Lucky Hank 1x3

1. Shit!

2. Shit!

3. Shaking.

4. You want me to do something different?

5. The room is shaking.

6. Hey, hey, hey! What's this?

7. What are you doing?

8. Dropping your stuff off.

9. This isn't my stuff.

10. You 44 Allegheny?

11. Yeah.

12. Wait! Why did you drop it in front of my garage?

13. I can't get my car out.

14. You actually use that garage?

15. Let me say this again, okay?

16. Can you get this giant hunk of metal

17. out of my God damn driveway?

18. What's going on?

19. He says he's gotta deliver this here.

20. Well, obviously, there's a mistake.

21. No mistake. 44 Allegheny.

22. He just confirmed it.

23. If you need to arrange a pick-up, call the number at the bottom.

24. Have a nice day.

25. You have a nice day.

26. Hey, let's get a beer later!

27. It's from New York.

28. West 112th Street.

29. Oh, isn't that Columbia?

30. Yeah.

31. That's my Dad.

32. Maybe it's a pony.

33. It's a pleasure speaking with you again, Marnie,

34. and thank you for picking up.

35. This is Hank Devereaux, the one and only.

36. Now, cut to the chase,

37. there's a giant metal box

38. parked at the end of my driveway.

39. It's actually blocking my car in.

40. Can't you get around it?

41. No, I can't.

42. I don't— I don't think that I can.

43. Um, so, look, what is it?

44. It's your father's office. We packed it up.

45. Okay, and you put it in a box,

46. and then, well, you sent it to me.

47. You're doing great.

48. Mr. Devereaux Jr, I called you...

49. - Not junior. - ... several times,

50. and you never got back to me.

51. Yeah, and I'm really sorry about that right now.

52. Jump ahead.

53. Look, why did you send it to me?

54. He needs a place to keep it.

55. But why me?

56. I mean, we're hours away.

57. And look, if you wanted to get rid of it,

58. why didn't you just throw it out,

59. I don't know, donate it, raffle it off?

60. You could melt it all down

61. and exchange it for something more precious, like sand.

62. - Too much? - It's just not funny.

63. He'll be able to access it when he gets there.

64. What do you mean, when he gets here?

65. I think this should come from your father.

66. Well, so much should have come from my father,

67. but it is what it is, Marnie.

68. Hello?

69. Hello?

70. Hank?

71. Hank?

72. He can't think this is okay?

73. - Right? To come here? - He might.

74. Does he think I'm going to take care of him?

75. - I don't know. - After he just left us,

76. just walked out and never stayed in touch,

77. not a word to me or Mom in over 15 years?

78. Should you warn your mother?

79. Lily, the number of times that he betrayed her,

80. he cheated on her.

81. One more knife in the back, I think she's a goner.

82. I don't know. I think she's pretty resilient.

83. Yeah.

84. When you abandon your kids,

85. you should have to sign a release

86. that says you understand

87. you will never be welcomed into their home.

88. The release could be available at every Walgreens, or Walmart,

89. wherever you buy your fungal ointment.

90. All family obligations would be then wiped clean.

91. Feel free to die in the Airbnb of your choice.

92. Hello, Hank.

93. Oh, hey, Mom. Are you sitting down?

94. I most certainly am not.

95. I sat enough in my life.

96. Well, you'll never believe what your ex-husband did.

97. Oh?

98. He basically dumped the entire contents of his office

99. into my front driveway.

100. He might be coming here.

101. That whole thing in the newspaper,

102. "I'm going to spend more time with my family,"

103. I thought that was just a sick joke.

104. Oh, dear.

105. Oh, God.

106. Jason!

107. Stop that and put it away!

108. - Oh, that's going to be... - So gross!

109. So disgusting!

110. Pierre!

111. I need you.

112. There was a...

113. There's urine

114. all over the lockers and hall near the library.

115. Nope.

116. - I'm sorry? - Don't do urine.

117. Don't do feces.

118. You do mopping, right?

119. Not urine.

120. Pierre, everybody really appreciates

121. all the hard work you do here at the school.

122. We wouldn't be able to get by without you.

123. I don't do urine.

124. Yes, but I'm sure that you can understand

125. that the students need a urine-free environment.

126. I mean, this really isn't an option.

127. It is. I won't.

128. Clean the urine!

129. Don't do urine.

130. He just said he won't?

131. Yeah, that's what he said.

132. Huh.

133. What do you think we should do?

134. I mean, if the man won't do his job,

135. then I think that he needs to be replaced.

136. I think you're right.

137. There's a union hearing he gets, I think,

138. and, uh, if I'm remembering correctly,

139. he gets an appeal.

140. Christmas, maybe?

141. I'm sorry, what do we do

142. about the urine that is in the hallway?

143. The weekend crew will get it.

144. But it's Monday.

145. Mm.

146. There is urine in the hallway.

147. I know.

148. Okay, I'll admit it,

149. I was a difficult boy,

150. and I've always been a difficult man,

151. a fact easily confirmed by unlucky people around me.

152. But the extent of the pain I'm willing to inflict?

153. Come on, there's no comparing me to my father.

154. I specialize in minor strife and insignificant irritation.

155. That's my lane.

156. My father is into life derailment.

157. Shoo!

158. Get outta here.

159. I saved your ass.

160. What's wrong with you?

161. I was too happy. I'm trying to bring myself down.

162. I can help.

163. Did you hear any of those rumors about a list?

164. No.

165. Ah, well, there's this crazy rumor going around

166. that President Pope has asked me to get a list from my department heads,

167. naming 20% of their faculty that can be cut.

168. An actual list with actual names of human beings?

169. That's the rumor.

170. Crazy rumor.

171. I'm going to need that list.

172. What? Really?

173. I know.

174. It's this guy, Dickie Pope.

175. He's a real killer.

176. They say he was Jeb Bush's spanking partner

177. in Skull and Bones.

178. Well, I hope he hit hard.

179. - 20% of the adjuncts, too? - Absolutely not.

180. They're half the price. You should load them up.

181. Yeah, I'm not making a list.

182. I know, and I'm not asking you to.

183. End of the week. Don't tell anyone.

184. They're just going to freak out.

185. We don't want to cause any distress...

186. until we have to.

187. There's Spanky.

188. We know about the rumors.

189. He's not going to tell us anything.

190. Hank...

191. we all have a right to know.

192. Can you not be yourself and be straight with us for one minute?

193. My friend in sociology heard there were going to be cuts.

194. My friend in history said the same.

195. It's possible they heard it from each other,

196. but also possible it was two independent sources.

197. If history is to repeat itself,

198. which it is wont to do, bore that it is,

199. then we are waltzing a waltz that we have waltzed before.

200. We need not fear a misstep or a st—

201. - Finny! - We've earned the truth, Hank.

202. We demand the truth.

203. It's all true. I'm gonna go make a list now, okay?

204. They wanted me to lie to you,

205. to tell you it wasn't happening.

206. They were concerned that you might panic,

207. but I said no.

208. No, they're all adults.

209. Still waiting for my recommendation.

210. What's going on?

211. Don't become a professor.

212. Just stay an adjunct.

213. There's more freedom that way.

214. If you get this job,

215. you will throw yourself into your teaching,

216. but it won't be long before you realize you can't help these kids.

217. There's more promise in a senior-citizen yoga class.

218. They're not that bad.

219. Yeah, so fine, you will throw yourself into your writing,

220. but guess what?

221. Selling 460 copies of your novel

222. about being a professor in a small town,

223. that's not as exciting to your publisher as you imagine.

224. So, finally, you decide, you know what,

225. I'll just use my chairmanship

226. to torment my arrogant, petty, self-obsessed colleagues.

227. Hey, lay off my mom.

228. But it's not too long before even that holds no joy.

229. You will be trapped by tenure in this town,

230. and you will regret it.

231. Hank, slide over.

232. - No, sit there. - I'm getting close for effect.

233. You know how good a teacher I am.

234. Just because I haven't published that first book yet,

235. I'm invisible unless I have the endorsement of someone like you.

236. But you know what? If I don't get tenure here now,

237. I will have to move, probably to, like, Nebraska or something—

238. - Okay, I get it. - Or I would stay an adjunct,

239. and if I want to make anything more than my rent,

240. I've gotta keep tending bar in this shithole!

241. Sorry, guys, you know I love you.

242. Hank, don't tell me that tenure's not a big deal when you have it.

243. I'm not even on track for it.

244. You write it, I'll sign it,

245. but I won't read it.

246. I could write anything?

247. Go nuts.

248. That we're lovers?

249. Yeah, if you think that will help.

250. Well, I'd have to describe your penis.

251. It's square.

252. - Color? - Okay. Okay, go.

253. Okay.

254. I have a friend at Haverford.

255. He told me they had an opening for a comp lit associate last spring.

256. They received 314 applicants.

257. 314!

258. God, it is the worst time to be an academic.

259. Do you think they filled it yet?

260. Mm... you're media studies.

261. I could teach comp lit.

262. - Emma. - I could.

263. No one from Railton is getting a job at Haverford.

264. Or anywhere.

265. My point was the applicant pool

266. was the largest they've ever had.

267. You don't have a friend at Haverford.

268. Any attentive dean would know

269. Paul Rourke is not interested in teaching freshman courses.

270. Yes, Jacob, I do have a point,

271. and that is...

272. if there is a decision to be made,

273. it won't escape anyone's attention

274. that there are two poetry professors in this department.

275. One of them is stuck in the 18th century,

276. and the other receives consistently higher cue scores

277. and can teach anything in the canon.

278. Well, if you like my confidence,

279. then you should tell Hank what I just told you.

280. Don't flirt with me, Jacob.

281. I'm not in the mood.

282. The character's circumstances are dark,

283. and with the imagery of light and darkness, the...

284. well, her inner monologue is...

285. is, um...

286. energetic, so it never bogs down—

287. I need to talk to you.

288. This class has three more minutes.

289. Some men can pull off a vest.

290. I don't know if it's the shape of his arms,

291. or just his vest-y attitude,

292. either way, I am jealous as hell.

293. Okay, class is over.

294. They, uh...

295. they tell me you're going to make a list.

296. Yeah, I'm looking for my stencils.

297. I'm thinking of a decorative border.

298. I spoke with Leslie Schonberg.

299. Ms. Schonberg?

300. Oh! My second-grade teacher.

301. As our union rep,

302. she says that we don't have to take this, and I agree.

303. I guess we could all run away and hide together.

304. We need a big enough building—

305. abandoned factory, but spiders.

306. Okay, shut up.

307. Instead of a list, here's what you do.

308. You give them signed statement of solidarity,

309. all the departments, all the faculty.

310. We make sure those bozos in Harrisburg

311. know that we're not playing around.

312. They won't want a full walk-out on their hands.

313. What if they do...

314. want a full walk-out on their hands?

315. Why would they want that?

316. To test out their new sneaker gloves?

317. Hey?

318. What the hell is it with you?

319. What do you even want? Whose side are you on?

320. We know what we bring to the table.

321. And we know you know. We don't have to enumerate it.

322. But do others know?

323. Do they know about our publications?

324. Do they know about our scholar—

325. Guys, can I just stop you before you settle into a rhythm?

326. And I appreciate you saying that this would be a short meeting,

327. but I have to ask what the topic is.

328. The cuts. The list.

329. The list.

330. - Hank told us. - Oh.

331. He told us you told him.

332. And he told us that you told him not to tell us,

333. so you didn't hear this from us.

334. We know the university bias towards seniority.

335. We're the most recent tenure-track hires,

336. and if seniority is, in fact, an element here,

337. we just need to make sure that people are acutely aware

338. of everything else we have to offer.

339. Well, until the legislature, which is 100 miles away,

340. passes a budget for us,

341. there's nothing to discuss.

342. There's nothing for you to do,

343. so there's no point in worrying.

344. - Uh— - Okay, Dean...

345. Okay. Okay.

346. There is a new committee.

347. I think we're a little all over the place.

348. Well, we need more members.

349. What about your roommates?

350. I can talk to them.

351. What do they look like?

352. If they're too hot, no one is going to take us seriously.

353. We need a mission statement.

354. Yes, we do.

355. Um...

356. okay.

357. Okay, take this down.

358. Wait, so am I a secretary?

359. - I'll do it. - I'm doing it.

360. Is this the Excellence Committee?

361. We're allowed to be here.

362. Oh, we know. We know.

363. I'm Professor Washington-Chen, and so is he.

364. We are here at Dean Rose's behest.

365. We're your faculty advisors.

366. Uh, that's an obvious conflict of interest.

367. No, no, it's a confluence of interest.

368. We couldn't be more on board with what you're trying to do.

369. Mm-hmm, and we believe that our support

370. will help you have a greater impact on the school.

371. The community needs to know that they can trust us,

372. and that means that we need to have some teeth,

373. and at times, we're going to need to bite.

374. We can't have faculty saying that we can't ruffle feathers.

375. We're not pulling punches.

376. Pull punches?

377. - No, no. - No.

378. Hey, look, we're here to help you hit harder,

379. bite better.

380. Yeah, what was the other metaphor?

381. - Feathers. - Right.

382. Uh, fly higher.

383. - "Fly higher"? - Mm-hmm.

384. I like it.

385. Take that down. "Fly higher."

386. Hey.

387. Hey, something wrong?

388. Is something wrong? What, are you kidding?

389. Is this about that...

390. Well, obviously, I'm gonna be on your list.

391. You know what? Never mind.

392. - It's... just... - I'm sorry.

393. You know... But think about—

394. - Sorry. - But you don't have to—

395. Just—

396. Hey, what's up?

397. They want me to make a list of people to fire.

398. Oh, shit. Are you going to?

399. Of course not.

400. I'll bet my father would have made a list.

401. Just for fun.

402. He was never Chair.

403. Hmm, before he let Mom and me go,

404. I bet he made a list of us.

405. I... I don't know, Hank.

406. What are you going to do?

407. Well... I think I might have a yard sale.

408. Oh, you jerks.

409. "Dear Henry,

410. I just finished your manuscript,

411. and it is some of your best work to date."

412. "... you must not let Columbia treat you as any other professor..."

413. "... most modern literary critiques owe you a tremendous debt..."

414. "A three percent raise is the least you should accept..."

415. "... I'm sorry to hear about Stephanie leaving you.

416. "I'm not entirely surprised."

417. "... I've been thinking it over

418. and it seems best that I tell Hank."

419. "... though much time has passed,

420. next summer, please consider staying with me."

421. "... Hank is now out of the house, so you won't be bothered

422. with any unwelcome distractions..."

423. "... you're very welcome in my home

424. and to consider it your home as well.

425. "In time, I'm certain that Hank will feel the same."

426. Oh! For Christ's sake.

427. Damn!

428. How can I get any work done when he's always in my office?

429. There's too many distractions in this house.

430. Hank!

431. Hank!

432. Hank! What the hell did you think you were doing?

433. I must have, uh, passed out because of the kidney stone.

434. You lazy son of a bitch!

435. Will you help me?

436. We've gotta talk.

437. I've got our union rep here.

438. Will you drive me to my mother's?

439. How old are you?

440. You two aren't gonna Jimmy Hoffa me, are you?

441. I don't go for BS.

442. I never see any reason my cards shouldn't be face-up on the table.

443. Unless you're playing cards.

444. Sitting in the back seat as an adult,

445. it can be either infantilizing or empowering,

446. like you're being chauffeured around like a boss,

447. and I literally am the boss,

448. but I feel like an infant.

449. We both know you've had your differences with the union over the years,

450. pretty much from the beginning.

451. Yeah, I've had my differences with the other side, too.

452. You're not the only ones who think I'm a prick.

453. I'm not just talking about these grievances against you.

454. I know it runs deeper than that.

455. You think we defend incompetence,

456. promote mediocrity.

457. I wish you would promote mediocrity.

458. We'd all get promotions.

459. What I'm saying is

460. nobody expects you to become a union man.

461. We win this thing, we beat Dickie Pope

462. and all his corporate education BS,

463. and you can go right back to the way you were before.

464. Younger? You going to make me younger?

465. See?

466. I told you there was no point in talking to this guy.

467. He doesn't care about anything.

468. Everything's a joke to him.

469. Yeah, everything's a joke,

470. but they're not all funny.

471. So gross.

472. - What are these? - Flowers.

473. Aren't they pretty? I picked them myself.

474. I'm not reimbursing you for this.

475. Jack, I needed those supplies. You know that.

476. I didn't approve this.

477. Are you kidding me?

478. There was piss in the hall,

479. and I couldn't use the janitor's mop

480. because, apparently, opening his closet is a union job.

481. We don't have a cleaning-supplies budget.

482. There was piss...

483. in the...

484. I know that.

485. You have an emergency fund.

486. Not every piss can be an emergency.

487. We need to save some for good emergencies,

488. like pizza for when they do something good.

489. You have to ask first. I'm sorry.

490. Jack!

491. I'm taking a personal day next week...

492. to interview at Arlyle.

493. Yeah, I'm going to New York

494. to interview at the Arlyle School.

495. Oh.

496. Have fun.

497. Send me a postcard, and I'll send you one,

498. from England, where I'll be auditioning

499. for the role of Henry Higgins at the Globe.

500. So you want to work here?

501. Yeah, um, if you want someone to work here,

502. I can do that.

503. Do you have a resume?

504. Not with me.

505. So your father-in-law tells me you're an idiot.

506. - Yeah. - Hmm.

507. Yeah, he does say that.

508. I should be offended, but that's, like, his defense.

509. You know, like, he uses sarcasm to mask his pain.

510. Oh...

511. - Hank has a lot of pain? - Yeah.

512. I mean, you know, guys of that generation and their dads...

513. you know, they were all spanked,

514. or whatever.

515. So Hank is his father's fault?

516. Well, yeah, Julie thinks it's his father.

517. I think it's his mother, actually.

518. You've never met a colder woman in your life.

519. It's like trying to have a conversation with an ice sculpture.

520. I think that's where the real abandonment comes from.

521. Actually, I think it goes way darker than that.

522. I don't know if it's his work or...

523. if he's in a terrible marriage, or what...

524. but it's bad.

525. It's kind of hard to tell with that guy, though. You know.

526. Yeah.

527. Hey, can I ask you something?

528. Yeah.

529. Why do you think that he's reluctant to support my tenure?

530. - Because I know he respects me. - Yeah...

531. I don't know, that's a tough one.

532. I mean, look, he respects me, too.

533. I feel like the thing about Hank is

534. the guy can't make a decision.

535. He gets paralyzed by his own brain.

536. He's such a little boy sometimes.

537. Sometimes, I feel like I'm his dad.

538. I feel like you might be being hard on him.

539. Because I know how Hank feels about this town.

540. I mean, so I want to be a college professor,

541. more than anything here, but...

542. I also know that there's a ceiling.

543. And...

544. I think that Hank is...

545. self-aware enough to understand

546. that Railton College, it's...

547. not a destination, for anyone, really, right?

548. It's like a...

549. it's not even a highlight of the journey.

550. I don't know. I...

551. I just see it differently.

552. I think the location is the illusion.

553. I think the adventure's gotta be up here.

554. And here.

555. And a little bit down there, too.

556. - And here, a little bit, too. - Maybe.

557. You never know.

558. Hey.

559. Are you serious?

560. Yeah, I'll be there shortly. Thanks.

561. Meg?

562. Where is she?

563. She found Hank's whiskey.

564. Hey.

565. - Mm. - Hey, it's me.

566. No.

567. Damn Spanky!

568. Damn college.

569. This place is a disgrace!

570. Uh-huh, it's a disgrace.

571. I'm still paying off Lucy's tuition, for God's sake, and they don't care!

572. Nobody cares.

573. - Okay, Mom. - I'm going to sit.

574. - No! - No, no, no, no, no, no.

575. Come on, come on, come on.

576. We're so close to the car. Let's go.

577. I hope you weren't expecting anything to eat.

578. I haven't been to the market today.

579. I have some crackers.

580. I don't know whether they're stale.

581. I'm fine.

582. I was in the middle of my column.

583. Oliver, the homeless man that lives on Rail Street,

584. has been sent to a halfway house.

585. Apparently, he's happy there.

586. Mom, there's something I want to talk to you about.

587. Oh. All right.

588. Just tell me what these are.

589. Oh, my goodness.

590. He saved them.

591. That can't be the first thing you say.

592. No.

593. I see that.

594. Hank, I have been corresponding with your father

595. for some time now.

596. Yeah. Why don't you jump ahead

597. to the part that I haven't figured out

598. from having read them already?

599. You read my letters?

600. No, no, you are not turning this around on me.

601. Now, what I did was a minor infraction.

602. What you did here was a felony.

603. And what was the felony? Writing to my husband?

604. Ex! Ex-husband.

605. You know as well as I do

606. you've been acting like we've been on the same page this whole time,

607. like he hasn't contacted you either in 20 years.

608. You're envious.

609. Oh, my God.

610. Oh, my God.

611. I never made any promises to you.

612. You haven't?

613. Don't you remember when he left us?

614. Hmm?

615. You remember what happened?

616. You said to me...

617. "It's just you and me now."

618. Oh, stop it.

619. No, he abandoned us.

620. Mm. He abandoned you.

621. He moved away from me, and...

622. now he's moving back.

623. No. No, he's not.

624. Well, that's not your decision, Hank.

625. Yeah, well, it's partly mine.

626. No, it's not.

627. I've invited him to stay, and he accepted.

628. You have reached Professor Devereaux's office.

629. Please leave a message after the tone.

630. Hey, Dad, it's Hank.

631. Your son.

632. Couple things.

633. Uh, one, congrats on your retirement.

634. I hope you have some plans to relax.

635. I was meaning to send you a set of paints.

636. That worked well for George W, which...

637. That brings me to number two.

638. It's kind of the big one.

639. I've been holding on to a lot of anger towards you,

640. and the more I think about it...

641. the more...

642. appropriate it seems.

643. It's well-earned.

644. So...

645. you're not welcome here.

646. Don't come to Railton.

647. Enjoy the rest of the globe.

648. Dad?

649. Dad, are you okay?

650. Dad?

651. Did you really not hear me come in?

652. Is one of you moving out?

653. Huh? What?

654. The moving pod out front?

655. Uh...

656. It's true, isn't it?

657. You know, I knew something was going on with you guys.

658. What? No. It's a mistake.

659. I'm taking care of that. Um...

660. What— You want to sit down, stay for lunch?

661. Yeah.

662. All right. I've got some...

663. I've got some good bread and, uh, ham and cheese.

664. I can make a grilled cheese.

665. Dad, I think I'm in over my head.

666. I just...

667. I don't know. I don't know. I just feel...

668. Let's talk about it. We'll figure it out.

669. I started on this path a while ago,

670. and I started making all of these choices,

671. and... like... like the pool.

672. Uh-huh.

673. I just feel like...

674. I started on this path a while ago,

675. and then I started making all of these choices,

676. like with the pool,

677. and now there's a freaking rented backhoe

678. stuck in a hole in my backyard,

679. and I don't know how to get it out,

680. and everything is starting to feel really overwhelming.

681. Yes, well, that's okay.

682. I mean, everybody gets there sometimes.

683. - Yeah? - Here's the great thing, right?

684. You're not locked in.

685. Right? You can get out.

686. You're 24.

687. You can do anything.

688. Yeah, I know. What do you— what do you mean?

689. You can move to New York,

690. or Nashville,

691. anywhere where there's opportunity.

692. What are you talking about?

693. Are you trying to get me to leave?

694. No.

695. Well...

696. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

697. I was talking about one DIY project that went wrong,

698. one project, and now you're trying to use it to kick me out of town?

699. I'm not kicking you out.

700. Yeah, I'm not an idiot, Dad.

701. I didn't understand.

702. It is obvious to me

703. that I have not lived up to all of your expectations.

704. - I never said anything— - I didn't go to grad school,

705. or, like, write a bunch of books,

706. and I'm not super ambitious like you and Grandpa,

707. and I'm sorry.

708. I'm so sorry that my whole life goal

709. wasn't to, like, achieve stuff, or something.

710. But I like it here, and I'm going to stay here.

711. You don't have anything to say?

712. You rented a backhoe?

713. Don't follow me!

714. Here. For your troubles.

715. Thanks.

716. I'm gonna need a lot more of these.

717. Okay, so it's true.

718. How deep are the cuts going?

719. I don't know.

720. Oh...

721. My mom is really worried.

722. Yeah.

723. Yeah, she is not doing great.

724. Hank, I'm not blaming you.

725. I'll take care of her if I need to. You know that.

726. Well, you're a lot better daughter than I am a son.

727. I just left a message for my father

728. telling him he's not welcome here, ever.

729. Did you really?

730. Yeah, I did.

731. - You don't even like it here, Hank. - Nobody does.

732. Yeah, no shit. We should all get out.

733. Can't. Tenure.

734. Can't. Mother.

735. Looks like we're both trapped here, huh?

736. When did she start with the nose jewelry?

737. I mean, it's cute, but I'm not fooled.

738. It's a cry for help.

739. If nobody answers,

740. the next thing is gonna be crazy hats,

741. balloon pants,

742. and then she's riding a unicycle down Main Street.

743. Meg, hey.

744. Listen...

745. What?

746. They're instituting a hiring freeze.

747. There's not going to be any tenure track positions for a long time.

748. For how long?

749. Years.

750. It's bleak.

751. God damn this place.

752. With these cuts,

753. I'm not going to be able to give you any classes next semester.

754. Hey, you've got a killer resume,

755. and you're young for academia.

756. Your scholarship covers all the hot topics.

757. Any school would jump at the chance,

758. even in this job market.

759. You should be out there looking around.

760. Seriously.

761. Yeah, I've got a better idea.

762. I'll take— I'll take one.

763. You want one?

764. - This is the good stuff? - Yeah.

765. - Careful with the table there. - Yeah. Yeah.

766. That's what I'm talking about.

767. I'm gonna get you a glass of water.

768. Okay.

769. Good night, Meg.

770. I was at the movies.

771. Uh, the restaurant.

772. A bar.

773. At the dentist.

774. I ran into Tony, and he needed a talk.

775. Oh...

776. who cares where I was?

777. I mean, what, do I ask you every damn thing about your life?

778. Come on, what, are we married now?

779. Yeah... yeah, we are.

780. - You're still up. - Mm-hmm.

781. - I'm wiped. - I bet.

782. It's way past your bedtime.

783. Were you with Tony?

784. No, actually.

785. I was in the company of a very attractive, young,

786. single, 30-something woman.

787. Mm. By the name of?

788. Meg Quigley.

789. Oh, you're working your way through your bucket list.

790. You're my bucket list, baby.

791. She— She was really drunk.

792. I had to drive her home.

793. Did you get any?

794. No.

795. Uh, we did end up in the bedroom,

796. and clothes were shed.

797. I mean, hers, not mine.

798. Is that— is that true?

799. And I was forced to flee to protect her honor,

800. and my honor, and your honor.

801. How lucky for all of us that you were there.

802. Thank you.

803. She was really upset because I told her

804. classes aren't happening for her this fall.

805. That's terrible.

806. No, it's not.

807. Somebody has to kick her out of the nest.

808. I told her the classes...

809. well, they're cut.

810. But are they?

811. Well, no.

812. Did you lie to her?

813. Well, she was never going to leave.

814. She thinks she has to take care of her mom.

815. Somebody has to end this madness for her.

816. But she had told you that she wanted to stay.

817. Jesus Christ, Hank.

818. You're projecting all of your shit onto everybody else.

819. - What? - Julie, Meg,

820. telling everybody they should leave town.

821. What is that?

822. Do you hate it here?

823. I take the Fifth.

824. You can't treat...

825. Forget it.

826. I talked to Tom.

827. I'm going to go to New York this week.

828. I'm going to interview for that Arlyle job.

829. Yeah? You...

830. Okay.