46. We've met four times.
Copy !req
47. I remember.
Copy !req
48. I remember, too.
Copy !req
49. Please sit down,
Copy !req
50. if you want.
Copy !req
51. I'm going to sit down.
Copy !req
52. So, are you hungry?
Copy !req
53. Would you like
something to eat?
Copy !req
54. Uh, I'll see the menu.
Copy !req
55. Joke. Good.
Copy !req
56. Hank, keep that sense of humor.
Copy !req
57. It's going to come in handy.
Copy !req
58. Hank, you are
the only department head
Copy !req
59. who has not submitted a list
of faculty to cut.
Copy !req
60. In that way, I'm outstanding.
Copy !req
61. You are outstanding, Professor.
Copy !req
62. You are
an accomplished professor,
Copy !req
63. and a very well-regarded
novelist.
Copy !req
64. I have your book...
Copy !req
65. It's not there.
Copy !req
66. Yeah,
that's been happening.
Copy !req
67. It's been disappearing
from the shelves
Copy !req
68. of private collections
all around the country,
Copy !req
69. only to reappear later
in a field,
Copy !req
70. claiming an
extraordinary experience.
Copy !req
71. Why haven't you
submitted a list?
Copy !req
72. No one reason.
Copy !req
73. - Please elaborate.
- Can't.
Copy !req
74. There's no reason
that I can think of.
Copy !req
75. Granted, I haven't
given it a thought.
Copy !req
76. You are missing an opportunity.
Copy !req
77. This would be the first time.
Copy !req
78. As you are aware,
it is virtually impossible
Copy !req
79. to fire a tenured professor
for cause.
Copy !req
80. Yeah.
- You are saddled
with your department,
Copy !req
81. the good and the bad.
Copy !req
82. These budget cuts
present an opportunity
Copy !req
83. to remove the ones,
and I'm sure you know
who they are already,
Copy !req
84. who shouldn't be here.
Copy !req
85. You will reshape
your department.
Copy !req
86. Everybody will be better off.
Copy !req
87. You will bring in
new professors in the future,
Copy !req
88. ones you have chosen yourself.
Copy !req
89. Yeah, but
how could we afford that?
Copy !req
90. Won't much of the money
Copy !req
91. be going to this
Technical Careers Complex?
Copy !req
92. There seems to be
a misunderstanding here.
Copy !req
93. The university
is not spending a dime
Copy !req
94. on the Epstein Center.
Copy !req
95. Epstein is.
Copy !req
96. It's a gift.
Copy !req
97. He paid for the building,
the staff, and maintenance
Copy !req
98. for 10 years.
Copy !req
99. He's coming to
the groundbreaking tomorrow...
Copy !req
100. I'll bet the tiny tree business
Copy !req
101. is hard to break into.
Copy !req
102. I mean, it's not worth building
a machine to make 'em.
Copy !req
103. It's got to be by hand,
Copy !req
104. or maybe they just, you know,
Copy !req
105. cut down
a tiny forest somewhere,
Copy !req
106. completely ignoring
what must be a sizeable crowd
of Smurf protesters.
Copy !req
107. Yeah.
Copy !req
108. Look, nothing about
Copy !req
109. the Jeffrey Epstein
Technical Careers Center
Copy !req
110. looks good.
Copy !req
111. You're referring to the name.
Copy !req
112. People are familiar
with the many instances
Copy !req
113. in which young women
were attacked
Copy !req
114. by a technical careers center.
Copy !req
115. Different Jeffrey Epstein.
Copy !req
116. This one made
two billion on air fryers.
Copy !req
117. We're adding a "Q".
Copy !req
118. Queer fryers?
Copy !req
119. It will be
the Jeffrey Q. Epstein Center.
Copy !req
120. What's his middle name?
Copy !req
121. He doesn't have one.
Copy !req
122. He's not thrilled with the "Q".
Copy !req
123. The legislature is cutting
our budget by 23%.
Copy !req
124. Please make a list
so we are prepared.
Copy !req
125. I've gotten this far
without making a list.
Copy !req
126. If I were to start now,
I'd feel like a quitter.
Copy !req
127. No.
Copy !req
128. Uh, look, Dickie, um,
Copy !req
129. you're new around here.
Copy !req
130. Every year,
those geniuses in Harrisburg,
Copy !req
131. they threaten cuts,
Copy !req
132. and every year, they don't,
Copy !req
133. because, as we've established,
Copy !req
134. they don't like
not looking good.
Copy !req
135. This year is different.
Copy !req
136. Because of how time works?
Copy !req
137. They likely will
give us what we ask for,
Copy !req
138. but I'm not asking for it.
Copy !req
139. All my predecessors
Copy !req
140. have begged year after year
for more money.
Copy !req
141. I'm not going to do that.
Copy !req
142. I'm lobbying for less money.
Copy !req
143. The school's too fat.
Copy !req
144. Shut the door, please.
Copy !req
145. I talked to Dickie Pope.
Copy !req
146. What? When?
Copy !req
147. Earlier today.
Copy !req
148. He called me into his office.
He wanted to talk to me.
Copy !req
149. To talk about the cuts?
Copy !req
150. And you went?
Copy !req
151. Did you give him a list?
Copy !req
152. Do you think
I would make a list?
Copy !req
153. Tell me
you didn't give him a list.
Copy !req
154. If I told you
I didn't give him a list,
Copy !req
155. would you believe me?
Copy !req
156. No.
Copy !req
157. Then I'm not telling you.
Copy !req
158. You went to see Dickie Pope
without talking to us first?
Copy !req
159. It wouldn't have
made a difference, Paul.
Copy !req
160. Wouldn't have made
a difference?
Copy !req
161. Screw you!
Copy !req
162. We could have had
a strategy session,
Copy !req
163. brought Leslie in.
Copy !req
164. Whew! I missed out
on a strategy session
with Leslie.
Copy !req
165. You see us out there, right?
Copy !req
166. You see that we think
we can have a voice in this,
Copy !req
167. that we need to.
Copy !req
168. You're the one without a voice.
Copy !req
169. You just decided
it doesn't matter
what we think.
Copy !req
170. You see, that's
the exact reason
Copy !req
171. collective action fails...
Copy !req
172. because when
you undermine the union,
you're undermining all of us!
Copy !req
173. Lily!
Copy !req
174. Tom.
Copy !req
175. Hi!
Copy !req
176. Are you kidding me?
Copy !req
177. - Who are you?
- Well, hi.
Copy !req
178. - Great to see you.
- You too.
Copy !req
179. So the students
don't have any textbooks?
Copy !req
180. No, it's all digital.
Copy !req
181. They have access to whatever
they need on them at any time.
Copy !req
182. It means
more personal connections
between students,
Copy !req
183. and between teachers
and students.
Copy !req
184. Dina! Way to crush it
at the regionals.
Copy !req
185. Excellent work.
Copy !req
186. Regional physics challenge.
Copy !req
187. She is amazing.
Copy !req
188. The kids look too happy.
Copy !req
189. Yeah, I know,
it takes some getting used to,
Copy !req
190. but trust me,
this is not all for show.
Copy !req
191. Every choice we make
Copy !req
192. has been backed
by lots of research.
Copy !req
193. What?
Copy !req
194. No, I'm just...
Copy !req
195. I'm just trying to square
this new Tom
Copy !req
196. with the one
who, um, quit his job
Copy !req
197. - by telling his boss
to get cancer.
- Ah.
Copy !req
198. That was a long time ago.
Copy !req
199. Plus, I heard
he actually did
die of cancer...
Copy !req
200. - Oh!
- ... so I have to be
very careful with my power.
Copy !req
201. No...
Copy !req
202. This administration
is crazy supportive,
they're open-minded.
Copy !req
203. You're going to be walking into
a very smoothly-run ecosystem—
Copy !req
204. If... If I get this job.
Copy !req
205. Sure, "if", "if".
Copy !req
206. I mean, no pressure,
Copy !req
207. but you'd better
nail this interview.
Copy !req
208. Do you have any idea
how many hand jobs
I had to give
Copy !req
209. to get you this meeting?
Copy !req
210. - Three.
- Eight.
Copy !req
211. They were all on myself,
to set the mood,
Copy !req
212. but still, I am exhausted.
Copy !req
213. I should take a video
of myself right here
Copy !req
214. and send it to my principal.
Copy !req
215. Guy would crap his pants.
Copy !req
216. Yeah?
Copy !req
217. You ready to burn that bridge?
Copy !req
218. Oh, I'm ready for him
to give me everything I want.
Copy !req
219. What do you mean?
What do you want?
Copy !req
220. Well, it's just, you know,
if I stayed in Railton,
Copy !req
221. this interview could give me
some leverage.
Copy !req
222. Leverage?
Copy !req
223. Well, don't you want this job?
Copy !req
224. Oh, well, yeah.
Copy !req
225. I mean, yeah, but, um...
Copy !req
226. I mean, if I'm honest,
Copy !req
227. a move would be
really hard for me right now.
Copy !req
228. Well, oh, my God.
Copy !req
229. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
230. - Lily!
- I'm sorry, Tom.
Copy !req
231. I didn't think—
Copy !req
232. If I had I seen you here
and how much
you obviously care,
Copy !req
233. then I wouldn't have—
Copy !req
234. Do you want me to go?
Copy !req
235. You could say
that I got sick or died,
Copy !req
236. or got
Copy !req
237. kidnapped by big city rats.
Copy !req
238. You can't bail now!
Copy !req
239. If you do,
I'll look like an idiot.
Copy !req
240. Just go in there and be great.
Copy !req
241. Well, no, no, don't be great.
Copy !req
242. Just be... medium great.
Copy !req
243. Can you be medium?
Copy !req
244. Okay.
Copy !req
245. I know that you care about
those professors,
Copy !req
246. despite the fact that
you would never admit that,
Copy !req
247. but you complain
about these people
all the time,
Copy !req
248. about their incompetence,
Copy !req
249. and in the end,
Copy !req
250. don't you have to think
about the students?
Copy !req
251. That's not the point.
Copy !req
252. Oh, I'm having
a hard time figuring out
what the point is lately.
Copy !req
253. I have this weird feeling
you're going to end up in jail.
Copy !req
254. Or the hospital?
Copy !req
255. In the hospital?
Copy !req
256. Or jail.
Copy !req
257. I think they're
very different places.
Copy !req
258. Yeah, so,
what's the common thread?
Copy !req
259. I don't know, uh...
Copy !req
260. Trouble?
Copy !req
261. Loss of control?
Copy !req
262. Yeah, that's not insight.
Copy !req
263. All right.
Copy !req
264. Let me think.
You punch.
Copy !req
265. All right,
let's draw on philosophy.
Copy !req
266. Let's articulate the question.
Copy !req
267. Yeah. Why is Lily
upset with me?
Copy !req
268. Well, I can't solve that
with philosophy.
Copy !req
269. Here's something we can tackle,
Copy !req
270. what's a good and moral way
Copy !req
271. for you to handle
your current work crisis?
Copy !req
272. How should you act?
Copy !req
273. - Do nothing.
- No, you act
according to your desire,
Copy !req
274. unless you're a Buddhist,
then you should
desire nothing.
Copy !req
275. That eliminates suffering.
Copy !req
276. See, that's my problem
with Buddhism.
Copy !req
277. Suffering,
Copy !req
278. that's my sweet spot, right?
Copy !req
279. At least I know I'm alive,
I'm feeling something.
Copy !req
280. Huh.
Copy !req
281. Maybe Lily wants you to feel
something more than suffering.
Copy !req
282. - Why would she want that?
- I don't know, you tell me.
Copy !req
283. One word per punch.
Let it out.
Copy !req
284. Because!
Copy !req
285. It's!
Copy !req
286. Boring!
Copy !req
287. Because
Copy !req
288. she's bored with me.
Copy !req
289. Finny.
Copy !req
290. Chopping block.
Copy !req
291. He teaches the fewest students
to the lowest result.
Copy !req
292. High attrition rate, too.
Copy !req
293. - Gracie.
- Chopping block.
Copy !req
294. She's a headache.
Copy !req
295. Constantly filing grievances.
Copy !req
296. Granted, she's correct,
but still.
Copy !req
297. Emma?
Copy !req
298. What she does
isn't even English.
Copy !req
299. Chopping block.
Copy !req
300. Rourke.
Copy !req
301. High self-regard,
no good reason.
Copy !req
302. Chopping block.
Copy !req
303. The couple,
what are their names?
Copy !req
304. Their names are "chopping"
and "block".
Copy !req
305. Henry Devereaux Jr.?
Copy !req
306. Chopping block.
Copy !req
307. Top of the list.
Copy !req
308. Is everyone on the list?
Copy !req
309. You forgot about Billie.
Copy !req
310. - Okay, Billie Quigley—
- Chopping block.
Copy !req
311. I know this is rushed,
Copy !req
312. but today's groundbreaking
of the Epstein Center
Copy !req
313. is giving us
a great opportunity.
Copy !req
314. Now, the key thing
to any organized protest
Copy !req
315. is that we're unified
in purpose and action.
Copy !req
316. And what is
our purpose exactly?
Copy !req
317. What are our central aims
Copy !req
318. if we had to itemize them?
Copy !req
319. Yeah, it's just important that
we get our message out, right?
Copy !req
320. It's not about
hogging the spotlight.
Copy !req
321. It kind of is
about hogging the spotlight.
Copy !req
322. To get on the news
Copy !req
323. and tell Harrisburg
that we mean business,
Copy !req
324. that we won't tolerate
cutting jobs.
Copy !req
325. Right, but Dickie Pope
doesn't need to know
Copy !req
326. exactly who we are, right?
Copy !req
327. I heard he's a vindictive man.
Copy !req
328. Would you two stop it?
Copy !req
329. Paul's right.
Copy !req
330. We need to stay
focused on jobs.
Copy !req
331. There will be press there.
Copy !req
332. Our message, we hope,
will reach Harrisburg.
Copy !req
333. So you want us all
standing outside in the cold?
Copy !req
334. It's 70 degrees, Billie.
Copy !req
335. I've been to most
of the departments now,
and, honestly,
Copy !req
336. a lot of them
are looking to you,
Copy !req
337. the English department.
Copy !req
338. Oh.
Copy !req
339. Because of our leadership?
Copy !req
340. Well, their feeling is,
if you can unite,
Copy !req
341. everyone can.
Copy !req
342. - What's that supposed to mean?
- You know what it means.
Copy !req
343. We file more grievances
against each other
Copy !req
344. than any other department.
Copy !req
345. I mean, I've never
filed one against anyone.
Copy !req
346. Love you guys.
Copy !req
347. If the rest
of the faculty believes
Copy !req
348. that we'll submit to being
the butt of their jokes,
Copy !req
349. then please tell them
to enjoy the protest
without us.
Copy !req
350. Easy, Finny. Jesus.
Copy !req
351. Does everybody worry
Copy !req
352. that they're boring?
Copy !req
353. I've been so focused
on all the boring people
around me,
Copy !req
354. I forgot to check myself.
Copy !req
355. Okay, let's see.
Copy !req
356. Do I have any new thoughts?
Copy !req
357. Uh-oh.
Copy !req
358. Hi there!
You've got Lily's phone.
Copy !req
359. Leave me a message. Bye!
Copy !req
360. Hey, babe.
Copy !req
361. I know you're working
right now.
Copy !req
362. I was thinking about
that conversation we had
Copy !req
363. just before you left, and...
Copy !req
364. You know what,
call me when you have time.
Copy !req
365. Bye.
Copy !req
366. Are we really
getting a glimpse
of Jeffrey Epstein?
Copy !req
367. Now, what kind of font is this?
Copy !req
368. Helvetica sans testicles?
Copy !req
369. Let's go say hi.
Copy !req
370. Let's work out
the exact mechanics
of the protest.
Copy !req
371. I think the smartest way
to handle this
Copy !req
372. is to let the ceremony
play out in full,
Copy !req
373. and then we strike
for maximum impact.
Copy !req
374. She wants to read her poem.
Copy !req
375. What poem?
Copy !req
376. "What poem?"
Which poem.
Copy !req
377. The one I was asked to write
and recite,
Copy !req
378. titled "Groundbreaking".
Copy !req
379. You can't read
your stupid poem anymore.
Copy !req
380. It will look like
you're on their side.
Copy !req
381. That you would even
mention sides
Copy !req
382. suggests you are not familiar
with my work.
Copy !req
383. My poetry is for everybody.
Copy !req
384. It joins us.
Copy !req
385. It is, perhaps, our best shot
Copy !req
386. at resolving
this conflict amicably.
Copy !req
387. - Professor—
- Scab.
Copy !req
388. Not true.
Copy !req
389. - It's not true.
- Scab.
Copy !req
390. No one supports the union
more than I,
Copy !req
391. but long before these cuts
were even on the table,
Copy !req
392. I composed this poem
at the request of Dean Rose.
Copy !req
393. I wrote it, I'm proud of it,
Copy !req
394. and the poem
deserves to be heard.
Copy !req
395. Okay, look.
Copy !req
396. The important part,
that will get on the news,
Copy !req
397. is the shovels
breaking the ground.
Copy !req
398. That happens at the end,
Copy !req
399. so we could wait to have
the poem read before we chant.
Copy !req
400. Oh, I'm not chanting.
Copy !req
401. Thank you.
That's gracious.
Copy !req
402. I do think the press
may pick up the poem
Copy !req
403. once they hear it.
Copy !req
404. Will there be gargoyles
on the side of building?
Copy !req
405. I love gargoyles.
Copy !req
406. You want gargoyles, babe?
Copy !req
407. I'll get you gargoyles.
Copy !req
408. I am so thankful
for Jeffrey Queequeg Epstein.
Copy !req
409. Oh, no, I believe
it's Jeffrey Quidditch Epstein.
Copy !req
410. - Is it?
- Yeah. Quidditch.
Copy !req
411. It's neither, actually.
What?
Copy !req
412. There is no "Q".
Copy !req
413. Yeah, there is.
Copy !req
414. It's right there on the sign,
Copy !req
415. - between the "Jeffrey"
and the—
- Fellas,
Copy !req
416. I'm Jeffrey Epstein.
Copy !req
417. - You're "the" Jeffrey Epstein?
- The one and only.
Copy !req
418. I donated this building.
Copy !req
419. - Oh, that's
very generous of you.
- Thank you so much.
Copy !req
420. Now, this "Q" thing?
Copy !req
421. It's a crazy story.
Copy !req
422. - Forget about the "Q"--
- I'm going to the car.
Copy !req
423. - Okay, baby.
- So what happened?
Copy !req
424. Did they misspell your name?
Because I get that
all the time.
Copy !req
425. No, this "Q" thing,
it's a non-issue.
Copy !req
426. If my parents had just
given me a middle name,
but they didn't.
Copy !req
427. All my parents gave me
was brains,
Copy !req
428. and an insatiable lust
for knowledge
Copy !req
429. about food technology.
Copy !req
430. I don't know if you heard,
they changed the tax laws
this year.
Copy !req
431. I had to find
a $50 million write-off
out of nowhere.
Copy !req
432. - Been there, yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.
Copy !req
433. I'm thinking,
let's keep it simple,
Copy !req
434. maybe I'll buy a hockey team
or something.
Copy !req
435. So I'm keeping my eyes
on the worst team
in the league,
Copy !req
436. because that's
how you find a deal, right?
Copy !req
437. And then, you're not
going to believe this—
Copy !req
438. - They have a winning season.
- They have a winning season!
Copy !req
439. - Yeah.
- A winning season.
Copy !req
440. - Yeah, we're hockey fans.
- And back it up a little bit.
Copy !req
441. I actually have
a lot of trouble
finding engineers
Copy !req
442. to support
my air-fryer business.
Copy !req
443. It's complicated.
Copy !req
444. Fast forward again,
I realize what I'll do,
Copy !req
445. drop the $50 million,
Copy !req
446. build the Technical
Careers Center
right on this campus,
Copy !req
447. which is pretty much
in my backyard.
Copy !req
448. I mean, you can almost
smell my factory from here.
Copy !req
449. It smells like chicken.
Copy !req
450. Used to.
That's our test kitchen.
Copy !req
451. We switched to rabbit recently.
Copy !req
452. Anyway, point being,
I got everything I want.
Copy !req
453. I'm going to get
specifically-trained engineers
who can come work for me.
Copy !req
454. I got my tax write-off.
I'm sleeping
like a champion baby.
Copy !req
455. It's awesome.
Copy !req
456. And then,
Copy !req
457. of course,
that jerkface with my name,
Copy !req
458. the other Jeffrey Epstein,
Copy !req
459. he starts all that
horrible stuff with girls,
Copy !req
460. and while
all that's going down,
Dickie Pope calls me,
Copy !req
461. and he goes,
"Look, in light of everything,
Copy !req
462. we've got to add a "Q".
Copy !req
463. Now, this has to stay
between us, okay?
Copy !req
464. Okay.
Copy !req
465. I'm like, "You want a "Q",
best I can do, $40 million,"
and he caves.
Copy !req
466. He caves right away.
He's like, "Yeah, okay,
yeah, sure, whatever."
Copy !req
467. So this building cost 40 mil?
Copy !req
468. No, that's the best part.
Copy !req
469. That's a $50-million building.
Copy !req
470. Dickie just pulled $10 million
from, wherever,
I don't know.
Copy !req
471. What I do know,
I got everything I wanted,
Copy !req
472. my write-off, my engineers.
Copy !req
473. Then I had this extra $10 mil
to play with.
Copy !req
474. I go, "Now I can look good—"
Copy !req
475. So Dickie Pope just pulls
$10 mil from wherever.
Copy !req
476. Is it possible
he found another donor?
Copy !req
477. You know that's not true.
Copy !req
478. All right, excuse me,
I'm sorry.
Copy !req
479. So, I'm in the market
for an air fryer.
Copy !req
480. They're all the same, right?
Copy !req
481. Absolutely not.
Generally, generally...
Copy !req
482. Hi there!
You've got Lily's phone,
Copy !req
483. leave me a message. Bye!
Copy !req
484. Honey, I know I said
you should call me,
Copy !req
485. but I just heard something
that's making—
Copy !req
486. I was hoping
you could talk me down.
Copy !req
487. You know what?
Copy !req
488. I will be fine.
Copy !req
489. Okay, call me when you can.
Copy !req
490. I thought we agreed
you weren't going
to pour it on.
Copy !req
491. I can't turn it off.
Copy !req
492. No, you can't.
Copy !req
493. - Thank you, Tom.
- Oh.
Copy !req
494. Do you have to hurry back?
Copy !req
495. You just got here.
Copy !req
496. Yeah, but I left
some stuff in Pennsylvania.
Copy !req
497. Well, look, I'm seeing Ashley
later tonight for drinks.
Copy !req
498. Ashley!
Copy !req
499. I didn't realize
she was back in town.
Copy !req
500. Is Jenny going to be there?
Copy !req
501. I haven't seen
your wife in ages.
Copy !req
502. No, it'll just be
the three of us.
Copy !req
503. I'm getting
the band back together.
Copy !req
504. Stay.
Copy !req
505. Yeah.
Copy !req
506. Yeah.
Copy !req
507. That sounds really good.
Copy !req
508. Okay.
Copy !req
509. You have the phone.
Copy !req
510. Okay, all right,
Copy !req
511. and on...
Copy !req
512. Three... Okay, we're good.
Copy !req
513. On three, two...
Copy !req
514. I'm standing on the future site
Copy !req
515. of the new multi-million-dollar
technology center
Copy !req
516. here on the campus of—
Copy !req
517. Bird-Shit State... Just cut.
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
Copy !req
518. Can you get this?
Copy !req
519. I've seen her
on the evening news.
Copy !req
520. Masturbated to her.
Copy !req
521. I wonder
if I can turn a fantasy
Copy !req
522. into real-world fornication?
Copy !req
523. I'd wish you luck, but...
Copy !req
524. - Thank you.
- ... I feel awful.
Copy !req
525. All right, so,
guys, it's just too noisy.
Copy !req
526. We gotta lose the ducks.
Can we lose the ducks?
Copy !req
527. - Somebody—
- Geese.
Copy !req
528. Ducks are the small ones.
Copy !req
529. Okay, well, can somebody
just escort the little bastards
back to the lake?
Copy !req
530. Pond.
Lakes are the big ones.
Copy !req
531. Well...
Copy !req
532. We're here on the campus
of Podunk College
speaking with an authority
Copy !req
533. on every damn thing
under the sun...
Copy !req
534. apparently.
Copy !req
535. Back off.
Copy !req
536. Did you...
Did you get it all?
Copy !req
537. Well, I said I would,
and I will.
Copy !req
538. I'm a little bit nervous.
Copy !req
539. - You're going to crush it.
- Okay.
Copy !req
540. "We dipped our palms..."
Copy !req
541. How will we know?
Copy !req
542. Is Gracie going to cue us?
Is there a particular word
she'll utter,
Copy !req
543. and then we cue the trumpets
and sally forth?
Copy !req
544. No, no one's sallying.
Copy !req
545. Professors should not hold signs.
Copy !req
546. They should know better.
Copy !req
547. I mean, what's the ratio
of signs to change?
Copy !req
548. We're taking billions of signs
over time,
Copy !req
549. and maybe one, once,
Copy !req
550. convinced someone
to change their mind?
Copy !req
551. The only sign I like
is "Men Working in Trees",
Copy !req
552. because then I know to look up,
Copy !req
553. see the guy in the tree.
Copy !req
554. Okay, guys, just...
Copy !req
555. Just make sure you make
a big enough scene so that
the cameras point to us.
Copy !req
556. If we're not on the news,
then we weren't here.
Copy !req
557. - Dude...
- Hmm?
Copy !req
558. You spelled
"Humanities" wrong.
Copy !req
559. What?
Copy !req
560. - I-I was thinking of the Latin.
- You were not.
Copy !req
561. Back off!
Copy !req
562. Shoo!
Copy !req
563. You want to do this? Huh?
Copy !req
564. You want to do this?
Copy !req
565. Yeah,
you picked the wrong day.
Copy !req
566. I've got all afternoon.
Copy !req
567. That man is chair
of the English department.
Copy !req
568. Back off, Goosey!
Copy !req
569. Come on,
you want a piece of this?
Copy !req
570. - I'm gonna kick him
in the neck!
- Go film duck guy, go.
Copy !req
571. What's he doing?
Copy !req
572. Come on, take your shot!
Copy !req
573. He's mocking us
is what he's doing.
Copy !req
574. Take some stills.
Get in there.
Copy !req
575. In this corner,
Copy !req
576. William Henry Devereaux
Copy !req
577. of the English department,
Copy !req
578. Railton College,
Copy !req
579. and opposite me, a goose!
Copy !req
580. We are here at a groundbreaking
Copy !req
581. for a building
that is being paid for
Copy !req
582. by cutting faculty!
Copy !req
583. I heard that
directly from the mouth
Copy !req
584. of the reliable, honorable,
other Jeffrey Epstein.
Copy !req
585. No! No, I say!
Copy !req
586. It will not stand!
Copy !req
587. I will box
Copy !req
588. one of Railton's beloved geese!
Copy !req
589. I will box a goose a day
Copy !req
590. until I get my budget
fully funded!
Copy !req
591. I'll punch him
in the upper neck
Copy !req
592. and I'll punch him
in the lower neck!
Copy !req
593. The goose is mostly neck.
Copy !req
594. That idiot.
Okay!
Copy !req
595. I will box him, and...
- Over here, please!
Copy !req
596. Over here, please!
Copy !req
597. No cutting jobs!
Copy !req
598. No cutting jobs!
No cutting jobs!
Copy !req
599. Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
600. I'd like to...
Copy !req
601. No cutting jobs!
Copy !req
602. Here, buddy.
Copy !req
603. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
604. - All right.
- Come on, come on, come on.
Copy !req
605. I'd like to start
tonight's ceremony with a poem
Copy !req
606. by our very own Gracie Dubois!
Copy !req
607. No cutting jobs!
No cutting jobs!
Copy !req
608. - No cutting jobs!
- Gracie Dubois, everyone.
Copy !req
609. No cutting jobs!
Copy !req
610. - Grace!
- No cutting jobs! No...
Copy !req
611. You're going to love
this place.
Copy !req
612. - She should be here.
- I told her to meet us at 5:00.
Copy !req
613. - Lily!
- Whoo-hoo!
Copy !req
614. Aw, yeah!
Copy !req
615. Oh, my God,
it's so good to see you.
Copy !req
616. Oh, buddy.
Copy !req
617. So? How'd it go?
Did you get the gig?
Copy !req
618. They loved her.
Copy !req
619. Let's go look
for apartments right now.
Copy !req
620. Oh, that sounds so fun.
Copy !req
621. It does sound fun.
Not going to happen.
We were hoodwinked.
Copy !req
622. The whole interview was a con.
Copy !req
623. She leveraged us, Ash.
Copy !req
624. Leverage for what?
Copy !req
625. Her cutthroat
public school job.
Copy !req
626. You scammer!
So you just flash your tits
at the old flame,
Copy !req
627. and he comes running.
Copy !req
628. - I did not flash my tits.
- I did not run.
Copy !req
629. - You two never change.
- It was just...
Copy !req
630. You know,
it was just business.
Copy !req
631. - Yeah.
- I do feel bad, though.
Copy !req
632. Well, you shouldn't.
Copy !req
633. Uh, since we seem to be
truth-telling,
Copy !req
634. I haven't had a drink yet,
Copy !req
635. but, um, the job wasn't, uh,
Copy !req
636. how shall we say,
really available.
Copy !req
637. What do you mean?
Copy !req
638. Well, you didn't hear this
from me,
Copy !req
639. and I didn't want
to bum you out,
Copy !req
640. but there was
this huge meeting last week
Copy !req
641. about how they wanted to
re-commit to diversity hiring,
Copy !req
642. and, so...
Copy !req
643. - Oh.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
644. Okay. Yeah, I get that.
Copy !req
645. I really thought
we were going to have her
back in New York,
Copy !req
646. but, well, that's our Lily,
Copy !req
647. always playing us.
Copy !req
648. What? That's not me,
I don't play people.
Copy !req
649. Oh, shut up and get me a drink.
Copy !req
650. Yes. Uh, drinks!
Copy !req
651. Are you thinking of
getting some food, gentlemen?
Copy !req
652. - The drink of the day
is a Mikhail Gorbachev.
- What's that?
Copy !req
653. It's a Moscow Mule,
served in a Glasnost.
Copy !req
654. Uh, I'll leave you guys to it.
Copy !req
655. They changed the menu,
Copy !req
656. without warning.
Copy !req
657. I didn't come this restaurant.
I came to the one
that has the shrimp I like.
Copy !req
658. Bait and switch.
Copy !req
659. I'm ordering off the old menu.
Copy !req
660. From memory?
Copy !req
661. I believe death
will come quickly for me.
Copy !req
662. Uh, change of subject?
Copy !req
663. Not because I want it to,
but because
Copy !req
664. most of the deepest
experiences of my life
Copy !req
665. have been unexpected.
Copy !req
666. The important thing is
we must prepare to transcend.
Copy !req
667. Did something happen?
Copy !req
668. My ex got remarried.
Copy !req
669. - That was years ago.
- The other one.
Copy !req
670. We had an implicit promise
that we would get back together
Copy !req
671. if we were both still single
when we turned 70.
Copy !req
672. I had no intention
of keeping it.
Copy !req
673. I hate her, but still.
Copy !req
674. Pay attention,
I'm getting somewhere.
Copy !req
675. You have my attention.
Copy !req
676. I've decided fornication
Copy !req
677. may no longer be
the primary goal.
Copy !req
678. It may, in fact,
be counterproductive.
Copy !req
679. You have half my attention.
Copy !req
680. The body deteriorates.
Copy !req
681. It reminds us that time,
Copy !req
682. although an illusion,
is a robust one.
Copy !req
683. All we can do is watch.
Copy !req
684. First go the knees,
then the spleen,
Copy !req
685. then the rest of the body,
the whole thing,
Copy !req
686. until we're just
a ghost in the machine,
Copy !req
687. then no machine.
Copy !req
688. Casey Jones without a train.
Copy !req
689. There he is,
Copy !req
690. the bird boxer.
Copy !req
691. Quite a prank.
Copy !req
692. - Say thank you.
- Look—
Copy !req
693. You knew what we were planning.
Copy !req
694. Said he didn't want
any part of it.
Copy !req
695. - I—
- Then you go and upstage
the entire thing.
Copy !req
696. - The whole goddamn thing.
- Shut up, Billie.
Copy !req
697. The whole goddamn thing.
Copy !req
698. In my defense,
the goose was an asshole.
Copy !req
699. In your defense,
Copy !req
700. it was a pretty big F-U
to the administration
Copy !req
701. for a guy who says
he's not a union man.
Copy !req
702. Come join us, jackass.
Copy !req
703. No, listen,
listen, listen.
Copy !req
704. So, there wasn't
a school system
in the country
Copy !req
705. that wasn't
completely uprooted by Covid,
Copy !req
706. but even, you know,
Copy !req
707. with all the staff turnover
and the budget fights,
Copy !req
708. and all the other crap
that goes along with it,
Copy !req
709. I've got to say
we fared pretty well.
Pretty well?
Copy !req
710. Top 20 charter school
in the city.
Copy !req
711. Top 15, depending on
which report you read.
Copy !req
712. Last week, I cleaned up
a student's piss
Copy !req
713. because my janitor
felt it was beneath him.
Copy !req
714. Gross.
Copy !req
715. You know what it is?
Copy !req
716. This Arlyle job,
Copy !req
717. it, like,
got my engine running again.
Copy !req
718. I'm listening to you
talk about your schools
and your careers,
Copy !req
719. and that's the reason
that we went to grad school
Copy !req
720. in the first place.
That was always the dream,
Copy !req
721. and I just... miss it.
Copy !req
722. Miss it?
Copy !req
723. I'm sure you talk like this
at home all the time, no?
Copy !req
724. Oh, my God.
Copy !req
725. Do you know
Copy !req
726. Hank just publicly announced
Copy !req
727. that all the students
and teachers at Railton
Copy !req
728. should resign themselves
to their mediocrity.
Copy !req
729. - Oh, shit.
- Oh...
Copy !req
730. Yeah. I mean,
he was kidding,
Copy !req
731. but, no, he wasn't.
Copy !req
732. Whoa!
Copy !req
733. Hey!
Copy !req
734. What's everybody else having?
Copy !req
735. That's a good one...
Copy !req
736. You're a mean lady.
Copy !req
737. - Let's do this.
- There we go.
Copy !req
738. Uh, here is to Dickie Pope
Copy !req
739. and the look on his face.
Copy !req
740. Oh, wow.
Copy !req
741. Oh, Gracie,
your poem, your ode.
Copy !req
742. You never had a chance
to read it.
Copy !req
743. Come on,
we want to hear it.
Copy !req
744. Come on!
Copy !req
745. Go ahead. Yeah!
Copy !req
746. No, I think the focus
is split at the moment.
Copy !req
747. We wanna hear it.
Come on.
Copy !req
748. Trust us,
this will never happen again,
Copy !req
749. so...
Copy !req
750. We're happy to hear it.
Go for it.
Copy !req
751. "We dipped our palms
in chalk to
Copy !req
752. keep our hands
from letting go,
Copy !req
753. and..."
Copy !req
754. Go on, Gracie.
Copy !req
755. This is as quiet
as the bar's going to get.
Copy !req
756. - No, I—
- Yeah, finish the poem.
Copy !req
757. - Yeah, come on.
- Finish it.
Copy !req
758. That's the end.
Copy !req
759. So read the beginning.
Copy !req
760. No, that...
That was the...
Copy !req
761. Well, perhaps
you can read it again
Copy !req
762. now that we know more
about what to expect.
Copy !req
763. You did end it with an "and".
Copy !req
764. Hey, Lil,
uh, the weirdest thing,
Copy !req
765. but, well, you don't
have to worry about me.
Copy !req
766. I boxed this goose.
Copy !req
767. He was...
Well, he was being a jerk,
Copy !req
768. and, well,
now the faculty like me?
Copy !req
769. Um, okay.
I'm sorry I keep missing you.
Copy !req
770. Um, please don't
hurt any animals.
Copy !req
771. I mean, I would have
said something
before I left,
Copy !req
772. but, um...
Copy !req
773. But, um, I thought you knew.
Copy !req
774. So... Okay.
Copy !req
775. Um, so I'm going to take
the later train.
Copy !req
776. I missed your call again.
Copy !req
777. Sorry, it's so noisy here.
Copy !req
778. I'm out having drinks
with the department.
Copy !req
779. Wish you were here!
Copy !req
780. Uh... Oh, why did you
change your train?
Copy !req
781. Hey, my phone was in my bag.
Copy !req
782. I wish I saw your call.
Copy !req
783. Not a great idea
to have drinks with them.
Copy !req
784. You don't like them,
so you should go home,
Copy !req
785. and I will see you there.
Copy !req
786. Hey, uh,
Copy !req
787. why are you
on a later train, huh?
Copy !req
788. It doesn't matter.
Copy !req
789. It's just...
Take whatever train.
Copy !req
790. It's just, you know,
there's a certain amount
of planning that goes into
Copy !req
791. picking someone up
at the train station.
Copy !req
792. It's just...
Anyway, that's...
That's all.
Copy !req
793. Hey, Hank's on TV!
Copy !req
794. Hey, Meg! Turn it up.
Copy !req
795. Railton College,
Copy !req
796. a fight broke out
of a very unusual kind,
Copy !req
797. but what started
as a silly prank
Copy !req
798. ended up being
a serious challenge
to the school brass.
Copy !req
799. Now we are here
at a groundbreaking...
Copy !req
800. for a building
Copy !req
801. that has been paid for
by cutting faculty!
Copy !req
802. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Copy !req
803. one of
Railton's beloved geese...
Copy !req
804. I will box a goose a day
Copy !req
805. until I get my budget
fully funded!
Copy !req
806. Come on!
Copy !req
807. - Did I say all that?
- I'm texting her now.
Copy !req
808. - Texting who?
- Missy.
Copy !req
809. - Missy who?
- The journalist.
Copy !req
810. Hey! I was just
going to call you!
Copy !req
811. Why are you still there?
Copy !req
812. I'm having a drink
with Tom and Ashley.
Copy !req
813. Who? W-What?
Copy !req
814. I can't hear you.
Copy !req
815. I am having a drink
with Tom and Ashley,
Copy !req
816. so, um, I'm going to be
on a later train.
Copy !req
817. I'll take a taxi.
Copy !req
818. Yeah,
I'll come get you.
Copy !req
819. - Tell me when
the train gets in.
- Um, I don't know yet.
Copy !req
820. Okay, well,
text me when you know.
Copy !req
821. I'll pick you up.
Copy !req
822. Just... Just tell me
when you get here.
Copy !req
823. Lil? Are you still there?
Copy !req
824. Um, yep.
Copy !req
825. Yeah, yeah, I will text you.
Copy !req
826. Okay, love you, love you.
Copy !req
827. Okay, uh, what?
Copy !req
828. Uh...
Copy !req
829. The artwork
above the urinals is...
Copy !req
830. I mean, masterpiece.
Copy !req
831. I need another one of these.
Copy !req
832. He still loves bathroom decor.
Copy !req
833. He just kissed me.
Copy !req
834. What?
Copy !req
835. O-okay, hang on,
Copy !req
836. That was playing around.
That was not a real kiss.
Copy !req
837. - Tom...
- I thought we were flirting.
Copy !req
838. Yeah, we were flirting,
Copy !req
839. and then you ruined it.
Copy !req
840. - I was on the phone
with my husband.
- Right.
Copy !req
841. I was making a joke.
Who in their right mind
would kiss somebody
Copy !req
842. that was on the phone
with their husband?
Copy !req
843. - That was the joke—
- I'm married, you're married.
Copy !req
844. Actually...
Copy !req
845. We're separated.
Copy !req
846. It's been a few months.
I was going to tell you.
Copy !req
847. We tried.
It was a lot of therapy,
not a lot of result.
Copy !req
848. Well, I'm sorry...
Copy !req
849. But I still feel like
you're not hearing me.
Copy !req
850. I mean, that?
Copy !req
851. That...
Copy !req
852. Was not okay.
Copy !req
853. I'm so sorry.
Copy !req
854. Okay.
Copy !req
855. This was so wonderful,
you guys...
Copy !req
856. Oh, Lil...
Copy !req
857. but I'm just
going to get going, so...
Copy !req
858. Bye.
Copy !req
859. All right.
Copy !req
860. There you are,
and this one is for Hank.
Copy !req
861. Tell him it's on me.
Copy !req
862. After taking away
your classes? No.
Copy !req
863. What are you talking about?
It was the administration.
Copy !req
864. Mmm-mmm, it was him,
and if he tells you
that I asked him to,
Copy !req
865. I'm telling you
that I was just spouting off.
Copy !req
866. I didn't think
he'd go through with it.
Copy !req
867. Who listens to somebody
ranting at 2:00 a.m?
Copy !req
868. Gracie, um, I've...
Copy !req
869. I've never been a fan
of minimalist poetry,
Copy !req
870. but I gotta say—
Copy !req
871. You are not getting
your parking space back.
Copy !req
872. No, no...
Copy !req
873. - Good to go?
- Yeah, let's go.
Copy !req
874. Oh, hey, Hank, here you go.
Copy !req
875. - No, no, I'm fine.
- No?
Copy !req
876. - Yeah, we're done.
- Hey, guys,
the conquering hero here
Copy !req
877. - has to go home.
- No, no...
Copy !req
878. No!
Copy !req
879. I'm not a hero—
Copy !req
880. - I'm not a hero.
- We're done.
Copy !req
881. - Yeah...
- We're done here.
Copy !req
882. We are done.
Copy !req
883. Yeah, right,
we're done here, we're done.
Copy !req
884. We're done here!
Copy !req
885. No, we're not done. Okay.
Copy !req
886. You're, uh...
Copy !req
887. - This is the guy from, uh...
- Yes.
Copy !req
888. You think
you're pretty funny, huh?
Copy !req
889. Professor A-hole.
Copy !req
890. Professor A-hole.
Copy !req
891. I like that.
Copy !req
892. - Come on, let's—
- Geese have feelings, too,
all right? Just like us.
Copy !req
893. Well, they have feelings,
but not like us.
Copy !req
894. - You think that's funny?
- Well, it's factual.
Copy !req
895. It's a little funny,
don't you think?
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896. You know what I think
is funny?
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897. - Whoa!
- Whoa, hey!
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898. What's going on?
Whoa!
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899. That's assault!
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900. - You're going to jail!
- You're going to jail!
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901. No one is going to jail!
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902. God is dead,
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903. and we have killed him.
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904. Nietzsche's point
isn't that we should
live in despair
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905. of ever finding meaning
just because we've abandoned
the magical dogma
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906. of our particular age.
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907. Nietzsche wasn't a nihilist.
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908. "God is dead,
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909. and we have killed him."
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910. This is not cause for despair,
but celebration,
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911. for we have been liberated
by that murder
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912. to do what Nietzsche believed
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913. was the essential task
of all our lives.
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914. To make meaning
from the world as we find it,
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915. not as we wish it to be.
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916. It just got late,
and so I decided
to stay in the city.
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917. Being in New York again,
it feels like I'm back
in my 20s,
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918. like there was...
There was so much possibility
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919. and surprises, you know.
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920. Anyway, I hope you went home,
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921. like I told you to,
and are curled up
in a warm bed,
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922. and have managed
to stay out of the hospital.
Ha, ha.
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923. All right, uh, good night.
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